Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,685 --> 00:00:04,787
♪ It seems today
that all you see ♪
2
00:00:04,854 --> 00:00:08,307
♪ Is violence in movies
and sex on TV ♪
3
00:00:08,391 --> 00:00:11,660
♪ But where are those
good old-fashioned values ♪
4
00:00:11,728 --> 00:00:14,963
♪ On which we used to rely? ♪
5
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:18,183
♪ Lucky there's a family guy ♪
6
00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:21,620
♪ Lucky there's a man
who positively can do ♪
7
00:00:21,688 --> 00:00:23,155
♪ All the things that make us ♪
8
00:00:23,239 --> 00:00:25,074
♪ Laugh and cry ♪
9
00:00:25,141 --> 00:00:29,928
♪ He's... a...
Fam... ily... Guy! ♪
10
00:00:29,953 --> 00:00:33,953
♪ Family Guy 10x21 ♪
Tea Peter
Original Air Date on May 7, 2012
11
00:00:33,978 --> 00:00:37,978
== sync, corrected by elderman ==
12
00:00:38,254 --> 00:00:41,657
Wow, congratulations on your
grand re-opening, Mort.
13
00:00:41,725 --> 00:00:43,642
Looks like your customers
are comin' back.
14
00:00:43,710 --> 00:00:46,795
Thanks, Lois. It's good
to be up and gouging again.
15
00:00:46,846 --> 00:00:48,714
Oh, careful.
Watch out there, Brian.
16
00:00:48,798 --> 00:00:49,982
Looks like the floor is wet.
17
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:51,684
Excuse me.
I'm kind of in a hurry
18
00:00:51,751 --> 00:00:53,652
(screams)
Son of a bitch!
19
00:00:53,720 --> 00:00:55,254
Oh, my God!
Are you okay?
20
00:00:55,321 --> 00:00:57,773
I'm sorry. I've been
a little distracted lately.
21
00:00:57,841 --> 00:00:59,675
I think my wife has
been crossing the street
22
00:00:59,743 --> 00:01:00,876
with another man.
23
00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:04,146
God, I hope Alan
doesn't find out.
24
00:01:04,197 --> 00:01:05,748
Hey, forget that klutz.
25
00:01:08,001 --> 00:01:11,153
Hmm, maybe this one.
26
00:01:11,221 --> 00:01:13,489
Hey. Lookin' at you
pretty normal, huh?
27
00:01:13,556 --> 00:01:15,190
No!
28
00:01:15,258 --> 00:01:16,275
Aw, fudge.
29
00:01:16,342 --> 00:01:17,509
Wait, I know!
30
00:01:20,413 --> 00:01:21,647
I'll figure this out.
31
00:01:21,715 --> 00:01:23,515
Th-the pieces are all there.
32
00:01:23,583 --> 00:01:24,850
I-I'll go home
and figure this out.
33
00:01:26,903 --> 00:01:29,004
Aw, cool. Hey Mort,
what's this thing?
34
00:01:29,072 --> 00:01:31,607
Oh, that? That's my
"Come In! We're Open" sign.
35
00:01:31,674 --> 00:01:32,925
What's that,
like an iPad?
36
00:01:32,992 --> 00:01:34,410
No, it's a sign.
37
00:01:34,477 --> 00:01:35,894
Wish I had one of those.
38
00:01:35,962 --> 00:01:37,346
I've got a whole box
of them.
39
00:01:37,414 --> 00:01:39,148
Take it. It's yours.
No charge.
40
00:01:39,215 --> 00:01:41,350
Ugh, typical Jew.
41
00:01:45,321 --> 00:01:46,688
TV ANNOUNCER:
Coming this fall
42
00:01:46,756 --> 00:01:48,357
from the producers
of Gone BabyGone,
43
00:01:48,425 --> 00:01:50,325
comes the riveting sequel:
44
00:01:50,393 --> 00:01:52,995
Gone Severely DisabledBaby Gone.
45
00:01:53,062 --> 00:01:55,697
I promise you we are going
to find your daughter.
46
00:01:55,765 --> 00:01:58,000
Okay, but, you know,
do-do what you can,
47
00:01:58,067 --> 00:01:59,868
but seriously, don't,
like, kill yourself.
48
00:01:59,936 --> 00:02:02,571
Oh, and if you do find her,
honk this horn a couple times.
49
00:02:02,639 --> 00:02:04,807
It's the only way to get her
to stop biting you.
50
00:02:04,874 --> 00:02:06,475
But again, no rush.
51
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,877
(knocking)
52
00:02:10,447 --> 00:02:11,930
Peter, what
are you doing?
53
00:02:11,998 --> 00:02:13,649
I'm just putting up
my new sign.
54
00:02:13,716 --> 00:02:15,017
Don't put that thing
on our door.
55
00:02:15,084 --> 00:02:16,168
If you want to hang it
somewhere,
56
00:02:16,236 --> 00:02:17,719
hang it in the basement.
57
00:02:17,787 --> 00:02:19,988
Oh, why? So you can hog it
while you're doing laundry?
58
00:02:20,056 --> 00:02:21,723
No way.
Peter, we're not a business.
59
00:02:21,791 --> 00:02:23,959
Hey, I saw your sign.
So, you're open?
60
00:02:24,027 --> 00:02:25,427
That's right.
What do you do?
61
00:02:25,495 --> 00:02:26,662
What do you need?
Milk.
62
00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:28,063
We have milk.
63
00:02:34,904 --> 00:02:36,305
Peter, I told you,
I don't like
64
00:02:36,372 --> 00:02:38,574
all these strangers
walking around in our house.
65
00:02:38,625 --> 00:02:41,443
They're not strangers, Lois;
they are our valued customers.
66
00:02:41,494 --> 00:02:43,745
And if we don't show them
we appreciate their loyalty,
67
00:02:43,813 --> 00:02:45,947
they're gonna go someplace else.
For what?!
68
00:02:45,999 --> 00:02:47,216
Not to alarm anyone,
69
00:02:47,283 --> 00:02:48,717
but some guy took me
in the closet
70
00:02:48,785 --> 00:02:49,985
and tried me on.
71
00:02:50,053 --> 00:02:52,521
She's right, Dad.
None of this makes any sense.
72
00:02:52,589 --> 00:02:53,889
Meg, go take your ten.
73
00:02:53,957 --> 00:02:55,624
And you may consider this
a verbal warning.
74
00:02:55,692 --> 00:02:57,392
Peter, I want
these people to leave.
75
00:02:57,460 --> 00:02:58,727
I fit,
by the way.
76
00:02:58,795 --> 00:03:00,262
Lois, I'd love nothing more
77
00:03:00,330 --> 00:03:01,430
than to sit here
and chat with you,
78
00:03:01,498 --> 00:03:03,031
but I have a business to run.
79
00:03:03,099 --> 00:03:04,683
Hi there.
May I help you folks?
80
00:03:04,751 --> 00:03:06,985
Yes, my family and I would like
our portrait painted.
81
00:03:07,053 --> 00:03:08,554
Well, you came
to the right place.
82
00:03:14,260 --> 00:03:15,828
Looking good.
83
00:03:15,895 --> 00:03:17,196
Almost done.
84
00:03:17,263 --> 00:03:19,198
And... there.
85
00:03:19,265 --> 00:03:20,449
Done.
86
00:03:22,435 --> 00:03:24,002
What have you done?!
87
00:03:24,070 --> 00:03:25,804
I painted the truth.
88
00:03:25,872 --> 00:03:27,506
I painted my truth.
89
00:03:31,544 --> 00:03:33,595
Gimme a spin, sweetie.
90
00:03:33,663 --> 00:03:34,880
What do you think, Mom?
91
00:03:34,948 --> 00:03:37,082
Is that the most beautiful
bride you've ever seen?
92
00:03:37,150 --> 00:03:38,183
I love it!
93
00:03:38,251 --> 00:03:39,618
Oh, it's just
so much money.
94
00:03:39,686 --> 00:03:41,336
It's true. It's true.
95
00:03:41,387 --> 00:03:42,454
Take the dress off,
sweetheart.
96
00:03:42,522 --> 00:03:43,956
Your mother says
you can't have it.
97
00:03:44,023 --> 00:03:45,224
W-wait, wait,
wait a minute.
98
00:03:45,291 --> 00:03:46,475
Do you really love it?
99
00:03:46,543 --> 00:03:49,027
I do. It just feels
like my wedding dress.
100
00:03:49,112 --> 00:03:51,463
Oh, Mom, she loves it.
101
00:03:51,531 --> 00:03:52,998
Okay.
We'll take it.
102
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:56,201
Peter, what is that girl doing
in my wedding dress?!
103
00:03:56,286 --> 00:03:58,186
PETER: She gone?
No.
104
00:03:58,254 --> 00:03:59,388
Okay, well, while
I'm down here
105
00:03:59,455 --> 00:04:00,956
let me give you my card.
106
00:04:01,024 --> 00:04:02,491
There you go.
107
00:04:05,795 --> 00:04:08,931
Here you go. A half pound of
honey maple turkey, sliced thin.
108
00:04:08,998 --> 00:04:10,599
I wanted a
duplicate key made.
109
00:04:10,667 --> 00:04:12,033
You have a good one.
110
00:04:12,085 --> 00:04:13,318
Oh, hey, Joe.
What's going on?
111
00:04:13,386 --> 00:04:16,121
Peter, I'm afraid
I'm here to shut you down.
112
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:17,956
You're running an
unlicensed business,
113
00:04:18,024 --> 00:04:19,291
and that's against the law.
114
00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:20,893
Aw, that is such bullcrap.
115
00:04:20,960 --> 00:04:22,644
Well, you can't fight
City Hall.
116
00:04:22,712 --> 00:04:24,479
Oh, we'll see about that!
117
00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:28,784
City Hall knows karate.
118
00:04:28,851 --> 00:04:31,353
I'm sorry, Peter, but the
government makes the rules.
119
00:04:31,421 --> 00:04:32,487
I just enforce them.
120
00:04:32,555 --> 00:04:33,755
I don't believe this, Joe.
121
00:04:33,823 --> 00:04:34,890
This is like
living in Russia.
122
00:04:34,958 --> 00:04:36,224
I might as well
just move there.
123
00:04:36,292 --> 00:04:37,626
You don't want to do that.
124
00:04:37,694 --> 00:04:39,595
It's dark; it's cold;
and hooking up
125
00:04:39,662 --> 00:04:42,064
is just a crapshoot
'cause of all the big coats.
126
00:04:42,131 --> 00:04:44,433
All right, drop
the coats on three.
127
00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:46,401
One... two...
128
00:04:46,469 --> 00:04:47,469
three!
129
00:04:47,537 --> 00:04:48,770
Yeah!
Oh...
130
00:04:52,742 --> 00:04:54,810
Hey, you ever
accidentally masturbate
131
00:04:54,877 --> 00:04:56,511
to young pictures
of your mom?
132
00:04:56,579 --> 00:04:58,614
Who the (bleep) starts
a conversation like that?
133
00:04:58,681 --> 00:05:00,182
I just sat down.
134
00:05:00,249 --> 00:05:01,617
Geez, what's
your problem, Peter?
135
00:05:01,684 --> 00:05:03,085
I'm sorry, Quagmire.
136
00:05:03,152 --> 00:05:05,087
I'm still just upset
about the damn government
137
00:05:05,154 --> 00:05:06,588
sticking its nose
in my business.
138
00:05:06,656 --> 00:05:07,823
I hear ya.
139
00:05:07,890 --> 00:05:10,359
Wasting our tax dollars
on ridiculous causes.
140
00:05:10,426 --> 00:05:11,944
We gotta protect
bald eagles?
141
00:05:12,011 --> 00:05:13,979
Bald eagles should be allowed
to make their own decisions!
142
00:05:16,149 --> 00:05:18,617
Honey, I don't care
that you're bald.
143
00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:20,218
I find you
just as attractive.
144
00:05:20,286 --> 00:05:21,603
It's not about you.
145
00:05:21,671 --> 00:05:24,840
It's about my confidence
as an eagle architect.
146
00:05:24,907 --> 00:05:26,274
ANNOUNCER:
Just for Eagles will give you
147
00:05:26,342 --> 00:05:28,443
thicker, fuller,more natural hair...
148
00:05:28,494 --> 00:05:30,963
so you can just focuson eagle stuff.
149
00:05:31,030 --> 00:05:33,231
You're an
excellent architect.
150
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:36,501
Freakin' government.
151
00:05:36,569 --> 00:05:38,070
Giving all the
good hoses to firemen.
152
00:05:38,137 --> 00:05:39,438
I want them hoses.
153
00:05:39,505 --> 00:05:40,872
ANCHORMAN:
Good evening, I'm Tom Tucker.
154
00:05:40,940 --> 00:05:42,240
And I'm Joyce Kinney.
155
00:05:42,308 --> 00:05:43,809
Coming up: Autism:
156
00:05:43,876 --> 00:05:45,711
Is it real
or just another excuse
157
00:05:45,778 --> 00:05:47,779
for kids these days
to forget their manners?
158
00:05:47,847 --> 00:05:49,815
But first, thousands
are expected
159
00:05:49,882 --> 00:05:51,283
for tomorrow's
Tea Party rally
160
00:05:51,351 --> 00:05:53,251
celebrating their new
Quahog headquarters.
161
00:05:53,319 --> 00:05:54,486
That's right, Joyce.
162
00:05:54,554 --> 00:05:56,321
The Tea Party has gained
a sizable following
163
00:05:56,389 --> 00:05:58,156
based on their message
of low taxes,
164
00:05:58,224 --> 00:06:00,392
limited government,
and happy birthday, Tom...
165
00:06:00,460 --> 00:06:03,028
Oh, my God, you guys!
166
00:06:03,096 --> 00:06:04,396
Tea Party, huh?
167
00:06:04,464 --> 00:06:06,598
Well, I'd like to be
part of a movement,
168
00:06:06,666 --> 00:06:09,067
but what movement would want
an angry fat guy
169
00:06:09,135 --> 00:06:10,969
with a lot of opinions
who hates listening?
170
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:13,071
For more details
on the Tea Party platform,
171
00:06:13,139 --> 00:06:16,008
we now go to this
totally boss fireworks show.
172
00:06:16,092 --> 00:06:19,928
♪ ♪
173
00:06:23,649 --> 00:06:25,283
Oh, my God! That's everything
I believe in!
174
00:06:25,351 --> 00:06:27,759
Why are they trying
to take that away from us?
175
00:06:27,784 --> 00:06:28,320
I hear ya.
176
00:06:28,321 --> 00:06:29,471
Well, that's it.
177
00:06:29,539 --> 00:06:31,239
I am going down
to that rally tomorrow
178
00:06:31,307 --> 00:06:32,808
and I am joining
the Tea Party!
179
00:06:32,875 --> 00:06:35,477
Oh, wait, that's the same time
as my men's knitting club,
180
00:06:35,545 --> 00:06:37,546
although they have been
really critical lately.
181
00:06:40,283 --> 00:06:42,384
You're still not knitting
honestly, Peter.
182
00:06:42,452 --> 00:06:44,219
You're knitting like
you want us to like you.
183
00:06:44,287 --> 00:06:45,687
It's not coming from inside.
184
00:06:45,755 --> 00:06:47,389
It's very superficial.
185
00:06:47,457 --> 00:06:49,658
Thank you!
You've made my decision easier!
186
00:06:49,726 --> 00:06:51,426
Yes! That! Knit that!
187
00:06:58,346 --> 00:07:00,347
Good Tea Party morning,
everyone!
188
00:07:00,414 --> 00:07:01,848
Peter, you joined
the Tea Party?!
189
00:07:01,916 --> 00:07:03,049
That's right, Brian.
190
00:07:03,117 --> 00:07:04,484
I finally got something
better to do
191
00:07:04,552 --> 00:07:06,119
with my Saturdays
than sit at the mall
192
00:07:06,187 --> 00:07:09,089
and watch Japanese girls
laugh at normal conversation.
193
00:07:09,156 --> 00:07:11,291
So, I drove to work
this morning...
194
00:07:11,359 --> 00:07:13,026
(all giggling)
195
00:07:13,094 --> 00:07:14,494
And I had to stop
for coffee.
196
00:07:14,562 --> 00:07:16,262
(all giggling)
197
00:07:16,330 --> 00:07:18,398
So, there's a Starbucks
near my house.
198
00:07:18,466 --> 00:07:21,768
(all laughing)
199
00:07:21,836 --> 00:07:23,436
You people
are a circus.
200
00:07:23,504 --> 00:07:25,488
Finally, I'm part of
a movement of regular people
201
00:07:25,556 --> 00:07:27,323
trying to take back
our government.
202
00:07:27,391 --> 00:07:28,625
Look, the Tea Party isn't
203
00:07:28,693 --> 00:07:30,460
the grassroots movement
you think it is.
204
00:07:30,528 --> 00:07:31,928
It's actually funded
by Big Business types
205
00:07:31,996 --> 00:07:34,431
who are using you to get
the government out of their way
206
00:07:34,498 --> 00:07:35,965
so they can roll over
everyone.
207
00:07:36,033 --> 00:07:38,635
Mom held hands with a woman
at the gas station this morning.
208
00:07:38,703 --> 00:07:41,404
Don't know what that means.
Just reporting it.
209
00:07:41,472 --> 00:07:42,906
All I'm saying is
you're being used
210
00:07:42,973 --> 00:07:44,307
and you're too clueless
to know it.
211
00:07:44,392 --> 00:07:46,893
Boy, you just think
you're so superior, don't you?
212
00:07:46,961 --> 00:07:49,429
Like that first creature
to walk on dry land.
213
00:07:50,815 --> 00:07:52,282
Hey, where'd you go?
214
00:07:52,349 --> 00:07:54,234
Ah, I went for a jog.
What's a jog?
215
00:07:54,301 --> 00:07:56,820
It's a great way to stay
in shape is what it is.
216
00:07:56,904 --> 00:07:58,321
Is it like a swim?
217
00:07:58,406 --> 00:07:59,806
(laughing condescendingly)
218
00:07:59,874 --> 00:08:01,941
No, no, it's, it's
nothing like a swim.
219
00:08:05,413 --> 00:08:07,597
Wow, a lot of people here today.
220
00:08:07,665 --> 00:08:09,866
Yeah. Man,
I love street fairs.
221
00:08:09,934 --> 00:08:11,201
They got rides, games,
222
00:08:11,285 --> 00:08:14,053
and ethnic food cooked horribly
by white Americans.
223
00:08:14,121 --> 00:08:16,306
Tack-os!
Hot tack-os here!
224
00:08:16,373 --> 00:08:17,924
Oh, are those tack-os?
225
00:08:17,992 --> 00:08:19,859
You better believe
they're tack-os.
226
00:08:19,927 --> 00:08:21,494
I love tack-os!
227
00:08:21,562 --> 00:08:23,196
Especially on a
corn tor-tilla.
228
00:08:23,264 --> 00:08:27,066
Oh! I love tack-os
on a corn tor-tilla!
229
00:08:29,570 --> 00:08:31,571
Boy, they're really
against socialism.
230
00:08:31,639 --> 00:08:34,207
That's right. The Tea Party
is all about self-reliance.
231
00:08:34,275 --> 00:08:35,992
Look, there's even
a Tunnel of Self-Love.
232
00:08:44,485 --> 00:08:47,086
Would you like to buy a photo
of yourself on the ride, sir?
233
00:08:47,154 --> 00:08:48,188
No, I would not.
234
00:08:48,255 --> 00:08:49,656
Welcome, everyone!
235
00:08:49,723 --> 00:08:52,692
It's great to see
so many regular people out here.
236
00:08:52,760 --> 00:08:54,794
Folks who are tired
of big government
237
00:08:54,862 --> 00:08:56,729
and are ready to stand up
for their rights.
238
00:08:56,797 --> 00:08:58,631
Yeah!
Down with the Spend-o-crats!
239
00:08:58,699 --> 00:08:59,699
PETER:
We are Marshall!
240
00:08:59,767 --> 00:09:01,668
And now, it's my privilege
241
00:09:01,735 --> 00:09:04,771
to introduce another regular,
blue-collar guy,
242
00:09:04,839 --> 00:09:08,675
our Quahog chapter spokesman:
Joe Workingman!
243
00:09:08,742 --> 00:09:09,993
(cheering and applause)
244
00:09:12,146 --> 00:09:15,398
Good afternoon, friends
and socioeconomic equals!
245
00:09:15,466 --> 00:09:17,634
Is anyone else out there
sick of government crap?
246
00:09:17,701 --> 00:09:19,269
Oh, my God.
247
00:09:19,353 --> 00:09:21,671
It's like he's saying everything
I'm listening to.
248
00:09:21,739 --> 00:09:23,039
That's right.
249
00:09:23,107 --> 00:09:25,175
The government wants to tell you
what foods to eat.
250
00:09:25,242 --> 00:09:26,659
(booing)
251
00:09:26,727 --> 00:09:28,294
And what church
you can go to.
252
00:09:28,362 --> 00:09:29,946
(booing)
253
00:09:30,030 --> 00:09:31,898
And that you can't
own a chimpanzee
254
00:09:31,966 --> 00:09:33,266
because you're not
responsible enough.
255
00:09:33,334 --> 00:09:34,851
(booing)
256
00:09:34,919 --> 00:09:36,085
I would feed it!
257
00:09:36,153 --> 00:09:37,987
Also, the government
wants to tell you
258
00:09:38,055 --> 00:09:39,489
how many children
you can have.
259
00:09:39,557 --> 00:09:41,457
What?! No!
260
00:09:41,525 --> 00:09:42,959
And the government
wants to tell you
261
00:09:43,027 --> 00:09:45,028
you can't throw
your old TVs into the river.
262
00:09:45,095 --> 00:09:47,764
Then how I supposed
to find TV?
263
00:09:47,832 --> 00:09:51,000
If you join the Tea Party,
together, we can fix all that.
264
00:09:51,068 --> 00:09:53,136
But you probably don't wanna
join the Tea Party
265
00:09:53,204 --> 00:09:58,358
because all you get are these
stupid, awesome keychains!
266
00:09:58,425 --> 00:10:01,327
Oh, my God, it's the keychain
from the dream!
267
00:10:04,782 --> 00:10:07,016
I got to say that guy
made a lot of sense.
268
00:10:07,084 --> 00:10:09,252
He sure did. The government's
really gotten outta hand.
269
00:10:09,320 --> 00:10:11,454
Yeah, those bastards
have ruined everything.
270
00:10:11,522 --> 00:10:13,857
The same way the Village People
ruined any gathering
271
00:10:13,924 --> 00:10:16,259
of a cop, an Indian chief,
and a construction worker.
272
00:10:16,327 --> 00:10:19,062
Oh, my God, can we get
a picture with you guys?
273
00:10:19,129 --> 00:10:20,396
We're not those guys.
274
00:10:20,464 --> 00:10:21,831
Yes, please
leave us alone.
275
00:10:21,899 --> 00:10:23,766
We're very busy.
276
00:10:23,834 --> 00:10:25,535
Now, where were we?
Oh, yeah.
277
00:10:25,603 --> 00:10:27,537
We've gotta solve
that security problem
278
00:10:27,605 --> 00:10:29,806
for the Indian Casino
we're constructing.
279
00:10:29,874 --> 00:10:31,207
Hey, you guys want
to head to the Clam?
280
00:10:31,275 --> 00:10:33,192
I'll catch up with you.
I got to hit the john.
281
00:10:38,649 --> 00:10:40,733
Hey, buddy. Is there
a bathroom around here,
282
00:10:40,801 --> 00:10:42,151
or a second floor window?
283
00:10:43,370 --> 00:10:44,571
(gasps)
Carter?!
284
00:10:44,638 --> 00:10:46,089
Oh... hey.
285
00:10:46,156 --> 00:10:47,657
You're involved
with the Tea Party?
286
00:10:47,725 --> 00:10:48,925
Wait a minute.
287
00:10:48,993 --> 00:10:50,560
This is what Brian
was warning me about:
288
00:10:50,628 --> 00:10:52,328
that the Tea Party
is run by rich guys
289
00:10:52,396 --> 00:10:53,696
who are only out for themselves.
290
00:10:53,764 --> 00:10:55,048
Brian?
291
00:10:55,099 --> 00:10:57,200
You mean that arrogant,
unemployed dog of yours?
292
00:10:57,268 --> 00:10:59,269
Peter, he's just one
of those liberal elites
293
00:10:59,336 --> 00:11:01,004
who spreads lies
and hates patriots.
294
00:11:01,071 --> 00:11:02,705
Yeah, he kinda is.
295
00:11:02,773 --> 00:11:05,708
You and I are both businessmen
who work hard and pay taxes.
296
00:11:05,776 --> 00:11:07,810
Except that I make
10,000 times what you make.
297
00:11:07,878 --> 00:11:09,746
Yeah, we're the same,
you and me.
298
00:11:09,813 --> 00:11:11,114
You know, Peter, the truth is,
299
00:11:11,181 --> 00:11:12,949
I could actually use
a regular guy like you
300
00:11:13,017 --> 00:11:14,284
to help get our message out,
301
00:11:14,351 --> 00:11:17,487
and I know
Joe Workingman agrees with me.
302
00:11:17,554 --> 00:11:19,088
Love to have you
on board, Peter.
303
00:11:19,156 --> 00:11:21,941
Wow, thanks, Joe.
You can count on me.
304
00:11:22,009 --> 00:11:23,826
Aw, Carter, you just missed
Joe Workingman.
305
00:11:23,894 --> 00:11:25,061
(laughs)
306
00:11:25,129 --> 00:11:27,163
Oh, I think he'll
know I was here.
307
00:11:27,231 --> 00:11:30,182
(laughing)
308
00:11:30,234 --> 00:11:31,534
(laughing maniacally)
309
00:11:31,602 --> 00:11:34,153
(chuckling nervously)
310
00:11:37,474 --> 00:11:39,275
I'm not sure
what's happening.
311
00:11:41,545 --> 00:11:44,147
Oh, hi, Peter.
How was your rally?
312
00:11:44,214 --> 00:11:45,782
Oh, it was great,
and now I know
313
00:11:45,849 --> 00:11:47,216
it's the right cause
to get behind
314
00:11:47,284 --> 00:11:49,552
'cause a smart guy
like your dad is involved.
315
00:11:49,620 --> 00:11:51,421
What, Carter was
at the Tea Party rally?
316
00:11:51,488 --> 00:11:52,822
Yeah, he was running
the whole thing.
317
00:11:52,890 --> 00:11:54,691
Peter, what did I tell you
about rich guys?
318
00:11:54,758 --> 00:11:56,492
Look, I know what
you're thinking, Brian,
319
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:57,627
but don't worry;
it's all okay.
320
00:11:57,695 --> 00:11:58,995
Turns out
you're the enemy.
321
00:11:59,063 --> 00:12:00,463
They're the ones
who are on our side.
322
00:12:00,531 --> 00:12:02,031
Oh, of course,
Carter Pewterschmidt,
323
00:12:02,099 --> 00:12:04,534
an industrialist with
oil refineries in this city,
324
00:12:04,601 --> 00:12:05,935
is on your side.
325
00:12:06,003 --> 00:12:07,470
He wants to get rid
of environmental regulations
326
00:12:07,538 --> 00:12:08,638
for you.
327
00:12:08,706 --> 00:12:09,973
Brian, he doesn't
get sarcasm.
328
00:12:10,040 --> 00:12:12,075
No, it's not just environmental
regulations, Ban.
329
00:12:12,142 --> 00:12:13,209
Carter wants
to get rid
330
00:12:13,277 --> 00:12:15,345
of the whole city government
of Quahog.
331
00:12:15,412 --> 00:12:18,047
He even put me in charge
of the PR campaign to do it.
332
00:12:18,115 --> 00:12:19,582
Get rid of the government?
333
00:12:19,650 --> 00:12:22,385
Peter, if I know my dad,
he's probably using you.
334
00:12:22,453 --> 00:12:24,120
Lois, I'm so glad
you're done with the dishes
335
00:12:24,188 --> 00:12:25,989
so that you can hang out
and chime in on this.
336
00:12:26,056 --> 00:12:27,991
Actually, Peter, I
haven't done the dishes.
337
00:12:28,058 --> 00:12:29,292
Oh, you haven't?
338
00:12:29,360 --> 00:12:30,693
Well, then,
I'm confused.
339
00:12:30,761 --> 00:12:32,562
Oh, he does get sarcasm.
340
00:12:35,866 --> 00:12:37,033
All right,
now, remember,
341
00:12:37,101 --> 00:12:38,768
the Tea Party is a
grassroots movement.
342
00:12:38,836 --> 00:12:40,837
We're not covered by
the lame-stream media,
343
00:12:40,904 --> 00:12:42,972
so we got to reach out to
the common man individually.
344
00:12:43,040 --> 00:12:46,092
Right, common man.
345
00:12:46,143 --> 00:12:47,677
WOMAN:
Hello.
346
00:12:47,745 --> 00:12:50,763
Ah, geez, it's... it's a girl.
347
00:12:50,814 --> 00:12:52,615
May I speak to the man
of the house?
348
00:12:52,700 --> 00:12:55,835
This is the woman of the house,
and there is no man living here.
349
00:12:55,903 --> 00:12:57,370
No?
350
00:12:57,437 --> 00:13:00,189
W-W-What is... I-I... how are
you paying for this phone?
351
00:13:00,257 --> 00:13:02,058
I'm a lawyer.
352
00:13:02,126 --> 00:13:04,293
Oh, I see, and are you
in your little courthouse
353
00:13:04,361 --> 00:13:05,862
right now
representing Barbie?
354
00:13:05,929 --> 00:13:07,230
(click, dial tone)
355
00:13:07,297 --> 00:13:09,315
Okay, one vote
for the Tea Party.
356
00:13:09,383 --> 00:13:11,117
All right, kiss
government good-bye.
357
00:13:11,185 --> 00:13:13,786
Yeah, I can't wait to fire
all them city employees,
358
00:13:13,854 --> 00:13:16,255
starting with that half-asleep
construction worker.
359
00:13:23,080 --> 00:13:24,330
What the hell?
360
00:13:24,398 --> 00:13:25,865
W-W-Which one is it--
stop or go forward?
361
00:13:25,933 --> 00:13:26,849
This is a big deal.
362
00:13:26,934 --> 00:13:27,834
They're not at all similar.
363
00:13:30,621 --> 00:13:32,038
Ah, no, no, no, no.
364
00:13:32,106 --> 00:13:33,940
You, sir, have lost my business.
365
00:13:36,510 --> 00:13:39,112
("Yankee Doodle Dandy" playing)
366
00:13:58,015 --> 00:14:02,051
(crowd jeering)
367
00:14:02,119 --> 00:14:04,570
People, please,
first things first.
368
00:14:04,638 --> 00:14:07,673
Is there anyone here
for the couch off of Craigslist?
369
00:14:07,741 --> 00:14:08,508
I am.
370
00:14:08,575 --> 00:14:10,409
Oh, good, come on in.
371
00:14:13,981 --> 00:14:16,482
That is the picture
from Craigslist.
372
00:14:16,550 --> 00:14:17,483
No way it is.
373
00:14:17,551 --> 00:14:18,484
It is.
374
00:14:18,552 --> 00:14:21,120
No way it is.
375
00:14:21,188 --> 00:14:23,039
All right, what do
the rest of you want?
376
00:14:23,107 --> 00:14:25,174
We want the city government
shut down.
377
00:14:25,242 --> 00:14:27,193
(cheering)
378
00:14:27,261 --> 00:14:28,611
Oh, I see.
379
00:14:28,679 --> 00:14:31,147
And all of you feel
the same way?
380
00:14:31,215 --> 00:14:32,348
ALL: Yes!
MAN: No!
381
00:14:32,416 --> 00:14:34,117
(gunshot)
ALL: Yes!
382
00:14:34,184 --> 00:14:36,719
Well, I'm nothing
if not a public servant,
383
00:14:36,787 --> 00:14:38,921
and the public has made
its feelings known.
384
00:14:38,989 --> 00:14:43,359
I hereby declare Quahog's
city government disbanded.
385
00:14:43,427 --> 00:14:45,611
(cheering)
386
00:14:45,679 --> 00:14:50,416
It has been my pleasure to serve
you, and now I take my leave.
387
00:14:51,819 --> 00:14:53,719
This column is mine.
388
00:14:53,787 --> 00:14:56,122
I brought it from home.
389
00:15:01,962 --> 00:15:03,463
Good afternoon, I'm Tom Tucker.
390
00:15:03,530 --> 00:15:06,566
Our top story: Quahog is now
completely government-free,
391
00:15:06,633 --> 00:15:09,869
which means I'm free
of all broadcast regulations,
392
00:15:09,937 --> 00:15:12,238
so no more trips to the bathroom
for this reporter,
393
00:15:12,306 --> 00:15:14,640
just a big-ass coffee can
under the desk.
394
00:15:19,813 --> 00:15:21,364
Hello, family.
395
00:15:21,432 --> 00:15:23,333
Peter, what the hell
were you doing out there?
396
00:15:23,400 --> 00:15:25,735
You know, for years I've been
sick of taking the roads home,
397
00:15:25,803 --> 00:15:27,303
so today I took the yards.
398
00:15:27,371 --> 00:15:28,604
Didn't hit one light.
399
00:15:28,672 --> 00:15:30,073
Man, getting rid
of the government has been
400
00:15:30,140 --> 00:15:32,375
the best thing to happen
around here in a long time.
401
00:15:32,443 --> 00:15:33,960
That's right.
402
00:15:34,028 --> 00:15:36,029
Without government I'm free
to take a lot of mescaline
403
00:15:36,096 --> 00:15:38,031
and drive to Vegas.
404
00:15:41,301 --> 00:15:43,986
Wait till you see
Debbie Reynolds on stage.
405
00:15:44,054 --> 00:15:45,772
Yeah, and now
my Spanish teacher and I
406
00:15:45,839 --> 00:15:47,907
can finally hold hands
in the halls.
407
00:15:47,975 --> 00:15:50,526
¿Meg, dónde estála biblioteca?
408
00:15:50,611 --> 00:15:53,346
Because I'm going to bang you
in the biblioteca.
409
00:15:53,414 --> 00:15:55,081
Well, I'm glad you're all
enjoying your freedom,
410
00:15:55,148 --> 00:15:56,949
but have you taken a look
out the window lately?
411
00:15:59,503 --> 00:16:00,603
What is that?
412
00:16:00,671 --> 00:16:02,238
Where's all that
smoke coming from?
413
00:16:02,306 --> 00:16:04,407
The Pewterschmidt Industries
refinery,
414
00:16:04,475 --> 00:16:07,110
and it's not smoke;
it's a giant cloud of pollution.
415
00:16:07,177 --> 00:16:08,661
Oh, my God.
416
00:16:08,712 --> 00:16:11,397
If that gets past the bad
neighborhoods and reaches us,
417
00:16:11,465 --> 00:16:12,998
that's going to be
a big problem.
418
00:16:13,050 --> 00:16:14,000
They can't do that.
419
00:16:14,068 --> 00:16:15,168
We should report them.
420
00:16:15,235 --> 00:16:16,519
To who?
There's no government.
421
00:16:16,587 --> 00:16:19,472
Then it's up to us, the
people, to find a solution.
422
00:16:19,540 --> 00:16:21,424
Close the curtains.
423
00:16:21,492 --> 00:16:22,975
Ah, Tea Party.
424
00:16:23,043 --> 00:16:25,578
Damn it, this is what I was
afraid was going to happen.
425
00:16:25,646 --> 00:16:27,613
This town is going
to go to hell.
426
00:16:27,681 --> 00:16:29,348
I now pronounce you
husband and wife.
427
00:16:29,416 --> 00:16:31,200
You may kiss
the bride.
428
00:16:32,836 --> 00:16:34,704
I'm glad we waited.
429
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:38,207
(bleating)
430
00:16:40,244 --> 00:16:42,295
Giraffity.
431
00:16:42,362 --> 00:16:43,896
Yeah, see,
that's not mine.
432
00:16:43,964 --> 00:16:46,232
Hey, Mort, what gives
with the blond hair?
433
00:16:46,300 --> 00:16:48,067
Yeah, you look
weird like that.
434
00:16:48,135 --> 00:16:50,970
Historically, in instances
of mass lawlessness,
435
00:16:51,038 --> 00:16:54,424
the first thing they do
is round up the Jews.
436
00:16:54,491 --> 00:16:57,210
Excuse me, fellow Aryan,
have you seen any Jews around?
437
00:16:57,277 --> 00:16:58,478
Is there a reward?
438
00:16:58,545 --> 00:17:00,646
Wait a minute.
Are you Jewish?
439
00:17:00,714 --> 00:17:03,816
I mean, uh,
unashamed locker room nudity.
440
00:17:03,884 --> 00:17:05,151
This guy's kosher.
441
00:17:05,219 --> 00:17:06,152
Oops.
442
00:17:06,220 --> 00:17:07,386
Let's get him!
443
00:17:11,458 --> 00:17:12,825
Good afternoon,
I'm Tom Tucker.
444
00:17:12,893 --> 00:17:15,628
It's day five of the new
government-less Quahog,
445
00:17:15,696 --> 00:17:17,530
and I'm wearing
a T-shirt.
446
00:17:17,598 --> 00:17:19,532
Tom, I don't think
the government
447
00:17:19,600 --> 00:17:20,967
was requiring you
to wear a suit.
448
00:17:21,034 --> 00:17:23,469
Well, they were stopping me
from punching you in the face.
449
00:17:23,537 --> 00:17:24,670
Is that what you want?
450
00:17:24,738 --> 00:17:25,905
No, you know what?
You know what?
451
00:17:25,956 --> 00:17:27,123
Give me your wallet.
What?
452
00:17:27,191 --> 00:17:28,925
You heard me,
I said give me your wallet.
453
00:17:30,477 --> 00:17:31,744
This is a crappy wallet.
454
00:17:31,812 --> 00:17:33,913
You have bad stuff.
455
00:17:33,981 --> 00:17:34,964
Oh, what the hell?
456
00:17:35,032 --> 00:17:37,116
Lois, the TV
went off again.
457
00:17:37,184 --> 00:17:38,718
It's the
electricity, Peter.
458
00:17:38,785 --> 00:17:41,420
There are power lines down,
and there's no one to fix 'em.
459
00:17:41,488 --> 00:17:43,489
The cops don't come,
the toilets don't flush,
460
00:17:43,557 --> 00:17:45,958
and there's garbage
piling up in the streets.
461
00:17:46,026 --> 00:17:48,461
Ryan Phillippe's been
out there for days.
462
00:17:48,529 --> 00:17:50,630
Would anyone like
to be impregnated?
463
00:17:50,697 --> 00:17:52,281
We had a nice town, Peter.
464
00:17:52,349 --> 00:17:53,916
I had a nice life,
465
00:17:53,984 --> 00:17:57,870
but you and your antigovernment
buddies ruined it.
466
00:17:57,938 --> 00:17:59,989
Hey, so how's that
Tea Party going, huh?
467
00:18:00,057 --> 00:18:02,358
More like
T.P. Party.
468
00:18:02,426 --> 00:18:04,460
Toilet paper.
469
00:18:04,528 --> 00:18:05,862
I don't know
what happened, Brian.
470
00:18:05,929 --> 00:18:07,897
Not having a government
worked great in Somalia,
471
00:18:07,965 --> 00:18:09,866
but somehow we seem
to have botched it all up.
472
00:18:09,933 --> 00:18:11,601
Looks that way.
473
00:18:11,668 --> 00:18:13,299
Wait a minute. There might be
a way out of this.
474
00:18:13,324 --> 00:18:14,020
What?
475
00:18:14,021 --> 00:18:15,655
We just talk to the guy
who got us into this.
476
00:18:15,722 --> 00:18:16,923
He'll know what to do.
477
00:18:29,753 --> 00:18:32,021
Mr. Pewterschmidt.
Mr. Pewterschmidt.
478
00:18:32,089 --> 00:18:33,356
CARTER (over intercom):
Go away.
479
00:18:33,423 --> 00:18:35,725
But, Mr. Pewterschmidt,
you got to do something.
480
00:18:35,792 --> 00:18:37,693
The potholes ain't
getting fixed no more.
481
00:18:37,761 --> 00:18:39,595
The stoplights ain't working.
482
00:18:39,663 --> 00:18:42,298
Tampon commercials
no longer use blue liquids
483
00:18:42,366 --> 00:18:43,766
in their demonstrations.
484
00:18:43,834 --> 00:18:45,935
(all groan)
485
00:18:46,003 --> 00:18:47,970
Make it blue.
That's always been the deal!
486
00:18:48,038 --> 00:18:50,506
You show whatever you want,
but you make it blue!
487
00:18:50,574 --> 00:18:51,674
Come on.
You got to help us out.
488
00:18:51,742 --> 00:18:52,875
Go to hell.
489
00:18:52,943 --> 00:18:54,343
I don't think he's going
to help, Peter.
490
00:18:54,411 --> 00:18:56,712
But if rich people aren't
looking out for us, who is?
491
00:18:56,780 --> 00:18:58,681
Well, maybe we need
to look out for each other.
492
00:18:58,749 --> 00:19:01,584
Come on, Brian.
It's time to make this right.
493
00:19:01,652 --> 00:19:05,137
Wait, before you go,
take two steps to the left.
494
00:19:05,188 --> 00:19:06,122
Look up.
495
00:19:06,189 --> 00:19:08,374
Okay, smile.
496
00:19:08,442 --> 00:19:09,842
Aw, I suck.
497
00:19:09,893 --> 00:19:11,978
(indistinct shouting)
498
00:19:18,986 --> 00:19:21,938
People of Quahog,
I have something to say.
499
00:19:22,005 --> 00:19:23,539
Now that we've
freed ourselves
500
00:19:23,607 --> 00:19:25,408
from the terrible
shackles of government,
501
00:19:25,475 --> 00:19:27,743
it's time to replace it
with something better.
502
00:19:27,811 --> 00:19:30,413
(all grumbling)
503
00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:32,915
The first thing we need
is a system of rules
504
00:19:32,983 --> 00:19:34,584
that everyone
must live by.
505
00:19:34,668 --> 00:19:36,369
(all grumbling)
506
00:19:36,436 --> 00:19:37,803
Got to have rules.
507
00:19:37,871 --> 00:19:39,739
And since we can't spend
all our time making rules,
508
00:19:39,806 --> 00:19:42,642
I think that we should elect
some people to represent us,
509
00:19:42,709 --> 00:19:45,528
and they should make rules
and choices on our behalf.
510
00:19:45,596 --> 00:19:46,729
(all murmuring in agreement)
511
00:19:46,813 --> 00:19:49,548
That's probably a good idea.
512
00:19:49,616 --> 00:19:52,301
Now, this may be kind of
expensive, so I got a plan:
513
00:19:52,369 --> 00:19:53,769
everyone should have
to give some money
514
00:19:53,837 --> 00:19:55,605
from their salaries
each year.
515
00:19:55,672 --> 00:19:57,473
Poor people will give
a little bit of money
516
00:19:57,541 --> 00:19:59,475
and rich people will give
a larger amount of money,
517
00:19:59,543 --> 00:20:01,911
and our representatives
will use all that money
518
00:20:01,979 --> 00:20:03,913
to hire some people
who will then provide us
519
00:20:03,981 --> 00:20:05,982
with social order
and basic services.
520
00:20:06,049 --> 00:20:07,533
(cheering and applause)
521
00:20:09,953 --> 00:20:13,255
Ugh, there's not one shirt
I wish I had out there.
522
00:20:13,323 --> 00:20:14,757
Now, it won't be perfect.
523
00:20:14,825 --> 00:20:17,509
Some of our representatives
may end up being bastards.
524
00:20:17,561 --> 00:20:19,145
But you know what?
That's okay
525
00:20:19,196 --> 00:20:20,813
'cause later we're going to have
more elections,
526
00:20:20,864 --> 00:20:23,366
and we can use those elections
to get rid of the bad guys
527
00:20:23,450 --> 00:20:24,784
and replace 'em with good guys,
528
00:20:24,851 --> 00:20:26,936
and then the system
will just keep going on and on
529
00:20:27,004 --> 00:20:28,037
just like that.
530
00:20:28,039 --> 00:20:29,271
(cheering and applause)
531
00:20:29,356 --> 00:20:30,389
So who's with me?
532
00:20:30,457 --> 00:20:33,359
(cheering)
533
00:20:33,427 --> 00:20:36,078
Will you join me
in trying this new crazy thing?
534
00:20:36,146 --> 00:20:37,997
(cheering)
535
00:20:40,199 --> 00:20:42,150
Then let's do it.
536
00:20:42,218 --> 00:20:45,136
(cheering)
537
00:20:45,204 --> 00:20:47,365
Yeah, and we did it all
without government.
538
00:20:47,934 --> 00:20:49,184
I'm very proud
of you, Peter.
539
00:20:49,854 --> 00:20:52,188
Oh, Lois, that means
nothing to me.
540
00:20:52,311 --> 00:20:54,812
I only care what they say on
the Internet message boards.
541
00:20:55,254 --> 00:20:59,254
== sync, corrected by elderman ==39887
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Akan
Albanian
Amharic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bemba
Bengali
Bihari
Bosnian
Breton
Cambodian
Catalan
Cebuano
Cherokee
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Faroese
Finnish
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Guarani
Haitian Creole
Hausa
Hawaiian
Hebrew
Hmong
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Kinyarwanda
Kirundi
Kongo
Korean
Krio (Sierra Leone)
Kurdish
Kyrgyz
Laothian
Latin
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luganda
Luo
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mauritian Creole
Moldavian
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Montenegrin
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Persian
Polish
Portuguese (Brazil)
Portuguese (Portugal)
Quechua
Romanian
Romansh
Russian
Samoan
Scots Gaelic
Serbian
Sesotho
Setswana
Seychellois Creole
Shona
Sindhi
Sinhalese
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Tigrinya
Tonga
Turkish
Turkmen
Ukrainian
Uzbek
Vietnamese
Welsh
Wolof