All language subtitles for Small.Prophets.S01E03.1080p.iP.WEB-DL.AAC2.0.H.264-RAWR-[Feranki1980]

Really Saying Something -by
Bananarama & Fun Boy Three

♪ I was walking down
the street -Doo waddy wah

♪ When this boy started
following me -Oh, yeah

♪ Oh, I ignored
all the things he said

♪ Doo waddy wah -He
moved me in every way

♪ Really saying
something -Saying something

♪ Bop bop shoo be doo wah... ♪

What are you doing?

Nothing.

Are you watching him next door?

No!

So? You're always spying on him.

Aw, Bev, he's filling
buckets AGAIN. Oh...

Right.

Chaffinch.

Says 'ere that they "typically breed
between late April and early May,

"with an incubation
period around 15 days

"with roughly 11
to 18 fledge days".

-What are you going on about?
-Well, that was his excuse,

why he couldn't cut the
hedge - chaffinches nesting.

Well, not if they're "typically
breeding between late April

-"and early May".
-You're obsessed, Clive. Just leave him alone.

Anyway, I like him.
I think he's funny.

-Funny?
-Yeah. Quirky. Interesting.

Not boring.

"Funny"!

Your Majesty.

Ma'am.

Oh, God...

Agh!

Where's Oscar with
the wheelbarrow?

-What's going on?
-None of your business.

-Did you steal this van?
-Found it. They left the coins.

Well, you can't take them.

Why not? Finders keepers.

There's nothing left.

Where do you live?
What school do you go to?

-I should call the police.
-Piss off, Grandad.

If you do, I'll tell them
you showed us your dick.

Get 'em all in.

Yeah, I mean, it was all right,

but I doubt I'll watch any
more episodes. It's just...

..I find I can't believe him
in serious roles any more,

not since I saw him
crying in his pants

-in "I'm a Celebrity... Get Me Out of Here!".
-Right. - Mm.

Like, I'm sure he plays a really
convincing hospice worker, but once

you've seen someone chewing down
a kangaroo's anus on ITV it's hard to

-suspend your disbelief, innit?
-Mm-hm...

-Oh, my God, is that Kaitlin Thorncroft?
-Who?

-The newsreader.
-I've got absolutely no idea.

It is her. Oh, my God. I'm
going to go and talk to her.

Hiya! Do you need any help?

Yes, please. I do not
know what I'm doing.

I've got this pipe spewing water
on the patio. I just need to stop it or

seal it or something.
This came off. It's split.

Let's get you over
to the plumbing aisle.

Yeah, so this bit goes on the hose
pipe first, and then this bit screws

into that, and
that should do it.

That's amazing.
Thank you so much.

-What's your name?
-Erm...

-Kacey. Thank you again, Kacey.
-You're welcome. - Bye. - Bye!

It's nice to meet you...

Are you all right?

-What happened?
-Did you see her?

-Yeah. What happened? Why are you upset?
-She was just so...

..I don't know, so friendly...
and, oh, my God, just so confident

and successful. And
she asked my name,

but then she saw my
badge, and it's just...

It's like she's not going back to
a shit, damp flat with mould in the

bathroom, is she?

And she even smelled nice!

Is this an official break? Because
I don't remember telling anyone...

Is she...?

-What?
-Crying?

-It looks like it, yes.
-What's wrong with her?

SHOUTING: Get out!

Let's get out of here.

This cafe's named after the dog
that found the World Cup. Pickles.

Are you OK now?

Yeah.

Thanks. Sorry. I don't
know what came over me.

-So, erm... Sorry, what's her name?
-Kaitlin Thorncroft.

-Kaitlin Thorncroft. Is she...?
-Is she what?

-Well, is she, like, your favourite, or something?
-No, I haven't thought

about her twice before in my life.
She's just someone off the telly.

But it was...

It was like looking through
a window into another life.

She had a driver. Did you see?

Not a cabbie. A driver, someone
who just, like, drives her around.

I don't know, it was just
weird, seeing her in real life,

-in the shop.
-Yeah. Yeah, I think I get it.

She had a patio.
Have you got a patio?

I think so.

I certainly used
to have a patio.

I haven't seen it for a while.

Imagine having a job you
actually gave a fuck about.

So what would you be
doing? In an ideal world,

what job would you
give a fuck about?

-I know exactly what I'd be doing.
-What?

-I'm not telling you. - Why not?
-Because it's ridiculous.

-It's impossible.
-Well, it isn't, because you thought of it.

-Honestly, it... it's stupid.
-Tell me. - No. - Tell me!

I want to be in Neighbours.

-Pardon? Neighbours?
-No, see, cos you're going to laugh, and it's...

-I... I'm not laughing. Neighbours, the Australian soap opera?
-Yes.

-Sorry, you want to be in Neighbours as an actor?
-Yes.

-Are you an actor?
-No.

Mate, you can be in Neighbours.
Why not? You just have to, you know,

-"believe". Wait a minute, wasn't Neighbours cancelled?
-Yes!

Don't worry, we'll bring it
back. I'll start a crowd-funder.

What sort of character would you
be? Would you be, like, the quirky

-English character that's just...
-You don't think I could do Australian?

-Oh, right, you're an Australian character?
-Well, yeah, they're all

-Australian in it.
-Can you do the accent?

Shut up. I wish I
hadn't said anything.

Bloody hell, Kace, I
think that is fantastic.

I'm going to help you.

I'm just trying to think,
have I got any contacts

within the Australian
Broadcasting Corporation?

We can figure that out. We
will bring back Neighbours,

and you will be in it. Oh,
yes, you WILL be in it. Cheers.

REALLY annoyed that
Gordon saw me cry.

-Why?
-Because!

-He saw a weakness. He'll use it against me.
-Crying isn't a weakness.

When was the
last time you cried?

I don't cry. It's a weakness.

-Seriously, though, you do cry?
-No, really, I don't.

Can't remember
the last time I cried.

Nah, I bet you sob
yourself to sleep every night.

Don't, like...

..tell anyone... about the
Neighbours thing, yeah?

-Not even Brigham?
-Oh, you better not!

Oh, yeah - you know when
you were at the pub last week

-and you were drunk?
-Wasn't drunk.

Right. Well, you know when we
were at the pub for Andre's birthday?

-What is it that you were growing in jars?
-Eh?

You kept going on about these
creatures you were growing in your

-shed. Magical Sea-Monkeys or summat.
-Did I say that?

-Was that just to you or to everyone?
-To everyone.

-Shite! I must have been drunk.
-Yeah.

Well, can you see 'em
yet, or are they still invisible

-to the naked human eye?
-No, they're visible now.

Well, three of 'em.
They're about this size.

-And what were they called again?
-Homunculi. - Homunculi.

-Can I come and see them, then?
-I wasn't supposed to tell anyone.

I can't believe I said
that in the pub. Ohhh!

-Do you think they'll remember?
-I doubt it. They were all leathered.

Can I come and see them?

Reluctant face emoji.

Come on. I told you
about the Neighbours thing.

Maybe.

OK. But you mustn't
mention it to ANYONE.

-When?
-Weekend, maybe?

Michael! Mike!

How's your homunculi?

Oh, bloody hell!

He's not answering his
phone... Here he is. This is him.

Michael Sleep?

-Er, yeah...
-Did you witness a robbery this morning?

No. I don't think so.

A security van?

Oh, yeah. God!
Yes. Sorry, yes, I did.

Er, some kids were
robbing the coins. Little...

Can we have a word?

-How many kids?
-Er, four. Or five.

Or six. One of them
had a wheelbarrow.

-And why didn't you report it?
-I was going to,

but then I heard your
sirens coming, so...

As a witness to a crime, do you
not think you should have stayed

and reported what you saw?

They said they were going to
tell you that I'd exposed myself.

-Why did you expose yourself?
-No, I didn't.

But that's what they said they
were going to say, and I didn't want to

stick around and be
accused of it. Sorry, what...

..what are you writing?

"Constable Sergeant."

-Hmm?
-Nothing.

-Did you see which way they went?
-Not really.

Do you think you could
recognise any of them again?

It's unlikely. They were kids.
They were just grubby kids.

Oh, one of them
had jam on its face.

What kind?

-Of jam?
-Yes.

Apricot.

That's just a guess.

He's coming now.

What are you doing? What
are you doing? Get back to work!

Michael, do you mind telling
me what the hell's going on?

I saw some kids robbing a van on
the way to work. That's it, Gordon.

I can't have police officers

marching in here, questioning my
staff. How do you think that looks?

Hello, Hilary?

-Yes, I'll be right there.
-No.

Ah, t-t-t-t-t... Yes,
I'm on my way. OK.

I've got to go. Me dad's
had a fall at the home.

I didn't "have a fall". I
tripped over the effing cat.

-Is that not having a fall?
-No. It's entirely different.

A "fall" is what old people
do when they can't be arsed

to concentrate on
standing up properly.

Number one, I'm not
old enough to have a fall.

You're pushing 90, Dad.

Number two, I tripped
over an effing cat!

Well, we'll get the
doctor to check you over,

make sure you haven't
fractured anything.

Can you leave us alone,
please? I need to talk to my son.

-Hey, Dad, don't be rude to Hilary.
-Well, I said "please", didn't I?

-In a rude way, yes.
-It's all right.

-Do you want a cuppa?
-I'm all right. Thanks, Hilary.

So... how's it going?
Are they growing?

-Are you sure you're all right, Dad?
-Yes. The prophets.

You said you've seen them.
Are they moving? Are they eating?

I can see three. The other jars
are empty, as far as I can tell.

-Which three?
-Well, I think one of them is the king. He's got a crown.

Yeah, good, that's
right. And the others?

Maybe a queen,
maybe a... an angel.

That'll be the seraph, yeah.
You've got to keep on top of

the water changes
and the feeding.

And continue to chant.
It makes them strong.

Dad, what are they? They
look like people trapped in jars.

What am I doing? Should
I even be doing this?

No, no, you mustn't anthropomorphise
them. They're not people.

They're not even physical half
the time. They're supernatural.

They don't abide by the laws of
nature. They have a different set of

rules which we're not
even close to understanding.

Then how do I know how to look
after them? I mean, they look as though

they're in pain. They
look like they're suffering.

Well, there you go again,
anthropomorphising!

They exist in a different
realm. They want to tell the truth,

they need to tell the truth,
so you keep them fulfilled

by asking them the
questions you need to know.

It says in the book they have
to be buried in horse manure

until they reach the
State of Divination.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, venter
equinus. Bowels of the horse, yes.

-But I think any farmyard manure will probably do the trick.
-Right.

It's to keep them warm? Can't
I just whack the heating up?

No, no, no. Trust the
recipe, son, it's all there.

It's as much to do with
decomposition, the breaking down of

living material to transfer
life and vitality to the prophets.

I'll, erm... I'll
pop back later.

I am sorry about him
being snappy with you.

Bloody hell, that's nothing, love.
You should hear some of the names

-I get called. Is he OK?
-Yes. He's just a bit confused.

-I'll pop back later.
-Hey, did he tell you he had a visitor earlier?

-Dad did? - Yeah.
-Was it your brother-in-law?

Roy? Clea's brother?
He came here?

Oh, that's all right, is it? Your
dad seemed to recognise him.

Yes, it's... it's fine. Do
you know what he wanted?

Well, he said he was just
passing, wanted to say hello.

Fine. Cool. Thanks.

Roy, it's Michael. I don't
want you visiting my dad.

I don't know what you want from
him, but practical strangers turning up

just confuses him, and, you
know, he has his routines.

Please don't visit him without
me there or without telling me first.

It confuses him.

Bye.

Hello, Michael.

Hello...

It's funny, er... Don't know if
you remember you saying you...

Remember you said you
couldn't cut your hedge because

there were... birds nesting?
Chaffinches, I think you said.

-Oh, yeah?
-Yeah, well, I was just, erm...

..having a look at this
bird book, and it's, er...

I just noticed that it said that...
that they nest in, er, springtime.

-Really?
-Yeah.

Apparently, all... all
garden birds do, so... Yeah.

That's when they...

That's when they nest, so...

Terrifying.

What is?

Climate change.

-Hello, Michael!
-Bev.

Cheerio.

Bright Eyes -by Art Garfunkel

♪ Is it a kind of dream
♪ Floating out on the tide

♪ Following the river
of death downstream?

♪ Oh, is it a dream? ♪

Michael, it's Roy. Give us a ring
back when you get this message.

Listen, mate, it wasn't me that
came to visit your dad at the home.

I don't know who it
was, but it wasn't me.

So you need to find out
who's saying they're me and...

..what it is that they
want from your dad.

Give us a ring back,
yeah? Cheers. Bye.

Hello! It's Roy, isn't it?

-Yeah. Hello.
-I'm Bea. I was a friend of your sister Clea.

-I-I think we met once, a long time ago.
-Oh. OK.

Yeah, I worked with Clea for a
while. We did the antiques stalls

-together.
-I remember. Second-hand books, wasn't it?

-Do you hear from her?
-Er, no. She, erm...

I mean, she... You know.

-She went missing.
-Yeah, of course.

Yeah, I was just... wondering
if anything had changed.

-What's your name again?
-Bea. Beatrice.

-Do you want to... get a coffee or something?
-Yeah, OK.

What's it been, five
years since she went?

-Nearly seven.
-Oh, wow, is it that long? - Yeah.

-Yeah, I guess it is.
-You still doing the antiques place?

Oh, no, that place closed
down a long time ago now.

God, do you know what? I've just
remembered that Clea used to rent

a storage unit to keep
some of the extra stock in.

-Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
-I wonder what happened to it.

-I don't think there was much in it by the end, but...
-Yeah,

I don't know. You'd
have to ask her partner.

He kept everything as it was.
He still thinks she's going to

walk through the front
door one of these days.

It must have been so hard for...

Oh, God.

I've forgotten his name. Erm...

-Hamish.
-Of course, Hamish.

Poor Hamish. Do you have his
number? Is he still at the same place?

Why don't you give me your
number? I'll get him to give you a ring.

-Morning, Olive!
-Morning, Michael! You well?

Er, yeah, yeah. I'm... I'm
very good, thank you, Olive.

What ARE you up to?
That looks like hard work.

Yep. I've decided it's time
to go for the fake grass.

-Fake grass?
-Yep, the old Astroturf.

I swore I wouldn't,
but needs must.

-Are you sure that's not carpet, Olive?
-Carpet? No.

Because it looks like it's
got a pattern from here.

-Has it?
-Where did you get it from?

A fella came to the
door. He had it in a van.

Let's have a look.

Hmm...

Sorry, Olive, that is
definitely deep-pile carpet.

Ah, fucking hell!

-How much did you pay for it?
-I'm not telling you.

It looks like it's acrylic, so you
never know, it might last a while.

-At least it's green.
-Exactly. At least it's green.

And... I quite like the paisley.

Hiya!

Hello.

-What are you doing here?
-I'm good, thanks. How are you?

Sorry. I... I wasn't
expecting you.

Well, I've come to
see your Sea-Monkeys.

-It isn't really convenient.
-Come on, mate, you said.

All right. Quick, come in.

Mind the, er, brambles
and the nettles.

-And the barbed wire.
-And the barbed wire.

Hang on.

They don't like it too bright.

Right... It's like an
opium den in here.

-Or a brothel. - Don't touch anything.
-I wasn't going to!

Are you ready?

Ready? I don't know. Should
I be scared or summat?

No! Definitely not. They can
sense fear. It makes them freak out.

OK...

What am I looking for?

Tap on the glass gently.

Hey, that's cool. How
do you get it to do that?

SHOUTING: What the
fuck! What the fuck is that?!

Shush! Don't shout, you're
stressing him out! Please!

I am so sorry.

Kacey!

And they need to get
this squeaky clean.

-They don't want to be over a barrel!
-Keep your voice down!

Michael, seriously,
what the fuck was that?!

I told you, a homunculus.
That was the king one.

You've completely terrified him.

-Oh, I'VE terrified HIM?
-Hello, Bev!

Are the others...

-..like that?
-Yeah. They're all different but, yeah, similar.

OK.

OK, now I know what to expect...

Seriously, though, if
you yell again like that...

I won't. Shut up. I'm
ready. Now I'm ready.

Oh, my God. I don't
know what I'm looking at.

-Can they see me?
-I don't think so.

I think they just
sense that you're there.

Are they all right?

They look fucked.

Are they, like, people?

No. They're prophesying spirits.

This is mental.

-And you can ask them questions about the future?
-About anything,

once they reach a certain size.

And they will always
answer with the truth.

-How does that work, then?
-I don't know.

What are you going to ask them?

If Clea's ever
going to come back.

What if they say no?

I'll ask if she loved me.

I just need to know...
if I can move on.

Can I ask 'em summat?

If you'll ever be in Neighbours?

What if they say no?

Well, then, I can stop hoping.

Are you hearing this? I
don't know who the hell she is.

And have you seen
that oil slick out there?

VOICE ECHOES: - And he's the
one who claims to be concerned about

wildlife. There'll be
albatrosses flapping about in that

by the end of next week,
because you know as well I do

he won't be cleaning it up.

♪ I know we're older
now ♪ And lost again

♪ Down at the cul-de-sac
♪ You left, my friend

♪ I put the kettle on

♪ The wise man's
song for you... ♪