All language subtitles for Small Prophets - 01x02 - Elish.orig.Addic7ed.com

Er, excuse me, do you sell buckets?

Buckets? No.

Really?

No call for them. Old-fashioned.

So how do people, you know, like,
carry water and stuff?

Well, everything's plumbed-in
these days.

You know, it's piped to wherever it
needs to be

so there's no need for anyone
to carry any by hand.

What colour bucket?

Well, doesn't really matter.
Any colour.

No, sorry, I can't help you.

A hosepipe, that's the closest
we do. Garden section.

OK.

Excuse me?

Is that right that you
don't sell buckets any more?

I'm sorry?

Your colleague just told me that
you don't sell buckets any more

because they're old-fashioned.

Do you mean those things
that people used to carry water in?

Yeah.

Oh...

We haven't stocked buckets
in a while, mate.

Tell you what, you might want to try
the Vintage and Antiques Emporium.

Enjoy big savings on
solvents this summer at Tool Box.

White spirits,
meths and turpentine...

Did you see Celebrity
Barrel Scrapers last night?

Did I see what?

Celebrity Barrel Scrapers.

It's like... You know
Barrel Scrapers, the show?

Well, it's like that
but the celebrity version.

I haven't got a telly.
Are you serious,

there's a programme called
Celebrity Barrel Scrapers?

Yeah. Didn't recognise any of
the celebrities in it, though.

Apart from that bald bloke from,
er, what's-it-called...

It's funny, though.

What do they do, the celebrities?

Just, you know, scrape
the barrels out, get 'em clean.

Gets really messy. It's dead good.

Hang on, you don't have a TV?

No.

Prick.

Everyone's going to the pub
next Friday after work.

It's someone's birthday.
You coming?

Whose birthday?

Bloke who cuts the MDF.

- Andre.
- Mm-hm.

Maybe. I'll see.

A big tall guy, about six foot.
A big white bea..

Him! Him, there,
with the white beard!

- Him!
- OK, thank you. I'll, um...

Here we go.

Did you tell that customer we don't
sell buckets?

No.

He said you told him
we don't sell buckets,

that there's no call for them.

- Oh, BUCKETS?
- Is that what he was after?

I couldn't understand
what he was saying.

What time do you go to bed?

None of your business, Gordon.

It is my business if my staff are
falling asleep on their feet

and they can't hear
the customers properly.

You don't lose your hearing
when you're tired. Oh...

Hello, Hilary? Is everything OK?

- OK, I'll be right there.
- No...

No, it's fine. I'm not busy.

No, honestly, it's not a problem.

Yes.

OK, I'm on my way.

I've got to go.
Me dad's lost something.

Lost something?

Have you been on your break?

Oh, hello, love. Sorry.

No, it's all right. What's happened?

I would've waited till you came
in later, but he was upset

- and threatening to call the police.
- Really?

Tina found this on his bed
when he was at breakfast

and brought it to me.

He noticed it
was missing and kicked off.

Bloody 'ell!

Right, um...

Well, I'll... I'll see if I can get
to the bottom of it.

Thanks, Hilary. Sorry.

_

- Hello, Dad.
- Oh, I'm glad you're here.

There's a thief in this place
and I've had enough!

It's outrageous.
I'm writing a letter.

All right, Dad, calm down.
No-one's stole it.

I've got it here. They didn't
know what it was.

It says quite clearly on the tin
what it is - poison.

Well, exactly. They were worried.

I'm not a child.

Why have you got a tin of poison?
What is going on?

Give it here.

Right.

One, two, three, four, five, six.

Oh, they're all there.
Thank God for that.

I couldn't replicate these.
Once they're gone, they're gone.

Seriously, Dad, why have you got
six phials of poison?

This is the antidote that dissolves
the homunculi,

only to be used in case
of emergency.

It was given to me, I don't know
what's in it,

and I couldn't make it again.

Did you find the diaries?

- Mike?
- Eh?

Did you find the instructions?

- Yes.
- Excellent. So have you got it set up?

No, Dad. I haven't had time.

Well, the sooner you start the
chanting, the sooner you'll be able

to get results and the sooner
you'll be able to ask about Clea.

You have to chant to the bottles.

It's all there in the instructions.

Wh-what... what's wrong?

This was in the journal.

There they are!

Oh, my God.
I'd forgotten I took this.

Dad, I'm so confused.

I thought that this was just
a bedtime story.

I didn't think it might
actually be real.

Trust me. You want to know
where Clea is?

When she's coming home?

They can answer any question,

and they're compelled
to answer truthfully.

OK. Just remind me
what they actually are.

Homunculi. Prophesying spirits.

Right. I looked up "homunculus" in
the dictionary, and it said,

"A very small, humanoid creature."

- That's it, yeah.
- "That's it"?!

So, what, a human? An animal?

Is this legal?

Well, it's not ILLEGAL.

That doesn't exactly put my mind
at rest, Dad!

Trust me.

Yes, yes. All right.

Before I forget, will you post
some letters for me?

More competitions?

Yeah. This one's foot spa,

this one's dog grooming classes,

and this one's a Lamborghini.

Fingers crossed.

Oh, and this one, er,
you'll need a stamp.

You'll have to go to
the Post Office.

It's going to Vancouver,
to my old school friend Vic.

Oh, righto. How is Vic these days?

Much the same. Not much
to say for himself, but, er...

- ..he always asks after you.
- After me? Does he?

Yeah, yeah, very interested in
what you're up to.

Did I ever meet him?

Um... Maybe once,
when you were little.

Right. Well, next time...

..tell him I said hello.

- Hello, Olive.
- Hello, Michael.

What you got there? Jars?

- Yep, jars.
- Big, aren't they?

Yep, big jars.
What are you sprinkling today?

- Ant powder.
- Oh, yeah?

Little bastards coming indoors
and eating all the cake.

Wankers.

Got to get them early,
otherwise they start bloody flying.

You know that? They sprout wings
and start bloody flying

all over the place on 4th of July,
Independence Day.

So, I'm putting the powder down.

- Yeah, that'll learn 'em.
- Mm!

- See you later, Olive.
- Cheerio.

OK, Dad. I'm doing this, am I?

Can you put those in a bag for me?
Thank you.

Please leave a message.

Hello, um, this is, er, Michael.
Michael Sleep.

I'm just leaving a message.

I won't be coming in today,
I'm afraid.

I've got a bit of a runny bottom.

- Morning, Michael.
- Morning.

Er, morning.

Are you just getting rid of
some stuff?

Er, just moving it.

Oh, to out the front here?

That's right. It's only temporary.

I was going to say,

I'm sorry you didn't get a chance
to take your hedge back.

Don't be sorry.
It's lucky, actually.

I spotted a pair of chaffinches

nesting in the ivy,

so I'm glad that we didn't
disturb them.

- Chaffinches?
- Chaffinches!

That reminds me, your security light
at the front,

it's flashing on and off,
on and off, all night.

Is it?

There must be a branch or a twig
or something waving across it.

You probably don't notice it
if your bedroom's at the back.

- I'll take a look.
- Yes, it's on and off, on and off.

All night - on and off, on and off.
It's, like, every few minutes.

It's light pollution.

It's disturbing
the little chaffinches.

Light pollution... OK.

Just off to the DIY store.
Do you need anything?

- No. Thanks.
- Are you sure? I get a...

- Nope.
- I get a staff discount.

- No, thanks.
- All right.

All right, skiver?!

I thought you had the shits!

Sh!

Don't let him know I'm here!

Do you know, I'm having to do twice
as much work cos of you.

Well, you usually do fuck all, so
twice fuck all is still fuck all.

Mm.

Why are you here?

I need you to get some stuff for me.

Jesus.

All right, let me finish me cig.

- And remember to get the staff discount.
- OK.

You building a bomb?

No!

Crystal meth?

What?

Well, what's all this for?

- I'm cleaning me fish tank.
- What fish have you got?

- Pilchards.
- You're lying.

It's for a project. I'll tell you
about it another time.

- Did he see you? Gordon?
- No.

Kacey, I just wanted to say,
you've still got me credit card.

You're welcome!

♪ I've got something
I keep to myself

♪ I've got something
I keep to myself

♪ I've got something
I keep to myself

♪ And I'm not gonna
tell you what it is

♪ Not gonna tell you what it is.- ♪

Before the jars are sealed,

in each must be placed
a mineral seed item

from which the homunculus
will grow.

The seeds must be carefully selected

and be specific to
the creature's station.

For the Knight, a brass key.

For the Monk, the nib of a pen.

For the Peasant,
a plain, undecorated button.

For the Seraph,
a crystal of amethyst.

For the Queen, a gold ring.

And for the King, a silver coin,
as old as you can find.

Why does he have to behave
like this?

It's like every little thing
he does is designed to wind me up.

I mean, what the hell's his problem?

Bev?

Huh?

I'm saying, "What's his problem?"

Who?

Gandalf the friggin' Grey!
Who do you think?!

It sounds like you're the one
with the problem.

Why can't you just ignore him?

How can I, with that
racket going on?

Why can't he just be normal?

What're you doing?

- I put a mirror down there.
- Oh, and that's normal, is it?

Can you believe he's had the nerve

to complain about our
security light?

Light pollution he's accused me of.

I mean, his place is crawling
with vermin.

The amount of insects in his garden
is disgusting.

Spiders, wasps...

..bees.

And the effing sparrows chirping
all day long in the bushes.

Oh, it drives me insane.

Sacris solemniis iuncta sint gaudia,

et ex praecordiis sonent...

Great. He's praying.

That's all we need -
a religious fanatic.

Bev!

What?!

What're you listening to?

- A podcast.
- About what?

Sex trafficking.

Et ex praecordiis

sonent praeconia,

resedant... Rekedant?

Recedant vetera... vetera...

Sacris solemniis!
Iuncta sint gaudia!

Et ex praeconis...

..sonent...

Sacris solemniis

iuncta praecordia...

..et ex praeconiis...

Hello?

- Are you coming to the pub?
- Who is this?

Kacey! Are you coming to the pub?

- What time is it?
- I dunno.

Look, we're at the Open As Usual.
You said you'd come.

Why do you want me to come to
the pub so much?

I'm not asking you out on a date!
I'm just saying we're at the pub.

Fuck's sake, I'm just
being friendly.

All right, I'm sorry.

- Which pub?
- Open As Usual.

- All right?
- Yeah.

You all right?

You made it.

You must be made up.

Yeah, I might start weeping.

Oh-ho! Oh, here he is,
Weirdy Beardy!

Hey, someone get this man a drink!

- Michael! Are you a train spotter?
- No.

Are you a virgin?

What are you talking about?

How old are you, 50?

50-year-old virgin!

Oh, shut up, Brigham.
How old are you, five?

I love this freak!

My mate used to work at a restaurant
when you worked there.

Some burger place.

Oh, yeah, Burgers Burgers Burgers
on the high street.

Yeah. Said he stripped off in front
of all the customers!

Only to me vest and pants.

"Only to me vest and pants!"

What for?

I was resigning and
they wanted the uniform back.

My mate said, right, he swipes
a banoffee pie off the counter,

comes out front, strips off,
flips the manager the bird,

and then walks out in his boxers.

- Is that true?
- Nearly. It was a sticky toffee pudding.

And I had to come back
because me clothes and keys

were in the staffroom.

Oh, no, no, I'm only having the one.
I've got the car.

Leave it here, get the bus!
Where do you live?

Marvin Gardens, just off
the Wilmslow Road.

Oh, my God, yeah, I know it.

Listen, it's a 20 minute walk
from here. You're fine.

Do you know Danielle?

She used to live on the corner of
Marvin Gardens. I was mates with her

at school. I ain't spoken to her
in years, though.

She went off to catering college.

Oh, my God, there used to be this
house on Marvin Gardens, right,

that was just, like, full of junk

and, like, the garden was
an absolute jungle.

And, I mean, this bloke lived
there, but nobody saw him.

Well, Danielle saw him a few times,
but, anyways...

..he murdered his wife.

Yeah, everyone knew. I mean, the
police dug up his garden

and everything,
but they never found owt.

They reckon he dissolved her
in battery acid

and flushed her down the loo,
so he got away with it.

How long have you lived there?

Oh, my God, that's your house!

Did you murder your wife?

I was never married.

But, no, I've never murdered anyone,

let alone flushed somebody
down the toilet.

Come to think of it, everything
Danielle said was absolute bullshit.

Michael? Michael!

Do you like Star Trek?

So... were you really
an underwater welder?

- What's that?
- Were you really an underwater welder?

Oh, no, I made that up.

Do you know, I knew it,
you bullshitter!

I went down a two-hour
underwater-welding rabbit-hole

last night! I mean, I watched
videos on YouTube!

I know everything about it.

So how does that work, then?
The fire underwater thing?

I'm not telling ya.

Your mate's story,
it wasn't all bullshit, though.

The police did dig up my garden.

Did me a favour, actually.
Had to clear up afterwards

and left it in a better state
than it was before!

Well, what were they
looking for, then?

Me girlfriend.

She left one day and
she never came back.

Everyone thought I'd killed her
for a while.

I didn't kill her.

I love her.

Michael! Do you collect stamps?

Why do you find me so weird,
Brigham? I don't get it.

Just don't worry about him.

No, I don't understand.
Is it simply because I have a beard?

Or because I don't go on
the paintballing trips?

Cos that ain't that bloody weird,
is it?

Jason wears gold boots

with wings on, but here you all are

ripping into me!

Oh, careful, watch out,
or he'll strip down,

but only to his vest and pants!

You don't know anything about me.

If you knew what I'm actually
growing in my shed...

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Stop right there,
thank you very much.

What are you actually growing
in your shed?

- What you don't know...
- Yeah?

..is that I am actually
growing homunc...

..homunculi.

- I beg your pardon?
- Homunculi!

They are prophesying spirits

that can predict the future,

and I am growing them in jars
in my shed.

So when I'm winning billions
on the lottery,

you won't be laughing then,
will ya, eh?

What the fuck are you on about?!

Homunculi!

All right!

Let's get you home, yeah?

Are you all right?

I'm fine.

So...

..what are you growing in jars
in your shed?

Homunculi.

- And what's a homunculi?
- No.

No. "Homunculi" is plural.

"Homunculus" is singular.

And they are creatures.
They're like little people.

They're like little people in jars.

Like sea monkeys?

They're a little bit like
sea monkeys

but they can predict the fuchsia...

Fuchsia!

I had sea monkeys once.

They were really disappointing.

Like, the advert said that they were
so eager to please,

but my ones, they couldn't give
an apparent fuck.

They're not sea monkeys,
they're homunculi.

Can I come and see 'em?

No. Nobody can see them
at the moment

because they are invisible to
the human naked eye. So, no.

OK.

You don't have to walk me home.
I'm fine.

Hey, I'm not walking you home.
I live this way.

Fine.

Fine!

This is me.

All right, yeah, cool. I'm just...

♪ I know we're older now

♪ And lost again

♪ Down at the cul-de-sac

♪ You left, my friend

♪ I put the kettle on

♪ The wise man sung for you. ♪

_