Original subtitles

"LOVE ALWAYS, I'LL NEVER FORGET--

DOUG PENHALL"

"LOVE ALWAYS, I'LL NEVER FORGET--

DOUG PENHALL."

CATCHY, HUH?

SUSAN ATKINSON.

HOW MANY ARE YOU SENDING OUT?

ABOUT 200.

TWO HUNDRED?

EVERY WOMAN I'VE EVER DATED.

WHY?

NEVER FAILS.

ONE OF THEM WHO HASN'T THOUGHT OF MY NAME IN FOUR YEARS

HAS JUST BROKEN UP WITH HER BOYFRIEND.

SHE'LL BE CHARMED, SHE'LL CALL ME.

AND THEN?

WE'LL BOTH GO OUT.

WE'LL BOTH BE DISAPPOINTED.

SEE? NEVER FAILS.

WHY BOTHER?

WHAT HAPPENED TO DOROTHY?

THIS THING WITH DOROTHY

HAS BEEN GOING ON SINCE WE WERE 14.

NEVER LASTS MORE THAN SIX MONTHS.

I GOT TO PLAN FOR THE FUTURE.

BUT YOU'RE GOING TO GET TOGETHER

FOR VALENTINE'S, RIGHT?

SHE'S WITH HER PARENTS THIS WEEK.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

GOING OUT WITH AMY?

WE HAD A LITTLE BIT OF A DISAGREEMENT.

I HATE VALENTINE'S DAY.

ENOUGH OF A DISAGREEMENT TO BLOW OFF

VALENTINE'S DAY?

THAT'S NOT A DISAGREEMENT.

THAT'S A MELTDOWN.

OR IS IT THAT YOU'RE TOO CHEAP

AND YOU BREAK UP BEFORE THE HOLIDAY

SO YOU WON'T HAVE TO BUY NO PRESENT?

NO, I HATE VALENTINE'S DAY.

IOK, GOT A DATE?

THERE'S THIS GIRL I JUST MET

BUT IT SEEMS TOO SERIOUS TO LEAP

INTO A VALENTINE'S DAY DATE.

SHE BLEW YOU OFF, HUH?

BASICALLY.

HEY.

Ioki: YOU SPENDING THE NIGHT ALONE, TOO, JUDE?

I THREW THIS ON TO GO TO THE GYM.

DON'T MAKE A BIG DEAL OF IT.

I'M JUST GOING TO DINNER.

THAT DRESS MAKES IT A BIG DEAL.

WHO IS HE?

NOBODY SPECIAL.

ASSISTANT D.A. LAMAR, OKAY?

OOOH. OOOH. OOOH.

IT'S JUST DINNER.

ON VALENTINE'S DAY.

ON A SCHOOL NIGHT.

I'LL BE HOME EARLY, DADDY.

HOW COME SHE HAS A DATE

AND WE DON'T?

Hanson: IT'S THE DRESS.

( whistles )

MAYBE SHE'LL LET YOU BORROW IT.

WHY ARE YOU SO HAPPY?

IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY.

FOR ONCE I REMEMBERED

TO SEND FLOWERS AND CANDY TO MY WIFE.

YOU GOING HOME FOR A HOME-COOKED MEAL?

YOU KIDDING ME?

I JUST BOUGHT MYSELF AN EXCUSE FOR NOT COMING HOME

FOR AT LEAST THE NEXT FIVE HOURS.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO DO?

IF I HAD A SEVEN, EIGHT...

TEN, JACK SHOWING

AND RAISED 20

WOULD YOU MATCH ME?

YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT THE MANLY ART OF POKER

ON VALENTINE'S DAY.

DID SOMEBODY SAY POKER?

I PLAYED POKER ONCE.

NIGHT, GUYS.

CAPTAIN.

YOU GOT A DATE?

YOU ARE ASKING MOI, ADAM FULLER

IF I HAVE A DATE ON VALENTINE'S DAY, HARRY?

THAT'S RIGHT.

( laughs )

NO.

IF BLOWFISH RAISED $20

ON A POSSIBLE INSIDE STRAIGHT

WOULD YOU MATCH HIM?

DEPENDS.

WHAT'S WILD?

HAS HE BLUFFED BEFORE?

HAS HE HAD MUCH TO DRINK?

WHAT'S HIS BANK LIKE?

HAS HE BEEN LOSING

THE REST OF THE NIGHT?

GENTLEMEN

ANTE UP.

( whooping )

♪ WE NEVER THOUGHT OF FINDING ♪

♪ THE PLACE WHERE WE BELONG ♪

♪ DON'T HAVE TO STAND ALONE ♪

♪ WE'LL NEVER LET YOU FALL ♪

♪ DON'T NEED PERMISSION ♪

♪ TO DECIDE WHAT YOU BELIEVE ♪

♪ WHOO! ♪

♪ I SAID JUMP! ♪

♪ DOWN ON JUMP STREET ♪

♪ I SAID JUMP! ♪

♪ DOWN ON JUMP STREET ♪

♪ YOUR FRIENDS WILL BE THERE ♪

♪ WHEN YOUR BACK IS TO THE WALL ♪

♪ YOU'LL FIND YOU NEED US ♪

♪ 'CAUSE THERE'S NO ONE ELSE TO CALL ♪

♪ WHEN IT LOOKS HOPELESS ♪

♪ A DECISION'S WHAT YOU NEED ♪

♪ YOU BETTER BE READY TO ♪

♪ BE READY TO ♪

♪ JUMP! ♪

♪ 21 JUMP STREET! ♪

SEVEN CARD HIGH-LOW WITH A DECLARATION, GENTLEMEN.

I'M NOT SURE I FOLLOW THIS.

WE TOLD YOU WE'RE NOT BUYING

THE "I NEVER PLAYED POKER" ROUTINE.

OKAY, I RAISE.

YOU CAN'T RAISE UNTIL I DEAL.

I LIKE BLIND RAISES.

WE MAY HAVE A COMPULSIVE GAMBLER HERE.

OPEN FOR A DOLLAR.

TWO COMPULSIVE GAMBLERS.

I RAISE.

THERE YOU GO.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO LOOK AT YOUR CARDS FIRST.

YOU DIDN'T.

I'M A COMPULSIVE GAMBLER.

THIS IS PITIFUL.

FIVE GUYS ON VALENTINE'S

AND NOT ONE OF US HAS A DATE.

I ALMOST HAD A DATE.

YOU ALMOST HAD A BRUTAL FIGHT.

SAME THING.

I CALL.

CALL.

( laughs )

I JUST REMEMBERED THE DATE I HAD ONCE ON VALENTINE'S DAY--

THE WORST DATE OF MY LIFE.

I TOOK THIS GIRL, JANET BROWN, TO THE MOVIES.

IT RAINED.

IT WAS A DRIVE-IN.

HAD A CONVERTIBLE.

THE TOP WOULDN'T GO UP AND THE MOVIE

WAS TORA, TORA, TORA.

THEN THE CAR GOT STOLEN AND IT WASN'T EVEN MY CAR.

I BORROWED THE THING.

I'VE HAD WORSE DATES.

SO HAVE I.

IT'S UP TO THE PAIR.

CAN I RAISE?

GOOD ACTING JOB, HARRY.

HE BETS A DOLLAR.

RAISE A BUCK.

WHOA.

Blowfish: CALL.

I HAD THE WORSE DATE EVER.

IT CHANGED MY LIFE FOREVER.

IN. COME ON, FOREVER?

FOREVER.

GET OUT OF HERE.

Both: THROW IN A CHIP, HARRY.

POKE, POKE, YOU OWE ME A COKE.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE BORN MARRIED.

JUST ABOUT.

NO HELP...

TRIPS...

WHY YOU IN?

VERY NICE LOW.

I STILL HAVEN'T RECOVERED.

I WAS 16, HAD THIS THING PLANNED FOR MONTHS.

SEE, ROSA D'ANGELO PROMISED

THAT ON HER 16th BIRTHDAY, WE'D GO ALL THE WAY.

Penhall: POOR ROSA D'ANGELO.

NO, POOR SAL BANDUCCI.

( "Chances Are" sung by Johnny Mathis )

Blowfish: THE MASTER WAS AT WORK MAKING THE FINAL PREPARATIONS.

HER FATHER WAS BOWLING, HER MOTHER WAS IN PHILADELPHIA.

Rosa: SAL?

I CAN'T SEE A THING.

Penhall: I BET YOUR WIFE WAS GORGEOUS THEN.

Blowfish: NO WAY. THIS IS A TRUE STORY.

ROSA, I LOVE YOU.

I REALLY DO

AND I'LL RESPECT YOU IN THE MORNING.

DO YOU RESPECT ME NOW?

HEY! ARE WE GONNA TELL STORIES OR ARE WE GONNA PLAY CARDS?

GOOD POKER FACE, HARRY.

Penhall: WAS SHE REALLY INTO IT, SAL?

Blowfish: SHE WAS CRAZY FOR ME.

YOU KNOW, IF HE CATCHES US

WE'RE GOING TO HAVE TO GET MARRIED.

JESUS?

MY FATHER.

GEEZ.

ROSA...

HE WON'T CATCH US.

HE'S BOWLING.

NOTHING GETS IN THE WAY OF HIS BOWLING.

COME ON.

COME BACK HERE.

THAT'S BETTER.

WHAT IF HE COMES BACK EARLY?

HE'S NOT GOING TO COME BACK EARLY.

I WANT SOMETHING TO DRINK.

DO YOU WANT A DRINK?

NO, THANK YOU.

Blowfish: AT THIS POINT

I HAD TO START WORKING FASTER.

I DIDN'T WANT TO RUN OUT OF TIME.

ACTUALLY, I KNEW EXACTLY WHEN MR. D'ANGELO WAS COMING HOME.

SEE, I HAD HARVEY MESSING--

MY MAN ON THE INSIDE.

YEAH.

NO, LOOK, I GOT HIM IN MY SIGHT, SAL.

YOU'RE GOLDEN.

( triumphant yell )

TUNNEL OF STRIKES.

TUNNEL OF STRIKES.

I BELIEVE THAT TIES IT UP.

WHAT SAY WE DOUBLE IT UP FOR THIS LAST GAME?

YOU GOT IT.

WHOA, GREAT NEWS.

THEY'RE UPPING THE STAKES.

TEN MORE FRAMES.

THAT'S 40 MINUTES OF SERIOUS BOWLING.

Rosa: SALLIE.

WHO WAS THAT?

OH, NOBODY.

NOBODY CALLED?

NO, NO, COME. SIT DOWN.

THAT'S BETTER.

Penhall: THIS SOUNDS LIKE YOUR BESTDATE.

Fuller: EXCEPT IT'S WITH YOUR WIFE.

Blowfish: IT WOULD HAVE BEEN, EXCEPT FOR MESSING.

MESSING.

GUY LOST HIS COOKIES IN THE CAN.

GRAB YOUR MOP.

MESSING.

OW!

YOU...

YOU DID THAT ON PURPOSE.

IT SLIPPED. GIVE ME A BREAK.

Blowfish: "LOU THE HOUSE"

WAS NOT A GUY YOU WANTED TO MESS WITH.

HE WAS BIG-- HAD HIS OWN ZIP CODE.

BUT IF A GUY

CAN'T FINISH A MATCH HIS TEAM LOSES.

WE AIN'T FORFEITING.

YOU CHEAP BUM.

PLAY BY THE RULES.

WHO YOU CALLING CHEAP?

Blowfish: HE WAS CHEAP.

HE ONCE TOSSED A QUATER INTO A TOLL AND MISSED.

HE LEANED OUT AND FORGOT HE HAD A SEATBELT ON AND GOT A HERNIA.

Blowfish: BY THIS TIME

I REALLY HAD TO START MOVING FASTER.

SOMEBODY'S HERE.

NOBODY'S HERE.

I HEARD A CAR.

THERE'S NO CAR.

( car door slams )

YEAH? NOBODY JUST OPENED THE GARAGE DOOR.

Rosa: THERE'S NO ROOM. THERE'S NO ROOM.

SAL, I REALLY THINK YOU SHOULD GO HOME NOW.

Penhall: I'M STARTING TO LIKE THIS STORY.

THERE'S GREAT POTENTIAL FOR TRAGEDY HERE.

DAMN KIDS LEAVING CLOTHES ALL OVER THE DAMN PLACE.

ROSA.

ROSA.

Blowfish: I WAS A DEAD MAN.

ROSA.

( moans )

HI, MR. D'ANGELO.

JUST CALL ME... DAD.

( all laughing )

HE HAD A BROTHER WHO WAS A PRIEST.

SO WE GOT MARRIED THE NEXT DAY AT 9:00 A.M.

BIG LOU WAS NOT TAKING ANY CHANCES.

GENTLEMEN, MY ENTIRE WEDDING ALBUM.

WHAT'S IRONIC IS THAT WE NEVER DID ANYTHING.

MY WIFE WAS A VIRGIN ON OUR WEDDING NIGHT.

OKAY, GUYS... LOOK.

I'M NOT SURE I UNDERSTAND THIS IDEA OF A WILD CARD THING.

DOESN'T MATTER HARRY, YOU'RE WINNING.

HARRY, LOOK ME IN THE EYE AND TELL ME YOU HAVE NEVER PLAYED POKER BEFORE.

JUST ONCE, MAYBE TWICE.

UH, SEVENS AND TENS ARE THE... WILD THING.

SEVENS AND TENS.

OKAY, TENS AND THE GUYS WITH THE ONE EYE.

Penhall: I DATED A GIRL WITH ONE EYE ONCE.

SHE HAD TWO EYES

BUT HAD AN EYE PATCH OVER ONE.

I THINK IT WAS FOR THAT ONE DATE.

PENHALL, GIVE ME A BREAK.

SHE TIED ME TO THE MAST OF HER FATHER'S SAILBOAT.

KEPT ME THERE FOR THREE DAYS.

IT WAS THE BEST WEEKEND OF MY LIFE.

ADMIT IT, PENHALL.

YOU'VE HAD AT LEAST ONE BAD DATE.

OKAY, MAYBE ONCE.

MARY LOU AND BETTY SUE FITZGERALD.

SISTERS?

IDENTICAL TWINS AND I'M TALKING CUTE.

I WAS MADLY IN LOVE

OR AT LEAST FILLED WITH LUST.

WHICH ONE?

FILLED WITH LUST.

WHICH SISTER?

THEY WERE IDENTICAL TWINS, MAN.

IT DIDN'T MATTER.

PENHALL, YOU ARE A DOG.

HEY, MAN, I WANTED TO GO OUT WITH THESE GIRLS LIKE FOREVER.

I DIDN'T CARE WHICH, EITHER.

SO I RUN INTO ONE, RIGHT?

UH, BETTY LOU...

Hanson: BETTY SUE.

BETTY SUE... AT THE SUPERMARKET.

I ASK HER OUT TO DINNER, SHE SAYS YES.

THEN I CALL HER UP: "ARE WE STILL ON FOR TONIGHT?

9:00 AT THE TIKI ROOM."

THE VOICE SOUNDED EXACTLY THE SAME.

I DIDN'T REALIZE IT WAS

THE OTHER ONE WHO ANSWERED AND AGREED TO GO OUT.

I DIDN'T FIND OUT UNTIL IT WAS TOO LATE.

Penhall: WE WENT TO ONE OF THOSE TAHITIAN PLACES

WHERE THEY'VE GOT THE DRINKS WITH THE UMBRELLAS IN THEM--

WITH FRUIT MIX AND ALL THAT.

TWO OF THOSE AND YOU EITHER GOT DRUNK OR SICK OR BOTH.

SO.

SO.

THAT'S A... NICE DRESS.

THANKS.

THIS... THIS RESTAURANT... IS NICE, ISN'T IT?

Hanson: WHOSE NIGHTMARE IS THIS, HERS OR YOURS?

Penhall: I WAS NERVOUS.

Hanson: YOU WERE BORING.

SO HOW'S THE AUTO RENTAL BUSINESS BEEN?

IT'S MADE ME UNDERSTAND

THAT THERE ARE ONLY TWO WAYS TO LIVE YOUR LIFE.

WEEKLY OR BY THE MILE.

THAT'S FUNNY.

YOU WANT TO HEAR WHAT OUR SPECIALS ARE?

Betty Sue: WHY DON'T YOU BRING US

ANYTHING THAT COMES ON FIRE?

Waiter: ARE YOU KIDDING?

MOST OF WHAT WE SERVE COMES SURROUNDED BY A BED OF FLAME.

I'LL BRING MENUS.

IS THIS PLACE GREAT OR WHAT?

WILL YOU EXCUSE ME A SECOND?

Blowfish: GREAT STORY.

SO FAR YOU CAN'T MAKE CONVERSATION

AND YOU GOT TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

Penhall: THAT'S WHAT DID ME IN.

I SHOULD HAVE GONE BEFORE I LEFT THE HOUSE.

Woman: DOUG.

OH, DOUG.

WAKE UP, PENHALL.

I WAS BEGINNING TO THINK YOU WOULDN'T SHOW.

WOULDN'T SHOW?

WELL, YOU'RE A LITTLE LATE.

Penhall: THEN IT HIT ME.

THE WOMAN I LEFT IN THE DINING ROOM

AND THE WOMAN IN THE BAR WERE IDENTICAL.

SUDDENLY I REALIZED THEY WERE BOTH MY DATES.

DID I CALL YOU AND ASK YOU OUT?

YEAH, OF COURSE.

AND I ACCEPTED.

THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE.

I DIDN'T RUN INTO YOU AT THE SUPERMARKET?

NO, WHY?

NOTHING.

ARE YOU GOING TO SIT OR SHALL WE GO EAT?

Penhall: FOR A MOMENT, I THOUGHT ABOUT COMING CLEAN.

I'VE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS FOR A LONG TIME.

YOU KNOW THOSE GUYS, DEVIL AND ANGEL

WHO APPEAR ON YOUR SHOULDER RIGHT ABOUT NOW?

HE WON.

ME, TOO.

I'VE ALWAYS THOUGHT OF YOU AS BEING VERY SPECIAL.

WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.

THAT WAS STUPID.

AND GREEDY.

AND STUPID.

Hanson: I THOUGHT YOU

ONLY WANTED ONE OF THEM.

Penhall: I DO, DID... THIS WAY I COULD DOUBLE MY ODDS.

PENHALL, YOU ARE A DOG.

HEY, WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN YOU HAVE 3 OF ONE KIND AND 2 OF THE OTHER.

FULL HOUSE.

HA, HA. FOUR KINGS.

YOUR FULL HOUSE IS TENS OVER JACKS.

IS THAT BAD?

TENS AND ONE EYED JACKS ARE WILD. YOU HAVE FIVE ACES.

I STILL THINK WE'RE BEING CONNED HERE.

Hanson: PENHALL, YOU'RE A PIG.

YOUR DATE'S IN THE OTHER ROOM.

Penhall: I KNOW, BUT WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT

WHICH ONE DID I ASK OUT?

Fuller: DOG.

GOSH, LOOK AT THE TIME.

I HAVE THIS VERY IMPORTANT PHONE CALL

I WAS SUPPOSED TO MAKE FIVE MINUTES AGO.

WILL YOU BE RIGHT HERE?

YEAH, I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE.

I'M WITH YOU.

RIGHT.

Waiter: TWINS.

YOU'RE REALLY GOING AFTER A PAIR OF TWINS.

I SWEAR I READ ABOUT THIS IN FORUM ONCE.

LOOK, I'M A GUY, YOU'RE A GUY.

I'M PROUD OF WHAT YOU'RE TRYING TO DO.

I'LL HELP YOU IF I CAN.

BUT IF I DON'T SEE IT IN THE TIP

I'D FEEL IT WAS MY DUTY TO EXPLAIN

TO THOSE FINE WOMEN WHAT YOU'RE UP TO.

20 PERCENT AND THEIR PHONE NUMBER.

GO FOR IT.

Hanson: I GOT IT. THE WAITER IS THE DEVIL.

HE WAS THE LITTLE GUY WISPERING IN YOUR EAR.

NO!

ARE YOU SURE?

YES I'M SURE.

JUST A GUESS, GO ON.

I'M TRYING TO TELL A STORY HERE.

SORRY.

OKAY, SO THEN SHE SAYS "I WAS BEGINNING TO WORRY ABOUT YOU."

I STOPPED TO TALK TO A GUY I KNOW AT THE BAR.

WHY NOT HAVE HIM JOIN US?

HE'S SHY.

YOU MET SOME WOMAN AT THE BAR.

YOU'RE AFRAID TO ADMIT IT.

FESS UP.

OKAY, YEAH. I DID.

BUT SHE'S NOTHING.

YOU'RE SPECIAL AND I'M WITH YOU.

Penhall: THE GIRL IN THE BAR

WAS NOT MY TYPE.

YEAH?

MAYBE I'M NOT HERE WITH YOU.

MAYBE I'M NOT THAT SPECIAL.

MAYBE I'M MARY LOU.

I'M JUST KIDDING.

IT'S A TWIN JOKE.

Penhall: AFTER THIS, THE DATE GOES FABULOUSLY.

I'M TELLING HER STORIES

ABOUT DANGEROUS SHOOT-OUTS AND DRUG BUYS.

SHE'S TELLING ME ABOUT CORPORATE RATES AND LEASING.

Blowfish: I BET YOU WERE SO NERVOUS YOU TWITCHED.

Penhall: WOULDN'T YOU BE?

I HAD THE CHANCE OF A LIFETIME IN THE PALM OF MY HANDS.

SIR, YOUR LIGHTS ARE ON.

YOUR LIGHTS?

ON YOUR CAR.

I HAVE A MOTORCYCLE.

THAT'S WHAT I MEANT.

THE ONE AT THE BAR

JUST WENT TO CHECK THE PHONES.

WHERE ARE THE PHONES?

BY THE MEN'S ROOM.

I WAS GOING TO MY CAR

TO GET SOME CHANGE FOR THE PHONES.

LONG DISTANCE.

WHY DON'T WE GO OUT TO YOUR CAR AND LEAVE, DOUGLAS?

Penhall: THE THING IS I CAN'T GET OUT WITH MARY LOU

WHO'S IN THE BAR

BECAUSE WE'D HAVE TO GET BY BETTY SUE

WHO'S IN THE DINING ROOM.

I CAN'T GET BY MARY LOU TO GET TO BETTY SUE.

THOSE LEGS... THOSE... THOSE EVERYTHING ELSES.

I KNEW I'D NEVER MAKE IT BY HER.

Blowfish: THE SAME THING IS IN THE DINING ROOM?

Penhall: I COULDN'T TAKE THE PRESSURE.

Blowfish: YOU WIMPED OUT.

Penhall: I WAS SURROUNDED AND DECIDED TO GO

ON A FULL RETREAT.

DINNER IS SERVED.

Penhall: MY ESCAPE ATTEMPT FAILED.

I WAS TRAPPED LIKE A RAT.

I DON'T EVEN WANT TO ASK.

Penhall: I HAD TO RIDE THIS NIGHTMARE OUT.

Blowfish: NIGHTMARE? YOU WERE WITH TWINS.

BETTY SUE?

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE GET THIS FOOD TO GO?

IF WE GET HUNGRY

WE CAN LIGHT IT BACK ON FIRE.

JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE.

I WANT TO FRESHEN UP.

FRIEND, PUT OUT THOSE FLAMES AND BOX THAT FOOD.

WE'RE OUT OF HERE.

WHAT ABOUT THE ONE IN THE BAR?

YOU'RE NOT QUITTING, ARE YOU?

SHE'S ALREADY TURNED DOWN THREE GUYS.

OH, WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR TIE?

IT WAS LIKE THIS.

AH.

YOU KNOW THOSE HORROR MOVIES WHERE YOU'RE ALWAYS SHOUTING

"DON'T GO DOWN TO THE BASEMENT?

"DON'T LOOK IN THE ATTIC?

DON'T LOOK UNDER THE BED?"

DON'T GO IN THE BAR, PENHALL.

Penhall: SUDDENLY, THE BALL GAME WAS OVER.

I GOT CAUGHT AND IT WAS OVERTIME, BUT I LOST.

THERE I WAS, CAUGHT RED-HANDED.

THERE WAS NO HOPE OF GETTING OUT ALIVE.

THEN I REALIZED IT WAS ALL A SETUP.

THEY BOTH TOOK ME HOME.

I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT.

THEY WEREN'T MAD.

THEY WERE EXCITED.

THIS KIND OF THING TURNED THEM ON.

THEY DECIDED TO TEACH ME A LESSON.

SO THE TWO OF THEM TOOK ME HOME.

AND TAUGHT ME A LESSON...

OVER AND OVER.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

I LEARNED SO MANY LESSONS THAT NIGHT

I DESERVE AN HONORARY DEGREE FROM DR. RUTH.

YOU CALL THIS A BAD DATE?

YEAH, THEY LIED TO ME.

THEY LIED TO YOU.

THIS WAS A BAD DATE

BECAUSE THESE TWO WOMEN

WHO WERE TWINS WHO TOOK YOU HOME

LIED TO YOU?

MM-HMM, AND THERE'S ONE MORE THING.

MORE?

WHAT ELSE COULD THERE BE?

AFTER ALL THIS, THERE'S MORE?

I MADE IT UP.

IT'S NOT TRUE.

I NEVER HAD A BAD DATE.

I'LL KILL YOU.

YOU GET FIVE CARDS.

PASS ONE LEFT, TWO RIGHT.

GUY ON THE RIGHT GETS TO CHOOSE THE CARDS

BUT DOESN'T GET TO LOOK.

WHO DOESN'T GET TO LOOK?

GUY ON THE RIGHT.

THE GUY WHO TOOK TWO CARDS?

JUST REACH OUT AND GRAB TWO CARDS.

I LEARNED THIS GAME AT CAMP WONKAMANITOBA.

I BELIEVE THAT.

CAPTAIN?

WAY BACK, THEY WASN'T LETTING BLACKS INTO WONKAMANITOBA.

TAKE TWO CARDS.

Blowfish: COME ON, HANSON.

TELL US ABOUT THE WORST DATE OF YOUR LIFE.

I'M HERE TO PLAY CARDS, NOT TELL A STORY.

HOW ABOUT YOU?

I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER HAD A BAD DATE.

ALL RIGHT. YEAH, I GUESS I DID.

ACTUALLY, I HAD THE WORST, WORST DATE OF MY LIFE.

IT BROKE UP MY MARRIAGE.

THAT'S A CLUE.

HE WAS MARRIED AND DATING.

WELL, IT WASN'T EXACTLY A DATE.

BUT IT ENDED UP LIKE A DATE.

AND IT WAS A MISTAKE.

THIS WAS WAY BACK, WHEN I WAS A PATROLMAN.

Hanson: HOW FAR BACK?

Fuller: WAY BACK.

Hanson: NOT BACK TO THE TIME WHEN YOU WORE STUPID SIDEBURNS

AND BELL BOTTOMS?

WHAT IS SO FUNNY?

( laughter continues )

ARE YOU DONE, GENTLEMEN?

I WAS YOUNG.

I DIDN'T KNOW BETTER.

BESIDES, IT WAS REGULATION.

NOT THAT MUSTACHE.

I HAD BEEN ASSIGNED THIS WOMAN PARTNER.

SHE WAS ONE OF THE FIRST ON THE FORCE.

LYNETTE JOHNSON.

QUIET ENOUGH FOR YOU, FULLER?

THINK THEY PUT US OUT HERE

TO KEEP ME SAFE?

THEY PUT A WOMAN ON THE FORCE

AND YOU WANT SPECIAL TREATMENT BECAUSE YOU'RE A MINORITY?

YEAH, I'D LIKE TO BE PUT IN DANGER

BY SOMETHING OTHER THAN YOUR DRIVING.

LYNETTE WAS LIKABLE.

I LIKED HER.

IT WAS THE SEXUAL REVOLUTION.

SHE WAS COMING ON TO ME.

NOT ALL THE TIME.

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.

IT WASN'T LIKE MY FATHER EVER TAUGHT ME TO RESIST WOMEN.

I WASN'T PREPARED TO FEND HER OFF.

SHE WAS ALSO DRIVING MY WIFE CRAZY.

NOW, PASS ONE TO THE LEFT.

YOU GET TO CHOOSE.

PASS TWO TO THE RIGHT.

SOUNDS LIKE SHE HAD REASON FOR BEING CRAZY.

NOT AT FIRST.

SOMETIMES YOU SPEND MORE TIME WITH YOUR PARTNER

THAN YOU DO YOUR WIFE.

AND IN THIS CASE, MY PARTNER HAPPENED TO BE

A VERY ATTRACTIVE WOMAN.

ANY REASON FOR HER TO BE JEALOUS?

NO.

WELL, NOT THEN.

YOU GUYS STOP AFTER WORK SOMETIMES, RIGHT?

HAVE A DRINK WITH YOUR PARTNER.

OR GET A MEAL.

NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT.

DINNER SOMETIME?

SURE.

WE BELIEVE YOU.

ANYWAY, THEY PUT US IN THE NORWICH DISTRICT.

IT WAS INCREDIBLY BORING.

DAYS WENT BY WITHOUT A CALL.

AND ALTHOUGH EVERYONE WAS VERY LIBERAL THEN

THEY WERE AFRAID TO PUT A WOMAN IN A DANGEROUS SITUATION.

SO WE WERE BABY-SITTING AN AREA WHERE NOTHING EVER HAPPENED.

I'D BEEN MARRIED FOR ALMOST SEVEN YEARS

AND THINGS WEREN'T GOING TOO WELL.

AND, WELL...

I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S NOT MY BUSINESS

BUT WHY DO YOU STAY MARRIED TO HER

IF YOU'RE THIS UNHAPPY ABOUT IT?

MY SON.

THAT'S NOT A GOOD REASON.

UNHAPPY MARRIAGE IS NO PLACE

TO BRING UP A CHILD.

I SHOULD KNOW.

WE SHOULD GO SEE A MOVIE SOMETIME.

COME ON.

YOU, ME, ALONE IN THE DARK.

YOU'D LIKE IT.

OH, I DON'T KNOW.

I'VE BEEN IN THE DARK BEFORE.

OH, THANK YOU.

Penhall: YOU IN OR OUT?

WHAT?

COSTS $10 TO STAY IN THE GAME.

OH.

I BET FOR THE GUY

ON MY LEFT?

NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

OH.

NEW DEAL.

FIVE CARD DRAW.

NO WEIRDNESS.

SO YOU WERE SAYING...?

OH, YEAH, WELL...

IT WAS A SLOW NIGHT.

NOTHING WAS GOING ON.

WE COULDN'T EVEN GET A DECENT RADIO STATION.

LYNETTE FINALLY LAID IT ON THE LINE.

"WHY DON'T WE TAKE A LONG COFFEE BREAK?"

Guys: YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING!

Fuller: IT WAS THE HEIGHT OF THE SEXUAL REVOLUTION.

YOU WERE ON DUTY.

HEY, I'M HUMAN.

IT HAPPENS.

I THOUGHT YOUR WIFE HAD NO REASON TO BE CRAZY.

SHE WAS CRAZY BEFORE THERE WAS A REASON.

WELL, NOW THERE WAS A REASON.

SO WAS IT WORTH IT?

I WAS TERRIFIED.

I'M NOT THAT KIND OF GUY.

IT WAS A LOT WORSE THAN THAT.

FOR THE FIRST TIME IN DAMN NEAR EVER

SOME CRIMINAL GOT LOST, WANDERED INTO NORWICH

AND COMMITTED A 417.

NOTHING EVER HAPPENED IN OUR DISTRICT.

Do you read, 94?

WE MISSED THE CALL.

AND WE WEREN'T OFF THE CLOCK.

WHAT HAPPENED?

WE WEREN'T EVEN AWARE THE CALL EXISTED.

WE CAME BACK OUT AFTER IT ALL, AND...

WE WERE BROUGHT UP BEFORE A REVIEW BOARD.

THERE WAS AN INVESTIGATION.

I TESTIFIED WHERE WE WERE.

I WAS A POLICE OFFICER.

I WAS SWORN IN. I TOLD THE TRUTH.

I TESTIFIED EXACTLY AS TO WHERE I WAS

WHO I WAS WITH, AND WHAT I WAS DOING

AT THE TIME OF THE CALL

AND WHY I HADN'T RESPONDED TO MY DUTY

AS A POLICE OFFICER.

KA-BOOM.

IT ENDED MY MARRIAGE.

HOW DID YOUR WIFE KNOW?

THE CHECKS WERE GOING TO STOP FOR SIX MONTHS.

I HAD TO TELL HER.

I CAME HOME AFTER ONE SHIFT ABOUT A WEEK LATER

AND FOUND EVERYTHING I OWNED STACKED OUTSIDE.

I THREW AWAY 61/2 YEARS OF A RELATIVELY GOOD MARRIAGE.

WE HAVEN'T TALKED SINCE.

I CALL.

HEY, NOBODY DIED.

MY WIFE REMARRIED, OKAY?

SO CHEER UP.

GENTLEMEN, WE'RE PLAYING POKER IN A CHURCH.

WE'RE GOING TO BURN FOR THIS.

SO WHO'S IN?

I'LL MATCH YOU, SAL...

AND RAISE YOU FIVE.

CALL.

Penhall: MR. FULLER, TWO PAIR.

Blowfish: I THOUGHT YOU WERE BLUFFING.

I THOUGHT I WAS BLUFFING.

YOU COULD SEE MY CARD.

COULD WE GO BACK TO 5-CARD DRAW?

All right, this is a raid.

GENTLEMEN, YOU SEEM TO BE INVOLVED

IN ILLEGAL GAMBLING

ON POLICE PREMISES.

THERE'S ONLY ONE OF YOU, COPPER

AND FIVE OF US.

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO?

JOIN IN THE NEXT HAND.

ALL RIGHT.

Hanson: WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR HOT DATE?

IT WASN'T SO HOT.

IT ENDED.

Penhall: HE LET YOU GET AWAY...

WEARING THAT DRESS?

HE DIDN'T LET ME GET AWAY.

I ESCAPED.

BUT THAT WAS MUCH LATER.

FIRST OFF, THE GUY WAS LATE.

THEN I HAD FORGOTTEN ABOUT THE BOW TIES.

Penhall: HE WEARS BOW TIES?

Hoffs: HEY, THAT'S THE LEAST OF HIS PROBLEMS.

SORRY, JUDY.

THINGS GOT TIED UP.

YOU KNOW HOW IT IS.

JUDGE BRINKER DECIDED TO HEAR ONE MORE CASE

BEFORE THE END OF THE DAY.

HALF OF THE WITNESSES HAD GONE HOME.

YEAH, I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

WELL, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

YEAH, IT'S REALLY GOOD TO SEE YOU.

I'VE BEEN HOPING TO SEE YOU FOR A LONG TIME.

WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW.

THAT'S REAL SWEET.

YEAH, I'VE SEEN YOU IN COURT

AND EVERYTHING...

I ASK PEOPLE ABOUT YOU.

SO, THIS IS LIKE OUR SECOND DATE, HUH?

IF YOU COUNT THE SANDWICH

FROM THE COURTHOUSE VENDING MACHINE A DATE.

I DO.

SO, HAVE YOU EVER BEEN HERE BEFORE?

NO, BUT I'VE HAD SUSHI BEFORE.

BUT YOU'VE NEVER BEEN HERE BEFORE?

NO.

THIS PLACE IS KIND OF A SPECIAL PLACE.

OH, YEAH?

OH, YEAH.

COME ON.

I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

IT'S NOT LIKE OTHER SUSHI BARS.

I MEAN, I LOVE THIS PLACE.

YOU HAVE A HARD DAY AT WORK.

YOU SPEND ALL THIS TIME REPRESSED AND ANGRY

AND THEN YOU CAN COME HERE.

FOR SUSHI?

FOR COMPLETE RELEASE.

I LOVE THIS PLACE.

AND... I THINK I LOVE YOU.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

All: NO.

HANSON, IT'S YOUR TURN.

IF YOU DON'T TELL YOUR STORY

I'LL SIT ON YOU.

OKAY.

IT WAS THE VALENTINE'S DAY DANCE.

I WAS 16 YEARS OLD.

DIANE THOMPSON HAD AGREED TO GO WITH ME.

YOU LOOK LOVELY, DIANE.

THANK YOU, MR. HANSON.

READY TO ROLL?

SURE, DAD.

Penhall: YOU TOOK YOUR DATE

TO A VALENTINE'S DAY DANCE IN A SQUAD CAR?

HOW ROMANTIC.

Hanson: YEAH, I DID.

MIDNIGHT, SPORT?

COME ON, DAD, WE TALKED ABOUT THIS.

1:30?

OKAY. 1:30.

ONLY BECAUSE I TRUST DIANE.

THANKS, MR. HANSON.

( Bee Gee's "Night Fever" )

THANKS, DAD.

EXCUSE ME.

YOU WON'T BRING CHARLIE, WILL YOU?

SURE. HE'D LOVE TO SEE YOUR TUX.

I'M KIDDING.

I'LL DROP HIM SOMEWHERE.

THANKS, DAD. HAVE A GOOD TIME.

THANKS.

YOUR DAD SEEMS REALLY NICE.

SO WHAT DOES HE DO?

OH, GEEZ, I'M SORRY.

MUST HAVE DOZED OFF.

FORGET IT.

I WAS JUST KIDDING.

LOOK, YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOUR STORY.

NO, I WANT TO TELL IT.

YOU KNOW SOMETHING, CHARLIE?

I CAN'T BELIEVE TOMMY'S ALREADY 16.

BELIEVE IT. YOU'RE AN OLD MAN.

THANKS.

DOESN'T SEEM LIKE MORE THAN A WEEK AGO

THAT MARGARET AND I WERE DATING.

THAT WAS A WEEK AGO.

THAT DOESN'T COUNT.

THAT WAS OUR ANNIVERSARY.

TOMMY'S A GOOD KID.

( Joe Walsh playing "Rocky Mountain Way" )

WHERE ARE WE GOING?

COME ON.

WHERE WE GOING?

JUST COME ON.

WHAT ARE WE DOING HERE?

WHY DID YOU DO THAT?

IT'S VALENTINE'S DAY

AND I LIKE YOU.

WE'RE AT A DANCE.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO, DANCE?

I'M NOT MUCH OF A DANCER.

WHERE DID YOU LEARN HOW TO DO THAT?

DANCING SCHOOL.

ANYWAY, IT'S THE PROM.

I MAKE MY ENTRANCE IN A LIME-GREEN TUXEDO.

YEAH, SO?

YEAH, SO? IT'S 1957!

NOBODY'S GOT A LIME-GREEN TUXEDO.

I HAD IT MADE BECAUSE I'M THE MASTER OF CEREMONIES.

HOW DID YOU GET PICKED THAT?

I RIGGED THE VOTE.

HEY, FRANK, TWO CUPS.

I'VE GOT TO MAKE A PIT STOP.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

NOTHING.

SURE? YOU DON'T LOOK GOOD.

HAVE YOU BEEN EATING HERE?

( gunshot )

I DON'T KNOW WHY-- HE'S NEVER LATE.

I HAD A NICE TIME.

YOU WEREN'T SUCH A BAD DANCER.

YOU WEREN'T SUCH A BAD KISSER.

YEAH?

WE SHOULD DO IT AGAIN SOMETIME.

LET'S NOT WAIT TILL VALENTINE'S DAY.

OKEY-DOKEY.

FINALLY.

TOMMY, ARE YOU OKAY?

CHARLIE'S STILL ON PATROL.

MY FATHER NEVER MADE IT OUT OF THE EMERGENCY ROOM.

LOOK, I DEALT WITH ALL THIS A LONG TIME AGO.

CHARLIE ROSEMONT SAT ME DOWN-- HE TOLD ME WHAT HAPPENED.

I'M PROUD OF WHAT MY FATHER DID THAT NIGHT.

AND I'M PROUD TO TELL YOU ABOUT IT.

BUT...

IT STILL DOESN'T MEAN

I'VE GOT TO LIKE VALENTINE'S DAY.

NEW DEAL.

THAT'S NOT FAIR.

WHAT?

YOU HATE VALENTINE'S DAY

SO YOU PICKED A FIGHT WITH AMY ON PURPOSE.

NO.

YOU DID.

SHE'S PROBABLY STILL FEELING BAD.

THAT WAS HOURS AGO.

HANSON.

NEW DEAL.

ALL RIGHT.

HERE, CASH ME OUT, FISHMAN.

PUT IT IN THE SAFE, WILL YOU?

IT'S FOUR BUCKS.

GUYS, I KNOW IT'S OFFICIALLY AFTER VALENTINE'S DAY

BUT COULD I BUY YOU A DRINK?

ALL OF US?

YEAH.

I NEVER REFUSE A DRINK FROM A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN.

ACCORDING TO THE PENHALL RULES OF DATING

IT'S NOT THE NEXT DAY

UNTIL THE SUN ACTUALLY RISES.

SO?

SO, IT'S STILL VALENTINE'S DAY

AND WE GOT DATES.

WELL, DATE.

OKAY, DATE.

LET'S NOT BE PICKY.

Blowfish and Ioki: YEAH.