Original subtitles

Well? Well, I think I'm actually finished.

So this is it, huh?

Yep, Malcolm.

We're finally going to be able to change the world.

They're not going to be able to do anything about it.

He's almost in the clear, buddy.

Willie.

Dad,

are you all right?

Nothing like a concussion before breakfast to make you feel alive.

Sorry, I was practicing. We have a game today.

But who can be mad at a kid who's got a birthday?

Four days.

More days.

Adam, Scott, Molly, Jim.

Right here.

Sorry, honey.

It's okay. I'm hearing a lot of that this morning.

Mom, I'm going to pee on the toilet again.

Well, maybe you should stop drinking out of it. I wasn't drinking out of it.

Don't tease your sister. Adam, get down here.

They say teenage girls spend too much time in front of the mirror. Dad, how

about our party on Sunday?

Oh, that reminds me. I have to order a larger cake.

Seems like the whole world is coming.

Chocolate with white icing, right?

Right. Hey, screw it. Four more days.

Oh, is there any more milk?

I don't know. We were just talking about the party.

Oh, man, it's going to be a total blowout. I can't wait. Oh, yeah, I

forgot. You lose something?

Oh, gross.

Hey, Randy.

Good morning.

Uh, what you got there?

Zucchini bread.

My mom made it.

Just put it on the table.

Right there.

Yeah.

Come on, Randy. I think we better get out of here now.

Enjoy.

Have fun at school. See you, Randy.

Thanks, Dad. Bye, everybody.

Bye, Mom.

Can I make an observation?

Your family is totally whack.

Oh, we're all really allergic to zucchini.

Lucky. I'm lactose intolerant.

You know, you should try punching her in the arm and then running away.

I hear girls really go for that thing.

I don't like her, okay?

Louder. I don't think she heard you.

Hey, Marshall.

Still think you got a chance of being team captain after yesterday's game?

I got a better chance than you do.

Yeah, right.

I don't think anybody's voting for the choke king.

I can out -shoot you any day, Rosen.

Want to bet?

My lunch money's on the pigtails.

Ha!

Missed. No, she didn't.

Amy, if you like Scott that much, why don't you just ask him to the dance?

Mom, please.

I don't like him, okay?

Not much.

I'll go get my soccer ball.

I just thought that if we didn't pressure him about his birthday, it

easier on him.

If I ever thought this might happen, I never would have made such a big deal

of the party.

Oh, don't forget your soccer mom today. I have a trustees meeting. I already

rearranged my schedule. 2 .45 in front of the school.

Okay. And, sweetie, will you hurry up? Just being near this stuff makes me weak

in the knees.

Such a shame.

I really love zucchini bread.

I'd like to introduce to you the president of Earth Protectors, the

environmental software company that so generously donated personal computers to

every student in the eighth grade, Mr.

Quinn.

How you doing, kids?

Yeah, we were all born to save this planet.

Thank you guys very much. Thank you.

Good morning, everybody.

How's everybody doing today?

Good. That's good.

Today I'm going to talk to you guys a little bit about the environment, and

going to hand out a few upgrades.

I hope you're going to recycle that.

Please? Mm -hmm.

Good girl.

Now, we've designed a software that goes with the computers to be fun as well as

educational.

Something tells me this is not a video game.

Let me see. They can disguise it any way they want.

Just do the homework.

How are you guys doing?

Keep up the good work. You'll be an earth protector one day.

Recycle those guys. No, I'm serious.

Come on now. Have fun at school today.

Man,

I hate kids.

Can't we just run tests on rats like everybody else?

We just finished the Pineland Bank download, boss.

We better get moving. We're going to be late.

Where's Nina?

She's at the warehouse.

She's not expecting us for hours.

Perfect.

Now we'll see what this little program of hers can really do.

Yeah, they gave us computers.

But every night we have to download these stupid programs.

All the recycling, you know, planting trees and junk.

You guys don't know how lucky you are to have your own computers.

When I was your age... Yeah, Mr. Marshall, tell us. How was it using a

and chisel?

Well, if you don't mind waiting for just a moment, sir, I'd be more than happy

to access your account for you.

Ah, there you are.

Oh.

I'm showing that you have $1 .37 in your account.

You want that in nickels and dimes?

No, that's impossible.

I have a lot of money in this bank, okay?

Is there a problem here?

Yes, there is a problem.

I have money in this bank. He's telling me I don't. There must be some kind of a

problem with the computer.

Look, do me a favor and just look again for me, please.

Sure.

Welcome to Earth Protectors.

Listen very carefully to the following instructions.

Earth Protectors will tell you exactly what to do. What in the...

It's important to relax and let Earth protectors do all the thinking for you.

Maybe you better make that fifties and hundreds.

Security?

Security!

Do you guys mind if I let you off at the corner?

I got an emergency at the office.

Oh, it's the emergency. You're an orthodontist, right? What, two losers

their braces stuck together?

Dad, is something wrong with the car?

Uh, yeah, I think something is wrong with the car. Let me pull over here at

corner. Why does this always happen when your dad drives?

Clean, Dad.

Sorry about this, son.

But have a great day.

Up! Up! Get away!

This is the hottest situation we've even made it clear. Everyone, clean them

back.

It's Ron Diesel.

It's about time.

Did you walk here?

Honey, I had a van full of kids. And I had a room full of trustees.

Didn't you hear me when I said I had an important meeting today?

I swear, you're always doing this to me.

Honey, what do you want me to say? I tried.

Sometimes I feel like you would take what I do seriously.

I totally appreciate you, honey. Well, maybe you should show it once in a

Honey, today, okay, I made a mistake.

But you know how I am.

I'm always sacrifice.

Just give me a minute.

You really are a super mom.

Thanks. That's nice to know every once in a while.

Come on.

time to talk about the laundry?

Oh, don't make me pluck your tail feathers.

I'll see you at home, eagle boy.

Yes, honey.

Drive careful. Put your helmet on.

Fasten it up.

I started screaming and yelling. I didn't really see too much of it,

But I know that it's a good thing that those guys showed up, because I don't

think anybody else is going to be able to stop me. Certainly not me, anyway.

She definitely hates me. Oh, yeah.

Come on, Scott!

Come on, Randy!

Hey, Dad.

I wish you wouldn't do that. Somebody's going to see you one of these days.

Relax. I zip around at nearly the speed of light.

Nobody's going to see me.

And if they do, I just fry a couple of brain cells, baby. Woo!

Man, I can't believe I missed a bank robbery this afternoon.

Well, somehow we managed without you.

Hey, can you do me a favor? Keep it a little low -key around your brother for

the next few days.

Why? I mean, he's going to be getting his powers any day now, right?

Well, the closer it gets to Sunday, it doesn't look likely.

But I didn't start getting my powers until a couple of weeks before my big

fought.

Oh, you mean... Scott might be... normal?

Yeah.

Scott might be normal.

What were you thinking, Malcolm? You could have destroyed everything.

I'll tell you what I was thinking.

I was thinking that somebody's got to pay for this little scheme of yours.

Besides, there's nothing left to destroy, okay?

Your stupid program didn't even work.

Of course it didn't work.

It's specifically designed to work on adolescent brains.

Oh.

I'm sorry I said that, Nina.

I didn't know that.

It's just that, I mean, after you're done running all your tests, how are we

supposed to get one of these to every kid in the country?

I don't know. I hadn't thought that far.

Exactly.

That's why I'm here.

Hey, honey.

You still mad at me?

Huh? Huh?

No, you're forgiven.

You okay with burgers on the grill?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I'll light it just as soon as... Oh, somebody

used her laser vision to play forest fire with my lily.

Ooh. Mm -hmm.

Okay, time's up.

You want to help Daddy out?

Why don't you go light the barbecue grill?

Okay.

Adam, could you please set the... Done.

Man, Mom really kicked some serious butt.

They successfully apprehended three

robbery suspects.

Honey, we've got to get some new headshots.

Photographer called yesterday.

Is your brother in his room?

Yeah.

You know, none of the tellers can remember what happened. They just handed

the money.

I mean, no guns, no note, nothing.

Maybe they were using some kind of mind control device.

I hope we're not dealing with some new criminal mastermind.

Oh, can I take him out, please? Come on. You know the rules.

No crime fighting until you've done your homework, young man.

If you melt the patio furniture again, young lady, you're in a lot of trouble.

Oh, hey, son.

Hey, dear.

Great game today.

It wasn't so great.

Oh, what do you mean?

Eleven steals, three assists. That's pretty impressive in my book.

Yeah, but I missed that goal.

And maybe you were a little off.

Because you got a little super strength coming on?

No, I was a little off because I'm the choke king.

Well, at least you're the king.

You know, your mother and I have been thinking about a name for you.

And what do you think about the Destroyer?

The Destroyer?

He's kind of pro -wrestling, Dad.

Okay, okay.

But, Dad, does anybody ever get their superpowers after their 14th birthday?

No.

I'm afraid not.

I'm not going to be a superhero, am I?

What makes you say that? I mean, you still have three whole days left.

You know, there's tons of superheroes that didn't get their powers until the

before. Really?

Yeah.

Flame Guy, Rocket Man, Jello Girl.

So there's still time?

Uh, yeah, you know, definitely.

Molly, if I've told you once, I've told you a million times, no laser vision

without supervision.

Now, upstairs, now.

And no Spanish ice cream for you tonight, young lady. Ma!

Don't make me take away your broccoli pudding.

It's not fair.

And if you never develop laser vision, I'll be happy.

I'm going to be the best superhero ever.

Just like my dad.

You in yet?

Almost.

There.

County jail.

Access.

Granted.

Unfortunately, no one ever heard of rabid superheroes out looking for us.

What?

Why would they care about us? You didn't even get any money.

Please. Don't remind me.

Malcolm. We can't let him stop us. I mean, we are so close to really helping

planet.

Don't worry, Nina.

They're not going to be able to stop us.

Of course, it'd be easier if we knew where they were.

I'm sure they have some fabulous, high -tech secret lair somewhere.

What do you mean you told him there's still time?

Well, honey, technically, there is still time.

Jim, he's got to face reality sooner or later. We all do.

He'll be humiliated.

Honey, just one more day.

And then we can cancel the party.

Who's more disappointed?

Him or you?

Honey, that's not fair.

You're just disappointed because you can't brag to your buddies.

Honey, you want him to be a superhero just as much as I do.

I just always thought Scott would go into the family business.

Yeah, well, he's not.

Honey, all he really needs is a glimpse of some power for us to have that party.

Super strength, x -ray vision, and if he could morph like his grandmother, I'd

be happy.

Dad, can I just take that, please?

Don't you think I can handle it?

No, it's not. I'll have you know I was lifting Redwoods like a little Lincoln

lot long before you were born. You said I was afraid that... That it's too

heavy? I lifted up the Cadillac the other day with just one hand.

Ask your mother.

I was afraid that the bottom was going to fall out.

Well, why didn't you say that?

You take care of that. I got to go say hi to my grandkids.

You know your father.

Scott, that's wonderful.

Did you see that? He ripped it right off the hinges.

What did I tell you?

One more day.

When your father went through this phase, we had to put a new foundation on

house.

Sorry about that, Mama.

That is so cool, Scott.

I want to see you do something.

A juggle of piano.

Oh, it kind of comes and goes.

He can show off after dinner.

Have some more spinach, honey.

Well, you have your super strength to maintain.

Oh, we had Spider -Man and Mary Jane over for dinner last night. They say hi.

Any idea how to take webs out of the carpet?

Ice and club soda.

They come right up.

Mmm, this is some good spinach casserole.

What are you making that bank robber you see, Jim?

Kind of unusual.

That has me concerned.

I think we might be in for a major crime wave.

Don't even worry about it.

Scooter here can pick up the slack, baby.

Oh, oh, I don't think so. A little superstitious? Uh -uh, he's not about to

out and face hardened criminals.

He was trying to fly this afternoon.

Did you?

Did you try to fly?

Maybe a little.

Did not.

Molly.

Scott, that's fantastic.

Honey, flying is the most difficult thing there is. I can't even fly.

Was there ever any doubt considering who his father is?

And his grandfather.

Scott, I've been waiting for this day since you were born.

Man, I am so jealous.

Oh, come on, Scott. You have to give us a little demonstration.

Yeah, show us what you really can do. I want to see you fly. Come on.

Sure.

Let me just go.

Put on my training cape, okay? Yeah!

Put on your cape.

Fly.

Can't fly.

I'll just say it was a fluke.

I'm not fooling anyone.

I hope you two can tell a decent name for him.

My father named me the Steel Condor.

Because I got muscles of steel.

Dad, don't get started. And then that clock curl in the middle of his forehead

comes along, gets himself a publicist, starts calling himself the man of steel.

What does that make me?

The bird of steel?

He hit the tree.

Oh, no.

Where is he?

Not in the tree.

Then he's got to be in the sky.

He did it.

He's flying.

What if there's a downdraft?

You know how difficult those can be.

Jim, I think you better go after him.

Before there's an altercation with a low -flying plane.

Okay, okay, honey, okay.

Up! Up!

Look out!

Oh,

Scooter, you are the man. You did it. Congratulations.

Scotta, are you okay?

Oh, honey, we are so proud of you.

We're going to celebrate.

Yes. Let's go downtown and have some ice cream.

I still don't believe you flew.

Well, I did.

Uh -huh, whatever.

Molly, Molly, let's go inside.

Let me have a few seconds with the boy.

I'm going to give him a few pointers.

Pretty impressive.

Thanks. Still trying to get my ears to pop.

Boy, those superpowers of yours just came out of nowhere.

Yeah, like I said, they come and go.

Kind of like the door this afternoon, huh? With all those screws loose.

Yeah, pretty shoddy workmanship, huh?

Well, I'm going inside. Got it.

You know, don't you?

Yes.

Do they?

No. They couldn't be more excited for you.

Grandpa, please don't say anything, okay?

Look, Scott, a superhero is not supposed to lie.

I know, but I had to. They were going to end up canceling the party. Look, the

party is in honor of you becoming a superhero.

I know. Getting your powers.

But Dad was going to be embarrassed in front of all his friends.

I couldn't just let him down like that.

Grandpa, please don't say anything.

Look, I...

I'll tell Mom and Dad right after the party's over, okay?

Please?

Okay, okay.

Thanks, Grandpa.

I love you.

Love you, too.

Hey, son.

Oh, hey, Dad.

You're up awfully early.

Yeah, with all the excitement last night, I kind of forgot to do my

Well, remember, if you want to fly, you're going to have to maintain a B

average. Flying is a privilege, not a right.

Yes, sir.

Welcome to Earth Protectors.

You have been chosen to save the planet.

Listen very carefully to the following instructions.

Relax and let Earth Protectors do all the thinking for you.

Scott, let's go.

What is taking you so long?

You're going to be late for school, son.

Scott. Oh, that was quick.

I hope all the assignments are this easy.

How can you stare at this screen so mindlessly?

It was like this thing's got you mesmerized.

I just need to change, okay?

Mesmerized.

Hey, good morning, Adam.

Hey, Dad.

Did you hear about this?

The guys from the bank robbery escaped.

All the cells opened automatically.

I bet they're calling it a computer malfunction.

Yeah. How'd you know?

Lunch?

You mind going by the bank with me before school?

I thought you'd never ask.

Let me go get dressed.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah.

At first I thought the criminals used some sort of handheld mind control

But the more I thought about it, it could have been generated within the

computer itself.

If you're suggesting that our systems are to blame... No, but you never know.

Silver charge.

Take a look.

I'm on it.

Sometimes he gets a little excited.

Morning, Miss Parker.

Morning, Scott.

Very good work.

Now, did anyone not do their homework assignment?

It really worked.

Every single one of them.

Blue.

What should we teach them first?

Recycling? Composting?

Love of tofu?

Looks like we can make them do anything we want.

I'm going to beam your boyfriend.

Where would it be if I asked Amy to that dance?

Really weird, because it would mean you got a backbone transplant.

Hey, what's with all the blue?

What are you talking about?

Blue, you're all wearing blue.

Some sort of pep rally or something?

I didn't even notice.

Coincidence? You're ready.

Think fast.

Hey, Scott, think fast.

Why'd you do that? Now she's going to take our snake catch.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'll be fine.

What were you thinking?

You were going to catch that, weren't you? Look, I forgot, okay?

Look, you can't forget anymore.

Now that you have these powers, you're going to have to be a lot more careful.

Aluminum foil is the one thing that screws up our molecular structure.

Too much of it can kill us.

You know what? You're right, though. I mean, how are we going to expand this

thing? I mean, we owe it to the planet to get this program into every school in

the country.

Look, you just leave that up to me, okay?

You go back and work on some more tests, and we'll meet up with you later.

Cool. Bye.

Act as I'm already way ahead of her.

I actually added a little pizzazz to today's lesson.

Three, two, one.

Snack time.

You gave them chocolate cravings? I could make them do anything I want them

do. Buy anything I want them to buy, watch anything I want them to watch.

And people will pay for that kind of influence.

Exactly.

You see, Nina's problem is she wants to do too much.

I mean, she's not going to be happy until she's saved the ozone, fed the

and made meat -eating illegal.

Me?

I have much simpler desires.

$120 billion would make me incredibly happy.

What are we going to do?

You were right. They're actually going to try and stop us.

It doesn't matter if we stop them first. Currently working with authorities.

And we're producing and distributing an antivirus program that will disable and

destroy their brainwashing software.

Cool. I didn't know you could program a computer.

I can't.

I just thought it would buy us some time.

And even if we could, thanks to your brother.

Whatever evidence there was, it's completely fried.

Thank you. Yes.

Speaking of fried, is that your chicken I smell?

Excellent, excellent. Okay. Chin up, chin up, chin up.

Shoulders back just a little bit more.

Shoulders back.

That's good.

Because nobody respects... A superhero that slouches.

That's what happened to your Uncle Freddy. That's why they kicked him out.

That's right.

Thanks for the lessons.

Would you look at the time? No, no, no, no, no. Now, now, now. The most

important thing to remember about takeoff, other than watching out for the

trees... And fences. ...is that you have to go fast enough so nobody can see

you, especially when you're not in costume.

Well, it's going to be a while before we can practice.

I just kind of put along on my takeoff. Old neighborhood.

See? No, no, no, no, no. Scott, Scott.

That's why we practice takeoffs at night.

But you can practice flying at any time. See you guys later.

Up, up, and away!

Keep your eyes open, son.

Keep your eyes open.

Back on the go, are you?

No, not without a warning.

This is a warning.

Stop!

Jim! No! Help me! I won't, Jim!

Down here, Jim!

You know, this is so unlike Jim. He's usually never late.

I don't know, Judy. I've got to get this game on the go.

I'm sure they're there.

Honey.

Finally.

I was getting worried.

Um... Because if you miss, I'd automatically be captain and I don't

on technicality.

Try to mess up.

Mess up?

Yeah, mess up.

Marshall, Rosen, get on the field.

Come on.

Either you were practicing loop -de -loop or it didn't go very well.

It was like he's never flown before in his life.

I've never seen powers come and go like that.

Don't be too hard on him.

Maybe he's having trouble concentrating because he's so excited about tomorrow.

Yeah. Yeah.

Here you go.

Thank you.

Everything's ready.

Excellent.

You sure you want to do this?

Wouldn't it be better just to lay low for a while?

Look, achieving greatness involves a certain amount of risk.

And pretty soon we're going to have 20 million young minds under our control.

And if today goes well with superhero, it's going to provide the muscle.

There's going to be nobody out there that's going to be able to stop us.

Except Nina.

Except Nina.

Don't you know who you are? Baby, baby, you're a superstar.

Don't you know who you are? Baby, baby, you're a superstar.

That's why I always save the day.

Oh,

Rach, I'm glad you could make it. Want some?

Oh,

here, don't forget a napkin.

These spinach puffs are great. Judy's an excellent cook.

So anyway...

Back to me.

So you still want to go through with it?

I have to.

Don't underestimate your father.

He loves you.

Powers or no powers.

So whatever you decide to do, I'll be right beside you.

Thanks, Grandpa.

Can I have everybody's attention, please?

We're here today to honor and welcome the newest superhero, my son, Scott.

I'm really proud of you.

Recognizing Scott's unique talents,

Warrior Woman and I have decided to name him Warrior Eagle.

It's time to take your oath.

Do you, Warrior Eagle, agree to only use your power for good, to fight for peace

and freedom?

And to uphold the superhero credo of truth, justice, and integrity?

Dad, I have to tell you something.

Scott, you're supposed to say, I do.

I do.

I

do.

I don't know about this, Malcolm.

Look, Nina, this is very simple, okay?

When Bronze Eagle arrives, you just slip the homing device right onto him.

Me?

Why me?

Because if you don't do it, we're not going to be able to find his hideout.

if we can't find his hideout, we're not going to be able to stop him. And if we

can't stop him, all this hard work will have been for nothing.

Is that what you want?

I don't know, but I still don't understand why I... Listen, Nina.

We're all counting.

The door to the roof is welded shut. She's not getting out that way.

I think she's probably going to have a tough time with the front door, too.

See, even if our friends don't show up, this is what we criminal masterminds

call a win -win situation.

You ready for steak?

Let's go. I'm buying.

to tell you, I think he's going to be one of the best.

Oh, there's a woman in the burning building.

Honey,

I better take this.

I'll be back. No, no, please.

Let me go. Flash, they're in back.

Why not let the boy do it? I mean, a woman in a burning building, that's

superhero in 101.

You got a point there, Reach.

What do you say, Scott?

I mean, Warrior Eagle.

Jim, honey, I don't know.

Warrior Eagle.

Warrior Eagle.

Warrior Eagle.

Warrior Eagle.

Warrior Eagle.

Warrior Eagle. Warrior Eagle. Where's Grandpa?

Hello, here I am, the handsome prince. I am coming to rescue the lovely

princess. Uh, son.

This woman's in a burning building. I think you've got to take this.

Right. I'm all over it. All right.

Yeah, yeah.

That's my boy.

Oh, there he is, there he is, there he is.

Helicopter, helicopter.

Oh, eagle, eagle, eagle.

Ooh,

yes, yes!

UFO.

Gotta get in the roof.

Help!

Somebody!

Bronze Eagle!

I'm downtown at the scene of a four -alarm fire which is currently raging

control. And I've just been informed that there is a woman trapped in the

building.

Where is he? I mean, did he take the scenic route? What's up?

Oh, there he is. There he is.

What are you doing on the ground?

You're a superhero.

Long story.

Come on.

We're sure not going back out that way.

Whisk it.

Get on your bike and get home.

Now.

You don't know how disappointed we are, Scott.

Because I'm not a superhero?

No, because you lied to us.

To everyone, because you almost got yourself and that woman killed.

Because I embarrassed you in front of your friends?

Scott, this is not about us.

Scott, I'm sorry that you felt you had to do this just to make us happy. But we

love you no matter what you are.

Powers or no powers.

It's Grandpa's day.

So how happy were we when Adam circled the globe in under a second for the

time? And when Molly could boil water at the age of two? Listen to me, sweetie.

We love you just for being you.

I didn't mean to hurt anyone.

We know.

Why don't you hit the showers, and we'll talk about this some more tomorrow.

Any concern about his mask falling off?

Should we send Adam out to do a little mind erasing?

No, we'll be fine.

The public was too far away to see anything, and that woman has no way of

finding him.

It's beautiful, Lena.

It's just beautiful.

Did your kids see that boy in the news yesterday?

Oh, yeah, you mean the stupid kid with the cape? Yeah. What kind of loser wears

a cape? Yeah, he thought it was a superhero.

Forgot one thing.

Super power!

And then Bronzy went to totally shave his butt. Help me! Save me! I'm in a

burning building! Knock it off, Randy!

It's not his fault he didn't get his super powers when he was... You're

Total loser.

Here's the Earth Protector software for you to take home and test tonight.

Be sure you review these disks and return them the first thing tomorrow.

Don't forget, it's your homework.

It's not your dad's fault.

I know.

I'm sorry.

I'm sure this all doesn't seem fair.

But this means you can be anything you want to be now.

Grandpa, I want to be a superhero.

Well, stop whining and be one.

How? I can't fly. I can't run at a supersonic speed.

Look, it's not the cape that makes your dad a hero.

Think it over.

to earth protectors it's time for you to take control listen very carefully to

the following instructions earth protectors will tell you exactly what to

relax and let earth protectors do all the thinking for you

we are here to help you we are here to help you take control

we are here to help you take control

Molly? That is not cute.

Honey, honey, honey, honey.

Did you take some money out of my wallet?

No, but I should have. You already cleaned me out. No, no, I didn't take

money from you. Speaking of money, Mom, did you borrow money for the paperboy

again? Because I'm missing 20 bucks.

Okay, I'm out of here.

Scott.

You didn't.

No way.

Wait a minute.

With my X -ray vision, I can see money in your backpack.

You have to believe me. I don't know how we got in there.

I'm not really into the believing Scott business these days.

Scott, if this is a cry for help, you need to talk to us. Honey, regardless,

we're going to have to punish you for stealing.

What? I didn't take the money.

And lying about it, Scott.

I'm holding the money in my hand. All right, that's it.

No soccer.

What? For at least a month. You can't do that. We're picking the captain in two

days.

This isn't fair.

No soccer?

That's what they said.

I can't believe they think I took the stupid money.

Well, what I don't get is how come the money got inside the backpack. I mean,

beats me.

Weird.

I would love to know your secret. I can't even get them to hand in their

homework. Good job.

Thank you.

What are you going to do to him?

Nothing. You said this kid saved your life, right?

I'm not going to do anything.

I'm grateful.

Perfect match.

You know, I think it's time I met this Scott Marshall.

Good morning, students of Centennial School.

Please go to your classrooms now.

Hey, did you see that 12 -day adventure program last night?

No, no, no. Well, for some reason, I couldn't turn it off.

Yeah, me too.

Oh, Scott, they need to see it in the principal's office.

Remember, corporal punishment is illegal in this state.

This is quite an honor for you, Scott. Earth Protectors has picked you out of

all the students to test their latest product.

Have fun.

Thanks, Ms. Parker.

Welcome to Earth Protectors.

You have been individually selected for this special Earth Protectors upgrade.

Listen very carefully to the following instructions.

It is very important... that you answer all of the following questions honestly

and accurately.

Okay, Scott.

Let's start with a few simple questions about your family.

Likes, dislikes, weaknesses.

You know, this way Nina can reconfigure the parameters of the software and we'll

be able to enslave your parents.

Scott! Hey, come here.

Scott. Hey, what was that all about?

No idea. It was totally stupid.

I just sat down and they said I could go.

Because you were there for almost two hours.

Are you sure?

Yeah, I mean, you missed math and PE.

Personally, I'd be doing a victory dance right about now.

See you later.

Here,

Scott. You want to make sure I gave this one to you.

Now don't forget, tonight's homework must be done with a parent.

Her?

Scott, watch where you're

going.

Why do you watch where you're going? Sorry, I love to stay in shape, but I

go.

And I'm positive it was the same woman from the fire that was getting into the

software company van.

Strange coincidence.

Police never found her after you set her down.

And when I went into the office, I thought I was there for two minutes. But

Randy said I was there for two hours.

They called you into the office?

Not because I was in trouble, but the president of Earth Protectors wanted to

talk to me personally.

Remember you said somebody was using a mind control device?

Well, this is it.

I don't think anybody is trying to take over the minds of your junior high.

Yeah, you're all already pretty mindless.

Okay, but what about when everybody wore blue?

Huh? And maybe it's why you think I took the money.

Here we go.

I knew I'd get back to that.

Please, just look at it. They insisted that I do it with my parents.

Okay.

I had a man to plug.

If anything weird happens, blast it.

I'm on it.

Welcome to Earth Protectors.

Hi, kids.

Today's lesson is about combo. There's nothing I like more than a big serving

garbage.

So, kids, let's have fun and help each other. I'm sure any minute now this

will convince you to take over the world or something.

Scott, you've got to take responsibility

for your actions, son.

No! Wait!

Wait!

Mom, you're supposed to watch this and help me with my homework.

Welcome to Earth Protectors.

Listen very carefully to the following instructions.

Earth Protectors will tell you exactly what to do.

Earth Protectors will tell you exactly what to do.

Excuse me, can I have everyone's attention, please?

This is a hold -up.

Where's Ron Eagle?

Where are they?

Where are they? They should be here by now if it worked.

The program just said, wake up, get dressed, and report here for further

instructions. Nothing complicated.

Well, I asked them to run a few errands for me on the way.

Well, I figured they might as well make themselves useful.

No. Look, adult minds are almost impossible to control. I mean, the more

complicated the... Sounds like them now.

Hello?

This is Rosen here, reporting for duty.

What is going on here?

I have no idea. Okay, don't worry. I'll take care of it. You just go see what's

wrong with that program.

I'll handle this. I will.

I think we need to take a more direct approach.

Thank you, dear.

Thank you.

Scott, this isn't the disc I gave you yesterday.

It's not?

Remember, yours was different from everybody else's.

Miss Parker?

Scott, did you hear?

Amy's mom robbed the bank.

What? Boys, settle down.

Yeah, the police are out looking for her right now.

She must have gotten like this when we fell.

Come on, I gotta go.

The bell has rung.

What's going on?

Um, sick.

Very sick.

I gotta go.

Randy is too.

Okay, I'll meet you there. All right, bye.

Just as I thought. The kids are in trouble.

They all got emergency pagers from a place called Earth Protectors.

Scott thinks it's a setup.

Well, you better call somebody. The Fantastic Four.

A Superman.

Superman? You think Superman can do a better job than me?

Do you know who I am?

I hope you don't expect me to sew all those buttons back on.

Up, up and away!

Up, up and away!

I better get a running start.

What is this?

It's fenced.

It looks like we've all been invited to the same party.

Interest protectors whoever they are throwing it.

Maybe we owe Scott an apology Let's go

A little theatrical, don't you think?

Yes, it is theatrical.

A cage?

I got to tell you, I wasn't sure if this cage was going to be able to hold you

guys, considering the bars are made out of aluminum foil.

But I guess that's all just part of the game, huh?

What exactly is your game?

Brainwashing kids? What's going on?

Kidnapping housewives?

Stop me when I'm warm.

Malcolm!

What are you doing?

What is all of this?

Look, Bronze Eagle, you've got it all wrong. We're not criminals.

Really, we're not. We're just trying to make the world a better place, and if

you just give me a couple minutes to explain, I'm... Nina!

Shut up!

My delusional and altruistic friend here constantly fails to see the true

potential of her own invention.

I hope I don't come off overly cautious.

What with all the aluminum foil and whatnot.

Amy, I don't have time to explain.

But your mother didn't really rob that bank.

How do you know that?

I'm pretty sure it was part of a plot to capture my parents.

What are you talking about?

Look, but you have to trust me on this.

You remember that kid on the side of the building?

The dorky one?

Well, that was me.

Come on.

Maybe I shouldn't have taken a cab.

Adam.

Right?

You're totally fried when I get out of here.

You know, with your powers at my disposal, I'll have no trouble

controlling the mind of every consumer in the world.

What makes you think we'll cooperate?

I don't.

But in another minute or two, with this aluminum foil soaking up all your

energy, you'll be too weak to resist anything.

Malcolm, why are you doing this?

Nina, give me the disc.

No.

I can't believe I've been such an idiot.

I thought that you and I shared the same dream.

Nina, look, there's no reason we both can't accomplish our dreams here, okay?

I should have known the day I caught you drinking out of that styrofoam cup.

I mean, there's so many signs.

I mean, all those beef jerky wrappers and that leather belt you told me came

from a cow that died of natural causes.

Get her out of here, please.

Maybe we'll recycle her later.

What were we talking about?

Look, there's my mom's motorcycle.

I was right.

That's your mom's? Oh, jeez, my mom drives a hatchback.

Hey, there's my mom's station wagon.

Okay, I feel a little bit better.

But where's my grandpa?

He should have been here by now.

We need his reinforcements.

Scott, if my mom's in there, we can't just stand out here and wait.

Let's go.

Wait, what are you guys talking about? We can't go in there, okay? I mean,

not superheroes. No superpowers.

So what, Randy?

You don't need superpowers to help people.

Come on.

Guys, I'm probably not your best bet here. Come on.

At this point, you probably shouldn't be surprised, but your parents are a

bronze eagle and warrior woman?

You got a problem with that?

No. Just, uh, wondering why they never came to career day, right?

So that really was you on the side of that building?

Yeah. Saving people is kind of a family business.

But you're not a superhero, right?

Right. How'd you know that?

Well, you'd expect a superhero to make a goal every once in a while.

Hello? Hi. Yeah.

Can we just get a little bit of focus here? I mean, you had the entire seventh

grade to stare at each other. Am I right?

We just have to distract them long enough to get into that cage.

And then we have to get the cuffs off of my folks, okay?

Oh, shoot. And me without my welding gun. It's just aluminum foil.

Long story.

And the distracting part?

Don't worry.

i think i got a plan great now i'm gonna have a little training video

Come on, let's go. It's those kids. They're around here somewhere. Find

Let's go.

There's nothing you can do to hurt me, but there's a million different things I

can do to hurt you.

This stuff.

Yeah, come on, tough guy. I eat this stuff for breakfast, huh?

Ow, my filling.

Ow. So I guess that leaves you.

I got him.

Scott, you've got to save us. What are you doing?

Sorry, kid. I know the foil hurts, but I can't have you messing up our plan.

Play along.

My powers!

Get him out of here.

Our plans?

You can't do this without me. There's no way I'm letting you get rich off my

program. Besides, with my half of the money, I'll just buy the stupid

rainforest.

Dina, I think I underestimated you.

Three more minutes and their minds belong to me.

Uh... What?

Download. What is that?

Interrupted.

Download. What is that? What just happened? Oh, um... Nothing. Download.

Interrupted. There. Now I'm done.

Resume download.

Resume download. Hold up there, boss.

I think you might want to use this disc.

You're out of here.

You'll never get away with it.

load in progress.

Time remaining 2 minutes 54 seconds.

Initialize hyper hypnotic format.

Mind control extensions enabled.

Commencing DNA restructure sequence.

Total program download in 1 minute, 15 seconds.

Initializing brain stem and cortex power drain. Hey! Hey, kid, come back here!

Give me that ball!

Kid, I'm telling you, I'm warning you!

Do something!

Power drain program completion in 30 seconds.

Total genetic restructure in 30 seconds.

Commencing temporal lobe reprogramming sequence.

Initializing synapse scramble sequence.

Initializing memory blanking.

Total mind control in 15 seconds.

Total mind control in 10 seconds.

Watch him while I go take care of his friends.

That's my wife.

Scott,

I just want to say that I'm really proud of you.

Thanks, Dad.

And it's like I said, you don't need superpowers to be a superhero.

Yeah, but it sure would have been a lot easier.

Well, that should take care of any lingering memories of our identities.

You know, if you guys could destroy the rest of the disc as well, I'd really

appreciate it. I realize you can't force a person to do something, and I think

I'd like to go back to saving the world one bag of garbage at a time.

Thanks for saving my mom.

You're awesome.

Thanks.

Um, I want to ask you something, but...

Don't want you to think it's just because you saved my life.

Because I liked you before you did that.

But there's this... Yes.

Really?

Yes. I wanted to ask you, but I didn't think you liked me. No way. I thought

didn't like me.

No way.

Adam, don't.

Mom? Dad.

Scott, she'll be fine. She just won't remember anything that happened the last

couple of hours.

Now she's not going to remember she likes me. If she liked you before, it

shouldn't matter.

Whoa, all right, now it's Sparky. I mean, look, I need all the brain cells I

get, right? I mean, guys, wait, guys, look, I promised not to tell anybody. I

mean, look, who will believe me, right? I don't even believe you. You guys don't

believe me.

You know, you guys owe me, okay? I mean, I practically saved your life.

Can I zap him just to shut him up?

We couldn't have done it without him.

It would be nice for Scott to have someone to talk to.

Okay. Yes!

Honey,

is this a bad time to talk about the laundry?

You're putting way too much starch in the laundry.

I'm here to save the day.

Dad, Dad, Dad.

You're late.

I knew I should have taken a cab.

I better sit down.

Over here.

Now, all we have to do is light the campfire.

Don't even think about it, you little fire starter.

You know you're not supposed to do that.

Who appointed you?

Smokey the Bear?

Pretty exciting day, huh?

What's that supposed to mean?

Your mom robbing the bank and find out she was brainwashed?

Good thing Brian's Eagle and Warrior Woman showed up.

Yeah, it was really lucky.

Amy?

Uh... Good luck today.

Thanks. You too.

Try not to choke, okay?

So much for remembering.

That's burning rubber, I smell.

Molly!

Molly!

Mom!

Mom! Okay, let's vote for team captain now.

Scott.

Amy.

Scott. What?

Well, congratulations, Scott.

You're ahead by one vote, and you're the only one who hasn't voted.

Yeah.

Amy. What?

I'll vote for Amy.

All tied up, then.

You two okay with being co -captains?

Yep.

He must be very proud.

I am.

Let's play some ball.

All right.

You know, I was thinking...

Don't you just sidekick? I mean, every superhero has one, right? You know, just

the queen wisecracking friend just follows him around. Come on. I'm not a

superhero.

So? Neither was the Lone Ranger, but he had Tonto, huh?

Okay, you want to be Tonto?

Actually, no.

But I'd like to be that Kato guy. You know, the guy from the Green Hornet? I

mean, the Green Hornet was one of the coolest superheroes of all.

Yeah, he was a pretty nice guy. I like him a lot. You know him?

Know him? He came to my birthday party.