All language subtitles for Going.Under.2004.480p.BluRay.x264-mSD.eng.HI

( music playing )

Man:
All of my past washes over me.

Woman:
All of my past is in this room.

Man:
l found you.

All of the women l have been with
are eclipsed by you.

l am stripped.

Woman:
l think of you as my patient.

l treat you.

l'm stripped also.

Man:
l searched and searched for you.

l want to know you.

Woman:
l, like my work,

there are rules.

They protect us.

Man:
The movement of your hands.

The rhythm of your hands
has become my resting place.

Momentary peace...

so sweetly broken apart.

Woman:
Take off the mask.

You still have about an hour.

Do you wanna do the piercing?

Yeah.

( sighs )

( exhales sharply )

- Aah.
- Shh.

( sighing )

lt's almost there.

- Do you wanna look?
- Sure.

- ( laughs )
- lt's a little deeper than last time.

Yeah.

Do you wanna try another one?

Sure.

l love doing this.

( inhales sharply )

( gasps )

- lt's through.
- ( moans )

( laughs )

- Hold still now.
- ( moans )

- Hold still.
- Uh-huh.

( inhales sharply )

( panting )

This is the best part.

Aah!
( laughing )

l wrote a little note.

As usual.

Remember last week

when the phone lines
were all screwed up?

God, yeah.
l lost a whole day's work practically.

l was out a lot of money.

l called you that day.

l know, you told me.

l got scared the place
had closed down. l--

l worried l would never
get in touch with you.

l'm going to quit
at the end of the month.

l was thinking we could try...

seeing each other on the outside.

You--

you know l've wanted this
for a long time.

Yes, l know.

How should we do this?

Why don't you give me your number
and l'll call you?

l'll give you my card.

Mm.

( rap music playing in distance )

Okay, look.
The guy told me 1:00, all right?

- What, do you think l made this up?
- No, no, no, no.

l didn't say that. l only said
that Jeff does not come in on Fridays,

so there must be
some misunderstanding.

- A misunderstanding?
- Yes, a misunderstanding. l'm sorry.

( sighs )

Staff meeting was
moved up to three today, right?

Uh, yes.

Mail keeps piling up.

( scoffs )

Just getting in and you already
look like you need a Valium, Peter.

l'll drop by your office later.

So what's going on?

Sorry to bug you about this,
but what do you think l should say

to the Oxford people
on the phone today?

Uh, about?

Remember the kid who hid himself
in the building a couple of weeks ago?

Oh, right.

Well, all l can say is

you must tell them
what you already know.

They're gonna cut him off
unless you exaggerate what's going on.

What, like claiming
he's suicidal?

Well, that depends on how strongly
you feel he should stay in therapy.

- Anything else?
- No.

- Thanks.
- ( dial tone, beeping )

( phone ringing )

Woman on recording:
Thanks for calling. No messages.

( crying )

( sighs )

Ooh.

No, no, no, no.
Relax, relax, just leave them.

( sighs )

ls there something going on?

You've been kind of hard
to talk to these days.

l know,
l've been pretty distracted.

ls it the clinic?

ln part.

Do you think this has anything
to do with May's going away to college?

Doesn't feel that way.

Except her leaving
makes me know that l'm older.

( sighs )
l've been pretty preoccupied myself.

Ugh,
if l don't finish this book

up in Nova Scotia this summer,
l don't know.

lt's not just work.

Well, what is it, then?

There's a dominant
that l've been seeing.

l mean--
l mean, l've been seeing...

one dominant for a while now.

She told me the other day
she's gonna stop working.

l've become very...

attached to her.

( sighs )
ls it-- ( scoffs )

ls it personal
or professional,

this attachment
you have to her?

- Both.
- Both?

We're gonna try
to get together for coffee

after she's stopped working.

( scoffs )

Are you telling me this to reassure
yourself that that's all it'll be?

No, that is all it will be.

l just didn't want you to think
it was something else.

l didn't mean to--

l just wanted to tell you.

( sighs )

( phone ringing )

Hello?

l told you l'd call you.

Hi.

- Sorry, am l late?
- No, not at all.

So how you doing?

lt's strange seeing you
on the outside.

Well, how?

You're uncomfortable, too.
l can tell.

l, uh, well, l--
l guess l am a little nervous.

- ( chuckles )
- That's good.

Oh, um, just a glass of white wine
for me, please.

Yeah, l'll have the same.

You said on the phone
your wife's gone for the summer?

Yeah, she's up in
Nova Scotia writing.

lt must be hard on you
with your wife gone for so long?

l'm used to it.

She goes there every summer.

Does that mean
you've done this before?

Done what?

What we are doing right now.

No...

not with anyone l've ever seen.

- This is stupid.
- What? What?

Us talking like this.
The whole thing.

- l should go.
- Suzanne...

l should go.

l'll never feel comfortable
about how we met.

We would never have met
in any other way.

That doesn't change
the way l feel.

What do you want from me?

Nothing.

Well,
that's not true.

l do wanna talk to you.

You wanna know about me.

Yes.

Remember that guy l told you about?
The one who liked extreme bondage?

Who?
Hog-tie Harry?

Something happened with him
about three weeks before l quit.

He was one of my first regulars.

l never really liked him,

but l've always allowed him
to see me.

Out of some kind of perverse loyalty,
l guess.

But the last time l saw him,
it wasn't just that l didn't like him...

he repulsed me.

- What did he ask you to do?
- No, no, it's not that.

lt's more that l felt
that he deserved to be humiliated

like he should be kicked around.

Didn't he feel he deserved
to be humiliated?

l liked hurting him, Peter.

Are you saying
you never felt this way before?

l discovered l couldn't
distance myself from the work.

Was l involved in this?

l knew we had gotten too close.

lt's late.

l'm happy here.

l like being with you.

l like being with you, too.

( groaning )

Suzanne, stop.

What's the matter?

Are you enjoying this?

Of course l am.

l wasn't sure.

( cell phone ringing )

( line ringing )

Suzanne on answering machine:
l'm not available right now.

( phone beeps )

( doorbell rings )

Woman on intercom:
Who is it?

Robert.

( door buzzing )

Um... did you decide?

Diana.

- l can take your tribute now.
- Yeah, sure.

Here.
All right?

- Great.
- Good.

Make yourself comfortable.

Take a position and Mistress Diana

- will be with you shortly.
- Thank you.

Okay.

( chains rattling )

( exhales )

( scoffs )

( grunts )

You're supposed to be kneeling.

l guess l wanted to talk first.

Kneel in front of me
and we'll have a consultation.

What do you like?

l love to be stretched...

on a rack or on the bed,

sometimes across a horse.

l used to take a lot more pain.

l'm into the more erotic
parts of this now.

You know what a zipper is?

Yes, l love that,

but what l'm saying
is that for the scene to be successful,

l need to be touched
where the pain is.

Okay.

( chains clinking )

( Peter moans )

Suzanne:
Spread your legs out.

More.

- Are you stretched enough?
- Yes, thank you.

l have very small nipples.

l think l can find them.

( whimpering )

Have you done piercing?

No, that's the only thing
l've never tried.

The sight of the needles
makes me wanna pass out.

Pity.
l love piercing.

- ( chain clinks )
- ( whimpers )

( panting )

( chains rattling )

That was a terrific session.

Thank you.
l had a good time.

What days are you on?

Wednesday afternoon
and Thursday and Friday evenings.

But if you call in advance, l can try
to arrange to be here on another day.

Robert's not my real name.
lt's, uh...

it's Peter.

ls Diana your real name?

- What do you think?
- l guess not.

- What do you do, Peter?
- l'm a...

a therapist.

- Really?
- You sound surprised.

Most therapists
take a while to admit it.

Are you married?

Yes.

- Do you two play?
- No, but she knows that l do it.

- Hmm.
- ( metal clinking )

( knock on door )

We're coming right out.

( door opens )

lt's not an affair.

l could never do that.

My husband Chris
comes from real wealth,

East Coast Wall Street money,

and he's quite a few years
older than l am.

Things are all right
between us, but...

l've never actually known
any kind of feeling

that could be called ecstasy
with him.

l didn't even know what an orgasm
was until recently.

We had this huge
catered dinner affair,

some of Chris' clients,
valet parking and all that.

At some point
during the evening,

l was called into the kitchen
to resolve some stupid argument

about what food to bring out next
and l noticed the room

where the staff
had left their things.

And after everyone left the kitchen,

l went into that room,

and l opened one of the backpacks.

And-- and l found some change

in one of the pockets:
quarters, dimes, pennies.

l felt like l was gonna faint.

l began to rub the coins together

between my fingers
and then l began to dig my nails

into the coin's... flesh,

the surface.

lt was like

a series of waves.

That's how l knew.

lt must have been wonderful.

- lt was.
- Have these experiences continued?

Well...

l felt so guilty about it
the first time,

l was determined
never to do it again.

But l did do it again

and after a while,
l stopped feeling guilty about it.

But l-- l still would like to know...

why l get my pleasure this way.

Because it is restricted.

Can l ask you a question
about something you described?

- Yes.
- Did you keep the coins?

Well, l only needed
a few at a time.

l never would have given
them back.

( door opens )

( door closes )

You didn't buzz first.

l'm sorry, l forgot.

lf you don't watch out,
you'll lose your key privileges.

l hope you are not serious.

l just like to know
you're coming up, that's all.

Not too much to ask, is it?

What are we arguing about here?

My right to privacy.

That's bullshit.

Suzanne, you don't like the way
l do anything these days.

( phone ringing )

Ugh, could you tell whoever it is
l'll call them back, please?

Hello?

She's not here right now.
Can l take message?

Juno?

And she has your number?

l'll take it.

This is the woman
you used to work for, isn't it?

Hi, Juno.

( computer keys clicking )

Let's try again.
l know you can get it.

F...

free.

- Let's try it another way.
- l don't wanna do this.

- Let's just see--
- l don't wanna do this!

- Peter...
- No!

( sighs )

Suzanne on answering machine:
Hi, you've reached Suzanne.

- Please leave a message.
- ( beeps )

Suzanne, l was--
it's Peter.

l was wondering if we could
get together later?

Do you think that's a good idea?

l think it's a good idea.
Would you call me back when you--

when you get a chance?

( sighs )

( knocks on door )

Yeah?

Lisa, hi.

l've got one of
the Board of Directors up front.

Shit.

l'm not even close to ready
with this thing.

l told them l wasn't sure
if you'd left yet.

- lf you don't mind.
- No problem.

Thanks.

( groans )

You may open your eyes now.

( groans )

You're fighting it today,
Peter.

Yeah, l know.

( whispers )
l know.

Let the control go.
Come on, you're experienced.

- You know how to do this.
- ( sighs )

Hey.

( chuckles )

( inhales sharply, groans )

( groans )

You really have runner's legs.

Not too much to grab on to.

( groans )

Let your body lead the way.

l wanna be taken apart.

( whimpering )

Thank you.

( panting )

Are you ready to worship me?

Yes.

Yes?

Yes.

The year l turned 16 was the most
horrible year of my whole life.

We had just arrived from Germany
to finally join my father,

but...

my parents' marriage
was always a disaster

and he basically left right away.

He came to visit me
and my brother sometimes.

And then, some months later,
around Christmas,

he just crashed into this truck
in the middle of nowhere.

Boom.

Life, l can tell you.

Were you-- were you close?

- To him?
- Yeah.

l was his favorite.
l wanted it to be that way.

l think l even flirted with him.

ln fact, l know l did.

- Did anything...
- No.

Not with him,

but my mother always hated
how close we were.

She was jealous.

She--
she always punished everyone

for her own unhappiness
her whole life.

Just like she punished me
and my brother when my dad died.

She was so cold and removed.

Sometimes when people
are in shock--

Look, Peter,
l have a therapist.

l talk to her once a week,
l don't need another one.

Yeah, yeah, right.

l'm sorry.
l didn't mean to be so harsh.

- l should go.
- l'll get you a cab.

- No, l like walking.
- l'll walk with you.

No, l like walking alone.

( Peter pants )

Stop.

Please let me continue.

Let me... smell you.

( chuckles )

( Peter panting )

Lie down.

Lie down, Peter.
We only have a few minutes left.

( sighs )

( exhales )

( panting )

( moaning )

Suzanne:
l remember being so bored that summer.

Also terrified
of trying to make friends.

l ended up hanging out
with this kid Tim.

l guess l thought he was cute,

but mostly l just needed not to be

the new girl with the weird accent.

When l gave him
the blow job that day,

l actually remember feeling proud
of myself afterwards.

l never knew if Tim
meant to tell everybody like that

or if it just got around...

( sighs )

...but by then it didn't matter.

Why am l telling you this?

You hear these kind of stories
every day.

l don't think that's the point.
l was gonna say...

if it didn't still hurt,
you wouldn't have brought it up.

Come on, Peter.
Even you must hold on to things

that irritated you
a long time ago.

Of course.

So, what?
Tell me.

Things at school.
School things.

Things l couldn't
seem to make them understand.

l tried it...

every time l'd talk,
everything seemed to come out wrong.

lt was shameful.

l get mad about it.
Makes me...

Even now, people correct
the way l say something,

l sit there for days
going over it in my head.

More and more
terrified of losing it.

Jesus, listen to us.

What?

Talking about our childhood
like this.

People talk to me
about this sort of thing all the time.

That's exactly the reason why
we should be talking about other things.

l like listening to you.

l think we've established
on plenty of occasions

that your intentions
aren't as innocent as that, Peter.

- What's going on?
- Nothing.

You didn't like me touching you?

lt's what l saw behind it.

What did you see?

How much more you wanted.

- During our sessions together--
- That wasn't me, okay?

You wanted to go out, too.

l know.

l just need to do it my way,
okay?

l will be back.
l will be back.

( silent )

Do my legs now.

( moans )

( sighs )

( moans )

( leather creaking )

Do you want me
to take this off?

You know that's against the rules.

Do they apply to us anymore?

- The rules are there to protect us.
- l know.

( shouting )
You don't sleep with your patients!

- That's not the same thing.
- For me it is.

lt's time to jerk off.

Aah!

( chuckles )

( moaning )

l want you to come for me.

( panting )

Suzanne!
Suzanne.

( groaning )

( train clacking in distance )

( indistinct chattering )

( cash register bell dings )

Hello, my dear.

Don't you look wonderful.

Not even a kiss hello?

Too late,
l'm already sitting.

What would you like, dear?

Decaf cappuccino, please.

No caffeine?

You've changed.

So tell me,

what have you been doing
with yourself

since you left the business?

Working on my art mostly.

That all?

lt's a lot.

l'm sure. Yes.

And the girlfriend?

What about her?

l always thought
you'd end up with a man.

Oh, l suppose there's still
plenty of time for that.

l'm not going back to work
for you, you know?

Of course l do, honey.

No, no, l--

l have something specific

l thought you
might be interested in.

A very lucrative something

down in Philadelphia.
An old regular.

l imagine you could

make enough to support yourself

for two or three months.

Do people still ask for me?

Oh, yes.
They miss you.

l wonder if you know
why you're so good at it,

why the customers really do
miss you.

You really could
create the feeling of intimacy.

Fake intimacy,

but that's why the customers
kept coming back.

Maybe,
but so what?

You're still perverse.

There's more than one way
to express that.

l am sorry, Juno.
l can't help you out.

Have it your way.

You won't hold it against me, now.

That would be unprofitable
for both of us.

( dial tone )

( dialing )

( line ringing )

( phone ringing )

Hi.

l'm fine.
Working on a new panel.

( sighs )

l'm not sure l'm ready to see
you again so soon.

l know, l know.

l just need a little bit more time.

l'm pretty busy right now.

l'll call you.

All right,
next week sounds good.

Okay.

You, too.

( phone beeps )

( sighs )

( silent )

- Have you read this?
- Mm-mm.

- Well, l have.
- Really?

Yeah.

Wasn't one just like last years?

Well, there's nothing new here.

- Let me tell you.
- Really?

l mean,
look at this chapter right here.

l know. l know.

Ugh,
but, my God, he's amazing.

lt's his third book
in three years.

Have you read this month's issue

- of "Psychoanalytic Thought"?
- No.

Well, my essay on
countertransference in young adults,

- deals with a lot of the same issues--
- Really?

- Yes!
- Oh, please.

l don't know where
he gets this stuff.

- Well, he's got a good publisher.
- Huh.

( indistinct conversations )

Suzanne: How come
you're always in corners, Peter?

( dance music playing )

( indistinct chatter )

( slapping )

You're terrific to watch.

Thanks.

- You ever do men?
- lt's usually men l do.

l haven't done a public scene
for a long time.

Looking for someone
to corrupt you, huh?

Ah, maybe so.

- You straight?
- Uh-huh.

- You married?
- Uh-huh.

What's your name?

Peter.

Go to the bar
and get me a bottle of water, Peter.

Go.

l'll take a water.

Keep the change.

You ready?

l'm ready.

What would you
like me to do?

l want you to go over there,

take off all your clothes,

and wait for me.

People will stop and stare,
but they're not allowed to touch.

- You know that, right?
- ( chuckles )

- Yes.
- You can call me Mistress Terry.

Yes, Mistress Terry.

Go.

Since this is
our first time together,

l'm gonna take it really slow.

l'm gonna handcuff your wrists,

but your feet are gonna
stay on the floor.

Say "Thank you, Mistress Terry."

Thank you, Mistress Terry.

Raise your hands.

Good.

( chains clinking )

( crop slapping )

Peter, Peter, relax.

( laughs )

This is supposed to
make you feel good.

The safety word is "mercy".
You say "mercy" and the scene is over.

We don't go on to something else.

- We stop.
- Thank you, Mistress Terry.

Let me hear you say "mercy".

- Mercy.
- Good boy.

You have the option
of a blindfold.

l'd like to keep my eyes open,
Mistress Terry.

Okay.

- Kiss it.
- Kiss it?

( whispers )
Kiss it.

( panting )

- ( slapping )
- ( gasping )

- ( groaning )
- ( chuckles ) How's that?

Fine, fine.

- ( slaps )
- ( pants )

( groans )

- ( slaps )
- ( grunts )

( chuckles )

- ( slaps )
- ( grunts )

Aah!

- ( slaps )
- Aah!

( whispers )
Mercy. Mer-- mercy.

Mercy...

mercy.

( panting )

Are you sure?

You know my rule.

Yes, Mistress Terry.

( chains rattling )

- l'm sorry about earlier.
- Aw, you didn't like my punishment?

Oh, no.
You were great.

lt was me.

l just...

didn't have it tonight.

Mm.

Well,
l'm here most weekends.

l'd be happy to try again
with you, Peter.

lf you want.

Thanks.

Suzanne on answering machine:
Hi, you've reached Suzanne.

- Please leave a message.
- ( beeps )

Peter on answering machine:
Suzanne, it's Peter again.

l haven't heard from you
in a little while.

l hope everything's all right.

l was wondering if you wanted
to get together tomorrow night.

l'm seeing a patient at six,
but l'm free after that.

Call me.

l miss you.

( beeps )

( door opens )

Suzanne:
Did you see my red nail polish?

Miko,
did you hear me?

What is it?

Who is Peter?

A friend.

He sounded
like something else.

l don't like the way
you said that.

Was he client?

Why would you think that?

Where else you meet a man?

He is a former client...

but l happen to have
other male friends

from all parts of my life.

You are changing
the subject.

No, l'm not.

You are acting as if you
don't know l've had boyfriends.

So, he was boyfriend, too?

No!
Don't...

change things around!

l thought

you didn't see your client
outside work.

l thought

that was breaking the rule.

l don't work there anymore.

Remember?

Argue your way out of it
like always you do...

but l saw guilt
on your face when l asked you.

( sighs )
Don't leave.

Let's...

Fuck this, Suzanne.
Fuck all of this.

( sighs )

Peter on answering machine:
l'm seeing a patient at six,

but l'm free after that.

Call me.

l miss you.

( beeps )

( dialing )

- ( line ringing )
- Woman: Hello?

Yes,

l would like to speak
to Juno, please.

( indistinct chatter )

( doorbell rings )

Hello, Walter.

lt's been quite a while.

Yes, Mistress Diana.

l don't come back East
very often anymore.

May l say something,
Mistress Diana?

- Speak.
- ( exhales )

l was hoping
for the red leather outfit.

You know black
makes me uncomfortable.

Are you telling the mistress
what she should wear?

l was only hoping
that since l am paying for this--

( shouting )
This is all they've got here!

Next time you have to come
to New York!

Get up.

Put those on your ankles.

- ( jingling )
- Uh-oh, look at you,

- clumsy, stupid.
- ( jingling )

( panting )
Mistress, Diana.

You know l need you
to speak more softly.

lt's important.
The tone is not right.

lf you continue
to speak like this,

l'm going to fix you
with a ball gag.

( sighs )

- Please, Mistress--
- Shut up!

Walk over to the rack
and don't move!

l know you're looking at me.

Keep your eyes on the wall.

Put this on your wee wee.

No, Mistress, please.

Come on, do it!

l don't want you
dripping on the floor.

- lt's disgusting.
- ( sighs )

May l say something,
Mistress, please?

What, Walter?

lt is important
that you touch me correctly.

That-- that-- is just not right.

l've had it, Walter.

- Open your mouth.
- ( grunts )

Open your mouth!

l'm not in the mood
to put up with this today.

l'm really not in the mood.

( mumbles )

And l don't wanna hear
another sound from you.

( panting )

( Walter whimpering )

l don't believe we're gonna be able
to continue these sessions

until your whip technique
improves significantly.

And l believe your session
has come to an end,

unless you wish to pay
for another hour.

And you do need
to work on that voice.

lt's still not quite right.

Don't try to top me,
Walter.

Thank you.

( laughing )

( crying )

( cell phone ringing )

Hello?

Steve?
What's going on?

( sighs )

( chuckles )

No, no.

Yeah, of course l'll let you know
what's happening.

What l'd really like to do is to, um...

escape up there with you.
Yeah.

Have you talked to May?

No, l haven't either,
but she's in Venice.

l got a postcard from her.
Yeah, sure.

Uh, Pat, hold on.

- l have another call.
- ( phone beeps )

Yeah?

Suzanne?
What is it?

You blew up the reproductions
from the book l gave you.

You don't like it?

No, l think this is great.

l wanted to apologize
for being so out of touch lately.

lt's fine,
don't worry about it.

Are you all right?

Well, l had a tough day
at the clinic yesterday.

Uh,
so, l'm glad l'm here.

l haven't seen my mother
in close to a year.

She doesn't know
anything about my life.

Whatever you want to say
about me...

us...

She probably won't even ask.

- Hey.
- Hey.

So you get lost or somethin'?

No, why?

How long did it take us
to get here?

l don't know,
l just thought you'd be here sooner.

We drove right out

and if it wasn't for my friend
Peter offering to bring me,

it would've taken much longer.

Oh, um, Steve,
this is Peter.

Peter.
Nice to meet you.

Should we go inside?

Yeah.

Why didn't you tell me
you had gone in for a biopsy?

l didn't want to make
a big deal of it until l knew.

l would like to be there
for your next appointment.

l'm sorry for this horribly morbid
introduction to our family.

No, no.
l'm sorry about your news.

Are you sure you don't want
a cup of coffee or somethin'?

Uh, okay, sure.

l'll, uh--
l'll come with you.

( speaking German )

l have been busy with this
new art project l'm working on.

And the temp job?

( sighs )

l only do that work
to make ends meet.

What is the new
art project about?

lt's not about one thing.

lt was kind of your friend
to drive you over here.

What does he do?

He's a therapist.

Not yours, l hope.

- No, but what does that--
- Don't get upset.

l was only half serious.

( sighs )

l came here
to talk about you, Mom.

l'm worried.

Save your worry
for when things get really bad.

Stephen?

He'll help you get
the guest room arranged upstairs.

We're not staying the night.

You came all the way out here
just to leave again?

Peter has to go back.

Did you just call me, Ma?

You'll stay for dinner at least,
l hope.

So do l get to see

this project sometime?

lf you come to New York.

Are you still in the same space
near that loud bridge?

- ( Peter chuckles )
- Yes, and it's not that loud.

As long as you're happy.

l am.

Good.

So, Peter,

l didn't catch
what you did in the city.

- He analyzes people like us.
- ( Peter chuckles nervously )

l'm a--
l'm a therapist.

You don't find it depressing?

Uh, no.
Why would you think that?

See, l was right.

You can't help analyzing people.

You're welcome to stay over.

We need to go back.

What?

l don't really know
what to do here.

Why don't you go home?

She can always call
if she needs anything.

No, l mean, in general.

( sighs )

Don't imagine the worst yet.
A lot of people make it through this.

Hey.

ls this all about me
not staying the night?

No, but it would be nice to think
that maybe you'd be around sometimes

if we need your help.

Let's take one step at a time,
okay?

Why don't you
give me a call tomorrow?

You know...

you keep expecting her to change

and, uh, she's not gonna.

So l have to?

ls that what you're saying?

Forget it.

All right?
l'll talk to you tomorrow.

Thanks for today.

You going to be all right?

What do you mean?

Uh, nothing.

Do you wanna come up
for a little while?

( phone beeps )

- Any messages?
- Yeah, a couple of patients.

And from your wife?

No.

Can l kiss you?

l've only let a few people
kiss me.

l wanna kiss you
more than anything.

( panting )

l will never feel comfortable

about how we met.

Well, we can't do anything
about that.

That's the point.

( chuckles )

( shoes thud )

( panting )

l wanna be inside you.

Why did you ask me up here?

When we left my mother's house,
l felt very close to you.

We met two and a half years ago.

You didn't meet me,
you met Diana.

Who did you meet?

Somebody who tops
from the bottom.

That's not fair.

When you started to bring me
those books,

you were being manipulative.

lt wasn't just me.
You wanted to go out, too.

And l gave you those books
because l thought

you might enjoy them.

l did enjoy them.

( sighs )

( exhales sharply )

( panting )

lt's no good, Peter.

l can't.

( Suzanne sighs )

( car beeping )

Suzanne on answering machine:
Please leave a message.

( beeps )

Suzanne, it's Peter.

l was wondering
how you're doing.

Things have been
pretty stressful here at the office.

l guess l'll, uh...

tell you
about it when we talk.

l also feel exhausted
by what happened.

Why don't you give me a call?

l'll be at the office
for an hour or so.

l hope you--

Well, call me.

( phone ringing )

Suzanne on answering machine:
Hi, you've reached Suzanne.

- Please leave a message.
- ( beeps )

Peter on answering machine:
Suzanne, it's Peter.

Are you there?

l just wanted to make sure
you were all right.

That's all.

l'm sorry.
l feel silly calling again,

but it's been almost five days

since we last saw each other.

Or even talked.

- lf we could just-- well...
- ( phone beeps )

Hi.

l'm here.

( panting )

l can't see you anymore.

That's it, Peter.
l'm not going to change my mind.

l'm sorry about the other night.

l thought l could be patient.
l--

l can't allow myself
to want you.

l know that's how you feel.

lt will never happen again.

lt will never happen.

( shouting )
l don't wanna lose you!

lf l gave in,
l would be...

l can't.

And in reality, Peter,
you can't either.

Well, that's your decision,
not mine.

Did you forget
that you're married?

lt's like your age.
lt's something l can't ignore.

Let's get out of here.
Let's just walk around

- and talk about this.
- ( shouting ) No!

No, l'm not going anywhere
with you together.

Suzanne, don't do this.

Do what?

You are the one
who's losing control.

You can't let go of the...

fantasy.

ls that all you think
this has been?

( sighs )

All?
Maybe not.

But it doesn't matter.

l can't be responsible for you.

Suzanne:
Tell me what you feel, Peter.

Peter:
l feel you still with me.

Suzanne:
And this?

Peter:
Pain. lt feels like pain.

Suzanne:
Tell me what's happening.

Peter:
l'm sad.

Suzanne:
Stay with it, Peter.

Peter:
As a child, l'd already given up hope.

Suzanne:
l was made to shape myself

to what others wanted.

Peter:
Helpless, l searched.

l wanted to be punctured,

pierced,

torn apart.

Reformed.

Suzanne:
Shaped, l struck at their plan.

l wanted to puncture,

pierce,

rip apart.

Peter:
l want to look at you again.

Suzanne:
The time is up.

( birds chirping )

Pat:
ls she okay out there?

Oh, yeah.
She's a much better swimmer than l am.

Pat:
Oh, mm...

The fisherman finally got their new boat
landing on the south shore.

The state approved it
a few weeks ago.

- Aw, that's too bad.
- Oh, l don't know.

l'm not even sure it'll make
that big of a difference.

Well, l thought most people
were against it.

Eh, they were resisting
the idea of change

as much as anything else.

- That's normal, l guess.
- Hmm.

But not very realistic.

Did she tell you
anything about her trip?

( chuckles )
No, not really.

l suppose we'll have to wait
to see the pictures.

That's funny.

How they go from telling you
absolutely everything

- to practically nothing.
- ( chuckles )

She's private.

Like you.

( sighs )

l don't know.

About her or you?

l'm scared most people
won't understand.

Does that include me?

No.

You do hurt me,
you know?

l know.

And l'm sorry.

( phone ringing )

Suzanne:
Hello?

Peter:
Suzanne.

lt's Peter.

How are you?

Suzanne:
l'm fine.

Peter:
l saw your ad in one of the magazines.

Suzanne: l needed the money.
lt's only one day a week.

Peter: l was wondering
if we could get together.

Just to talk.

Suzanne: lt won't be any different
than it was a year ago.

Peter?

Are you there?

Peter: Yes.

( music playing )

Originally published 01/29/2015