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- Hello ladies, ladies, and others,
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and thank you all for coming tonight to
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The Bigg Club, where men meet boys.
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It's spelled M-E-A-T,
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that's an auditory pun people,
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and yes, the management makes me do it every time.
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- Bring on the boys.
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- Yes, yes, sweetheart, any moment now.
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Aren't you feisty?
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You're exactly how I like my men,
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drunk and desperate.
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Come talk to me after the show next time, why don't ya?
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The name's Pinata Debris,
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and I am pleased to welcome to the stage, Joey and Matt.
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(hip hop music)
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♪ Get fucked up yeah ♪
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♪ Repoke to the next loco yo ♪
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♪ Put your hands up yeah ♪
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♪ Baby that's the stuff, that's the stuff ♪
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♪ And we in the club ♪
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♪ That's that ass and all the club ♪
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♪ Call us in we break the seal ♪
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♪ Hear about pop while the ladies drop ♪
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♪ Lose control while we in the zone ♪
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♪ Fellas take a glance while the ladies dance ♪
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♪ Put your hands high, say I'm fly ♪
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♪ We fly tonight, we get it right ♪
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♪ We livin' life ♪
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♪ It's all at night ♪
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♪ We get it right, we live it like ♪
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♪ I don't want to think I just want to drink ♪
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♪ Forget about it forget about it ♪
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♪ I don't want to think I just want to drink ♪
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♪ Forget about it forget about it ♪
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(lyrics muffled)
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♪ Tell me things tell me things ♪
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♪ You tell me, we do the damn thing ♪
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♪ Drop bottles till we piss champagne ♪
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♪ Forget your worries forget your pain ♪
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♪ Gonna stay till the party ends ♪
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♪ All I need is a bottle and some friends ♪
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♪ Show starts when I walk in ♪
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♪ It's all at night, we get it right ♪
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♪ We livin' life ♪
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♪ It's all at night, we get it right ♪
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♪ We livin' life ♪
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♪ I don't want to think I just want to drink ♪
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♪ Forget about it forget about it ♪
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♪ I don't want to think I just want to drink ♪
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♪ Forget about it forget about it ♪
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♪ This drink is strong, your ass is wrong ♪
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♪ And I'm a take you home ♪
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♪ But now we digging cup ♪
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♪ Blood where your body sunk ♪
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♪ And the way these speakers ♪
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♪ It's all at night, we get it right ♪
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♪ We livin' life ♪
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♪ It's all at night, we get it right ♪
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♪ We livin' life ♪
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♪ I don't want to think I just want to drink ♪
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♪ Forget about it, forget about it ♪
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♪ I don't want to think I just want to drink ♪
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♪ Forget about, it forget about it ♪
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♪ I don't want to think I just want to drink ♪
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♪ Forget about it, forget about it ♪
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♪ I don't want to think I just want to drink ♪
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♪ Forget about it, forget about it ♪
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- Hey Chuck, what's you doing?
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- Just watching the show.
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- You never watch the other guys.
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- Yeah well, tonight I am.
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- You like girls.
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Like me.
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- You ain't a girl.
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- How dare you?
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Well you weren't so picky
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while I was sucking you off last fortnight.
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I would report you to HR for sexual harassment
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and misgendering me,
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if there were such a thing as HR in this dump of a place.
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- Look,
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buzz off.
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I'm waiting to see something here.
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- Fine, but don't say I never blew nothin' for ya.
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(upbeat jazz music)
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- Hi Matt.
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- Hi ya Clive.
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Now you know I said the cute ones don't have to tip.
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- Ah, you're so nice.
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You're so much nicer than the other dancers.
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- I don't know that that's true.
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- I think it's true.
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The other guys don't have the same spark as you.
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- Thanks.
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You know what Clive?
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I think you should go home.
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- Go home?
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It's not even midnight.
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- Yes, but believe me, it's pumpkin time for you.
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Trust me, go, now,
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and you'll see why tomorrow.
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- All right, if you say so Matt.
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- I do.
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Here.
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- All right, I'll go, I'll go.
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Night night.
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- Night night, termite.
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(snorting)
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- God Danny, are you doing coke again?
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What is this, 1986?
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- What do you want, Pinata?
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- I was just gonna say it's my birthday next month,
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and I was wondering if I could have
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a special birthday show here?
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- Special birthday show?
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Like what?
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- You know, like singing, dancing.
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- No, girl, when people come to Bigg's
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we offer them one thing,
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hot guys in nothing but jock straps.
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- But I can offer them magic and illusion.
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- Face it kid, the slogan here is where men meet--
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- Where men meet boys, I know.
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- You're not a man.
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You're not a boy.
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- I'm not a girl, not yet a woman.
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- Exactly, you're a fine host,
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but you're not the selling point.
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People come here to see hot guys,
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that's the meal.
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Anything else, like you, is garnish.
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- How dare you?
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Are you calling me parsley?
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- If the herb fits.
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(upbeat jazz music)
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- Everybody freeze.
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- Hello gentlemen, and others.
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- You know Pinata, that joke never worked.
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Ladies, ladies, and others?
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All that's left is men,
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and I have had enough of men.
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Now, in case you haven't figured this out yet,
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this is a motherfuckin' robbery.
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Our associate Chuck's gonna go around the room,
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like we do when we're dancing here,
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but, instead of giving us your money,
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you're gonna give us your clothes.
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Put 'em in the bag, wallets, cell phones, everything.
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You first.
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(upbeat jazz music)
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- Police department, this is Vargas.
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If it's not homicide, I'm not interested.
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That's dangerous.
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A robbery you say?
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Armed?
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I see, now you're talking my language.
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The heat of battle, the smell of the flintlock,
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this is where men are forged.
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None of this light felony, foo foo,
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hypno skeleton bullshit.
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I'm talking the rage of battle,
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the heat of a thousand suns.
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What was that?
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Hostages?
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Sorry, I was in the middle of a sexual fantasy.
166
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Where was this again?
167
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Strip club?
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Sweet luscious tits of innocence.
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Those hardworking girls never hurt anybody.
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Why they are merely providing a public good,
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and to take advantage of that is truly a heinous act of--
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What?
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What do you mean they're not girls,
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you said this was a strip club.
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I see, no no, there's nothing wrong with
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doing things the gay way.
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As an ass man myself,
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I can appreciate the appreciation.
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Two luscious hunks of ham,
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squeezed together over a forbidden point of entry.
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It's enough to make the mind wander.
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In fact, it reminds me--
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Huh? How many hostages?
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Um, I think I'd better transfer your call to dispatch,
185
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there may be a closer car,
186
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and in these times of ass-driven violence,
187
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time is of the essence.
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Hold please.
189
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Now it's time to go hide in the bathroom
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and forget this ever happened.
191
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Ain't no way I'm gonna get my clothes
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covered in the stench of blood and cum,
193
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for the second time tonight.
194
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- [Dispatcher] Six six henry.
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- You know Rod,
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there comes a time in every little girl's life,
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when she dreams about her wedding day.
198
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- In this hypothetical, am I the little girl?
199
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- No, no Rod, I am the little girl.
200
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You are the little boy.
201
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This is our little wedding.
202
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- Oh.
203
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- It's time we get hitched.
204
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- Huh?
205
00:11:56,710 --> 00:11:58,010
- [Dispatcher] All cars in the immediate area,
206
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we have a 211 in progress at the Bigg Club.
207
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- Oh, I know where that is.
208
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Take a right on Washington, and a left on Empire.
209
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- Good, this is why I keep you around.
210
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Now, let's go mow down some faggots motherfucker.
211
00:12:13,930 --> 00:12:14,943
- What's going on?
212
00:12:17,970 --> 00:12:22,633
- Look, it's our erstwhile boss, Danny.
213
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For years we've been working for him,
214
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and not only has he been not paying us a living wage,
215
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he's been skimming our tips for his cocaine habit.
216
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Haven't you, Danny?
217
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- How do you know?
218
00:12:32,829 --> 00:12:33,662
(sniffing)
219
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No, no of course not.
220
00:12:36,690 --> 00:12:38,260
- Well Danny, I think you should
221
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put on a little show for your patrons.
222
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You've always been backstage,
223
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now it's your turn in the spotlight.
224
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Up on the stage, strip.
225
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- What? Are you kidding me?
226
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- Twerk.
227
00:13:06,940 --> 00:13:07,773
Charleston.
228
00:13:11,940 --> 00:13:12,843
Macarena.
229
00:13:16,291 --> 00:13:18,835
(sirens approaching)
230
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- Copper cops,
231
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copper cops.
232
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- Shit.
233
00:13:22,188 --> 00:13:23,110
How are we doing?
234
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- That's everyone's shit, let's blow.
235
00:13:27,030 --> 00:13:28,534
- Out of the way.
236
00:13:28,534 --> 00:13:29,814
- Freeze.
237
00:13:29,814 --> 00:13:32,884
(gun firing)
238
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- Hey!
239
00:13:40,184 --> 00:13:41,580
- You won't get away with this.
240
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- I kinda think we will.
241
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What's your name, handsome?
242
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- Rod, it's Rod.
243
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- Oh, that was a good one.
244
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You're coming with us, Rod.
245
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- Someone stop them!
246
00:13:55,730 --> 00:13:58,307
- You have the right to remain silent.
247
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- Oh look at me, I'm a police officer.
248
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- Chuck!
249
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Take me with you.
250
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I love you.
251
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- Can't babe, sorry.
252
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Nothing personal.
253
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- Get off of me, I am going to get those brazen, faggots,
254
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if it is the last thing that I do.
255
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Motherfuckers!
256
00:14:29,744 --> 00:14:33,024
♪ I'm on a fucked up fruitless mission ♪
257
00:14:33,024 --> 00:14:36,086
♪ I'm not thinking I'm going to jail ♪
258
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♪ But bad luck never fails ♪
259
00:14:39,526 --> 00:14:42,764
♪ It's got be dropped on my tail ♪
260
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♪ Would you please post my bail ♪
261
00:14:59,093 --> 00:15:02,374
♪ This is it no turning back ♪
262
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♪ Got a monkey on my back ♪
263
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♪ He's got a hair across his eye ♪
264
00:15:08,822 --> 00:15:12,153
♪ About to fall on my glass ♪
265
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♪ I'm not thinking I'm going to jail ♪
266
00:15:15,353 --> 00:15:18,936
♪ But bad luck never fails ♪
267
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- I understand, you think it's fun and games,
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this kidnapping a cap.
269
00:15:23,550 --> 00:15:24,973
It does happen once a week.
270
00:15:26,780 --> 00:15:27,613
Stop it.
271
00:15:28,560 --> 00:15:30,523
I have to pay for that badge.
272
00:15:31,440 --> 00:15:32,590
- When's the next turn?
273
00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:36,273
- It's coming up in two miles.
274
00:15:37,920 --> 00:15:39,770
- Here that Tulula?
275
00:15:39,770 --> 00:15:40,720
We're almost there.
276
00:15:41,870 --> 00:15:43,650
- Straight men and their cars.
277
00:15:43,650 --> 00:15:45,010
I'll never understand it.
278
00:15:45,010 --> 00:15:46,290
- Where are you taking me?
279
00:15:46,290 --> 00:15:48,400
Stop trying to take off my shirt.
280
00:15:48,400 --> 00:15:51,450
- We are headed to Chuck's old frat house,
281
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:52,303
aren't we Chuck?
282
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:55,520
- Delta Iota Kappa.
283
00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:57,130
- Yeah, remember dudes,
284
00:15:57,130 --> 00:15:58,700
you can't blow up my spot.
285
00:15:58,700 --> 00:16:00,250
I'm so respected there.
286
00:16:00,250 --> 00:16:02,220
I'm a brother, proud Delta.
287
00:16:02,220 --> 00:16:04,163
- Yeah, yeah, you told us.
288
00:16:05,070 --> 00:16:07,420
- Chuck, what's it like in a frat house anyway?
289
00:16:08,260 --> 00:16:10,280
I've heard stories.
290
00:16:10,280 --> 00:16:12,910
- Probably not as entertaining as we think.
291
00:16:12,910 --> 00:16:13,743
- Or hope.
292
00:16:14,640 --> 00:16:16,060
- No, it was great.
293
00:16:16,060 --> 00:16:18,841
Got all the pussy I wanted when I was a Delta.
294
00:16:18,841 --> 00:16:21,570
- Gross, pussy's gross.
295
00:16:21,570 --> 00:16:22,403
Right Rod?
296
00:16:22,403 --> 00:16:23,283
- Stop it.
297
00:16:24,520 --> 00:16:26,280
Stop it, stop it.
298
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:28,780
- You know, I like that you don't shave your chest Rod.
299
00:16:28,780 --> 00:16:33,780
I always say manscaping is a crime against real men.
300
00:16:33,800 --> 00:16:36,660
- I always say manscaping is for heteros.
301
00:16:36,660 --> 00:16:38,580
Women like smooth men.
302
00:16:38,580 --> 00:16:41,500
Real men like real men.
303
00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:43,500
- You know what we mean, Rod?
304
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:44,483
- Stop it, stop it.
305
00:16:45,430 --> 00:16:48,470
- Hey, hey, hey, those are my pants.
306
00:16:48,470 --> 00:16:50,200
- Quiet Rod, or I will have to gag you.
307
00:16:50,200 --> 00:16:52,223
- Do it anyway, I'm tired of his whining.
308
00:16:56,199 --> 00:16:58,607
- Things like that.
309
00:16:58,607 --> 00:17:00,120
- You know, I watched this documentary
310
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:01,700
about fraternity life.
311
00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:03,623
It was quite eye-opening.
312
00:17:04,580 --> 00:17:06,070
- Yeah, what was it called?
313
00:17:06,070 --> 00:17:08,959
- Frat Fuckhouse Volume 17.
314
00:17:08,959 --> 00:17:10,320
- 17?
315
00:17:10,320 --> 00:17:12,240
- Yeah, I hadn't seen one through 16,
316
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:14,750
but you could follow the story pretty easily.
317
00:17:14,750 --> 00:17:16,823
It was mostly butt sex.
318
00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,213
- I'm serious you guys.
319
00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:21,298
I don't want anyone at the frat
320
00:17:21,298 --> 00:17:23,630
to know what we're doing there.
321
00:17:23,630 --> 00:17:24,850
- You mean you don't want them knowing
322
00:17:24,850 --> 00:17:26,630
what you do for a living?
323
00:17:26,630 --> 00:17:28,533
Shaking those cakes for thirsty men?
324
00:17:29,950 --> 00:17:30,783
- That too.
325
00:17:32,050 --> 00:17:33,140
We're just gonna get in there,
326
00:17:33,140 --> 00:17:34,670
get the diamonds and the plane vouchers,
327
00:17:34,670 --> 00:17:36,790
and we are on our way to Hawaii.
328
00:17:36,790 --> 00:17:37,940
- Fun in the sun.
329
00:17:37,940 --> 00:17:40,390
- I can't wait to make out with you on the beach.
330
00:17:47,090 --> 00:17:48,380
Why are we stopping?
331
00:17:48,380 --> 00:17:50,190
- [Chuck] We need gas.
332
00:17:50,190 --> 00:17:52,090
- [Matt] Great, okay you stay here with Rod
333
00:17:52,090 --> 00:17:52,923
so that he doesn't get away,
334
00:17:52,923 --> 00:17:54,950
and we're gonna go in and get some snacks.
335
00:18:05,550 --> 00:18:08,070
- Uh, hi.
336
00:18:08,070 --> 00:18:10,570
- Hi, Carol, is it?
337
00:18:10,570 --> 00:18:13,090
- Yeah, how did you know?
338
00:18:13,090 --> 00:18:14,520
- Your name tag, Carol.
339
00:18:14,520 --> 00:18:18,233
- Oh, of course, how inane of me.
340
00:18:24,160 --> 00:18:26,760
- Hey you see our friend outside gassing up our car?
341
00:18:27,930 --> 00:18:31,203
- Yes, he is also not wearing a shirt.
342
00:18:32,170 --> 00:18:33,943
- You're very astute, Carol.
343
00:18:35,390 --> 00:18:37,850
- Hey Joey, you want a soft drink?
344
00:18:37,850 --> 00:18:40,323
- Naw man, I don't like nothin' soft.
345
00:18:41,450 --> 00:18:43,733
Look Carol, can I call you sometime?
346
00:18:45,140 --> 00:18:45,973
- Why?
347
00:18:45,973 --> 00:18:47,170
- Who knows?
348
00:18:47,170 --> 00:18:48,420
Live a little.
349
00:18:48,420 --> 00:18:50,679
If you're shy, you can call me.
350
00:18:50,679 --> 00:18:52,853
Give me your cell phone and I'll put in my number.
351
00:19:05,190 --> 00:19:06,820
- You want all of this?
352
00:19:06,820 --> 00:19:08,310
- Well my grandmother always says,
353
00:19:08,310 --> 00:19:09,520
it's better to have it and not need it,
354
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,280
than to need it and not have it.
355
00:19:11,280 --> 00:19:13,800
You never know when a Twinkie will come in handy.
356
00:19:13,800 --> 00:19:14,900
- I guess that's true.
357
00:19:16,850 --> 00:19:17,810
- Don't call right away.
358
00:19:17,810 --> 00:19:19,410
Desperation is never attractive.
359
00:19:21,150 --> 00:19:22,060
- Let me ring you up.
360
00:19:22,060 --> 00:19:23,910
- I'm afraid that won't be necessary.
361
00:19:26,000 --> 00:19:26,920
- Damn it.
362
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:29,823
Your criminals, on the lam?
363
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:32,130
- 'Fraid so, Carol.
364
00:19:32,130 --> 00:19:33,007
- Can I come with you?
365
00:19:33,007 --> 00:19:34,903
I'm really handy to have around.
366
00:19:36,422 --> 00:19:37,960
- Oh Carol, come here.
367
00:19:55,442 --> 00:19:57,025
- Oh what the heck?
368
00:19:58,800 --> 00:20:00,123
- Sorry hon.
369
00:20:14,240 --> 00:20:17,157
- Well you don't have to rub it in.
370
00:20:26,790 --> 00:20:30,180
- And then they made me strip down in front of everyone,
371
00:20:30,180 --> 00:20:31,490
pants down,
372
00:20:31,490 --> 00:20:32,720
underpants down,
373
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:33,970
everything.
374
00:20:33,970 --> 00:20:34,940
- Yes, I understand.
375
00:20:34,940 --> 00:20:38,750
- I mean everyone saw my schmeckle.
376
00:20:38,750 --> 00:20:40,350
- Yes I know, I was there.
377
00:20:40,350 --> 00:20:41,183
I saw it too.
378
00:20:41,183 --> 00:20:42,610
- Oh my God.
379
00:20:42,610 --> 00:20:45,200
- Now, you brought the surveillance footage with you.
380
00:20:45,200 --> 00:20:46,033
- Yes.
381
00:20:46,033 --> 00:20:46,866
Here.
382
00:20:48,980 --> 00:20:51,030
When Joey pantsed me up there,
383
00:20:51,030 --> 00:20:54,480
that was the most humiliating moment of my life.
384
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:55,800
- Yes, I'm sure.
385
00:20:55,800 --> 00:20:58,250
Lester stop, stop bandaging me,
386
00:20:58,250 --> 00:21:00,010
and put this on the big screen.
387
00:21:00,010 --> 00:21:01,780
- But your arm?
388
00:21:01,780 --> 00:21:04,390
- It can wait, Officer Pence is in trouble.
389
00:21:04,390 --> 00:21:05,514
- Yes, ma'am.
390
00:21:05,514 --> 00:21:06,597
Sorry, ma'am.
391
00:21:13,820 --> 00:21:14,950
- All right, fast forward,
392
00:21:14,950 --> 00:21:18,030
we need about 11:30, that's when it all went down, right?
393
00:21:18,030 --> 00:21:18,863
- Right?
394
00:21:23,950 --> 00:21:26,233
- Nope, too late, that's me, go back.
395
00:21:29,770 --> 00:21:32,723
- That's them there, that's Joey, and Matt.
396
00:21:33,840 --> 00:21:34,800
- Lovers?
397
00:21:34,800 --> 00:21:35,780
- I think so.
398
00:21:35,780 --> 00:21:36,613
- You think so?
399
00:21:36,613 --> 00:21:38,760
- Well, they're not exactly monogamous,
400
00:21:38,760 --> 00:21:41,350
but I think they hump on a regular basis.
401
00:21:41,350 --> 00:21:42,183
- Interesting.
402
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:45,453
- Then there's the third one, that's Chuck.
403
00:21:45,453 --> 00:21:46,610
- And who's he fucking?
404
00:21:46,610 --> 00:21:49,160
- I don't know, I think he's mostly straight.
405
00:21:49,160 --> 00:21:50,750
- Mostly straight?
406
00:21:50,750 --> 00:21:51,680
What does that mean?
407
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:54,760
- Well, I mean, I don't go for guys myself,
408
00:21:54,760 --> 00:21:58,020
but in the dark I'll catch a gray, you know what I mean?
409
00:21:58,020 --> 00:21:59,360
- No.
410
00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:00,570
- As Gertrude Stein said,
411
00:22:00,570 --> 00:22:02,533
a mouth is a mouth is a mouth.
412
00:22:03,460 --> 00:22:05,340
- Gertrude Stein.
413
00:22:05,340 --> 00:22:06,173
- What I'm trying to say is,
414
00:22:06,173 --> 00:22:08,206
getting your dick wet is getting your dick wet.
415
00:22:08,206 --> 00:22:09,194
- Oh.
416
00:22:09,194 --> 00:22:12,240
- All right, enough of the crap, pay attention.
417
00:22:12,240 --> 00:22:14,440
- Oh God that's me, turn it off, turn it off.
418
00:22:14,440 --> 00:22:15,630
- Yeah Lester, shut it down.
419
00:22:15,630 --> 00:22:16,873
- I'm trying.
420
00:22:19,610 --> 00:22:21,270
- Oh my God.
421
00:22:21,270 --> 00:22:23,143
- Sorry, I'm sorry.
422
00:22:25,380 --> 00:22:27,377
- Hey Joann, I have the--
423
00:22:28,530 --> 00:22:30,163
Oh my God.
424
00:22:33,190 --> 00:22:35,910
Oh, I'm sorry.
425
00:22:35,910 --> 00:22:37,103
I'll be back later.
426
00:22:39,448 --> 00:22:40,957
- I got lunch for everyone and--
427
00:22:43,890 --> 00:22:46,300
God I hope he's a grower.
428
00:22:46,300 --> 00:22:47,760
- You can stop bawling,
429
00:22:47,760 --> 00:22:48,760
it's not that small.
430
00:23:14,800 --> 00:23:16,850
- Maybe we should have called before?
431
00:23:16,850 --> 00:23:17,800
- No it's all good.
432
00:23:18,820 --> 00:23:19,653
I'm a brother here,
433
00:23:19,653 --> 00:23:22,120
and we brothers have to offer each other hospitality.
434
00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:23,240
It's in our code.
435
00:23:23,240 --> 00:23:24,073
- Wait a minute.
436
00:23:26,516 --> 00:23:27,473
A little conspicuous don't you think?
437
00:23:27,473 --> 00:23:29,913
- It's okay, I made one.
438
00:23:31,850 --> 00:23:32,683
Here, handsome.
439
00:23:34,860 --> 00:23:36,153
It matches your eyes.
440
00:23:47,960 --> 00:23:49,703
- Hey, brother Chuck.
441
00:23:54,335 --> 00:23:55,168
Deltas!
442
00:23:55,168 --> 00:23:57,080
- In the flesh, brother Hunter.
443
00:23:57,080 --> 00:23:58,990
Wanted to come by for a quick visit to the old house,
444
00:23:58,990 --> 00:24:00,620
show it off to my new friends.
445
00:24:00,620 --> 00:24:01,453
You mind?
446
00:24:01,453 --> 00:24:02,286
- Oh, of course not brother.
447
00:24:02,286 --> 00:24:04,190
Mi casa es su casa, you know that.
448
00:24:04,190 --> 00:24:05,500
Come on in fellas.
449
00:24:05,500 --> 00:24:07,020
You've gotta see the place man,
450
00:24:07,020 --> 00:24:08,693
we have not improved a thing.
451
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:11,343
Hey, dudes.
452
00:24:12,527 --> 00:24:14,652
Look, brother Chuck.
453
00:24:14,652 --> 00:24:15,485
You remember him?
454
00:24:15,485 --> 00:24:16,902
- Yeah, up Chuck.
455
00:24:17,808 --> 00:24:18,863
How's it hangin'?
456
00:24:18,863 --> 00:24:20,711
- Haven't seen you since you graduated, bro.
457
00:24:20,711 --> 00:24:21,910
- Yeah, what the fuck is up man?
458
00:24:21,910 --> 00:24:23,920
- Hey guys, good to see you all again.
459
00:24:23,920 --> 00:24:25,850
These are my bros, Matt and Joey.
460
00:24:25,850 --> 00:24:27,160
They wanted to come by and see the old place,
461
00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:28,410
I talked about it so much.
462
00:24:28,410 --> 00:24:29,960
- And I see you brought along a pledge.
463
00:24:29,960 --> 00:24:30,793
- Pledge?
464
00:24:33,600 --> 00:24:34,463
- This is Rod.
465
00:24:35,300 --> 00:24:36,133
- I'm a hostage.
466
00:24:37,480 --> 00:24:38,420
- Kidder.
467
00:24:38,420 --> 00:24:40,740
- Good to see you want to keep the old traditions alive.
468
00:24:40,740 --> 00:24:42,920
- How do we know this isn't some kind of trick?
469
00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:44,480
Who are these strangers?
470
00:24:44,480 --> 00:24:46,460
Maybe they're plants from Beta Upsilon Tau.
471
00:24:46,460 --> 00:24:47,860
- How dare you?
472
00:24:47,860 --> 00:24:49,000
Our rivals?
473
00:24:49,000 --> 00:24:51,040
I am a proud Delta, just like you all.
474
00:24:51,040 --> 00:24:53,140
- Surely we can trust old Up Chuck?
475
00:24:53,140 --> 00:24:55,610
Remember, when he drank 37 beers the night
476
00:24:55,610 --> 00:24:57,180
before the fraternity carnival?
477
00:24:57,180 --> 00:24:58,420
- We lost to the Betas that year,
478
00:24:58,420 --> 00:25:00,750
because he was too hung over for the wrestling competition.
479
00:25:00,750 --> 00:25:03,470
Maybe he's been deep undercover all along.
480
00:25:03,470 --> 00:25:05,140
- What's going on brothers?
481
00:25:05,140 --> 00:25:07,120
Why are you so suspicious?
482
00:25:07,120 --> 00:25:09,140
- It's time we leveled with you Chuck.
483
00:25:09,140 --> 00:25:12,010
We are basically all that's left of Delta Iota Kappa.
484
00:25:12,010 --> 00:25:12,910
- What?
485
00:25:12,910 --> 00:25:14,400
The three of you?
486
00:25:14,400 --> 00:25:16,350
- Yeah, and Luke.
487
00:25:16,350 --> 00:25:18,930
He's busy in the other room, banging the frat house slut.
488
00:25:18,930 --> 00:25:20,510
- Frat house slut.
489
00:25:20,510 --> 00:25:21,360
- How did this happen?
490
00:25:21,360 --> 00:25:24,090
- Well some people thought our frat hazing
491
00:25:24,090 --> 00:25:26,340
from last year got a little out of hand.
492
00:25:26,340 --> 00:25:27,320
- Out of hand?
493
00:25:27,320 --> 00:25:28,950
- Yeah, some pledge almost drowned
494
00:25:28,950 --> 00:25:30,530
when we made him three laps in the pool,
495
00:25:30,530 --> 00:25:32,440
with a lit candle sticking out of his ass.
496
00:25:32,440 --> 00:25:33,900
- [Frat Bro] And, in our defense,
497
00:25:33,900 --> 00:25:35,580
it was hilarious at the time.
498
00:25:35,580 --> 00:25:37,500
- But those bastards at Beta Upsilon Tau
499
00:25:37,500 --> 00:25:40,010
reported us to the college administration.
500
00:25:40,010 --> 00:25:41,630
So now we, are on probation
501
00:25:41,630 --> 00:25:43,993
until we can get our act together.
502
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:47,590
- Hey brother Hunter, question.
503
00:25:47,590 --> 00:25:49,060
- What's up Up Chuck?
504
00:25:49,060 --> 00:25:51,140
- Why is the rooster naked?
505
00:25:51,140 --> 00:25:52,540
- Why wouldn't he be?
506
00:25:52,540 --> 00:25:54,163
I mean just look at him.
507
00:25:55,855 --> 00:25:56,700
- It's our mascot.
508
00:25:56,700 --> 00:25:57,810
- Those Betas are always trying
509
00:25:57,810 --> 00:25:59,590
to get their hands on Delta cock.
510
00:25:59,590 --> 00:26:01,280
- They're gonna take me back to the frat,
511
00:26:01,280 --> 00:26:02,930
and do unspeakable things to me.
512
00:26:02,930 --> 00:26:04,870
I don't want to do unspeakable things to their frat.
513
00:26:04,870 --> 00:26:06,620
Only here, Delta for life!
514
00:26:06,620 --> 00:26:07,760
- Deltas!
515
00:26:07,760 --> 00:26:10,930
- No no no, we not gonna do unspeakable things,
516
00:26:10,930 --> 00:26:13,570
I mean, normally, maybe,
517
00:26:13,570 --> 00:26:16,230
but this time, we're going right to the Dean.
518
00:26:16,230 --> 00:26:17,520
You guys are hazing again,
519
00:26:17,520 --> 00:26:20,400
and now Delta Iota Kappa is over.
520
00:26:20,400 --> 00:26:21,880
- Yeah, over.
521
00:26:21,880 --> 00:26:23,850
- So help me God.
522
00:26:23,850 --> 00:26:26,633
If you touch one vein on that beautiful cock.
523
00:26:32,030 --> 00:26:33,533
- Allow us.
524
00:26:34,556 --> 00:26:37,556
(heavy metal music)
525
00:27:29,600 --> 00:27:33,220
- Here comes the secret Delta Iota Kappa handshake.
526
00:27:33,220 --> 00:27:35,213
- Secret handshake.
527
00:28:08,986 --> 00:28:09,819
- Whoo!
528
00:28:11,274 --> 00:28:12,790
- I guess we can trust these guys.
529
00:28:12,790 --> 00:28:15,690
- Absolutely yes, Joey, Matt,
530
00:28:15,690 --> 00:28:17,720
I hereby call you honorary members
531
00:28:17,720 --> 00:28:20,470
of the Delta Iota Kappa fraternity.
532
00:28:20,470 --> 00:28:21,580
- Thank you.
533
00:28:21,580 --> 00:28:23,250
- What about this one now?
534
00:28:23,250 --> 00:28:24,800
Your pledge?
535
00:28:24,800 --> 00:28:26,258
- Pledge.
536
00:28:26,258 --> 00:28:28,480
- Yeah, you guessed it bud,
537
00:28:28,480 --> 00:28:31,440
this guy never really had the true frat experience,
538
00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:34,800
so we thought we'd do a little hazing.
539
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:36,440
- Well that's perfect.
540
00:28:36,440 --> 00:28:38,500
It's hell week for our pledges, right now.
541
00:28:38,500 --> 00:28:39,800
- Hell week?
542
00:28:39,800 --> 00:28:41,780
But I thought you said you were on probation
543
00:28:41,780 --> 00:28:42,890
because of your hazing?
544
00:28:42,890 --> 00:28:44,640
- Well yeah, but that doesn't mean
545
00:28:44,640 --> 00:28:47,070
we're gonna break with tradition.
546
00:28:47,070 --> 00:28:48,360
- Well shit, yeah.
547
00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:50,930
That's why we brought this guy along, hell week.
548
00:28:50,930 --> 00:28:52,870
I just wanted to show him around a little.
549
00:28:52,870 --> 00:28:56,110
- All right pledge, are you ready to join this fraternity?
550
00:28:56,110 --> 00:28:57,510
- No.
551
00:28:57,510 --> 00:28:59,750
- Well, you don't deserve it.
552
00:28:59,750 --> 00:29:00,643
- Dance monkey.
553
00:29:10,370 --> 00:29:11,610
- Classic.
554
00:29:11,610 --> 00:29:14,030
All right, let's put him with the others.
555
00:29:14,030 --> 00:29:15,913
- Wait, the others?
556
00:29:16,810 --> 00:29:19,463
- Like I told you, it's hell week, baby.
557
00:29:22,150 --> 00:29:25,563
And you know what happens to pledges on hell week.
558
00:29:27,220 --> 00:29:29,813
Now I don't remember telling you you could stop dancing.
559
00:29:31,340 --> 00:29:32,277
Drop the shoulders.
560
00:29:32,277 --> 00:29:33,843
A little bit of movement.
561
00:29:43,360 --> 00:29:46,540
- This one's sleeping in here tonight, right boy?
562
00:29:46,540 --> 00:29:47,763
- Sorry, yes sir.
563
00:29:49,540 --> 00:29:51,630
- Oh, pathetic pledges,
564
00:29:51,630 --> 00:29:52,923
sleeping in here.
565
00:29:54,640 --> 00:29:56,543
- Why am I erect?
566
00:29:58,860 --> 00:30:01,750
- And these lucky gents get the comfy bed,
567
00:30:01,750 --> 00:30:04,453
but have to go totally nude, wrapped up together.
568
00:30:06,520 --> 00:30:08,130
You'll totally be fags for each other
569
00:30:08,130 --> 00:30:10,210
by tomorrow morning, I bet.
570
00:30:10,210 --> 00:30:11,280
Right pledge?
571
00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:12,830
- Sir, yes sir.
572
00:30:12,830 --> 00:30:15,060
- Where do you want to put yours, brother Chuck?
573
00:30:15,060 --> 00:30:18,630
- Uh, let me confer with my associates.
574
00:30:18,630 --> 00:30:19,463
Just a moment.
575
00:30:25,580 --> 00:30:26,413
- What's wrong?
576
00:30:26,413 --> 00:30:28,320
- Guys, shouldn't we worry about?
577
00:30:28,320 --> 00:30:29,153
- No, that's Luke.
578
00:30:29,153 --> 00:30:30,930
He's just boning, he won't notice anything.
579
00:30:30,930 --> 00:30:33,370
Joey, Matt, we have a problem.
580
00:30:33,370 --> 00:30:34,203
- What is it?
581
00:30:34,203 --> 00:30:36,590
- The diamonds and the plane tickets are in that bed.
582
00:30:36,590 --> 00:30:37,970
That's where I hid them,
583
00:30:37,970 --> 00:30:39,240
underneath those naked pledges.
584
00:30:39,240 --> 00:30:40,073
- Shit.
585
00:30:41,500 --> 00:30:42,950
- Okay so, what does that mean?
586
00:30:42,950 --> 00:30:44,940
- It means we can't get to them until 10 in the morning
587
00:30:44,940 --> 00:30:45,810
when they take the pledges
588
00:30:45,810 --> 00:30:47,960
for their naked run through the streets.
589
00:30:47,960 --> 00:30:49,530
I forgot it was gonna be hell week this time of year,
590
00:30:49,530 --> 00:30:50,860
but I still remember how it works.
591
00:30:50,860 --> 00:30:52,055
- Okay, then now what?
592
00:30:52,055 --> 00:30:55,010
Oh wait, did you say, naked pledges?
593
00:30:55,010 --> 00:30:57,320
- Okay, look guys, this is not a disaster,
594
00:30:57,320 --> 00:30:58,683
not at all, all right.
595
00:31:00,060 --> 00:31:01,460
Okay Chuck, can your frat brothers
596
00:31:01,460 --> 00:31:02,440
put us up here for the night?
597
00:31:02,440 --> 00:31:03,450
- Of course.
598
00:31:03,450 --> 00:31:04,283
- Okay, good.
599
00:31:05,170 --> 00:31:06,830
Cops won't think to look for us here.
600
00:31:06,830 --> 00:31:08,397
No one will.
601
00:31:08,397 --> 00:31:09,230
We get to wait out here the rest of the night,
602
00:31:09,230 --> 00:31:12,350
and in the morning, grab the shit and get out of this town.
603
00:31:12,350 --> 00:31:13,410
Even better, we can get some shut-eye
604
00:31:13,410 --> 00:31:14,730
and be fresh for our trip.
605
00:31:14,730 --> 00:31:15,720
- Works for me.
606
00:31:15,720 --> 00:31:16,553
- Great.
607
00:31:17,390 --> 00:31:18,903
- Hey Chuck,
608
00:31:20,180 --> 00:31:22,030
did you have to go through this pledging stuff?
609
00:31:22,030 --> 00:31:24,270
Were you tied up naked with a bunch of other dudes?
610
00:31:24,270 --> 00:31:25,460
- Yeah.
611
00:31:25,460 --> 00:31:28,850
- Uh, how do I put this delicately?
612
00:31:28,850 --> 00:31:30,240
- Did you have to fuck another dude?
613
00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:31,420
- Wait, fucked?
614
00:31:31,420 --> 00:31:33,330
Oh God, you got fucked, didn't you?
615
00:31:33,330 --> 00:31:34,330
Oh you liked it.
616
00:31:34,330 --> 00:31:36,280
- Not me, but some poor bastards did.
617
00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:37,410
I was lucky.
618
00:31:37,410 --> 00:31:39,376
I only had to give another pledge a hand job.
619
00:31:39,376 --> 00:31:40,209
- Hot.
620
00:31:40,209 --> 00:31:41,042
- No, when you're pledging you have to do
621
00:31:41,042 --> 00:31:42,450
what every brother tells you.
622
00:31:42,450 --> 00:31:43,600
- Sounds pretty gay to me.
623
00:31:43,600 --> 00:31:46,576
- It's not gay, it's discipline.
624
00:31:46,576 --> 00:31:47,409
- Hot.
625
00:31:48,310 --> 00:31:49,540
- If a pledge mouths off or whatever
626
00:31:49,540 --> 00:31:51,630
they can be forced to serve a brother for the night.
627
00:31:51,630 --> 00:31:53,650
- I could use a servant.
628
00:31:53,650 --> 00:31:56,650
- You guys, it's not supposed to be fun, or sexual,
629
00:31:56,650 --> 00:31:58,200
for the pledges anyway.
630
00:31:58,200 --> 00:32:01,483
It's supposed to be completely humiliating and degrading.
631
00:32:02,391 --> 00:32:03,224
- Hot.
632
00:32:04,630 --> 00:32:05,463
- Chuck?
633
00:32:05,463 --> 00:32:06,440
Is that you?
634
00:32:06,440 --> 00:32:07,940
- Oh shit.
635
00:32:07,940 --> 00:32:09,260
Beverly, hi.
636
00:32:09,260 --> 00:32:10,530
- Hey.
637
00:32:10,530 --> 00:32:12,533
- Ah shut up Luke, you came already.
638
00:32:16,741 --> 00:32:18,550
You still taste so good.
639
00:32:20,180 --> 00:32:22,420
What are you doing back in town?
640
00:32:22,420 --> 00:32:23,253
- Uh oh.
641
00:32:29,760 --> 00:32:31,580
- So yeah brothers,
642
00:32:31,580 --> 00:32:32,980
our plans fell through,
643
00:32:32,980 --> 00:32:34,720
and it looks like we're gonna need a place to crash,
644
00:32:34,720 --> 00:32:35,870
just for tonight.
645
00:32:35,870 --> 00:32:37,000
- Of course, buddy.
646
00:32:37,000 --> 00:32:38,640
Since the pledges are all scattered around,
647
00:32:38,640 --> 00:32:41,443
we've got plenty of space.
648
00:32:41,443 --> 00:32:44,840
- Good, because I want to get this hunk back in the sack.
649
00:32:44,840 --> 00:32:45,920
- Oh Beverly.
650
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:46,923
You old slut.
651
00:32:48,150 --> 00:32:49,890
- I like what I like.
652
00:32:49,890 --> 00:32:52,060
- Can we get a separate room?
653
00:32:52,060 --> 00:32:52,893
Matt and I?
654
00:32:52,893 --> 00:32:53,950
- Of course, dudes.
655
00:32:53,950 --> 00:32:55,930
Hey, tell you what,
656
00:32:55,930 --> 00:32:58,300
some of the pledges have been pretty disobedient.
657
00:32:58,300 --> 00:33:00,470
Why don't you each take one to be your servant tonight?
658
00:33:00,470 --> 00:33:01,410
- Really?
659
00:33:01,410 --> 00:33:03,930
- Sure, whatever you need, they'll do it.
660
00:33:03,930 --> 00:33:05,260
They'll treat you with the same respect
661
00:33:05,260 --> 00:33:07,130
they would their elder brothers.
662
00:33:07,130 --> 00:33:07,963
- Yeah, we'll flip a coin
663
00:33:07,963 --> 00:33:09,670
to see what pledge gets to serve you.
664
00:33:09,670 --> 00:33:13,100
- No need, I'll take the brown-eyed one,
665
00:33:13,100 --> 00:33:15,240
and the curly-haired one in the bathroom.
666
00:33:15,240 --> 00:33:17,653
- And of course, Rod can come with us too.
667
00:33:20,040 --> 00:33:22,107
- You want one, Chuck?
668
00:33:22,107 --> 00:33:24,343
- Naw, I think he's got his hands full,
669
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:26,053
of me.
670
00:33:27,460 --> 00:33:29,200
- Oh I'll bet he will.
671
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:31,390
I'll bet he will.
672
00:33:31,390 --> 00:33:32,640
- Hey dude, don't be afraid
673
00:33:32,640 --> 00:33:34,640
to do whatever you want to the pledges.
674
00:33:34,640 --> 00:33:36,090
It's part of their ordeal,
675
00:33:36,090 --> 00:33:39,670
and remember, it's not gay if it's your dick getting sucked.
676
00:33:39,670 --> 00:33:41,640
- It's not gay.
677
00:33:41,640 --> 00:33:44,460
- Thanks broseph, I'll remember that.
678
00:33:44,460 --> 00:33:46,940
- Oh yeah, and there's condoms in the dresser drawer.
679
00:33:46,940 --> 00:33:48,690
But only use them if you need them.
680
00:33:53,040 --> 00:33:54,520
- These boys will stop at nothing,
681
00:33:54,520 --> 00:33:56,083
they are ruthless.
682
00:33:57,180 --> 00:33:58,013
Poor Rod.
683
00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:00,123
We have to find you.
684
00:34:02,460 --> 00:34:03,293
- Joann.
685
00:34:04,140 --> 00:34:07,990
I'm sorry, we have done a search of all the hotels,
686
00:34:07,990 --> 00:34:11,190
motels, hostels, flop houses, and bed and breakfasts,
687
00:34:11,190 --> 00:34:13,550
in a 200 mile radius.
688
00:34:13,550 --> 00:34:16,295
Those jizz jockeys are nowhere to be found.
689
00:34:16,295 --> 00:34:17,900
- And you've got your eye on the airports,
690
00:34:17,900 --> 00:34:20,360
the bus depots, and the train stations?
691
00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:21,193
- Of course.
692
00:34:22,330 --> 00:34:23,850
- We are going to find them.
693
00:34:23,850 --> 00:34:25,630
Believe you me.
694
00:34:25,630 --> 00:34:27,620
They have kidnapped Officer Pence,
695
00:34:27,620 --> 00:34:30,523
and they will pay for that.
696
00:34:31,630 --> 00:34:32,760
- They also shot you.
697
00:34:32,760 --> 00:34:35,633
- Don't tell me what to be angry about, Lester!
698
00:34:35,633 --> 00:34:36,670
- Yes, ma'am.
699
00:34:36,670 --> 00:34:37,543
Sorry ma'am.
700
00:34:46,802 --> 00:34:49,969
- Well Rod, where have they taken you?
701
00:34:52,861 --> 00:34:55,111
(grunting)
702
00:35:05,156 --> 00:35:06,106
- Now kiss bitches.
703
00:35:07,560 --> 00:35:10,643
(playful jazz music)
704
00:35:31,070 --> 00:35:32,170
- What's the matter, Rod?
705
00:35:32,170 --> 00:35:33,003
You want to join in?
706
00:35:33,003 --> 00:35:33,836
- No.
707
00:35:33,836 --> 00:35:34,669
- You sure?
708
00:35:34,669 --> 00:35:35,502
We'll untie you if you help us
709
00:35:35,502 --> 00:35:36,880
by sucking these dudes' dicks.
710
00:35:36,880 --> 00:35:39,270
- Oh, we'll have to ungag him, too.
711
00:35:39,270 --> 00:35:42,253
- I guess so, if he's gonna take a shot or two in the mouth.
712
00:35:44,730 --> 00:35:46,390
- Oh come on Rod, don't be a pussy.
713
00:35:46,390 --> 00:35:48,260
Want to play with us?
714
00:35:48,260 --> 00:35:50,123
- Oh Rod, you're gonna love this.
715
00:36:03,798 --> 00:36:05,000
(sighing)
716
00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:05,833
- Oh Chuck.
717
00:36:07,517 --> 00:36:10,100
It's so good to have you back.
718
00:36:10,100 --> 00:36:12,123
- You too, Beverly.
719
00:36:13,380 --> 00:36:14,580
- You ready to go again?
720
00:36:15,720 --> 00:36:17,020
- Just give me 15 minutes.
721
00:36:18,681 --> 00:36:20,053
I'm not as young as I used to be.
722
00:36:20,910 --> 00:36:24,790
- Oh hey, sorry, I didn't realize Beverly was occupied,
723
00:36:24,790 --> 00:36:26,010
I've got some dank weed.
724
00:36:26,010 --> 00:36:27,780
- Yeah, sorry Luke.
725
00:36:27,780 --> 00:36:29,450
See you tomorrow?
726
00:36:29,450 --> 00:36:32,820
Chucky will be gone by then and we can smoke up
727
00:36:32,820 --> 00:36:34,010
and do that thing you like
728
00:36:34,010 --> 00:36:35,960
with the whipped cream and the bananas.
729
00:36:36,930 --> 00:36:39,093
- Okay, I'll see you tomorrow night, then.
730
00:36:41,770 --> 00:36:44,647
- Honestly, Luke isn't the brightest knife in the drawer
731
00:36:44,647 --> 00:36:47,020
but he eats pussy like a madman
732
00:36:47,020 --> 00:36:49,170
so I'm inclined to forgive him his foibles.
733
00:36:50,720 --> 00:36:51,553
- He's a weirdo.
734
00:36:53,240 --> 00:36:56,160
- You're not jealous are you Chucky?
735
00:36:56,160 --> 00:36:57,920
- Don't call me Chucky.
736
00:36:57,920 --> 00:36:58,753
It's diminutive.
737
00:36:59,690 --> 00:37:01,023
- Oh, I'm sorry.
738
00:37:02,185 --> 00:37:03,935
I've been a bad girl.
739
00:37:05,253 --> 00:37:08,763
Why don't you come over here and let me make it up to you?
740
00:37:10,640 --> 00:37:12,090
- Maybe we could just cuddle?
741
00:37:13,850 --> 00:37:14,683
- All right.
742
00:37:16,130 --> 00:37:20,150
But I want you inside of me in the morning.
743
00:37:20,150 --> 00:37:22,020
- Whatever you say.
744
00:37:22,020 --> 00:37:23,173
As long as it's before 10 a.m.
745
00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:25,513
- Why?
746
00:37:26,510 --> 00:37:29,423
- I mean, whatever, it's no big thing.
747
00:37:31,240 --> 00:37:33,523
- What are you doing back here anyway?
748
00:37:35,570 --> 00:37:38,423
- Well, can you keep a secret?
749
00:37:44,810 --> 00:37:47,370
- Those boots are looking mighty fine, pledge,
750
00:37:47,370 --> 00:37:49,233
mighty fine indeed.
751
00:37:50,550 --> 00:37:52,380
I have an exam coming up pledge,
752
00:37:52,380 --> 00:37:54,350
an exam on Ayn Rand.
753
00:37:54,350 --> 00:37:56,060
Have you read Rand?
754
00:37:56,060 --> 00:37:56,893
- Yes, sir.
755
00:37:56,893 --> 00:37:57,930
- No, you haven't.
756
00:37:57,930 --> 00:37:59,010
You know why?
757
00:37:59,010 --> 00:38:00,670
Because Rand fucking reads you
758
00:38:00,670 --> 00:38:03,460
like the parasite she knows you are.
759
00:38:03,460 --> 00:38:05,000
- I've heard that before, sir.
760
00:38:05,000 --> 00:38:07,740
- I used to jack off to Rand, pledge.
761
00:38:07,740 --> 00:38:10,660
Not her philosophy, just her.
762
00:38:10,660 --> 00:38:12,690
Her eyes, her pantsuits.
763
00:38:12,690 --> 00:38:14,950
Holy fuck she was something,
764
00:38:14,950 --> 00:38:16,880
and that's when I started to read her books.
765
00:38:16,880 --> 00:38:19,980
And then I realized, Ayn Rand's words alone
766
00:38:19,980 --> 00:38:21,840
make my dick rock hard.
767
00:38:21,840 --> 00:38:23,380
Have you read the Fountainhead?
768
00:38:23,380 --> 00:38:24,310
- Yes, sir.
769
00:38:24,310 --> 00:38:27,200
- The Fountainhead is about the tip of my penis.
770
00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:29,430
It's about the tip of all of our penises.
771
00:38:29,430 --> 00:38:31,160
Is it penises, or peen-eye?
772
00:38:31,160 --> 00:38:32,410
- It's cock, sir.
773
00:38:32,410 --> 00:38:33,243
- What's that?
774
00:38:33,243 --> 00:38:34,480
- It's cock,
775
00:38:34,480 --> 00:38:38,370
big, bludgeoning, beautifully objectivist cock.
776
00:38:38,370 --> 00:38:39,833
- Makes you hard, doesn't it?
777
00:38:40,690 --> 00:38:41,910
- Your boots are done.
778
00:38:41,910 --> 00:38:43,550
- So they are.
779
00:38:43,550 --> 00:38:45,100
Is there anything I can help you with?
780
00:38:45,100 --> 00:38:48,690
- I'm writing an essay, required, on The Maltese Falcon,
781
00:38:48,690 --> 00:38:50,670
John Huston, 1941.
782
00:38:50,670 --> 00:38:52,123
- Yep, great film.
783
00:38:53,260 --> 00:38:54,510
And?
784
00:38:54,510 --> 00:38:57,700
For me, I feel the film would be better, smoother,
785
00:38:57,700 --> 00:38:59,470
if the character of Kasper Gutman,
786
00:38:59,470 --> 00:39:01,560
portrayed by Sydney Greenstreet,
787
00:39:01,560 --> 00:39:03,580
was replaced with Lex Luthor,
788
00:39:03,580 --> 00:39:07,340
portrayed by Kevin Spacey from Superman Returns, 2006.
789
00:39:07,340 --> 00:39:09,580
That's the subject of my essay,
790
00:39:09,580 --> 00:39:12,500
but Professor Denton rejected it, whole cloth.
791
00:39:12,500 --> 00:39:14,640
- You're a film major, aren't you pledge?
792
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:15,590
- Yes, sir.
793
00:39:15,590 --> 00:39:17,770
Although I ordinarily refuse to view anything
794
00:39:17,770 --> 00:39:19,650
lensed prior to 1977.
795
00:39:19,650 --> 00:39:21,430
- Why 1977?
796
00:39:21,430 --> 00:39:22,963
- Star Wars.
797
00:39:32,950 --> 00:39:35,370
- Take them and cut them out in little stars,
798
00:39:35,370 --> 00:39:37,490
and he will make a face of heaven so fine,
799
00:39:37,490 --> 00:39:39,700
that all the world will be in love with night,
800
00:39:39,700 --> 00:39:42,310
pay no worship to the garish sun.
801
00:39:42,310 --> 00:39:43,940
Oh I have bought a mansion of love,
802
00:39:43,940 --> 00:39:45,380
but not possessed it.
803
00:39:45,380 --> 00:39:48,040
And though I am sold, not yet enjoyed.
804
00:39:48,040 --> 00:39:49,880
So tedious is this day
805
00:39:49,880 --> 00:39:51,920
as is the night before some festival
806
00:39:51,920 --> 00:39:53,980
to the impatient child that hath new robes
807
00:39:53,980 --> 00:39:55,200
and may not wear them.
808
00:39:58,761 --> 00:40:02,094
(soft funky jazz music)
809
00:40:46,733 --> 00:40:48,233
- 9-1-1.
810
00:40:50,870 --> 00:40:51,703
- Hello?
811
00:40:53,110 --> 00:40:54,320
Uh huh.
812
00:40:54,320 --> 00:40:56,220
You've been kidnapped?
813
00:40:56,220 --> 00:40:57,570
So?
814
00:40:57,570 --> 00:40:58,980
Uh huh.
815
00:40:58,980 --> 00:41:02,823
Ah, I see, let me transfer you to somebody who gives a shit.
816
00:41:04,520 --> 00:41:05,353
Idiot.
817
00:41:06,671 --> 00:41:08,088
- [Operator] 9-1-1, how can we help you?
818
00:41:08,088 --> 00:41:08,921
- Help me, please.
819
00:41:08,921 --> 00:41:09,754
Help me.
820
00:41:09,754 --> 00:41:10,587
- [Operator] Yes, sir.
821
00:41:10,587 --> 00:41:11,420
Please be specific.
822
00:41:11,420 --> 00:41:12,423
Put me through to Joann Cumbersbeck, please.
823
00:41:13,332 --> 00:41:15,220
- [Operator] I don't understand, sir.
824
00:41:15,220 --> 00:41:18,860
- I'm a cop, Officer Rod Pence, I've been kidnapped,
825
00:41:18,860 --> 00:41:20,870
put me through to Joann Cumbersbeck, now.
826
00:41:20,870 --> 00:41:22,850
- [Operator] Yes sir, please hold.
827
00:41:22,850 --> 00:41:24,878
- Hey, what's going on?
828
00:41:24,878 --> 00:41:27,210
- Nothing, nothing, don't worry about me.
829
00:41:27,210 --> 00:41:29,250
- Is that pledge calling his mother?
830
00:41:29,250 --> 00:41:31,200
- Or his girlfriend?
831
00:41:31,200 --> 00:41:32,493
Gonna cry pussy?
832
00:41:33,420 --> 00:41:34,660
- What's going on?
833
00:41:34,660 --> 00:41:37,120
- This pledge is calling his mommy.
834
00:41:37,120 --> 00:41:37,953
- Lame.
835
00:41:37,953 --> 00:41:39,150
- Oh quiet, quiet.
836
00:41:39,150 --> 00:41:42,012
I'm not calling my mother, this is very important.
837
00:41:42,012 --> 00:41:42,845
- [Joann] Rod? Rod? Is that you?
838
00:41:42,845 --> 00:41:44,820
- Joann, Joann, thank God,
839
00:41:44,820 --> 00:41:47,300
I'm naked Joann, they made me do terrible things.
840
00:41:47,300 --> 00:41:50,360
- Oh waa waa, listen to the baby pussy boy.
841
00:41:50,360 --> 00:41:52,560
- Who's Joann, your girlfriend?
842
00:41:52,560 --> 00:41:53,437
- [Joann] Where are you?
843
00:41:53,437 --> 00:41:56,250
- Joann, I'm naked, they made me, they made me.
844
00:41:56,250 --> 00:41:59,160
- [Joann] Rod focus, we will come to find you.
845
00:41:59,160 --> 00:42:00,610
Where are you?
846
00:42:00,610 --> 00:42:02,852
- They took me to some frat house somewhere.
847
00:42:02,852 --> 00:42:03,685
- [Joann] A frat house?
848
00:42:03,685 --> 00:42:04,518
- Yeah, I'm standing here in the middle--
849
00:42:04,518 --> 00:42:07,920
- What the hell is going on in here?
850
00:42:07,920 --> 00:42:11,360
- Pledge, you have been very insubordinate.
851
00:42:11,360 --> 00:42:13,650
At this rate, your never gonna join the frat.
852
00:42:13,650 --> 00:42:16,610
- What? I don't want to join your frat.
853
00:42:16,610 --> 00:42:17,623
- Grab him.
854
00:42:17,623 --> 00:42:18,456
- No, no.
855
00:42:18,456 --> 00:42:21,423
I'm not a pledge!
856
00:42:21,423 --> 00:42:23,590
- Lester, Lester, I need you to trace this call.
857
00:42:23,590 --> 00:42:25,210
I need you to triangulate this location.
858
00:42:25,210 --> 00:42:26,670
I should have known it.
859
00:42:26,670 --> 00:42:28,973
Those faggots were in a frat house.
860
00:42:33,060 --> 00:42:34,910
What in the raging shits is this?
861
00:42:34,910 --> 00:42:36,610
- Drag queen from the club,
862
00:42:36,610 --> 00:42:38,610
name's Pinata Debris.
863
00:42:38,610 --> 00:42:40,620
Wanted to give a statement.
864
00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:43,260
- Thank you, Lester.
865
00:42:43,260 --> 00:42:44,560
You've been too kind.
866
00:42:48,507 --> 00:42:50,863
- What have you got for me?
867
00:42:50,863 --> 00:42:52,030
- Information.
868
00:42:53,441 --> 00:42:54,441
Experience.
869
00:42:58,351 --> 00:43:00,563
Lips for days.
870
00:43:03,548 --> 00:43:05,923
- All right, what can you tell me about frat houses?
871
00:43:07,010 --> 00:43:10,680
- Darling, I believe the plural is frat hice?
872
00:43:12,831 --> 00:43:15,164
(screaming)
873
00:43:16,637 --> 00:43:17,470
- What's going on?
874
00:43:17,470 --> 00:43:18,400
- What's all that noise.
875
00:43:18,400 --> 00:43:19,340
- Is this normal?
876
00:43:19,340 --> 00:43:21,840
- I don't know.
877
00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:25,593
- I don't think so, but it's hell week, who knows?
878
00:43:26,670 --> 00:43:27,720
- Better investigate.
879
00:43:28,850 --> 00:43:32,503
- Wait, you guys are totally straight, right?
880
00:43:33,620 --> 00:43:35,113
- Yes. - Yeah.
881
00:43:36,036 --> 00:43:37,630
- Great.
882
00:43:37,630 --> 00:43:39,870
Make out with each other until we get back.
883
00:43:39,870 --> 00:43:40,703
- No slacking.
884
00:43:44,730 --> 00:43:47,730
(rock guitar music)
885
00:43:49,950 --> 00:43:52,540
- Thank you sir, may I have another.
886
00:43:52,540 --> 00:43:55,494
Thank you sir, may I have another.
887
00:43:55,494 --> 00:43:58,390
Thank you sir, may I have another.
888
00:43:58,390 --> 00:43:59,380
- Hey, what's going on here?
889
00:43:59,380 --> 00:44:02,130
- This pledge tried making contact with the outside world.
890
00:44:02,130 --> 00:44:03,610
He was calling someone named Joann
891
00:44:03,610 --> 00:44:04,920
to try to get him out of this.
892
00:44:04,920 --> 00:44:06,430
- Probably his mother.
893
00:44:06,430 --> 00:44:07,800
- Shut up, pledge.
894
00:44:07,800 --> 00:44:09,720
- Sir, yes sir.
895
00:44:09,720 --> 00:44:10,553
- Joann?
896
00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:13,190
- Must be his partner.
897
00:44:13,190 --> 00:44:16,410
It's okay boys, we'll take charge of him from here.
898
00:44:16,410 --> 00:44:19,683
- And we'll be sure to administer severe punishment.
899
00:44:20,730 --> 00:44:22,970
- Great, because it's about time
900
00:44:22,970 --> 00:44:26,150
for our naked humiliation walk.
901
00:44:26,150 --> 00:44:29,130
Okay pledges, drop 'em.
902
00:44:29,130 --> 00:44:30,523
- Sir, yes sir.
903
00:44:33,530 --> 00:44:36,170
- All right pledges, hands on heads and out the door.
904
00:44:36,170 --> 00:44:38,032
Let's go, single file.
905
00:44:38,032 --> 00:44:39,199
Count 'em off.
906
00:44:46,090 --> 00:44:49,090
- So you really care about this Rod guy, right?
907
00:44:49,090 --> 00:44:50,830
- His name is Officer Pence to you.
908
00:44:50,830 --> 00:44:53,843
- But you really seem to care a lot about him.
909
00:44:54,690 --> 00:44:56,610
Why is that?
910
00:44:56,610 --> 00:44:57,593
- He's a good cop.
911
00:44:59,050 --> 00:45:00,800
He had dreams, you know.
912
00:45:00,800 --> 00:45:02,050
Wanted to be a filmmaker.
913
00:45:03,528 --> 00:45:04,580
- He did?
914
00:45:04,580 --> 00:45:05,680
- Yeah. - Rod?
915
00:45:05,680 --> 00:45:06,513
- Yeah.
916
00:45:07,947 --> 00:45:09,470
He spent five years making a documentary
917
00:45:09,470 --> 00:45:11,670
about ghetto youth in the area,
918
00:45:11,670 --> 00:45:13,764
thought it would win him a Pulitzer.
919
00:45:13,764 --> 00:45:14,680
He had big plans.
920
00:45:14,680 --> 00:45:16,800
- Well then, what happened?
921
00:45:16,800 --> 00:45:19,720
- He lost his NEA funding, and couldn't complete the film.
922
00:45:19,720 --> 00:45:23,040
He had to sell all the footage just to make ends meet.
923
00:45:23,040 --> 00:45:24,430
It all went to some Korean company
924
00:45:24,430 --> 00:45:27,690
that makes crappy videos for karaoke songs.
925
00:45:27,690 --> 00:45:31,870
- Oh, that's why those videos never make any sense.
926
00:45:31,870 --> 00:45:35,400
Wait, I host a karaoke night on Tuesdays.
927
00:45:35,400 --> 00:45:38,740
Could it be?
928
00:45:38,740 --> 00:45:41,230
Is there a video for Angel of the Morning,
929
00:45:41,230 --> 00:45:43,830
where a guy with a mohawk is flipping off the camera?
930
00:45:43,830 --> 00:45:45,230
- That does sound like it.
931
00:45:45,230 --> 00:45:46,063
- Wow.
932
00:45:50,310 --> 00:45:53,823
Are you in love with him?
933
00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:56,300
- Of course not.
934
00:45:56,300 --> 00:45:57,630
Of course not.
935
00:45:57,630 --> 00:45:58,990
We have been dating for six months,
936
00:45:58,990 --> 00:46:00,307
and he hasn't even kissed me yet,
937
00:46:00,307 --> 00:46:01,957
because he's a perfect gentleman.
938
00:46:07,370 --> 00:46:09,030
- No, no, no.
939
00:46:09,030 --> 00:46:11,280
Hands on head, pledges.
940
00:46:11,280 --> 00:46:13,840
That's 20 whacks with the paddle when we get back.
941
00:46:13,840 --> 00:46:16,420
All right boys, we will be taking a brisk tour
942
00:46:16,420 --> 00:46:18,180
of our fair campus.
943
00:46:18,180 --> 00:46:20,870
In our travels we shall visit the library,
944
00:46:20,870 --> 00:46:23,340
the cafeteria, best of all,
945
00:46:23,340 --> 00:46:25,810
the girls' field hockey practice, now again,,
946
00:46:25,810 --> 00:46:26,643
brother Brock.
947
00:46:27,624 --> 00:46:29,544
- I don't know but I've been told.
948
00:46:29,544 --> 00:46:30,377
- I don't know but I've been told.
949
00:46:31,900 --> 00:46:34,067
(muffled)
950
00:46:35,820 --> 00:46:37,845
- If you look between your thighs
951
00:46:37,845 --> 00:46:40,267
- If you look between your thighs
952
00:46:40,267 --> 00:46:42,150
- You can judge them by the size.
953
00:46:42,150 --> 00:46:43,670
- You can judge them by the size.
954
00:46:43,670 --> 00:46:44,761
- Pledge,
955
00:46:44,761 --> 00:46:46,480
you having an internal compass problem here?
956
00:46:46,480 --> 00:46:48,650
That tip is your north star, now you follow it
957
00:46:48,650 --> 00:46:50,463
with the other fuckers.
958
00:46:52,132 --> 00:46:53,160
These are lasting memories that will
959
00:46:53,160 --> 00:46:54,538
be with you the rest of your life,
960
00:46:54,538 --> 00:46:56,621
now start acting like it.
961
00:47:00,457 --> 00:47:01,560
- The diamonds.
962
00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:02,833
- And the tickets.
963
00:47:14,010 --> 00:47:14,980
- Nothing. - Nothing.
964
00:47:14,980 --> 00:47:17,030
What the fuck?
965
00:47:17,030 --> 00:47:19,410
- Nothing, damn it.
966
00:47:19,410 --> 00:47:21,430
This is where Chuck said it would be.
967
00:47:21,430 --> 00:47:23,433
Wait a minute, where's Chuck?
968
00:47:30,140 --> 00:47:31,110
- Chuck?
969
00:47:31,110 --> 00:47:32,173
What happened?
970
00:47:33,040 --> 00:47:34,320
- It was Beverly.
971
00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:37,380
Somehow she got it out of me, all our plans.
972
00:47:37,380 --> 00:47:40,320
And then, after we had sex nine times, I fell asleep.
973
00:47:40,320 --> 00:47:42,180
When I woke up I was tied up like this.
974
00:47:42,180 --> 00:47:43,940
I've been here all night.
975
00:47:43,940 --> 00:47:44,773
- Wait a minute.
976
00:47:47,550 --> 00:47:49,200
The car's gone.
977
00:47:49,200 --> 00:47:50,033
Damn it.
978
00:47:50,033 --> 00:47:51,687
- She took Tulula?
979
00:47:51,687 --> 00:47:52,810
- She took the keys,
980
00:47:52,810 --> 00:47:54,020
she took the tickets,
981
00:47:54,020 --> 00:47:55,640
she took the diamonds,
982
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:57,350
she took everything.
983
00:47:57,350 --> 00:47:58,290
- Women.
984
00:47:58,290 --> 00:47:59,440
Am I right?
985
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:01,530
This guy knows what I'm talking about.
986
00:48:01,530 --> 00:48:04,260
- Could you finish untying me please?
987
00:48:04,260 --> 00:48:06,860
- I don't even know if I should, Chuck.
988
00:48:06,860 --> 00:48:08,430
I'm ashamed of you,
989
00:48:08,430 --> 00:48:11,080
being taken in by that common trash.
990
00:48:11,080 --> 00:48:11,930
I knew you were straight,
991
00:48:11,930 --> 00:48:14,330
but I thought you had better taste.
992
00:48:14,330 --> 00:48:17,040
- The wang wants what it wants.
993
00:48:17,040 --> 00:48:19,541
I could never resist a fraternity slut.
994
00:48:19,541 --> 00:48:20,850
(siren approaching)
995
00:48:20,850 --> 00:48:22,853
- Shit, copper cops.
996
00:48:23,986 --> 00:48:27,819
(fast-paced electronic music)
997
00:48:35,630 --> 00:48:37,083
- Shit, what do we do now?
998
00:48:39,499 --> 00:48:40,820
- Okay, you fruits.
999
00:48:40,820 --> 00:48:41,860
We know you're in there.
1000
00:48:41,860 --> 00:48:44,720
Come on out with your hands up, and no one gets hurt.
1001
00:48:45,630 --> 00:48:48,421
- Chuck, Chuck, it's me, I know you're better than this.
1002
00:48:48,421 --> 00:48:49,810
I love you Chuck, I love you!
1003
00:48:49,810 --> 00:48:50,710
- Give that to me.
1004
00:48:51,650 --> 00:48:54,147
- Can't believe Pinata's helping them.
1005
00:48:54,147 --> 00:48:55,300
- I don't know if she's helping them,
1006
00:48:55,300 --> 00:48:58,200
so much as trying to get into Chuck's pants again.
1007
00:48:58,200 --> 00:49:00,090
- Can I help it if I'm a chick magnet.
1008
00:49:00,090 --> 00:49:01,210
- Chick with a dick magnet.
1009
00:49:01,210 --> 00:49:03,990
- Chicks with dicks and geese (muffled).
1010
00:49:03,990 --> 00:49:05,230
- I'd think you were happy I was going
1011
00:49:05,230 --> 00:49:07,360
up the down escalator once in a while.
1012
00:49:07,360 --> 00:49:09,070
I mean God bless her.
1013
00:49:09,070 --> 00:49:11,945
- It must take her hours to get ready in the morning.
1014
00:49:11,945 --> 00:49:13,470
- I just wouldn't have the patience.
1015
00:49:13,470 --> 00:49:15,467
- You know I often find that women who aren't real women,
1016
00:49:15,467 --> 00:49:19,030
will be more like women than women who are real women.
1017
00:49:19,030 --> 00:49:20,840
- Who's to say what's real, anyways?
1018
00:49:20,840 --> 00:49:23,860
In a sense everything that we see and hear is real,
1019
00:49:23,860 --> 00:49:25,500
so a real woman is real,
1020
00:49:25,500 --> 00:49:27,400
no matter the reality of the realness.
1021
00:49:29,120 --> 00:49:30,360
- You know I think it was Gertrude Stein that said that.
1022
00:49:30,360 --> 00:49:33,310
- [Joann] Faggots, surrender before we come in after you.
1023
00:49:33,310 --> 00:49:34,940
- What do we do now?
1024
00:49:34,940 --> 00:49:37,580
- Beats me, I've never been in a Mexican standoff before.
1025
00:49:37,580 --> 00:49:39,180
- Why does it gotta be Mexican?
1026
00:49:39,180 --> 00:49:40,550
That's racist.
1027
00:49:40,550 --> 00:49:42,490
- You always say things are racist.
1028
00:49:42,490 --> 00:49:43,600
Like that Chinese gift swap
1029
00:49:43,600 --> 00:49:45,410
that Danny organized at the club last Christmas?
1030
00:49:45,410 --> 00:49:47,470
- That was racist, what does that even mean?
1031
00:49:47,470 --> 00:49:49,240
- Guys, cops.
1032
00:49:49,240 --> 00:49:50,840
About to storm the frat house, remember?
1033
00:49:50,840 --> 00:49:52,103
- Right, yes.
1034
00:49:53,085 --> 00:49:54,270
Thoughts?
1035
00:49:54,270 --> 00:49:56,260
- We need to get out of here without getting nicked.
1036
00:49:56,260 --> 00:49:57,620
We need a diversion.
1037
00:49:57,620 --> 00:49:58,453
- Like what?
1038
00:49:59,573 --> 00:50:00,580
We have to throw something at them.
1039
00:50:00,580 --> 00:50:01,413
That completely pulls their focus,
1040
00:50:01,413 --> 00:50:03,360
so that we can get away.
1041
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:04,210
- I have an idea.
1042
00:50:05,390 --> 00:50:06,223
- Go on.
1043
00:50:08,116 --> 00:50:08,949
- Twinks.
1044
00:50:11,093 --> 00:50:14,926
(fast-paced electronic music)
1045
00:50:44,191 --> 00:50:46,905
(Rod crying)
1046
00:50:46,905 --> 00:50:50,322
(marching drums playing)
1047
00:51:06,360 --> 00:51:08,540
- As great as it is to watch you go for gold
1048
00:51:08,540 --> 00:51:11,500
in the naked tongue Olympics, we've got new plans for you.
1049
00:51:11,500 --> 00:51:12,600
- Sir, yes sir.
1050
00:51:12,600 --> 00:51:14,370
- There's a police barricade outside.
1051
00:51:14,370 --> 00:51:16,670
We need you two to run out there like mad men,
1052
00:51:18,030 --> 00:51:19,970
firing this off at your leisure.
1053
00:51:19,970 --> 00:51:20,980
- Sir?
1054
00:51:20,980 --> 00:51:23,380
- Look, we're not actually asking you to shoot anybody.
1055
00:51:23,380 --> 00:51:24,430
- Unless you want to.
1056
00:51:25,420 --> 00:51:26,450
I mean it's probably better
1057
00:51:26,450 --> 00:51:27,840
for everyone if you don't, though.
1058
00:51:27,840 --> 00:51:29,089
- Right.
1059
00:51:29,089 --> 00:51:31,160
We just need you to go outside,
1060
00:51:31,160 --> 00:51:32,370
shoot this off into the air,
1061
00:51:32,370 --> 00:51:35,230
cause a distraction.
1062
00:51:35,230 --> 00:51:37,440
- But, if we do that, won't we get shot?
1063
00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:38,663
- Another distraction.
1064
00:51:40,930 --> 00:51:43,760
Look, it'll be real easy, okay?
1065
00:51:43,760 --> 00:51:45,410
We give you the cue, you run outside,
1066
00:51:45,410 --> 00:51:47,270
guns blazing, dicks flapping.
1067
00:51:47,270 --> 00:51:49,560
- Wait, you want us to do this naked, sir?
1068
00:51:49,560 --> 00:51:51,490
- Could be really awesome.
1069
00:51:51,490 --> 00:51:53,310
No better test of manhood.
1070
00:51:53,310 --> 00:51:56,740
You two will be the envy of the entire frat.
1071
00:51:56,740 --> 00:51:59,630
- Sir, I'm not sure that's a very good idea.
1072
00:51:59,630 --> 00:52:01,340
I mean, we're just--
1073
00:52:01,340 --> 00:52:03,530
- Pledges don't talk back.
1074
00:52:03,530 --> 00:52:04,920
- Sir, yes sir.
1075
00:52:04,920 --> 00:52:07,150
- There's nothing to be afraid of boys,
1076
00:52:07,150 --> 00:52:09,450
this will be your moment of glory.
1077
00:52:09,450 --> 00:52:12,253
You'll be American icons, like Butch and Sundance.
1078
00:52:13,190 --> 00:52:14,023
- Who?
1079
00:52:17,310 --> 00:52:19,740
- Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid.
1080
00:52:19,740 --> 00:52:20,573
There was a movie?
1081
00:52:20,573 --> 00:52:22,480
- Yeah, in the 70's.
1082
00:52:22,480 --> 00:52:24,000
- I never saw it sir.
1083
00:52:24,000 --> 00:52:26,533
- I saw it, my father was a fan, sir.
1084
00:52:27,560 --> 00:52:29,530
- Good pledge, I like you.
1085
00:52:29,530 --> 00:52:32,130
- But, Butch Cassidy and Sundance,
1086
00:52:32,130 --> 00:52:34,920
at the end of the film, they died sir.
1087
00:52:34,920 --> 00:52:35,753
- Spoilers!
1088
00:52:35,753 --> 00:52:37,900
- That's not the point, we're gonna get shot.
1089
00:52:37,900 --> 00:52:39,173
- Kids these days.
1090
00:52:40,030 --> 00:52:42,283
I remember when I was your age,
1091
00:52:43,210 --> 00:52:45,660
when a macho older man asked you to do something
1092
00:52:45,660 --> 00:52:46,493
you weren't sure about,
1093
00:52:46,493 --> 00:52:49,330
you just held your breath and you went for it.
1094
00:52:49,330 --> 00:52:52,350
- That's the problem with these fuckin' millennials.
1095
00:52:52,350 --> 00:52:55,210
Nobody's ready to get a rage hard on anymore.
1096
00:52:55,210 --> 00:52:56,620
- It's all blah blah blah,
1097
00:52:56,620 --> 00:52:59,053
I don't want to have butt sex with anyone I don't know.
1098
00:52:59,053 --> 00:53:00,480
- Waa waa, I don't want to have sex
1099
00:53:00,480 --> 00:53:02,800
at a donkey show in Mexico.
1100
00:53:02,800 --> 00:53:05,650
- Babe, what's it with you and Mexico today?
1101
00:53:05,650 --> 00:53:06,550
- I'm just saying.
1102
00:53:07,470 --> 00:53:09,870
- You guys are a real mess, you know that?
1103
00:53:09,870 --> 00:53:13,088
- You should see us at hot buffet night at The Eagle.
1104
00:53:13,088 --> 00:53:13,921
- The Eagle.
1105
00:53:13,921 --> 00:53:15,243
- Take the gun, pledge.
1106
00:53:18,940 --> 00:53:20,990
- I'm sorry, I don't think I can do this.
1107
00:53:22,280 --> 00:53:24,320
- You need to gather a little courage,
1108
00:53:24,320 --> 00:53:25,153
a little spunk.
1109
00:53:28,430 --> 00:53:29,343
I believe in you.
1110
00:53:34,310 --> 00:53:36,660
Jesus these kids are too timid.
1111
00:53:36,660 --> 00:53:37,990
Don't we have any drugs for them or something
1112
00:53:37,990 --> 00:53:38,990
to amp the heart up?
1113
00:53:38,990 --> 00:53:40,910
This is a frat house after all, right?
1114
00:53:40,910 --> 00:53:42,630
Some coke to get the heart going?
1115
00:53:42,630 --> 00:53:45,970
- Um, there might be some amyl nitrate in the basement.
1116
00:53:45,970 --> 00:53:47,250
- Amyl nitrate?
1117
00:53:47,250 --> 00:53:48,550
You mean poppers?
1118
00:53:48,550 --> 00:53:50,150
I thought you said nothing about this place was gay?
1119
00:53:50,150 --> 00:53:51,480
- It's not.
1120
00:53:51,480 --> 00:53:53,443
They use it clean the VCR.
1121
00:53:54,530 --> 00:53:56,610
- You still have a VCR?
1122
00:53:56,610 --> 00:53:57,690
- Is that where you watch
1123
00:53:57,690 --> 00:53:59,620
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Twinks?
1124
00:53:59,620 --> 00:54:02,293
- Hey, fuck you both, it's a classic.
1125
00:54:03,210 --> 00:54:05,163
- Okay now you,
1126
00:54:06,070 --> 00:54:07,860
your little buddy here is scared.
1127
00:54:07,860 --> 00:54:10,290
Now, I want you to take this gun,
1128
00:54:10,290 --> 00:54:11,500
don't shoot it.
1129
00:54:11,500 --> 00:54:12,860
Point it up in the air.
1130
00:54:12,860 --> 00:54:15,740
I just want you to run around here shouting.
1131
00:54:15,740 --> 00:54:17,420
Show me what you can do.
1132
00:54:17,420 --> 00:54:18,513
- Sir, yes sir.
1133
00:54:22,491 --> 00:54:23,824
Yabba dabba doo!
1134
00:54:29,360 --> 00:54:31,293
- Good, now give me the gun.
1135
00:54:34,180 --> 00:54:35,829
- Sir, do I have to?
1136
00:54:35,829 --> 00:54:37,412
- Yes, you have to.
1137
00:54:39,060 --> 00:54:40,260
You'll be great.
1138
00:54:40,260 --> 00:54:41,860
You're gonna take this gun, kid.
1139
00:54:46,270 --> 00:54:47,243
You got this.
1140
00:54:49,210 --> 00:54:50,260
- I can.
1141
00:54:50,260 --> 00:54:51,093
I will.
1142
00:54:52,218 --> 00:54:54,940
(gun discharging) (pledges screaming)
1143
00:54:54,940 --> 00:54:56,360
- Was that a gun shot?
1144
00:54:56,360 --> 00:54:58,010
- No, that was me.
1145
00:54:58,010 --> 00:54:59,510
I had Burrito Box for lunch.
1146
00:54:59,510 --> 00:55:01,740
- Yeah, I noticed.
1147
00:55:01,740 --> 00:55:04,330
But those gay boys still have their weapons.
1148
00:55:04,330 --> 00:55:07,140
And in case they are planning some kind of Mexican standoff,
1149
00:55:07,140 --> 00:55:09,530
we had better be ready.
1150
00:55:09,530 --> 00:55:11,270
- Why's it gotta be Mexican?
1151
00:55:11,270 --> 00:55:13,103
- I just love Burrito Box.
1152
00:55:14,460 --> 00:55:15,335
- I'm sorry sir.
1153
00:55:15,335 --> 00:55:16,760
I'm sorry sir.
1154
00:55:16,760 --> 00:55:17,610
It was a mistake.
1155
00:55:18,470 --> 00:55:20,050
- This was a stupid idea anyway.
1156
00:55:20,050 --> 00:55:22,573
- No one likes a dude who's premature, kid.
1157
00:55:24,470 --> 00:55:27,270
Oh and, go back to kissing,
1158
00:55:27,270 --> 00:55:28,920
both of you.
1159
00:55:28,920 --> 00:55:30,400
And this time rub your dicks together,
1160
00:55:30,400 --> 00:55:31,750
see if you can start a fire.
1161
00:55:31,750 --> 00:55:32,893
- Yes sir.
1162
00:55:43,870 --> 00:55:45,053
- Okay, they're gone.
1163
00:55:52,210 --> 00:55:53,940
- That was a huge waste of time.
1164
00:55:53,940 --> 00:55:55,010
- I should have known better.
1165
00:55:55,010 --> 00:55:56,930
Never send a bottom when you need a top.
1166
00:55:56,930 --> 00:55:57,820
- Hey.
1167
00:55:57,820 --> 00:55:58,970
- That doesn't apply to you, stud.
1168
00:55:58,970 --> 00:56:00,120
- Damn right it doesn't.
1169
00:56:00,120 --> 00:56:02,173
- I should have said never send a boy when you need a man.
1170
00:56:02,173 --> 00:56:03,006
- I need a man.
1171
00:56:03,940 --> 00:56:05,940
- Any men in here have any bright ideas?
1172
00:56:07,160 --> 00:56:08,300
- Pinata's out there with the cops.
1173
00:56:08,300 --> 00:56:09,270
She can't be working with them.
1174
00:56:09,270 --> 00:56:10,980
Can we use that to our advantage somehow?
1175
00:56:10,980 --> 00:56:12,720
- Maybe we can have her make a distraction for us.
1176
00:56:12,720 --> 00:56:14,470
Maybe we can get a message to her somehow?
1177
00:56:14,470 --> 00:56:16,513
- I could text her, I've got her number on my cell.
1178
00:56:16,513 --> 00:56:18,970
In case I ever needed a booty call.
1179
00:56:18,970 --> 00:56:20,610
- Who knew that all it took took to get you in bed
1180
00:56:20,610 --> 00:56:22,690
was a cheap dress and a wig.
1181
00:56:22,690 --> 00:56:24,510
- I just wouldn't have the patience.
1182
00:56:24,510 --> 00:56:26,180
- My cell phone's in my pants in the other room.
1183
00:56:26,180 --> 00:56:27,430
- Perfect, let's do this.
1184
00:56:30,490 --> 00:56:31,323
- Hi there.
1185
00:56:32,700 --> 00:56:33,780
- Hi.
1186
00:56:33,780 --> 00:56:35,170
- You must be Rod.
1187
00:56:35,170 --> 00:56:37,610
Darling, I'm a huge fan of your work.
1188
00:56:37,610 --> 00:56:38,523
- Thank you?
1189
00:56:39,761 --> 00:56:40,594
- Denada.
1190
00:56:42,640 --> 00:56:43,473
Pinata.
1191
00:56:44,850 --> 00:56:47,783
- Oh, sorry I don't speak Spanish.
1192
00:56:48,900 --> 00:56:49,893
- Que las tima.
1193
00:56:52,997 --> 00:56:56,497
(cell phone notification)
1194
00:57:06,700 --> 00:57:07,533
Bye.
1195
00:57:09,710 --> 00:57:13,230
- Sure thing stud, I'll do it for 15 dick pics.
1196
00:57:13,230 --> 00:57:14,280
- She's a thirsty girl.
1197
00:57:14,280 --> 00:57:15,750
- We don't have time for this.
1198
00:57:15,750 --> 00:57:16,820
- Right now?
1199
00:57:16,820 --> 00:57:19,003
Kind of in a rush.
1200
00:57:20,550 --> 00:57:24,270
- Okay then, five now, the next 10 at your leisure.
1201
00:57:24,270 --> 00:57:25,960
- Jesus Christ, just give her what she wants.
1202
00:57:25,960 --> 00:57:27,010
- What, just whip it out?
1203
00:57:27,010 --> 00:57:28,360
- You've never taken a dick pic before?
1204
00:57:28,360 --> 00:57:30,820
- No, I usually rely on my pecs to seal the deal.
1205
00:57:30,820 --> 00:57:31,820
It's an in-person thing,
1206
00:57:31,820 --> 00:57:33,753
sexting is so cold and distant.
1207
00:57:35,940 --> 00:57:36,773
- What are you doing?
1208
00:57:36,773 --> 00:57:37,710
No, that's a bad angle.
1209
00:57:37,710 --> 00:57:38,580
- And the lighting is terrible
1210
00:57:38,580 --> 00:57:40,100
if you just shoot into your pants like that.
1211
00:57:40,100 --> 00:57:41,040
- Well excuse me,
1212
00:57:41,040 --> 00:57:42,750
I'm not a professional cock photographer.
1213
00:57:42,750 --> 00:57:44,790
- A cock-tographer.
1214
00:57:44,790 --> 00:57:45,877
- Just give me the phone.
1215
00:57:45,877 --> 00:57:47,750
I dabbled in photography,
1216
00:57:47,750 --> 00:57:49,610
a little bit when I was in college.
1217
00:57:49,610 --> 00:57:51,380
Matt, get the lights.
1218
00:57:51,380 --> 00:57:53,763
Chuck, drop those pants.
1219
00:57:55,820 --> 00:57:58,000
- Give me an angry tiger.
1220
00:57:58,000 --> 00:57:59,290
- Give it me baby.
1221
00:57:59,290 --> 00:58:00,140
Give it to me baby,
1222
00:58:00,140 --> 00:58:01,825
yeah the camera loves you.
1223
00:58:01,825 --> 00:58:03,903
- Give a little love to the right one too.
1224
00:58:04,800 --> 00:58:07,000
- Holy shit, we're gonna need a bigger lens.
1225
00:58:19,673 --> 00:58:21,400
(sighing)
1226
00:58:21,400 --> 00:58:23,593
- Sometimes there's cock,
1227
00:58:24,610 --> 00:58:26,273
so quickly.
1228
00:58:27,220 --> 00:58:30,180
God speed you gorgeous queer boys.
1229
00:58:39,049 --> 00:58:41,966
(upbeat pop music)
1230
00:58:45,811 --> 00:58:48,728
♪ Get up and dance ♪
1231
00:59:00,313 --> 00:59:03,230
♪ Get up and dance ♪
1232
00:59:15,079 --> 00:59:17,996
♪ Get up and dance ♪
1233
00:59:30,020 --> 00:59:31,433
- That's it.
1234
00:59:31,433 --> 00:59:32,950
We can just leave right now.
1235
00:59:32,950 --> 00:59:34,330
If we get naked we can go blend in
1236
00:59:34,330 --> 00:59:35,280
with the other naked pledges,
1237
00:59:35,280 --> 00:59:36,710
and the cops won't know who is who.
1238
00:59:36,710 --> 00:59:37,970
- But then how would we get our clothes
1239
00:59:37,970 --> 00:59:39,123
to go find Beverly?
1240
00:59:40,340 --> 00:59:42,380
- We can just throw our clothes out the back window.
1241
00:59:42,380 --> 00:59:43,780
Let's sneak out another way.
1242
00:59:46,130 --> 00:59:47,247
We've got this.
1243
00:59:47,247 --> 00:59:51,390
- I am the law mister, and the law is not mocked.
1244
00:59:51,390 --> 00:59:53,690
- Actually, through a university loophole,
1245
00:59:53,690 --> 00:59:56,210
only campus law extends to this frat house,
1246
00:59:56,210 --> 01:00:00,459
and we are free to do whatever we like on this property.
1247
01:00:00,459 --> 01:00:02,188
- I'm hunting down a fugitive,
1248
01:00:02,188 --> 01:00:04,783
and you are obstructing a police investigation.
1249
01:00:04,783 --> 01:00:07,754
- I am a fraternity brother, and I will not be mocked.
1250
01:00:07,754 --> 01:00:10,671
1251
01:00:14,181 --> 01:00:17,820
♪ Get up and dance ♪
1252
01:00:17,820 --> 01:00:19,983
- Hey, those guys shouldn't be naked.
1253
01:00:29,071 --> 01:00:31,988
♪ Get up and dance ♪
1254
01:00:35,470 --> 01:00:36,780
- My car!
1255
01:00:36,780 --> 01:00:38,400
- So where are we going?
1256
01:00:38,400 --> 01:00:39,570
- Gotta track down Beverly.
1257
01:00:39,570 --> 01:00:40,890
- Who's Beverly?
1258
01:00:40,890 --> 01:00:42,010
- My ex.
1259
01:00:42,010 --> 01:00:43,150
- Where is she, that harlot?
1260
01:00:43,150 --> 01:00:43,983
- We don't know.
1261
01:00:45,669 --> 01:00:47,330
- But I have a good guess.
1262
01:00:47,330 --> 01:00:48,830
If I know Beverly,
1263
01:00:48,830 --> 01:00:50,880
she got herself a pumpkin spice latte
1264
01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:53,350
and went to get her nails done, and a facial.
1265
01:00:53,350 --> 01:00:55,070
- She better not be spending my fucking diamonds
1266
01:00:55,070 --> 01:00:56,260
on a face scrub.
1267
01:00:56,260 --> 01:00:57,960
- Oh, she sounds terrible.
1268
01:00:57,960 --> 01:00:59,170
- She is.
1269
01:00:59,170 --> 01:01:00,670
- Then why are we going to see her?
1270
01:01:00,670 --> 01:01:02,690
- She stole our diamonds, she stole our plane tickets,
1271
01:01:02,690 --> 01:01:03,523
and we're gonna get them back,
1272
01:01:03,523 --> 01:01:04,783
and then we're going to Hawaii.
1273
01:01:05,940 --> 01:01:07,210
- There's only one place in town
1274
01:01:07,210 --> 01:01:09,950
Beverly could be this time of day.
1275
01:01:09,950 --> 01:01:11,063
Wonder Spa.
1276
01:01:34,340 --> 01:01:35,680
- Hello gentlemen.
1277
01:01:35,680 --> 01:01:36,890
Welcome to Wonder Spa,
1278
01:01:36,890 --> 01:01:39,120
where every woman is a queen.
1279
01:01:39,120 --> 01:01:40,790
How can I help you?
1280
01:01:40,790 --> 01:01:43,250
- Yes, we're looking for our friend.
1281
01:01:43,250 --> 01:01:44,140
We want to see her,
1282
01:01:44,140 --> 01:01:46,203
her name is Beverly.
1283
01:01:47,400 --> 01:01:50,470
- I'm sorry sir, but gentlemen are not allowed
1284
01:01:50,470 --> 01:01:51,680
inside Wonder Spa.
1285
01:01:51,680 --> 01:01:54,520
It's a female-only environment.
1286
01:01:54,520 --> 01:01:55,353
- It's cool.
1287
01:01:56,420 --> 01:01:58,090
We ain't gentlemen.
1288
01:01:58,090 --> 01:02:00,310
- That just may be, but I should have said
1289
01:02:00,310 --> 01:02:02,630
that there are no men of any kind
1290
01:02:02,630 --> 01:02:04,450
allowed to enter the Wonder Spa.
1291
01:02:04,450 --> 01:02:05,293
- Ma'am,
1292
01:02:06,840 --> 01:02:08,350
we're gay.
1293
01:02:08,350 --> 01:02:09,233
- I'm not.
1294
01:02:10,250 --> 01:02:11,113
- Not the point.
1295
01:02:12,050 --> 01:02:13,550
- I'm sorry.
1296
01:02:13,550 --> 01:02:16,560
You're men, gay, gentle,
1297
01:02:16,560 --> 01:02:18,293
whatever, you're men.
1298
01:02:19,490 --> 01:02:21,240
- We don't have time for this shit.
1299
01:02:24,561 --> 01:02:26,061
- Hold on, Sparky.
1300
01:02:27,960 --> 01:02:29,000
Hello Miss.
1301
01:02:29,000 --> 01:02:31,740
I'm sure this is all a misunderstanding.
1302
01:02:31,740 --> 01:02:34,740
We are so sorry to bother you.
1303
01:02:34,740 --> 01:02:36,420
You see, what had happened was,
1304
01:02:36,420 --> 01:02:38,900
Miss Beverly texted me and she wanted me
1305
01:02:38,900 --> 01:02:39,750
to bring her some
1306
01:02:43,249 --> 01:02:44,082
tampons.
1307
01:02:46,120 --> 01:02:47,520
It is her time of the month,
1308
01:02:47,520 --> 01:02:50,580
and she's leakin' like a ripe peach.
1309
01:02:50,580 --> 01:02:52,320
I have them here in my purse.
1310
01:02:52,320 --> 01:02:53,690
I'd like to deliver them.
1311
01:02:53,690 --> 01:02:56,030
- Well why didn't you say so in the first place?
1312
01:02:56,030 --> 01:02:58,200
You can come with me Miss.
1313
01:02:58,200 --> 01:03:00,233
Boys, you stay here.
1314
01:03:21,621 --> 01:03:23,038
- He he he he he.
1315
01:03:33,820 --> 01:03:34,770
- [Pinata] Beverly?
1316
01:03:35,709 --> 01:03:37,292
- Yes, who are you?
1317
01:03:40,930 --> 01:03:43,163
- Your most flawless nightmare.
1318
01:03:52,090 --> 01:03:53,150
- Okay.
1319
01:03:53,150 --> 01:03:55,430
- Nobody messes with my boy Chuck, Beverly.
1320
01:03:55,430 --> 01:03:57,560
You need to know that.
1321
01:04:05,154 --> 01:04:05,987
- Who are you?
1322
01:04:05,987 --> 01:04:07,580
- That's not important Beverly.
1323
01:04:07,580 --> 01:04:08,960
Where are the diamonds?
1324
01:04:08,960 --> 01:04:09,793
- What?
1325
01:04:18,457 --> 01:04:19,837
- The diamonds, Beverly.
1326
01:04:19,837 --> 01:04:21,504
- Holy fucking shit!
1327
01:04:22,346 --> 01:04:24,759
They're right there in my purse.
1328
01:04:24,759 --> 01:04:25,592
Just stop.
1329
01:04:33,770 --> 01:04:35,250
- Cut it out.
1330
01:04:35,250 --> 01:04:37,850
If you tease 'em like that, they'll follow you home.
1331
01:04:44,950 --> 01:04:47,363
- Insert witty one-liner here.
1332
01:04:51,660 --> 01:04:52,850
I've got 'em boys.
1333
01:04:52,850 --> 01:04:53,840
Let's jam.
1334
01:04:53,840 --> 01:04:55,030
- You did it?
1335
01:04:55,030 --> 01:04:58,273
- Always send a drag queen to do a man's job.
1336
01:05:00,000 --> 01:05:01,490
- Ah Pinata.
1337
01:05:01,490 --> 01:05:02,550
You're amazing.
1338
01:05:02,550 --> 01:05:04,713
- No, you.
1339
01:05:08,330 --> 01:05:09,163
- Hawaii.
1340
01:05:13,460 --> 01:05:15,293
- Time to surrender rump rangers.
1341
01:05:18,340 --> 01:05:21,290
- No guns allowed in Wonder Spa,
1342
01:05:21,290 --> 01:05:22,740
where every woman is a queen.
1343
01:05:28,900 --> 01:05:32,164
- Give up, or I will waste this hostage.
1344
01:05:32,164 --> 01:05:32,997
- What?
1345
01:05:32,997 --> 01:05:33,830
- She'll do it.
1346
01:05:33,830 --> 01:05:34,880
She's crazy.
1347
01:05:34,880 --> 01:05:39,100
- Please do not threaten the clientele of Wonder Spa,
1348
01:05:39,100 --> 01:05:40,673
where every woman is a queen.
1349
01:05:45,709 --> 01:05:47,733
(screaming)
1350
01:05:47,733 --> 01:05:49,365
- God damn it.
1351
01:05:49,365 --> 01:05:50,880
(guns firing)
1352
01:05:50,880 --> 01:05:55,200
- There is no discharging of any weapons of any caliber
1353
01:05:55,200 --> 01:05:59,166
at Wonder Spa, where every woman is a queen.
1354
01:05:59,166 --> 01:06:02,166
(heavy metal music)
1355
01:07:14,540 --> 01:07:17,323
- She bitch, I do not want to hurt you.
1356
01:07:18,280 --> 01:07:19,113
- But I do.
1357
01:07:22,358 --> 01:07:23,191
Ow.
1358
01:07:26,020 --> 01:07:29,313
- Prepare the hot wax, it's Brazilian time.
1359
01:07:44,690 --> 01:07:45,940
- Are you coming with us?
1360
01:07:54,560 --> 01:07:55,703
- I guess you will be.
1361
01:08:03,990 --> 01:08:05,260
- Hello?
1362
01:08:05,260 --> 01:08:06,790
This is Vargas.
1363
01:08:06,790 --> 01:08:08,400
I need to put out an APB
1364
01:08:08,400 --> 01:08:10,680
on some perps who've blown the scene,
1365
01:08:10,680 --> 01:08:12,253
and possibly each other.
1366
01:08:13,280 --> 01:08:16,360
Right yes, according to the officers on the scene,
1367
01:08:16,360 --> 01:08:19,590
it's a couple of go-go dancers with assless chaps,
1368
01:08:19,590 --> 01:08:21,960
and a wanton whore of the evening,
1369
01:08:21,960 --> 01:08:23,700
with lips for days.
1370
01:08:23,700 --> 01:08:25,480
You know what they say, right?
1371
01:08:25,480 --> 01:08:28,380
Luscious lips sink ships.
1372
01:08:28,380 --> 01:08:29,670
They do say that.
1373
01:08:29,670 --> 01:08:31,460
And from what I understand,
1374
01:08:31,460 --> 01:08:34,360
everybody on the scene was going down on each other,
1375
01:08:34,360 --> 01:08:36,130
like a god damn Titanic.
1376
01:08:36,130 --> 01:08:39,470
I'm talking bullets and blowjobs everywhere man.
1377
01:08:39,470 --> 01:08:41,743
We need these criminals found.
1378
01:08:43,790 --> 01:08:46,050
What do you mean, where was I?
1379
01:08:46,050 --> 01:08:48,170
I was in the god damn bathroom.
1380
01:08:48,170 --> 01:08:50,560
You ever use the bathroom?
1381
01:08:50,560 --> 01:08:54,320
You try living on a diet of stale donuts,
1382
01:08:54,320 --> 01:08:56,093
and bargain basement black coffee.
1383
01:08:57,162 --> 01:08:59,280
But that's life in the precinct,
1384
01:08:59,280 --> 01:09:01,940
life on the beat.
1385
01:09:01,940 --> 01:09:04,110
Do you know who you're talking to?
1386
01:09:04,110 --> 01:09:07,750
I have seen some shit man, some shit.
1387
01:09:07,750 --> 01:09:08,870
You know what?
1388
01:09:08,870 --> 01:09:10,990
I don't have to listen to this from you.
1389
01:09:10,990 --> 01:09:13,310
You go get those jockstrap motherfuckers,
1390
01:09:13,310 --> 01:09:14,560
and stop wasting my time.
1391
01:09:17,402 --> 01:09:19,898
Cut to the god damn credits.
1392
01:09:19,898 --> 01:09:22,898
(upbeat jazz music)
1393
01:12:17,528 --> 01:12:20,445
(faint rock music)
1394
01:12:39,870 --> 01:12:40,703
- Hi.
1395
01:12:41,960 --> 01:12:42,793
- Hi.
1396
01:12:45,280 --> 01:12:46,533
- I think I love you.
1397
01:12:51,874 --> 01:12:52,707
- I know.
96237
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