All language subtitles for Trump Launches White House Mobile App, Forces His Signature on U.S. Currency | Tonight Show [lR5eFHm62gg].en-US

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,468 --> 00:00:02,903 -Welcome, welcome, welcome to "The Tonight Show." 2 00:00:02,903 --> 00:00:04,938 This is it. Welcome to the show. 3 00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:07,808 [ Cheers and applause ] 4 00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:11,378 Well, guys, today President Trump launched a new mobile app 5 00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:13,514 for people to receive news, updates, 6 00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,750 briefings, and alerts directly from the White House. 7 00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:19,119 Yeah. And these days, when you hear the phrase 8 00:00:19,119 --> 00:00:20,454 "President Trump launched," 9 00:00:20,454 --> 00:00:21,855 a new app is the best-case scenario. 10 00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,957 That's -- I like that. Yeah. That's -- 11 00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:26,226 [ Cheers and applause ] What did he launch? Yeah. 12 00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:30,964 Yeah. You can download it on the App Store or Google Play 13 00:00:30,964 --> 00:00:33,467 and wherever other fine propaganda is sold. 14 00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:36,570 [ Laughter, cheers, applause ] 15 00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,739 That's right. 16 00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:40,908 And this is fun. Besides news updates, 17 00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:42,876 you can also swipe right or left on countries 18 00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,412 Trump might invade next. [ Laughter ] 19 00:00:45,412 --> 00:00:48,715 [ as Trump ] Congrats, we matched on Cuba. 20 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,617 [ Normal voice ] Well, a lot of people are talking about this. 21 00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:52,186 Trump is adding his own signature 22 00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,388 to all new U.S. currency. 23 00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,756 [ Audience booing ] 24 00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:58,025 That's right. He's the first sitting president 25 00:00:58,025 --> 00:01:00,093 to put his own name on every bill. 26 00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:02,596 I guess he's excited. Look at this video he put out. 27 00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:04,331 -This is President Trump 28 00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:06,767 and I can't wait to see my name on every U.S. 29 00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:09,136 bill, right alongside some of our nation's 30 00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:10,871 most prominent figures, 31 00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:13,507 people like the Quaker Oats guy, 32 00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:15,475 Dame Judi Dench, 33 00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:17,744 Lurch from "The Addams Family," 34 00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,446 Glen Powell, 35 00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:20,814 Beethoven, 36 00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:22,449 Al from "Home Improvement," 37 00:01:22,449 --> 00:01:25,285 and of course, the pigeon lady from "Home Alone 2." 38 00:01:25,285 --> 00:01:26,620 I was in that. 39 00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,188 [ Cheers and applause ] 40 00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:30,657 -He's honored. He's honored to be with all those. 41 00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:31,892 -Very honored. 42 00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:34,061 What a roll call. -Yeah. 43 00:01:34,061 --> 00:01:35,329 [ Applause ] 44 00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:36,597 Well, some business news -- 45 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,298 I saw that Netflix just announced 46 00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:40,434 that they're once again raising prices. 47 00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,569 [ Audience booing ] 48 00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:44,204 And they explained the decision with a commercial. 49 00:01:44,204 --> 00:01:45,372 Take a look at this. 50 00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:47,241 -At Netflix, we strive to deliver 51 00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:49,376 the best content for you and your whole family, 52 00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:50,944 and to ensure we can keep doing that, 53 00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,412 we're raising our monthly price. 54 00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:55,115 Thanks for understanding. Netflix. 55 00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,650 [ Laughter ] 56 00:01:56,650 --> 00:02:00,587 -I got that. It's nice. Yeah. In other news -- 57 00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:01,922 What's that? Hold on. Sorry. 58 00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,490 I'm getting from the control room. 59 00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:05,392 They're saying there's another message from Netflix. 60 00:02:05,392 --> 00:02:07,060 -Wow. -Yeah, let's roll that. 61 00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:09,029 -At Netflix, we value honesty, 62 00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:10,898 which is why we're letting you know 63 00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:12,833 that we're once again raising our monthly price. 64 00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,035 Thanks again. Netflix. 65 00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:17,137 [ Laughter ] -Again? Already? 66 00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,972 -Twice. -Alright. Well... 67 00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:21,775 [ Applause ] Yeah, sure. Clap. 68 00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:24,745 We're happy now. Anyway. Well, hopefully that's it. 69 00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:27,514 No more price hikes. Anyway, I read that -- 70 00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:29,616 -It's another price hike, bitch! 71 00:02:29,616 --> 00:02:35,189 Netflix rates are going up again and you can't stop us! 72 00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:36,590 -Do you like "Bridgerton"? 73 00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,892 -Good 'cause you're about to get [bleep] 74 00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:41,662 Open up that wallet, you streaming simp! 75 00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,364 Prices are going up faster than gas! 76 00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:46,066 -Strait of Hormuz. -Ding dong! 77 00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:48,702 Is it cake? No, it's another price hike! 78 00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:51,705 Pay up or we'll send you into a real-life squid game! 79 00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:54,174 What are you gonna do?! Watch Paramount+?! 80 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,375 And you know what else?! 81 00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:58,312 We're making the "tudum" sound even louder! 82 00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:00,380 Tudum! Netflix! 83 00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:02,216 [ Goat screaming ] 84 00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:06,153 -Wow. Wow! That's a bit extreme. 85 00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:09,389 -I can't believe that. [ Applause ] 86 00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:11,258 -And finally, here's some good news. 87 00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:13,393 Airports around the country are returning to normal 88 00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:15,262 after Trump signed an emergency order 89 00:03:15,262 --> 00:03:17,764 to start paying TSA agents again. 90 00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:21,335 [ Cheers and applause ] 91 00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:25,405 And this is fun. TSA agents celebrated 92 00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:27,641 by drinking 3.4 ounces of champagne. 93 00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,276 There we go. We have a great show. 94 00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:31,144 Give it up for The Roots, everybody. 95 00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:34,781 -♪ You're now intuned to the sound of the R to the double O ♪ 96 00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:38,085 ♪ To the T-S and I stretch limit to this profession ♪ 97 00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,487 ♪ Voice physically fit, tracks I'm bench-pressing, yo ♪ 98 00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,055 -Oh, my goodness. 99 00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,657 Thank you very much, everybody. 100 00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,359 Enjoy yourself. Welcome to the show. 101 00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:46,960 Hey, be sure to tune in all week long. 102 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,562 We have some great shows coming up. 103 00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:49,796 Cameron Diaz will be here this week. 104 00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:52,833 -Oh! -We love Cami D. 105 00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,636 Zendaya and Robert Pattinson will be joining us. 106 00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:57,104 [ Cheers and applause ] 107 00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:59,806 And on Thursday our guest will be Jack Black! 108 00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:00,807 -Yeah! -Come on! 109 00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:03,277 [ Cheers and applause ] 110 00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:04,945 But first, what a show we have for you tonight. 111 00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:06,914 He's an Emmy-winning actor 112 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:10,250 who stars in the Apple TV series "Your Friends & Neighbors." 113 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,452 Season 2 premieres this Friday. 114 00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:14,388 Jon Hamm is here tonight! -Oh! 115 00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:15,689 [ Cheers and applause ] 116 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:19,193 Come on! -The best. 117 00:04:19,193 --> 00:04:21,995 That show's great too. He's fantastic in it. 118 00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:24,131 Also, you could see him in the popular series "The Boys," 119 00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:25,399 which I love. 120 00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,100 It returns for its fifth 121 00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,336 and final season April 8th on Prime Video. 122 00:04:29,336 --> 00:04:31,572 Jack Quaid is joining us. 123 00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:35,008 [ Cheers and applause ] 124 00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:37,311 He's fantastic. 125 00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:41,648 And then our musical guests tonight are fantastic. 126 00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:43,517 What do these people have in common? 127 00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:45,686 Andrew Lloyd Webber. -Okay. 128 00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:48,155 -Michael Crawford. 129 00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:50,257 Bernadette Peters. -Yeah. 130 00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:52,326 -Joel Grey. -Ooh. 131 00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:54,428 -Lin-Manuel Miranda. -Ooh! 132 00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:56,964 -Me. [ Laughter ] 133 00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:58,832 You know what I'm saying? -No. 134 00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:01,268 -We're all famous and known for our work on Broadway. 135 00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:02,636 -Oh, of course. Broadway. Yes. 136 00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,404 That's the first thing to come to mind. 137 00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:06,807 -Last year I did -- Thank you. 138 00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,576 I did seven days on Broadway. 139 00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:10,978 Thank -- [ Cheers and applause ] 140 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,980 Thank you. 141 00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,314 So nice of you. 142 00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:17,317 It feels like you really mean that. 143 00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,386 -Oh. [ Laughter ] 144 00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:22,055 -Seven days, probably over 10 performances maybe. 145 00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:24,625 -Yeah, that's a lot. -Thank you. 146 00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:26,393 And I was in a play called "All In," 147 00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:27,794 and it was written by Simon Rich. 148 00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:29,596 And it had -- Aidy Bryant was in it, 149 00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:32,199 Nick Kroll, Lin-Manuel Miranda and I, 150 00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:34,001 and the band was The Bengsons. 151 00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:37,905 And they were unbelievable. They -- Believable. 152 00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:40,641 Believable. What did I say? -Unbelievable. 153 00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:42,709 -What did I say? -They were unbelievable. 154 00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:45,212 -But what did I say? Unbelieva-- 155 00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:46,446 -Believable. 156 00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:47,648 -I said they were believable? -Like Beliebers. 157 00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:49,783 -I said they were believable. -Yeah. 158 00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,318 -They were. -They were believable. 159 00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:52,753 I believe that they played. 160 00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:54,454 -Absolutely. [ Laughter ] 161 00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:56,657 That's why we booked them tonight, 162 00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:58,959 to see if they really are -- exist. 163 00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,928 -Yeah. If they are believable. 164 00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:02,696 [ Cheers and applause ] -Are they believable? 165 00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,701 But The Bengsons -- they are so good. 166 00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,037 Man, they're so talented, and they're here tonight. 167 00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:12,039 They're going to do a performance from the musical 168 00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,640 "My Joy Is Heavy." 169 00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,943 The Bengsons are here tonight. 170 00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:17,811 [ Cheers and applause ] 171 00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,379 The Bengsons! -Oh! 172 00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,515 -I love them! Hot show. 173 00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:24,384 Guys, it can be hard to say goodbye, 174 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,553 but sometimes you just have to, and there are a few things 175 00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:27,955 I'd like to say goodbye to right now. 176 00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:29,623 It's time for "Go On, Git!" 177 00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,659 -♪ Go on, git ♪ 178 00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,494 ♪ Go on, git ♪ 179 00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:38,866 ♪ Go on, go on, go on, git ♪ 180 00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:44,505 [ Laughter ] 181 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,707 -Wow. 182 00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:48,208 It's like I'm watching Broadway. 183 00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,544 [ Laughter ] 184 00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:57,584 ♪♪ 185 00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,520 -Go on, git, 186 00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:03,290 restaurants that bring the credit-card reader to the table. 187 00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:06,360 Sure, it saves time, but I can't take the pressure. 188 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,595 The waiter's watching me. My friends are watching me. 189 00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,931 I'll frantically tap whatever button ends 190 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,266 this moment the fastest. 191 00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,034 80% tip? Sure. 192 00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,003 Just get this weird Game Boy away from me. 193 00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:18,505 Bring me my doggy bag of fettuccine Alfredo 194 00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:19,840 and go on, git. 195 00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,209 [ Cheers and applause ] 196 00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:32,219 ♪♪ 197 00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:33,654 You want me to read what I just typed? 198 00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:37,558 -Please. -Go on, git, pineapples! 199 00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:40,661 You don't smell like pine and you don't taste like apple. 200 00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,296 You done got me good there. 201 00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:44,498 For a second, I thought you were a pine apple. 202 00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:46,133 But you ain't nothing 203 00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,935 but a prickly football with wacky hair. 204 00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:50,637 Now go on, git, until your name is not a lie. 205 00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,773 And I'm looking at you too, horseradish. 206 00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:56,043 [ Cheers and applause ] 207 00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:58,445 -[ Mimicking wind gusting ] 208 00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:00,747 Wow. 209 00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:04,818 ♪♪ 210 00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,286 -Go on, git! 211 00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:11,291 [ Laughter ] 212 00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:16,163 Go on, git, giant ice cubes for whiskey glasses. 213 00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:18,966 I'm sorry. All I want to do is sip some bourbon, 214 00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:22,836 not suck on a clear Rubik's cube all night long. 215 00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,872 Just go to brookstone.com 216 00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:27,541 and buy me some whiskey stones shaped like Easter Island heads 217 00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:30,544 so I can drink like a real man and then git. 218 00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:32,546 [ Cheers and applause ] 219 00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:37,384 ♪♪ 220 00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:38,485 [ Spits ] [ Tink! ] 221 00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:41,355 [ Spits ] [ Tink! ] 222 00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:44,658 [ Spits ] [ Tink! ] 223 00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:50,063 Watch out for that tumbleweed. 224 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,102 [ Spits ] 225 00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:59,907 [ Tink! ] [ Cheers and applause ] 226 00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,375 No, no, no, no, no! 227 00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:03,043 [ Laughter ] 228 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:08,015 ♪♪ 229 00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:13,086 Go on, git, SMEG appliances. 230 00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:16,456 Seriously, what kind of disgusting name is SMEG? 231 00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:17,991 I don't want anything in the kitchen 232 00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,593 that sounds like something 233 00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:20,928 I might have contracted on spring break. 234 00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:23,297 Now git! Git! 235 00:09:23,297 --> 00:09:24,998 [ Cheers and applause ] 236 00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:32,472 ♪♪ 237 00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:35,175 Go on, git, new sneakers 238 00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:39,546 where the laces are all pre-laced weird. 239 00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:41,949 Everything's going straight across with one long, 240 00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:43,217 weird lace down in the middle. 241 00:09:43,217 --> 00:09:44,251 And where are the ends? 242 00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,019 In some sixth dimension 243 00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:48,222 that only exists in the back of a Foot Locker? 244 00:09:48,222 --> 00:09:50,190 I came here to get some new kicks, 245 00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,926 not stare at some shoelace version of the Magic Eye poster. 246 00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,194 Now go on, git. 247 00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,929 [ Cheers and applause ] 248 00:09:55,929 --> 00:10:04,438 ♪♪ 249 00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,440 [ Audience groans ] 250 00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,675 -Oh! -Go on, git! 251 00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:11,678 ♪♪ 252 00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:17,317 [ Laughter ] 253 00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:18,986 Ever wish you didn't do something? 254 00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:21,421 [ Laughter ] 255 00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:24,791 -You got water in there? -I don't want to swallow it 256 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,994 in case of needles. -Yeah. Come on. 257 00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:29,563 Git! Git, straw in my mouth. 258 00:10:29,563 --> 00:10:31,632 [ Laughter ] 259 00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:35,335 -Go on, git, refried beans. 260 00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,804 Why don't you just call yourself what you actually are? 261 00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,473 Brown mashed potatoes. 262 00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:41,675 What the heck do you mean, refried? 263 00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:44,778 We both know you've never been fried to begin with, 264 00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,980 and you sure as heck weren't fried again. 265 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,583 Now, let me get a spoonful of that lumpy, muddy slop 266 00:10:49,583 --> 00:10:52,286 so I can help you go on, git. 267 00:10:52,286 --> 00:10:54,221 [ Cheers and applause ] 268 00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:56,323 Well, hard to see them go, 269 00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:58,325 but I'm glad I got that out of my system. 270 00:10:58,325 --> 00:10:59,593 Stick around. 271 00:10:59,593 --> 00:11:01,628 We'll be right back with more "Tonight Show." 18457

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