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1
00:00:02,669 --> 00:00:05,213
(Tessa narrating)
With a few alterations
2
00:00:05,255 --> 00:00:07,590
Ryan Shay and I
were making it work.
3
00:00:07,632 --> 00:00:09,134
Who woulda thunk it?
4
00:00:09,175 --> 00:00:10,677
We made it through
three major holidays
5
00:00:10,719 --> 00:00:12,512
a tooth extraction
6
00:00:12,554 --> 00:00:14,514
and a Herpes scare that
turned out to be an ingrown.
7
00:00:14,556 --> 00:00:16,307
We'd gotten through
it all expertly
8
00:00:16,349 --> 00:00:19,894
which made me something
of a relationship expert.
9
00:00:19,936 --> 00:00:22,272
It's just, I see the way
Ryan looks at you.
10
00:00:22,313 --> 00:00:23,898
Mikey doesn't
look at me that way.
11
00:00:23,940 --> 00:00:26,860
The right guy, he's out
there, Justine. Okay?
12
00:00:26,901 --> 00:00:31,448
And if you ask me,
it's Todd from Pre-Cal.
13
00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:34,367
Once he gets his headgear off,
he's gonna be a stone cold fox.
14
00:00:34,409 --> 00:00:36,369
Thanks for stopping by. Next!
15
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:39,664
[instrumental music]
16
00:00:41,291 --> 00:00:42,792
Let me guess.
17
00:00:42,834 --> 00:00:45,462
Boys can't see past the chair.
Am I right?
18
00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:47,505
Have you thought about
19
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:49,716
decorating the wheels in
an eye-catching fashion?
20
00:00:49,758 --> 00:00:51,342
I need to pee.
21
00:00:51,384 --> 00:00:53,094
Oh.
22
00:00:53,136 --> 00:00:55,680
Naomi aside,
everyone else seemed to agree
23
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,432
that when it came to
relationships
24
00:00:57,474 --> 00:01:01,561
"Ask Tessa" was the go-to girl.
25
00:01:01,603 --> 00:01:02,979
I wouldn't.
26
00:01:03,021 --> 00:01:04,606
What?
27
00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:08,068
I wouldn't feed him out
of the palm of your hand.
28
00:01:08,109 --> 00:01:10,028
You're emasculating him, Lisa.
29
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:12,322
Sorry, don't you have your
own boyfriend to worry about?
30
00:01:12,363 --> 00:01:14,491
He's at an away game,
and I think you know that.
31
00:01:14,532 --> 00:01:17,869
Students, in preparation
for our new ravioli bar..
32
00:01:17,911 --> 00:01:19,245
We have a ravioli bar?!
33
00:01:19,287 --> 00:01:20,955
Not yet.
I said "in preparation".
34
00:01:20,997 --> 00:01:23,583
For the next several weeks,
Chef Alan will be training
35
00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:26,753
under a highly gay and
attractive raviologist..
36
00:01:26,795 --> 00:01:28,296
'...Chef Norman Neuman.'
37
00:01:28,338 --> 00:01:30,298
'I know what
you're thinking, and yes'
38
00:01:30,340 --> 00:01:33,927
he was chef Alan's first
homosexual lover.
39
00:01:36,846 --> 00:01:38,807
I'm gonna let that
sink in for a moment.
40
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:42,102
And now I'm going to ask
41
00:01:42,143 --> 00:01:44,395
that you welcome Norman
with open arms
42
00:01:44,437 --> 00:01:46,147
as Chef Alan used to.
43
00:01:46,189 --> 00:01:49,901
Uh-oh, looks like somebody's
relationship's gonna need
44
00:01:49,943 --> 00:01:53,321
a whole mess'a "Ask Tessa".
45
00:01:53,363 --> 00:01:55,323
(both)
No.
46
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,492
[theme music]
47
00:01:57,534 --> 00:02:02,497
♪ Last night
I had a pleasant night ♪
48
00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:05,333
♪ Da-da-da-da da da-da da ♪♪
49
00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,376
[upbeat music]
50
00:02:06,417 --> 00:02:08,378
I'll just grab a robe.
51
00:02:08,419 --> 00:02:10,004
Oh. You didn't get my message?
52
00:02:10,046 --> 00:02:11,673
Yves Clyde
is running a bit behind.
53
00:02:11,714 --> 00:02:12,799
We're gonna need to reschedule.
54
00:02:12,841 --> 00:02:14,467
Reschedule?
This is the third time
55
00:02:14,509 --> 00:02:16,094
y'all have canceled
on me this week.
56
00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:19,597
I am wearing multiple sunglasses
to hide my root situation
57
00:02:19,639 --> 00:02:20,807
but this can't persist!
58
00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:23,059
I am so sorry, Miss Royce.
59
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:27,605
Yves Clyde has a new client
who's proved very demanding.
60
00:02:27,647 --> 00:02:29,274
Take your time, Yves Clyde.
61
00:02:29,315 --> 00:02:30,733
I want it all!
62
00:02:30,775 --> 00:02:32,026
Lowlights, midlights,
highlights.
63
00:02:32,068 --> 00:02:33,862
And I wanna hear
64
00:02:33,903 --> 00:02:36,990
absolutely everything there
is to know about your yorkie.
65
00:02:37,031 --> 00:02:38,950
Noah Werner!
66
00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,618
Does this vendetta
know no bounds?
67
00:02:40,660 --> 00:02:42,537
It's boundless.
68
00:02:42,579 --> 00:02:43,997
You stole Carmen.
69
00:02:44,038 --> 00:02:46,416
Carmen was returned to my employ
70
00:02:46,457 --> 00:02:47,709
by Father Christmas.
71
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:50,628
Plus, you stole
Ashanti, our dog walker
72
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,380
and you don't even have a dog!
73
00:02:52,422 --> 00:02:54,174
Well, we're thinking about
getting one
74
00:02:54,215 --> 00:02:56,050
now that we have
the right team in place!
75
00:02:56,092 --> 00:02:57,719
madame?
76
00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,263
You poached Sean,
our mattress flipper!
77
00:03:00,305 --> 00:03:02,265
His name is Shane.
78
00:03:02,307 --> 00:03:05,560
See? I'm too sleep-deprived
to even remember his name.
79
00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:08,021
That's what it's come to!
80
00:03:08,062 --> 00:03:10,231
We need to get you rinsed out.
81
00:03:10,273 --> 00:03:12,275
We want you summersy,
not Suzanne Somers-y.
82
00:03:12,317 --> 00:03:14,277
[laughing]
Oh!
83
00:03:17,155 --> 00:03:18,740
This isn't over.
84
00:03:18,781 --> 00:03:22,202
I will not rest until
I have stolen your G.P.
85
00:03:22,243 --> 00:03:24,704
your E.N.T.,
and your OB-GYN
86
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:26,831
even if I have to grow
my own lady parts!
87
00:03:26,873 --> 00:03:29,000
[gasping]
88
00:03:29,042 --> 00:03:31,878
Oh. Sorry about that.
89
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:36,132
I'm afraid Noah's been a bit
unhinged ever since Carmen left.
90
00:03:36,174 --> 00:03:39,260
I have my regrets
about the way it ended.
91
00:03:39,302 --> 00:03:42,180
Is she...happy?
92
00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:43,806
- Who? Carmen?
- Mm.
93
00:03:43,848 --> 00:03:45,308
Oh, she's thriving.
She's gained her weight back.
94
00:03:45,350 --> 00:03:46,726
She's showin' affection.
95
00:03:46,768 --> 00:03:48,603
She stopped tearin'
her slippers apart.
96
00:03:48,645 --> 00:03:50,772
- She's in a good home now.
- I'm glad to hear it.
97
00:03:50,813 --> 00:03:52,774
I wish I could say the
same about my husband.
98
00:03:52,815 --> 00:03:55,443
These days, coaching
that T-ball team of his
99
00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:58,780
is the only thing that
gives him any normal joy.
100
00:03:58,821 --> 00:04:00,615
Huh.
101
00:04:00,657 --> 00:04:02,367
Funny.
102
00:04:02,408 --> 00:04:04,786
I've recently developed
103
00:04:04,827 --> 00:04:07,413
a keen interest
in T-balls myself.
104
00:04:07,455 --> 00:04:10,124
Oh.
105
00:04:10,166 --> 00:04:12,168
Hey, Mr. Wolfe..
106
00:04:12,210 --> 00:04:14,170
Anything I can help you with?
107
00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:16,172
No, I'm good, but thanks.
108
00:04:16,214 --> 00:04:18,675
- You sure?
- Positive.
109
00:04:18,716 --> 00:04:20,843
There's nothin'
you wanna "Ask Tessa"?
110
00:04:20,885 --> 00:04:22,303
Trademark pending.
111
00:04:22,345 --> 00:04:24,430
I feel like you're asking
me to ask you something
112
00:04:24,472 --> 00:04:25,556
but I'm not sure
what you're asking
113
00:04:25,598 --> 00:04:27,100
and I'm afraid to ask.
114
00:04:27,141 --> 00:04:28,851
Well, it's just that
you've been standing there
115
00:04:28,893 --> 00:04:31,980
staring at Chefs Alan and
Norman for two periods now.
116
00:04:33,481 --> 00:04:36,025
I can tell.
117
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:38,403
You are terrified by the idea
118
00:04:38,444 --> 00:04:40,446
of them working
so closely together
119
00:04:40,488 --> 00:04:41,864
clog-by-clog.
120
00:04:41,906 --> 00:04:44,575
Wow. You really know
your stuff, "Ask Tessa".
121
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:47,203
Now I don't know if I
announced this part at lunch
122
00:04:47,245 --> 00:04:50,331
but Alan was married when he
met Norman at culinary school.
123
00:04:50,373 --> 00:04:51,749
He left Nora for Norman.
124
00:04:51,791 --> 00:04:53,084
Mm-hmm.
125
00:04:53,126 --> 00:04:55,044
Who wouldn't be
attracted to Norman?
126
00:04:55,086 --> 00:04:56,379
He's a Norse-man.
127
00:04:56,421 --> 00:04:58,047
Didn't realize
he was from Norway.
128
00:04:58,089 --> 00:04:59,424
He's not.
It's gay slang
129
00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:01,426
and I'd rather not
define it for you.
130
00:05:01,467 --> 00:05:03,428
I know why you feel threatened
131
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:04,721
and it is because
he is a threat.
132
00:05:04,762 --> 00:05:06,848
I trust Alan.
It's the Norse-man..
133
00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:09,058
That is why you
need to up your game.
134
00:05:09,100 --> 00:05:11,686
He's the
catch of the day, and..
135
00:05:11,728 --> 00:05:14,355
...you are Friday's chili
136
00:05:14,397 --> 00:05:15,815
made with
Thursday's hamburger meat.
137
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:17,567
- Ouch.
- Yeah, well..
138
00:05:17,608 --> 00:05:19,277
"Ask Tessa" tells
it like it is.
139
00:05:19,319 --> 00:05:21,446
Do not ignore
your instincts, or mine.
140
00:05:21,487 --> 00:05:23,948
Remind Chef Alan
141
00:05:23,990 --> 00:05:27,493
that the wolf
has not been tamed.
142
00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:30,496
Release the wild wolf he
once fell in love with.
143
00:05:31,998 --> 00:05:33,499
Thanks, "Ask Tessa."
144
00:05:33,541 --> 00:05:35,960
No thanks needed.
It is what "Ask Tessa" does.
145
00:05:44,010 --> 00:05:45,303
Looks good to me.
You're beautiful as always.
146
00:05:45,345 --> 00:05:46,429
You just think
it looks beautiful
147
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:47,972
'cause you're ignorant.
148
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:50,516
When it comes to this stuff,
you are ignorant, George.
149
00:05:50,558 --> 00:05:52,727
It's not beautiful.
It's satisfactory.
150
00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:54,062
Why? Susan did it.
151
00:05:54,103 --> 00:05:56,981
She's a shampoo lady!
A head washer.
152
00:05:57,023 --> 00:05:59,817
Well, I think Susan really
stepped up to the plate.
153
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:02,904
She did no such thing,
you ignorant fool.
154
00:06:02,945 --> 00:06:04,530
And furthermore
155
00:06:04,572 --> 00:06:07,658
she was unable to regale me
with stories about her toy dog
156
00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:09,077
or celebrity gossip
157
00:06:09,118 --> 00:06:11,621
or what it's like
vacationing in the Swiss Alps.
158
00:06:11,662 --> 00:06:13,331
She just talked
about her mother
159
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,333
who apparently has lupus.
160
00:06:17,126 --> 00:06:19,587
Nothing entertaining about that.
That's just sad.
161
00:06:19,629 --> 00:06:21,089
Well, just because
Noah's being petty
162
00:06:21,130 --> 00:06:22,465
doesn't mean you have to be.
163
00:06:22,507 --> 00:06:25,259
It's time to take the
high road and disengage.
164
00:06:25,301 --> 00:06:26,761
Pull out of this war.
165
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:29,514
Hells to the no.
It's time to surge. Surge!
166
00:06:29,555 --> 00:06:32,308
I'm gonna climb on his
back and T-ball him.
167
00:06:32,350 --> 00:06:34,685
- What?
- Oh, he likes coachin' T-ball?
168
00:06:34,727 --> 00:06:36,771
I'm gonna take away his
little bad news bears
169
00:06:36,813 --> 00:06:39,690
on their own field of
dreams like a natural.
170
00:06:39,732 --> 00:06:41,859
You know what? I actually
think that's a good idea.
171
00:06:41,901 --> 00:06:43,653
- You do?
- I do.
172
00:06:43,694 --> 00:06:46,572
Look, I think a baseball game
is a relatively healthy way
173
00:06:46,614 --> 00:06:47,990
to settle things
between you and Noah
174
00:06:48,032 --> 00:06:50,535
if it will,
in fact, settle things.
175
00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:53,579
Do you think this will finally
help you let go of your grudge?
176
00:06:53,621 --> 00:06:55,665
If I win.
177
00:06:58,626 --> 00:07:00,753
You wanted to see me?
178
00:07:00,795 --> 00:07:02,755
In your den?
179
00:07:04,173 --> 00:07:06,134
Tessa, please have a seat.
180
00:07:06,175 --> 00:07:08,136
You ruined my life.
181
00:07:08,177 --> 00:07:11,097
- What? What happened?
- What didn't?
182
00:07:14,183 --> 00:07:17,854
You said to remind him of
how we first fell in love.
183
00:07:17,895 --> 00:07:19,939
Well, we fell in love at
Xana-dude
184
00:07:19,981 --> 00:07:22,733
the first gay roller rink
in Chatswin.
185
00:07:22,775 --> 00:07:24,652
You said unleash the wolf!
186
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:27,864
I didn't say to unleash
the purple hot pants!
187
00:07:27,905 --> 00:07:30,450
Alan is silently furious
with me.
188
00:07:30,491 --> 00:07:32,160
It's his quiet I fear most.
189
00:07:32,201 --> 00:07:33,911
And also his
leaving me for Norman.
190
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:36,456
And also dying alone.
And shiny floors.
191
00:07:36,497 --> 00:07:37,623
I have a lot of fears.
192
00:07:37,665 --> 00:07:39,917
Maybe he's not
as mad as you think.
193
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:44,380
- Let me suss it out.
- Got it.
194
00:07:44,422 --> 00:07:46,924
- What should I do?
- Change.
195
00:07:50,052 --> 00:07:52,054
[whistling]
Listen up, y'all!
196
00:07:52,096 --> 00:07:54,807
First, assume a wide stance.
197
00:07:54,849 --> 00:07:57,560
Second, squirt a dime-sized
portion of sunscreen
198
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:59,979
into your palm.
Make sure it's oil-free.
199
00:08:00,021 --> 00:08:02,273
And then you're gonna apply
it with a sweeping motion.
200
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:04,817
Start at the base of your
throat and sweep upwards.
201
00:08:04,859 --> 00:08:06,152
Upwards.
202
00:08:06,194 --> 00:08:07,820
Upwards, Keith.
203
00:08:07,862 --> 00:08:09,071
Uh, Coach?
204
00:08:09,113 --> 00:08:11,240
You might wanna get to the
actual sport.
205
00:08:11,282 --> 00:08:12,617
Practice is only an hour.
206
00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:14,494
Well, George,
I was gettin' to that.
207
00:08:14,535 --> 00:08:16,996
Now, I need each of you
208
00:08:17,038 --> 00:08:20,041
to develop your
very own fancy run.
209
00:08:20,082 --> 00:08:22,543
This is a perfect way to
express your individuality
210
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:24,837
while you're running
towards that..
211
00:08:24,879 --> 00:08:25,880
...filthy pillow.
212
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:27,632
Also known as first base.
213
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:29,383
George, you're confusing
them with your jargon.
214
00:08:29,425 --> 00:08:30,968
Okay.
215
00:08:31,010 --> 00:08:33,137
Nicole, I know
you love unicorns.
216
00:08:33,179 --> 00:08:34,430
Let me see a unicorn run.
217
00:08:34,472 --> 00:08:37,767
Yes!
218
00:08:37,808 --> 00:08:39,519
Ohh, I love it, Nicole!
219
00:08:39,560 --> 00:08:41,103
I feel like I'm in Narnia!
220
00:08:41,145 --> 00:08:42,730
Maybe you should have
the kids practice hitting.
221
00:08:42,772 --> 00:08:44,899
George, I'm sorry, but
I can't condone violence.
222
00:08:44,941 --> 00:08:46,901
Not now, not ever.
223
00:08:48,945 --> 00:08:50,613
Wow.
224
00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:53,491
I've never been in the
cafeteria after school.
225
00:08:53,533 --> 00:08:55,368
You think the ice cream
is unlocked?
226
00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:56,869
This will only take a minute.
227
00:08:56,911 --> 00:08:58,871
I just have to
suss out Alan.
228
00:08:58,913 --> 00:09:01,040
Never takes me long to suss.
229
00:09:01,082 --> 00:09:03,793
Don't you have your own
relationship to "suss"?
230
00:09:03,834 --> 00:09:05,753
I told you.
He's at an away game.
231
00:09:05,795 --> 00:09:06,837
Ooh! Oh!
232
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:08,464
'I don't know. I just..'
233
00:09:08,506 --> 00:09:10,716
I feel very anxious
about the whole thing.
234
00:09:10,758 --> 00:09:13,928
It's not anxiety.
It's excitement.
235
00:09:13,970 --> 00:09:15,972
Promise me
you'll come tomorrow night.
236
00:09:16,013 --> 00:09:17,265
Who am I kidding? I..
237
00:09:17,306 --> 00:09:19,141
I won't be able to stop myself.
238
00:09:19,183 --> 00:09:21,519
It will be a night to remember.
239
00:09:21,561 --> 00:09:24,647
Okay. I'm gonna
hold you to that.
240
00:09:24,689 --> 00:09:26,774
Yeah, I'll rush over as soon
as Wolfe leaves for boxing.
241
00:09:28,776 --> 00:09:30,653
Oh, gosh.
242
00:09:30,695 --> 00:09:32,780
Oh, my God!
243
00:09:32,822 --> 00:09:34,365
Chef Alan's cheating!
244
00:09:34,407 --> 00:09:36,784
Oh, my God. Mr. Wolfe boxes?
245
00:09:36,826 --> 00:09:38,786
Unless that's gay slang.
246
00:09:42,832 --> 00:09:44,458
Okay, after watching
today's practice
247
00:09:44,500 --> 00:09:46,627
it's clear to me you know little
if anything about the game.
248
00:09:46,669 --> 00:09:48,170
I don't mean to be harsh
249
00:09:48,212 --> 00:09:50,131
but there is no way
you are going to win.
250
00:09:50,172 --> 00:09:53,092
George, take that back.
Failure is not an option.
251
00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:55,303
It's one of my top three
most hated things
252
00:09:55,344 --> 00:09:57,888
right behind
decorated denim and pinheads.
253
00:09:57,930 --> 00:09:59,932
Well, I'm sorry, but you
can't have a T-ball team
254
00:09:59,974 --> 00:10:02,643
that doesn't know
how to play T-ball.
255
00:10:02,685 --> 00:10:05,354
Will you help us?
256
00:10:05,396 --> 00:10:07,356
I really don't want
to get involved
257
00:10:07,398 --> 00:10:09,025
in this feud
between you and Noah.
258
00:10:09,066 --> 00:10:10,943
But how are we supposed
to settle it fair and square
259
00:10:10,985 --> 00:10:12,903
when our team is at
a distinct disadvantage
260
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:15,573
on account of me not knowing
jack squat about T-ball?
261
00:10:15,615 --> 00:10:17,575
You got a point.
262
00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,410
Plus, I'm your girl.
263
00:10:19,452 --> 00:10:22,705
You can't just let another
man take a dookie on my dignity.
264
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:25,333
[laughing]
Dallas, alright.
265
00:10:25,374 --> 00:10:27,084
If I agree to help you out
266
00:10:27,126 --> 00:10:30,046
we've gotta focus on the
fundamentals, not the fun.
267
00:10:30,087 --> 00:10:32,048
Sure! That sounds like fun.
268
00:10:32,089 --> 00:10:34,675
- What? No, it's not.
- Right.
269
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:36,844
What I meant was, it sounds
like a real good time.
270
00:10:36,886 --> 00:10:39,013
It's not gonna be a good time.
It's gonna be lots of work.
271
00:10:39,055 --> 00:10:42,141
But in the end
272
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:45,144
the hard work will pay off
when we defeat Noah Werner
273
00:10:45,186 --> 00:10:47,938
and that'll be fun.
274
00:10:47,980 --> 00:10:49,774
[whistle blowing]
275
00:10:49,815 --> 00:10:52,151
Look, I know some of you
are disappointed.
276
00:10:52,193 --> 00:10:54,737
You.. You miss Dallas'
way of doing things
277
00:10:54,779 --> 00:10:56,781
and you miss
your sparkly uniforms.
278
00:10:56,822 --> 00:10:58,783
But those uniforms
were hurting us.
279
00:10:58,824 --> 00:11:00,534
- Mine didn't hurt.
- It did, Kevin.
280
00:11:00,576 --> 00:11:01,827
You just didn't know it did.
281
00:11:01,869 --> 00:11:04,372
My name's not Kevin.
It's Kevuel.
282
00:11:04,413 --> 00:11:06,374
I'm Kimantha's brother.
283
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:09,335
Okay. Gang, to win
284
00:11:09,377 --> 00:11:12,546
we're gonna have to look
and act normal
285
00:11:12,588 --> 00:11:14,590
like professional
T-ball players.
286
00:11:14,632 --> 00:11:16,258
'So from this point on'
287
00:11:16,300 --> 00:11:17,927
Kevuel's gonna be "Kevin"
288
00:11:17,968 --> 00:11:21,097
and all of us are gonna
focus on fundamentals.
289
00:11:21,138 --> 00:11:22,973
We're gonna work
on our fielding
290
00:11:23,015 --> 00:11:24,934
we're gonna work
on our hitting
291
00:11:24,975 --> 00:11:27,311
and we're gonna work on
building a winning team
292
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:28,396
if that's okay.
293
00:11:28,437 --> 00:11:30,523
'Is that okay?'
294
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:33,734
I said, is that okay?!
295
00:11:33,776 --> 00:11:35,778
Yeah, it's okay, George.
296
00:11:35,820 --> 00:11:37,238
But can we still
do our fancy runs?
297
00:11:37,279 --> 00:11:39,365
No. No! No fancy runs.
298
00:11:39,407 --> 00:11:42,993
But our fancy runs show the
other team our individuality!
299
00:11:43,035 --> 00:11:44,370
- Yeah!
- No. No, Nicole.
300
00:11:44,412 --> 00:11:45,705
No, our fancy runs show the
other team
301
00:11:45,746 --> 00:11:47,623
we have no idea
what we're doing.
302
00:11:47,665 --> 00:11:50,126
Alright, guys. Let's get
to work! Grab your mitts!
303
00:11:50,167 --> 00:11:51,794
Get out there! Let's go!
304
00:11:51,836 --> 00:11:53,170
♪ I think it's very vital ♪
305
00:11:53,212 --> 00:11:54,213
♪ To rock ♪
♪ A rhyme ♪
306
00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:55,589
'Keep it up! Keep it up!'
307
00:11:55,631 --> 00:11:56,924
'There you go!'
308
00:11:56,966 --> 00:11:59,552
Let's go! Let's go!
Keep 'em goin'. Come on!
309
00:11:59,593 --> 00:12:01,220
Come on! Push it! Push it!
310
00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:03,222
Push it! Come on! Push it!
311
00:12:03,264 --> 00:12:04,515
♪ It's tricky ♪
♪ Tricky ♪
312
00:12:04,557 --> 00:12:06,058
♪ It's tricky to rock a rhyme ♪
313
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:07,101
♪ To rock a rhyme
that's right on time ♪
314
00:12:07,143 --> 00:12:09,520
Uhh!
315
00:12:09,562 --> 00:12:12,106
♪ T-t-t-tricky ♪
316
00:12:12,148 --> 00:12:14,233
Alright, guys. Here we go.
317
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:16,235
- Let's hit some balls.
- Uhh!
318
00:12:16,277 --> 00:12:18,195
Uh.. Not bad. Not bad.
319
00:12:18,237 --> 00:12:19,739
Good cut. Good cut.
320
00:12:19,780 --> 00:12:21,615
♪ It's tricky to rock a rhyme ♪
321
00:12:21,657 --> 00:12:24,410
Okay. Gotta..
You gotta look at the ball.
322
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:27,329
Hey. Okay. Hey!
Come on now! Come on!
323
00:12:27,371 --> 00:12:28,873
♪ It's tricky to rock a rhyme ♪
324
00:12:28,914 --> 00:12:30,666
♪ To rock a rhyme
that's right on time ♪
325
00:12:30,708 --> 00:12:32,835
♪ It's tricky ♪
♪ Tricky.. ♪♪
326
00:12:32,877 --> 00:12:35,087
Focus up, guys.
Focus up. Eye on the ball!
327
00:12:35,129 --> 00:12:37,423
Watch the ball go all
the way into your glove.
328
00:12:37,465 --> 00:12:39,425
Here we go. Here it comes.
329
00:12:40,342 --> 00:12:41,927
Ooh! Oh! K.. Kev!
330
00:12:41,969 --> 00:12:43,971
Stay in front of those!
Jenni could've gotten that one.
331
00:12:44,013 --> 00:12:46,182
What the hell
is that supposed to mean?
332
00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:48,350
- Nothing.
- You mean because I'm a girl?
333
00:12:48,392 --> 00:12:51,562
No. No, I mean
because you're...not good.
334
00:12:51,604 --> 00:12:53,606
I'm tired.
Do you have any frozen treats?
335
00:12:53,647 --> 00:12:55,483
Frozen treats? What?
336
00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:58,027
I'm your coach.
I'm not the ice-cream man.
337
00:12:58,068 --> 00:13:01,280
I don't even think this
jackass has a juice box on him.
338
00:13:01,322 --> 00:13:04,116
- Yeah, and he's sexist.
- Okay, you know what?
339
00:13:04,158 --> 00:13:05,743
It'd be sexist
if I didn't tell you the truth.
340
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,244
Ugh!
341
00:13:07,286 --> 00:13:08,704
- Okay, she's angry. Good!
- I quit!
342
00:13:08,746 --> 00:13:10,414
That's good!
We can use that anger!
343
00:13:10,456 --> 00:13:12,541
George, I think
you're losing 'em.
344
00:13:12,583 --> 00:13:14,919
I'm not losing them.
I'm-I'm breaking them.
345
00:13:14,960 --> 00:13:16,253
And then
I'm gonna rebuild them!
346
00:13:16,295 --> 00:13:18,380
Oh! You mean
like Jill Werner did
347
00:13:18,422 --> 00:13:20,633
with her pre-marital hook nose?
348
00:13:20,674 --> 00:13:21,926
Kind of.
349
00:13:21,967 --> 00:13:24,553
Stand up, guys.
Come on! Stand up!
350
00:13:24,595 --> 00:13:26,472
'St.. I'm..
I'm gonna hit it either way.'
351
00:13:32,937 --> 00:13:35,439
He really is boxing.
That is not gay slang.
352
00:13:35,481 --> 00:13:37,441
Punch with your legs,
not your ovaries.
353
00:13:39,443 --> 00:13:40,736
Mr. Wolfe,
what are you doing?
354
00:13:40,778 --> 00:13:42,530
I'm training the next
middleweight champion
355
00:13:42,571 --> 00:13:44,490
of the world.
What are you doing?
356
00:13:44,532 --> 00:13:47,076
There is so much we don't
know about his private life.
357
00:13:47,117 --> 00:13:49,203
Mr. Wolfe,
I really need to talk to you.
358
00:13:49,245 --> 00:13:51,205
You might wanna
sit down for this.
359
00:13:59,672 --> 00:14:01,841
It's worse than I thought.
360
00:14:01,882 --> 00:14:03,926
Chefs Alan and Norman..
361
00:14:03,968 --> 00:14:04,969
...are having an affair.
362
00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:06,720
[gasps and gags]
363
00:14:08,305 --> 00:14:10,933
Worst time to put
water in someone's mouth.
364
00:14:10,975 --> 00:14:13,394
And you practically drowned me.
365
00:14:13,435 --> 00:14:14,436
There ya go.
366
00:14:14,478 --> 00:14:15,771
Lisa and I overheard them
367
00:14:15,813 --> 00:14:17,356
planning a hookup
in the cafeteria.
368
00:14:17,398 --> 00:14:18,941
I wouldn't say anything
unless I was 100% sure.
369
00:14:18,983 --> 00:14:21,735
Some of us
are a little shy of 100%.
370
00:14:21,777 --> 00:14:24,071
Some of us
are hovering around 12%.
371
00:14:24,113 --> 00:14:25,406
He told me
he was just going over
372
00:14:25,447 --> 00:14:27,241
to Chef Norman's
to watch the Oscars.
373
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:29,660
Yeah? Did he? Then why didn't
he invite you to go with him?
374
00:14:29,702 --> 00:14:32,538
He knows that I've boycotted
the Oscars every year
375
00:14:32,580 --> 00:14:34,790
since the soul-crushing
tragedy of '93.
376
00:14:34,832 --> 00:14:36,041
What that the year..
377
00:14:36,083 --> 00:14:37,668
And the nominees are..
378
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,211
...Judy Davis..
379
00:14:39,253 --> 00:14:40,588
...Joan Plowright..
380
00:14:40,629 --> 00:14:42,381
...Vanessa freakin' Redgrave..
381
00:14:42,423 --> 00:14:43,674
And the Oscar goes to..
382
00:14:43,716 --> 00:14:46,510
Marisa Tomei
for "My Cousin Vinny".
383
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:49,722
That was the homosexual
O.J. verdict.
384
00:14:49,763 --> 00:14:51,223
So that's why
they didn't invite him.
385
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:52,600
Maybe they really are
having an Oscar party.
386
00:14:52,641 --> 00:14:54,768
Yeah. No, maybe they are..
387
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,480
...in their pants.
388
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,280
Hope you don't mind.
I let myself in.
389
00:15:06,322 --> 00:15:07,656
Noah! Jeez! What the heck?
390
00:15:07,698 --> 00:15:09,325
You trying to give me
a heart attack?
391
00:15:09,366 --> 00:15:11,577
I might ask you
the same thing.
392
00:15:11,619 --> 00:15:12,870
Wow!
393
00:15:12,912 --> 00:15:16,081
What is with
the new 'do...Mufasa?
394
00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:17,917
Oh, ho ho ho ho!
395
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:20,753
Oh, you're hilarious George.
You should open for Louis C.K.
396
00:15:20,794 --> 00:15:22,796
- Really? You think I'm ready?
- Oh, absolutely.
397
00:15:22,838 --> 00:15:24,715
I-I think he'd be lucky
to have you.
398
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:25,883
Once he hears that great joke
399
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:27,718
about you helping Dallas
defeat me.
400
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:30,471
Is this about T-ball?
Is that what this is?
401
00:15:30,512 --> 00:15:31,722
Yes.
402
00:15:31,764 --> 00:15:33,265
That's what this is.
403
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:36,852
Look at you...with a
whistle around your neck.
404
00:15:36,894 --> 00:15:38,896
You disgust me.
405
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:42,024
I thought that you were
Crockett and I was Tubbs!
406
00:15:42,066 --> 00:15:46,153
I thought that you were
Tango and I was Cash!
407
00:15:46,195 --> 00:15:49,573
I thought that
you were Dunston..
408
00:15:49,615 --> 00:15:52,159
...and I had checked in!
409
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:54,912
- Sorry?
- You haven't seen that movie?
410
00:15:54,954 --> 00:15:57,331
It's about this monkey
and this hotel..
411
00:15:57,373 --> 00:15:59,500
They're best friends!
412
00:15:59,541 --> 00:16:01,377
Yeah, but the only thing
you wanna check into anymore
413
00:16:01,418 --> 00:16:02,461
is your girlfriend.
414
00:16:02,503 --> 00:16:04,880
Okay, Noah,
listen to yourself.
415
00:16:04,922 --> 00:16:06,215
Okay, look at your hair!
416
00:16:06,256 --> 00:16:09,051
This war between you
and Dallas has to stop.
417
00:16:09,093 --> 00:16:11,762
I'm begging you.
Settle it on the T-ball field
418
00:16:11,804 --> 00:16:13,889
and then move on
with your lives.
419
00:16:13,931 --> 00:16:16,016
She's taken
everything from me, George.
420
00:16:16,058 --> 00:16:17,726
Everything.
421
00:16:17,768 --> 00:16:20,562
And now I'm gonna take
everything from you
422
00:16:20,604 --> 00:16:22,022
starting right there.
423
00:16:22,064 --> 00:16:23,691
Ah, ha ha ha!
424
00:16:23,732 --> 00:16:25,693
Ha!
425
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:30,030
Whoops! Mine now.
426
00:16:33,534 --> 00:16:37,246
Oh, hope you
don't make any spills.
427
00:16:37,287 --> 00:16:38,706
Huh?
428
00:16:38,747 --> 00:16:40,457
Really? You're gonna
take my smoke detector?
429
00:16:40,499 --> 00:16:42,876
Oh, yeah! I'm taking everything.
430
00:16:45,295 --> 00:16:47,256
Everything!
431
00:16:50,676 --> 00:16:52,970
I feel weird.
432
00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,264
We didn't even
fill out an Oscar ballot.
433
00:16:55,305 --> 00:16:57,599
Since it's not a real Oscar
party, it doesn't matter.
434
00:16:59,727 --> 00:17:01,478
How can you be so sure?
435
00:17:01,520 --> 00:17:04,189
Look, I know sometimes
it's hard to
436
00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:06,066
confront things in a
relationship we don't want to
437
00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:08,944
but if Chef Alan is not
being honest with you
438
00:17:08,986 --> 00:17:10,946
don't you wanna know?
439
00:17:16,368 --> 00:17:18,037
Oh, thank God!
440
00:17:18,078 --> 00:17:20,039
Look, "Ask Tessa"
441
00:17:20,080 --> 00:17:22,624
'it's just boring old
Alan sitting on the couch.'
442
00:17:22,666 --> 00:17:24,626
For a moment,
we thought you were..
443
00:17:27,296 --> 00:17:28,964
What's that?
444
00:17:29,006 --> 00:17:30,966
Uh, what's what?
445
00:17:31,008 --> 00:17:32,509
That thing.
446
00:17:32,551 --> 00:17:37,806
And the award for best
original tongue kiss goes to...
447
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:39,808
Oh.
448
00:17:41,435 --> 00:17:43,896
Uh.. On the bright side
449
00:17:43,937 --> 00:17:46,982
this takes the whole sting out
of the Marisa Tomei incident.
450
00:17:49,568 --> 00:17:52,488
Alright, buddy! Good hit!
Good swing, man!
451
00:17:52,529 --> 00:17:53,822
Whoo! Way to go!
452
00:17:53,864 --> 00:17:55,532
Way to make it
to the filthy pillow!
453
00:17:55,574 --> 00:17:57,076
Look, George, they're doing it!
454
00:17:57,117 --> 00:17:58,327
We're gonna beat him
to a bloody pulp!
455
00:17:58,368 --> 00:17:59,411
Oh, yeah.
456
00:17:59,453 --> 00:18:00,704
What the hell was that, Seth?
457
00:18:00,746 --> 00:18:02,664
Oh, I actually
hate you right now.
458
00:18:02,706 --> 00:18:04,750
I hate you
outside of the game.
459
00:18:04,792 --> 00:18:07,211
Not as a first baseman,
as a person!
460
00:18:07,252 --> 00:18:10,047
- You guys suck!
- What's your problem?
461
00:18:10,089 --> 00:18:12,591
You stink!
462
00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:14,843
You're a bunch of hacks!
463
00:18:14,885 --> 00:18:17,262
'Losers! Losers!'
464
00:18:17,304 --> 00:18:18,764
Dallas, I think I was wrong.
465
00:18:18,806 --> 00:18:20,432
Sweep the leg!
466
00:18:20,474 --> 00:18:22,893
Whoa. No, don't sweep anything.
467
00:18:22,935 --> 00:18:25,646
- Look at these kids.
- You guys stink!
468
00:18:25,687 --> 00:18:27,356
- I ruined them.
- You guys suck!
469
00:18:27,397 --> 00:18:29,566
You were right. They..
They should be playing for fun.
470
00:18:29,608 --> 00:18:30,901
They should be..
471
00:18:30,943 --> 00:18:33,612
...playing for wristlets
and-and fancy runs
472
00:18:33,654 --> 00:18:35,322
and frozen treats.
473
00:18:35,364 --> 00:18:37,533
Those things
would've cost us our victory.
474
00:18:37,574 --> 00:18:39,535
We can win this, George.
475
00:18:39,576 --> 00:18:40,911
Sweep the leg!
476
00:18:40,953 --> 00:18:42,287
Fine. Sweep the leg.
477
00:18:42,329 --> 00:18:44,331
Sweep the leg if you
care more about winning
478
00:18:44,373 --> 00:18:46,166
than you do about humanity.
479
00:18:46,208 --> 00:18:49,837
Sweep the leg if you want this
petty rivalry to own your soul.
480
00:18:49,878 --> 00:18:51,630
- Sweep the leg if--
- You heard him!
481
00:18:51,672 --> 00:18:56,051
Sweep the leg!
482
00:18:56,093 --> 00:18:58,053
No. No.
483
00:19:03,392 --> 00:19:05,018
(boy #1)
'Ow!'
484
00:19:05,060 --> 00:19:08,856
Visitors disqualified!
The dental decay sluggers win!
485
00:19:08,897 --> 00:19:10,816
- Yeah!
- Boom!
486
00:19:10,858 --> 00:19:12,609
Yeah! Oh, man.
487
00:19:12,651 --> 00:19:14,236
Well done!
488
00:19:14,278 --> 00:19:15,904
- You had to know.
- What?
489
00:19:15,946 --> 00:19:18,824
You had to know that your
kid would be disqualified
490
00:19:18,866 --> 00:19:19,992
for cobra kai'ing
my third baseman.
491
00:19:20,033 --> 00:19:21,243
And I know why you did it.
492
00:19:21,285 --> 00:19:22,411
(boy #1)
'Ow!'
493
00:19:22,452 --> 00:19:23,787
- You did it for me.
- N-no.
494
00:19:23,829 --> 00:19:25,372
Noah, I didn't do it for you.
495
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:27,416
I tried very hard
to stop it, actually.
496
00:19:27,457 --> 00:19:28,876
No.
497
00:19:28,917 --> 00:19:30,210
I know you did.
498
00:19:30,252 --> 00:19:32,546
You did everything you could.
499
00:19:32,588 --> 00:19:34,214
I would do the same thing
for you, buddy.
500
00:19:34,256 --> 00:19:37,426
Any one of these kids.
You just say the word.
501
00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:38,468
Thanks?
502
00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:40,345
Which kid, though?
503
00:19:40,387 --> 00:19:42,806
I need to know which kid.
504
00:19:42,848 --> 00:19:44,808
Unless you want me to pick.
505
00:19:47,394 --> 00:19:49,021
Just remember..
506
00:19:49,062 --> 00:19:50,564
...you're the reason
we won this game.
507
00:19:50,606 --> 00:19:52,149
I don't know what came over me.
508
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,568
And it's not like playing
dirty helped. We lost!
509
00:19:55,819 --> 00:19:56,987
- Did we?
- Yes.
510
00:19:57,029 --> 00:19:58,363
I checked the scoreboard
to make sure.
511
00:19:58,405 --> 00:20:00,199
No, I meant in a bigger sense.
512
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:02,409
Yeah, I know. We lost
in a bigger sense, too.
513
00:20:02,451 --> 00:20:03,619
Poor sportsmanship..
514
00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:05,579
Ugly, ugly costumes..
515
00:20:05,621 --> 00:20:07,122
'...and we injured a boy.'
516
00:20:07,164 --> 00:20:10,125
Yes, but we learned
an important lesson..
517
00:20:11,043 --> 00:20:12,586
...which means we won.
518
00:20:12,628 --> 00:20:14,338
George, you're looking
on the bright side.
519
00:20:14,379 --> 00:20:16,381
- You got that from me.
- Ow!
520
00:20:16,423 --> 00:20:17,591
[kid screaming]
521
00:20:17,633 --> 00:20:20,052
Well, I can't un-break his leg
522
00:20:20,093 --> 00:20:22,638
but I can un-break
this feud with Noah Werner.
523
00:20:25,015 --> 00:20:27,643
Wait. You can un-break it?
524
00:20:27,684 --> 00:20:28,977
That means the feud's back on.
525
00:20:29,019 --> 00:20:31,563
You wanna break it,
not un-break it.
526
00:20:31,605 --> 00:20:33,982
- Right?
- Mm-hmm.
527
00:20:34,024 --> 00:20:36,193
(Noah)
Great job out there.
528
00:20:41,365 --> 00:20:44,618
Sometimes doing the right
thing still feels wrong.
529
00:20:44,660 --> 00:20:47,079
There's nothing a 2-day
old gingersnap can't fix.
530
00:20:49,665 --> 00:20:52,251
How about adultery?
531
00:20:52,292 --> 00:20:54,086
"Ask Tessa" knew it all along.
532
00:20:54,127 --> 00:20:56,088
I wish she was wrong, but..
533
00:20:56,129 --> 00:20:57,506
...she just never is.
534
00:20:57,547 --> 00:21:00,842
No, not when it comes to
other people's problems.
535
00:21:00,884 --> 00:21:02,427
Are we off me already?
536
00:21:02,469 --> 00:21:04,179
What are you
trying to say, Lisa?
537
00:21:05,264 --> 00:21:07,766
I'm trying to say that
538
00:21:07,808 --> 00:21:11,019
sometimes it's easier to
diagnose other people's problems
539
00:21:11,061 --> 00:21:13,021
than your own.
540
00:21:15,565 --> 00:21:17,943
There's no such thing
as a 3-day away game?
541
00:21:20,195 --> 00:21:22,572
There is no such thing
as a 3-day away game.
39040
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