Original subtitles

Bye.

Thank you so much for joining us. It has been a busy week. There were no King's

protests around the US and the world. Whatever this was happened.

And the White House tweeted, America will never give up the moon again, which

definitely something I was worried about.

Meanwhile, the Iran war entered its second month. Though Trump tries not to

the word war for reasons he probably shouldn't be saying out loud.

I won't use the word war because they say if you use the word war, that's

not a good thing to do.

They don't like the word war because you're supposed to get approval.

So I'll use the word military operation, which is really what it is. What? He

really just talks like a six -year -old speaking stream of consciousness to a

stranger. And my mom says I'm not allowed to talk about my penis with

people, even though everybody has one. Well, not her and not my sister, but my

dad and I both have penises. But I can't say that when there are too many people

around, even though everyone knows because they have their own penises,

they don't, but I do.

But look, whatever you call this conflict, it has been chaos. Last

Trump threatened to attack Iran's power grid if the Strait of Hormuz wasn't

opened, writing he'd be starting with the biggest power plant first, which

be a war crime if this was a war. But luckily, we now know it isn't.

Then on Monday, he said he'd delay those strikes for five days after very good

and productive conversations with Iran, discussions they've denied took place.

He's since extended the deadline until April 6th, even as Iran continues to

U .S. bases and allies across the region. Almost 2 ,000 Iranians have been

killed, as have at least 13 U .S. service members. And Trump's reportedly

weighing whether to move an additional 10 ,000 troops to the region. It sure

feels like we're in an unnecessary war with no end game. Though the president's

supporters will insist that if you just look at things in the right way, it all

makes sense.

Here's why we went in to Iran.

We had no choice.

The president didn't start a war.

He was trying to stop a war.

Oh, I get it.

Sometimes you have to start a war to stop a war.

It's the same way you have to spend money to make money or fake it till you

it. You know, any of those things that people say when they're in way over

head. And look, there'll clearly be more to say about Iran going forward. But

for now, we're going to dive straight in with our main story this week, which

concerns Hungary.

A country with over a thousand years of rich history, a proud culture, and

absolutely no chance of you finding it on this map. No chance whatsoever.

No shade to Hungary, by the way. That is all on you.

Hungary's given a lot to the world, from Bela Lugosi to the Rubik's Cube to, of

course, the game Hungry, Hungry Hippos. Yeah, that second Hungary has an A in

it. Always did.

Wild, huh?

It's also brought us one of the Internet's greatest ever memes.

András, a retired electric engineer, was asked to be a model for stock photos

ten years ago. The Internet discovered them and decided that his smile hides a

deep sorrow.

He became Hide the Pain Harold.

A flurry of memes followed, and Andras found that his face was the laughing

stock of the internet.

If I wanted to draw a lesson from what happened to me, I would say life throws

all kinds of challenges at you. You have to take it as it comes, try out as many

things as possible, and who knows, you might even become a meme.

Okay, Harold, but I'm not sure you might become a meme is quite as aspirational

as you think, though to be fair...

putting on a brave smile despite inner regret, is kind of this guy's whole

thing.

He brings that hide -the -pain energy to all his stock photos, whether he's

answering the phone, whisking eggs, painting a wall, reading a patient's x

or riding an exercise bike. Even when he is Santa, and his face is covered by a

hat and a beard, Harold's eyes still manage to hide the pain.

Look at that and tell me that Santa didn't just accidentally run over an elf

hastily hide the body.

Now... The reason I want to talk about Hungary is it's set for elections on

April 12th. Voters there will choose a new national assembly, their parliament,

which in turn will mean either a new prime minister or the re -election of

current one, Viktor Orbán. He's been in office since 2010 with an absolute

majority in Hungary's government for the entire 16 years of his tenure. He's

actually the longest serving current head of government in the EU.

And if you want a quick taste... of what kind of leader Orban's been. Take this

testimonial video that he posted, featuring a real who's who of people

called arseholes on this show, including Netanyahu, Marine Le Pen, Javier Mele,

and a fourth person that I'll let you discover for yourself.

Security cannot be taken for granted. It must be won, and I think Viktor Orban

has all those qualities.

He has the tenacity, the courage, the wisdom.

To protect this country. It is thanks to leaders like Viktor that the camp of

patriots, defenders of nations, and sovereign people is winning in Europe.

I fervently support Prime Minister Orban and the Fidesz party.

And I want to congratulate him and also to encourage all Hungarians to continue

and move forward to protect your great culture and your amazing country.

It's none other than Academy Award -watching actor Rob Schneider.

And that is a pretty weird cameo there. It's like if the Avengers movie starred

three Avengers and also Rob Schneider.

But it's not just those celebrities and also Rob Schneider.

Orban has a close relationship with many conservatives in this country. He's not

only been invited to speak at CPAC, CPAC itself has been holding a satellite

conference in Hungary for the past few years, where numerous US conservatives

have shown up arguing that America really should be taking a lesson from

work. There are many conservative members of Congress who, like me, want

Hungary as a beacon in the West.

Hungary's immigration policy should serve as a model to the United States.

One place where Hungary clearly has led Europe is in reasserting its national

identity, specifically with regard to rejecting mass migration.

Little did I know I would walk into Budapest and basically see all of the

policies that we dream for in Arizona.

Okay, well, first, based on that blouse, I don't think Carrie Lake came from

Arizona as much as from 1987.

But also, if you love Budapest so much, please know that you can and should go

live there.

The point is, Republicans love Viktor Orban. He's even been officially

in this upcoming election by Trump, who once praised him like this.

You know, I was very honored as a man.

Viktor Orban.

Did anyone ever hear of him? He's probably...

Like one of the strongest leaders anywhere in the world.

He's the leader of Turkey.

Close, though.

You are thinking of the right planet. In Trump's defence, Hungary and Turkey are

both in the same region, both ruled by an authoritarian, and both words that a

caveman would say while ordering a sandwich. So you can see why his brain

there. And the love fest between Orbán and American conservatives is a two -way

street. In fact, just last Saturday, he spoke at the latest CPAC Hungary and

outlined exactly how he sees himself fitting in to a global conservative

movement.

Since President Trump's win, the Western world has become a better place.

Gender propaganda and woke ideology have been pushed back.

People can proudly embrace Christianity as the foundation and sustaining force

of our civilization.

What's happening now is the largest political realignment in Western

civilization in 100 years.

The epicenter of this change is the United States, and its European forward

is Hungary.

Wow, there is a lot there. But citing the West's largest political realignment

in 100 years is pretty striking given, you know, what started happening in

Europe around 100 years ago.

That's right, Winnie the Pooh was first published. I don't know what you were

thinking about. But you should know, things in Hungary aren't actually going

great. On Orban's watch, it's become one of the poorest countries in the EU. So

it's frankly no surprise that in recent years, there have been plenty of

protests against Orban's government like this one.

What's up with the zebra? What does the zebra symbolize?

According to the rumors, Orban has an athlete in the countryside where zebras

were spotted.

The sign back there, that's kind of the...

Center of this Hungary is a dictatorship and then I'm being told Oh one G means

Orban is a sperm Orban is a sperm

Which I assume isn't insulting to just mean that he tastes

slightly better when you eat pineapple Also that rumor about zebras being

spotted is amazing.

It's true as all the zebras I've ever seen have been striped

got that guy so good.

This show is your only source for animal puns and jokes about drinking semen in,

frankly, too rapid succession.

Orban's Fidesz party has actually been trailing by double digits in most polls

ahead of this election, but they may well still win anyway.

for reasons that we'll get into later. So, given Hungary's election is just

around the corner, and just how invested in Orban conservatives here clearly

are, we thought tonight it might be worth taking a look at Viktor Orban. And

let's start with a little history. I'll skip past the stuff that we all learned

in school about Hungary, like how it, say it with me, was part of the Soviet

plot for much of the 20th century, where it operated under a communist

dictatorship. Exactly.

We're all on the same page.

thanks to America's famously thorough and globally curious education system.

But when the communist bloc began to crumble, Orban was in the right place at

the right time. Here he is in 1989 as a 26 -year -old, calling for the

withdrawal of Soviet troops and free Hungarian elections. And while I am no

of Orban's later work, I will admit, he was a late 80s snack.

He's like Mel Gibson there. He's got the hair, the intensity, and the looming

sense that things will eventually take a dark turn.

After the fall of Soviet communism, Orban took part in talks that eventually

to Hungary's democracy. And at the time, he and Fidesz were actually a

relatively liberal youth movement. In fact, early on, only people under 35

even join the party.

Just look at one of their early 90s campaign ads.

Here and something different.

A blank slate.

A new democracy.

A new Hungary.

Vote for Fidesz.

That ad has got everything 90s kids loved. Maps, an orange,

dominoes, and a bunch of guys who look like they're running for the president

a college radio station.

Viktor Orban, Hungarian Anthony Michael Hall, a steakhouse waiter on his smoke

break, and of course, Virgin John Mayer.

Back then, Fidesz campaigned on adopting Western European economic and political

standards and limiting the role of the state and the influence of religion on

public life. But... After Orban was elected to parliament in 1990, he

moving the party to the right. He eventually became Europe's youngest

minister in 1998, only to lose after just one term. And in his years out of

power, he continued moving to the right, amping up nationalist populist rhetoric

and starting to wrap himself in religion. And as he tells it now, he

pretty stark philosophy.

In order to win, it is not enough to know what you are fighting for.

You also have to know how you should fight.

My answer is play by your own rules.

Now, on the surface, play by your own rules is a pretty banal sentiment. It's

the live, laugh, love for people who haven't been divorced yet.

But Hungary soon found out what he meant by that in a political sense.

Because in 2010, after the global financial crisis and the scandal in

ruling party, Orban was swept back into power with a two -thirds supermajority

and immediately began tampering with the rules to make sure he never lost again.

As he put it, we have to win once, but then win big.

Essentially meaning, if he ever gained power, he'd use it to fortify his

position indefinitely.

And we only have to win once is one of the more ominous things to hear from a

leader. It's right up there along with, trust me, you're going to love the Kool

-Aid. Open the gates, Papa, gotta get a closer look at that big old horse. And

no smoking, what is this, a blimp for dorks? Pass me my lighter.

Sure enough, once back in power, Orbán moved swiftly to solidify control.

In his first year in office, the government rushed through hundreds of

and ushered through a brand new constitution that was drafted behind

doors and debated in Parliament for only nine days.

There were also big changes to Hungary's election system, including

gerrymandering maps to stack the odds heavily in Orbán's favour. As a result,

2014, his party won 45 % of the vote, but 91 % of the district.

In fact, thanks to that and other tweaks, independent... observers have

Hungarian elections since then free but not fair, which is an interesting

combination. You are free to vote for anyone you want, whether it's Orbán or

whoever inevitably loses to him.

And while changes like those could theoretically have faced legal

Orbán's also co -opted Hungary's court system, packing it with loyalists and

passing a constitutional amendment that removes the court's power to evaluate

any new constitutional amendment.

And when you take all of that together, As this scholar points out, it was

basically a coup, but a very 21st century one.

We tend to think of a coup, right, as happening with tanks in the streets, you

know, and the military takeover and the announcement on radio that, you know,

all civil liberties have died.

That's not what autocracy looks like anymore.

You don't get phalanxes of tanks.

You get phalanxes of lawyers.

That is chilling, because...

If there is one thing that is scarier than a tank, it is a lawyer.

Believe me.

We have a bunch of them for this show, and they are constantly yelling things

like, John, you can't do this, or John, you can't show that, or John, you can't

say with no evidence that Millie Bobby Brown helped plan the 9 -11 attacks.

That's defamation, and we will get sued. So reluctantly, I don't say it. Though

I will say she hasn't denied it.

We admittedly haven't asked, but her silence says something.

But it's not just Orban control of government.

Part of the way he's won over the Hungarian public is through his control

media. After returning to power, his government created a new agency to

heavy fines for coverage that it considered unbalanced or offensive, as

founding a new state media organisation called MTVA, overseeing all public media

across TV, radio and the internet.

Listen to one anonymous employee there explain just how much editorial control

Orbán had.

Every single thing connected to domestic politics is...

restricted. I mean, you can't write anything bad about the government.

For example, if something is politically sensitive, I get instructions.

In some cases, I have the whole ready -made article, so I don't need to do

anything, no editing, just control -C, copy and paste the whole article,

It's unimaginable, to be honest.

Yeah, those conditions clearly aren't ideal for a news outlet.

There is a reason they typically don't give out the bullets before Excellence

Control V.

A study of one public TV nightly news show found that over six months there

wasn't a single instance of governing party politicians appearing on screen in

negative light. Literally zero seconds of negative coverage, which should not

possible. Politicians attract negative coverage about everything they do.

whether it's about their offensive fashion faux pas or their court -ordered

liability for sexual abuse, to pick two equivalent examples.

And Orban's reach goes well beyond state media, as his allies bought up tons of

private independent outlets and then centralised many of them under a single

foundation. According to the investigative journalism outlet Adlazo,

allies of the Prime Minister have been buying up numerous Hungarian media

outlets. Men like former Hollywood producer Andy Weiner...

and old -school friend Lawrence Metherosh are among a group of 14 Orban

who've collectively bought 11 radio stations, 20 television channels, and

to 500 online and print organisations.

Wow, a far -right leader's friends and allies just buying up all the media

outlets in the country and turning them into conservative sycophants? Can you

imagine that?

I sure can't. That's definitely not something I've had recurring nightmares

about for the past month.

And the result of all this...

Orbán's party currently controls roughly 80 % of the media market. And this

level of influence over laws, courts, elections and the media has allowed

to reshape Hungary virtually unchecked on the international level. That's meant

being a constant thorn in the EU side, especially when it comes to dealing with

Russia. Orbán's consistently had the friendliest ties to the Kremlin in the

European Union. In fact, he's long weaponised Hungary's veto power at the

block Russia -related sanctions, tie up financial aid to Ukraine and...

repeatedly stall urgent EU decisions.

And it says something that even a decade ago, this is how the then President of

the European Commission greeted Orban at a summit.

The dictator is coming.

Dictator.

It's pretty good.

It's pretty good.

And while I do not condone violence, there are a few scenarios where I think

it's fine to slap someone.

When you're trying to revive them, when you are Cher and you really need Nick

Cage to snap out of it, and of course, whenever you have the chance to hit an

authoritarian in the face.

Meanwhile, domestically...

Organs reshaped Hungary into what's basically a theme park of reactionary

talking points. For instance, he's railed against Europe becoming a mixed

society and opposes allowing asylum seekers into Hungary despite EU and

international laws.

During the migrant and refugee crisis a decade ago, Hungary was accused of

unlawful detention and violence against asylum seekers. And he made a big show

back then of being openly hostile toward them, even going so far as to build an

electrified border fence, which inevitably got this rave review from

Carlson. Hungary began building the fence in June of 2015.

By September, it was done.

Pretty?

Look, there are three things you can rely on in this life. Death, taxes, and

you build a fence to keep out immigrants, Tucker Carlson is going to

fuck it.

If he really does want to kiss some electrified barbed wire, who am I to

him? Love is love.

But even as migration to Europe has declined, Orbán has continued to

about how, if it weren't for him, Hungary might be forced to accept

refugees, who he has falsely characterized as disease -ridden threats

health, extremist planning terrorist acts, and agents of a plot to replace

native Europeans with foreigners. All while...

reaching for a now familiar scapegoat, suggesting George Soros was

a nefarious plan to overrun Hungary with refugees, and posting billboards and

full -page media ads with the caption, Don't let Soros have the last laugh.

And it wasn't just billboards.

Orban's government also passed a law officially called Stop Soros, that made

illegal to help asylum seekers, even just with their paperwork, and led a

campaign to shut down the Hungarian university that Soros founded.

Though, what is a little strange about Orban's anti -Soros vendetta, is that

back in 1989, he actually received a Soros -funded scholarship to study at

Oxford University, where I presume he majored in irony.

But immigrants in Soros aren't Orbán's only punching bag. His government's also

gone after Hungary's LGBTQ community, something that he bragged about at CPAC.

To sum up, the mother is a woman, the father is a man, and leave our

kids alone.

Full stop.

End of discussion.

We decided we don't need more genders, we need more rangers.

Less drag queens and more Chuck Norris.

What?

That doesn't make...

Any sense?

The number of genders has nothing to do with the number of rangers, and the

number of drag queens has nothing to do with the number of Chuck Norrises,

especially because the most Chuck Norrises you can have is one, and that

went down to zero last week.

And if this is how you are finding that out, surprise!

But it's not just rhetoric.

Orban's government officially redefined family, which meant an effective ban on

adoption by same -sex couples and banned trans people from changing their gender

on their IDs.

In 2021, Hungary even passed a law banning depicting or promoting LGBT plus

content in schools and the media. And if that sounds...

at all familiar to you, it may be because just nine months after that,

Rondesantis signed his version of it, focused on classroom instruction, the so

-called Don't Say Gay law.

But perhaps the policy that sums up Orban's obsessions the best, from

conservatism to panic over migrants, is his relentless focus on Hungary's low

birth rate.

He's tried to increase it by introducing incentives like tax exemptions and

interest -free loans of about $30 ,000 for parents, which then get cancelled if

they have three children. And that's a pretty good deal, but does make giving

kids the talk a little more complicated. Well, when a man and a woman love each

other very much, but also get a sick low -interest loan from the Hungarian

government, that's how babies are made.

Orvons framed the need for Hungarians to procreate as an existential crisis,

because to hear him tell it in this ad that his government posted, the

alternative is for the country to be overrun by migrants.

Okay, obviously that's yet more great replacement fear -mongering, but as for

you can make fish soup from fish, but you can't make fish from fish soup, is

that folk wisdom? Or is that just how soup works?

I'm just saying, if your Nana pointed at a bowl of soup and said, you can't make

fish out of that, you'd be looking at retirement home brochures that

Also, for what it's worth, that metaphor cuts both ways, because I've found,

with fish soup as with country, when you add more ingredients, it tends to taste

better. Otherwise, what you have is hot fish water.

But Orban is serious about this. He spent about 5 % of Hungary's GDP on

programmes incentivising families to have kids, but it hasn't worked.

Hungary's fertility rate recently dipped to the lowest in a decade and their

population is still shrinking.

And that might be because people just don't feel optimistic about raising kids

in Orban's Hungary, a place where two -thirds of the citizens describe the

national education system as bad, or where even the Conservative Heritage

Foundation has put its government at the bottom of the EU in its rankings of

government integrity.

And that is the thing about Viktor Orban. For all the fear -mongering he's

all the fences he's built, and all the laws he's passed to protect... Hungary

from the threat of migrants, gays, and George Soros. He's fundamentally failed

when it comes to the basics of good governance.

Funding for schools and hospitals there has gotten so dire, he had to sign an

executive order to ensure medical facilities were stocked with toilet

Although, to hear his health secretary tell it, any complaints that people had

about that were completely unreasonable.

In an operation as big as the Hungarian hospital system, which is 3 million

square meters and has tens of thousands of people visiting every day, I consider

it a mathematical impossibility that there should be toilet paper in all

hospital bathrooms at all times.

To this day, I maintain that this is a mathematical impossibility.

Look, I've heard some bad talking points in the past, but it's mathematically

impossible for our hospitals to have toilet paper is right up there. I'm

only surprised it didn't go on to suggest hospitals just hang a sign in

bathroom reminding people that using their socks is always an option.

And it is not a great sign for Orbán that some of his heaviest -handed

now do seem to be backfiring. Take this story from last summer.

Viktor Orbán's government banned LGBTQ public gatherings in March, including

this one.

But that ban only seems to have galvanized countless Hungarians.

They took part in the parade despite the risk of being identified by the

authorities using facial recognition software.

I object to any restriction of rights.

Everyone should be free to choose a partner.

And I condemn any restrictions that crush freedom of assembly and other

freedoms. And that's why I'm here.

I thought the government would make it impossible for this to happen and that

there wouldn't be many people. It's a fantastic feeling that it's a much

crowd than ever before.

Yeah, that is amazing.

And a pretty colossal backfire from Orba.

After all, if the Rob Schneider movie, The Chosen One, taught us anything, it's

the harder you try to oppress people through fear, the more they'll rise up

against you. Now, full disclosure, I don't know if that's really the moral of

that film.

Like everyone else on Earth, I haven't seen it. But what are you going to do?

Watch it yourself to fact -check me? No fucking way!

So, let's just say that's the message of the film and move on, shall we?

So... What happens next? Well, despite the increasing opposition to Orban in

Hungary, the truth is, in this election, the playing field is still tilted

strongly in his favour. And even if he somehow ends up losing the game that

carefully rigged, it's worth knowing his main opponent, Peter Magyar, isn't

exactly the reformer that you would dream of here. He's a former member of

Fidesz who's railed against Orban's corruption, but still shares plenty of

right -leaning views. And even some Hungarians who say they plan to vote for

him... Don't think thrills about it.

I think more and more people want change.

Mr. Major, he used to be a member of Fidesz. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Do you worry that he might be too similar?

Four years later, we will see.

To be honest, if there would be a good left -wing party, I would vote for them.

But there is not.

So I will vote for Major Peter.

So he's not completely on your level when it comes to everything. It's not my

taste, exactly.

Yeah, he's clearly not thrilled about voting for Magyar, but he's willing to

push that discomfort down and put on a happy face anyway. If only there were a

Hungarian meme to capture that sentiment perfectly, I guess we'll never know.

The thing is, regardless of what happens on April 12th, Orban's stranglehold on

power should be alarming for us here in the state. Because he has clearly...

being an inspiration to American conservatives, to the point that J .D.

apparently planning to visit Hungary to show support for Orban ahead of their

election. And that is because, for them, Orban is not a cautionary tale.

He is a blueprint.

To put it another way, if Orban is a sperm, think of Trump as the baby, the

sperm. In fact, you know what? Forget that. It's a disgusting image.

Let's reset and try again.

Look, it's not just me sounding the alarm here. People like this Hungarian

politician have been trying to warn us for a while.

You must be familiar with the fact that there are many U .S. conservatives

coming here to learn from Orban's style of governance.

Why do you think that is?

I don't know why that is, but I know that it's dangerous.

You should take care of your democracy, because fortunately enough, you have

your checks and balances.

If somebody is able to switch them off, you would also slide down. This is what

happened to Hungary, and I really hope that your system, the 200 -year -old

American democracy which I admire, is strong enough to withstand any such

threat. Yeah, he's right. The fact is, we are lucky.

to have the checks and balances that we do. But we would do well to watch for

warning signs of what happened in Hungary starting to happen here. You

small things like, I don't know, stacking the courts, or shameless

gerrymandering, or fear -mongering about immigrants, or presidential allies

buying up the media. You know, anything you might spot like that. And look, it

is not a perfect one -to -one.

Orban's takeover was organised and methodical, while Trump had the

span of a coked -up hummingbird with a head injury. But they're not worlds

either. And I'll say, if the right is looking to Orban as a model, the rest of

us could do a lot worse than to look to those Hungarians in the streets for

inspiration. Because everyone who's ever fought for American democracy, failing

to resist authoritarianism would be a huge slap in the face.

And unfortunately, not the undeniably fun kind.

And now, this.

And now, some disgusting new ballpark food for baseball's opening day.

The Miami Marlins are serving up the machete.

It's a two -foot -wide tortilla with melted mozzarella, Oaxaca cheese, carne

asada, salsa verde, and cilantro.

Yum! The Schwerbaum Sundae. Funnel cake, fried, strawberry,

uncrustable, covered in fruity cereal and served with ice cream.

This is our double diamond waffle fry with cheese sauce, lardons of bacon,

mushroom, beef short ribs braised in red wine, fontina cheese, and some...

crispy onions. The behemoth bat flip. Two pounds of meat and onions and egg

holy moly. I don't know how you're going to eat it.

But I challenge you. Crab mac and cheese hot dog. The Monster Burger topped with

entire Vienna sausages.

Nachos on a stick. Barbecue brisket on a mac and cheese waffle.

A chow mein burrito.

Hempler's jalapeno cheddar bowl. It's got Hempler's jalapeno cheddar sausage

bites with sauteed peppers and onions on dirty Cajun rice.

It's topped with Cajun cream sauce.

You can't tell me if you get that. You're going to be able to stay in your

for nine hours.

You're going to make it two innings, and you're going to be like, I'll see you

in an hour.

Moving on. Before we go, a quick word about branding.

In Trump's second term, he's continued his famous love of slapping his name as

base on things. Just this week, we learned he'd be the first ever sitting

president to put his signature on our currency, and that is just the latest

thing he's awkwardly added himself to, from the Donald J. Trump United States

Institute of Peace, which is bold, to the Kennedy Center, which is now called

the Donald J. Trump and the John F. Kennedy Memorial Center for the

Arts, to even this.

The annual National Parks Pass is getting a new look. As you can see, the

America the Beautiful card features a photo of President Donald Trump near an

image of George Washington.

Well, that is not ideal.

You don't expect a National Parks Pass to feature spooky live -action Statler

and Wardorf here.

I get what they're going for by showcasing America's first and final

together, but...

Trump making himself and famed cherry tree enemy George Washington the faces

our national parks is weird for a number of reasons. First, Trump seems to hate

them. He's made steep cuts to the park service, which has now lost 24 % of its

permanent employees. But also...

The parties have previously focused on the natural beauty of the parks, like

this one featuring an image of a redwood forest, this one featuring a frog with

bedroom eyes, and this one featuring a roseate spoonbill, a bird that always

looks like a regular duck attending the Met Gala.

The point is, the parks' parties were about the parks.

And there's actually a lawsuit right now arguing that Trump's face can't be on

there, as federal law requires the main America the Beautiful pass to feature

the winning photo of the National Parks Foundation's annual public lands photo

contest. That is an argument seemingly backed up by the announcement of last

year's winner, which says this photo by Axel Josie will be featured on the 2026

America the Beautiful annual pass, and does not go on to say, unless that is,

the president feels like replacing it with a shot of him getting a prostate

from George Washington.

Now, the winning photo is on the more expensive pass for international

but the cheaper one for US residents now has Trump slapped on it. While that

winning photo is clearly better, if you'll just permit a quick digression

If you look at the runners -up from that contest, I'd argue they both got

robbed, because second place went to this iconic big bird bonking little

and third place was this absolute masterpiece.

A bear moments after the photographer said, now let's take a silly one.

But obviously, any of these three would be a better choice for a pass than this

image that looks like he asked AI, what would Ebenezer Scrooge look like today?

And it's not just me who thinks that. People buying these passes have

been unpleasantly surprised, like this motorcyclist who filmed himself buying a

pass at an entrance booth and then showed his real -time reaction.

Last year, when I bought a park pass, it was like a cool picture of a lizard or

something on it. So I bought this one, and I'm all like, oh, this will be my

park pass for the year. I wonder what cool picture is on it.

And it's fucking George Washington and fucking lizard.

Oh, man, you know, no love or hate towards anyone specifically, but I just

thought this was funny.

And, you know, I would have preferred like a cool scenic nature.

animal or something.

But this is funny too.

Excellent. And kudos to that guy for rolling with what had to be a

disappointment. You think you're going to see a cool lizard?

Only to get Trump instead? That sucks in any context.

If your friend said, hey, come to the garage. I trapped a cool lizard under a

bucket. But it turned out to be Donald Trump instead?

Oh, man.

Oh, man.

I was really looking forward to that lizard.

And it seems there are plenty of park regulars annoyed at having to carry

his face in their pocket, because some have even come up with ways to cover it

up, like this woman.

Really just want to embrace what people are already expressing everywhere, that

they want to see nature on their national parks pass.

Jenny created stickers out of some of her paintings. There's a grizzly bear

sitting here looking at Denali.

The stickers are the dimensions of the America, the beautiful past.

The back has...

different segments that come off. So it's broken up into segments so they

leave. And they're designed to be peeled off in different ways. So that when

it's adhered to the front of the pass, you could flip that up and show the

diamond underneath.

Yeah, it's pretty clever. Sometimes you've got to get imaginative when

trying to cover something up or make it more palatable. For her, it was

stickers. And for the producers of Snakes on a Plane, it was having Samuel

Jackson retake his lines for a clean version like this.

I have had it with these monkey -fighting snakes on this Monday to

Yeah, it's pretty monkey -fighting smart.

Now, possibly in response to people putting stickers on their passes like

the Department of Interior suddenly updated their rules, explicitly flagging

stickers and other coverings as alterations that could invalidate the

interestingly, stickers of...

never caused an issue before, with one park worker saying, I've personally

accepted passes that people put stickers on because they just like stickers, and

it's never been a problem, which seems fair to me.

Other designers are now selling non -sticker -based solutions, like this

that, what do you know, turns out to fit just perfectly over the car.

These sleeves are apparently selling pretty well on Etsy and getting reviews

like, this is perfect to obscure that face I do not need to see.

Look, there is something inspiring about seeing people find a way to enjoy their

experience at national parks without having to look at the guy who's actively

trying to ruin them. And if you want to, you can still buy any of the things

that I've shown you tonight. But if for whatever reason...

you want to adorn your past even further, perhaps we can help here,

we've designed some stickers that you can download for free that can cover up

either Trump's face or the entire image. First, we contacted the photographer

who took that excellent bear photo, and they have very kindly let us turn it

into a sticker, which honestly works pretty well on that part.

Now, if you...

I want to respect this year's presidential theme, but would like a

president to do that. We've made stickers of all our wax president's

I've got to say, Jimmy Carter's in particular looks great on there. If you

some wildlife, you can print out a sticker of Mr.

Nutterbutter, or if you, like that motorcyclist, would prefer a cool

not try a sticker of one of our earliest mascots, the Russian space gecko?

Again, they each fit pretty nicely on the past.

Finally, if you would prefer a vista to cover the whole image, how about this

one from when we sent our mascot marshmallow, the polar bear with a

penis, to Alaska to bet on an ice -melting contest? Or, of course, this

rendering of what two wild animals get up to when you simply allow nature to

thrive. I would argue it's the perfect image.

To hold your rights to visit all America's national parks for the next 12

months. All of these stickers to cover Trump's face are available for you at

JohnOliverGivesTrumpHead .com Actually, hold on. No, no, no.

I do not like the way that sounds.

It feels wrong to me because we're giving out multiple heads, aren't we? So

should be JohnOliverGivesTrumpHeads .com That is much better. That is our show.

Thank you so much for watching.

We're off for the next couple of weeks back on April 19th. Good night.