Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,214 --> 00:00:03,290
- Jackpot.
- _
2
00:00:03,325 --> 00:00:04,737
♪♪
3
00:00:04,739 --> 00:00:06,671
One points.
4
00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:10,609
♪♪
5
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:13,011
Iz raining!
6
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:14,613
♪♪
7
00:00:14,615 --> 00:00:16,749
Dinner. It's what's for dinner.
8
00:00:16,751 --> 00:00:19,684
Now, I've been up since 10:00,
so I'm turning in.
9
00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,886
Enjoy, my babies.
10
00:00:21,888 --> 00:00:24,423
ANNOUNCER:
Channel 36 is incredibly proud
11
00:00:24,425 --> 00:00:26,558
to present our midnight movie,
12
00:00:26,560 --> 00:00:29,762
"The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smowg."
13
00:00:29,764 --> 00:00:34,232
[GASPS] Stan, it's Smowg.
He's about to be desolated.
14
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:36,135
Stan?
15
00:00:37,404 --> 00:00:39,404
Huh.
16
00:00:39,506 --> 00:00:41,340
Huh.
17
00:00:41,442 --> 00:00:43,141
Huh.
18
00:00:43,243 --> 00:00:45,043
Huh.
19
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,312
No.
20
00:00:51,485 --> 00:00:52,517
Uh-oh.
21
00:00:52,519 --> 00:00:54,452
What the hell are you
guys doing down here?
22
00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:57,656
Uh, you know how you never
learned what lacrosse is?
23
00:00:57,658 --> 00:00:58,857
Yeah?
24
00:00:58,859 --> 00:00:59,858
Well, this is it.
25
00:00:59,860 --> 00:01:01,860
This is lacrosse.
26
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:04,529
♪♪
27
00:01:04,531 --> 00:01:07,466
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
28
00:01:07,468 --> 00:01:10,869
♪ I got a feelin'
that it's gonna be a wonderful day ♪
29
00:01:10,871 --> 00:01:13,872
♪ The sun in the sky has
a smile on his face ♪
30
00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:18,544
♪ And he's shinin'
a salute to the American race ♪
31
00:01:20,214 --> 00:01:23,748
♪ Oh, boy, it's swell to say ♪
32
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:26,485
- ♪ Good... ♪
- ♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
33
00:01:26,487 --> 00:01:27,586
Aah!
34
00:01:28,489 --> 00:01:31,623
♪ Good morning, U.S.A. ♪
35
00:01:32,349 --> 00:01:34,426
So, every night after I'm asleep,
36
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:36,428
you come down to the crawl space?
37
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:38,863
I don't understand.
38
00:01:38,865 --> 00:01:41,265
A crawl space is an area between floors,
39
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:43,401
where crawling is not just allowed,
40
00:01:43,403 --> 00:01:44,536
it's encouraged...
41
00:01:44,538 --> 00:01:46,338
I know what a crawl space is, Stan.
42
00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:47,739
Did you, though?
43
00:01:47,741 --> 00:01:50,274
I mean, why are you eating down here?
44
00:01:50,276 --> 00:01:53,144
Are you hiding from me?
45
00:01:53,146 --> 00:01:54,879
Just give it to me straight.
46
00:01:54,881 --> 00:01:56,748
We're still hungry
'cause your dinner stinks!
47
00:01:56,750 --> 00:01:57,682
- It sucks!
- Whoa!
48
00:01:57,684 --> 00:01:58,750
- Easy!
- Hey!
49
00:01:58,752 --> 00:02:01,686
- [CHUCKLES]
- Uh, we hate you.
50
00:02:01,688 --> 00:02:03,688
- You're a bad lady!
- Jeff!
51
00:02:03,690 --> 00:02:04,889
Alright, that's it.
52
00:02:04,891 --> 00:02:06,157
Go to the dark part of the crawl space
53
00:02:06,159 --> 00:02:08,693
- for 10 minutes.
- It's ridiculous.
54
00:02:08,695 --> 00:02:10,895
The dinner was bad?
55
00:02:10,897 --> 00:02:13,097
I followed the recipe to a "T."
56
00:02:13,099 --> 00:02:17,101
It was Certified "Yim Yam Yummo"
by Rachael Ray herself!
57
00:02:17,103 --> 00:02:19,571
It's not that your cooking's bad...
58
00:02:19,573 --> 00:02:22,840
Gee, how do we put it gently, gang?
59
00:02:22,842 --> 00:02:25,043
- Your food is soulless.
- Totally uninspired.
60
00:02:25,045 --> 00:02:27,178
- It's got no heart!
- Oh.
61
00:02:27,180 --> 00:02:28,512
Sorry, Mom.
62
00:02:28,514 --> 00:02:29,781
JEFF: It's poop food!
63
00:02:29,783 --> 00:02:31,383
Jeff! 20 minutes!
64
00:02:31,385 --> 00:02:33,051
Life is so unfair!
65
00:02:33,053 --> 00:02:35,787
Don't feel bad, Mom.
Cooking's just not your thing.
66
00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:36,988
You can always join us here,
67
00:02:36,990 --> 00:02:38,456
for what we call "Cracker Hour."
68
00:02:38,458 --> 00:02:40,858
Oh, but it's so much more than crackers.
69
00:02:40,860 --> 00:02:43,327
There's cheeses, toasted Pringles,
70
00:02:43,329 --> 00:02:45,329
and sumptuous summer sausages.
71
00:02:45,331 --> 00:02:49,133
Hillshire Farms has put more
love into this Li'l Smoky
72
00:02:49,135 --> 00:02:52,003
than in a thousand of your "dinners."
73
00:02:52,005 --> 00:02:54,005
I don't want to be bad at cooking.
74
00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,607
I want to be good at cooking.
75
00:02:55,609 --> 00:02:58,076
Why not do a cooking course
at the Learning Annex?
76
00:02:58,078 --> 00:02:59,744
You tell them what you want to learn,
77
00:02:59,746 --> 00:03:02,747
they look it up on the Internet,
and then they teach it to you.
78
00:03:02,749 --> 00:03:05,349
You know what? I will do that.
79
00:03:05,351 --> 00:03:08,152
Sorry I drove you guys underground.
80
00:03:08,154 --> 00:03:11,022
I scratched myself on a nail!
81
00:03:11,024 --> 00:03:13,758
[CHUCKLES] Gotta watch
out for those nails.
82
00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:16,027
Hold up... Do my eyes spy
83
00:03:16,029 --> 00:03:19,564
a Li'l Smoky in the dirt?
84
00:03:19,566 --> 00:03:22,100
- Dad, are you okay?
- There's a nail in his head!
85
00:03:22,102 --> 00:03:24,035
- Why isn't he speaking?
- Somebody do something!
86
00:03:24,037 --> 00:03:26,370
- This is literally the first time tonight...
- Aw, Dad! He's so still!
87
00:03:26,372 --> 00:03:28,306
- ...I've reached for the Li'l Smokys and not bumped...
- Blink if you can hear me!
88
00:03:28,308 --> 00:03:29,741
- ...into Stan's hand.
- He's not blinking! He's so calm!
89
00:03:30,757 --> 00:03:32,844
- ♪♪
- _
90
00:03:32,846 --> 00:03:34,111
Don't worry.
91
00:03:34,113 --> 00:03:35,713
Stan's walking around and everything,
92
00:03:35,715 --> 00:03:37,248
but he hasn't said a word,
93
00:03:37,250 --> 00:03:39,985
so you know that nail's
touching something important.
94
00:03:39,987 --> 00:03:42,119
You want to talk about
touching a nerve...
95
00:03:42,121 --> 00:03:45,723
You guys not liking my
cooking has really rattled me.
96
00:03:45,725 --> 00:03:49,460
Yes, yes it is me. Miss Nadine.
97
00:03:49,462 --> 00:03:51,262
Yeah, Nadine!
98
00:03:51,264 --> 00:03:54,599
Today, we're making a classic
spaghetti and meatballs.
99
00:03:54,601 --> 00:03:56,868
Every step is on these recipe cards,
100
00:03:56,870 --> 00:03:58,269
except for one...
101
00:03:58,271 --> 00:03:59,470
Enjoy yourself!
102
00:03:59,472 --> 00:04:01,939
I'll just follow the steps on the card,
103
00:04:01,941 --> 00:04:03,675
if that's okay with you.
104
00:04:03,677 --> 00:04:06,477
Oh, man, that babe Danuta's here!
105
00:04:06,479 --> 00:04:09,214
I'm gonna make a cool face
while I chop my onion.
106
00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:14,285
Is she looking? Is this face cool?
107
00:04:14,287 --> 00:04:17,288
Hmm. My cup has a dent in it.
108
00:04:17,290 --> 00:04:19,290
Won't be accurate.
109
00:04:19,292 --> 00:04:21,626
I'll have to use 48 teaspoons.
110
00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:23,294
[GASPS]
111
00:04:23,296 --> 00:04:26,698
Ms. Nadine!
Dick's not measuring his salt.
112
00:04:26,700 --> 00:04:28,833
Oh. Well, that's fine.
113
00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:30,968
He just squeezed a lemon in there.
114
00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:32,370
That's not in the recipe.
115
00:04:32,372 --> 00:04:34,239
Your back was turned and he squeezed it!
116
00:04:34,241 --> 00:04:36,241
- I saw!
- I thought a hit of lemon
117
00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:38,443
would brighten up the marinara.
118
00:04:39,667 --> 00:04:40,845
Mmm.
119
00:04:40,847 --> 00:04:42,313
Ooh. That's a nice change, Dick.
120
00:04:42,315 --> 00:04:45,851
There's no lemon
anywhere in this recipe.
121
00:04:45,853 --> 00:04:48,586
Has the whole world gone crazy?
122
00:04:48,588 --> 00:04:50,722
[SOBBING] Danuta...
123
00:04:50,724 --> 00:04:54,659
Look at me, Danuta.
124
00:04:54,661 --> 00:04:57,528
- ♪♪
- _
125
00:04:57,530 --> 00:05:00,531
The nail has only pierced
his speech centers.
126
00:05:00,533 --> 00:05:03,334
I can yank it out with my Leatherman,
no problem,
127
00:05:03,336 --> 00:05:06,003
but not until the brain
swelling goes down.
128
00:05:06,005 --> 00:05:08,673
Bigger question... Would you be willing
129
00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:10,608
to let me have the brain?
130
00:05:10,610 --> 00:05:13,344
Keep in mind,
I'd replace it with a bag of sand
131
00:05:13,346 --> 00:05:16,281
so his overall weight
would not change...
132
00:05:16,283 --> 00:05:19,617
No. How long will it take
the swelling to go down?
133
00:05:20,318 --> 00:05:22,019
One week.
134
00:05:22,021 --> 00:05:25,290
I'll put this tiny safety
cone on it for now,
135
00:05:25,292 --> 00:05:29,094
but as your physician,
I must advise that you,
136
00:05:29,096 --> 00:05:34,231
as soon as possible,
get him a fun new hat.
137
00:05:34,233 --> 00:05:36,701
It's a Bugle snack.
138
00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:38,369
Mm. It's delicious.
139
00:05:38,371 --> 00:05:41,439
Hooraaaaay!
140
00:05:43,242 --> 00:05:46,444
Mmm. I know I keep saying this,
141
00:05:46,446 --> 00:05:48,980
but, to quote Dom DeLuise's tombstone,
142
00:05:48,982 --> 00:05:52,717
great meatball.
143
00:05:53,482 --> 00:05:55,787
And... what is this?
144
00:05:55,789 --> 00:05:57,388
It's also a meatball.
145
00:05:57,390 --> 00:05:58,656
Oh.
146
00:05:58,658 --> 00:05:59,724
It's good.
147
00:05:59,726 --> 00:06:01,793
Hey! Tell me the truth.
148
00:06:01,795 --> 00:06:04,395
- I can take it.
- Okay.
149
00:06:04,397 --> 00:06:05,863
It's a little bland.
150
00:06:05,865 --> 00:06:07,132
[SCREAMS]
151
00:06:07,134 --> 00:06:09,266
- It was your recipe!
- [GLASS SHATTERS]
152
00:06:09,268 --> 00:06:11,336
And I followed it to the letter!
153
00:06:11,338 --> 00:06:14,205
- [GLASS SHATTERS]
- I want a 40% refund!
154
00:06:14,207 --> 00:06:16,073
Get her out of here!
155
00:06:16,075 --> 00:06:19,010
[GRUNTING] Let me tell you something.
156
00:06:19,012 --> 00:06:20,878
Oh, yeah? What?
157
00:06:20,880 --> 00:06:24,215
This whole Annex is gonna burn,
158
00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:26,684
and you're gonna be in it.
159
00:06:26,686 --> 00:06:28,419
You can't burn brick, bitch!
160
00:06:28,421 --> 00:06:31,356
Oh, I'll find a fire hot enough.
161
00:06:31,358 --> 00:06:34,025
You're gonna pop like popcorn.
162
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:36,962
Pop! Pop-pop-pop-pop-pop!
163
00:06:36,964 --> 00:06:40,031
[ JAZZ MUSIC PLAYS]
164
00:06:40,033 --> 00:06:41,699
Now it's time for a new segment
165
00:06:41,701 --> 00:06:43,368
that I'm really excited about...
166
00:06:43,370 --> 00:06:46,303
- So [BLEEP] excited.
- ...where I travel the globe
167
00:06:46,305 --> 00:06:48,173
interviewing famous chefs.
168
00:06:48,175 --> 00:06:51,042
Here's me with Patagonian super chef,
169
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:52,910
Francis Mallmann.
170
00:06:52,912 --> 00:06:54,512
Super chef?
171
00:06:54,514 --> 00:06:57,849
As I say in my book, "The Seven Fires,"
172
00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,317
the problem with the home cook
173
00:06:59,319 --> 00:07:01,987
is that they are
enslaved by the recipes,
174
00:07:01,989 --> 00:07:04,656
by their electric stoves.
175
00:07:04,658 --> 00:07:06,457
MALLMANN: In the outdoors, where I cook,
176
00:07:06,459 --> 00:07:09,126
man is returned to what is essential.
177
00:07:09,128 --> 00:07:10,795
The fire Promethean.
178
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:13,298
It's all in my book, "The Seven Fires."
179
00:07:15,402 --> 00:07:19,537
Well, the results are in.
Slap bracelets are back.
180
00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:20,738
What the hell?!
181
00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:22,340
Damn thing made me look like an idiot.
182
00:07:22,342 --> 00:07:24,542
Wow, you're reading Francis Mallmann?
183
00:07:24,544 --> 00:07:28,079
Yeah, but his cooking is all
about trusting your instincts,
184
00:07:28,081 --> 00:07:30,015
and I don't know if I have those.
185
00:07:30,017 --> 00:07:32,083
What if you could learn instincts
186
00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:34,151
from someone like Francis Mallmann?
187
00:07:34,153 --> 00:07:35,753
Oh, my God. Do you know him?
188
00:07:35,755 --> 00:07:38,556
Yes, but we're estranged.
I said someone like him.
189
00:07:38,558 --> 00:07:40,758
I have a persona that borrows heavily
190
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,560
from Francis... duplicates him really,
191
00:07:42,562 --> 00:07:43,961
probably the source of the rift...
192
00:07:43,963 --> 00:07:45,630
and I do know that persona.
193
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,965
Would you be willing to go
all the way to Patagonia
194
00:07:47,967 --> 00:07:49,034
to learn how to cook?
195
00:07:49,036 --> 00:07:52,370
Roger, I'd go to freakin' L.L. Bean
196
00:07:52,372 --> 00:07:54,171
if it helped me be a better cook.
197
00:07:54,173 --> 00:07:55,707
Ha! That's hilarious.
198
00:07:55,709 --> 00:08:00,478
Although maybe you
aren't being hilarious.
199
00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:01,879
_
200
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:03,848
Now, Francine, when we get there,
201
00:08:03,850 --> 00:08:05,250
this guy's gonna be me.
202
00:08:05,252 --> 00:08:06,451
I want to be clear about that.
203
00:08:06,453 --> 00:08:08,786
This persona and I are different,
204
00:08:08,788 --> 00:08:09,987
but I am him.
205
00:08:09,989 --> 00:08:11,589
I can imagine how jarring it is
206
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:13,791
to find me around every
corner in your life,
207
00:08:13,793 --> 00:08:15,927
and I want this to be a
smoother deal for you.
208
00:08:15,929 --> 00:08:17,328
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
209
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:18,796
This is it, right?
210
00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:21,332
I'm about to look over,
and he'll be there,
211
00:08:21,334 --> 00:08:23,334
- and you'll be gone.
- Yeah.
212
00:08:23,336 --> 00:08:25,537
You know,
I don't usually get to say goodbye.
213
00:08:25,539 --> 00:08:28,740
Well, thanks for flying down with me.
214
00:08:28,742 --> 00:08:31,609
Even if you had to come
anyway to be the guy.
215
00:08:31,611 --> 00:08:32,810
Thanks.
216
00:08:32,812 --> 00:08:36,882
I'm Frenchus Mallmank,
not Francis Mallmann,
217
00:08:36,884 --> 00:08:38,149
and I'm gonna challenge
218
00:08:38,151 --> 00:08:40,351
everything you know about cooking.
219
00:08:40,353 --> 00:08:41,619
[GASPS]
220
00:08:41,621 --> 00:08:43,088
Goodbye!
221
00:08:43,090 --> 00:08:44,422
[SIGHS] Alright.
222
00:08:44,424 --> 00:08:47,325
That's enough turning around.
223
00:08:49,696 --> 00:08:51,496
♪♪
224
00:08:51,498 --> 00:08:53,298
NARRATOR: Frenchus Mallmank
225
00:08:53,300 --> 00:08:55,900
rejected the pathway
of fine French cuisine,
226
00:08:55,902 --> 00:09:00,171
and dedicated himself to powerful,
primitive cooking.
227
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:02,307
On his island in Patagonia,
228
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:04,309
with his dedicated students,
229
00:09:04,311 --> 00:09:06,444
he makes incredible meals
230
00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:09,514
using little more than fire and salt...
231
00:09:09,516 --> 00:09:13,318
and the world has taken notice.
232
00:09:13,320 --> 00:09:15,786
[EXASPERATEDLY] Would you shut up!
233
00:09:15,788 --> 00:09:18,189
Why are you narrating everything?
234
00:09:18,191 --> 00:09:20,191
And the narrator withdrew,
235
00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:23,127
shutting himself off
from human connection...
236
00:09:23,129 --> 00:09:24,929
Good! I think that's good.
237
00:09:24,931 --> 00:09:25,997
There.
238
00:09:25,999 --> 00:09:28,266
That is how you build...
239
00:09:28,268 --> 00:09:30,601
the Eight Fires.
240
00:09:30,603 --> 00:09:33,672
♪♪
241
00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:36,607
Yes. One more than Francis.
242
00:09:36,609 --> 00:09:38,409
Now I'll teach my techniques,
243
00:09:38,411 --> 00:09:40,545
all leading up to a grand feast.
244
00:09:40,547 --> 00:09:43,548
I will try each of your dishes,
finishing many of them,
245
00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:45,283
and see how much you learned.
246
00:09:45,285 --> 00:09:46,751
Lesson one!
247
00:09:46,753 --> 00:09:48,353
I'm sealing this fish
248
00:09:48,355 --> 00:09:51,089
in the rich cream mud
that is here by my feet.
249
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,691
When I cook this in the fire,
250
00:09:52,693 --> 00:09:54,959
the mud will hold in the moisture.
251
00:09:54,961 --> 00:09:57,828
- It will also muffle the small screams of the fish...
- [HIGH-PITCHED SQUEALING]
252
00:09:57,830 --> 00:09:59,430
...as it suffers and dies.
253
00:09:59,432 --> 00:10:02,233
Oh! How many cups of mud is that?
254
00:10:02,235 --> 00:10:04,903
You have long fingers,
and it looks like a lot.
255
00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:06,505
No cups! No recipes!
256
00:10:06,507 --> 00:10:11,442
Cooking is about being free and alive.
257
00:10:11,444 --> 00:10:13,111
No!
258
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:15,714
Eh? You like my trebuchet?
259
00:10:15,716 --> 00:10:17,115
- ♪♪
- _
260
00:10:17,117 --> 00:10:18,649
- [PIANO PLAYS]
- Alright.
261
00:10:18,651 --> 00:10:21,252
Let's find Dad a hat
to cover up that nail.
262
00:10:21,254 --> 00:10:22,587
[PIANO CONTINUES]
263
00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:24,389
You like the piano, Dad?
264
00:10:24,391 --> 00:10:27,258
You can wait here
while we shop for hats,
265
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:29,460
and I won't have to look at the nail.
266
00:10:29,462 --> 00:10:32,197
Hey, look who it is!
267
00:10:32,199 --> 00:10:35,600
[PIANO CONTINUES]
268
00:10:35,602 --> 00:10:37,468
- 10 minute break.
- [PIANO STOPS]
269
00:10:37,470 --> 00:10:41,173
Just enough time for a cigarette
and a tuna-fish sandwich.
270
00:10:44,877 --> 00:10:47,946
[PIANO PLAYS]
271
00:10:47,948 --> 00:10:48,947
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
272
00:10:48,949 --> 00:10:51,282
I am the manager of this Nordstrom,
273
00:10:51,284 --> 00:10:54,285
and that is simply gorgeous playing.
274
00:10:54,287 --> 00:10:55,286
You're hired.
275
00:10:55,288 --> 00:10:56,888
And you're fired.
276
00:10:56,890 --> 00:11:00,358
Does Dick's Sporting
Goods have piano players?
277
00:11:00,360 --> 00:11:01,760
Dad can't play piano.
278
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:04,563
It's the nail. It's unlocking him.
279
00:11:04,565 --> 00:11:08,499
My nail gives me the power to
know all domestic flight times
280
00:11:08,501 --> 00:11:11,302
within the United States.
281
00:11:11,304 --> 00:11:15,840
United 12 leaves Dulles
for O'Hare in 30 minutes.
282
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:18,909
No. Not even close.
283
00:11:18,911 --> 00:11:20,512
[SIZZLING]
284
00:11:23,049 --> 00:11:25,450
Come, my acolytes. Taste.
285
00:11:25,452 --> 00:11:27,518
You just got a bunch of dirt in it.
286
00:11:27,520 --> 00:11:30,521
That's earth,
and earth is flavor and passion.
287
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:33,658
Think of how many people
had sex on this earth.
288
00:11:33,660 --> 00:11:35,526
And on earth!
289
00:11:35,528 --> 00:11:37,528
[WHISPERING] I found a
little piece that's clean.
290
00:11:37,530 --> 00:11:39,330
A little dirt for ya!
291
00:11:39,332 --> 00:11:41,332
- [FIRE CRACKLING]
- To cook meat over flame,
292
00:11:41,334 --> 00:11:43,001
to me, I believe truly...
293
00:11:43,003 --> 00:11:45,604
Can't find the neck hole in this poncho.
There it is.
294
00:11:45,606 --> 00:11:48,406
The best technique is spatchcocking.
295
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:49,674
[WHISPERING] I've done that.
296
00:11:49,676 --> 00:11:51,610
It's when you intentionally graze
297
00:11:51,612 --> 00:11:53,744
someone's penis with your backpack.
298
00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:56,948
Spatchcocking is when you
flatten an animal's ribcage
299
00:11:56,950 --> 00:11:58,549
so that it cooks more evenly.
300
00:11:58,551 --> 00:12:00,685
I'll show you.
301
00:12:00,687 --> 00:12:04,555
It's all about finding just
the right point of pressure,
302
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:07,091
feeling it, making that connection,
303
00:12:07,093 --> 00:12:09,360
and then spatchcock!
304
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,162
This works with any meat.
305
00:12:11,164 --> 00:12:13,231
Wild hare...
306
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,967
river otter...
307
00:12:15,969 --> 00:12:17,702
two chickens.
308
00:12:17,704 --> 00:12:19,638
Usually, you want to prep it,
get the guts out,
309
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:21,372
but I was just feeling it too hard.
310
00:12:21,374 --> 00:12:22,641
Had to do a live spatchcock.
311
00:12:22,643 --> 00:12:25,644
So it goes.
Eight fires, etcetera, etcetera.
312
00:12:25,646 --> 00:12:28,112
With food, you need a little wine.
313
00:12:28,114 --> 00:12:30,448
This, to me, is a little wine.
314
00:12:30,450 --> 00:12:33,117
This is the largest size bottle of wine
315
00:12:33,119 --> 00:12:34,585
that isn't legally a vat.
316
00:12:34,587 --> 00:12:36,387
It is called... a nebuchadnezzar.
317
00:12:36,389 --> 00:12:39,524
I drink four of these a day,
just like Charlemagne did,
318
00:12:39,526 --> 00:12:40,925
and I'll outlive you all.
319
00:12:40,927 --> 00:12:43,394
What is it the poets say about wine?
320
00:12:43,396 --> 00:12:45,796
[BELCHES]
321
00:12:45,798 --> 00:12:47,866
What? Did you say something?
322
00:12:47,868 --> 00:12:49,000
Was I still going?
323
00:12:49,002 --> 00:12:50,268
Well, you're a fool
324
00:12:50,270 --> 00:12:54,406
if you don't savor your nebuchadnezzars.
325
00:12:56,677 --> 00:12:59,010
I can't tell if it's done.
326
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:02,080
Maybe I should check real quick.
327
00:13:02,082 --> 00:13:03,414
It's ruined.
328
00:13:03,416 --> 00:13:06,084
The precious juice has been drained.
329
00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:09,754
Taste yours.
330
00:13:09,756 --> 00:13:12,290
Now try mine.
331
00:13:12,292 --> 00:13:13,491
Mmm.
332
00:13:13,493 --> 00:13:15,360
It's so good.
333
00:13:15,362 --> 00:13:16,827
You're resisting my lessons.
334
00:13:16,829 --> 00:13:19,030
I hope you can show me
something at the big feast.
335
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:21,499
Now, if you excuse me, I must slumber
336
00:13:21,501 --> 00:13:23,502
and dream of spatchcocking T-rexes
337
00:13:23,504 --> 00:13:26,371
with my childhood friend, Jean-Baptiste.
338
00:13:26,373 --> 00:13:29,507
[PIANO PLAYS]
339
00:13:29,509 --> 00:13:31,642
[GIGGLES] Business
has never been better,
340
00:13:31,644 --> 00:13:33,244
and it's all thanks to you!
341
00:13:33,246 --> 00:13:37,582
Sales figures correspond
100% with your piano playing!
342
00:13:37,584 --> 00:13:39,250
I don't want any of this stuff.
343
00:13:39,252 --> 00:13:40,719
[UP-TEMPO PIANO PLAYS]
344
00:13:40,721 --> 00:13:43,388
I'm buying 10 winter coats!
345
00:13:43,390 --> 00:13:44,589
[LAUGHS]
346
00:13:44,591 --> 00:13:46,124
You hooked another one, Nailhead!
347
00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:48,793
And you know how big the
margins are on coats.
348
00:13:48,795 --> 00:13:50,661
[CHUCKLES] Oh, oh!
349
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:53,732
By the way,
I got a call from corporate earlier.
350
00:13:53,734 --> 00:13:56,667
They're considering turning
the Langley Falls location
351
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,203
into the new flagship...
352
00:13:59,205 --> 00:14:00,805
[PIANO CONTINUES]
353
00:14:00,807 --> 00:14:01,940
Yes.
354
00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:03,608
Flagship.
355
00:14:03,610 --> 00:14:06,745
That's what all this has been about.
356
00:14:06,747 --> 00:14:08,747
Now, play me to the break room,
357
00:14:08,749 --> 00:14:12,683
this time in the style of
a silent-movie villain.
358
00:14:12,685 --> 00:14:16,655
[STACCATO NOTES PLAY]
359
00:14:22,295 --> 00:14:26,965
Javier, your Potatoes Three
Ways is delicious, inspired.
360
00:14:26,967 --> 00:14:29,167
What would you say to another three-ways
361
00:14:29,169 --> 00:14:31,102
- in my big fur bed?
- No.
362
00:14:31,104 --> 00:14:35,239
You deny me?
My passion grows like a bonfire!
363
00:14:35,241 --> 00:14:36,507
Anywho, moving on.
364
00:14:36,509 --> 00:14:38,443
I was having a tough time at first,
365
00:14:38,445 --> 00:14:42,380
but I think I finally cooked
from... here.
366
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,349
Promising.
367
00:14:49,122 --> 00:14:50,321
Where are they?
368
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:51,722
Where are what?
369
00:14:51,724 --> 00:14:54,259
The measuring cups that
you used to make this!
370
00:14:54,261 --> 00:14:55,860
You're right!
371
00:14:55,862 --> 00:14:57,528
I cheated.
372
00:14:57,530 --> 00:14:59,464
I've been doing so terribly.
373
00:14:59,466 --> 00:15:01,874
Oh, why can't I understand how to cook?!
374
00:15:01,909 --> 00:15:03,001
Who cares about that?!
375
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:05,604
I launched those measuring cups
all the way to Bear Island.
376
00:15:05,606 --> 00:15:07,872
If you went there, it's possible "they"
377
00:15:07,874 --> 00:15:09,674
followed your scent back here.
378
00:15:09,676 --> 00:15:11,843
- Who?
- [BEARS GROWL]
379
00:15:12,813 --> 00:15:16,214
Acolytes, fly me to safety!
380
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:18,683
We'll tell the world your story!
381
00:15:18,685 --> 00:15:21,620
But I already told the world my story.
382
00:15:21,622 --> 00:15:23,622
[BEARS GROWL]
383
00:15:23,624 --> 00:15:25,356
Roger, what do we do?
384
00:15:25,358 --> 00:15:27,892
[WHISPERING] Stand perfectly
still and don't make a sound.
385
00:15:27,894 --> 00:15:30,495
[SNIFFING]
386
00:15:30,497 --> 00:15:32,430
- Yes, it's me.
- [ROARS]
387
00:15:32,432 --> 00:15:35,033
[SCREAMING]
388
00:15:35,035 --> 00:15:37,435
♪♪
389
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:39,237
- [GROWLS]
- [SCREAMING CONTINUES]
390
00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:43,441
♪♪
391
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:45,710
[COUGHS]
392
00:15:45,712 --> 00:15:48,446
That damn bear spatchcocked me.
393
00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,781
I wish I wasn't here right now.
394
00:15:50,783 --> 00:15:54,419
I wish I was in a restaurant.
395
00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:58,056
♪♪
396
00:15:58,058 --> 00:15:59,924
Roger! Are you okay?
397
00:15:59,926 --> 00:16:02,326
They told me Bear Island
would be a problem
398
00:16:02,328 --> 00:16:03,395
when I bought this place.
399
00:16:03,397 --> 00:16:05,529
"Leave the bears to me," I said.
400
00:16:05,531 --> 00:16:07,799
What did I even mean?
I didn't have a plan.
401
00:16:07,801 --> 00:16:09,200
This is all my fault.
402
00:16:09,202 --> 00:16:10,668
It's not your fault.
403
00:16:10,670 --> 00:16:12,804
You weren't there when
I bought the island.
404
00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:14,272
I mean, if I hadn't cheated,
405
00:16:14,274 --> 00:16:16,540
the bears never would have come here.
406
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:18,410
You killed me.
407
00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:20,612
Let's see how badly you're hurt.
408
00:16:20,614 --> 00:16:22,013
What's the damage?
409
00:16:22,015 --> 00:16:24,616
Will I ever be able
to rollerblade again?
410
00:16:24,618 --> 00:16:27,419
[SIGHING] Oh. That bear really got you.
411
00:16:27,421 --> 00:16:29,221
We need to get you off this island,
412
00:16:29,223 --> 00:16:30,688
but the boat is gone.
413
00:16:30,690 --> 00:16:33,024
There's a backup boat on the
other side of the island.
414
00:16:33,026 --> 00:16:34,558
Oh, my God!
415
00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:36,494
Wait, why do you have a backup boat?
416
00:16:36,496 --> 00:16:39,831
You should be asking,
why do I have three boats.
417
00:16:39,833 --> 00:16:44,436
Because I used to,
but then I ended up selling one.
418
00:16:44,438 --> 00:16:49,641
- [GRUNTS]
- Ow. Ow. Ow.
419
00:16:49,643 --> 00:16:51,976
Wait! My nebuchadnezzars!
420
00:16:51,978 --> 00:16:55,179
- [GLASS CLINKING]
- Ow. Ow.
421
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:56,915
Wait, my gaucho hat!
422
00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:02,053
[STRAINED] You know, Francine,
I think I'm ready to die.
423
00:17:02,055 --> 00:17:05,056
There's just one last
thing I want to do...
424
00:17:05,058 --> 00:17:07,058
drink a live-forever potion.
425
00:17:07,060 --> 00:17:10,462
You're not gonna die.
We've reached the boat.
426
00:17:10,464 --> 00:17:12,063
Wait. There's somebody in it.
427
00:17:12,065 --> 00:17:14,799
Oh, no. It's Francis Mallmann.
428
00:17:14,801 --> 00:17:17,669
You stole my identity,
Frenchus Mallmank,
429
00:17:17,671 --> 00:17:21,406
and now I steal your boat!
430
00:17:24,144 --> 00:17:25,543
[PIANO PLAYS]
431
00:17:25,545 --> 00:17:28,212
♪♪
432
00:17:28,214 --> 00:17:30,682
Money! Oh, money! Oh, money!
433
00:17:30,684 --> 00:17:32,550
[CHUCKLES] We're rich!
434
00:17:32,552 --> 00:17:35,086
This branch of Nordstrom is rich!
435
00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:37,689
- Oh, no. The family.
- It's been a week.
436
00:17:37,691 --> 00:17:39,291
We have to take the nail out now.
437
00:17:39,293 --> 00:17:42,494
- Otherwise, he'll die, right, Dr. Kalgary?
- Sounds right.
438
00:17:42,496 --> 00:17:45,429
Then you must take it out.
439
00:17:45,431 --> 00:17:47,431
I'd never want Nailhead to die.
440
00:17:47,433 --> 00:17:48,766
Because, you see,
441
00:17:48,768 --> 00:17:50,969
it wasn't about the money
or the coat sales...
442
00:17:50,971 --> 00:17:53,037
the highest in the tri-county area.
443
00:17:53,039 --> 00:17:55,307
It was about the music.
444
00:17:55,309 --> 00:18:00,244
So before you remove the nail,
could I hear just one last song?
445
00:18:00,246 --> 00:18:03,315
Dad! One more song!
446
00:18:03,317 --> 00:18:06,117
[PIANO PLAYS MELANCHOLY TUNE]
447
00:18:06,119 --> 00:18:08,586
No boats. No food.
448
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:10,654
We're both gonna starve here.
449
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:12,190
I'm surprised I made it this far
450
00:18:12,192 --> 00:18:15,660
with the amount of glass
I've been drinking.
451
00:18:15,662 --> 00:18:17,529
Before we die,
452
00:18:17,531 --> 00:18:20,198
why did you cheat with
the measuring cups?
453
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,066
I didn't want to mess up, I guess.
454
00:18:22,068 --> 00:18:25,003
What would it mean if you messed up?
455
00:18:25,005 --> 00:18:26,938
That there was something wrong
456
00:18:26,940 --> 00:18:29,140
with the measurements or the recipe.
457
00:18:29,142 --> 00:18:32,544
And what if you messed
up without a recipe?
458
00:18:32,546 --> 00:18:34,012
What if it was just you,
459
00:18:34,014 --> 00:18:36,414
cooking, making your own decisions?
460
00:18:36,416 --> 00:18:39,817
It'd mean that there was
something wrong with me,
461
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:41,485
that I was the failure.
462
00:18:41,487 --> 00:18:45,623
And that's what therapists
call a babababingo.
463
00:18:45,625 --> 00:18:47,625
[COUGHS]
464
00:18:47,627 --> 00:18:50,494
Roger, this leg is starting to turn.
465
00:18:50,496 --> 00:18:52,364
I think I should cut it off.
466
00:18:52,366 --> 00:18:56,434
If you're gonna cut off my leg,
you need to cook it.
467
00:18:56,436 --> 00:18:57,969
Roger, that's crazy!
468
00:18:57,971 --> 00:19:00,172
It'll keep me from
dying of blood poisoning
469
00:19:00,174 --> 00:19:02,707
and give us both something to eat.
470
00:19:02,709 --> 00:19:04,108
Oh, I don't know.
471
00:19:04,110 --> 00:19:06,310
There is no recipe for cooking my leg,
472
00:19:06,312 --> 00:19:07,579
no safety net.
473
00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:11,315
Show me who you are and feed me me.
474
00:19:11,317 --> 00:19:14,652
[PIANO CONTINUES]
475
00:19:14,654 --> 00:19:21,859
♪♪
476
00:19:21,861 --> 00:19:23,661
[GROANING]
477
00:19:23,663 --> 00:19:32,470
♪♪
478
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:41,213
♪♪
479
00:19:41,215 --> 00:19:42,414
I had a lemon.
480
00:19:42,416 --> 00:19:51,022
♪♪
481
00:19:51,024 --> 00:19:59,697
♪♪
482
00:19:59,699 --> 00:20:01,499
It's delicious, Franny.
483
00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:05,903
♪♪
484
00:20:05,905 --> 00:20:08,640
- [BODY THUDS]
- [DISSONANT NOTES PLAY]
485
00:20:08,642 --> 00:20:10,775
Hey, I'm back, baby.
486
00:20:10,777 --> 00:20:13,511
No! Put it back in! Put it back in!
487
00:20:13,513 --> 00:20:15,080
[MANAGER SCREAMS]
488
00:20:16,783 --> 00:20:18,783
- [SCREAMING CONTINUES]
- [CUSTOMERS SHOUT INDISTINCTLY]
489
00:20:18,785 --> 00:20:21,986
Don't worry! I'll make you a monster!
490
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:24,255
Billy, get the van!
491
00:20:25,317 --> 00:20:28,793
Ah, it feels good
to have conquered this.
492
00:20:28,795 --> 00:20:30,862
I was letting my fear of failing
493
00:20:30,864 --> 00:20:32,864
make me a boring cook.
494
00:20:32,866 --> 00:20:34,532
[BEARS GROWL]
495
00:20:34,534 --> 00:20:35,867
[SCREAMS]
496
00:20:35,869 --> 00:20:37,669
No! Don't fight them.
497
00:20:38,444 --> 00:20:40,272
Feed them.
498
00:20:40,274 --> 00:20:41,806
[BEAR GROWLS]
499
00:20:41,808 --> 00:20:43,808
Hey, it's Francis.
500
00:20:43,810 --> 00:20:45,477
The smell of your soulful cooking
501
00:20:45,479 --> 00:20:47,145
lured him back, Francine.
502
00:20:47,147 --> 00:20:50,414
And I've hit my goal weight.
503
00:20:51,343 --> 00:20:53,751
Roger, your body's
gonna grow back, right?
504
00:20:53,753 --> 00:20:55,753
It always has before.
505
00:20:55,755 --> 00:20:58,490
Oh, God! What if it doesn't?!
506
00:20:58,492 --> 00:21:00,692
Have a good night!
507
00:21:02,108 --> 00:21:04,161
- synced and corrected by sot26 -
www.addic7ed.com
35603
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
