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WEBVTT
1
00:00:48.083 --> 00:00:50.833
Hey guys! I got a good one,
do you want to hear it?
2
00:00:51.458 --> 00:00:52.750
Shut up Hopkins!
3
00:00:54.167 --> 00:00:56.583
What do you say to a
black man in a uniform?
4
00:01:01.375 --> 00:01:06.333
Excuse me Sir, I’ll have a Big Mac with
cheese and a coke please!
5
00:01:08.583 --> 00:01:09.983
You're a fucking Hillbilly Hopkins!
6
00:01:10.167 --> 00:01:11.583
Say that again snow White!?
7
00:01:11.917 --> 00:01:14.208
[Say that again snow White!?]
8
00:01:14.833 --> 00:01:16.958
[You’re just jealous of my
big black dick that’s all!]
9
00:01:19.000 --> 00:01:20.000
Shut Up!
10
00:02:15.417 --> 00:02:16.667
Hey guys, I've got another one!
11
00:02:18.167 --> 00:02:19.407
Do you know why black people...
12
00:02:29.917 --> 00:02:31.792
NINJAAAAAAAAAS!!!!
13
00:02:43.750 --> 00:02:45.042
GET SOMEEEEEEE!!!
14
00:03:16.042 --> 00:03:18.875
Jenny! Stop playing those stupid
video games and go outside!
15
00:03:19.167 --> 00:03:20.167
Yes mom!
16
00:04:57.083 --> 00:04:58.917
One minute!
I’m coming!
17
00:05:25.042 --> 00:05:26.375
Your pepperoni mam
18
00:05:26.667 --> 00:05:27.667
I didn’t order any pizza!
19
00:05:31.292 --> 00:05:32.875
With extra 9 millimeter
20
00:05:46.458 --> 00:05:47.458
Mooooom?!
21
00:10:34.458 --> 00:10:36.208
Darling! Breakfast is ready!
22
00:12:01.958 --> 00:12:04.333
Do you know Why Americans
don’t have hemorrhoids?
23
00:12:05.500 --> 00:12:07.333
Because all the assholes live in Canada!
24
00:12:08.000 --> 00:12:10.167
Hopkins” You old sack of shit”
25
00:12:16.333 --> 00:12:18.125
Did they give you bionic balls too?
26
00:12:18.417 --> 00:12:20.333
You know I’ve already got balls of steel!
27
00:12:32.625 --> 00:12:34.065
Okay, let’s not break your new toy!!
28
00:12:34.333 --> 00:12:35.693
It’s good to see you again, John!
29
00:12:36.125 --> 00:12:37.765
Shit, you look like somebody’s secretary”
30
00:12:38.000 --> 00:12:41.250
An Air Force Uniform,
and you get all the pussy, dude...
31
00:12:42.000 --> 00:12:44.625
So I left the Army!! You
want me to hook you up?
32
00:12:44.917 --> 00:12:47.208
I’m good pussy-Wise, man. And
you can keep your desk job.
33
00:12:48.125 --> 00:12:51.365
Holy Shit Hopkins, for all those years
I thought you were rotting in a rice paddy!
34
00:12:51.542 --> 00:12:52.742
How did you survive this shit?
35
00:12:52.917 --> 00:12:54.083
The usual routine...
36
00:12:55.208 --> 00:12:58.708
It all started when those fucking
gooks unleashed Raptors on my ass...
37
00:14:00.667 --> 00:14:01.792
Fuck off bastard!
38
00:14:06.500 --> 00:14:07.583
Fuck off bastard!
39
00:14:14.958 --> 00:14:16.792
Hey Hopkins, Need a Hand??
40
00:14:28.167 --> 00:14:32.083
Come on, you fucking bastard
commie lizards swingers...
41
00:14:34.917 --> 00:14:37.250
Come on Kowalsky!!!
Get to the chopper!!!
42
00:14:38.583 --> 00:14:43.458
Yes, we are gonna have a little party,
oh yes a nice little party just you and me
43
00:14:45.208 --> 00:14:47.750
A party, a little party,
a nice little party...
44
00:14:55.042 --> 00:14:57.125
That was the last time I saw Kowalsky...
45
00:14:57.542 --> 00:14:59.250
He was a nice guy...
For a Polack!
46
00:14:59.542 --> 00:15:00.542
Fucking mess...
47
00:15:01.833 --> 00:15:03.313
I wonder What became of Snow White...
48
00:15:04.917 --> 00:15:07.375
So! What brings you to
the boondocks, Hopkins?
49
00:15:07.667 --> 00:15:09.458
I’ve got good news and bad news John
50
00:15:10.375 --> 00:15:11.375
Good News First
51
00:15:11.833 --> 00:15:13.125
They murdered your ex-Wife
52
00:15:13.542 --> 00:15:14.542
Shit...
53
00:15:16.917 --> 00:15:18.125
No more alimony!!!
54
00:15:23.042 --> 00:15:24.208
And they took your kid!
55
00:15:27.042 --> 00:15:28.643
Don't mess John!
It's up to the police to handle this!!
56
00:15:28.667 --> 00:15:30.434
Tell me everything you know, Hopkins!
Spill it!
57
00:15:30.458 --> 00:15:32.618
We’re not in Vietnam anymore John,
there are laws here!
58
00:15:32.792 --> 00:15:33.792
I can’t say anything!
59
00:15:33.875 --> 00:15:35.309
Now you listen to me, you son of a bitch!
60
00:15:35.333 --> 00:15:38.018
You've never been able to put your
dick in anything but fat-mama San!!
61
00:15:38.042 --> 00:15:39.434
You don’t know What it’s like
to have a kid!
62
00:15:39.458 --> 00:15:41.643
That’s fucking cold, John...
there was that girl in high school...
63
00:15:41.667 --> 00:15:42.667
Where, When, How!!??
64
00:15:43.458 --> 00:15:45.893
You have no clue about the shitstorm
you’re about to walk into...
65
00:15:45.917 --> 00:15:47.208
Walking in is the easy part
66
00:15:47.542 --> 00:15:49.942
it’s walking out Without your
dick in a sling that’s rough...
67
00:15:53.250 --> 00:15:55.750
A joint operation between
the FBI and the Air Force
68
00:15:56.042 --> 00:15:58.208
has been set-up to nail
a big weapons dealer.
69
00:16:00.042 --> 00:16:02.542
As of yet we don't know who he
is or where he operates from.
70
00:16:03.167 --> 00:16:04.487
What’s the deal with my daughter?
71
00:16:04.583 --> 00:16:07.583
You will not believe me John,
but his men... They are Ninjas!
72
00:16:08.083 --> 00:16:10.167
Shit!
Those fuckers again!
73
00:16:19.750 --> 00:16:22.958
I’ve gone undercover into a gang of bikers,
and I’ve set up a deal in a few days.
74
00:16:23.333 --> 00:16:24.973
We are gonna nail them John, don’t worry!
75
00:17:16.667 --> 00:17:18.125
On time, as promised
76
00:17:49.292 --> 00:17:52.000
Do you know Why your ancestors
roamed the desert for 40 years?
77
00:17:55.667 --> 00:17:58.000
Because an asshole lost a coin!!
78
00:17:59.125 --> 00:18:01.042
Freeze motherfucker FBI!!!
79
00:18:09.542 --> 00:18:10.542
Surprises!
80
00:18:10.875 --> 00:18:12.500
I love surprises”
81
00:18:12.917 --> 00:18:14.750
I LOVE SURPRISES!!
82
00:18:17.208 --> 00:18:18.458
Hey Hopkins”
83
00:18:21.042 --> 00:18:22.708
How is your arm doing?
84
00:18:42.542 --> 00:18:43.542
Shit!
85
00:18:53.667 --> 00:18:54.667
Freeze!
86
00:19:16.083 --> 00:19:17.917
Greetings from Smith and Wesson!
87
00:19:35.375 --> 00:19:36.375
John...
88
00:19:37.375 --> 00:19:38.375
You!!!
89
00:20:32.292 --> 00:20:34.417
Come Closer... I'll speak...
90
00:20:48.750 --> 00:20:49.934
Where is my daughter you motherfucker”
91
00:20:49.958 --> 00:20:51.558
It’s not a way to treat an old friend...
92
00:21:02.625 --> 00:21:04.667
Reunions, I love reunions!
93
00:21:42.542 --> 00:21:44.333
Hey John! I almost forgot!
94
00:21:44.750 --> 00:21:47.583
If you want your kid back,
I’ve got a job for you!
95
00:21:58.250 --> 00:22:01.542
Fuck” If I’d known I was going to
die today I would have got laid...
96
00:22:01.833 --> 00:22:05.083
Hold on Hopkins it’s gonna be OK!
Hold on!
97
00:22:05.500 --> 00:22:08.375
You know, there is something
I never told you John...
98
00:22:12.417 --> 00:22:14.667
You know, all that racist bullshit...
99
00:22:16.583 --> 00:22:17.667
My old man...
100
00:22:18.292 --> 00:22:20.625
He died in a concentration camp...
101
00:22:20.917 --> 00:22:22.042
Shit Hopkins, I didn’t know
102
00:22:26.250 --> 00:22:28.500
He fell from the guard tower!
103
00:25:46.542 --> 00:25:50.667
Colonel, the American is here,
the American is in Val Verde
104
00:25:50.958 --> 00:25:52.125
Thank you Bernardo
105
00:27:30.917 --> 00:27:31.917
Don’t worry...
106
00:27:33.625 --> 00:27:35.042
I’ll keep an eye on him...
107
00:28:08.208 --> 00:28:09.368
It will have cost you an arm!
108
00:28:13.958 --> 00:28:14.958
And a leg!
109
00:30:36.333 --> 00:30:38.458
Beautiful! Bravo John!
110
00:30:38.958 --> 00:30:40.958
I hope my little warm-up...
Pleased you!
111
00:30:41.250 --> 00:30:42.610
Where is my daughter motherfucker!
112
00:30:59.125 --> 00:31:00.125
Jenny!
113
00:31:14.750 --> 00:31:19.542
Sargent Kowalsky was part of my experiments
when I was working for the Soviet Union...
114
00:31:20.917 --> 00:31:24.542
Like your friend... “Snow White”.
115
00:31:24.875 --> 00:31:26.500
Unfortunately, he didn’t survive
116
00:31:29.292 --> 00:31:31.417
You could have been a
wonderful guinea pig John!
117
00:31:31.708 --> 00:31:36.042
If only that... goddamn Colonel Yin
didn’t let you go...
118
00:31:36.333 --> 00:31:38.917
Well, let’s get to the point...
119
00:31:39.583 --> 00:31:43.792
John, you are known to be the best
warrior in the world, and I need you,
120
00:31:44.125 --> 00:31:45.333
to train my Ninja Army
121
00:31:46.000 --> 00:31:50.458
and set-up a new world order,
thanks to my new organization...
122
00:31:51.167 --> 00:31:52.542
THE PENTANGLE!
123
00:32:03.500 --> 00:32:04.917
Kowalsky let her go, it’s me John!
124
00:32:06.542 --> 00:32:07.625
Don’t sweat it!
125
00:32:08.125 --> 00:32:13.167
His brain has been replaced by a powerful
4Mhz microprocessor, to make him
126
00:32:13.458 --> 00:32:15.792
a Perfect - Little - Soldier!
127
00:32:17.667 --> 00:32:20.542
So... What do you think of
my proposal John?
128
00:32:21.042 --> 00:32:23.833
If you want your kid back,
then you gonna cooperate, right?
129
00:32:27.333 --> 00:32:28.542
Kiddy wants to say something?
130
00:32:30.708 --> 00:32:32.917
Kill all these bastards
until the last one dad!!
131
00:32:33.208 --> 00:32:34.208
That's my girl!
132
00:32:38.583 --> 00:32:39.875
To the helicopter, quick!
133
00:32:45.167 --> 00:32:46.167
Daddyyyyy!
134
00:32:49.000 --> 00:32:50.600
Sargent Kowlaksy stop! This is an order!
135
00:33:21.125 --> 00:33:22.958
No no no no no Noooo!
136
00:33:23.250 --> 00:33:24.250
Yes!
137
00:33:31.125 --> 00:33:33.000
Lower! Lower!
138
00:33:33.292 --> 00:33:35.917
Lower! Come on! Lower!
139
00:33:45.208 --> 00:33:46.375
Farewell John!
140
00:33:48.167 --> 00:33:49.917
I think our little deal is off!
141
00:33:51.667 --> 00:33:54.375
But don’t worry, I will
take care of your daughter!
142
00:34:14.458 --> 00:34:16.292
I can look after myself,
you creepy bastard!
143
00:34:24.208 --> 00:34:25.750
[Kowalsky it's over!]
144
00:34:26.750 --> 00:34:28.083
It's me, John, Remember?
145
00:34:28.792 --> 00:34:30.292
[Let her go]
146
00:34:33.167 --> 00:34:34.292
I told you to let her go!
147
00:34:34.708 --> 00:34:36.458
[I told you to let her go!]
148
00:34:40.542 --> 00:34:43.167
What are you doing Kowalsky, don't mess!
I told you to let her go!
149
00:34:45.833 --> 00:34:47.125
Daddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
150
00:34:47.417 --> 00:34:48.458
Jennyyyyyyyy!
151
00:34:49.042 --> 00:34:50.417
Daddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!
152
00:34:50.750 --> 00:34:55.167
Noooooooooo!
153
00:36:34.875 --> 00:36:35.875
You are an American”
154
00:36:36.542 --> 00:36:38.333
But in your blood must flow
Ninja Blood”
155
00:36:39.750 --> 00:36:40.958
As says the Ninja Code,
156
00:36:41.542 --> 00:36:44.000
Me must teach you Art of Ninjitsu!!
157
00:36:47.792 --> 00:36:48.792
Teach me!
158
00:39:21.458 --> 00:39:25.292
A true ninja knows how to
master the 4 elements,
159
00:39:26.542 --> 00:39:30.250
but you need to master
the Fifth Element!
160
00:39:35.917 --> 00:39:36.958
Air...
161
00:39:40.958 --> 00:39:41.958
Fire...
162
00:39:44.958 --> 00:39:45.958
Water...
163
00:39:49.458 --> 00:39:50.458
Earth...
164
00:39:56.250 --> 00:39:57.500
and Time!
165
00:40:00.458 --> 00:40:01.750
Focus!
166
00:40:03.792 --> 00:40:05.833
Forget all What you knew...
167
00:40:06.875 --> 00:40:09.083
Don’t walk into the past...
168
00:40:10.208 --> 00:40:12.167
Don’t dream of the future...
169
00:40:13.042 --> 00:40:14.333
FOCUS!
170
00:40:15.042 --> 00:40:16.167
And what will be...
171
00:40:16.875 --> 00:40:18.083
WILL BE!
172
00:50:02.083 --> 00:50:04.458
Remember, my American disciple...
173
00:50:04.750 --> 00:50:10.417
Only a Commando Ninja,
can kill another Commando Ninja!
174
00:50:12.125 --> 00:50:14.917
Their can be only one true Ninja!
175
00:50:16.125 --> 00:50:19.458
But Sensei, did you train any other
Commando Ninja before me?
176
00:50:21.917 --> 00:50:24.250
I’ve had another disciple before you,
177
00:50:25.458 --> 00:50:26.458
very strong,
178
00:50:27.708 --> 00:50:28.708
Formidable!
179
00:50:31.250 --> 00:50:32.875
But that person strayed from the path
180
00:50:33.875 --> 00:50:35.792
and was lost into the dark side!
181
00:50:37.042 --> 00:50:39.583
Now they are... A Red Ninja”
182
00:50:44.083 --> 00:50:46.958
The day will come, my American Disciple
183
00:50:47.250 --> 00:50:48.375
you’ll know!
184
00:50:49.292 --> 00:50:52.333
And you’ll have to cross the fire
of destiny alone!
185
00:50:54.625 --> 00:50:55.625
Now GO!
186
00:50:56.125 --> 00:50:58.333
Commando Ninja!
187
00:53:41.708 --> 00:53:42.917
No!
188
00:53:44.167 --> 00:53:45.417
Wait John!
189
00:53:46.708 --> 00:53:47.750
Lori is that you?
190
00:53:48.042 --> 00:53:49.125
Yes it’s me John...
191
00:53:51.125 --> 00:53:54.292
Lori, your Wife, remember?
192
00:53:54.708 --> 00:53:56.188
But you’re dead!
How is this possible?
193
00:53:57.500 --> 00:54:00.750
The Colonel Kinsky time travel device...
194
00:54:03.083 --> 00:54:06.083
The Lori who was murdered
was a Lori from another space and time...
195
00:54:07.500 --> 00:54:10.700
So this is Why those fucking Ninjas were
always one step ahead of us back in Nam!
196
00:54:14.875 --> 00:54:17.625
When Kinsky first discovered
that technology...
197
00:54:17.917 --> 00:54:20.958
He first hired out his
services to the Soviet Union
198
00:54:23.167 --> 00:54:24.167
Then...
199
00:54:24.292 --> 00:54:26.042
as he became richer
200
00:54:26.333 --> 00:54:28.333
his thirst for power grew and grew!
201
00:54:29.417 --> 00:54:30.667
Jenny? Where is she?
202
00:54:31.708 --> 00:54:35.083
Into the future John, in 1998...
203
00:54:36.417 --> 00:54:38.917
Where the colonel is secretly training
his Great army...
204
00:54:40.208 --> 00:54:41.417
Send me into the future!
205
00:54:41.958 --> 00:54:43.333
Do it, for Jenny!
206
00:54:54.000 --> 00:54:55.167
Bring her back John...
207
00:54:56.083 --> 00:54:59.708
Everything could be back like when
we were a family,
208
00:55:00.000 --> 00:55:02.583
You, me and Jenny!
209
00:55:09.792 --> 00:55:11.375
I don't like your new pajamas!
210
00:55:46.792 --> 00:55:48.542
There can be only one Ninja!
211
00:57:09.500 --> 00:57:12.542
Holy Shit... the democrats must
have taken over...
212
00:58:10.667 --> 00:58:12.507
I’m looking for my daughter,
have you seen her?
213
00:58:42.708 --> 00:58:46.125
I... HATE... PUNKS!!
214
01:00:13.708 --> 01:00:15.417
Hey Dad, it’s been a While!!
215
01:00:18.417 --> 01:00:19.417
Jenny?
216
01:00:21.958 --> 01:00:23.458
I missed you so much Dad!
217
01:00:29.708 --> 01:00:30.792
How is that possible?
218
01:00:31.333 --> 01:00:32.693
We left each other 20 minutes ago!
219
01:00:35.375 --> 01:00:37.500
I think we’ve got a lot to tell
each other dad!
220
01:01:02.208 --> 01:01:03.208
Jenny watch out!!!
221
01:01:05.208 --> 01:01:06.208
Daaad!!!
222
01:01:36.042 --> 01:01:37.042
Kowalsky!!
223
01:01:37.750 --> 01:01:39.458
You fucking commie toaster”
224
01:01:39.792 --> 01:01:40.333
Wait Dad”
225
01:01:40.625 --> 01:01:41.667
I reprogrammed Kowalsky,
226
01:01:41.958 --> 01:01:44.078
He helped me survive all those
years Without you dad!!
227
01:01:44.583 --> 01:01:45.583
He is with us now”
228
01:01:47.333 --> 01:01:48.667
Nice to see you again buddy!
229
01:01:57.667 --> 01:02:00.627
There may have been some glitches on
the language pack when I rebooted him!
230
01:02:45.042 --> 01:02:47.522
Did I ever tell you about the Irish man
who didn’t want to die?
231
01:02:47.667 --> 01:02:48.125
Hopkins!
232
01:02:48.542 --> 01:02:49.667
Uncle Hopkins!15816
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