Original subtitles

[soft music]

-[hammering] -[seagulls squawking]

[Martin] Bert? Bert!

Bert! Bert! What?

-What is this? -Your Norwegian flag.

There is not a chance in hell I requested this.

No, it's on the house. Get it? 'Cause it's "on the house."

[laughs] I'm just kiddin'. You'll be charged for it.

No, but everybody's getting one.

Why? Have we been ceded to Norway?

[grunts] No time to explain, doc.

Got a lot of flags to deliver.

Morning, Dr. Best.

[soft music]

[door closing]

Ah, velkommen.

Now I can add Norwegian to the list of accents

that I can do for my Juilliard callback.

Assuming I get the callback, which of course, I will.

What other accents can you do?

Please let's not get her started.

[Italian accent] Oh, the doctor do not

understanda the processa of drama!

-Ah, hey. -[applause]

Really? She's just adding an "A" to the end of words.

[Australian accent] Top of the mornin' to ya!

[British accent] G'day, mate!

Fancy vegemite on toast for brekky?

-Ugh. -How about performing your role

as administrative assistant?

-[gasps] -How about that? Hmm.

[soft music]

Bless his little heart.

I filled his water bowl.

Dogs need to hydrate after a walk.

That's not his water bowl.

That's my cereal bowl.

Whoops, my bad.

I wanted to ask if you'd come

to my Norway presentation at school this afternoon.

My mom has to work and my dad lives in New Hampshire.

Oh, this afternoon, I wish I could,

but I-I don't think so. I'm sorry.

Doc, Louisa just called

and asked if you could come to Legion Hall.

She says it's an emergency.

-Louisa? Uh... -Yes.

-[instrumental music] -Sorry, Peter.

-[door closing] -[whispering]

What's wrong? What's the emergency?

-Oh! -Oh, uh, uh...

It's not a medical emergency. It's a, it's a town emergency.

[sighs]

We are obviously still reeling from the news

that our beloved town elder

and fellow council member, Agnes Cloofe

jumped off a cliff,

but we'd rather not talk about it.

So why are we talking about it?

Because not only are the optics less than ideal,

we've yet to name a replacement for the town council

and the Norwegians come today.

What is up with the Norwegians?

Haven't you heard? We're getting a sister city.

Uh, Geneva and Franklin have been trying

to make this happen for a decade.

Port Wenn, Maine has five sister cities.

-Five. -Yeah, I heard you.

Meanwhile, Port Wenn has been sitting

on the city seeking cities list for years.

And we finally got interest from a small coastal town in Norway.

And the Norwegian delegation is arriving today

to visit and to sign an official sister city agreement.

That's ridiculous.

Why would they fly all the way over here

for something strictly ceremonial?

It's a cultural exchange

and it will be so great for Port Wenn,

pen pals for the students

and a sharing of-of traditions and best practices.

I mean, everyone, everyone is thrilled.

-Yes, everyone. -And although

our, uh, fellow council member, Glendon

was strongly against the idea,

the three of us, we overruled him

and voted that you should take over

Agnes's seat in the town council.

-What? No, no. -Oh, come on.

Come on, it's temporary.

And-and the Port Wenn charter says that

we need an uneven number and we need someone soon

because Glendon is already at the airport

pickin' up the Norwegians, so.

-But why me? -Well... [stuttering]

We need someone impressive and-and accomplished.

And we knew you'd be in a suit.

[instrumental music]

As president of the Port Wenn Town Council.

I'd like to welcome Sigrid and Ludvig Johansen

from... How do you say it? Fah-jords...

-Fjordhavn. -Fjordhavn.

The "J" is like a "Y." So "Y" is there a "J?"

[laughter]

He loves this joke.

Oh, our town is very small, but very beautiful.

Fjordhavn is "the Port Wenn of Norway."

Uh, I hope they're not expecting an uptick in tourism.

-That's looking... -We are thrilled and honored

that the two of you came all this way.

Actually, the three of us.

-Yeah. -Oh, yeah. [laughs]

Should you even be here?

Yeah, I could ask you the same thing.

Uh, I mean, traveling.

Oh, this is our fourth child,

so not my, um, number one horse show.

Oh.

N-not your first rodeo.

Yes! I am so silly! My English is not so good.

And now it's my profound pleasure

to represent Port Wenn in signing

our official sister city agreement with Fjordhavn.

[scribbling]

-[chuckles] -[applause]

-[cheering] -[camera shutter clicking]

-Photo opportunity. -Sheriff Mark, could you take

some pictures for me on my phone?

-Mark? -Yes, welcome. What?

I was asking if you could take some pictures for me?

Yeah, of course. You got it.

-[camera shutter clicking] -Okay, everybody...

On three, one... That's nice.

Here you go, buddy. That's nice.

Please. Now, everyone enjoy kanelboller.

This is traditional Norwegian pastry

from the best bakery in Fjordhavn.

It's the only bakery in Fjordhavn.

But they are delicious, so be sure to try one.

You don't have to tell me twice.

Velkommen. I'm Elaine.

I work with our Dr. Best.

Pleasant to meet you, Elaine.

Dr. Best, it is an honor.

-We have heard much about you. -Yes.

The famous surgeon who heroically stepped in

when Port Wenn lost its doctor.

-You're a legend. -Hmm.

I think that's overstating it a bit.

Yeah, most people here don't like him that much.

[laughter]

-Oh, no. -Ooh. Oh, we'd love to see

-your practice. -Oh, definitely.

It is in your house. Yes?

-Mm-hmm. -Oh, so cute.

Maybe we can gift you a piece of equipment you need.

Oh! An espresso maker would be nice.

No, no, something much more than that

uh, machine for the X-rays or new EKG.

I have all the equipment I need. Thank you.

There are some nicer people over here that I need you...

Let's go do that.

[laughter at distance]

-Aren't they great? -Not really.

They seem over-the-top. Why are they trying so hard?

You know, as a, as a temporary town council member,

maybe you could try harder at being less negative.

[instrumental music]

[crunching]

Hi. Oh, sorry, sorry, sorry.

Uh, is everything okay between us?

I mean, I know we haven't talked since, uh...

Yeah, we're cool. We're all good.

Really? Oh, okay. I'm-I'm glad.

You tried one of the kanelboller breads.

It's my third one, but I'm gonna dip this one in coffee.

-Well... -How good does that sound?

-Am I right? -Maybe you should swallow first.

Yum. You know.

[tense music]

-[screams] -[clattering]

[crowd exclaiming]

-Uh... -Are you okay?

-Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine. -You got him?

Yeah. I'm all right. I'm all right.

-I'm all right. -[clattering]

[panting]

-You okay? -Just tired.

I haven't been sleeping well.

-Mark, have you put on weight? -Yeah, a few pounds.

Why? When was the last time you went to the gym?

Uh, I'm just saying, between the weight gain and the insomnia,

-maybe it's time for a checkup. -Fine.

But you're still not my friend or my councilman.

Stupid sash.

[theme music]

[uplifting music]

-Thank you. -That's right.

-All right. -[seagulls squawking]

So am I seeing you tonight?

You think that I would miss the first ever...

"Lobster roll out the red carpet for the Norwegians" dinner?

-Uh-uh. -[laughs]

So they're staying at the Salty Breeze and, Sarah...

they are gor-jwa! Both of them. Like Nordic gods.

Like, do we serve them dinner,

or do we just lay food at their feet?

[laughs] Well, these lobsters are so fresh,

their families don't even know they're missing yet.

-That's dark. I love it. -[both laugh]

-See you tonight. -Okay.

-[instrumental music] -Drive careful with those bugs.

Yeah, they'll be fine in hot water and garlic butter.

[George laughs]

-[drone buzzing] -[screaming]

Ow! Oh-ho-ho-ho.

-Ow. -[man] You all right?

What?

Who's flying this thing?

Huh? Who did this?

-[door closing] -Doc.

I need to talk to you privately.

That's normally how it works with doctors.

What seems to be the problem?

I, well, uh, I'm not sure how to say this.

It will sound insane.

I assure you I've heard it all before.

Okay, the thing is, I haven't had a bowel movement

-in five days. -You're constipated.

-Well, yes. -It's totally normal.

It's nothing to be embarrassed about.

It's likely due to the lack of dietary fibers,

-fluids, exercise? -No. No.

I know what's causing it.

I'm afraid to go because five days ago I pooped a little man.

Uh, I, uh, I don't understand you.

You pooped on a little man?

No, your stool...

-shaped like a little man? -No.

There was a little man in my poop, and I panicked,

and I flushed him down the toilet.

Okay, just take it easy.

Okay? I think you had a vivid dream.

That's a dream so intense and lifelike

that you wake up and you think it's real.

Your brain even treats it like a memory.

No, it was the middle of the day.

And tonight is our big dinner for the Norwegians.

This isn't a good time for me to be cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.

Greg, are you on any new medication that could

cause you to hallucinate?

It wasn't a hallucination either.

It happened.

I pooped a little man.

[breathing shakily]

Did the little man say anything?

-It wasn't a real man. -Okay, okay.

Well, it doesn't matter what you saw

or think you saw, okay? First and foremost,

we need to take care of this constipation,

-Oh, okay. -[instrumental music]

Okay.

That is a prescription for laxatives

in case the over-the-counters don't work.

Okay. And don't tell anyone about this.

A-again, that's normally how it works with doctors.

[door opening]

[soft music]

♪ And the home of the brave ♪

-[cheering] -[applause]

That's our girl! Yes! [laughs]

Oh! That's our girl.

[Louisa] Thank you, Mallory.

Okay, and lastly, but not leastly,

we have Peter Cronk.

[yawns] Nap time.

Mm. Cut it.

For my project, I whittled white pine

into a miniature replica of a Viking ship because...

[door opening]

[instrumental music]

-Because pinus strobus... -Did you just say "penis"?

-[laughing] -[Peter] more commonly known

as "Eastern white pine" is Maine's state tree.

So this ship represents the blending of our cultures.

Please take this gift as a reminder

that you have a friend across the ocean in Port Wenn.

Oh. So beautiful.

-Takk, takk. -Thank you. Thank you, Peter.

And-and this concludes our presentation for our friends

from Fjord Haven.

-Fjordhavn. Fjordhavn. -Fjo-Fjord Haven,

-Fjordhavn. Fjordhavn. -Fjordhavn.

Thank you, thank you for coming.

-[applause] -Oh!

How can a jewel of a school like this be closing?

-This is a tragedy. -[stammers] I mean, I know.

Don't start. You're gonna make me cry.

Your town, your-your children.

It, it burns my heart.

I am too moved.

Poor Sigrid. She feels too much.

Oh, children.

Don't you see? They care about this town as much as we do.

What, they've been here three hours?

I thought Scandinavian people were supposed to be stoic.

Don't you ever get tired of being like this?

-Like what? -So distrustful?

I don't know. I guess it's just the way I am.

Well, it's never too late to change.

[indistinct chatter]

[soft music]

Is that your dad?

Yeah.

[broken accent] She 'ad a little cut on 'er 'ead,

but don't worry, I cleaned 'er up for ya!

I don't have any idea what she just said to you,

but this thing hit me in the back of my head

Hard enough to break in half?

Oh, no, that happened after I jumped up and down on it,

but it broke my skin.

It's left a, a goose egg the size of Bar Harbor.

You just put cold compress on it. Mm?

Leave it there.

Damn machine. Not gonna take me down.

Oh, by the way, you're going to the Legion Hall tonight

for the Sister City dinner?

Haven't we seen enough of those people?

-Uh... -I'm serious.

I don't like 'em. I don't trust 'em.

Uh, why did they even choose Port Wenn?

Because it's a beautiful place with warm and caring people

save one cynical, misanthropic doctor.

You really think I'm that negative?

You're horrible. Good news is

it's never too late to change or to try.

-So I've heard. -Partners?

There's a new sheriff in town. Truth is, he ain't new.

It is Mark, but he's wanting to talk to Sarah.

-Well, send him in. -I-I'm sorry.

Is he your next patient?

Hi, Sarah. I got your message. Let's get down your statement.

Here's my statement.

Whoever you were that was flying that damn toy,

you're gonna be lobster bait

unless you come to me and apologize

for almost killin' me, you stupid moron.

I meant more like, what time did it happen?

-Oh, it was about noon. -Noon?

Bastards! In broad daylight?

Any idea who was operating this thing?

If I did, they'd be here seeking medical attention.

D-S-E-N.

I think that's just part of the word right at the break...

I'm sorry. Who made you Watson?

-[scoffs] -[clattering]

-And how are you feeling, Mark? -How do you think I'm feeling?

We have visitors in from Norway,

one of the safest countries in the world,

and I can't even protect our citizens from illegal drones.

How does that make me look?

[tense music]

Mark, did you just lose your balance just gesturing?

No, I don't know what happened.

H-have you been feeling dizzy lately?

Yes, that's what happened this morning.

You know what? I have a new theory.

No, not that.

Uh, you might have vertigo.

Uh, i-it would line up with your symptoms.

We should do a quick Romberg test.

I told you.

I haven't had anything to drink.

Yes, but it can also be used to test vertigo.

-Let's go. Feet together. -[Mark] I know how to do it.

[notebook clacks]

[sighs]

Now you're swaying, Mark. So it could be vertigo.

You should stay here for more diagnostics.

And we could do a Dix-Hallpike maneuver

to try to reset the semicircular canals.

The semicircular canals can wait!

It's chaos out there. And I'm the thin blue line.

Not as thin as I used to be.

Thank you so much for reminding me of that.

But right now, more than ever, Port Wenn needs its sheriff.

And I'm the sheriff.

[blowing]

[device beeping]

Okay.

Your blood pressure is normal.

The unexplained weight gain is a little concerning.

It's not unexplained.

I've been super hungry lately.

Increased appetite and you said fatigue?

-Mm-hmm. -You still on antibiotics

for the impalement?

I took the last of them this morning.

Have you been drinking while on them?

'Course not. I know better than that.

Okay, well, everything looks fairly normal,

but with your consolation of symptoms,

I'd still like to rule out hyperthyroidism,

insulin imbalance and anemia.

We'll have Elaine do a blood draw

and I'll call you when we get the lab results back.

But not for any other reason.

Don't call just to shoot the you-know-what.

-'Cause those days are over. -[instrumental music]

-Irritability. -[mumbling] Irritability.

-[knocking on door] -What is it?

-Martin? Hi. -Oh.

Hi. Yeah, please come in.

I'll-I'll just be a minute. Um...

Uh, you see, the thing is,

as a temporary town council member,

you are supposed to go

to the "Lobster Roll Out the Red Carpet" tonight.

Um, and I imagine there's nothing you'd like to do less.

And to make it even more exciting,

Geneva wants us all in sweaters, and, uh, this one is yours.

[instrumental music]

[chuckles]

Yeah, okay, um, I-I'll tell her that

you've just had too much work to do. Okay? [chuckles]

Actually, you know, I've been meaning to tell you, um...

Yes.

The other night when I came to the Salty Breeze

-to talk about the... -Yes, the...

That and-and you said that you wanted.

-Yeah. -Yeah. But...

Right, well, if-if you are still serious about wanting

a child...

Yes?

-I, um... -What?

I-I know a specialist that I, I think you'd wanna talk to.

[chuckles] Oh, um, a-a-a specialist.

-Uh... -Yeah.

Your hemochromatosis and the iron overload

-can affect fertility. -Oh. [chuckles]

And that and coupled with your age, I...

Yeah, uh, what you're saying is I plan this really well.

[both chuckle]

Um, you know, a-a specialist?

Mm, fertility, one of the best. But she's in Boston.

Oh, well, I'm, I'm happy to go to Boston to see

one of the best.

Great. Okay, well, I'll-I'll...

-e-mail her, e-mail you... -Okay.

her contact information.

-Well, thanks. Thanks. -Yeah.

Uh, yeah.

[soft music]

Louisa.

Yes, Martin?

When you and Mark were dating,

did he ever resort to drinking or drugs

when he was feeling stressed or depressed?

Never, you know.

[chuckles] Although honestly,

I can't remember Mark ever being stressed or depressed.

He was always so positive and happy.

It must have been pleasant being with someone

who's so happy all the time.

It was, actually.

-Oh, -Sorry. Doc.

I need to see you right away about the event tonight.

It's going to be great.

[door closing]

The laxative worked. But it happened again.

I pooped another little man.

You've gotta be kidding me.

Is this how it starts? First you lose your keys

and then you have trouble remembering names.

And then you start hallucinating little men in your poop.

[George knocks on door] Greg, I know you're in there.

[knocking] Are you okay?

Yes, of course. Why wouldn't I be?

You went pale and rushed out,

and now you're in a doctor's office

and you won't let me in.

-[door opening] -I followed you.

I'm sorry, baby, but you've been acting very strange.

Is there something you're not telling me?

-I can't say it loud. -Mm-hmm.

You have to tell him.

Whatever it is, we'll get through it together.

[inhales] Tell it to me straight, doc.

Greg thinks he's pooping little men.

What?

It happened twice, and I'm not imagining it.

Is it possible that you ingested, uh,

you know, toy soldier or, uh...?

No, I keep a food journal.

I think I would remember writing "toy soldier."

And they aren't dressed like soldiers.

How many little men have you pooped?

Two. One five days ago and another one today.

I know it sounds crazy, but I can see their faces.

Their little eyes staring up at me and Georgie.

-I feel like I know them. -Wait, wa-wait, wait a minute.

Were these two little men wearing tuxedos?

[comical music]

Greg, that's nasty.

-Oh! -Huh? Greg, how could you?

I didn't. I wouldn't. I, uh...

I forgot we even had that in our freezer.

What was it?

The top tier of our wedding cake.

We were supposed to eat it together

on our first anniversary.

Which we never did

because, well, you forgot about it too.

But I didn't eat it without you including the grooms.

There has to be another explanation.

I have absolutely no memory of any of this.

You could be sleep eating.

Is that really a thing?

It is a thing and it can be dangerous.

Uh, people in a sleep state

sometimes use sharp utensils or eat non-food items.

Baby, there have been crumbs in the bed.

I've been meaning to ask.

That is so gross and embarrassing.

How could I get from our bedroom

all the way downstairs, eat not just the cake,

but the cake toppers, get back to bed

and not remember any of it?

No, you could set up a camera to see

if that's what's really happening.

Oh, sure,

might as well make the humiliation complete.

I didn't even know you guys were married.

Hey, no one did,

but the cat's out of the bag.

Uh, we didn't wanna make a fuss,

so we went to a Justice of the Peace five years ago.

But Georgie still wanted to make a big, beautiful wedding cake,

even if it was just the two of us.

Was it still delicious five years later?

Innocent until proven guilty.

The proof is in the pooping.

[both laughing]

-Well, it was good. -Oh, that was...

What would you say is a secret to your relationship?

Oh, in the end, George is just really good company.

Greg, too. He always puts a smile on my face.

-And he's cute. -[chuckles]

I'll leave you to it.

And I said, "Were the little men wearing tuxedos?"

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So in addition to eating the top tier

of our wedding cake that had been in our freezer

for five years, he was also eating the cake toppers.

Allegedly. We haven't seen proof.

Wait...

You got married five years ago and-and didn't tell anyone?

We didn't wanna make anyone uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable? By your wedding?

It can be a touchy subject for people and you never know.

You two are the bedrock of this town.

I mean, every, every event, every silly ritual,

you were the first to jump in.

I mean, look at you, you look ridiculous.

-Uh, you're wrong. -Hey!

I just, how could you worry about

not being, not being accepted?

We knew it would probably be fine, but why risk it?

Uh... [sighs]

-[chuckling] -[applause]

-It's time for Bygdedans! -Ooh.

I heard you have all been practicing.

But for those of you who haven't,

it is as easy as one slice of pie.

We will be doing the Ril fra Fjordhavn

The Ril is a traditional Norwegian folk dance

with three parts, clapping...

[clapping]

hopping, and galloping.

You've lost me at hopping.

[Norwegian music]

Hiya!

-[all cheering] -[clapping]

And move.

So, Sarah, I heard you are responsible

for the delicious lobsters we ate.

Did you really catch them all yourself?

Aw, thanks. Yeah, it wasn't much.

Just three 16 hour lobstering days.

Oh, I love a hard-working woman.

In Norway, we are also built strong.

-[laughs] -We fish until we are 90.

-Oh, well. -It's such an honor to meet you.

-[chuckles] -She says that to everyone.

What's wrong with you?

I don't know. I just don't trust them.

-Call it instinct. -Uh...

Well, next time we have visitors,

how about we just ask them to spit in our eye

and kick us in the shins?

Is that what will make you happy, huh?

Think about it.

You do realize that your tenure on the council is temporary?

I can assure you, the only person who wants me

off this town council more than you is me.

[cheering]

[indistinct chatter]

I'm taking the early train to Boston in the morning

-to talk to Dr. Montgomery. -Uh-huh.

What did you say to get me in so quickly?

-Nothing. -Oh, well, thank you.

-Hey! -Oh, hey! Oh, hey! [squeals]

-[thuds] -[all gasping]

How much have you had a drink tonight?

Just like one sip of Aquavit. But they try our lobster rolls.

We try their Aquavit. It's a cultural exchange.

I can smell the alcohol on your breath.

What, so now you're calling me a liar?

I'm just concerned. Why don't you just

have some water, okay? Be careful.

And let's have somebody drive you home.

For the last time. I'm fine, okay?

Just... just...

[instrumental music]

[door opening]

-Det g år bra? -Ekstremt godt.

I totally agree. I think it's going great.

I believe we have them eating out of the...

[with accent] middle of our hands.

-[chuckles] -Is this how you say it?

Mark? Mark?

-[engine rumbling] -Whoo! [gasps]

[tense music]

I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! Are you okay?

Mark, you need to take a breathalyzer right now.

What's going on with you? You could have killed us.

[grunting]

Oh, I am really drunk.

I mean, according to this, but that can't be right.

-What does it say? -0.16, 0.08 is legally drunk.

But I just had that one sip of Aquavit.

I even had a full belly.

I had the three lobster rolls

and a bunch of those Norwegian [mumbles]

the kanelbollers, the Norwegian pastries I had.

I'm telling the truth. I'm not drunk.

Which is exactly what drunk people say when I stop them.

They deny and argue and beg,

and I still have to write 'em up.

Take my badge. Take my keys. Take me.

[keys clacking]

[Martin] Mark, I really don't think this is necessary.

The law is the law.

Even though I'm not drunk.

You have to believe me, doc.

I want to, but you just failed a breathalyzer test.

You reeked of alcohol, and you nearly ran us over.

Mark, if you've been drinking, you can tell me.

Maybe I'm drinking so much

that I can't even remember I've been drinkin'.

I've had a really rough couple of months.

You know, like the broken engagement,

the impalement, the chlamydia,

and worst of all, my best bro betrayed me.

Oh, come on, the impalement has to come first.

Hey, buddy, take these.

-[keys clinking] -My bad, bad throw.

Add it to the list.

Just let me out in the morning

when I've had an opportunity to sleep this off

and think about what I've done.

Mark, this is ridiculous.

Just let me drive you home.

No, man, no can do. I sleep in the slammer.

Don't even think about trying to break me out of here, man.

All right. You know, fine.

[grunts] But I am going to leave you the keys to the cell.

That's fine, feel free, but I'm not gonna let me use them

because this is not my number one horse show.

Martin.

Martin, before you go...

[instrumental music]

will you pass me that box of donuts through the bars?

Thank you for squeezing me into your schedule, Dr. Montgomery.

No problem. Well, actually, it was a problem.

I had to move quite a few things around.

Were you really referred by Martin Best?

Yes, is-is that surprising?

Given how abruptly he left Boston? Yeah.

And he's your, he's your PCP?

Yes, um...

-And a friend, I suppose. -Huh.

He's a local doctor in Port Wenn.

-I'm sorry. Port what? -Port Wenn, Maine.

Ah, where he summered as a kid.

Uh, h-h-how do you know, Martin?

We used to date.

Oh. [chuckles]

It is really good that you came to see me

because your fertility window is closing.

But is it like just barely cracked open

or-or-or could you still feel a draft?

[chuckles] You're funny.

So as you can see

in the ultrasound, it shows

that you have a low antral follicle count,

which suggests diminished ovarian reserve.

I-is that normal for women my age?

"Diminished" meaning low compared to women your age.

Great.

So if your blood tests come back

and show that you have high FSH levels,

IVF is gonna be your best option.

Is your partner open to IVF?

Uh, I don't have a partner at the moment,

which is why I waited apparently longer than I should have.

Well, early bird gets the sperm. [chuckles]

-I'm kidding. I'm not kidding. -Oh.

Um, we'll know more definitively when the results come back.

Now, is Martin, is he still single?

I-I think so.

-I think so. -Mmm.

Um, how did, how did you two meet?

-Med school. -Oh!

-You-you dated in med school? -Yeah.

And then for several years after that.

-Several. Okay. -But we were married

to our careers, and I suspect he never got over me. [whispers]

-Obviously. -Yeah, obviously. [chuckles]

[soft music]

So I should put my pants on now.

All right.

Well, uh, I will call you with the test results.

-Okay. -Okay?

And please, tell Marty I said hi.

I will.

Oh, there he is.

I'm horrified.

I'm a disgusting Neanderthal sleep eater.

How do I stop?

Well, the question is, why did you start

a-and why the wedding cake?

W-well, we did recently hit the five-year mark.

And I guess I always felt guilty...

we kept our marriage a secret.

George told his parents, I never even did that.

-Mm. -Well, that could be it.

Now, talk therapy could help. You might get

some relief now that more people know.

Just make sure you're eating enough at night

so that you're not hungry. Right?

And worst comes to worst, some people

put a lock on their refrigerator.

I'm sorry, Georgie.

You didn't sign up for this. I'm an embarrassment.

Listen, I signed up for "in sickness and in health."

And, baby, this is sick.

Wait the-there's more now.

Wait, that's not you.

[Greg] Oh. [Martin] That's Ludvig.

What is our Norwegian friend doing in your kitchen

-at 3:00 a.m.? -Sleep eaters love company.

[Martin] Why is he going into the walk in?

[George] Oh, oh, because he was upset

that we didn't have a mini fridge

and he needed to store Sigrid's medication.

So I told him he could use ours.

Sigrid told me she doesn't believe in medication.

That's another reason not to like her.

-Oh. -How could you not like Siggy?

-We're obsessed with her. -She's like Scandinavian Barbie

pregnant with Scandinavian Ken's baby.

Are you too serious? Uh, look, I haven't had a moment.

I heard Siggy speak perfect English to Ludvig.

Mm-hmm, yeah, none of this,

[Norwegian accent] "It's as simple as one slice of pie."

-You felt it was that bad? -That was a horrible accent.

-Okay. -Forget it.

Why are they pretending her English is not so good?

Maybe it's just their way of seeming less intimidating.

Because they're gorgeous and perfect in every way.

-He's coming out now. -If only.

[George chuckles]

I need to see what's in your walk in.

[instrumental music]

Well, I don't see any medicine here, just a Norwegian yogurt.

So Ludvig is a liar, see?

Or he just likes yogurt.

Now are you done slandering our guests?

Because we need to get to work.

This feels like an invasion of privacy.

-This is your kitchen. -Maybe that's her medication.

This is not medicine.

These are water samples with dates and times.

Why would he need water samples?

-He's a science teacher. -So he says.

Okay, okay, okay, doc, that's enough.

Stop bein' a hater. They're lovely people.

Seriously, why do you assume the worst?

Sure, there are bad people,

but the world is also full of good, friendly,

generous, big-hearted people.

Why is it so hard for you to believe that?

Because I don't know. That hasn't been my experience.

Well, it's never too late to change.

-Is that a town motto? -[cellphone buzzing]

You're the third person today to...

Oh, Sheriff Mark's lab results.

I-I have to go see Mark.

Well, maybe he can help you solve the case

of the suspicious yogurt.

Put it back where it was.

-He doesn't know. -Greg. Greg. Greg.

I swear to God.

-[door opening] -Mark.

[seagulls squawking]

[door closing]

Oh, you-you, uh, what? What-what are you doing here?

-I'm looking for Mark. -Me too.

I-I heard he slept here last night and I wanted to see

-if he was okay. -He's not.

I got his lab results from yesterday morning.

His blood alcohol level was already through the roof

and he should be in a hospital with an IV.

I have no idea where he is.

Okay, um, well, his car is still here.

He couldn't have gotten far. Let me, you know...

He hasn't been answering his phone, so let me try again.

-[line ringing] -[cell phone buzzing]

[tense music]

[cellphone buzzing]

Mark!

Sally hasn't heard from him either.

Mark! Is there anywhere else Mark used to go

-when he was unhappy. -Ugh, um...

[coughs] There is one place.

-[instrumental music] -Uh, yeah.

[seagulls squawking]

-Mark! -Finally.

-Oh, my God. -[Mark] Great.

The last two people I want to see.

I was already havin' a terrible year,

and now I'm an alcoholic, too.

Mark, that really doesn't look safe.

-Please come down. -Please.

Nope. You're gonna have to come up.

Uh, uh...

[sighs]

-Okay, we got it. I got it. -Okay.

-Yeah. -[exhales]

Hey, Mark, I probably know you better than anyone

and I really, really don't think

that you are an alcoholic.

I agree, Mark.

But you would have had to drink

to get your blood alcohol level to where it was,

-you'd be sick right now. -[Louisa] Yeah. [shrieks]

My teletherapist says did I eat my feelings, not drink them.

[panting] The-the only thing that's been strange

is how much he's been eating.

I mean, it's been a lot more than usual.

Well, I have a lot of feelings.

[soft music]

[breathing heavily]

Auto brewery syndrome.

Nope, that's not the secret password.

That's what you have, the sugar, the carbs, right?

Plus your antibiotics and the gastric impalement.

Your gut is fermenting yeast,

and your stomach has basically created a brewery.

So you do have alcohol in your system,

which is making you act like a dangerously drunk person

because you're producing it, not drinking it.

Wait, so I'm not an alcoholic, I'm just a brewery.

-Uh-uh. -Did you hear that, Louisa?

I did. I did. Yay!

-[wood cracking] -[gasps] Uh!

Oh, could you both please come down now, please?

-[instrumental music] -[birds chirping]

-Oh, you did? Yeah. -Careful.

You two really care about me.

Yeah, of course we do, Mark.

You climbed a tree house for me.

I did. I didn't enjoy it.

I love you.

Both of you. As friends.

-Nothin' more. -Well, yeah.

[drone buzzing]

Oh, that's cool!

No, not cool. It's illegal.

We should get the police. Wait. I am the police.

[drone buzzing]

Wait, is that Ludvig?

[instrumental music]

Thank you, Elaine, for not throwing out the trash

when I ask you to.

Bare hyggelig. That's "no problem" in Norwegian.

Al, you think you can pull the footage from this drone?

-Maybe. -Hi, Dr. West. Guess what?

I ordered Copernicus a water and food bowl

with his name on them. They come next week.

Great. Listen, Peter, you can't tell people I'm your father.

-Why not? -Because it's not true.

But what if I wish it was true?

[instrumental music]

Why would you want me as a father?

You're mean, you're nice, and I trust you.

Oh. Well, you're the one person

who doesn't think I should change.

You? No way.

Then you won't be you.

-Got it, doc. -You did.

You cracked into the drone?

Yep. By using the USB cable.

Uh, why is he filming the coastline?

Because it's beautiful?

Whoa.

[Al] They're underwater now? That's wild.

It is wild. But why film underwater in Port Wenn?

It's not known for its coral reefs.

Unless for the same reason you would test the water.

[tense music]

"Property of Havardsen Industries".

Al, Google Havardsen Industries.

-A... H-A-V-A-R... -D-S-E-N.

[keyboard clacking]

"Havardsen Industries is one

of the largest seafood conglomerates

in the world with an annual revenue

of approximately $7.5 billion,

specializing in frozen, canned, and fresh seafood.

It's based in Norway, owned by Bjorn Havardsen,

whose daughter Sigrid is poised

to take over the company in the next five years."

Bet you $20 that's our Sigrid.

[instrumental music]

Of course, she's involved in this.

Involved in what?

It's unclear, but it's not good.

Wait, doc, this is my sister city.

I already lost one sister.

-This is very triggering. -[door closes]

-[instrumental music] -[indistinct chattering]

-[door closes] -Oh.

Where's Ludvig and Sigrid?

They went out sightseeing with Glendon.

Why, are you about to start trouble?

Don't you be mean to those nice people.

-Nice people, my ass. -Okay, Martin, give it a rest.

And by the way, Aunt Sarah, it was Ludvig.

-who hit you with the drone. -Oh. Oh!

-Now I'm mad. -Mm-hmm. And-and-what...

What are they doing with Glendon anyway?

Oh, so you've been sightseeing, huh? Around the harbor perhaps?

Yes. Sorry. Did, oh, did you wanna come with us?

No, I-I want the people of Port Wenn to know

the truth about our guests.

What? That they're lovely people?

No, that Sigrid's family owns a giant seafood conglomerate

and Ludvig here has been surveying our bay.

Now, as a temporary town council member,

I demand to know the real reason for your visit.

A Nordic ocean-based salmon farm,

one of the largest on the eastern seaboard.

We will present our plans to the town

and we believe you will all be very happy with the proposition.

-A salmon farm? -In our beautiful bay.

It might spoil the view, but it will be

very profitable for you all.

There might even be an uptick in tourism.

-Children love salmon farms. -Mm.

But you still wanna be our sister city, right?

They never wanted to be our sister city, did you?

We wanted to be your business partner.

-That's much more meaningful. -Is it?

I-I'm having a hard time following all this

since I got hit in the head with your drone.

And you, you've known about this all along, haven't you, Glendon?

I knew the people this town would be

much more open to meeting a sister city delegation

than a potential investor and developer,

but they're still the same people

you've come to know and love and they're offering us all

a great opportunity.

So Martin has been right about this whole thing

the entire time.

You'll see, this is all for the best.

Well, we'll have to see everything in detail

before we sign anything, Glendon.

-Geneva already signed. -Huh?

There was an economic development clause

in the sister city agreement.

You should always read the full contract.

Oh, y-you said it was "boilerplate."

Well, it was, for fishing rights.

[gasps]

[groans]

[people murmuring]

[flags rustling]

[clacking]

[dramatic music]

[ending theme]

[production theme]