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1
00:00:02,160 --> 00:00:08,960
Everytime I pause she look at me
Everytime I pause she look at me
2
00:00:08,960 --> 00:00:11,960
I'm gonna tell my momma
Don't send me down here...
3
00:00:11,960 --> 00:00:14,960
God almighty! Yo, look 'pon dis one.
4
00:00:14,960 --> 00:00:16,960
She sweet, don't it?
Eh, you know her?
5
00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:20,960
Nuh, man, left she alone.
That woman 'ave fire in a she belly!
6
00:00:20,960 --> 00:00:22,960
You don't know
what ya' talking 'bout.
7
00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:24,960
Me 'ave water in my belly.
Make me cool her down.
8
00:00:26,960 --> 00:00:28,960
Boo!
Argh! Ugh!
9
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:32,960
Move away! What is wrong with you?
A joke me a mek, me man. Me sorry!
10
00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:36,960
You lucky me never broke my foot off
inna ya' rass.
11
00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:38,960
Oh, God, look how ya' nose a bleed!
12
00:00:38,960 --> 00:00:42,480
An' you de' one do it!
Sorry, man, sorry.
13
00:00:43,640 --> 00:00:46,960
Me name Aston, by the way.
Myrtle.
14
00:00:49,960 --> 00:00:51,960
You owe me a new handbag.
15
00:00:52,960 --> 00:00:59,960
Then sings my soul
My saviour God, to thee
16
00:01:01,960 --> 00:01:08,960
How great thou art
How great thou art
17
00:01:09,960 --> 00:01:16,960
Then sings my soul
My saviour God, to thee
18
00:01:17,960 --> 00:01:24,960
How great thou art
How great thou art...
19
00:01:27,960 --> 00:01:30,960
I am so sorry for your loss.
20
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:35,960
But I categorically refuse to play
Angels by Robbie Williams.
21
00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:37,960
I will be playing jazz
22
00:01:37,960 --> 00:01:39,960
because it's perfect
for every occasion.
23
00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:45,960
Just give it up, Nick. Let jazz go.
I have and I'm happier for it.
24
00:01:45,960 --> 00:01:49,960
You're regional sales manager
for a dairy-free cheese firm.
25
00:01:49,960 --> 00:01:52,960
Yeah, Lauren's right.
Fill your life with something else.
26
00:01:52,960 --> 00:01:55,960
Find love in Christ,
like me and Sheila.
27
00:01:56,960 --> 00:01:58,960
We're engaged!
God be with you.
28
00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:00,960
Right. What about Victoria?
29
00:02:00,960 --> 00:02:03,320
Who? The love of your life,
who you could never move on from?
30
00:02:03,320 --> 00:02:04,960
Oh, Victoria?
31
00:02:04,960 --> 00:02:08,960
Nah, she was just good times,
and the best sex I ever had.
32
00:02:08,960 --> 00:02:11,000
Well, just cos you two losers
bailed on the band,
33
00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,960
doesn't mean Horace and I have.
34
00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:15,960
Why's he so upset?
I think his nan's dead.
35
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,960
They had a row before she died.
Oh, did she try to slap his legs?
36
00:02:19,960 --> 00:02:23,960
Cos she did that to everyone.
She was a right bitch. What?
37
00:02:23,960 --> 00:02:26,960
The woman was violent,
Nana Myrtle was a fat, mean bitch.
38
00:02:26,960 --> 00:02:30,960
Oh, you all right, Horace?
That's not very nice, is it, Lauren?
39
00:02:30,960 --> 00:02:33,960
Yeah, she was handy with her fists
and could be a "B word,"
40
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:36,960
but she was my nana!
Horace, bruv, where're you going?
41
00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:38,960
Your nan's not gonna bury herself,
man.
42
00:02:38,960 --> 00:02:43,640
Nice one, Lauren. What? Man,
why's everyone so miserable today?
43
00:02:44,960 --> 00:02:47,960
I missed him. He was jumping on
a bus to Peckham with Homeless Pete.
44
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:50,960
Why's he going to Peckham...
45
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,960
OH, SHIT!
46
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,960
Horace, stop! Wait!
47
00:02:58,960 --> 00:03:03,960
No, Nick! No. I have to go back
to last Thursday, about 8pm,
48
00:03:03,960 --> 00:03:04,960
Emmerdale was about to start,
49
00:03:04,960 --> 00:03:06,960
and that's when Nana
fell down the stairs.
50
00:03:06,960 --> 00:03:08,960
If I can just warn her...
51
00:03:08,960 --> 00:03:13,960
Horace, you can't do that,
all right? We can't alter the past.
52
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:17,960
Remember Back To The Future,
when Marty McFly starts disappearing
53
00:03:17,960 --> 00:03:20,320
because he stops his mum
meeting his dad?
54
00:03:22,960 --> 00:03:24,960
What, no-one's seen
Back To The Future?
55
00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:26,960
No, I didn't get round to it.
No, I haven't seen it.
56
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:27,960
There's no black people in it.
57
00:03:27,960 --> 00:03:29,960
Ooh, but I have seen
the porn version.
58
00:03:29,960 --> 00:03:32,960
He does bang his mum.
Look, I'm not gonna bang my nana.
59
00:03:32,960 --> 00:03:35,320
So, just don't worry about me,
I'll be fine. No, no, no!
60
00:03:35,320 --> 00:03:37,320
NO!
61
00:03:37,320 --> 00:03:40,960
Well, we tried.
We've gotta go after him!
62
00:03:40,960 --> 00:03:44,960
Sorry, are you insane? The last time
we got in the time machine,
63
00:03:44,960 --> 00:03:46,960
we were chased
by a pack of velociraptors! Guys...
64
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,800
..I think this is a time machine!
65
00:03:50,800 --> 00:03:52,960
Argh! Fuck sake.
HE LAUGHS
66
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:54,960
Homeless Pete, take us back
to whenever you took Horace.
67
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:57,960
Er, two minutes to eight
last Thursday! Come on, Nick!
68
00:03:59,960 --> 00:04:03,480
For fuck's sake, Nicholas!
What the fuck am I doing?
69
00:04:06,960 --> 00:04:09,960
Wait, are we going
back in time again?
70
00:04:09,960 --> 00:04:11,960
BEEPING
We're coming for you, Horace!
71
00:04:18,960 --> 00:04:20,960
BEEPING,
CAMERA CLICKS
72
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:28,000
BELL RINGS
73
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:46,960
When the hell are we?
74
00:04:46,960 --> 00:04:49,960
I'm guessing not last Thursday night
just before Emmerdale.
75
00:04:49,960 --> 00:04:52,000
Do you reckon Vodafone
will send me one of those texts,
76
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,960
like when you're abroad.
Doubt it.
77
00:04:55,960 --> 00:04:58,160
We're in 19-fucking-58.
78
00:04:59,960 --> 00:05:04,960
No! 1958, as in just before 8pm,
not the year!
79
00:05:04,960 --> 00:05:09,800
Homeless Pete, you di.. How the fuck
does he keep doing that?
80
00:05:11,960 --> 00:05:16,960
Oh, this is just great.
This is just perfect. I mean,
81
00:05:16,960 --> 00:05:20,960
why are we never taken to a decade
where black people are liked?
82
00:05:20,960 --> 00:05:22,960
What decade would that be?
Well...
83
00:05:22,960 --> 00:05:24,000
We should just go home.
84
00:05:24,000 --> 00:05:26,960
Not without Horace.
How do we even know he's here?
85
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:32,960
His bum bag's still warm.
86
00:05:32,960 --> 00:05:35,960
Wait! Does this mean
I can see Victoria again?
87
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:39,000
Not all olden-times are the same.
There's more than one olden-time.
88
00:05:39,000 --> 00:05:41,960
Victoria! I'm back, baby!
89
00:05:41,960 --> 00:05:44,000
Can't wait to be inside you again.
Whoo!
90
00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,800
Hey! Yeah, man!
91
00:05:47,960 --> 00:05:52,960
Jason. All right? Wha'hamn, fellers.
Wha'hamn, Aston?
92
00:05:52,960 --> 00:05:56,960
Is what sweet you, son?
Yo, me just got one new bar of soap.
93
00:05:56,960 --> 00:05:57,960
ASTON CHUCKLES
94
00:05:57,960 --> 00:06:02,960
Me a go give my armpit and balls dem
one piece a clean, you see?
95
00:06:02,960 --> 00:06:04,960
Beg you let me borrow it after?
96
00:06:04,960 --> 00:06:06,480
Nah, man, you can't borrow me
tings'.
97
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:08,960
Are you dumb? What wrong wid' it?
ASTON LAUGHS
98
00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:17,960
Eh, bwoy. You lost?
99
00:06:17,960 --> 00:06:22,960
Oh, yes, I am, actually.
Er, do you know where number 72 is?
100
00:06:22,960 --> 00:06:25,960
Is who you a look for?
My nana. Myrtle.
101
00:06:25,960 --> 00:06:27,960
Myrtle?
LAUGHS
102
00:06:27,960 --> 00:06:28,960
The Jamaican firecracker!
103
00:06:28,960 --> 00:06:31,960
Yeah, sounds about right!
Do you know her?
104
00:06:31,960 --> 00:06:34,960
You best take a sip of rum
fi' calm ya' nerves, before you meet
105
00:06:34,960 --> 00:06:39,960
dat beast of a woman!
Yeah, she can be a bit grumpy.
106
00:06:39,960 --> 00:06:43,960
She once knocked me unconscious
with a cake tin. Oh, thanks.
107
00:06:51,960 --> 00:06:53,960
Victoria! Baby!
108
00:06:54,960 --> 00:06:57,480
Have you seen a white woman,
answers to the name Victoria?
109
00:06:57,480 --> 00:07:00,960
Dark hair, creamy breasts,
pubes that smell like summer rain?
110
00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:04,960
Jase, leave it! Victoria?
It's me, your Nubian prince!
111
00:07:04,960 --> 00:07:06,960
SCREAMS
Jase, what are you doing?
112
00:07:06,960 --> 00:07:09,960
My baby's here. I can feel her,
113
00:07:09,960 --> 00:07:12,960
I can smell her,
I can... I can taste her, bruv.
114
00:07:12,960 --> 00:07:14,960
Jase, Victoria probably died
in the Blitz,
115
00:07:14,960 --> 00:07:20,960
like half of London did.
My baby died? No. No...
116
00:07:20,960 --> 00:07:23,640
Shh! Shh! There.
117
00:07:23,640 --> 00:07:26,960
I'll never hold her again?
Or... Or kiss her?
118
00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,960
Or slip my tongue inbetween
the crevice of her batty crease.
119
00:07:29,960 --> 00:07:31,960
OK, maybe keep it in.
Shh!
120
00:07:31,960 --> 00:07:34,960
DISTANT SINGING
It's Horace!
121
00:07:34,960 --> 00:07:36,960
Horace! Come on!
122
00:07:36,960 --> 00:07:39,960
I'm gonna tell my momma
Don't send me down
123
00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:41,960
You're gonna tell your momma
Don't send me down
124
00:07:41,960 --> 00:07:45,960
I'm going to tell my momma
Don't send me down here...
125
00:07:45,960 --> 00:07:48,000
Horace!
Hey, guys!
126
00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:49,960
Hey!
Oh, my God!
127
00:07:49,960 --> 00:07:53,960
What are you doing here?
Looking for you. To bring you home.
128
00:07:53,960 --> 00:07:55,960
Oh.
Bruv, Victoria's dead.
129
00:07:55,960 --> 00:07:58,800
Oh. It's cool. It's better
to have smashed and lost,
130
00:07:58,800 --> 00:07:59,960
than never to have smashed at all.
131
00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:01,640
Yeah.
Yeah, nice.
132
00:08:01,640 --> 00:08:05,480
Cool. Now, can we please go home?
I haven't found my nana yet.
133
00:08:05,480 --> 00:08:06,960
I still need to warn her
about the stairs.
134
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:10,960
Jazz! Jazz!
Bloody love jazz.
135
00:08:10,960 --> 00:08:13,960
Jazz, jazz, jazz.
Sorry, are you... Is that a trumpet?
136
00:08:13,960 --> 00:08:15,960
Are you a band? Are you a jazz band?
137
00:08:15,960 --> 00:08:19,960
No, I like jazz, too!
No, where you going?
138
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:24,960
SHE GROANS
Oi! You just knocked over my bird.
139
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:25,960
Did I? Oh, right, sorry.
140
00:08:25,960 --> 00:08:27,960
Er, did a bunch of musicians
come by here?
141
00:08:27,960 --> 00:08:29,960
Oh, did you hear that? "Sorry?"
T'ain't good enough.
142
00:08:29,960 --> 00:08:32,800
How'd you like it if I knocked over
one of your birds, eh?
143
00:08:32,800 --> 00:08:34,320
GROANS
144
00:08:34,320 --> 00:08:36,960
TYRES SCREECHING
Why you a push me for?
145
00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,160
Shame on you!
Nana Myrtle.
146
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:41,960
Oi! What you playing at?
147
00:08:41,960 --> 00:08:46,960
Nothing!
Not you... him! You toilet.
148
00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:50,000
I don't care what colour she is,
no-one pushes a lady!
149
00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:57,160
WOMAN: Ginger tosser!
MAN: Wanker!
150
00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:58,960
You all right, love?
151
00:08:58,960 --> 00:09:01,960
Me fine.
Just a likkle bruise, is all.
152
00:09:01,960 --> 00:09:04,960
That's more than just
a likkle bruise, sweetheart.
153
00:09:04,960 --> 00:09:08,960
Let's get this seen to.
You can see to me all you like.
154
00:09:08,960 --> 00:09:11,800
HE GASPS
Nana Myrtle!
155
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:16,960
I know a place just up here.
Mind your legs, she's a slapper.
156
00:09:16,960 --> 00:09:19,960
Excuse me? Me know you?
157
00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:21,960
Oh, no! Shit!
I'm not supposed to talk to you!
158
00:09:26,320 --> 00:09:27,960
The Blue Flamingo!
THUD
159
00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:30,960
What happened to you?
Oh, shit, sorry. Sorry.
160
00:09:30,960 --> 00:09:34,960
Nick! Where is that lanky twat?
161
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,320
GROANS
162
00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:54,800
Ooh, that's a bit weird.
163
00:10:17,960 --> 00:10:19,960
JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS
164
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:38,160
This... This is jazz!
LAUGHS
165
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,960
What are you called? Sorry?
Your band, what you called?
166
00:10:42,960 --> 00:10:44,320
Oh, er, The Wu Tang Clan.
167
00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:46,960
LAUGHS
168
00:10:46,960 --> 00:10:48,640
It's just how I imagined it
in my wet dream.
169
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:51,960
HE SCATS
170
00:10:53,160 --> 00:10:55,480
Right, well, if you could just
lay off any more drugs
171
00:10:55,480 --> 00:10:57,960
until after your set,
I would really appreciate it.
172
00:10:58,960 --> 00:11:01,480
Hold on, wait. Hold on, what?
My set?
173
00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:04,960
Oh, my God! My band's playing
the Blue Flamingo!
174
00:11:04,960 --> 00:11:06,960
OH, MY GOD!
175
00:11:07,960 --> 00:11:09,960
Wait, where the fuck is my band?
176
00:11:12,960 --> 00:11:14,960
Your hair's a lovely colour.
177
00:11:15,960 --> 00:11:18,320
Sort of a strawberry blonde.
178
00:11:22,960 --> 00:11:25,960
RUMBLING
Ugh!
179
00:11:27,160 --> 00:11:29,960
HE GROANS
Horace, you all right?
180
00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:32,960
Yeah. I think I'm travel sick.
You've not been anywhere.
181
00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:34,960
Must be time-travel sick.
182
00:11:34,960 --> 00:11:38,640
Guys! Guys, I know why we're here!
I know why we're in the '50s.
183
00:11:38,640 --> 00:11:42,960
It's to get the band back together.
This is jazz time!
184
00:11:42,960 --> 00:11:47,000
Dizzy, Louis, Ella,
the one and only General L Hands!
185
00:11:47,000 --> 00:11:51,000
And I have just got us a gig
at the Blue Flamingo! Yay!
186
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:54,960
What's the Blue Flamingo?
Where's Jason?
187
00:11:54,960 --> 00:11:56,960
Oh, dealing with Victoria's death.
188
00:11:59,320 --> 00:12:01,960
Yeah.
People grieve in different ways.
189
00:12:04,960 --> 00:12:06,320
JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS
190
00:12:13,960 --> 00:12:16,960
Argh! This is jazz!
191
00:12:19,000 --> 00:12:20,960
Beer, please.
192
00:12:27,960 --> 00:12:30,160
Have you got anything that
doesn't taste like piss in a glass?
193
00:12:30,160 --> 00:12:33,640
Youngsters don't drink nowadays.
You're telling me they're all sober?
194
00:12:33,640 --> 00:12:35,960
Nah,
they're all on the wakey-wakeys.
195
00:12:37,160 --> 00:12:41,960
Got your bennies, your blues,
your pep pills, purple hearts,
196
00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:45,960
black beauties, dexys, pervs,
and your billies.
197
00:12:45,960 --> 00:12:47,960
Not him, though. He's on heroin.
198
00:12:49,960 --> 00:12:50,960
CYMBAL SMASHES
199
00:12:51,960 --> 00:12:53,960
E'are. On the house.
200
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:02,960
Are you in need of speed, Horace?
Nope.
201
00:13:04,800 --> 00:13:05,960
Oh, my gosh, is that...
202
00:13:06,960 --> 00:13:09,960
Nana! Oh, my gosh,
she looks so young!
203
00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:12,960
Why's she dancing with that ginge?
I dunno.
204
00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:15,960
I thought Granddad Aston
was the only man she'd ever...
205
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:18,960
RUMBLING
206
00:13:19,960 --> 00:13:22,960
HE PANTS
What the shitballs was that?
207
00:13:22,960 --> 00:13:26,000
I don't know. It happened before.
I think I'm hungover, Lauren.
208
00:13:26,000 --> 00:13:29,960
Yeah. Yeah, probably.
Let's just get you some Red Bull
209
00:13:29,960 --> 00:13:31,960
and a packet of pickled onion
Monster Munch. Come on.
210
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:37,320
Yeah, I'm actually in mourning,
and I think a quick smash
211
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:39,800
would kick-start
the grieving process.
212
00:13:39,800 --> 00:13:42,960
Yeah, go on, then.
Really? That was easy.
213
00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:46,960
You know I'm a prostitute, right?
Oh, is it?
214
00:13:46,960 --> 00:13:48,320
APPLAUSE
215
00:13:49,960 --> 00:13:54,960
We're gonna take a little break now,
and then we've got a hot... new...
216
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:58,960
quartet syncopating
for your "oral" pleasure...
217
00:13:58,960 --> 00:14:01,960
The One Ton Clam.
APPLAUSE
218
00:14:01,960 --> 00:14:05,960
Oh, my God. Oh, my God, I'm...
We're playing!
219
00:14:05,960 --> 00:14:08,960
This is actually happening!
LAUGHS
220
00:14:10,960 --> 00:14:12,960
Where's the toilet?
VOMITING
221
00:14:14,800 --> 00:14:15,960
I'm about to play the Blue Flamingo.
222
00:14:15,960 --> 00:14:16,960
PANTS
223
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:21,160
This is, like, the best day ever...
VOMITING
224
00:14:23,960 --> 00:14:25,960
It's gonna be fine,
it's gonna be fine.
225
00:14:25,960 --> 00:14:29,960
Ooh! I know this is a long shot,
bruv, but you got a condom? No.
226
00:14:29,960 --> 00:14:31,960
A Bag For Life and a rubber band?
What?
227
00:14:31,960 --> 00:14:34,960
No! And whatever you plan to do,
do it quickly.
228
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,960
We've got the gig of our lives
to play.
229
00:14:41,960 --> 00:14:43,000
JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS
230
00:14:44,640 --> 00:14:47,960
Wait here!
I've gotta go and get Nick.
231
00:14:47,960 --> 00:14:51,960
WARPED VOICE:
What's happening? Please?
232
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,320
Why are you talking like...
233
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:59,960
Fucking holy... Fucking... Fuck me!
234
00:15:01,960 --> 00:15:03,960
Horace?
235
00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:04,960
No, Martin.
236
00:15:06,960 --> 00:15:08,960
Who are your grandparents?
Funny question.
237
00:15:08,960 --> 00:15:11,960
OK, so there's Nan and Pap
on Mum's side,
238
00:15:11,960 --> 00:15:14,960
and on Dad's side,
there's Nana Myrtle and Grampy Len.
239
00:15:14,960 --> 00:15:19,800
I'm actually one quarter black,
so, you know... I get you.
240
00:15:21,640 --> 00:15:22,800
Safe.
241
00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:27,960
Len? Shit! Is Len white
with red hair, by any chance?
242
00:15:27,960 --> 00:15:29,960
He actually describes it
as strawberry blonde.
243
00:15:29,960 --> 00:15:34,480
Where am I? Ooh! Hey, hey! Hey!
244
00:15:34,480 --> 00:15:39,960
Hey, excuse me, please!
Excuse me, please, thank you.
245
00:15:39,960 --> 00:15:40,960
GROANS
246
00:15:42,000 --> 00:15:45,640
I don't know what you're doing,
but that feels good, sugar fingers.
247
00:15:45,640 --> 00:15:47,960
I'm wanking you off.
Ah, yeah.
248
00:15:47,960 --> 00:15:50,480
Is it helping you forget
about your dead lady friend?
249
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:54,960
It was, till you reminded me.
250
00:15:54,960 --> 00:15:56,960
Why've you gone all floppy?
251
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:58,640
Ah, I can't do this, man.
252
00:15:58,640 --> 00:16:00,960
Dead or not,
Victoria's bae for life.
253
00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:02,960
Well, I still have to charge,
whether you jizz off or not.
254
00:16:04,960 --> 00:16:07,160
How was I supposed to know
Nana Myrtle was into white guys?
255
00:16:07,160 --> 00:16:10,160
Please don't shank me!
Look what you've done to Horace!
256
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:13,960
To Horace? You let Nana Myrtle
fall in love with the wrong man!
257
00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:19,960
Oh, fuck! What we gonna do?
258
00:16:19,960 --> 00:16:21,960
Who's gonna sing?
Sing?
259
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:24,960
Oh, shit! I can't breathe.
260
00:16:24,960 --> 00:16:27,960
I think I'm having a panic attack!
Argh! Oh!
261
00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:29,960
Swallow!
HE GROANS
262
00:16:29,960 --> 00:16:32,000
What was that?
Medicine, you'll be fine.
263
00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,160
What's going on?
264
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:35,960
Horace has turned into
a posh bloke called Martin,
265
00:16:35,960 --> 00:16:37,960
cos his Nana's doing a white dude
called Len.
266
00:16:37,960 --> 00:16:39,960
Cool, this could open
so many doors for him.
267
00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,960
Are you even listening?
He's not Horace!
268
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:46,480
No, I'm Martin. I'm from Surrey,
and I work in marketing.
269
00:16:46,480 --> 00:16:48,960
Horace doesn't exist,
because Martin does.
270
00:16:48,960 --> 00:16:51,480
So we have to un-exist Martin
to get Horace back.
271
00:16:51,480 --> 00:16:54,000
Please, don't hurt me,
I've got a wife and two daughters!
272
00:16:54,000 --> 00:16:58,960
Look, that's Daisy and that's Poppy.
273
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:00,960
We... We...
We can't kill a man with a family!
274
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:02,960
Hello! He isn't real.
275
00:17:02,960 --> 00:17:05,640
Those kids are not real!
276
00:17:05,640 --> 00:17:07,960
I assure you, they're very real
when they're jumping
277
00:17:07,960 --> 00:17:09,960
on your testicles at 5am,
demanding Nutella pancakes.
278
00:17:09,960 --> 00:17:11,480
LAUGHS
279
00:17:11,480 --> 00:17:15,960
See, Martin isn't so bad.
He could replace Horace in the band!
280
00:17:15,960 --> 00:17:17,960
Can you sing, Martin? No.
Come on, everyone can sing. Try.
281
00:17:17,960 --> 00:17:20,960
I'm not in the mood. You keep
talking about killing my kids.
282
00:17:20,960 --> 00:17:22,960
I am trying to save your life.
Now, just bloody sing!
283
00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,960
He's got the whole world
In his hands
284
00:17:25,960 --> 00:17:28,320
He's got the whole wide world...
285
00:17:28,320 --> 00:17:29,960
What the fuck is that?
286
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:31,960
Will you stop talking about
your stupid gig,
287
00:17:31,960 --> 00:17:34,960
and help me kill Martin
and his children!
288
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,960
No! No!
Shit it!
289
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:42,960
Help me, please! Some black people
are trying to kill me!
290
00:17:42,960 --> 00:17:48,160
'Ello, 'ello. Here they come.
Taking our jobs. Touching our women.
291
00:17:48,160 --> 00:17:51,800
Sorry, is anyone else sweating
and grinding their back teeth?
292
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,960
Someone's coming up.
GROANS
293
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:57,160
This is fine, right?
He's white, that's great.
294
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:58,960
No more police stop and search,
295
00:17:58,960 --> 00:18:00,960
he can get bookings
in fancy restaurants,
296
00:18:00,960 --> 00:18:04,960
take pictures in low lighting.
It's a win, hey, Horace?
297
00:18:04,960 --> 00:18:08,480
Martin? Hartin? I like him!
THUD
298
00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:11,960
I'm not leaving Horace like this.
Give him back, he's ours.
299
00:18:11,960 --> 00:18:13,320
He don't look much like you.
300
00:18:13,320 --> 00:18:15,960
Two words, fuck off,
and stay fucked off.
301
00:18:17,320 --> 00:18:19,960
It's six words, but whatever.
GROANING
302
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:25,960
Ooh. That's it, Lauren!
303
00:18:25,960 --> 00:18:28,960
Argh!
Yes! Go on! Go on! Yes!
304
00:18:31,640 --> 00:18:33,960
Ugh!
Yes! Yes! Yes!
305
00:18:34,960 --> 00:18:36,960
GROANS
306
00:18:40,960 --> 00:18:41,960
Ugh!
307
00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:44,960
Why you English people
can't leave we alone?
308
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,960
What all 'dis?
Get off of me!
309
00:18:46,960 --> 00:18:50,960
Jesus! Lord, God.
Look how your nose all bleed.
310
00:18:50,960 --> 00:18:54,960
Ah, you do it.
HE LAUGHS
311
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:56,960
Name Aston, by the way.
312
00:18:57,960 --> 00:19:01,960
Myrtle. You owe me a new handbag.
313
00:19:01,960 --> 00:19:04,480
Me owe you? Mm.
You see what you do to me, woman?
314
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:07,960
Me sorry.
GROANS
315
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:13,960
Ugh! Go on, you! Ave 'im!
He ain't worth it!
316
00:19:14,960 --> 00:19:16,960
Don't bloody touch me, you tit!
317
00:19:16,960 --> 00:19:19,960
You're a cocky little toerag,
in't ya'?
318
00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:23,960
How's about you like to make
a bit of easy money with them fists?
319
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:26,960
How much we talking?
Here's a little sweetener.
320
00:19:28,960 --> 00:19:31,960
Myrtle? Come on, darling, let's go.
321
00:19:32,960 --> 00:19:34,960
Oh, right. There you go, then.
322
00:19:37,960 --> 00:19:40,960
LAUGHS
I knew it'd work out.
323
00:19:45,960 --> 00:19:46,960
GROANS
324
00:19:48,960 --> 00:19:49,960
GRUNTS
325
00:19:55,960 --> 00:19:58,800
Martin?
THEY SCREAM
326
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,800
Hello, hello. All right?
327
00:20:07,960 --> 00:20:10,960
PANTS
Oh, hey, guys.
328
00:20:10,960 --> 00:20:12,960
Horace, mate!
Good to have you black!
329
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:14,320
LAUGHS
330
00:20:15,960 --> 00:20:17,960
Why isn't anyone else dancing?
331
00:20:18,960 --> 00:20:21,960
Oi! Are you playing or what?
Yeah. Yeah!
332
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:24,000
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
333
00:20:24,000 --> 00:20:25,960
MUSIC: This Is How We Do It
by Montell Jordan
334
00:20:25,960 --> 00:20:28,960
This is how we do it
335
00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:30,960
South Central does it
Like nobody does
336
00:20:30,960 --> 00:20:32,960
This is how we do it
337
00:20:32,960 --> 00:20:35,960
To all my neighbours
You got much flavour
338
00:20:35,960 --> 00:20:37,000
This is how we do it
339
00:20:37,000 --> 00:20:40,640
Let's flip the track
Bring the old school back
340
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:41,960
This is how we do it
341
00:20:41,960 --> 00:20:44,960
I'm kinda buzzed
And it's all because
342
00:20:44,960 --> 00:20:46,960
This is how we do it
343
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:49,960
South Central does it
Like nobody does
344
00:20:49,960 --> 00:20:51,960
This is how we do it
345
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,960
YNV, SCC...
346
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:06,960
Victoria! Oh, my God!
347
00:21:07,960 --> 00:21:10,960
Mmm! Mmm!
348
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:14,960
Mmm! De-lish!
349
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,800
Do I know you?
Baby, it's me!
350
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,960
Guys, it's Victoria!
351
00:21:20,960 --> 00:21:21,960
Oh!
352
00:21:22,960 --> 00:21:26,960
Oh! My sweet, sweet Creole cupcake!
353
00:21:26,960 --> 00:21:29,960
Must've been 30 years! Oh, but...
354
00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:32,960
..time has not been kind.
355
00:21:36,480 --> 00:21:38,960
Ready to go home?
What you talking about?
356
00:21:38,960 --> 00:21:41,960
We're in the era of cool,
smooth jazz.
357
00:21:41,960 --> 00:21:43,960
Are we really
gonna do this shit again?
358
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:46,960
I'm up for it.
I've had such a great time so far.
359
00:21:46,960 --> 00:21:49,960
Horace, you were erased
from existence for 17 minutes.
360
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:52,960
Yeah, but we're back together now,
innit? Like old times.
361
00:21:52,960 --> 00:21:55,960
It's amazing! We've just got
a regular slot at the Blue Flamingo.
362
00:21:55,960 --> 00:21:57,480
Yeah, and man's balls
are about to burst,
363
00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:00,960
so until me and Victoria beat,
I ain't going nowhere.
364
00:22:00,960 --> 00:22:01,960
LAUGHS
365
00:22:01,960 --> 00:22:06,960
Friends! Lovers! Let's blouse!
Champagne and cocaine at mine, yes?
366
00:22:06,960 --> 00:22:08,960
CHEERING
367
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:10,960
Oh, and by the way, you're paying,
gorgeous ones,
368
00:22:10,960 --> 00:22:12,160
because I'm destitute!
369
00:22:12,160 --> 00:22:15,960
S'all right, I'm loaded!
370
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:17,960
CHEERING
371
00:22:21,960 --> 00:22:23,960
This is how we do it
372
00:22:23,960 --> 00:22:26,800
South Central does it
Like nobody does
373
00:22:26,800 --> 00:22:28,800
This is how we do it
374
00:22:28,800 --> 00:22:31,480
To all my neighbours
You got much flavour
375
00:22:31,480 --> 00:22:33,640
This is how we do it...
376
00:22:38,000 --> 00:22:40,160
Subtitles by TVT
377
00:22:40,210 --> 00:22:44,760
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