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1
00:00:01,468 --> 00:00:02,903
-Welcome, welcome,
welcome to "The Tonight Show."
2
00:00:02,903 --> 00:00:04,938
This is it. Welcome to the show.
3
00:00:04,938 --> 00:00:07,808
[ Cheers and applause ]
4
00:00:07,808 --> 00:00:11,378
Well, guys, today President
Trump launched a new mobile app
5
00:00:11,378 --> 00:00:13,514
for people to receive
news, updates,
6
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,750
briefings, and alerts
directly from the White House.
7
00:00:16,750 --> 00:00:19,119
Yeah. And these days,
when you hear the phrase
8
00:00:19,119 --> 00:00:20,454
"President Trump launched,"
9
00:00:20,454 --> 00:00:21,855
a new app is the best-case
scenario.
10
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:23,957
That's -- I like that.
Yeah. That's --
11
00:00:23,957 --> 00:00:26,226
[ Cheers and applause ]
What did he launch? Yeah.
12
00:00:28,228 --> 00:00:30,964
Yeah. You can download it
on the App Store or Google Play
13
00:00:30,964 --> 00:00:33,467
and wherever other
fine propaganda is sold.
14
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:36,570
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
15
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,739
That's right.
16
00:00:38,739 --> 00:00:40,908
And this is fun.
Besides news updates,
17
00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:42,876
you can also swipe right
or left on countries
18
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,412
Trump might invade next.
[ Laughter ]
19
00:00:45,412 --> 00:00:48,715
[ as Trump ]
Congrats, we matched on Cuba.
20
00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,617
[ Normal voice ] Well, a lot of
people are talking about this.
21
00:00:50,617 --> 00:00:52,186
Trump is adding his own
signature
22
00:00:52,186 --> 00:00:54,388
to all new U.S. currency.
23
00:00:54,388 --> 00:00:55,756
[ Audience booing ]
24
00:00:55,756 --> 00:00:58,025
That's right.
He's the first sitting president
25
00:00:58,025 --> 00:01:00,093
to put his own name
on every bill.
26
00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:02,596
I guess he's excited.
Look at this video he put out.
27
00:01:02,596 --> 00:01:04,331
-This is President Trump
28
00:01:04,331 --> 00:01:06,767
and I can't wait
to see my name on every U.S.
29
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:09,136
bill, right alongside some
of our nation's
30
00:01:09,136 --> 00:01:10,871
most prominent figures,
31
00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:13,507
people like the Quaker Oats guy,
32
00:01:13,507 --> 00:01:15,475
Dame Judi Dench,
33
00:01:15,475 --> 00:01:17,744
Lurch from "The Addams Family,"
34
00:01:17,744 --> 00:01:19,446
Glen Powell,
35
00:01:19,446 --> 00:01:20,814
Beethoven,
36
00:01:20,814 --> 00:01:22,449
Al from "Home Improvement,"
37
00:01:22,449 --> 00:01:25,285
and of course, the pigeon lady
from "Home Alone 2."
38
00:01:25,285 --> 00:01:26,620
I was in that.
39
00:01:26,620 --> 00:01:28,188
[ Cheers and applause ]
40
00:01:28,188 --> 00:01:30,657
-He's honored. He's honored to
be with all those.
41
00:01:30,657 --> 00:01:31,892
-Very honored.
42
00:01:31,892 --> 00:01:34,061
What a roll call.
-Yeah.
43
00:01:34,061 --> 00:01:35,329
[ Applause ]
44
00:01:35,329 --> 00:01:36,597
Well, some business news --
45
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,298
I saw
that Netflix just announced
46
00:01:38,298 --> 00:01:40,434
that they're
once again raising prices.
47
00:01:40,434 --> 00:01:42,569
[ Audience booing ]
48
00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:44,204
And they explained the decision
with a commercial.
49
00:01:44,204 --> 00:01:45,372
Take a look at this.
50
00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:47,241
-At Netflix,
we strive to deliver
51
00:01:47,241 --> 00:01:49,376
the best content for you
and your whole family,
52
00:01:49,376 --> 00:01:50,944
and to ensure we can keep
doing that,
53
00:01:50,944 --> 00:01:52,412
we're raising our monthly price.
54
00:01:52,412 --> 00:01:55,115
Thanks for understanding.
Netflix.
55
00:01:55,115 --> 00:01:56,650
[ Laughter ]
56
00:01:56,650 --> 00:02:00,587
-I got that. It's nice. Yeah.
In other news --
57
00:02:00,587 --> 00:02:01,922
What's that? Hold on. Sorry.
58
00:02:01,922 --> 00:02:03,490
I'm getting
from the control room.
59
00:02:03,490 --> 00:02:05,392
They're saying there's
another message from Netflix.
60
00:02:05,392 --> 00:02:07,060
-Wow.
-Yeah, let's roll that.
61
00:02:07,060 --> 00:02:09,029
-At Netflix, we value honesty,
62
00:02:09,029 --> 00:02:10,898
which is
why we're letting you know
63
00:02:10,898 --> 00:02:12,833
that we're once again raising
our monthly price.
64
00:02:12,833 --> 00:02:15,035
Thanks again. Netflix.
65
00:02:15,035 --> 00:02:17,137
[ Laughter ]
-Again? Already?
66
00:02:17,137 --> 00:02:18,972
-Twice.
-Alright. Well...
67
00:02:18,972 --> 00:02:21,775
[ Applause ]
Yeah, sure. Clap.
68
00:02:21,775 --> 00:02:24,745
We're happy now. Anyway.
Well, hopefully that's it.
69
00:02:24,745 --> 00:02:27,514
No more price hikes.
Anyway, I read that --
70
00:02:27,514 --> 00:02:29,616
-It's another price hike, bitch!
71
00:02:29,616 --> 00:02:35,189
Netflix rates are going up again
and you can't stop us!
72
00:02:35,189 --> 00:02:36,590
-Do you like "Bridgerton"?
73
00:02:36,590 --> 00:02:38,892
-Good 'cause you're about
to get [bleep]
74
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:41,662
Open up that wallet,
you streaming simp!
75
00:02:41,662 --> 00:02:44,364
Prices are going up faster than
gas!
76
00:02:44,364 --> 00:02:46,066
-Strait of Hormuz.
-Ding dong!
77
00:02:46,066 --> 00:02:48,702
Is it cake?
No, it's another price hike!
78
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:51,705
Pay up or we'll send you
into a real-life squid game!
79
00:02:51,705 --> 00:02:54,174
What are you gonna do?!
Watch Paramount+?!
80
00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,375
And you know what else?!
81
00:02:55,375 --> 00:02:58,312
We're making the "tudum" sound
even louder!
82
00:02:58,312 --> 00:03:00,380
Tudum! Netflix!
83
00:03:00,380 --> 00:03:02,216
[ Goat screaming ]
84
00:03:02,216 --> 00:03:06,153
-Wow. Wow!
That's a bit extreme.
85
00:03:06,153 --> 00:03:09,389
-I can't believe that.
[ Applause ]
86
00:03:09,389 --> 00:03:11,258
-And finally,
here's some good news.
87
00:03:11,258 --> 00:03:13,393
Airports around the country
are returning to normal
88
00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:15,262
after Trump signed
an emergency order
89
00:03:15,262 --> 00:03:17,764
to start paying
TSA agents again.
90
00:03:17,764 --> 00:03:21,335
[ Cheers and applause ]
91
00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:25,405
And this is fun.
TSA agents celebrated
92
00:03:25,405 --> 00:03:27,641
by drinking 3.4 ounces of
champagne.
93
00:03:27,641 --> 00:03:29,276
There we go.
We have a great show.
94
00:03:29,276 --> 00:03:31,144
Give it up for The Roots,
everybody.
95
00:03:31,144 --> 00:03:34,781
-♪ You're now intuned to the
sound of the R to the double O ♪
96
00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:38,085
♪ To the T-S and I stretch
limit to this profession ♪
97
00:03:38,085 --> 00:03:40,487
♪ Voice physically fit,
tracks I'm bench-pressing, yo ♪
98
00:03:40,487 --> 00:03:42,055
-Oh, my goodness.
99
00:03:42,055 --> 00:03:43,657
Thank you very much, everybody.
100
00:03:43,657 --> 00:03:45,359
Enjoy yourself.
Welcome to the show.
101
00:03:45,359 --> 00:03:46,960
Hey, be sure to tune
in all week long.
102
00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:48,562
We have some great shows
coming up.
103
00:03:48,562 --> 00:03:49,796
Cameron Diaz will be
here this week.
104
00:03:49,796 --> 00:03:52,833
-Oh!
-We love Cami D.
105
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,636
Zendaya and Robert Pattinson
will be joining us.
106
00:03:55,636 --> 00:03:57,104
[ Cheers and applause ]
107
00:03:57,104 --> 00:03:59,806
And on Thursday
our guest will be Jack Black!
108
00:03:59,806 --> 00:04:00,807
-Yeah!
-Come on!
109
00:04:00,807 --> 00:04:03,277
[ Cheers and applause ]
110
00:04:03,277 --> 00:04:04,945
But first, what
a show we have for you tonight.
111
00:04:04,945 --> 00:04:06,914
He's an Emmy-winning actor
112
00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:10,250
who stars in the Apple TV series
"Your Friends & Neighbors."
113
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:12,452
Season 2 premieres this Friday.
114
00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:14,388
Jon Hamm is here tonight!
-Oh!
115
00:04:14,388 --> 00:04:15,689
[ Cheers and applause ]
116
00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:19,193
Come on!
-The best.
117
00:04:19,193 --> 00:04:21,995
That show's great too.
He's fantastic in it.
118
00:04:21,995 --> 00:04:24,131
Also, you could see him in
the popular series "The Boys,"
119
00:04:24,131 --> 00:04:25,399
which I love.
120
00:04:25,399 --> 00:04:27,100
It returns for its fifth
121
00:04:27,100 --> 00:04:29,336
and final season April 8th
on Prime Video.
122
00:04:29,336 --> 00:04:31,572
Jack Quaid is joining us.
123
00:04:31,572 --> 00:04:35,008
[ Cheers and applause ]
124
00:04:35,008 --> 00:04:37,311
He's fantastic.
125
00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:41,648
And then our musical guests
tonight are fantastic.
126
00:04:41,648 --> 00:04:43,517
What do these people have
in common?
127
00:04:43,517 --> 00:04:45,686
Andrew Lloyd Webber.
-Okay.
128
00:04:45,686 --> 00:04:48,155
-Michael Crawford.
129
00:04:48,155 --> 00:04:50,257
Bernadette Peters.
-Yeah.
130
00:04:50,257 --> 00:04:52,326
-Joel Grey.
-Ooh.
131
00:04:52,326 --> 00:04:54,428
-Lin-Manuel Miranda.
-Ooh!
132
00:04:54,428 --> 00:04:56,964
-Me.
[ Laughter ]
133
00:04:56,964 --> 00:04:58,832
You know what I'm saying?
-No.
134
00:04:58,832 --> 00:05:01,268
-We're all famous and
known for our work on Broadway.
135
00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:02,636
-Oh, of course. Broadway. Yes.
136
00:05:02,636 --> 00:05:04,404
That's the first thing
to come to mind.
137
00:05:04,404 --> 00:05:06,807
-Last year I did -- Thank you.
138
00:05:06,807 --> 00:05:09,576
I did seven days on Broadway.
139
00:05:09,576 --> 00:05:10,978
Thank --
[ Cheers and applause ]
140
00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:12,980
Thank you.
141
00:05:12,980 --> 00:05:14,314
So nice of you.
142
00:05:15,883 --> 00:05:17,317
It feels like you really mean
that.
143
00:05:17,317 --> 00:05:19,386
-Oh.
[ Laughter ]
144
00:05:19,386 --> 00:05:22,055
-Seven days, probably over
10 performances maybe.
145
00:05:22,055 --> 00:05:24,625
-Yeah, that's a lot.
-Thank you.
146
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:26,393
And I was in a play
called "All In,"
147
00:05:26,393 --> 00:05:27,794
and it was written
by Simon Rich.
148
00:05:27,794 --> 00:05:29,596
And it had -- Aidy Bryant was
in it,
149
00:05:29,596 --> 00:05:32,199
Nick Kroll,
Lin-Manuel Miranda and I,
150
00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:34,001
and the band was The Bengsons.
151
00:05:34,001 --> 00:05:37,905
And they were unbelievable.
They -- Believable.
152
00:05:37,905 --> 00:05:40,641
Believable. What did I say?
-Unbelievable.
153
00:05:40,641 --> 00:05:42,709
-What did I say?
-They were unbelievable.
154
00:05:42,709 --> 00:05:45,212
-But what did I say?
Unbelieva--
155
00:05:45,212 --> 00:05:46,446
-Believable.
156
00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:47,648
-I said they were believable?
-Like Beliebers.
157
00:05:47,648 --> 00:05:49,783
-I said they were believable.
-Yeah.
158
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,318
-They were.
-They were believable.
159
00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:52,753
I believe that they played.
160
00:05:52,753 --> 00:05:54,454
-Absolutely.
[ Laughter ]
161
00:05:54,454 --> 00:05:56,657
That's why we booked them
tonight,
162
00:05:56,657 --> 00:05:58,959
to see if they really are --
exist.
163
00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:00,928
-Yeah. If they are believable.
164
00:06:00,928 --> 00:06:02,696
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Are they believable?
165
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:07,701
But The Bengsons --
they are so good.
166
00:06:07,701 --> 00:06:10,037
Man, they're so talented,
and they're here tonight.
167
00:06:10,037 --> 00:06:12,039
They're going to do
a performance from the musical
168
00:06:12,039 --> 00:06:13,640
"My Joy Is Heavy."
169
00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,943
The Bengsons are here tonight.
170
00:06:15,943 --> 00:06:17,811
[ Cheers and applause ]
171
00:06:17,811 --> 00:06:19,379
The Bengsons!
-Oh!
172
00:06:19,379 --> 00:06:21,515
-I love them! Hot show.
173
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:24,384
Guys, it can be hard to say
goodbye,
174
00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,553
but sometimes you just have to,
and there are a few things
175
00:06:26,553 --> 00:06:27,955
I'd like to say goodbye to
right now.
176
00:06:27,955 --> 00:06:29,623
It's time for "Go On, Git!"
177
00:06:30,891 --> 00:06:32,659
-♪ Go on, git ♪
178
00:06:32,659 --> 00:06:34,494
♪ Go on, git ♪
179
00:06:34,494 --> 00:06:38,866
♪ Go on, go on, go on, git ♪
180
00:06:40,968 --> 00:06:44,505
[ Laughter ]
181
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:46,707
-Wow.
182
00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:48,208
It's like I'm watching Broadway.
183
00:06:48,208 --> 00:06:50,544
[ Laughter ]
184
00:06:50,544 --> 00:06:57,584
♪♪
185
00:06:57,584 --> 00:06:59,520
-Go on, git,
186
00:06:59,520 --> 00:07:03,290
restaurants that bring the
credit-card reader to the table.
187
00:07:03,290 --> 00:07:06,360
Sure, it saves time,
but I can't take the pressure.
188
00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,595
The waiter's watching me.
My friends are watching me.
189
00:07:08,595 --> 00:07:10,931
I'll frantically tap
whatever button ends
190
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:12,266
this moment the fastest.
191
00:07:12,266 --> 00:07:14,034
80% tip? Sure.
192
00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:16,003
Just get this weird Game Boy
away from me.
193
00:07:16,003 --> 00:07:18,505
Bring me my doggy bag
of fettuccine Alfredo
194
00:07:18,505 --> 00:07:19,840
and go on, git.
195
00:07:19,840 --> 00:07:22,209
[ Cheers and applause ]
196
00:07:22,209 --> 00:07:32,219
♪♪
197
00:07:32,219 --> 00:07:33,654
You want me to read
what I just typed?
198
00:07:33,654 --> 00:07:37,558
-Please.
-Go on, git, pineapples!
199
00:07:37,558 --> 00:07:40,661
You don't smell like pine
and you don't taste like apple.
200
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,296
You done got me good there.
201
00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:44,498
For a second,
I thought you were a pine apple.
202
00:07:44,498 --> 00:07:46,133
But you ain't nothing
203
00:07:46,133 --> 00:07:47,935
but a prickly football
with wacky hair.
204
00:07:47,935 --> 00:07:50,637
Now go on, git,
until your name is not a lie.
205
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:52,773
And I'm looking at you
too, horseradish.
206
00:07:52,773 --> 00:07:56,043
[ Cheers and applause ]
207
00:07:56,043 --> 00:07:58,445
-[ Mimicking wind gusting ]
208
00:07:59,613 --> 00:08:00,747
Wow.
209
00:08:00,747 --> 00:08:04,818
♪♪
210
00:08:04,818 --> 00:08:06,286
-Go on, git!
211
00:08:08,522 --> 00:08:11,291
[ Laughter ]
212
00:08:11,291 --> 00:08:16,163
Go on, git, giant
ice cubes for whiskey glasses.
213
00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:18,966
I'm sorry. All I want to do
is sip some bourbon,
214
00:08:18,966 --> 00:08:22,836
not suck on a clear Rubik's cube
all night long.
215
00:08:22,836 --> 00:08:24,872
Just go to brookstone.com
216
00:08:24,872 --> 00:08:27,541
and buy me some whiskey stones
shaped like Easter Island heads
217
00:08:27,541 --> 00:08:30,544
so I can drink like a real man
and then git.
218
00:08:30,544 --> 00:08:32,546
[ Cheers and applause ]
219
00:08:32,546 --> 00:08:37,384
♪♪
220
00:08:37,384 --> 00:08:38,485
[ Spits ]
[ Tink! ]
221
00:08:40,053 --> 00:08:41,355
[ Spits ]
[ Tink! ]
222
00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:44,658
[ Spits ]
[ Tink! ]
223
00:08:48,362 --> 00:08:50,063
Watch out for that tumbleweed.
224
00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:55,102
[ Spits ]
225
00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:59,907
[ Tink! ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
226
00:08:59,907 --> 00:09:01,375
No, no, no, no, no!
227
00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:03,043
[ Laughter ]
228
00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:08,015
♪♪
229
00:09:08,015 --> 00:09:13,086
Go on, git, SMEG appliances.
230
00:09:13,086 --> 00:09:16,456
Seriously, what kind of
disgusting name is SMEG?
231
00:09:16,456 --> 00:09:17,991
I don't want anything
in the kitchen
232
00:09:17,991 --> 00:09:19,593
that sounds like something
233
00:09:19,593 --> 00:09:20,928
I might have contracted
on spring break.
234
00:09:20,928 --> 00:09:23,297
Now git! Git!
235
00:09:23,297 --> 00:09:24,998
[ Cheers and applause ]
236
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:32,472
♪♪
237
00:09:32,472 --> 00:09:35,175
Go on, git, new sneakers
238
00:09:35,175 --> 00:09:39,546
where the laces are
all pre-laced weird.
239
00:09:39,546 --> 00:09:41,949
Everything's going
straight across with one long,
240
00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:43,217
weird lace down in the middle.
241
00:09:43,217 --> 00:09:44,251
And where are the ends?
242
00:09:44,251 --> 00:09:46,019
In some sixth dimension
243
00:09:46,019 --> 00:09:48,222
that only exists
in the back of a Foot Locker?
244
00:09:48,222 --> 00:09:50,190
I came here to get
some new kicks,
245
00:09:50,190 --> 00:09:52,926
not stare at some shoelace
version of the Magic Eye poster.
246
00:09:52,926 --> 00:09:54,194
Now go on, git.
247
00:09:54,194 --> 00:09:55,929
[ Cheers and applause ]
248
00:09:55,929 --> 00:10:04,438
♪♪
249
00:10:04,438 --> 00:10:06,440
[ Audience groans ]
250
00:10:06,440 --> 00:10:08,675
-Oh!
-Go on, git!
251
00:10:08,675 --> 00:10:11,678
♪♪
252
00:10:11,678 --> 00:10:17,317
[ Laughter ]
253
00:10:17,317 --> 00:10:18,986
Ever wish you didn't do
something?
254
00:10:18,986 --> 00:10:21,421
[ Laughter ]
255
00:10:21,421 --> 00:10:24,791
-You got water in there?
-I don't want to swallow it
256
00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:26,994
in case of needles.
-Yeah. Come on.
257
00:10:26,994 --> 00:10:29,563
Git! Git, straw in my mouth.
258
00:10:29,563 --> 00:10:31,632
[ Laughter ]
259
00:10:31,632 --> 00:10:35,335
-Go on, git, refried beans.
260
00:10:35,335 --> 00:10:37,804
Why don't you just call
yourself what you actually are?
261
00:10:37,804 --> 00:10:39,473
Brown mashed potatoes.
262
00:10:39,473 --> 00:10:41,675
What the heck do you mean,
refried?
263
00:10:41,675 --> 00:10:44,778
We both know you've
never been fried to begin with,
264
00:10:44,778 --> 00:10:46,980
and you sure as heck
weren't fried again.
265
00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:49,583
Now, let me get a spoonful
of that lumpy, muddy slop
266
00:10:49,583 --> 00:10:52,286
so I can help you go on, git.
267
00:10:52,286 --> 00:10:54,221
[ Cheers and applause ]
268
00:10:54,221 --> 00:10:56,323
Well, hard to see them go,
269
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:58,325
but I'm glad I got that
out of my system.
270
00:10:58,325 --> 00:10:59,593
Stick around.
271
00:10:59,593 --> 00:11:01,628
We'll be right back
with more "Tonight Show."
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