Original subtitles

Spicy bum bum! Shit is about to get real.

My name is Daniel Petronijevic.

I'm an actor...

You ever seen the Milky Way over Lake Titicaca?

...and I've played a ton of blue collar jobs on TV.

May the welding gods be with us!

But I've always wondered,

do I have what it takes to do it in real life?

Well...

We're about to find out...

'Cause this is Blue Collar.

Everybody poops.

And when you gotta go on the go,

someone has to deal with it.

Right now, I'm a Lambton Sanitation,

a company that's been proudly pumping shit

for over ten years.

So I'm about to find out what it takes to get one of these

plastic thrones ready for some guy with a chili dog and...

bad timing.

- Are you Sean? - I am.

- Nice pussy. - Thank you, Dan.

I hear you're my new shit eater for the day.

Oh, that's quite a term.

Well, that's the business we're in.

Okay.

We got a lot of units to clean up for the

Brigden Rodeo tomorrow.

It's a big event for us.

And they've gotta be pristine.

Almost like your sister or your mother

are gonna be in there.

They'll be polished like bloody porcelain.

God damn diamond for my mother's ass.

You know what?

We've had guys last just an hour here.

You're more than welcome to give this a try.

- Guarantee you one thing. - What?

I'll do my fucking best.

Get suited up, and then go meet T-Cap in the yard.

Oh-ho, yeah!

I am...

Turdinator.

- How's it going? - Good.

How about yourself?

- You T-Cap? - I'm T-Cap.

Okay, I'm the new guy.

First thing's first, I'd probably take out

those earplugs and put 'em in your nose.

Well, at least I can hear you now.

- They're out. - Yeah.

What about the mask?

If you can keep your mouth shut, then...

I'd take it off.

Sweet! Good. Do I need these glasses?

You need those glasses.

Don't want shit in your eyes.

Nobody wants a case of pink eye.

- No. What we're doing is- - Game on.

We're cleaning units for the rodeo.

Okay.

These've been sitting in the sun for a couple weeks,

and I got one question to ask you...

How's your gag reflex?

That's a different show, I think.

Is there shit all in there?

Oh, there is more shit than you can imagine.

That's exactly what I didn't want to hear.

See how this unit is, that's first thing's first.

Smells nice.

Oh! Oh, fuck!

People be shitting, man.

But why the fuck is there so much shit?

We're gonna need to pump it.

We're gonna need to power wash it.

We're gonna need to restock it.

Get it looking good for the rodeo.

- Giddy up. - Grab the hose...

- unravel it. - Yes...?

Truck uses a PTO system,

stands for "Power Takeoff System."

That's gonna run the vacuum pump.

Okay, so if ever you were like constipated

or something, you just jam that thing up

the old fucking cake-maker,

and just suck 'er right out like an ostrich egg. "Dnk!"

Ah, that's got a lot of suction.

That might blow out your rectum.

- I am the Turdinator. - Let's see it.

We're going in deep!

Turdinator...

engage.

Oh! Oh!

She fights with you a little bit.

Oh, God, it's thick at the bottom.

It's like there was a layer of Jell-O in it.

Holy fuck!

Yeah, get it all.

There's beer cans in it!

We're gonna have to grab those out.

Looks like there's a lot of good beer

in there still.

What am I spraying this with?

Industrial grade cleaner.

I might need this for my bum when I go home.

Nah, it's gonna burn.

What do you say to people when they ask you

what you do for a living?

Suck out shitters, really.

Fuckin' 'atta boy. Fuckin' integrity.

- Why fuck around? - Yeah, no bullshit title.

Suck shit.

Suck shit, and that's what I do.

You can too if you don't like it.

Yeah.

- Some of it's stuck. - Gotta get closer.

- Oh, God! - Really get in there.

Oh, I gotta go in it.

Oh, yeah, we gotta spray inside the toilet.

Oh, for fuck!

If you get wet, you get wet.

I'm not getting covered in shit juice!

That's the job.

The name of our game is...

cleanest port-a-potties in town,

one rogue turd and it's a one-star review.

Oh!

Why, you bastard.

Oh.

That's everything.

Well, that was pretty easy.

Well, it took you 30 minutes.

It takes me 7 minutes.

And we got 60 more to do.

60?

Word on the streets is T-Cap can get

one of these done in 7 minutes.

Took me a half an hour.

Think with a little extra practice,

I can definitely get it down to 29.59 minutes.

Onto the next one.

I'll never be back.

Look at the fucking door!

How do you get shit on the door?

I'm definitely gonna need another glove.

T-Cap!

Look at the wall! And the ceiling!

Somebody exploded.

Let's just burn this one, for sure.

T-Cap, I can't take this shit anymore, okay?

Let's play port-a-shitter roulette.

I hide in one of these.

If you pick the right one, you get to spray me,

and I have to clean the rest of the 60 shitters.

If you pick the wrong one, you don't get to spray me,

and I don't have to do any of this shit.

- Okay? Deal? - Deal.

Alright, now turn your long-legged ass around.

He'll never find me.

1, 2, 3.

Ah!

A man... stands by...

What is going on here?

Adam, ah...

it was his idea. No, it wasn't.

It was totally mine, boss. I'm sorry. I fucked up.

How many toilets you got cleaned out?

- Probably two. - Show me.

Fine, I will.

We take a lot of pride in our reviews.

- I'm sure you do. - And, unfortunately...

this is looking like a one-star toilet.

My fuck.

We gotta 60 units done for the rodeo,

like ASAP, so... yeah, I think you're probably

better served helping out Poop inside.

I, I...

I do poop inside.

Well, you gotta go help out Poop inside.

- So that's a person? - Poop is a person.

A poople- He's a purple...

He's a poople. Poop's a poople.

Alright.

In actual fact, it is as hot as ass s out here.

I just wanted to get watered down,

and it helped me out of doody duty, so...

it's pretty much a win-win.

- Oh. - You're Dab?

Yeah.

I'm your new helping hand bitch.

They call me "Poop" around here.

What's the deal? That's your name?

My last name's Pupard.

Your last name is "Poop-ard"?

So, you shorten it up and call me Poo.

Yes, sir, Mr. Poop.

On any given day, I'm always repairing toilets.

This one was at a customer's place.

So what's the scoop, Poop?

Someone caught it on fire.

Their ass blew it right out.

Okay, we're gonna go over here

and fix this pink unit.

Another thing we run into is people steal toilet seats.

Apparently they're like gold.

Different strokes for different folks, you know.

You ready to go to work putting a toilet seat on?

Yes, sir.

Okay, there's a new on in here for you.

Has this thing been cleaned?

Nope.

Am I wearing gloves for this?

Bare-hander, bud.

This is shitty.

Say hello to daddy.

Fuck! Poop!

There's a fucking enormous piece of shit right here.

Well, maybe next time when you clean it,

you'll get it all.

Give me strength.

This is a tough job to get into.

The smell. Definitely the smell.

But you know what, it- it grows on you.

It's not too bad.

It's completely rancid.

Hurry up and screw, Dan.

Every man screws at his own pace.

Hey, Poop...

what's the weirdest thing you ever found in one of these?

I was doing a toilet down by the river there,

and I found a big fish in it.

I don't think it was alive.

Do you think someone shit out a whole fish?

Possibly.

Do you ever find anything valuable?

Cellphones, wallets.

- Cellphones and wallets. - Purse.

Mission accomplished.

Give it a good wiggle test 'cause

they take a lot of punishment.

Good?

I think it's alright, eh?

Fucking guaranteed. Harder than stone.

- That's good. - Mission complete.

The fuck?

Hey, new guy! I'm going on a septic run.

- Do you want to come? - Fuck yeah!

- Let's go! - Pump!

- I'm Daniel. - Tyler.

- Tyler? Good to meet ya. - Nice to meet you.

Where are we off to?

We're going to do a septic pump out.

So, people who live in the city are hooked up

to a city sewage system.

But here in the country,

a lot of the houses just have...

septic tanks?

- That's correct, yeah. - Gotcha.

And they gotta get sucked out.

Sucked out every two to five years.

How much is this truck when it's loaded?

It holds 3600 gallons of waste.

Three households will fill this truck up.

- Right up? - Yeah.

What's the best part of your job,

would you say, Tyler?

I love interacting with the customers.

- Do you really? - Yeah.

- That's the best part of it? - Best part.

And what's the worst part of this job?

Dealing with all the shit.

Alright, so we're here to clean out a septic tank.

It hasn't been done in five years.

Always like to have a look before we get started.

Let's get these lids removed here.

You never know what you're gonna find either, so...

It could be corn back rattlers.

Watch out, this might be a dangerous job.

Step back, sir. I'm a shit ninja.

The stink.

Come on.

Oh, shit.

Easy, easy now.

Here we go. Piss- ew, fuck.

It just looks like a big, horrible mess

of fucking awfulness. It's disgusting.

It is liquified poo.

Oh, that one's heavier.

- Easy. - Ew!

Oh, there's shit in there.

So the difference between these two tanks

is this is your solid side...

- Yeah? - This is your liquid side.

When you flush your toilet,

it goes into your solid side.

Okay.

Breaks down to liquid, goes to your liquid side,

and then it goes out to the weeping bed.

I believe the technical terms is affluent.

You know your shit.

That looks like a shit pizza from hell.

Oh, daddy!

What are we doing with this?

We're gonna make a poo smoothie.

This is the poo pulveriser.

Why are we busting up all the poo?

To break up all the hard crust there.

It's easier to pump out for us.

This is disgusting.

Oh, fuck this in the fucking ass.

Oh!

It's getting splashy.

- It looks good. - Yeah?

That was remarkable.

One of the best poo smoothies I've ever soon.

- Good job. - Thank you.

I feel pretty good about being told

I make a good shit smoothie.

I've never made one before.

It's time to start sucking.

Am I running the turbo sucker?

Go for it.

Geez, the hose jerks.

She'll throw you around.

It's like it's got a mind of its own.

What's something you should never flush down

your toilet in a septic tank?

Grease and condoms.

- Anything else? - Paper towel. Rags.

- Dildos. - Dildos.

- Pocket pussies. - Any sex toy, really.

There's still a little bit of shit in here.

You always want to leave

a little bit of shit in the tanks.

Why?

It helps restart the whole system.

So you need some shit in the bottom

to restart the bacteria.

Some people put in road kill-

raccoons, squirrels, rabbit.

Dead things.

It helps restart your system.

- Wow. - Yeah.

There you go. We're done?

Let's get the lids back on.

Ultimately, this was a success.

I didn't get covered in shit.

And I just really didn't want to get it in my face,

or mouth, or eyes, or even in my...

beautiful mullet, which I believe is

shit-free at the moment.

Well, there's tons of ways of saying

having a shit. Wanna have a shit-off?

- Sure. - Hot steamer.

I'm gonna go drop the kids off at the pool.

Pushing out a corn back rattler.

Making a mud pie.

Having a Hot Carl.

No, that's maybe not that.

I think that's when you have a shit on someone's chest.

Nice of you guys to show up.

Adam is fucking yelling at us.

We got work.

We got toilets to load up.

Come on, let's get a move on.

All these toilets gotta get on this trailer for

tomorrow morning, for the rodeo.

Fucking all of them?

All of 'em, come on, let's get a move on.

I gotta get to work 'cause if I don't

get it done, I'm not gonna have enough time to prepare

for my big surprise for them at the rodeo.

Ooh, daddy's got a good one.

- Ride 'er up. - Money.

Let's go, keep a move on.

We got deadlines to meet.

- And what are you doing? - Safety watch.

What the fuck is this bullshit?

How much do these shit boxes weigh?

Ah, without anything in it,

they weigh 70 pounds.

It is a little bit harder at the end of it.

Yeah, the last few definitely feel like

they weigh a little more than 70 pounds.

There's a shit ton of shit moving.

Ready for a cowboy's ass.

That's a loaded trailer.

Everything loaded, boys?

- Everything loaded up. - Rodeo waits for nobody.

Let's go, let's get it all locked up

and let's get out of here.

Exactly. How do you think I did?

Scale of 1 to 10.

You're definitely a number two.

So you're saying I'm the shit?

- You are the shit. - Ha!

- Let's go, boys! - I'm the shit!

Let's go, come on.

I'm gonna be a fucking PhD in shitting.

I got a feeling you already are.

Already are.

Yeehaw!

The port-a-shitters are delivered!

We're here at the Brigden Rodeo.

Alright, so we got the two right here, guys.

Then there's gonna be another five that's gonna be

pointing to the east on the fence line.

That's gonna be for the food vendors, okay, guys?

Yes, sir?

- Why? - Why?

These are all strategically placed where

they're gonna be a lot of different people,

right, so the food- DAN: Why?

That is where all the food is going to be.

Right? So you don't want to put the toilets far enough

away that people might shit their pants, essentially.

Oh. Personally, I don't want a shitter

right beside where I'm eating.

Yeah.

But you know what you're doing.

I'll shut the fucking cornhole.

Good luck with that.

So, we're gonna be driving the truck. What?

I'm just stretching, Sean.

- Oh, well. - I mean, obviously.

- Yeah, obviously. - Tone 'er down.

Pump the brakes a little bit.

Alright, yeah, sure.

We want to do this again next year,

we gotta be bang on this year.

Alright, let's go, boys!

Yeehaw!

Whoa-ly fuck! H'yaw!

- The door's on the side. - Agh!

I fucked it all up! Sorry!

Dan's literally the slowest guy

we've ever had as a new guy.

If he just paid attention and focused on his work

a lot more, things would be a lot better.

Yeah! Fuck!

I whipped myself in the neck.

Whipped my own ass.

H'yaw!

So we're zip-tying them together,

that way they're all secured.

And they stay together in a row.

You don't want somebody tipping it over

- when you're in there. - We don't, no.

I mean, it'd be funny if it wasn't you.

It's always funny when it's not you.

- Dan? - Yeah?

So, first thing's first,

we're getting these toilets all set up.

What we are going to do is grab our blue packs in here.

- Right. - Grab one of those.

What are those for?

These are for- help break down the waste,

helps keep the odour down.

So, what we do is, ah...

Want me to throw her in?

I'll give you that.

Just chuck 'er in the toilet right there.

- H'yaw... - Straight in the toilet.

- Oh, perfect shot. - That works.

So, what we're gonna do,

we're gonna blast those blue packs you threw in there.

Make sure there's something for the waste to go into,

so that it's not just a dry thing in the bottom.

Okay, I understand.

Blast away, let's see it.

I'm doing it with my eyes closed.

I don't want to get any on my eye.

Keep going. Keep on going.

Keep on going! Good?

Alrighty, that looks mint.

Mint? Ready for a bum.

Whoa. What a day.

We cleaned...

Oh, God, it's thick at the bottom.

Fixed...

Say hello to daddy.

Loaded the shitters...

But tomorrow is the rodeo, and I've got a

little surprise brewing for the boys.

Something that might shock the very

shit out of them... Maybe literally.

Ooh-hoo-hoo.

This is your cowboy!

Now he's ready to go!

We're at the rodeo and the gates are open.

Oh, no!

Human asses will be blowing port-a-potties

that I helped prepare.

I just really hope I do the boys at Lambton Sanitation proud.

Anyone in there? Do you need help?

No!

Alone time.

Hello, sir.

- Hi. - Hi.

How'd it go in there?

It honestly is probably one of the cleanest

port-a-potties I've been in.

It smells really good in there.

The toilet paper wasn't too friction-y?

No, I'm impressed.

- Excuse me, hi. - Hi.

Ah, just so I know, is it like one or two?

- One. - Money, thanks.

After you, my dear.

Please, please, please.

This time, once at least- Oh, hello, sir.

- Hey! - How was the smell?

It was pretty good before...

- I was in there. - Great.

Oh! Let me get that for you.

Oh, thank you.

- Hey. - Bye.

Liar!

Yeah!

I've been hearing some rumours

that Dan's got a surprise for us.

How do you like my cock?

Little does he know we've got a surprise

cooked up for him as well.

Test this baby out.

Oh, pristine!

Alrighty. Ooh.

Hey! Oh! Hey!

Hey! No!

It jizzed on me!

Oh!

I knew you pricks would do it!

You fucking turned on me!

Oh, no! Please! Oh, my God, stop!

Holy fuck!

You assholes.

I knew it!

I fucking knew it! Pricks.

Just want to say, now,

you are a professional shit eater.

I am a professional shit eater.

Thank you, Sean.

Honestly, guys, this was great,

so thank you very much for taking me

through this process.

Thanks for saying that, Dan.

We're happy to have you.

Get 'er in here, boys, for shit's sakes.

Come on now, let's bring 'er in.

- Alright. - Shit eaters.

Honestly, these guys are great.

Okay, they got a shitty job,

but I am so glad that they do it.

And all of our asses should thank them for doing it.

And all of our peepees too.

1, 2, 3! Shit eaters!

Yeah! Woo!

He gets it on! Come on!

Most dangerous area of rodeo

is in the bull shoot.

Woo!

Hey, ladies and gentlemen,

our next cowboy's a real daredevil.

He's about to take a wild ride

on a spirited force of nature.

Are you guys ready for this?

Let's hear it for Dan Petronijvec!

Shit's about to get wild, boys and girls.

Fuck, yeah!

Oh!

Come on, Lambton boys!

This is Blue Collar.

Yeah!

And by the way...

T-Cap and Adam...

You missed a spot, bitches.