Original subtitles

Now tell me something, is this a house?

It's a house.

It's a house.

Let's just pass it over the top.

Honey, do you have the key?

Yep.

Do you like this stuff?

Very nice.

Is it heavy?

I got it. Don't worry about it.

Thank you.

Come on, let's go. Yes.

This is great.

My own room.

Fine.

A little privacy.

A little privacy.

Young men need their privacy.

Yes.

Yes.

Oh, yes. Good view. Good view.

Better than you.

Well, this is it.

When are we going to move to Malibu like you promised?

I am so sick of packing and unpacking.

I'm telling you, Joe, if you don't divorce that woman right away, there is

to be a lot of trouble. And I am not kidding.

Just take it easy, okay?

I'm going to divorce that bitch.

As soon as Jeffrey grows up.

How much does he have to grow?

Have you any idea how big that boy is now?

things in the garage, you know, straighten them out.

Yeah, a lot of heavy boxes, huh?

Yeah, heavy boxes.

So, I'm going to just go to sleep early tonight, work a hot bath, relax. What

about you?

You know, honey, that sounds like a great idea. I'm going to put my bathrobe

make a nice hot cup of cocoa, and then check on Consuela and my son, you know,

to make sure everything's okay.

Well, why don't you leave Consuela alone tonight? I think that she could use a

good night's sleep.

Okay?

Okay.

Go

ahead,

honey. Don't mind me.

It's the best part of being a ghost.

Oh, yeah, you're putting on a pretty good show there.

Why don't you bend over and shoot the little beaver?

Oh, yeah.

That's it.

I see my mother was right about you all along, Charlie.

Yeah, I'm afraid so.

I suppose you're having a good time?

Uh, what are you thinking?

Atta girl, open up a little more.

Go ahead, honey. If you have a little itch, go ahead and scratch it. Nobody's

looking.

I have to admit, Charlie, you're brilliantly perverse.

Yeah.

Well, goodbye, Charlie.

Where are you going?

Oh, around the house to see what everyone's up to.

I think I'm going to hang out here for a little while.

I'm sure you're not going far, Charlie. See ya.

Bye.

me to live in a dinky little room like this?

Well, that mom criado son of yours has a bigger room than this little sheet.

You better make me happy, Joe, I'm telling you, because if Consuela is not

happy, you won't be happy, too.

Oh, Consuela, I promise you, I'll make you happy.

Your own room, a bigger room, anything you want, just give me a couple days.

Jeff? Yes.

Well, you better.

you just stay down there and do something nice for Consuela for a

Because I did that last time.

You did?

I don't remember.

Okay, I'll do it.

But just don't make so much noise.

Will you suck on Consuela's chee -chee?

Consuela loves that.

Oh, yeah.

I don't know what else to say now.

What about me?

What about me?

What about you?

I was thinking that, you know, maybe in a while you could suck my dick.

Don't talk now, baby. Make me hot.

We'll see later.

Did you divorce that bitch?

And things are going to be a lot different.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I can do some really dirty stuff.

Not to kill and stuff.

Oh, keep hugging my pussy, baby.

Make me hot, baby.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, that's good.

Oh, you're so fuzzy, just like a

flatbed. Yes, thank you.

I'm going to go see what else is going on around here.

Jeffrey.

Wow. Oh, my.

What is this boy doing?

Oh, yep. He's beating off.

Hmm.

A lot more interesting than those other people.

He's kind of cute, too.

would like to have a little of that.

Gosh.

Just the thought of that makes a girl tingle all over.

Slow down, Jeffrey.

God, I'd hate to see such a good thing go to waste.

Slow down.

God, now the big decision.

Should I appear or not appear?

I'm gonna have to make up a great story for this.

Where did this come from?

All

right,

will you put it in already? How many times I got to do that for you?

Get the head, sweetie. Get the head.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

You're going to like that.

It'll be fun for me to watch.

Go ahead, turn it on.

It is batteries.

There you go. There you go.

Feel kind of good?

Looks pretty good.

Nobody's coming. Don't worry.

Go ahead, stick it in there.

I love this part.

I kind of knew you'd like that.

I told you they're not coming.

Don't you think I could tell if they were coming?

I'll tell you if they're coming.

I want you to come.

Ooh.

You look pretty good down there.

All

right.

Heating up a little, eh?

Boy, I sure am glad I left my light on. Oh, me too. I'll call the grads tomorrow

and have my tire fixed.

Um, you don't mind if I sit in the night, do you?

Oh, yeah.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Thank you.

It's my turn now.

Oh, not now, baby. I've got a headache.

You better go now. You better go to your wife.

It's getting late.

That's what you said last time.

What am I supposed to do with this?

What was that?

I don't know. I must have been dreaming.

What did you tell me?

Just a little water and... Was this necessary?

Yeah. I'm sorry, honey. I'm sorry. I just thought I was the actress or

something.

You've been watching too many movies.

Maybe. God.

Yeah. Want some cocoa?

Yeah. I'm sorry. Here.

Dry yourself off. That's okay.

Back me back.

Help Bill, let me back here. Oh, okay.

All right, just help Bill, honey.

Where have you been? You've missed out on all the fun.

I did?

You mean I missed you having sex with big knockers?

No, that's not what I mean.

For some reason, Charlie, it doesn't make me feel that bad.

Are you all right? You've sure been acting funny lately.

Oh, good night, Charlie.

Even ghosts need their beauty sleep.

Morning, Consuelo.

Jeffrey, tell me, what do you do with those magazines?

Listen, Consuelo, you may not realize this, you being from a foreign country

all, but Hustler has some very good articles in it.

Oh, stupid me.

I thought it was just a girly magazine.

Oh.

Then I guess if some of the pages are stuck together, it's not what I thought,

right?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Leave that poor boy alone, Consuela. Yours is alone with a stinky cigar,

remember?

Oh, I'm sorry, Jeffrey. Did I hurt your feelings?

You know, I have some magazines.

Maybe I could bring them to your room some night.

Maybe we can find something you've never seen before.

Do you like it?

Forget it. Forget it.

That would be nice.

I wonder, lady. If you want to give him something to remember, I can arrange

that.

Take that and take that.

Did you hear that, Jeffrey?

Did you hear that?

Yeah, I heard it. I heard it. Yeah?

Yeah?

Thank you.

Oh, yes.

Oh, my God.

Son!

Son!

Yes?

Morning, Dad.

What about breakfast?

I already had breakfast.

You are next, you perverted gringo!

You're next!

You're shaming yourself!

Oh, look at yourself now, Consuelo.

Dear, don't you think it's a little rude screwing the children in the kitchen

while I'm having my morning juice? I mean...

God, no class.

You should be ashamed of yourself, Venezuela.

God.

Well, it's my turn now. I just want to get off.

Get off! Get off! You pervert!

You pervert!

Get off!

Get off! I

don't

know, Jo. I think Consuelo's been acting a little strange lately.

She seems all right to me.

See what I mean?

That's strange.

I just hope she doesn't mess up dinner.

Because I want everything to be just right for Dr. Getty Two -Shoes and his

friends.

Did you hear that? There's going to be a party. That's great.

Yeah, I'm surprised.

I thought old Joe over there was going to be a stick in the mud, dull boy.

No. Oh, this is great. I'm all excited. Now I can dress up.

Now, how was that, huh? Was that good?

That was great.

You know, nothing beats Italian food.

Hey, cigar?

No.

Thank you.

You know something, Padre? When we first moved in here, we were told that this

house might be haunted.

Really? Yeah, we were.

And now that we live here, we're convinced.

Oh, it's true. All kinds of strange things have been happening around here.

Of course, my child. But I don't really believe that this house is haunted.

Why not?

It is haunted, really.

Well, for one thing, Phoebe here is like litmus paper.

If there were really ghosts around, she'd be long gone, wouldn't she,

Yes, I would, Dr. Tissier.

You see, when ghosts are around, I break out with these bad hives, and my

complexion goes totally icky.

And I would leave immediately if that were the case.

Well, I'll bet she would.

You know, I have a feeling a case of volcanic acne would unload her bowels

on the spot. What do you think? Oh, my God, Charlie, no.

Not this time. We're not doing that.

That's mean, okay?

Well, what are we going to do? Are we going to stand around here and listen to

this bullshit all night, or are we going to give these people a thrill?

Yeah, but let's do it fun, okay?

No boogeyman stuff this time, all right?

No fun.

All right, you got my word on it. Come on. We can have fun with them.

You know what I mean?

Padre.

Derek, look, you see?

Whoa.

Look, there it is again.

Honey.

All right.

This hat's really boring. It's got to go.

Whoa.

It's happening again, dear.

See,

I know how to get things cooking around here.

Mmm.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

We gotta get out of here.

Bye Jeffrey!

Bye Jeffrey!

Bye Jeffrey! Bye Jeff! Bye Consuela!

Bye Consuela!

Bye Goldie!

Forget the back, son!

Forget the back!

Get in the car, son.

You think we went a little too far, Charlie?

No. Now it is when you're having fun.

We'll probably have to live alone for a while now.

But you don't have to worry about a messy kitchen anymore, and we don't have

worry about roller skates lying around everywhere, and we might get to sleep in

our own bed now.

It's kind of... Nice. I love.