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EVERYONE IN THIS FILM IS REAL IF THEY SEEM REMINISCENT

OF MOVIE CHARACTERS THE SIMILARITY IS PURELY ACCIDENTAL

ATTENTION NATURE PROTECTIONISTS: NO FURRY CREATURES WERE HARMED

OR EVEN KILLED DURING THE MAKING OF THIS FILM

I'm Lieutenant Vlk. What's going on here?

Some psycho on the bus with a suicide vest is threatening to blow it up.

Understood. If we don't intervene now the bus will be late.

We can't leave people waiting around at bus stops, Helga.

I'm Lieutenant Drátek. What happened?

Either mass suicide or food poisoning.

Anything missing?

The contents of the safe and a few paintings.

Hey, stay where you are or I'll blow it all up.

I just wanted to ask, do you have a ticket?

- Why? - Did you buy a ticket before you got on?

No, I have a bus pass.

If I understand right, someone visited the jeweler during lunch.

Apparently when that person left, he hurried out schlepping a large bag.

But in the guestbook the butler wrote down his name,

address, Social Security and ID numbers, employment, and marital status,

and affixed a 3.5 x 4.5 cm ID photo.

You got a problem, my boy…

I'm not afraid of you.

It's expired.

Two days ago. Take a look.

PASSENGERS MUST HAVE A VALID TICKET

- Dammit! - You see?

Well, isn't the murderer this man?

Detective, that's brilliant!

You found the murderer in minutes.

But I'll sell you a ticket…

- For one euro. - Don't try to trick me.

No ticket, no dice.

Bullshit!

My Danuš said I'm too stupid even to be a terrorist, but at least I have…

- And do you know where to find him? - Let's make a deduction.

He won't be at his address, he'll be at his lover's place.

He's a taxi driver.

80% of the time a cab driver's lover is a blonde stripper.

And only one club has a blonde stripper.

Her name is Sylva Danešová, I bet she lives about a block from the club.

So that would be Podhradská Street.

I'm sure you can figure out the house number yourself. Later!

- Hello. - Hello.

My dear young friends,

welcome to today's friendly meeting.

Colonel, we're here to decide the next chief of criminal investigations.

Exactly.

In the name of Colonel Horváth, our jury chairman,

we welcome Lieutenant Isidor Vlk and Lieutenant Hercules Drátek.

We also have Lieutenant Prubner, of the Committee for Unjustly Accused Officers.

My name is Linda Kmoníčková, police psychologist.

You have an hour for the test.

A NOBODY FOR QUORUM PURPOSES

YOUR CHEAT SHEET IS IN YOUR COAT

What do you see?

A piece of paper. Someone spilled something on it.

- The countryside after a rain. - What an ass! Doesn't know what paper is.

Lieutenant, when was the last time you contributed

to the local fund for unjustly accused officers?

Let me check my datebook…

I have it right here: I pay regularly, without exception.

That is, except for the last five years.

I guess I forgot.

What about you, Lieutenant Drátek?

Lieutenant, I've actually overpaid 75 cents.

Excuse me, but when will you test strength and endurance,

like boxing, or pursuing a criminal in the field?

We won't. All field interventions have been logged.

Some of yours are even on YouTube.

LIEUTENANT VLK HAS 45 DEAD ON HIS CONSCIENCE

The next head of criminal investigations will be…

Congratulations, my dear young friend.

Thank you!

- Congratulations, Lieutenant. - Thank you.

- I look forward to your first orders. - Me too.

Come on!

- Not a chance! - See you later.

Thank you.

- Did you get to the seatbelt? - No.

- Can I drop you some place, Isidor? - No, thanks.

Get in. I want to go over your unconventional investigative methods.

I'd rather walk.

Get in. Now it's an order.

What's going on?

- There's no brakes. - Pull the handbrake!

Wait!

HOSPITAL

Drátek needs an operation.

But Vlk is a lost cause. Only his brain is viable.

Which one is he? This one or that one?

Nurse, make a mark on Mr. Drátek.

Like this?

Really, a cross?

Better like this.

THREE YEARS LATER

Finally, a vacation together.

Will you put lotion on my back?

- Major Prubner here. Yes, I'm on my way. - Who were you chatting with this time?

- Work. There's been a murder. - We're on vacation! You're always at work.

- You don't even know your family! - Nonsense. They look nice, who are they?

- Our kids. - Right, I knew that.

- When I get back I'll read them a story. - They're at university.

So clever.

When did you last take me to dinner or a movie? I want a Hawaiian vacation,

and you buy me stupid wallpaper instead!

Are you listening?

- Do something or I'll leave you. - Fine, I'll be in touch.

What?!

Listen…

- Marie! - Marie? What a lovely name. So Czech.

When I get a little time, I'll take you someplace we've never been.

Like the movies.

Or maybe the planetarium. This weekend is the conjunction of Jupiter and Saturn.

Screw your con injection! You don't care about me at all…

Thanks, darling.

- Well, what's new? - New? Detective Scully is.

- The name is Salley. Salley. - Prubner… Prubner.

She's the best at infiltration: she's penetrated several brothels.

She's also infiltrated the police president's bedroom.

Dressed as a prostitute, she immediately captivated seven pimps.

- Don't you mean captured? - No, captivated.

They offered 5,000 euros for her. The boss was for it, but she wasn't.

- She's been assigned to us in homicide. - Excellent. Who was murdered?

They're just hostages for now, up there. The murdering will come.

- We have a sharpshooter on the roof. - Lord have mercy, it's Jarda! Hi!

Shouldn't he be on the opposite roof?

Yeah, I suppose so. Doesn't matter, he has cataracts anyway.

- What about the guy? - He got fired and kidnapped two retirees.

- He's holding them at their place. - What does he want?

He hasn't called.

We're trying to get the number but the operator is causing trouble.

- He was fired from a toy company… - I had them bring over some samples.

- Anyone know how it works? - Yeah, sure.

We finally realized that you have to turn that little red dial…

Why doesn't it work?

Oh, right! The bomb squad cut the wires to prevent an explosion.

Has anyone tried this number?

KIDNAPPER'S DIRECT LINE

Say, your first assignment…

- I won't disappoint you, Boss. - Dial it for me.

- Hello? - Police here. Who's this?

- I'm Boozer. - Better sober up.

- That's Mr. Boozer. - You ought to get help, man.

Prove the hostages are alive, let me talk to one of them.

What are your demands?

I demand an autographed Justin Bieber CD,

a Minions backpack,

and, of course, a complete DVD collection of Dallas.

You've got five minutes

- or I'll mow them down. - It's gonna take some time.

How about showing a little good faith? Swap me for two of the hostages.

Sure. You can come in, but no funny business.

Major, I'll do it.

And strip down so I'll know you're not packing.

Magnanimous of you, Salley, but I'm going in.

Boss, what if they shoot you? Is there a plan?

Of course.

I want an awesome police funeral, and my wardrobe goes to charity.

He's joking.

He wants to be cremated, then sprinkled around his prefab housing complex.

Try anything and I'll drill you.

Turn around.

I have to examine you.

Breathe in… Breathe out… Fine. Tongue.

Say ah.

- You're fine. - Good.

Would you introduce us?

Hostage, these are hostages.

Hostages, this is a hostage.

Please to meet you. Such a family atmosphere here.

Cut the small talk. Sit down and tie your hands like theirs.

Me? I'm supposed to tie my own hands? No, you have to do it.

With stronger knots than they have. Look how loose. I'd get out of that and escape.

- I only know one knot. - You don't know the bunny rabbit?

- No. - The bowline?

- No. - Here, you'll learn.

The scouts use a little story to help. You form a "lake" with the lower coil.

The lower coil…

The taut part is a princess who's standing by the lake.

Insert the free end from below into the lake.

Then a dragon emerges, circles the princess,

and pulls her back down into the lake.

- Nonsense. Anyone can get out of that. - Nope.

- I messed it up. - No, it's perfect. You're a real scout.

- Really? - Yeah, let's go.

No thanks necessary, we're here for you.

- Hello, may I… Just a short interview. - Later, we're all stressed out now.

- What do I do with it, Boss? - A fricassee, I think.

In the car.

Here's to another case solved.

- Don't you want to enjoy your vacation? - No, I can't take it at home.

Two hours was plenty.

Sorry I'm late, Boss. The sitter fell through.

She got sick and canceled, so I scrambled to find a replacement.

The neighbor said she'd watch my mom, so everything's all right. What did I miss?

Just the normal routine. We have a new colleague.

Lieutenant Dymák.

- You must be Detective Scully. - My name is Salley.

Well, you bungled that, Dymák. But flattery goes a long way.

- Nice legs, Lieutenant. - Thanks, I had them lengthened.

Now they reach the ground.

Drink this, Dymák.

Prubner!

Have you gone mad?

I'm sick and tired of your lone wolf antics.

You not only threatened the hostages' lives, but also…

- Yours. - Mine.

What if something had happened to them?

That dog has won awards at two international dog shows.

Dammit, what is it now?

Minister, to what do I owe the pleasure?

Yes, Major Prubner's irresponsibility threatened…

Oh, it was your dog… And your rabbit…

So they were your parents? Got it.

What? You want to give him a medal for bravery? But…

I understand, Minister. Yes, sir!

What's new?

Well, the minister…

kind of, like, thanks you for saving his animals and his parents, etc.

I'm to give you a commendation.

So, like, consider it given, I guess.

And now I have to go. Carry on.

Salley speaking.

Louder, I can't hear you. I hear you now.

- Listen, we just got a call. - A call?

- There's been a murder. A woman. - Brutal and sadistic?

- Don't know, didn't know her personally. - Things are moving fast today.

- What's up, guys? Not going with me? - No thanks, Boss.

I'm going by bike. My doctor recommended…

Fresh air?

- No, the bike. - Me too.

I'll go with you.

Why would I sell it?

They offered me five for it.

Five thousand?

Five.

- You got here so fast on bikes? - Yep, we had a tailwind.

So, the victim is Kateřina Starablažková, 38 years old,

height 5'10", measurements 36-24-36.

Her hobbies were dance, singing, volleyball, and water polo.

Her favorite flower was the rose.

She preferred strong, dark-haired, successful men.

She longed for world peace.

She lived on the fourth floor, no elevator.

Therefore, we can almost say for certain that the murderer used the stairs.

- Used the stairs how? - It's a more demanding form of movement,

during which one leg is always bent at the knee at a right angle.

Then your weight shifts to the front foot…

Really no elevator?

The technical crew searched the house but found nothing.

What can you do?

Dymák!

Where's our lady corpse?

There. She's been dead for ten hours.

The patrolmen originally thought it was an accident.

Boss, I found something.

This is interesting.

- What, you found something? - Yeah, the tile needs grout repair.

We've marked the evidence: number one, a glass. Number two, a glass.

Number three, a glass. Number four, a glass.

There's really a lot of them: numbers 9, 15, 18,

26, 32, and 49.

Bonus number: 16.

- And then, of course, Lucky 10. - Did the murderer steal anything?

All the valuables are still here,

including a first edition of Mácha's Máj, a rarity.

Do we know how the murderer got in?

The lock is undamaged, so the victim probably knew the killer.

Check out the computer.

Who are those guys? Investigate them.

EGNEVER

What's this? Is it original?

Why would she spray it there? It doesn't go with the furniture.

Looks like an abbreviation.

- Maybe it's a coded message from the perp. - Take it into evidence.

Boss…

It'll be easy.

- Shouldn't we just photograph it? - Make it happen.

- My battery's dead. - Recharge it.

Again, Dymák?

Outlets don't like me. But I know where the breaker box is.

Not you! Someone else take care of it.

Hello… Do you have any leads? Do you know who the murderer is?

Have you chosen a vacation spot?

Our spokeswoman will answer all questions.

Can we get a statement?

Very few prints. The murderer must have wiped everything.

- Anything else? - No.

- You sure? - I'm sure.

- Who found the body? - An old lady from downstairs.

Boss…

Prubner, this is priority one.

This case has the public on edge. Know how many people are following it?

Not you. Prubner.

- I don't know. - Like usual.

2.5 million people saw it on the news.

A 31% rating and a 60% share.

Better than Friends.

You have seven days to solve this case.

Then I'm handing it over to Detective Colombo.

- Colombo? He's senile! - What?

A week is enough.

Not a week! Seven days and not a minute more.

And remember, Prubner, screw up and you can expect PP.

Prubner promotion?

Premature pension!

- Well, what have you found? - We found the ax,

- the writing on the wardrobe… - Writing?

I'm talking about evidence leading to a conviction.

- Have you checked out the computer? - Salley is patting it down.

What about flash drives or videos? Or important papers?

This is the only important paper we found.

Fine, I'll take it for analysis. Carry on.

Prubner, seven days… Otherwise, it's PP.

Praise Providence…

She probably fell asleep.

Well, she's not so young anymore.

Ms. Somráčková, open the door, it's the police!

Ms. Somráčková, how did you find Ms. Starablažková?

Well, Detective, I don't get out much.

But the caretaker sometimes helps her, and this morning she didn't answer the door.

Come on in.

You have a spacious apartment.

Did you paint this?

No, a room painter did. Nice patterned roller, huh?

And the picture?

Yeah, I'm always painting. I went to art school.

Did you hear anything yesterday?

What?

Yesterday, did you hear anything?

Yes, I did. The sound of feet, then screams.

How many feet was it?

Hard to say… 3 to 11.

Or 4 to 12!

But a guy used to visit her.

A weirdo.

I can just imagine what they got up to.

He was there yesterday. I think he killed her.

He was real strong, a well-built man.

Could you describe him for us?

Sure thing.

Go get the sketch artist.

I can paint him for you! I went to art school after all.

This is him.

Could you paint more copies for us? 100 of them?

Sure, no problem.

Cash or charge?

- Thanks. - What?

What do you have for me?

The murderer used an ax.

What?

- The murderer used an ax. - Tell me the details.

It's an old production tool used to manipulate wood.

It is comprised of a wooden haft and an iron head.

Not that. Tell me everything you know.

Okay. At the beginning of human history people hunted mammoths…

Not you.

You, Doctor.

- The murder took place in the evening. - Tell me the exact time.

Right now it's 12:10… But I guess that's not important.

The murder took place roughly between

3 and 11:40.

I can tell you more after the autopsy.

Do we know where the murderer got the ax?

I'd say over there, Boss.

The computer is password-protected but I'll break that password!

By the way, the victim had no cellphone. Isn't that suspicious?

- Good observation. - Thanks, Boss.

- Dymák, what've you got? - A wastebasket containing ashes,

- a banana peel, and a partly-eaten apple. - Suspicious. Take it for analysis.

- The banana or apple? - The ashes.

Salley, are you driving with the boss?

- Do you have another bike? - No.

Police, I need to commandeer your car.

Move it, you ill-mannered brat!

- Seen Salley? - She just drove off.

Fine, now it's my turn.

ALL-DAY GAME FOR ROOKIE INVESTIGATORS TURN OVER

On the Starablažková murder case we have Prubner, Rorýs, Dymák, and Salley.

Let's hear it for Lieutenant Červík

for solving the murder of Mr. Cat and his kittens.

And now the details: Prubner, anything new?

- Well… - Like always. Haven't moved an inch, eh?

Not exactly.

We have a psych profile of the perp compiled by our colleague Kmoníčková.

From what we know so far, it's clear that the perp's not Cambodian.

All Cambodians in the country, four in total, have an alibi.

We've ruled out Eskimos as well.

Only two live here, and both were asleep in a freezer that night.

So you've got zilch. Kmoníčková, Prubner… Eskimos, huh?

No, not Eskimos.

We also have an inscription found near the victim.

It's likely that the perpetrator left it.

And what does it mean?

Our experts say it's a true beast of a code

based on 128-bit encryption.

Our best team of experts is working to crack it right now.

But I think it could also be an abbreviation.

I fiddled with it all last night and came up with this:

All… this… scotch…

makes… our… party.

- Why scotch exactly? - Could be Stoli.

And this stupid man organizes police-work?

And this stupid man…

Yeah, that works too.

Thanks, Chief.

It's okay, come on in.

And we have a lead: Starablažková had a lover.

Lovers? How many?

A lover, singular.

Not necessarily a singular lover, but grammatically singular.

Who told you about the lover?

The old gal who lives downstairs saw him and thinks he's the murderer.

- Who is it? - Still don't know but we'll find out.

I questioned the neighbors, and no one knows anything.

They were all asleep, or at the cottage or at work.

Or both: asleep at the cottage or asleep at work.

A letter we found in Ms. Starablažková's trashcan

also confirms the lover's existence. True, she burned it,

but we collected the ashes and sent them for analysis and…

The boys in the lab worked all night to reconstruct the letter.

So far they've transcribed it from Cyrillic into Latin.

Now we just have to get it translated from "hick."

That shouldn't be a problem. Anyone speak hick?

Can I help?

It's a tough Southern dialect. I'll try my best to translate it.

Shucks, Mary, I done found out about yer fella…

I'm a-crying my eyes out. How could ya do it to me?

You was such a nice gal. Did ya really hafta?

Did you hafta do it, Mary? I don't wanna see you no more.

I ain't yer boyfriend no longer. It's over.

Well, well!

How's it going?

What?

Dr. Martin says she died after receiving a blow from a sharp object.

Did you autopsy her?

Yeah, I guess so.

Hold on… No?

I guess not.

Absolutely not. 100% no.

No.

I'm going to have a look at her. I had a couple semesters of dentistry.

Okay, extensive plaque… A cavity in the first molar, upper right…

That wisdom tooth has to come out. Got any pliers?

In the bowl.

Ever thought about another line of work, one with less blood?

But I like the work. And I don't know anything else.

Got you, you little bitch!

Please don't tell anyone.

I'd never be able to…

- Boss, I got into her email. - Anything interesting?

Some messages from a Ms. Tesáčková, who must be Starablažková's sister.

- Gonna be needing that bottle? - No.

I'll take it…

for experiments.

Make way! Citizens, make way!

Break it up! Nothing to see here.

- Sure there is. - Watch your mouth! Names?

- I'm Lookie-loo 1 and he's Lookie-loo 2. - Yep.

Start talking, Lookie-loo 1.

He jumped off the roof. He smacked the ground with a terrible sound like…

Like when a guy smacks the ground after jumping off a roof.

Why are you still hanging around?

To see if the other guy jumps.

The one who helped the first guy when he couldn't decide to jump.

Water!

He's alive!

Send an ambulance, fast!

EGNEVER

- Can you estimate when it happened? - At 11:05, the time his watch stopped.

- Doctor, is it serious? - No, it can be fixed.

Doesn't he look familiar?

Yeah, he does.

I tell you, it's him.

Hey, man, you're wanted.

Unit 13 here, we have a wanted individual.

Doctor! Hello, I'm Ms. Lancelot. They brought my husband in an hour ago.

- May I see him? - Mr. Lancelot…

- He's the jumper, right? - Yes.

- Your husband was carrying your photo. - Really?

Oh… That's not me.

It's that Starablažková tramp.

Oh, sorry. You know, I thought this woman was slimmer.

Even though her breasts…

Come with me.

He's sleeping.

Doctor, tell me the truth. What's his prognosis?

He suffered the greatest damage to his skull and brain.

We bandaged his head simply to keep it together.

Will he be able to work?

He's got a good salary, and we also support my mother.

To be frank, not likely. He needs a transplant.

If we don't find a suitable donor your husband will die.

In a year's time to the day.

Hello, is this the house where the sister of the murdered woman lives?

- Yeah, third floor on the left. - Thanks.

Ms. Tesáčková? Sister of Ms. Starablažková?

- I'm Major Prubner, homicide. - Got any ID?

Got any other ID? Vaccination card? Driver's license? Library card?

My license for the library should be in there.

It's expired, but it's okay otherwise. Come on in.

- Library card? - Part of a disguise.

Ms. Tesáčková, we bring bad news: your sister is dead.

My God, thank the Lord.

- I mean, how did it happen? - An ax blow to the head.

Really? That's odd, she was never sick.

- Like some coffee? - With pleasure.

- How often did you see each other? - Every Tuesday.

- But she hasn't been here for two weeks. - Are you sure?

Yes. I have a good memory.

- Like some coffee? - With pleasure.

- Did she have any enemies? - Loads, they even started a club.

- Dues are €4.75. - How do you know so precisely?

I'm the chairwoman.

Ms. Lancelot?

- I ain't Guinevere. - Police.

Do you know why your husband would jump from the 120th floor?

- He could've taken the elevator. - Nonsense, he had acrophobia.

He was afraid to cross a footbridge over a brook.

On top of that, he's been very happy lately.

He has a beautiful lover, he takes care of himself, jogs…

He dresses nice… why would he do it?

- Does your husband have any enemies? - No, King Arthur is already dead.

It is true, however, that my mother numbers among his enemies.

You look after your sister's daughter?

The poor thing. What will happen to her now?

It didn't work out with her husband. He drank.

He didn't like the girl at all. He said she wasn't his.

Who knows how he came up with that. Idiot.

She's sick. She's had ibuprofen and tea, now she needs to sweat it out.

- What's wrong with her? - A sprained ankle.

Oh, no…

- Did you know your sister had a lover? - Yeah. He was a weird mofo.

- Can you describe him? - No, but I could paint him.

Here you go.

Yeah, it's the same guy. Thanks.

Boss, it's a different person.

No, it's one and the same.

Ms. Tesáčková chose to use nonsensism, while Ms. Somráčková employed cubism.

One and the same guy. Thanks, we're done here.

My pleasure.

Another thing…

Any idea who'd want her dead?

Like I said, whoever.

You see, my sister spied on everyone.

I told her it'd get her killed one day. She said no, but I was right.

- Any names you can tell us? - No.

But there must be recordings, she had a lot of DVDs.

Thanks.

Wait a minute!

How awful of me… I didn't even offer you coffee.

I could use a coffee.

We're out of coffee, Boss.

I think we'll manage.

You were questioning a witness, right?

Last month I interrogated a bricklayer.

What about Ms. Starablažková?

The fingerprint results are in: they found nothing on the ax.

He must've worn gloves. But we found prints on this photo.

- Whose? - Some guy named George Clooney,

a "famous" actor from Hollywood.

Hollywood, huh?

- Yeah. - Well…

FOUR DAYS

- Why would he be at Buttinski's house? - I don't know, but he has an alibi.

He says he was on TV.

I didn't want to believe him but it turns out to be true.

Again, Dymák?

Ms. Starablažková was supposed to visit her sister on Tuesday, but she didn't go.

Maybe she has a lover.

- Here you go. - Thanks.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Here's the report from the two patrolmen who found the jumper, Mr. Lancelot.

What?

"Witnesses claim that Mr. Lancelot was pushed."

And they found the inscription EGNEVER there! I'm just finding this out now?

It changes everything. It means that Lancelot isn't the murderer.

It means he saw the murderer.

So the murderer needed to silence him.

It's lucky he's such a tough customer. We should question him.

I did. I asked him questions for an hour and didn't get a word out of him.

- He's a tough customer. - Tough through and through.

Maybe it's because, as it says here, he's in a coma.

- I don't think so. - Neither do I.

Anyway, the murders of Ms. Starablažková and her lover are connected, that's clear.

Dymák, I need a printout of conversations from Ms. Starablažková's phone.

And tell Rorýs to find Ms. Lancelot…

Sweet Ms. Lancelot…

She had a motive: she knew about her husband's lover.

And find me Salley.

- I'll be right back with Salley. - Great.

Excellent.

- How about trying "good cop/bad cop"? - Great idea, Salley.

- I'll be bad. - Really? Okay.

- Hello. - Hello.

Ms. Lancelot, I know this isn't an easy time for you,

but we need to ask a few questions…

Spill it, bitch!

Where were you Sunday between 10 AM and midnight? And yesterday at 11:30 AM?

You think I'm completely stupid? You whacked his lover!

That was great!

I did amateur theater. I even won an award when I was 16.

I'm not surprised.

- That was excellent. - Wasn't it?

Just needs better enunciation, with stress on "You whacked her."

Come and try it. Did you whack her or not?!

- Whacked her! - Whacked her!

- Whacked her, whacked her! - Whacked her, whacked her!

She's got it.

- That was it. - Thank you.

- But I have to disappoint you. - How so?

I have an alibi.

- For both days? - Yeah.

I'm a voice actor. I was at the studio. Here's the script I used.

Gerta:

Ah, ah, oh, ah, ah, more, more, Hugo, ah.

- Yes, more, more… - Give it here, "Hugo."

Ah, yes, yes, more, more…

Can you slow down a little? Stop, stop, hit the brakes!

Would you happen to have any samples?

Sorry, no wedding videos around here.

That's too bad.

We'll just verify that. That's a job for Dymák.

Doctor, what is Mr. Lancelot's prognosis?

I can only inform family members.

But I'm a close personal friend.

And now?

Hey, haven't we met before?

Certainly not.

I have good news.

We have donors for all vital organs, they've been centralized in room five.

We operate tomorrow morning.

- You've made me so happy. - There, there.

Thank you.

How's the investigation going, Major?

- Like butter. - Like to stop by my house sometime?

- Sure. - I think I figured something out.

I might have a lead.

Here's my cellphone. Call anytime, it's always on.

And if you just want to stop by, I wrote down where you'll find me.

YOU'LL FIND ME AT HOME

Prubner, I don't want to scare you but time is getting short.

But I think Ms. Kmoníčková wants to lead you in a new investigative direction.

I wonder what you'll uncover.

Major? You need to relax. Let me treat you to dinner.

That's kind of you, Salley. I'm not at all hungry.

I can't shake the feeling that there's someone at home waiting.

- It's gone. - Great, let's go.

Let's.

Over there.

Hello, what may I get for you?

For me the crispy duck breast with cauliflower purée and balsamic dip.

And the gentleman will have the juicy tenderloin on a bed of spinach,

with grenaille and floral garnish.

Right away.

Your meal is coming… Here you go, ma'am. Here you go, sir.

- Enjoy. - Thank you.

- What do you think? - Well…

At first I thought it was a classic love triangle, or square.

- Something geometric. - I mean the food.

- What? - The food.

It could use some ketchup.

Yeah? Hard to expect much for two euros for the pair of us.

- But it's included. - No!

Bring some ketchup.

- Otherwise? - Otherwise, Lancelot isn't the murderer

and his wife has an alibi. We have no other leads. It's a bad dream.

Let's not talk about work…

Hi, Martina, I was just thinking about you.

The kids? That's nice of them.

- Nothing but complications. - I could make things simpler for you.

- Here you go. - Thanks.

We have to find Starablažková's blackmail materials.

That's the key to the murders.

Salley…

- Call me Lolita. - Lolita, search her apartment again.

Ask Dymák and Rorýs to find out if the building has an attic or basement.

And get me a floor plan of her place.

- Will you be wanting another? - What do you think?

DO NOT ENTER

MARXISM LENINISM

I'm home!

Family?

Jack, this can't go on.

I sacrificed everything for you: my best years, beauty, and love.

I was a bottomless pit of patience but you destroyed everything.

When you look at me now, what do you see?

Well, what do you see?

Won't you even look at me when I'm talking to you?

You're so selfish!

I'm leaving you. I want to be with someone who doesn't forget my name.

- I'm just taking a few things. - Hold on… uh… you there…

Marie, you ignoramus!

Marie? I knew that.

NAME: JOHN LANCELOT

Hello, you've reached the psychological services of Linda Kmoníčková.

I can't come to the phone right now because I'm asleep or don't give a damn.

Oh, no!

No, no, no! Don't do this to me.

YOU'LL FIND ME AT HOME

Okay, the victim is Linda Kmoníčková…

Speed things up. Everyone knows she's our psychologist.

Someone put her in front of the spiral to induce deep hypnosis.

Could it just be chance?

Outside involvement is clear. Look at that.

- Oh, yeah. - The inscription.

Oh, yeah.

So it's a serial crime. But I found nothing at Starablažková's.

No DVDs, nothing. That's suspicious.

Let's have more such crimes: no blood means clean work.

- Is she dead? - That depends.

She's stared at the spiral for five hours.

The longer you look, the deeper you fall into hypnotic sleep.

And she's damn deep already.

A vegetative state. An ingenious crime.

Ingenious and no blood.

So someone wanted her to rot alive.

- That's disgusting. - Like I said, ingenious.

Ingen… ious…

If we spin the spiral the other direction will she come out of it?

Theoretically, yes, but she's already so far gone.

Let's risk it. Spin it backwards.

I'll do it.

I need a volunteer.

Great. Well, can anybody type?

- I can type and take shorthand. - Great. Come here and watch her.

As soon as this rings, stop that thing, okay?

- Hey, Sergeant, don't look at that. - Right.

- When do I type? - I'll check.

- That was terrible. Who could've done it? - Anyone since she had no husband.

Well, well…

- Greetings, Chief. - Prubner!

Does bad luck follow you? Are you a magnet for trouble?

- It's like someone killed one of us. - But she's not dead.

- Not dead? What do you mean? - We're trying to spin her back.

Doesn't matter, I've arranged everything: a gala funeral with a gun salute.

I found her journal with the names of her patients.

Your name's there too, Chief.

Prubner, you've got 103 hours to find out who did this to her. Got it?

I'll give the journal to our analysts so you won't bungle it.

- Is the time adding or subtracting? - Ha!

Seriously, is that 103 hours getting… Does anyone understand?

- What time is it anyway? - 12:22. Why'd he take the journal?

Boss, here's that printout of phone conversations.

Great.

That's the number of the chief's spokeswoman.

Why did she call Starablažková three times in a row?

- I'm surprised she can talk at all. - Confirm the numbers.

Yes? What?

Lancelot has finally come to.

- 12:23. - Already?

- I'll check. - Let's go.

Doctor, Mr. Lancelot. Driver, 43 years old, well-liked by the group.

A handsome, well-off, aging romantic with one commitment: his wife.

Temperature?

19°C.

- Blood pressure? - 120 hectopascals calculated at sea level.

Wind at 10 m/s, overcast.

- How did his tests come out? - He got a C in chemistry and a D in math.

Doctor, I need to talk to Mr. Lancelot.

- Hello. - Hello.

- Hello…? - Well, hello.

Don't act surprised, we carried out a complete reconstruction:

new vocal cords, new limbs, almost all new internal organs…

With slight exaggeration, we're talking about a brand-new person.

Mr. Lancelot, I'd like to ask a few questions.

- Who are you calling mister, bub? - You're Mr. Lancelot.

What are you talking about? I'm Mrs. Růžena Nováková.

It's his brain…

We wanted to transplant it to a new skull but there was an administrative snafu.

I don't understand, such a fine operation.

Well, we're screwed.

Boss, we found another corpse, this time at the dump.

- What about saying hello? - Hey, everybody.

- Hello. - It's a catastrophe, let's go.

- Goodbye. - Goodbye.

A word, Doctor…

- Get in. - Let's take mine.

- Why? - I had to bring my mom with me.

No one to watch her. I don't want to leave her here in the parking lot.

Someone might steal her.

Sorry, darling…

It's okay, she's asleep. She'll last till she gets hungry.

- Discover anything? - Well…

Death occurred between 8 PM and midnight about 500,000 years ago.

That's the Middle Stone Age.

Cause of death?

A blunt object to the head, probably a hand ax.

By the way, here it is.

Gentlemen, that's ours!

Yours is over there.

You see? No blood. Clean work.

I'm gonna like this guy, the rascal.

Colonel Kamil Horváth. I think you knew him, Boss.

Cause of death: strangulation by rope. His car is up there.

Rorýs, why do you think it's the same murderer?

Because of this.

EGNEVER

Boss, you have something here on your face.

Yep…

So it's "revenge" backwards…

- What a brilliant code. - Indeed.

- I guess the perp is smarter than we are. - No way!

…than we are giving him credit for. He has a high IQ.

I passed an IQ test, on the third try.

- You could be chief, Dymák. - In time.

So the same murderer killed Buttinski, Horváth, and Kmoníčková.

Yep. Hey, Ms. Kmoníčková isn't dead.

She should be fit as a fiddle by now.

- Dammit! - Major, we're screwed. We can't undo this.

- Boss? - Yeah?

Dymák, stop! Find him something to look at.

- Stop! - What's on at 4 o'clock?

Boss? Shouldn't we spin it in the opposite direction?

No. I have a completely different idea.

Go, wait out there…

Officers come inside, please. Everyone!

You're number 3 and you stand here.

Ma'am, you're number 2 right here…

Number 4, you're right here. And you are number 1 right over here.

Now pay attention: 4 watches 2, 2 watches 1, 1 watches 3, 3 watches 4.

Once again: 2 with 1, and so on. Questions?

- What number am I? - Let's go.

Excuse me, here we go…

- Excellent. - I asked my mom to make sweet buns.

Back to work. Well, what do we know?

- Don't be shy. Dymák? - Can I use the restroom?

- No, you'll sit here until… - But I'd rather not…

…until we come up with a suitable result.

- What's up? - I made a mess and need to change.

Well, there's no rush. Enjoy yourself, we have time.

Where could Ms. Starablažková's blackmail materials be?

Let's go check out her apartment. Dymák, do you have plans of her place?

- Yeah. - These buns of yours really helped me.

- I know. - Let's go.

- I can't go like this. - We know.

What could be taking Dymák so long?

Stop right there, Lieutenant Salley!

Boss…

- That's our spokeswoman. - Perhaps you missed this last time?

It was such a mess here…

At least we have it now. Couldn't have found it without you. Good work.

Thanks, Boss, I try.

Here are the floor plans: Starablažková's apartment and the one below.

- And that? - My apartment.

I knew it, the plans are exactly the same but this place is visibly smaller.

There has to be a hidden room someplace.

Enough!

It's right here.

Pull them apart.

Boss, this place is a gold mine.

BLACKMAILING A MANAGER

- Boss? - Bingo!

- Bring all blackmailing materials. - Better bring everything.

Well, it's gonna be a long night.

- What should we start with? - Any comedies?

Boss? If this is our spokeswoman's ID can't we just squeeze her a bit?

We have nothing on her. She'll say she lost it while walking her dog.

- In a flat? - She'll talk her way out of it.

She barely talks at all.

Prubner? Just here to remind you that you have 12 hours left.

Things are looking up, Chief. We found the blackmail videos.

And?

And we're just about to watch them. Let's go.

No, don't.

Look at the two of you.

You need to get some sleep.

Know what? You get some rest

and I'll lock these in the evidence room.

Dymák, grab the rest of these and follow me.

Get a move on!

He wants to take all the credit. He'll find the murderer and reap the benefit.

Or he's involved with the spokeswoman and is trying to shield her.

We need those videos.

Leave it to me, Boss. I'm an expert at infiltration.

Hey there, I got a call about an emergency.

They said a water pipe broke in the chief's office.

- How did it happen? - Did you see Titanic?

Same principle: it happened at night, a sudden impact, water everywhere, etc.

Okay, here are the keys to the administrative floor.

POLICE OF THE CZECH REPUBLIC

What code did you pick, Chief? How sophisticated are you?

BLACKMAIL: THE DEPARTMENT BLACKMAIL: THE MAYOR

Boss, I got it.

Salley, if you were standing here in front of me, I'd…

- You'd what? - I'd pat you on the back.

Wait, two DVDs are missing.

I'll call you back.

SPOKESWOMAN

Damn…

I'm so awesome!

I found them. What will you do to me now?

Salley, now I'd almost hug you.

You won't believe who had them.

- I'll be the bad cop this time. - You?

I've done some acting too.

Let's go.

Ms. Rambousková, why were these found in your office?

And why was your ID found in the murder victim's apartment?

Someone must've put it there.

Enough denials!

Why did Ms. Starablažková call you?

She wanted to talk to Chief Drátek, but I didn't give her his number.

I don't know if she ever got in touch with him.

I really care about him.

I care about him too…

She's telling the truth, she has his picture everywhere.

I'm getting curious about those movies.

We have to view them from start to finish.

Let's go see Rorýs.

BLACKMAIL

STATE FILM DISTRIBUTION PRESENTS

BLACKMAIL

WRITTEN AND DIRECTED BY

Listen up, loser.

I know who you really are, and I know Helga.

Your superiors and the TV news might be interested in this.

And it's completely up to you if I tell them or not.

Pay attention now, these are my conditions.

- Any coffee? - I'll get it.

Not Dymák! He was at my place last week, and they just got the electricity back on.

- Yeah, not you. - I'll do it then.

That's nice of you. Who wants some?

Me too.

Think about your future.

Order a black coffin made of eco-friendly materials. Your future is black…

- For me… and for the boss. - Thanks.

Where was I?

Right, I want a million crowns in coins

and the complete Pokémon collection. You have until Sunday.

Otherwise, I'll send part 2 to every TV station.

The Czech version starred…

Wow, what do you think?

- Weak script, good camerawork. - She blackmailed him and he killed her.

- That was the movie's main theme… - But why'd she blackmail him?

Put on part 2.

Well, part 2 helped clarify everything.

And part 2 was better than part 1. Maybe she made another sequel.

- Part 3 always rehashes parts 1 and 2. - Not always.

- God, it's already morning. - Recap: It all started three years ago

when choosing between Drátek and Vlk to head up criminal investigations.

The chair of the hiring committee was our psychologist, Ms. Kmoníčková.

Vlk completely washed out.

Drátek and Vlk left the interview in the same car,

and they wound up in an accident

that left them both in critical condition.

Boss, 20 minutes till our time is up.

- Let's go see the chief. - But we're taking my car.

I just mopped the floor, you jerks!

Major Prubner was unable…

Like I said, Major Prubner managed to turn up nothing.

To say nothing of the fact that you interrogated my spokeswoman.

- And he raised his voice. - So he used brutal methods.

And now you've run out of time.

You are mistaken, Sir, we found our murderer.

He's here among us.

Really? So where is he?

In order to understand, you have to know the basics.

First is motive.

Egnever…

means revenge. Victim number 1, Ms. Starablažková, knew something.

She knew the real identity of the person she was blackmailing, so she had to die.

Her lover Mr. Lancelot died by chance, the murderer didn't know what he knew.

No one deaf here, take a seat.

Our murderer is Isidor Vlk.

He died in the hospital years ago.

What if Isidor Vlk didn't die and what if Drátek did?

The surgeon sewed Drátek's face, and a few other parts, onto Vlk.

Ms. Kmoníčková kicked Vlk out of the job interview.

She and Horváth had to die for being on the hiring committee.

And Kmoníčková was Vlk's shrink,

he didn't know what he might say under hypnosis.

Our murderer is Isidor Vlk and his lover Helga!

They tried to pin it on Ms. Rambousková, but in vain.

Nonsense. The figment of a sick mind. You have no proof.

He tried to kill me. He is Isidor Vlk!

Over my dead body!

Or maybe over yours. You were on the list anyway.

No!

- Salley, after him! - But Dymák…

I'll take care of him. Go, that's an order!

- Salley! - What?

- Be careful. - Oh, god…

Boss…

Tell my wife that…

Dymák, you don't have a wife.

I know… but that's what they always say.

Think of something else. I'll write it down.

Punish him for me too. Good dog…

No, that's what Lenin said. Go on… No, not now!

Don't give up!

- I don't know what my last words are. - Nice! I'll write that down.

Don't give up, don't give up!

How come he's not bleeding?

Is there even a hole in him?

Just the ones we all have.

What do you think?

A bit scratched but I think it'll play.

Check it out.

Salley!

Helga, they're after me, wait!

Stop!

Give up, it's not worth it.

- Stop or I'll shoot her. - Don't be stupid.

No, don't jump, you'll die!

Salley!

We can't risk it. Out the front.

Go, go, go!

Sorry, I've been here too long.

Don't apologize.

- I love you. - I love you too.

- I love you more. - No, I love you more.

Forget it, another time.

Stop!

Hey!

Stop!

Go, go!

- Let's go! - Move it!

Salley, bikes… Stop, we're police!

We're commandeering your vehicles for police use. Thanks!

- Drive faster. - Faster!

After them!

- Can't you go faster? - Move it!

Call for backup.

Backup, block the path! Yeah, them!

- What's wrong, lazybones? - I'm through.

- Isidor, give yourself up! - Never!

We have to split up. Let's meet up again at our spot.

Dammit!

- I'll take the bitch, you get Vlk. - Good idea.

Stop!

How about settling this mano a mano?

Fine.

Actually, I don't know karate.

So what's with the pose?

It looks good.

How about something else? Aikido, Judo, boxing, kickboxing, tae kwon do…

- No. But I'll give it a try. - Okay.

- What's wrong? - I pulled a muscle.

It'll be okay, come on! It was going so well.

I'm exempt from PE.

Fine, let's go.

Could've been such a good action scene.

Jerk…

Out of bullets, eh?

I swear I had 200 in the clip.

Too bad.

These are the last moments of your life.

Say something clever and let's end it.

Clever? Easy for you to say. How about a little physics?

You're through, you scoundrel. The long arm of the law is ruthless.

Drátek alias Vlk ended up in the sewer.

Pull him out, dry him off, wash him up, and lock him up.

- Rorýs, where were you this whole time? - Sorry, the movie was really exciting.

- What's up with Dymák? - He's getting lots of marriage offers.

- What was the movie about? - A girl who really likes meeting people.

And they were all so poor that they didn't have much to wear.

A word, Boss?

How about wearing penguin fur?

What's that?

The thing you've got on? I don't wear that stuff, man.

- At least for the toast. - Well, if it'll make you happy.

He's coming!

Thank you, thank you very much.

I don't officially take over until tomorrow, but thank you.

Before I forget, our group will now be led by Lieutenant Rorýs.

Congratulations. Major, still got my number?

Of course: 971425855477…

- …8194321. - Go!

Stop by sometime. I have something for you.

Excuse me, a work matter…

Chief sir, I hope we'll be working very, very closely together,

closer than with the colonel. And if I could have a photo of you,

- I'd like to hang it on the wall. - I'll have a look.

Dymák!

- Who are they? - They are…

- …my new nursemaids. - Wet or dry?

I hired them for my mother and I guess they'll be living with us.

- We're having coffee. Like some? - Gladly.

- Boss, like some? They're fresh. - Doesn't matter.

- Major, you still owe me that hug. - I know.

I'm home alone tonight…

I guess you'll be afraid.

That's not what I meant.

You're an attractive woman but…

I want to be faithful to Madeleine…

Monica…

Marcella… Mads…

I want to be faithful to my wife.

Got it.

I just thought there were sparks between us.

- Dymák! - You blew the circuits out everywhere.

Don't be sad, Scully.

The name's Salley…

Boss…

I bought it cheap on the Internet.

Dymák, why do you think I bought that beauty over there?

This isn't a jukebox?

I wondered why it wouldn't play after I put in almost 500 crowns.

THE REAL NEWS

- I missed you. Are you happy? - You don't even know how much.

Now you'll be home. All that work didn't agree with you.

You tossed and turned in your sleep. You even slapped me.

Nonsense…

I wasn't asleep.

Prubner here…

Yes, I understand.

A new case. A small-town murder, the killer is hiding in the fields. Gotta go.

If you leave now it really means the end.

Coming.

The end.

MAJOR PRUBNER WILL RETURN!