Original subtitles

This programme contains strong language from the start, scenes

which some viewers may find upsetting and some scenes of a sexual nature

Where are we going?! Oh, I'm not running! I'm not running!

Yeah, thanks.

Thanks, guys. Good of you.

I'm not running unless you tell me where we're going!

Wait!

Just tell me!

Just tell me where we're going!

No... Oh!

Oh, no! That's disgusting.

HE LAUGHS

It's not funny!

Course not.

It might be someone's piss!

Yeah, there's nothing funny about that, is there?

- Oh! - Oh!

- No! - We did it six years ago, we do it now.

Ah, don't drink it! Jesus!

We did it six years ago -

we do it now.

Are you also going to kiss me and touch my tits?

Woo! I'm going to try.

Oh!

Oh, fucking hell!

Oh, my God!

Is that the same bloke?

Does he look miserable?

- Yep. - Yeah, it's the same bloke.

- Yeah, that's...that's the wall where we... - We sat on the bench.

We sat on the bench!

- You...you had your legs... - No!

- ..like spread on either side of the wall... - No way.

..and I couldn't stop thinking about your vagina.

You kept thinking about my vagina?

Yeah, of course.

Not my fantastic personality?

A little bit your personality.

Like 5%?

Like 5...10%.

Oh, my God, much as that?

It's a fiver for a Scotch egg.

- Shut up. - Look, above the bar.

Ah, they've ruined it.

What's a fucking microbrewery?

Who gives a fuck?

LAUGHTER AND MUSIC FROM INSIDE

It's just important for us to do stuff like this...

Did he have a TV in a trolley?

He literally just has a...

THEY LAUGH

It's a guy pushing a TV in a trolley!

No, you're right, I know.

Positives.

- We just have to, like... - Yeah, I know.

I know. You're right.

Get out the flat, have a drink,

get covered in kebab juice.

See a fella pushing a trolley with a telly in it!

- I just thought it was important for us to, like, relive... - Yeah.

..the best night of... definitely my life.

Yours?

It's up there.

No, this is...

Yeah.

You're right.

You're right. I...I just need to get my head around it.

# Dreams are up in arms because... #

Yeah.

We stay positive.

# Stop the day with a little syllable

# Left unfinished

# When you know you've to kiss me

# Now each word bursts like a volcano

# Cos there's nowhere else for this love to go

# I grabbed a keyboard and a microphone

# Cos there's nowhere else for this love to go... #

Can we go home now?

Yep.

I'm freezing and I need a poo.

Now that's why I married you, you know?

Hey, Jim.

I'm, erm...

I'm just... I'm just getting in a cab.

I think you're on mute, Amanda.

Oh, sorry!

Sorry.

I'm in a cab, but I can, erm...

I just wanted to say before Priya logs on...

Yeah?

Last week, obviously I was thinking a lot about you and Harry.

Yeah.

And I just wanted to say I was thinking of you and Harry...

..and everything with Harry, and I hope you're...

SWITCHES CALL TO HEADPHONES

Thank you. That's erm...

That's really kind of you.

Yeah.

Thank you.

Hey, Priya.

Hey!

Oh, no, don't apologise.

You OK with those?

Yeah.

You all right?

Yeah.

Ah!

I need a bigger key ring.

Yep.

Sorry.

It's just a bit, erm...

OK. That's better.

Ahh... Sorry.

No.

Just got a frog in my, er...

- Excuse me. - No.

- All good? - Yeah.

Do you want to come to Daniel's birthday party?

OK.

I don't know if it's, like, too much, or too soon?

No, it's... Yeah. Thank you.

You meet my family, I'll meet yours.

Don't know if that's like something you've done before

with...any of your exes...

TAP RUNS

Been to their kid's birthday parties.

If you had any particularly important ex-boyfriend.

Amanda news.

Is she going to order another rack of lamb and make us split the bill?

That was for me.

Yeah?

Do you want the Amanda news, or not?

BIN CLATTERS

So, what's the Amanda news?

She's asked if she can go to Daniel's birthday party.

I told you she was weird.

HE LAUGHS

Who actually asks to go to a kids' birthday party?

Well, he wants us to look after her.

I'm quite looking forward to it -

nice chat with people,

stay positive, see Daniel and his little mates.

Have you told him we're going?

DISHWASHER HUMS

Have you told him we're going?!

Well, we've had two miscarriages.

The first was spontaneous.

That was at seven weeks.

Or thereabouts.

And, yeah, then the second one was more recent.

That was a missed miscarriage.

The baby measured eight weeks five,

and we were expecting it to be twelve three.

So I had an ERPC.

- How old are you? - I'm 34.

I was 33 when this happened.

So, yeah, we want to try again.

It... It said online we could be referred to a

- recurrent miscarriage specialist. - Yeah.

That's after three.

HE CONTINUES TO TYPE

OK.

So, two miscarriages at your age is...

We don't get in a flurry

when a 34-year-old has a couple of miscarriages.

When you get to three miscarriages,

then, yes, we can explore it a little further,

but usually it's just...

You might have another miscarriage,

and then another one, then another one, then another one.

The only thing to do is stay positive.

Get some sleep.

Breathing.

Got a sheet here somewhere...

..about breathing...

Ah. The mess!

Breathing?!

- Breathing?! - Yeah.

I was sitting there like, "Are you kidding me?!"

CRASH

CAR ALARM BLARES

TURNS OFF ENGINE

CAR ALARM BLARES

CAR ALARM BLARES

- We don't get in a...get in a... - Flurry.

Oh, my God!

Oh, do you not get in a flurry

when a 34-year-old has a couple of miscarriages?

Yeah, yeah, let's brush that off. Easy.

I can't get my head out of this flurry.

Have you not been breathing?

No-one gave me a sheet about it! HE LAUGHS

He doesn't get in a flurry about a couple of miscarriages.

Yeah, just a couple. That's all.

But he will get in a flurry about some messy paperwork.

Oh, my God his...his face!

Yeah. He just needs to breathe through it.

Did you see the bits from his lunch?

Oh! I could smell the satsuma when I walked in.

Breathing!

And the shrug.

- Did you see the shrug? - Yeah, I saw the fucking shrug.

TEXT ALERT

We just need to stay positive.

HE TYPES

Honestly, he's got no idea what you've been through.

What we've been through.

TEXT ALERT

HE CHUCKLES

Hmm?

HE TYPES

- You got money? - Phone.

OK, I'll get the Crunchies and the Fanta! You go to Greggs!

- First left? - First left, second right, other side of the road.

- And it's the caramel custard doughnut, yeah? - Yeah!

If they don't have that, get a Yum Yum!

And if they don't have a Yum Yum...call me!

Hey there, big guy.

So, tomorrow afternoon, OK?

And then you'll get to go straight to Josh's party.

All right? I'll see you later, darling. Go on.

Inhaler's in his bag.

He did a bit of a weird poo this morning, so keep an eye on that.

- Three o'clock OK for tomorrow? - Er, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Er, sorry..

Can I just, erm...

I'm going to introduce him to my new partner, Amanda.

She's er... She's really great with kids.

Are you fucking stupid?

What the fuck?

What do you mean "what the fuck?"?

She'll fucking dump you, like they all do and then he'll...

Why the foul language, Bella?

Why the foul language?

- You're such a fucking moron. - Who's the moron? Hmm. - Wow!

Who's the moron?! Huh?

- How you doing, mate? Are you good? - Yeah.

Excellent.

Er, crunchies are in the fridge. Fanta?

- Yeah. - I know my son!

I thought we'd try something different for your lunch today,

so I got you a Yum Yum.

GAME BEEPS

- All good? - Yeah.

He's playing.

Do you want to say hello?

Well, I... I don't want to get in the way of your bonding.

Mm.

You all right, mate? You OK to pause that?

One minute.

Yeah, OK, cool. No problem.

This is Amanda.

GAME CONTINUES

Thank you for letting me be with you both on your special day together.

I hear someone's got a birthday coming up.

That's very cool.

- He loves that game. - Yeah.

He'd be on it all day.

- What is it, a...? - He can use it as a tablecloth.

Cool.

No, he'll love that.

Just tell me if you and him need some alone time.

Mm.

Can I get a decaf latte please,

and to eat I'll just have the plain poached eggs on sourdough,

but can I get them cooked through?

- Yep. - And I do mean cooked through.

Because sometimes you say cooked through

and they still leave them a little bit soft.

Sorry.

Not a problem.

And I'll get a cup of tea, please.

Oh, sorry. You go.

And I'll get...the Eggs Benedict.

Thanks.

And how would you like your eggs?

Runny.

You get more sex.

Exactly, right?

Thanks.

- Nothing wrong with that. - Absolutely!

Yeah, we're all good.

Keeping positive, trying again,

enjoying our lives while we still can!

You know Stephen.

He always sees the bright side,

so he's keeping us positive and optimistic,

which is just what we need.

- Sorry. - No.

They're not hard, are they?

- No. - No-one would say they were hard.

They're kind of squidgy.

They are. They're like...

- Yeah, they're squidgy. - Yeah.

- Sorry. - No, you go.

Thanks.

So, this might be like a crazy Lisa idea,

but remember ages ago, we made that little business plan -

PA Plus, or whatever we want to call it?

That was such a good idea, right?

At first we could fit it around other work and other commitments,

if you still wanted to give it a go?

Might be good for fitting around a baby...

Thanks.

Bit better.

Mm.

How was lunch?

It was great, yeah.

You didn't reply to my WhatsApps.

We need more soap in the toilet.

There's one in the cupboard.

There isn't.

How long did you look?

Ages.

Ages, yeah?

Absolutely ages.

I was unbelievably thorough.

You're so painful.

How can you not see that?!

There's none in there!

You had to move like three things!

How's Nicola?

Good.

Did she say "this, that and the other"?

She never said that.

She made us go to a wine bar, which is basically a pub for pricks.

You loved the wine bar.

She said "this, that and the other" five times in one night.

Was it five times?

Yeah.

I counted.

That's so cool.

I've got a... like a loose bit on my...

..the bit next to the fingernail.

- Use nail clippers. - No, I'm biting it.

Was she keen on your PA Plus idea?

It was both our idea.

What did you have?

Eggs.

Nice?

It was eggs.

- How nice can you make an egg? - Well, yeah.

Did Nicola have eggs?

Er... Yeah.

There was other stuff on the menu, was there?

It was kind of brunchy.

And she chose eggs?

Hard not to.

I guess she had her yolks cooked through?

She's pregnant.

It was all handwritten menus, and...

- Course it was. - Think her husband had been there.

Ah, it's bound to be a poncey fucking circus.

Mine was 15 quid.

- For eggs? - Yep.

�15 for eggs?!

�4.50 for a drink.

- A cup of tea? - �3.50.

Jesus Christ.

I bet they had avocado, did they, and chillies?

Yeah, all that.

- Halloumi. - Yep.

Course they fucking did.

So, she knows everything that's happened to you

and she takes you for lunch...

It was a nice thing.

..asks for her eggs to be cooked through right in front of you.

She was taking me out as a nice thing.

She...she paid.

When I've been pregnant, I've been the same.

When I've been pregnant, I've been exactly the same.

I mean, what a massive bitch.

- Stephen! Jesus! - No, come on.

- No! - Did she just, like, order the eggs briefly, like...

She just...

"Can I have them cooked through",

or did she make a big song and dance...

She just wanted to make sure they were cooked through.

So she made a big fucking song and dance.

She just spent a bit of time pushing at the yolks,

just like what anyone would do.

- Yeah. - Just testing to see if they were done or not.

Yeah. I can see her doing it.

Then she sent them back because they were just...

She what?

They were squidgy.

Squidgy?

- No, but soft or... - Squidgy.

I had a nice lunch, OK?

Yeah, yeah, but squidgy?

That was my word. Come on.

Can we not, like, take everything personally?

What am I taking personally?

What am I taking personally?

I'm not taking anything personally.

OK.

I'm being positive.

Yep.

What do you mean "yep"?

How am I not being positive?

Yeah, no, OK. You are.

These people have no idea what you've been through.

How cold is it?

Cold.

Did she eat 'em in the end?

- She left little bits of the yolk... - No.

- ..that she thought were soft. - Were they soft?

Of course they weren't.

THEY LAUGH

We just need to get back on it.

Eyes up, level head, move forwards.

Put it all behind us.

That's how I stay so positive all the time.

That's how I deal with stuff. It just works. Always has.

I'm like the literally the world's most positive person.

Literally. I'm like...

No, it's funny.

Yeah.

I mean, how was I not being positive?!

- Harry? - Harry! Yeah!

That's brilliant!

It's so brilliant!

LAUGHTER

Yeah, she was just sitting there like, "Harry..."

STEPHEN LAUGHS

He sounds so much better than you!

I know! I love it!

Oh, Harry!

Who the fuck is Harry, yeah?

That is so funny!

It's absolutely hilarious!

Harry though!

Oh, he sounds...he sounds a lot, lot better than you!

Right?

Oh, my God! I can't stop laughing about it!

And this is my sister, Kimberley.

- Sorry. - This is Dave.

Dealing with the kids from hell.

- I have a son and, yeah! - It's not easy, is it?

One weekend a fortnight - that's enough for me.

- It's his birthday soon. We're having a big party, aren't we? - Yes.

Drink through the agony.

No, he's erm...

Lovely. Thank you, Jenny.

- No, he's, erm... - Shoes. - Yep.

Bet your exes found them hard.

They're not exactly big laughers, are they?

Whereas my dad's like...

HE LAUGHS

He doesn't stop.

We haven't really talked about our exes, have we?

Yeah, feel free to ask me anything about any of mine.

You're going to meet Daniel's mum at the party,

so any questions, any worries...

..I'm very open.

Nothing to hide.

Honestly, just ask me anything about any of 'em.

I'm good.

TAXI APPROACHES

No, she was like "Harry this, Harry that", and I was like...

Matt?

Matt!

No, we were in this cab,

and she was like, "Harry, Harry, ooh."

HE CHUCKLES AWKWARDLY

Step outside the pub, mate.

Step outside the pub!

GIGGLING AND LAUGHTER

They're having fun.

Yeah.

CHILDREN SHOUT

Noisy!

Yep.

Here they are! Thanks for coming.

How are you? Having fun?

- Always! - Yeah? Recovered from the other night?

I never recover from a night with you!

Should've seen him. Four pints, he was slurring!

I hadn't had any dinner!

There he goes. Always an excuse.

- This is just your scene, isn't it? - Yeah, I love it, mate. I love it.

Hey, Daniel! Daniel! Come and say hello to your godfather!

Wow, OK! So you're even being rude to your godfather?!

Hey, guys! Come join the madness.

EXCITED CHATTER

Yeah, I'll find it.

- Are you sure? - Yeah. Don't worry.

Looks like you've got enough on your hands!

- Just a bit! - It's so busy!

It's crazy, isn't it?!

Do you want to go and enjoy the party?

- I can do all of this. - Ah, no. No, don't worry.

Looks like you've got enough on your hands.

Do you need any help with anything?

- Looks like you've got enough on your hands. - Hmm. Yeah!

Hey! Over here, poppet!

CHATTER AND LAUGHTER

- Hey! - All good?

- These are helping. - It looks amazing in there.

Daniel!

Daniel?

Don't worry. He's having a good time with his friends.

No, he's being a fucking prick.

Daniel! Now!

It's pass the parcel, mate.

You can't cry about pass the parcel. It's just a fact.

Can you leave us a minute?

- He can't cry about pass the parcel. - Yeah.

You've said that.

Could you clear this up, please, Daniel?

Daniel, I've asked you nicely!

Daniel!

You broke it, you fix it!

Daniel!

CHEERING

- Come on! - I'm not doing one!

I'm not!

Harry! Harry! Harry!

- Harry! Harry! Harry! - OK! OK, OK, OK!

Stop!

LAUGHTER

On behalf of my fiancee and I...

WHOOPS AND CHEERS

Harry! Harry! Harry! Harry!

Harry! Harry!

On...on behalf...

On behalf of my fiancee and I...

WHOOPS AND CHEERS

It's not going to happen!

- Give it up! - Harry! Harry! Harry! - Just kiss me instead!

- Claire and Nigel? - Claire and Nigel!

HE WHEEZES WITH LAUGHTER

Oh, God stop! Stop!

Can you imagine inviting fucking...?

Just coming up the aisle and seeing Claire's fucking face!

You're such a bitch!

OK.

Yeah. No, I understand.

Thank you, yes.

Thanks for calling.

They see these irregularities all the time.

Yeah. It's very normal.

Typical me.

- Normal. - Do you need the milk?

You got the milk?

The milk.

Nine times out of ten, they do these scans

and then they show up nothing.

I'll take those odds.

Yep. I'm very happy with those odds.

Sorry.

HE LAUGHS

Why not?!

- Pomme puree? - Why not?

Oh, my God. You've lost it!

Did I ever have it?

SHE SNORTS

Yeah, good point, actually.

So, you're happy to serve our guests

that fucking awful pomme puree?

- It was nice! - It was all puree and no fucking pomme!

Oh, my God. Watch the hummus. Watch the hummus!

I know it, OK?

I just know it.

I can feel it in my bones.

And you need to start believing in it too

because we're going to get married.

And we're going to have a dog.

And we're going to have an argument about what kind of dog to have

and I'm going to win that argument.

And we're going to fill our big house with beautiful babies.

At least three.

Maybe four.

- LAUGHS: - We're not having four.

Then I'll put holes in the condoms until we have four.

SHE SIGHS

Smile, Daniel.

Smile, please.

Daniel, could you smile, please?

OK. Now, can we smile, please?

Smile.

No, a proper smile.

Can we have a proper smile, please, Daniel?

Daniel! Can you smile, please?!

Hi.

Hi.

Don't let me disturb you.

Oh, it's all nonsense.

I'm literally just filling my head with nonsense.

- Great party. - Yeah. Amazing.

It's lovely to see the little kids having fun.

- Hmm. - I'm just going to drop you off today. I can't stay.

But Dad's going to come in a bit, all right?

Do you think much about having kids?

Er, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

You?

No way.

Sounds like they had fun!

- That'll be us one day. - Don't!

The amount of sandwiches they had left over.

You did your best to finish them.

Did you see them sweeping the floor?

Might get a hoover!

MOBILE RINGS

Sorry.

Hello?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, we've got a bin bag.

All right. Later.

Yeah, we literally had to leave the kitchen spotless.

- Did you? - Yeah. - What, spotless?

- Well, not literally... - Right. - but...

We won't be like that, though, will we?

We're going to throw the best, like...

..best kids' parties, aren't we?

Of course.

How are we going to know if you're ovulating?

You could try...sticking them up your arse.

- Just piss on them! - Yeah. Or you could stick them up your arse.

I need to know if you're ovulating!

No, I reset the router.

Yes. I just said that.

I did a factory reset.

- Oh! Oh! - I'm sorry.

- GIGGLES: - You're on my hair.

You OK?

Sorry. Your breath is...

What?

Marmite?

Really? You're just going to sit there and breathe Marmite

all over me?

You do like it or you don't like it?

- You're giving me mixed messages. - You reek!

Huh!

Easy as that.

We're a baby-making machine.

Is it definitely...?

HE CHUCKLES

Oh, it just goes to show!

We've done so well.

Stayed positive.

Kept our heads up. Kept moving forwards.

HE CHUCKLES

I know it's been a bit annoying, me going on about positivity...

- No. - Oh, shut your face.

- But it's worked, hasn't it, eh? - Yeah.

I mean, look at it. It's worked.

I just knew it would be OK.

I just had this, like, gut feeling.

The power of positive thinking.

SHE WRETCHES

Sorry. It's meant to be by the side of the bed.

- Window. - Yep.

Oh, God, it's great to be back in the swing of things.

Just open the bloody window.

Oh, sorry!

Folic acid.

Yep.

- You going to take it or...? - Yep.

In a minute.

Just...put it down.

- It's there. - Yep.

My mum says we have to breast-feed!

- RECORDING: - Daily pelvic-floor exercises to help you prepare...

- Just texted! - ..for an easier birth and a quicker recovery

after delivery. My goal is to ensure...

Her words are we definitely need to breast-feed!

..jump or exert yourself after having your baby.

These exercises are also beneficial...

And can that be cooked through?

- WHISPERS: - I'll just have the chicken.

You haven't had any red meat today.

I want the chicken.

She needs it brown, totally brown.

Not even a hint of pink.

MUSIC: Backseat by Charlie Baker

TURNS MUSIC OFF

THUD

That was a big bang.

- You all right? - I had, like, a weird tummy, yeah.

You all right?

One minute.

I'm all wet.

THEY CHUCKLE

RADIO LAUGHTER AND CHAT

TURNS RADIO OFF

PHONE RINGS

PHONE CONTINUES RINGING

Good morning. Lisa speaking.

I'll just have a bit of a lie down.

It's just a bug.

Yeah, yeah.

Any excuse to get off work.

What do you mean? I love my job.

What's not to love?

Oh, I can't stop peeing today!

Oh, no!

I need to cut down on my caffeine intake!

SHE LAUGHS

SHE WHIMPERS

SHE MOANS

SHE WHIMPERS

SHE GASPS, GROANS

SHE SOBS

- WHISPERS: - Can you not?

- Sorry. - Sorry. - No.

SHE MOANS LOUDLY

Er...

..say that again.

Er, no, no, she's on the floor.

She can't...

SHE GROANS AND SOBS

Shall we...shall we get you on the sofa?

He wants you to try and get on the sofa.

LISA CONTINUES SOBBING

I'm so sorry. Say that again?

Oh, my God. No. Stephen!

Oh, please!

- Do you want me to take it? - I can hold it.

- No, I'll take it. - OK.

Thanks.

No worries.

- Sorry, is anyone...? - Er, no. - Sorry.

- I can take it. - Yep.

Where are the positives? Where are the fucking positives?

Because when I was sat there with my fucking baby

dripping into the fucking toilet, it didn't really...

What are you looking at?

- Hey, what the fuck are you looking at? - Lisa!

Mind your own fucking business...

- I'm not looking at anything! - ..you nosey prick!

Who's Harry?

Why are you asking that?

Er...why aren't you answering?

He's an ex.

Good ex? Bad ex?

He died.

Ah.

Phew.

Are these finished?

Yeah, of course they're finished, they're empty glasses.

HE SNORTS

Why would anyone still be using empty glasses?

HE LAUGHS

Please, please. We're meant to be having a nice night.

- SHOUTS: - Stop telling me what I'm meant to be doing!

For months, I've had you telling me what to do,

with your pills and your fucking...

..your stupid positive thinking and your bullshit fucking nonsense!

None of it saved our baby.

Nothing you can do can save our fucking babies!

# My dreams are up in arms because

# They say they can't compete with you

# When you stop the day with a little syllable

# Left unfinished

# When you move to kiss me

# Now each word bursts like a volcano

# Cos there's nowhere else for this love to go

# I grab the cable to the microphone

# Cos there's nowhere else for this love to go. #

Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0