Original subtitles

- You want breakfast?

- I'm good.

- You want to watch me eat breakfast?

- Gotta work!

- He turns the side step out of myself.

The puck comes up to Warner. Casey stops him.

But not Mike Gartner. It's 1-nothing, Toronto.

...of all out there.

He's proven NHL talent but not scoring like the Leafs need...

- So, I know we have a lot to cover,

but I thought we should start with our tax strategy.

Now, I'm sure you heard it from the Americans,

but let me assure you, we also know how to

cheat on our taxes here in Canada. Okay?

- Okay. Mr. "Ball-silly"?

- Balsillie.

Which field were you hoping to work in?

Sir?

- Tech, finance, manufacturing.

- Okay.

And what did you do at Sutherland Schulz?

- Executive Vice President. - Great.

Executive Vice President.

That's great.

And where do you see yourself in 10 years?

- Owning an NHL team.

Really?

- Bald bitch.

- It's called a BlackBerry.

It sends and receives e-mail messages.

It is also a cellphone.

- ♪ In many ways, they'll miss the good old days ♪

♪ Someday, someday ♪

♪ Yeah, it hurts to say, but I want you to stay ♪

♪ Sometimes, sometimes ♪

♪ When we was young, oh, man, did we have fun ♪

♪ Always, always ♪

♪ Promises, they break before they're made ♪

♪ Sometimes, sometimes ♪

- Morning, Mr. Balsillie.

- ♪ Oh, Maya says I'm lacking in depth ♪

♪ I will do my best ♪

♪ You say you want to stand by my side ♪

- Good morning, Mr. Balsillie. - Good morning, Mr. Balsillie.

- Mike's here before me?

- He didn't leave last night.

You are mentioned on page nine.

Carl Yankowski from Palm Pilot keeps calling.

- Yeah, well, tell him if he wants to talk to me,

he can come to Waterloo. - That's what I said.

Ted Rogers wants to have lunch in the city. He booked Canoe.

- No, no, I'm not... I'm not going to fucking Toronto

unless there's a game.

Oh, and call Gary Bettman's office about those Leaf tickets.

Fucker tried to stick me in the third row.

- "Fucker, third row." Got it.

- Alright, try 114 and 114.

- Okay. Go for 114.

- Okay. Sending.

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

- Boys!

Done! Done! Yes! Yes! Come on.

- Hey. Hey, Jim.

Yeah, we, uh, we built a messenger,

fully encrypted two-way messaging

that is absolutely inaccessible by anyone,

including us.

It is... It is untrackable, untraceable,

unhackable.

- It's texting.

- Uh, so... so, no.

Do you know how much it costs to send a text message?

- Yeah, 10 cents, and the network gets every penny.

We're never gonna see that money.

- Right, but these texts are sent via data.

So, behind the network's back. Which means...?

- Unlimited free texting, only on BlackBerry.

Fuck yes!

- Hey!

- Fuck yes!

- I sent a message that Alexander Graham Bell

said to his assistant, "Watson, come here."

That's what I... - Alright, let's just...

Let's just... - Yeah, yeah.

- ♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Come on, yeah ♪

What the hell are you guys doing?!

- ♪ As I said, the story goes ♪

- Sorry. Who are you?

- You said if I wanted to talk, I had to come to Waterloo.

So, here I am.

- Gentlemen...

meet Carl Yankowski of Palm Pilot.

- Oh, really?

Doug.

- How are you doing?

- So, I just said three words... two-liter bottle.

And you know what they said?

They said

"Carl, nobody drinks two liters of Mountain Dew."

I mean, they didn't see what I saw.

Large pizza, big soda, complete dinner.

We sold a billion liters in a month!

You playing with yourself under there, Mikey?

Ahh. What's the situation with you two?

- How do you mean? - You own a plane?

- Yeah. - We rent one.

- I see. Renters.

Okay, so first piece of advice...

When you're a licensed pilot,

you can take off whenever you want.

I save 1,000 hours a year with that.

You know who turned me on to that? John Travolta.

- Sorry. Is this advice to buy a plane

or to hire you as a pilot?

- Do you work out, Jim? - Yeah.

- Tell me something. Why is it every other person

I see in the gym is either really short or really bald?

- Oh, thank you. - Enjoy.

- Thank you very much.

Thanks. - I'm good. Thanks.

- Are you sure? - Yeah. Thank you.

Alright, let's clear the air here.

I had nothing to do with US Robotics

trying to bankrupt you back in '96.

Defective modems, working modems.

Were they defective?

No, it was 100 years ago. Who's to say?

- Me.

- That's right, Michael.

The genius and the salesman.

There's just one little problem.

You guys have no idea how to run a company.

Everything in engineering has to go through you.

Everything in sales has to go through you.

You've got no middle management.

I mean, who's cracking the whip?

Who's running things while you're here?

- Doug. - Don't.

- On top of that,

you're still building everything in North America.

I mean, you're just burning money.

In China, they sell circuit boards by the pound.

- They do what?

- Exactly.

Here's what we do.

Combine BlackBerry and Palm Pilot,

one product.

It's the two liter bottle of smartphones.

- Would I still have complete control over every aspect

of engineering and design?

- No.

- Okay, well, then that's gonna...

We won't be able to move ahead with this, I'm sorry.

Sorry.

- You guys love saying sorry, don't you?

Okay, let's see what you closed at.

$4.50.

Oh, God. Is that Canadian?

US Robotics...

Huh, $83.

Now, that gives us a market cap about $45 billion.

So what would happen if I just...

I don't know, bought up all your shares?

And what's the word for that again, sport?

Hostile takeover.

- Hostile take... What the fuck?

What is happening?

- We would just say... We could just say no.

We ow... We own the company.

- You know, Carl,

you've got a deal. - Yeah?

- Yeah.

Just give us a couple of months to get our people

taken care of and then we'll, uh,

we'll agree to a private sale.

- Wait, just... - Mike, it's okay.

It's okay. It's better to get rich now

than to fight this guy in court for the next five years.

- That's right. - You know, I like you.

Jim, what do you say I take you up in a 747?

You can sit right next to me in the cockpit.

- How about the day we close?

Deal!

- You like hockey?

- God, no. It's moronic.

You?

- Hate it.

- What the fuck was that, Jim? - Shh! Quiet!

- Seriously, it doesn't... - Shut the fuck up, Mike.

- You need a stylus pen to type, its modem needs an antenna.

If we sell to that man...

- Listen to me. We're not selling shit.

Alright? We're buying time.

- To do what?

Get in.

- ...for the Leafs coaching staff...

- We were still talking.

- Sorry.

- Best part.

- I have come here to chew bubble gum and kick ass.

And I'm all out of bubble gum.

- Oh, they based Duke Nukem on this guy.

Like, that is Duke Nukem for real.

- Okay. Party's over.

- Has a shotgun. White male, 30.

- What? - Listen up.

Turn that thing off, please.

- Wait... - Can you... can you...

- Turn it off.

- Al, can you slide it?

- Yeah. - You guys havin' fun?

'Cause we're about to lose our fucking company.

- What the hell happened at this lunch?

- Turn that fucking thing off!

Okay?

Yeah, Doug?

- So, my question is actually for Mike.

How are we supposed to sell another 500,000 phones

when we are already maxed on every network we are on?

- You guys will figure it out. - H-how?

If we put more phones on these networks,

they're going to crash, period.

We are not allowed to sell more phones. Mike?

- No, you don't worry about what's allowed.

I say what's allowed.

- I don't even understand what the problem is here.

Who cares if this guy wants to buy our company?

Isn't that good? - I fucking care!

That's who cares! I care!

I'm trying to keep this company together, you fuck!

- I'm sorry, do you even know what a network limit load is?

- Doug...

- Talk to me outside for a second.

- What?

- What's a network limit load?

- This is impossible. - What are we supposed to

fucking do, Mike? Either we jack our stock

to the moon or Yankowski fucks us!

- Well, Doug is right.

Unless the carriers rebuild their entire networks,

there's nothing we can do, the phones use too much data.

- Well, then, fucking shrink it.

- Yeah, okay. Um...

We... We looked into that.

- These guys can't do it.

- What do you mean they can't do it?

You said they were the best engineers in the world.

- I said they're the best engineers in Canada.

Well, okay. Alright.

Who could do it?

- Maybe top guys from Motorola or Microsoft or Google.

- Okay.

- Wait, what? What? What?

What are you doing? - Who else? Where else?

- John Carmack.

Get John Carmack from I.D.

Did you guys hear me?

The guy who made "Doom."

- What's "Doom"?

- Have you played "Wolfenstein"?

Please just don't sell anymore phones.

- Can you hear me? - Yes! Yes!

- Oh, shit.

Hey.

- They're going for the record volleys.

51, 52, 53, four, five.

- Counting. - 7, 58, 59, 60, 1, 2.

- No way. No, for the record.

- No, no. You gotta start. You gotta start again.

- Yo, yo, yo, guys. Wrong floor.

- Hey.

You. Hey, wrong floor. It's not the warehouse.

- Yo. What? - Look behind you, dude.

Look at this. - You count that.

Hey, hey, hey. Wrong floor.

No, no, no.

This is the sales floor, my man. - Excuse me.

Hey, man, you're on the wrong floor, you guys.

What the fuck is this?

- There's more coming.

There's a whole other fucking skid here.

- What the fuck?

- Alright. Listen up, you deadeye dumb fucks.

Sorry to cut your little vacation short here,

but we got some product to move.

- Product? Can we move? - I'm sorry. What's that?

Say it again. - Well, I thought the engineers

said that we maxed out the networks.

- Yeah, they did, yeah, and that's their fucking problem.

Okay? Your problem is you need to sell

a million BlackBerries before Q3.

- Uh... that's... - "Uh. Uh."

I'm not fucking joking.

I want them gone.

Actually talking about banning these.

- Banning? - Nobody pays attention

to meetings anymore, they're crouched over.

- Tell 'em to stop. - Okay.

We call them Crackberrys.

Come work for me.

I can't. - Why?

- Because I'm under contract here.

- How much to break it?

- Excuse me?

- How much money do you want

to break your contract with Google?

I...

- I'll give you $1 million if you sign right now.

- I am not moving to Canada.

We are not having this conversation.

- $2 million. - Stop.

- $3 million. - I need you to leave.

- $10 million.

- Well, you don't have $10 million.

- This is $1 million option deal.

I will backdate that to when RIM was trading at $1.

Merrill just gave us a target of $13.

- Is this legal?

- Carl! - Palm-Berry!

- Yeah. Hey, listen, I can barely hear you, buddy.

- I said Palm-Berry, isn't that great?

- Listen, I'm getting some static on the line.

Can I, uh... can I... can I call you back?

- Jim, I can barely hear you. Jim!

- What... Carl? Okay. I'll call you later.

- Mike? Mike Lazaridis?

- Uh, okay. If Jim fired you, I can't undo it.

I'm sorry. I've tried. - No, no. I just got hired.

It's Paul. - How you doing? Welcome.

Where are you coming from? - Google.

- Nice. What'd you do?

- Was the, uh, head of physical engineering.

- You are not salesmen anymore.

You're male models.

I want you at every country club, yacht club,

tennis club, wherever the elite go, you go.

I want them to see you using it.

Be big. Be loud.

Have them thinking, "Who is this annoying prick,

and how can I be more like him?"

What is that?

- And when they ask you, don't say,

"It's a phone that does e-mail."

It's not a cellphone.

It's a status symbol.

- Anybody else? Anybody else? Alright.

- Hi, I'm calling on behalf of BlackBerry.

I heard that you're interested in buying some of the Quarks

for your corporation.

- It's 7:55. We're back with Fox 5 Consumer News.

A global BlackBerry crisis this morning.

The company says it's experiencing massive

service interruptions.

The company's helpline says that users can expect delays

in sending and receiving messages.

- Yes, yes, we are aware of the problem

and we are... we are sorting it out right now.

- Down over there, Dougie.

- We've been down for this long before.

Are we totally fucked? - Hey! Quiet!

- L-Let's just keep it down out here, guys, for a second.

How many are down?

- Maybe 10,000.

- Oh, Jesus. Okay.

And where's Jim? Is that California there?

- Yeah. - Alright, do me a favor.

Whatever has to happen,

keep Pacific two and four going, okay?

- One sec. - Yeah.

Hey, Alan, why is the entire network

being run off of your laptop?

- It's either this or I shut everything down

while we're debugging.

- Okay. What do you have open here?

- "New Baldur's Gate." Doug set it up on land.

Check this out.

- Movie nine.

- It's all custom. - Movie nine.

- We hacked it. - Okay. Okay.

Okay. Hello?

- You have a collect call from...

- What the fuck is happening?!

- Will you accept the charges?

Are you still there? - Yes, I accept.

- Thank you. - Mike?!

- Hi.

- There are three reasons why people buy our phones.

Do you know what they are? - For e-mail.

- They fucking work! - Yeah. Okay.

It's not us, Jim. It's the carrier.

Verizon is doing something weird.

- Well, I'm about to do something weird

if you don't fix this now!

The deal was I get the engineers,

you shrink the data! - Are you... are you...

Are you selling more phones? - What the hell do you think

I've been doing over here, Mike?!

We're in the middle of a hostile fucking takeover!

Do I need to have somebody babysit you dorks?!

- Okay. Okay. So that's... Okay, uh, yeah.

The entire system is crashing. He's selling more phones.

- Hey, Goddamn it! - Yeah. Yeah. So, okay.

You know, maybe just hold off selling more ph...

- I'm not fu... God!

- Verizon Wireless. How may I direct your call?

- John Woodman, please.

This is Mike Lazaridis calling from Research in Motion.

- Hold please.

- Tell me that you're about to fix this, Mike.

I thought our deal was you don't crash our network.

- Yes, I know. I'm sorry. You're right.

- Yeah, well, so what's happening?

They tell me that you're subscribing 5,000 phones a day.

- Oh, my God. Okay. Yeah. No, that was a mistake.

- What are you talking about, a mistake?

What mistake? I mean, who's in charge there?

- I'm in charge. I'm in charge over here.

Okay, John, do not worry. Okay?

I think if we can just get a bit more bandwidth.

- What bandwidth?

Where's this extra fucking bandwidth coming from?

I've extended you everything that we have got.

- Okay. I can fix this. I can fix this.

- Now, Mike, or I'm taking you off the network.

You have one week.

- You got it. Thank you so much, Jo...

Hello?

- Mr. Lazaridis? - Yeah.

- Dan Sigman from AT&T says you have crashed his network.

- Oh, yeah, I...

- Hey, Jimbo.

This is your buddy Stan Sigman over at AT&T.

Now, I know you're busy, but I'd love to have my network

back when you have a chance. Okay?

All this bullshit about me selling minutes.

How many minutes you costing me here, Jim?

Who's gonna pay for that, huh?

- Okay. Sorry. Is this technically legal?

- Eugene!

- I'm actually in a personal meeting, Charles.

- And I personally don't give a flying fuck.

Engineering can't do a goddamn thing until you send that fax.

Now, take a meeting when the union isn't ripping my guts out.

Do you hear me?

Get it done.

Son of a bitch.

- You said you were located in Waterloo.

- What is that guy's name?

- Yeah. Okay.

Okay. Okay. Hey, everybody. Welcome to Research in Motion.

I know this is a bit disorganized.

I promise we will get everybody settled.

My name is Doug.

This is Mike Lazaridis, inventor of the smartphone.

If anybody cares.

Oh, come on. Take a bow, James.

- I'm not taking a bow. It's okay.

- Wonder boys.

In the meantime, we're having a bit of a network issue.

So put up your hand if you understand

MOBITEX architecture.

Two people.

Okay. That's fine.

You two, you're with Mike.

The rest of you, I don't know what you do,

but follow me, we're taking a tour.

Let's go. It's going to be a little bit

like Sam Rockwell in "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles."

- Can I talk to you for a second?

What is Charles Purdy doing here?

- I'll get the DVD. - What are you talking about?

- The man standing in the hallway

directly over my left shoulder.

- Oh, Jesus. - Listen to me.

That guy will fuck you up.

Do not let that man anywhere near

your engineering department. Trust me.

- Yeah, okay. Yeah. Alright.

- I'm serious.

He will fuck your shit up.

- Can I help you?

- You're Mike, aren't you?

- Yes, I'm Mike. What are you doing here?

- Charles Purdy. I'm your new COO.

- Oh. Jim hired you to be the... Chief...

- I'm here to get this ship under control.

- We are under control.

- Oh, really? Whose?

- Okay, so then let's try something different.

Instead of shrinking the data, maybe we spread it out.

Thank you.

- Well, why not take multiple towers in the same zone

and split the packet between them?

We can put it back together at the server.

- We tried that. Here's the problem.

The towers don't recognize one another.

Each one has no idea which piece of the signal they're receiving.

And the whole process just keeps...

- Maybe we reprogram the towers.

- They're not our towers. We don't control them.

- That's okay. At Naughty Dog, we had to

hack the PlayStation to get "Crash Bandicoot" running.

- Okay, so if each exchange is triangulated,

we could divide the signal three ways.

- We could actually do way, way more.

Every BlackBerry is a server.

- We could divide the signal between every user

in the same grid... - Divide it by thousands.

It'll be like Napster... distributed network

of your own users. - It's got to be in

the terms of service. Hackers would be on it so fast.

- But they encrypt everything server side, right?

Mike? I mean, everything is already encrypted.

- Mike?

Mike.

- You can have my bacon.

- What are they paying you?

- I shouldn't say.

- They're paying me $10 million. - Yeah, me too.

- Hold your banner. Hold it.

And now.

Higher on that side. - Let's get a chair over there.

- Here you go, buddy.

Yes. Come in.

- Mr. Purdy.

Yeah, uh, so...

First of all, sorry about before, but...

most importantly, me and some of the new guys

may have finally solved our data problem.

- Well, you showed me, didn't you?

- Oh. No, I'm not...

I'm not bringing it up like that.

It's... It's... It's, um...

Allan Lewis handles all of our servers.

- And? - Yeah, right, fine. Okay.

And I need him to test this out to make sure everything's okay.

So... So he needs to test this right now,

even if it is movie night back there.

- And what's this fella's name?

- Allan Lewis.

Which one of you is Allan Lewis?

Ah, Michael's had a breakthrough.

Now, I want these tested,

and I want the report on my desk Friday.

- When? Sorry.

- Friday.

- This looks like a whole new relay system.

- Testing this would probably take me a month.

- Well, then you best get started, hadn't you?

- It's bad luck to work on movie night.

- Work on movie night...

- You're all children. Is that it?

- Sorry. Who are you?

- You think this is funny?!

Is it?!

- Didn't want... just wondering, who... who are you?

- I'm Charles Purdy.

From this moment on, you all work for me.

And if that work is not done at a pace that I expect,

you'll be fired.

And I'll keep firing until this room is full of men

and not little boys playing with their little penises.

Now, are there any questions?

- Um...

Where's Doug?

- ♪ This is what we do ♪

♪ Do, do, do ♪

♪ My body is my body ♪

♪ My time is my time ♪

♪ The way that it usually comes out of my mind ♪

- Doug! How's it goin', bro?

- Movie night tonight. Movie night.

- ♪ No time to sit and wait, we do what we do ♪

♪ And what we do can't wait ♪

- ♪ This is what we do ♪

♪ Do, do, do ♪

Movie night. We're doing it right now.

- ♪ That's what we do ♪

♪ Everybody in the posse, everybody in the crew ♪

♪ We get up and then get hyped ♪

♪ You know what time it is when Hammer's on the mic ♪

♪ So move to the hype of the night ♪

♪ The crowd is getting busy and the feeling is right ♪

♪ What's that ♪ - ♪ Body heat on you ♪

- ♪ Pump it up hard ♪

- ♪ This is what we do ♪

♪ This is what we do ♪

♪ This is what we do ♪

- Have you seen this? - No.

- Have you been out there? - No.

- Dude, Jim killed movie night! Actually, what am I saying?

He didn't have the guts to do it himself.

Apparently he got this 300-pound dude

to go in there, start screaming at everybody,

said he was gonna fire Allan.

Mike.

- We do... we do need to get back to work.

- Yeah.

Do you not ever wonder why these guys are willing

to work 80 hours a week,

never see their families,

never get any credit?

- It's because they get to work on

the best phone in the world, Doug.

- That must be it.

- Hello?

- You're making a big mistake, sport.

- Yeah, sorry... - Don't you dare fucking

hang up on me. - I'll call you back.

- Don't hang up on me. Don't you fucking...

- How's everybody doing?

- Jim.

I know this isn't exactly what you want to hear,

but this board feels that

in order to avoid further disruptions,

it's best we end our relationship with BlackBerry.

- John, we're just getting started.

- Jim, I'm serious.

We're willing to take the hit on users

and let them go crash somebody else's fucking network.

It's over.

- No.

What's over is your bullshit limit of 500,000 users.

We quadrupled it. - Okay, Jim...

- Our engineers reprogrammed your towers.

As of right now, Verizon is capable

of carrying two million BlackBerries at the same time,

and we've already sold half of those.

- Bullshit.

- Try me.

- ♪ Hello, operator ♪

♪ Can you give me number nine? ♪

♪ Can I see you later? ♪

♪ Will you give me back my dime ♪

♪ Turn the oscillator ♪

♪ Twist it with the dollar bill ♪

♪ Mail man bring the paper ♪

♪ Leave it on my window sill ♪

- How did you do it, Mike?