Original subtitles

-Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show."

This is it. Welcome to the show.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Well, guys, today President Trump launched a new mobile app

for people to receive news, updates,

briefings, and alerts directly from the White House.

Yeah. And these days, when you hear the phrase

"President Trump launched,"

a new app is the best-case scenario.

That's -- I like that. Yeah. That's --

[ Cheers and applause ] What did he launch? Yeah.

Yeah. You can download it on the App Store or Google Play

and wherever other fine propaganda is sold.

[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

That's right.

And this is fun. Besides news updates,

you can also swipe right or left on countries

Trump might invade next. [ Laughter ]

[ as Trump ] Congrats, we matched on Cuba.

[ Normal voice ] Well, a lot of people are talking about this.

Trump is adding his own signature

to all new U.S. currency.

[ Audience booing ]

That's right. He's the first sitting president

to put his own name on every bill.

I guess he's excited. Look at this video he put out.

-This is President Trump

and I can't wait to see my name on every U.S.

bill, right alongside some of our nation's

most prominent figures,

people like the Quaker Oats guy,

Dame Judi Dench,

Lurch from "The Addams Family,"

Glen Powell,

Beethoven,

Al from "Home Improvement,"

and of course, the pigeon lady from "Home Alone 2."

I was in that.

[ Cheers and applause ]

-He's honored. He's honored to be with all those.

-Very honored.

What a roll call. -Yeah.

[ Applause ]

Well, some business news --

I saw that Netflix just announced

that they're once again raising prices.

[ Audience booing ]

And they explained the decision with a commercial.

Take a look at this.

-At Netflix, we strive to deliver

the best content for you and your whole family,

and to ensure we can keep doing that,

we're raising our monthly price.

Thanks for understanding. Netflix.

[ Laughter ]

-I got that. It's nice. Yeah. In other news --

What's that? Hold on. Sorry.

I'm getting from the control room.

They're saying there's another message from Netflix.

-Wow. -Yeah, let's roll that.

-At Netflix, we value honesty,

which is why we're letting you know

that we're once again raising our monthly price.

Thanks again. Netflix.

[ Laughter ] -Again? Already?

-Twice. -Alright. Well...

[ Applause ] Yeah, sure. Clap.

We're happy now. Anyway. Well, hopefully that's it.

No more price hikes. Anyway, I read that --

-It's another price hike, bitch!

Netflix rates are going up again and you can't stop us!

-Do you like "Bridgerton"?

-Good 'cause you're about to get [bleep]

Open up that wallet, you streaming simp!

Prices are going up faster than gas!

-Strait of Hormuz. -Ding dong!

Is it cake? No, it's another price hike!

Pay up or we'll send you into a real-life squid game!

What are you gonna do?! Watch Paramount+?!

And you know what else?!

We're making the "tudum" sound even louder!

Tudum! Netflix!

[ Goat screaming ]

-Wow. Wow! That's a bit extreme.

-I can't believe that. [ Applause ]

-And finally, here's some good news.

Airports around the country are returning to normal

after Trump signed an emergency order

to start paying TSA agents again.

[ Cheers and applause ]

And this is fun. TSA agents celebrated

by drinking 3.4 ounces of champagne.

There we go. We have a great show.

Give it up for The Roots, everybody.

-♪ You're now intuned to the sound of the R to the double O ♪

♪ To the T-S and I stretch limit to this profession ♪

♪ Voice physically fit, tracks I'm bench-pressing, yo ♪

-Oh, my goodness.

Thank you very much, everybody.

Enjoy yourself. Welcome to the show.

Hey, be sure to tune in all week long.

We have some great shows coming up.

Cameron Diaz will be here this week.

-Oh! -We love Cami D.

Zendaya and Robert Pattinson will be joining us.

[ Cheers and applause ]

And on Thursday our guest will be Jack Black!

-Yeah! -Come on!

[ Cheers and applause ]

But first, what a show we have for you tonight.

He's an Emmy-winning actor

who stars in the Apple TV series "Your Friends & Neighbors."

Season 2 premieres this Friday.

Jon Hamm is here tonight! -Oh!

[ Cheers and applause ]

Come on! -The best.

That show's great too. He's fantastic in it.

Also, you could see him in the popular series "The Boys,"

which I love.

It returns for its fifth

and final season April 8th on Prime Video.

Jack Quaid is joining us.

[ Cheers and applause ]

He's fantastic.

And then our musical guests tonight are fantastic.

What do these people have in common?

Andrew Lloyd Webber. -Okay.

-Michael Crawford.

Bernadette Peters. -Yeah.

-Joel Grey. -Ooh.

-Lin-Manuel Miranda. -Ooh!

-Me. [ Laughter ]

You know what I'm saying? -No.

-We're all famous and known for our work on Broadway.

-Oh, of course. Broadway. Yes.

That's the first thing to come to mind.

-Last year I did -- Thank you.

I did seven days on Broadway.

Thank -- [ Cheers and applause ]

Thank you.

So nice of you.

It feels like you really mean that.

-Oh. [ Laughter ]

-Seven days, probably over 10 performances maybe.

-Yeah, that's a lot. -Thank you.

And I was in a play called "All In,"

and it was written by Simon Rich.

And it had -- Aidy Bryant was in it,

Nick Kroll, Lin-Manuel Miranda and I,

and the band was The Bengsons.

And they were unbelievable. They -- Believable.

Believable. What did I say? -Unbelievable.

-What did I say? -They were unbelievable.

-But what did I say? Unbelieva--

-Believable.

-I said they were believable? -Like Beliebers.

-I said they were believable. -Yeah.

-They were. -They were believable.

I believe that they played.

-Absolutely. [ Laughter ]

That's why we booked them tonight,

to see if they really are -- exist.

-Yeah. If they are believable.

[ Cheers and applause ] -Are they believable?

But The Bengsons -- they are so good.

Man, they're so talented, and they're here tonight.

They're going to do a performance from the musical

"My Joy Is Heavy."

The Bengsons are here tonight.

[ Cheers and applause ]

The Bengsons! -Oh!

-I love them! Hot show.

Guys, it can be hard to say goodbye,

but sometimes you just have to, and there are a few things

I'd like to say goodbye to right now.

It's time for "Go On, Git!"

-♪ Go on, git ♪

♪ Go on, git ♪

♪ Go on, go on, go on, git ♪

[ Laughter ]

-Wow.

It's like I'm watching Broadway.

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

-Go on, git,

restaurants that bring the credit-card reader to the table.

Sure, it saves time, but I can't take the pressure.

The waiter's watching me. My friends are watching me.

I'll frantically tap whatever button ends

this moment the fastest.

80% tip? Sure.

Just get this weird Game Boy away from me.

Bring me my doggy bag of fettuccine Alfredo

and go on, git.

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

You want me to read what I just typed?

-Please. -Go on, git, pineapples!

You don't smell like pine and you don't taste like apple.

You done got me good there.

For a second, I thought you were a pine apple.

But you ain't nothing

but a prickly football with wacky hair.

Now go on, git, until your name is not a lie.

And I'm looking at you too, horseradish.

[ Cheers and applause ]

-[ Mimicking wind gusting ]

Wow.

♪♪

-Go on, git!

[ Laughter ]

Go on, git, giant ice cubes for whiskey glasses.

I'm sorry. All I want to do is sip some bourbon,

not suck on a clear Rubik's cube all night long.

Just go to brookstone.com

and buy me some whiskey stones shaped like Easter Island heads

so I can drink like a real man and then git.

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

[ Spits ] [ Tink! ]

[ Spits ] [ Tink! ]

[ Spits ] [ Tink! ]

Watch out for that tumbleweed.

[ Spits ]

[ Tink! ] [ Cheers and applause ]

No, no, no, no, no!

[ Laughter ]

♪♪

Go on, git, SMEG appliances.

Seriously, what kind of disgusting name is SMEG?

I don't want anything in the kitchen

that sounds like something

I might have contracted on spring break.

Now git! Git!

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

Go on, git, new sneakers

where the laces are all pre-laced weird.

Everything's going straight across with one long,

weird lace down in the middle.

And where are the ends?

In some sixth dimension

that only exists in the back of a Foot Locker?

I came here to get some new kicks,

not stare at some shoelace version of the Magic Eye poster.

Now go on, git.

[ Cheers and applause ]

♪♪

[ Audience groans ]

-Oh! -Go on, git!

♪♪

[ Laughter ]

Ever wish you didn't do something?

[ Laughter ]

-You got water in there? -I don't want to swallow it

in case of needles. -Yeah. Come on.

Git! Git, straw in my mouth.

[ Laughter ]

-Go on, git, refried beans.

Why don't you just call yourself what you actually are?

Brown mashed potatoes.

What the heck do you mean, refried?

We both know you've never been fried to begin with,

and you sure as heck weren't fried again.

Now, let me get a spoonful of that lumpy, muddy slop

so I can help you go on, git.

[ Cheers and applause ]

Well, hard to see them go,

but I'm glad I got that out of my system.

Stick around.

We'll be right back with more "Tonight Show."