Original subtitles

Amanda's pregnant. She's going to dump Dave and move to Singapore.

You need to tell him.

We'll destroy the fucking bitch.

HE GROANS

Jesus...

DISHES CLATTER

What do you mean?

Do you think someone needs to know if their girlfriend's pregnant?

Can I just get, like, a Berocca?

Do you think Dave needs to know she's planning to dump him

and take the kid to Singapore?

What's going on?

What do you mean "What's going on?!"

The bitch is pregnant! What do you think is fucking going on?!

Casual, yeah.

She said it was casual.

Can I just...? Can I just take these?

She had some ex that died

and she said Dave is just a "casual" relationship.

He's your best friend!

OK! Just stop...shouting!

You need to find him at work today and tell him the bitch is using him!

Have you had some of these?

- Ibuprofen? - Yeah.

- I took paracetamol but they haven't touched the sides. - Mm-hm.

STEPHEN EXHALES

Look, I'm working near his office today.

I'll take him a coffee...

..face it head on.

I've had his phone charger in my van for ages, so I'll use that

as an excuse for why I'm there.

- I'll take him one of his posh coffees... - Oh, yeah, nice.

And then we'll have a big chat,

lay it all out, man to man.

I'll tell him she's using him

and he's not actually going to Singapore.

We're mates, it'll be fine.

He needs to know.

So...

..she came out and just told you she was pregnant.

Did you get chance to talk about you?

You?

She wants us to hang out at Matt's wedding.

THEY CHUCKLE QUIETLY

- What, you going to do your hair together? - I hope so, yeah.

STEPHEN LAUGHS

Might do our nails.

Girlie!

Yeah, you'll enjoy that.

Yeah, I'll be hiding in the room.

I think I hate her.

You should've seen her sitting there.

She hogged basically all the food.

Aw, Jesus - shoving it in her mouth with her stupid hands.

I think I actually hate her.

You never used to hate anyone.

# My dreams are up in arms because they say they can't compete with you

# And I stop the day with a little syllable

# Left unfinished

# When you move to kiss me

# Now each word bursts like a volcano

# Cos there's nowhere else for this love to go

# I grabbed a cable and a microphone

# Cos there's nowhere else for this love to go. #

I was just finishing up down the road, got myself a coffee,

thought you could probably do with one.

- It's a bit late, but... - Really?

DAVE CHUCKLES

- You're saying caffeine don't keep you awake? - I'm saying...

You're saying you're the only person in the universe...?

I'm saying I can cope with a coffee at 4:30 pm.

You're hilarious.

That's a good one.

So how's Amanda been?

All good for Singapore?

What are you doing?

What are you doing, mate?

You're all "Singapore, Singapore."

Singapore, Singapore.

Yeah you're all like, "Oh, my God, Singapore."

No, it's hilarious, mate.

You're all like, "Singapore this, Singapore that."

I'm leaving. I'm settling down. Get over it.

What do you keep going on about it for? What...?

What, you jealous?

Yeah, yeah, really jealous.

So she's going round telling me - and I hardly know her -

telling me she's pregnant

and she hasn't told the father.

Amanda.

Rack of lamb.

She ordered champagne and a rack of lamb and made us split the bill.

She applied for a job in Singapore...

ON LAPTOP: OK, I'm back. Sorry about that.

That's OK. We're still here.

Sometimes I wonder which one of us is the owner

and which one of us is the pet.

You good to start the meeting?

Yep.

OK...

Sorry I couldn't make it in this morning...

- DAVE: - Here he is!

HE CHUCKLES HEARTILY

STEPHEN: What are you doing here?

Huh? You following us?

You're the one following me, mate!

THEY LAUGH

- Thank God you're here! - How are you? - Oh, I'm OK.

You ready for a weekend of mayhem?

Every weekend's a weekend of mayhem! You know what I mean?

We're here for the wedding.

We've got a lot of you in today.

Promise not to be too rowdy.

He's your problem.

We're the groomsmen, so it's our duty to get absolutely shitfaced.

Oh, groomsmen. So you didn't make it to best man.

He likes you, but not quite enough.

THEY LAUGH

STEPHEN EXHALES

- You said that the car was empty! - I said the boot was empty.

There's a difference between a car and a boot.

It's so basic.

I mean, seriously, that's, like, so basic.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Are you...? - Yeah. Er, yes. Dave left my laptop in the car.

- Uh-oh. - Ha...

How's Lisa?

Uh, busy.

- Oh, God. - Yeah.

- Congratulations on your promotion. - Thank you.

Yeah. No, uh, Dave mentioned it.

- Headhunted in Singapore. - Yes.

Wow.

- Are you heading out or...? - Yes.

Yeah. Er, chewing gum.

I like to keep a packet on me, but...

..must've fallen out of my pocket.

Yeah, Dave mentioned you're still working through

the practicalities, Singapore.

Yeah, there's a lot to think about.

He's so excited.

About the two of you moving to Singapore.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

He's really excited.

- He's... He's telling everyone. - Mm.

Yeah, no, in his head he's, like...

He's definitely going there.

Which would be great for him.

But I suppose...

..if there's any chance he might not be going there...

- I know what you're doing. - What? What am I doing?

What do you mean, "What are you doing?"

What's all this bullshit about the chewing gum?

You followed me out of my room...

I... I genuinely lost my chewing gum.

Yeah, OK.

Fuck off.

I know that Lisa's told you.

You manipulate her. I can see the sadness in her eyes.

So go and tell Dave I'm going to Singapore without him,

and tell him I'm pregnant. Please!

You'd save me a load of hassle.

Honestly, I wasn't...

Have some fucking bollocks, yeah?

You're all fucking full of yourself, aren't you?

And your jokes, which actually aren't anything any normal person

would find funny, and you fucking stand there

waving your stupid dick around,

but men like you are fucking terrified

of telling the fucking truth!

- He actually said that? - Yep.

DAVE LAUGHS

God, that's so funny.

He said I was excited about moving to Singapore?

When?

Literally just now.

Why would he say that?

I haven't said a thing to him about Singapore.

I promise. Hand on heart. On my dad's life.

Where was it?

It was down the side of the, erm...

The driver's seat. Driver's seat, the side bit.

- Must've fallen out of your pocket. - Mm.

- Is that the best way of doing it? - HE CHUCKLES

You got a better one?

- Probably. - What would you do, just hold them in your hand?

Well, I wouldn't be laying them all out on the table.

- Really? - Yeah.

There's like a hundred of 'em.

Yeah, there's 85.

Well, whatever. It's like...

There's a difference between 85 and 100.

I think even you can work that out.

STEPHEN LAUGHS

- MATT: - These are the favours...

- Great. - Thanks, mate.

- Just need one at each seat. - Great. - Good luck!

Interesting strategy, laying them all out on the table.

What's that?

Interesting strategy.

He's just laying all the names out.

He was going to do them from his hand.

I think you guys just need to get a room!

STEPHEN AND DAVE LAUGH

- Clear the air. - Yeah! Yeah, he'd love that.

Yeah, he should be so lucky.

I'd give him a shock, I tell you!

I'd give HIM a shock. Best night of his life!

- Hey. - Hey, there! Mm, this is nice!

Yeah.

Dave ate all the free biscuits...

I was like, "I'm going to be needing them!"

You go through a lot of biscuits when you're pregnant.

I don't know if you saw my WhatsApps...

No, I was saying just give me a text

when you're done with work, or nearly done, and I'll come over.

I don't mind sitting and waiting, or...

So much to do!

Oh, God...

Yeah, I... I'd better get back to it, actually.

Yeah.

No, yeah.

- I'll see you in a bit, though - See you in a bit.

TV THEME MUSIC PLAYS ON HER PHONE

So shall we just do the favours as we go?

Or at the end, all at once?

Yeah?

I don't mind.

I just remember at our wedding, we...

Oh, well, if you did it at YOUR wedding...

STEPHEN LAUGHS

- Sorry, mate... - No, no, all good.

I just find it funny.

THEY CHUCKLE

- Er, that one? - Yeah.

You know, a wedding's not even like...

It's mad.

I'm not being rude, but I'm just like,

"A wedding? Really?"

Yeah. Not for me.

I just think when you've...

You've had a kid, like I have,

you reach a sort of emotional maturity. Yeah.

You understand, like, depth.

It's like me and Amanda. You know?

What we have is...

Is so profound.

It's frightening. Yeah.

It's bigger than a wedding.

I just... I think you live in this quite shallow world.

But that will change if...

..you ever have the guts to become a dad.

HE CHUCKLES

No offence.

Ha.

I'm so offended!

DAVE CHUCKLES

Look at me - aargh!

I'm so offended.

THEY CHUCKLE

- A wedding's just so beautiful... - Totally.

- ..and meaningful... - Yeah.

And they give you a candle?

You can't just assume everyone has a mantelpiece.

Yes! Oh, my God that's...

Yeah. Weird.

That's exactly what I'd say.

- Is it? - Yeah.

- They... They want to start the rehearsal. - Yeah. Thanks.

Why do they need to rehearse?

Yes! God. Wow. Exactly.

It's just so fucking sanitised.

Yes! I can't stand that. Yeah.

The sanitisation of the, like, the global west.

- MUFFLED: - I'm awake.

We're not having sex.

You've got all the chocolates, yeah?

You've got all the chocolates?

Oh, no! what's happened to your chocolates?

Hello?

Hello?!

Oh, no! Look! Quick! Oh, no!

Who's got all the chocolates now? Eh?!

Hello?!

Any babies?

Erm...

..there's a highchair, but it's over the other side of the room.

Someone'll make us hold it.

STEPHEN LAUGHS

Yeah. Yeah, course they will.

I've had Amanda round.

STEPHEN CHUCKLES

Oh, nice.

Yeah, but she couldn't stay because I'm so busy with work.

Oh...

And you had a day off.

I know, right?

How was Dave?

Er, yeah, all good.

And he has no idea she's pregnant?

Does that mean he does know or he doesn't know?

He doesn't know. Sorry.

So he still thinks he's moving to Singapore?

We should tell him tonight in front of her.

I'd love to see the look on her stupid fucking face.

I'm allowed to hate the bitch.

STEPHEN EXHALES

Lovely.

- MATT: - Here they are!

- Sorry we're late. KATIE: - Hey. How are you?

- How are you, more like? - Yeah...

We've had a bit of a disaster with the flowers.

- Oh, God... - Yeah, so I'm...

Oh! It's just flowers.

It's just flowers.

It's just flowers.

- Getting nervous? - Nervous? Did she say she was nervous?

I was just telling them about the flowers.

I'd be nervous if I was marrying you tomorrow.

Even you... Even you guys would be nervous if you were marrying him.

- Let me get these. - I can get it.

- Are you mad? Come on. - No, I'm just about to order.

Let me buy you a drink.

Why?

Because I want to get my mate a drink!

- They're like, "Why aren't you drinking?" - Yeah.

It's the worst... Literally the worst thing about being pregnant.

Though you do save a lot of money on champagne!

No, no, I just mean we could take these, pop outside,

have a nice little chat.

You want to have a CHAT?

We like having chats.

Keep it decent, boys. Keep it decent.

He wants to have a chat.

You want to have chat? What's to chat about?

He wants to talk about his feelings.

A little chat about his feelings!

- Hey! Good to see you.. - Nice to see you.

You look amazing.

- You're there. - Oh great, thanks.

You've got it all sorted.

Yeah, we're splitting up the couples.

Oh, nice, yeah.

I don't know if you've noticed, but your wife's not here.

You're failing her.

It might be that you don't notice because you're a man

and you don't do empathy...

..but I'd...

I'd like to point out that you maybe perhaps, as her husband,

have a role to play in helping her.

I wonder if you took life a bit more seriously...

I mean, if that's something that you're not incapable of,

you didn't just reduce everything

to your pointless fucking banter.

Have you actually said anything that means anything

or is it all just fucking noise?

- Oh, hey. - Oh here she is!

Where am I sitting?

We are splitting up the couples!

Right here, next to me! We can make a plan for tomorrow!

You OK?

Of course I'm not OK! Why are you asking me if I'm OK?!

In what world would I be OK?!

Take me to Singapore.

This is...

OK.

You're going to meet my dad tomorrow,

I'd love to tell him that we're moving to Singapore.

Take me to Singapore.

Come on. I love you.

What the fuck?

Look at me, I'm crying.

You're not crying.

Thank you.

Cheers, mate.

All right?

- How much? - 15.

Good journey?

Yeah, not bad.

- How are, you mate? - Yeah, yeah. I'm good, Dad, yeah.

- Still here. - Well, that's something, innit?

- It is, yeah. - Yeah.

I'm looking forward to meeting this girlfriend of yours.

Absolutely.

Is, er, she awake yet,

or is she still exhausted from all the fucking?

THEY LAUGH

- Oh, you all right, boy?! - Here he is! The legend!

- Get in! Look at you! - Oh, mate, good to see you.

- Hey. - Er, YOU look amazing.

Thank you. So do you.

Ugh, don't, I feel terrible.

I mean, I know I don't have a bump

because I'm only, like, 13 weeks two but...

..I just feel so full inside.

- Just let me get my... - Yeah. Course. - One minute.

SHE BREATHES SHAKILY

KNOCK ON DOOR

I'll see you down there! Sorry!

No worries!

SHE EXHALES HEAVILY

- Here he is! All right, Ralph! The legend, eh?! - Oh, mate!

Oh, look at you in your fancy gear!

- He's all dressed up, isn't he? - It's all for you, Ralph, mate.

- It's all for you. - Are they for me an' all?

Oh, yeah, I got you some little flowers, mate.

- Wouldn't surprise me. - I got you some chocolates.

You would, wouldn't you? Eh?

I can believe that! That is highly likely, that!

Oh-ho-ho!

Flowers, chocolate.

THEY LAUGH

JOKEY CHATTER

RINGTONE INTERRUPTS PROGRAMME ON PHONE

RINGING CONTINUES

PROGRAMME CONTINUES

Oh, God...

RINGTONE INTERRUPTS PROGRAMME ON PHONE

RINGING CONTINUES

SHE BREATHES LOUDLY AND SHAKILY

MOBILE PHONE RINGS

Hi!

- Amanda?! - I'm in here.!

- We don't know what this means, OK? - AMANDA SOBS

Let's just focus on the facts.

Sometimes bleeding can be a natural part of a pregnancy.

SHE CONTINUES SOBBING

Hey, come on.

Come on.

Do you want me to get Dave?

Oh, here he is. OK.

Look, just put, er... OK...

Right just put, erm...

"Hey," or however you normally start with, erm...

Keep it breezy.

"I have a really bad migraine."

Then put something like...

- "..Lisa's looking after me." - Oh, God...

AMANDA BREATHES HEAVILY, THEN COUGHS

..two, three, four.

SIREN WAILS

Hold, two, three, four.

Breathe out, two, three, four.

Nice and calm.

You're doing really well.

- WHISPERED: - She's having a fucking miscarriage.

She's having...

Can you hear me? Stephen?

She's having a fucking...

How is it?

There's blood.

Is it, er, dark blood? Is it light? Is it patches?

Spotting? Any lumps?

It's kind of, erm...

- I think there's quite a lot of it. - MOBILE PHONE VIBRATES

That can be normal.

Yes! There's tons of it! She's having a...

Oh, my God!

And your date of birth?

17th of February 1983.

I'll... I'll wait out here.

- Right. Are you...? Are you sure? - Yeah. Don't worry.

Or you... You could come in?

It's quite private. I don't want to...

- I don't mind. - OK.

- But it... - Sometimes these things, they can be like...

- It might be something bad. - Yeah, no...

Yeah, I'll come in.

Of course.

Do you want to come in and shut the door?

Thank you for seeing me.

Oh, it's no problem, my lovely.

So you've had a bit of bleeding?

Quite a lot of bleeding, yeah.

OK. And you are...?

- 13 weeks, two days. - 13 weeks, two days. OK.

- And everything was OK at the 12 week scan? - Er, yeah.

- Yes. Yeah. All normal. - OK.

What do you want to do about your lovely dress?

I'll need to get to your tummy, so we can roll it up or there's a gown?

- A gown, yeah? - Might be easier.

- Thank you. - If you want to pop behind the curtain.

Are you sure you don't want me to...?

- Yeah. No, whatever you need. - Sorry. - No.

Thank you.

Have you been somewhere nice?

Er, we were at a wedding.

- Oh, lovely. - Yeah. - How was the weather?

It's nice. Yeah.

- You kind of lose track of the day in here. - Mm-hm.

If you could pop yourself on the bed.

- You OK? - Yeah.

MOBILE PHONE VIBRATES

- I'll... Oh, sorry. - No, no.

If it's OK, I'll have a look and check and see what's going on.

That might take me a little while,

but when I have everything I need

I'll let you know what I can see. Is that OK?

Yes. Thank you.

- Are you ready for me to start? - Yeah, yes, please. Thank you.

This'll be a bit cold.

OK. Let's have a little look.

You can get yourself back to the wedding now.

Well, we've missed the ceremony.

- And you can't even go back and have a drink. - Right?!

She's at a wedding, and she can't get drunk.

Ugh. Don't! Torture.

Don't do it to yourself!

So we're all good?

Massive over-reaction.

- No! - As usual...

Well, they'll probably want to do your bloods anyway, just for fun.

You have a really strange idea of fun.

I started crying...

..didn't I?

We all did.

You were really blubbering.

- It's a magical moment. - Such a relief.

You hear these stories of people, like, going for their scan

and the baby's dead inside them...

Yeah, I've seen some really terrible stories.

You'd think they'd know, right?

Like, you'd think they'd...

I mean, that it's dead. You'd think they'd know.

I don't see how they couldn't know.

But they said it's fairly normal, the bleeding.

I bled a lot through my first pregnancy.

I'm going to get a drink. Can I get you anything?

Er, do you...? Are you all right to come in with me?

I'm terrible with needles.

Yeah. Of course.

- I'm just going to pop to the machine. - Thanks.

So you had bleeding?

Yep. My first.

LISA INHALES SHARPLY

Sorry...

She was just popping to get a drink.

Sorry, erm...

DANCE MUSIC PLAYS

LIVELY CHATTER

All good, mate?

All good, all good.

That's what I like to hear.

You going to get yourself on the dance floor?

That dance floor couldn't take me.

STEPHEN LAUGHS

Nothing can take you.

Nothing can take me, mate. I'd tear the world up.

She here yet?

The mysterious migraine!

Yes!

She vanishes into thin air!

That's hilarious, Dad. No, it's all good.

- You'll meet her at breakfast. - Course I will.

That's amazing.

Breakfast.

Yeah. No, Dad, that's brilliant!

Yeah. I love it, Dad! I love it!

He loves it!

Course he don't fucking love it.

Look, we never had our chat.

You're getting, like...

Getting a bit close, mate. Getting a bit sexy?

STEPHEN LAUGHS

Yeah, I'm getting sexy.

You getting desperate, mate?

- Lisa not, like...? - What?

Standing all close and shit.

- I'm just talking. - Well, you can talk from over there.

I can talk wherever I want.

All right. You don't have to get, like...

- I'm not getting like anything. - Lisa not giving you enough, mate?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'd have to be desperate.

Sounds like you are.

No, they had a good night out last week, the girls.

It's all like... Yeah, no.

- Like... - Yeah. - ..ears burning.

Ah, yeah... No doubt about it, mate, yeah.

I bet you got a roasting.

Always.

No, I just...

I wanted to have a chat, really,

about Amanda.

What are you doing?

You're all just like, "I just wanted to have a chat, really."

Why do you need to say "really"?

I'm worried about you, mate.

So why do you need to say "really"?

You're worried about me. OK. Right.

Hmm. That's interesting. Oh, great, no.

You're worried about me.

HE CHUCKLES

Thanks, mate. Yeah, I appreciate that.

I find that hilarious, actually. I just... I find that...

Yeah. No, that's excellent. You're worried about me.

Very good. Well done. Brilliant.

I mean, do I need to "have a chat, really" about Lisa?

Hmm. Do I?

Do I go on about how she's fucking, like, miserable all the time

and acts like she doesn't like me any more?

Do I? No, I don't.

Because I'm not a prick.

HE CHUCKLES

It's hilarious. Why do you need to say "really"?

I've had this kind of new perspective.

A gay perspective?

You got something you want to tell me?

Er, I think you and me are both in a bit of a new place.

Well, it sounds like you're in a homosexual place.

That's hilarious.

Me and Lisa have had a bit of trouble having a baby, and...

You can't get her pregnant?

Well, not...

You can get her pregnant or you can't get her pregnant? Which is it?

Cos you're all like, "I want to talk to you about Amanda,"

all like, "Fucking look at me, I'm married," like a fucking prick,

but actually it's... It's all just a deflection, isn't it?

It's so interesting.

It's such an interesting example of human behaviour.

No, it's... It's sad, actually. It's really sad.

You're a failure and you... You can't even face it.

God, it must be mortifying.

Your sperm count's fucking negatory.

I mean, I bet Lisa's...furious.

No wonder she's so quiet.

She's dumbstruck. She can't believe what she's married.

No wonder you want to go on about Amanda all the time.

I mean, I feel bad for you.

Embarrassing.

Is there anything actually in your bollocks or is it...?

Is it just air? You're just jizzing air into your poor wife.

Ah, no, man!

Sorry.

That is tragic, OK?

I can see that that's tragic.

But you don't go around taking it out on me and Amanda

just because you're fucking...jealous.

I think you need to prepare yourself.

You're not actually moving to Singapore.

Why are you so desperate to go? There's so much more...

Why do you think I'm desperate to go?

What, you think I want to sit around here for another 20 years

with you in my fucking ear?

You have no idea how patient I am with you.

Well, I've had enough, mate. I've had enough.

I can't wait...

I cannot WAIT to get to Singapore and be away from you and your

barren fucking wife,

you thick fucking useless fucking failure.

- Have a good one, yeah? - Mate, mate...

Are you actually fucking doing this?!

He was great, yeah.

We had a really nice chat.

Did you mention Amanda or Singapore or...?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah.

- Morning. - Morning.

How's Dave this morning?

I don't know.

- Shall I meet you at the car? - Yeah.

You left me.

I was worried about you.

Why didn't you tell me where you were going?

I didn't want to.

You got the keys?

- Have you seen Dave? - Oh, God.

Did he have a late one? Uh-oh! Someone's been a naughty boy!

I think you and me, we're different.

Like, with respect, ages...

Yeah, but age is a construct.

- Oh, totally. - It's a capitalist, like...

It's a way of getting you to, like...

- Yeah. - Yeah.

I, mean these people that go on about age...

..it's just... It's another way to confine people.

- That's just the sort of thing I'd say. - No?

It's weird how...

- So weird. - Hmm.

Hmm.

TAP RUNS

KETTLE BOILS, SIRENS WAIL OUTSIDE

We're so alone.

No-one understands what we're going through.

So we need to find some way of speaking about this stuff

and not just...

We... We use words, but we're not speaking.

We'll end up like your parents, doing chitchat

and laughing about nothing.

If I don't have you, what do I have?

I need you to talk to me and say, like...

..anything.

Anything you need to say, because I know you've got a lot of stuff

going on in there and I can see it's hurting you,

but you're just waiting for it to go away, and it's not going anywhere.

It won't just disappear.

It'll sit there...and rot.

Those words will sit there and rot our entire marriage

unless we say them.

What do you want me to say?

That was literally the worst thing you could've...

You're such a fucking prick sometimes.

# My dreams are up in arms because they say they can't compete with you

# And I stop the day with a little syllable

# Left unfinished

# When you move to kiss me

# Now each word bursts like a volcano

# Cos there's nowhere else for this love to go

# I grabbed a cable and a microphone

# Cos there's nowhere else for this love to go

# And I I just can't believe

# I've found someone the same as me. #

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0