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00:00:00,959 --> 00:00:02,961
(Tessa)
In high school,
there's practically
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00:00:03,003 --> 00:00:04,004
no limit to the number
of things
3
00:00:04,045 --> 00:00:05,672
you can try your hand at.
4
00:00:05,714 --> 00:00:07,882
In a surprise move,
I had recently signed up
5
00:00:07,924 --> 00:00:10,051
for liking Ryan Shay.
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00:00:10,093 --> 00:00:11,886
A year ago, I would've
looked over there and thought
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00:00:11,928 --> 00:00:14,639
what a bunch of dumb jocks.
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00:00:14,681 --> 00:00:17,767
And now, I look over there
and think, "Hey, Ryan."
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00:00:17,809 --> 00:00:19,436
I think this whole
adoption thing
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00:00:19,477 --> 00:00:21,229
has really helped
humanize him.
11
00:00:21,271 --> 00:00:23,898
You know, like when we
found out about Dave Thomas.
12
00:00:23,940 --> 00:00:27,861
Suddenly his frozen dairy
dessert tasted bittersweet.
13
00:00:27,902 --> 00:00:30,905
Good day, Miss Altman.
Keeping it tight, I presume?
14
00:00:30,947 --> 00:00:32,365
What's wrong with you?
15
00:00:32,407 --> 00:00:33,825
I-I didn't know
if people at school
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00:00:33,867 --> 00:00:35,952
were supposed to know
about us or not.
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00:00:35,994 --> 00:00:38,204
- Know what?
- About our love.
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00:00:38,246 --> 00:00:39,914
And how tender it is.
19
00:00:39,956 --> 00:00:42,250
Don't be weird.
I don't care.
20
00:00:44,085 --> 00:00:45,295
You hear that, Chatswin?
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00:00:45,336 --> 00:00:46,463
She doesn't care!
22
00:00:46,504 --> 00:00:48,339
Tessa and I aren't embarrassed
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00:00:48,381 --> 00:00:50,800
to express
how tender our love is.
24
00:00:50,842 --> 00:00:52,260
It's extremely tender!
25
00:00:52,302 --> 00:00:53,845
[all cheering]
26
00:00:53,887 --> 00:00:55,513
Yeah, man.
27
00:00:57,640 --> 00:00:59,809
Congratulations, Tessa.
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00:00:59,851 --> 00:01:01,603
I had no idea
things were so tender
29
00:01:01,644 --> 00:01:02,645
between the two of you.
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00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,147
No one in their wildest dreams
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00:01:04,189 --> 00:01:06,274
expected you
to snag a football player.
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00:01:06,316 --> 00:01:07,942
It would be like
that runner with no legs
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00:01:07,984 --> 00:01:08,985
winning the Olympics.
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00:01:09,027 --> 00:01:10,278
- Thanks.
- Listen.
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00:01:10,320 --> 00:01:13,031
You are a
football girlfriend now.
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00:01:13,073 --> 00:01:15,450
And we're going to look past
your negativity and smugness
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00:01:15,492 --> 00:01:19,120
and embrace you, because that's
what football girlfriends do.
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00:01:19,162 --> 00:01:21,247
You can shadow me
till you get the hang of it.
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00:01:21,289 --> 00:01:23,208
Don't worry.
You're in good hands.
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00:01:23,249 --> 00:01:24,250
Amber's trained
some of the best football
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00:01:24,292 --> 00:01:25,668
girlfriends in the field.
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00:01:25,710 --> 00:01:27,462
You should put that
on your college application.
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00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:29,798
Why would I go to college?
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00:01:29,839 --> 00:01:32,050
I've already met
my future husband.
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00:01:32,092 --> 00:01:33,718
From now on,
before signing up for things
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00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,762
I should remember
to read the fine print.
47
00:01:35,804 --> 00:01:37,472
(Dallas)
'Look at that fine print.'
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00:01:37,514 --> 00:01:40,475
And look at the DPI, George.
Just look at it!
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00:01:40,517 --> 00:01:42,435
This printer is the best thing
that's ever happened to me
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00:01:42,477 --> 00:01:44,062
and I met Garry Shandling.
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00:01:44,104 --> 00:01:46,272
With this printer,
I can finally print
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00:01:46,314 --> 00:01:48,024
people's dreams come true.
53
00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:49,442
But this isn't
my dream, right?
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00:01:49,484 --> 00:01:51,069
Don't be silly.
You're a monarch.
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00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:53,488
'See how lush and saturated
you look, George?'
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00:01:53,530 --> 00:01:55,406
Even Yakult
said you look saturated.
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00:01:55,448 --> 00:01:57,283
Yes, okay, thank you, Dallas.
58
00:01:57,325 --> 00:01:59,327
This is very sweet.
I appreciate it.
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00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:00,495
Should we start
cutting the tabs?
60
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:03,456
I have to go meet Noah.
61
00:02:03,498 --> 00:02:05,166
- George?
- Huh?
62
00:02:05,208 --> 00:02:06,501
What is that?
63
00:02:06,543 --> 00:02:08,294
Oh, that's just
some files and stuff.
64
00:02:08,336 --> 00:02:09,671
They don't look like files.
65
00:02:09,712 --> 00:02:12,549
They look like
more of my flyers.
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00:02:12,590 --> 00:02:14,676
Yeah, th-th-that's what I said.
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00:02:14,717 --> 00:02:16,386
File-ers.
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00:02:16,427 --> 00:02:17,804
Sometimes my
Southern accent comes out
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00:02:17,846 --> 00:02:20,390
from my semester
in Charleston.
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00:02:20,431 --> 00:02:22,350
- Honey child.
- Oh.
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00:02:22,392 --> 00:02:24,602
[theme song]
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00:02:24,644 --> 00:02:27,105
♪ Last night I had ♪
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00:02:27,147 --> 00:02:29,607
♪ A pleasant nightmare ♪
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00:02:29,649 --> 00:02:32,610
♪ Da-da da-da da da da ♪♪
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00:02:32,652 --> 00:02:34,112
I wanted to have an open mind
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00:02:34,154 --> 00:02:35,738
about the football girlfriends.
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00:02:35,780 --> 00:02:37,866
They just made it so damn hard.
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00:02:37,907 --> 00:02:39,534
This is where we
bake the treats
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00:02:39,576 --> 00:02:40,827
'for the goody bags
that we give'
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00:02:40,869 --> 00:02:42,787
'to our boyfriends on game day.'
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00:02:42,829 --> 00:02:44,205
'We don't do it
for the thank yous'
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00:02:44,247 --> 00:02:45,874
because they don't
say thank you.
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00:02:45,915 --> 00:02:47,917
We do it
because it's tons of fun.
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00:02:51,087 --> 00:02:53,715
So this is where we do
our boyfriends' homework
85
00:02:53,756 --> 00:02:56,009
so they can focus on practice.
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00:02:56,050 --> 00:02:58,386
So we do this
for the thank yous?
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00:02:58,428 --> 00:03:00,805
Tessa, no.
There are no thank yous.
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00:03:00,847 --> 00:03:02,557
We do this
because it helps our guys
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00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:04,851
to concentrate on victory
and over time
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00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:07,854
their victories will start
to feel like your victories.
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00:03:07,896 --> 00:03:09,898
And that's its own reward.
You'll see.
92
00:03:14,444 --> 00:03:17,197
And this is the pep rally
nerve center.
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00:03:18,531 --> 00:03:19,574
Wow!
94
00:03:19,616 --> 00:03:21,284
Looks like..
95
00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:22,785
[sighs]
...a sweatshop.
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00:03:22,827 --> 00:03:24,245
We call it the devotion pit.
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00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:26,247
'It's where we make
the T-shirts, banners'
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00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:28,917
and miscellaneous sundries
that express our love
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00:03:28,958 --> 00:03:30,793
loyalty, and allegiance.
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00:03:30,835 --> 00:03:32,879
So you girls are basically
mindless servants
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00:03:32,921 --> 00:03:35,423
struggling to uphold
outdated gender roles?
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00:03:35,465 --> 00:03:37,091
Now you got it.
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00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:40,345
And the longer you serve, the
louder you cheer. You'll see.
104
00:03:40,386 --> 00:03:41,638
[cell phone ringing]
105
00:03:41,679 --> 00:03:43,890
It's Derek.
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00:03:43,932 --> 00:03:47,268
Let's go, Derek!
Way to dial that phone, baby!
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00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,895
Good phone answer, Joan.
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00:03:48,937 --> 00:03:51,481
- Thanks.
- No.
109
00:03:51,522 --> 00:03:53,566
Derek may have been into it,
but some people
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00:03:53,608 --> 00:03:54,859
find relentless cheer-leading..
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00:03:54,901 --> 00:03:56,194
Stifling.
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00:03:56,236 --> 00:03:58,279
You know, to, to me
each one of those flyers
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00:03:58,321 --> 00:04:00,990
might as well say,
"I judge you, George Altman.
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00:04:01,032 --> 00:04:03,618
I judge you for not being
successful enough."
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00:04:03,660 --> 00:04:05,578
Dallas is judgey. She is.
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00:04:05,620 --> 00:04:08,206
When she met me,
I was not a skylight king.
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00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,583
Look, if you're
the skylight king
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00:04:10,625 --> 00:04:12,627
then she's the queen.
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00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,170
Alright, and that, my friends,
is what they all want.
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00:04:14,212 --> 00:04:17,340
They want status.
They-they want stability.
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00:04:17,382 --> 00:04:19,968
Why do you think
I became a dentist?
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00:04:20,009 --> 00:04:21,427
I could've been anything.
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00:04:21,469 --> 00:04:22,971
Have you ever seen me
on the uneven bars?
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00:04:23,012 --> 00:04:25,682
He's like an eagle...with arms.
125
00:04:25,723 --> 00:04:27,141
And two legs.
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00:04:27,183 --> 00:04:28,768
And a monkey's face.
He's like a monkey.
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00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,645
It doesn't seem fair
that they can thrust
128
00:04:30,687 --> 00:04:32,105
these roles upon us.
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00:04:32,146 --> 00:04:34,107
Forcing us to build
miniature cities
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00:04:34,148 --> 00:04:35,692
in our basements.
131
00:04:37,443 --> 00:04:39,070
I'm building a miniature
city in my basement.
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00:04:39,112 --> 00:04:40,488
- It's actually pretty cool.
- 'Okay.'
133
00:04:40,530 --> 00:04:41,823
Forget skylights.
134
00:04:41,864 --> 00:04:42,865
If you could start any business
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00:04:42,907 --> 00:04:44,826
right now, what would it be?
136
00:04:45,994 --> 00:04:47,578
I'd be in the business
of rocking.
137
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,998
Ooh! Bad boy.
138
00:04:50,039 --> 00:04:51,666
I was in a dad band
a few years ago.
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00:04:51,708 --> 00:04:53,584
I played the bass guitar.
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00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:55,670
Slapped her silly.
Named her Rhoda.
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00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:57,797
I'm a big fan of that TV show.
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00:04:57,839 --> 00:05:00,550
Loved it.
Never missed an episode.
143
00:05:00,591 --> 00:05:03,720
Guys, we're dads,
dads who rock.
144
00:05:03,761 --> 00:05:05,471
Why is it..
145
00:05:05,513 --> 00:05:07,181
...we are not
rocking out together?
146
00:05:07,223 --> 00:05:09,225
- I don't know.
- That's a good question!
147
00:05:09,267 --> 00:05:10,476
Then what say ye?
148
00:05:10,518 --> 00:05:12,562
Dads, shall we redefine
who we are
149
00:05:12,603 --> 00:05:14,439
and define who it is
we want to be?
150
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,442
Yea, verily,
shall we do something
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00:05:17,483 --> 00:05:20,111
that our partners
can't control or dictate?
152
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:24,282
Shall we call our band
Sheila's Pets?
153
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:25,783
No, Fred.
No, we shall not.
154
00:05:25,825 --> 00:05:27,493
That is a terrible name.
155
00:05:27,535 --> 00:05:28,536
Oh.
156
00:05:32,665 --> 00:05:35,501
So how are you and the football
girls getting along?
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00:05:35,543 --> 00:05:37,962
- Great.
- I knew you'd hit it off.
158
00:05:38,004 --> 00:05:41,382
Amber's had a really
interesting journey.
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00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:45,762
She always wanted to date
Renaldo, our tight end
160
00:05:45,803 --> 00:05:47,930
but she used to be fat.
161
00:05:47,972 --> 00:05:50,266
Then she lost a ton of weight..
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00:05:52,727 --> 00:05:54,437
...and then they hooked up.
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00:05:56,022 --> 00:05:57,690
No. Yeah,
that's really interesting.
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00:05:57,732 --> 00:05:59,067
Yeah, it is interesting.
165
00:05:59,108 --> 00:06:01,486
It's interesting
and it's inspiring.
166
00:06:01,527 --> 00:06:03,237
Really inspiring.
167
00:06:03,279 --> 00:06:06,491
Yeah, she's...
got a great story.
168
00:06:06,532 --> 00:06:08,951
Oh, ah, that reminds me,
I'm supposed to give Renaldo
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00:06:08,993 --> 00:06:12,497
a noogie at 12:45.
I'd better go. Shoot.
170
00:06:12,538 --> 00:06:15,333
- Bye.
- Bye-bye. Bye.
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00:06:15,375 --> 00:06:16,918
So wait,
did you actually think
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00:06:16,959 --> 00:06:18,461
that girl's story
was interesting?
173
00:06:18,503 --> 00:06:19,754
- Nope.
- Right.
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00:06:19,796 --> 00:06:21,631
So why aren't you
being honest with Ryan?
175
00:06:21,672 --> 00:06:23,591
Okay, you know
how sometimes I can..
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00:06:23,633 --> 00:06:26,427
...be a little negative
or...smug?
177
00:06:26,469 --> 00:06:28,179
- Preachy at times.
- Right.
178
00:06:28,221 --> 00:06:30,056
- Soapboxy.
- Okay, Lisa. Yep.
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00:06:30,098 --> 00:06:33,851
I'm, I'm trying
not to do that.
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00:06:33,893 --> 00:06:35,603
I'm just trying
to be supportive.
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00:06:35,645 --> 00:06:37,605
Interesting.
182
00:06:37,647 --> 00:06:40,233
Well, I guess conformity's
a small price to pay
183
00:06:40,274 --> 00:06:44,695
if you wanna date a big,
beefy football player.
184
00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:46,989
S-so what, football's
a better sport than lacrosse?
185
00:06:47,031 --> 00:06:50,451
Yes, Malik. Ignore him.
186
00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:52,578
Maybe this is what it means
to be dating Ryan, right?
187
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:54,414
You know, some people's
physiques lend themselves
188
00:06:54,455 --> 00:06:57,083
more to lacrosse, which-which
is a lot harder than it looks.
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00:06:57,125 --> 00:06:59,168
You are embarrassing
yourself, Malik.
190
00:06:59,210 --> 00:07:01,963
No, you are.
Fawning over football players?
191
00:07:02,004 --> 00:07:03,423
I'd like to see
one of them make a fast break
192
00:07:03,464 --> 00:07:04,799
while maintaining his cradle.
193
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:07,510
Nobody knows what you're
talking about, Malik.
194
00:07:09,971 --> 00:07:11,597
- Should we--
- No, just eat your food.
195
00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:13,516
Don't cause a scene.
196
00:07:13,558 --> 00:07:16,644
Okay, so tonight we're working
on the giant paper banner
197
00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:18,771
that the team will run through
at the pep rally.
198
00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,940
Typically, we work
with puffy pens and glitter
199
00:07:20,982 --> 00:07:24,026
but if you wanna try
something else...don't.
200
00:07:24,068 --> 00:07:26,696
It's best if you just stick
with the puffy pens and glitter.
201
00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:29,866
- Okay.
- I love your enthusiasm, Tessa.
202
00:07:29,907 --> 00:07:31,742
[instrumental music]
203
00:07:31,784 --> 00:07:33,578
Alright. You got this?
204
00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:36,622
[chuckles]
I've played my fair share
of rock band.
205
00:07:36,664 --> 00:07:39,041
I'm talking four stars
for Black Hole Sun
206
00:07:39,083 --> 00:07:41,544
on "Expert" brosef.
207
00:07:41,586 --> 00:07:43,254
[drumbeats]
208
00:07:44,505 --> 00:07:46,507
Alright, not bad.
209
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:48,593
[guitar music]
210
00:07:49,844 --> 00:07:51,137
- Getting funky now.
- 'Funky?'
211
00:07:51,179 --> 00:07:52,889
I'm gonna funking funk the funk
212
00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:54,140
out of Rhoda tonight.
213
00:07:54,182 --> 00:07:56,601
Rhoda's a filthy lady.
214
00:07:56,642 --> 00:07:59,020
This is pretty sweet, guys.
Pretty sweet.
215
00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:01,731
I have to say, it felt good
to finally tell Sheila
216
00:08:01,772 --> 00:08:03,941
I found a deer tick
and had to run to urgent care.
217
00:08:03,983 --> 00:08:06,736
Okay, I, I hereby declare
the first rehearsal
218
00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:08,404
of Full-On Fatherly Assault
219
00:08:08,446 --> 00:08:12,658
or Fathers of Mass Destrocktion
in session!
220
00:08:12,700 --> 00:08:14,327
Yo!
221
00:08:14,368 --> 00:08:17,121
I see, so Sheila's Pets
isn't even on the ballot.
222
00:08:17,163 --> 00:08:18,831
No, and-and since
we're talking about it
223
00:08:18,873 --> 00:08:21,709
I'm also vetoing the "Chickity
China" song from the set list.
224
00:08:21,751 --> 00:08:22,835
- What?
- 'Yeah.'
225
00:08:22,877 --> 00:08:23,961
That's not the name of the song
226
00:08:24,003 --> 00:08:25,505
and no one wants to sing it.
227
00:08:25,546 --> 00:08:27,632
Nobody wants to sing
about Chinese chicken?
228
00:08:27,673 --> 00:08:29,509
- I don't.
- Ne-neither of us do.
229
00:08:29,550 --> 00:08:31,761
♪ Chickity China
the Chinese chicken ♪♪
230
00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:34,347
Yes, I'm familiar with it.
Still a no.
231
00:08:34,388 --> 00:08:36,682
Sit down.
Let's do this. Here we go.
232
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:43,105
- Is that a frog?
- What?
233
00:08:43,147 --> 00:08:44,774
Are you, are you drawing
a frog on the banner?
234
00:08:44,815 --> 00:08:46,317
You're not,
you're not supposed to.
235
00:08:46,359 --> 00:08:47,902
Oh, I..
236
00:08:47,944 --> 00:08:49,362
...just..
237
00:08:49,403 --> 00:08:51,197
...know how to draw them, so..
238
00:08:51,239 --> 00:08:52,907
Yeah, I would, I would
just stick to the letters
239
00:08:52,949 --> 00:08:54,617
because if we draw pictures
the players will
240
00:08:54,659 --> 00:08:56,327
stop and look at 'em
instead of--
241
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:59,205
Destroying the artwork
we spent all night making?
242
00:08:59,247 --> 00:09:01,999
You seem a little bit on edge.
243
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,417
If you sniff the tip,
you can catch a buzz.
244
00:09:03,459 --> 00:09:05,503
Makes the night go faster.
245
00:09:05,545 --> 00:09:08,339
Yeah, I know another way
246
00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:10,132
to make the night go by faster.
247
00:09:10,174 --> 00:09:11,676
Know what it's called?
248
00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:13,761
Going home!
249
00:09:13,803 --> 00:09:16,264
Tessa.
250
00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:18,349
- Keep your voice down.
- What's that?
251
00:09:18,391 --> 00:09:21,727
Oh, you think it's dumb
we can't draw frogs? I agree!
252
00:09:21,769 --> 00:09:24,021
- I never, I-I never said that.
- Come on!
253
00:09:24,063 --> 00:09:25,731
I'm sure there's
all sorts of things you girls
254
00:09:25,773 --> 00:09:27,650
wish you could do, but you
can't, because you're here.
255
00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:29,652
You know what's better
than being here--
256
00:09:29,694 --> 00:09:31,070
There's nothing better.
She's drunk.
257
00:09:31,112 --> 00:09:32,655
I smell alcohol
on her breath.
258
00:09:32,697 --> 00:09:35,241
Well, it's called..
259
00:09:43,583 --> 00:09:46,002
...going home.
260
00:09:46,043 --> 00:09:49,088
I didn't wanna get on
a soapbox, but I am on one.
261
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:52,174
Girls, your needs
are just as important
262
00:09:52,216 --> 00:09:53,634
as football players'.
263
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:55,928
Look at Stephanie here.
She's hungry.
264
00:09:55,970 --> 00:09:57,680
She wants to go out for a slice.
265
00:09:57,722 --> 00:09:59,265
How did she know that?
266
00:09:59,307 --> 00:10:01,475
And you. What's your name?
267
00:10:01,517 --> 00:10:05,146
- I'm Derek's girlfriend.
- What is your name, child?
268
00:10:05,187 --> 00:10:10,026
- I wanna say...Joan.
- I bet you do.
269
00:10:10,067 --> 00:10:11,986
[clicks tongue]
You look like a Joan.
270
00:10:12,028 --> 00:10:14,238
And what about that girl
over there
271
00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:16,407
with a bloody Jersey
wrapped around her hand?
272
00:10:16,449 --> 00:10:18,534
Shouldn't she be seen
by a doctor?
273
00:10:18,576 --> 00:10:21,746
- Sean says it's in my head.
- It's not in your head.
274
00:10:21,787 --> 00:10:24,415
You are bleeding from your hand.
275
00:10:24,457 --> 00:10:26,792
She should be in urgent care
and we should
276
00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:29,003
all be at home watching TV.
277
00:10:29,045 --> 00:10:31,672
It is 9:30 on a Wednesday night
278
00:10:31,714 --> 00:10:33,591
and there has gotta
be something good on.
279
00:10:33,633 --> 00:10:35,468
I'm going home to watch it.
280
00:10:35,509 --> 00:10:37,470
Who's with me?
281
00:10:38,804 --> 00:10:41,682
[guitar music]
282
00:10:45,936 --> 00:10:49,690
♪ Day after day
I'm more confused ♪
283
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:53,069
♪ And I look for the light ♪
284
00:10:53,110 --> 00:10:55,738
♪ Through the pouring rain ♪
285
00:10:58,240 --> 00:10:59,617
♪ You know that's a game ♪
286
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:02,370
♪ That I hate to lose ♪
287
00:11:04,455 --> 00:11:07,541
♪ And I'm feeling the strain ♪
288
00:11:07,583 --> 00:11:09,669
♪ Yeah ain't it a shame ♪
289
00:11:09,710 --> 00:11:11,629
♪ Oh give me the beat boys ♪
290
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:13,339
♪ And free my soul ♪
291
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:16,300
♪ I wanna get lost
in your rock 'n' roll ♪
292
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:18,344
♪ And drift away ♪
293
00:11:21,681 --> 00:11:22,932
♪ Oh ♪
294
00:11:22,973 --> 00:11:24,266
♪ Give me the beat boys ♪
295
00:11:24,308 --> 00:11:25,893
♪ And free my soul ♪
296
00:11:25,935 --> 00:11:28,854
♪ I wanna get lost
in Fred's rock 'n' roll ♪
297
00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:30,564
♪ And drift away ♪
298
00:11:30,606 --> 00:11:31,691
♪ Oh ♪♪
299
00:11:31,732 --> 00:11:33,943
Drift away, Freddie!
Drift away!
300
00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:35,945
Yeah!
301
00:11:35,986 --> 00:11:38,197
What in blue blazes
are you doing?
302
00:11:38,239 --> 00:11:39,240
Uh, Sheila--
303
00:11:39,281 --> 00:11:40,449
Your filthy noise is polluting
304
00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:41,742
the entire neighborhood
305
00:11:41,784 --> 00:11:43,369
particularly the lead vocals.
306
00:11:43,411 --> 00:11:45,204
You're pitchy, George,
very pitchy.
307
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:46,706
But the base was good, right?
308
00:11:46,747 --> 00:11:48,040
- I'm pitchy?
- Yeah.
309
00:11:48,082 --> 00:11:51,711
Okay, I'd like to see
you do better.
310
00:11:51,752 --> 00:11:53,003
Okay.
311
00:11:55,548 --> 00:11:57,383
"Barracuda." Hit it.
312
00:11:57,425 --> 00:12:00,386
[rock music]
313
00:12:04,598 --> 00:12:06,225
♪ So this ain't the end ♪
314
00:12:06,267 --> 00:12:08,686
♪ I saw you again ♪
315
00:12:08,728 --> 00:12:10,479
♪ Today ♪
316
00:12:10,521 --> 00:12:13,274
♪ I had to turn my heart away ♪
317
00:12:15,901 --> 00:12:17,445
♪ Smiled like the sun ♪
318
00:12:17,486 --> 00:12:21,490
♪ Kisses for everyone ♪
319
00:12:21,532 --> 00:12:26,328
♪ And tales it never fails ♪
320
00:12:26,370 --> 00:12:30,416
♪ You lying so low
in the weeds ♪
321
00:12:30,458 --> 00:12:33,461
♪ I bet you gonna ambush me ♪
322
00:12:33,502 --> 00:12:34,879
♪ You'd have me down ♪
323
00:12:34,920 --> 00:12:37,006
♪ Down down down ♪
324
00:12:37,047 --> 00:12:38,841
♪ On my knees ♪
325
00:12:38,883 --> 00:12:42,011
♪ Now wouldn't you barracuda ♪
326
00:12:43,179 --> 00:12:45,055
♪ Oh oh ♪♪
327
00:12:45,097 --> 00:12:48,058
[music continues]
328
00:12:52,563 --> 00:12:54,231
So..
329
00:12:54,273 --> 00:12:56,400
- Sheila's Pets?
- No, man.
330
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:58,277
Th-this is a dad band.
331
00:12:58,319 --> 00:13:01,113
But Sheila is undeniable.
You saw her.
332
00:13:01,155 --> 00:13:03,657
Guys...I have been in a lot
333
00:13:03,699 --> 00:13:05,743
of bands in my life,
high school punk bands
334
00:13:05,785 --> 00:13:07,745
college alt bands,
I was briefly a member
335
00:13:07,787 --> 00:13:09,497
of Five For Fighting
before they got big
336
00:13:09,538 --> 00:13:12,124
and I have never in my life
337
00:13:12,166 --> 00:13:15,294
felt the kind of spark...
I did tonight.
338
00:13:15,336 --> 00:13:16,337
What are you saying?
339
00:13:16,378 --> 00:13:17,379
I'm saying I think we should
340
00:13:17,421 --> 00:13:18,798
let Sheila in the band.
341
00:13:18,839 --> 00:13:21,425
Oh. Get a hold of yourself, man!
342
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:23,427
Guys, we could be good!
343
00:13:23,469 --> 00:13:25,429
Do you understand what
that means? We could be good!
344
00:13:25,471 --> 00:13:28,432
Not dad-band good,
but real-band good.
345
00:13:28,474 --> 00:13:31,644
Look, I joined
Fathers of Mass Destrocktion
346
00:13:31,685 --> 00:13:35,481
or I was also thinking
Mein Vater Band because..
347
00:13:35,523 --> 00:13:36,565
...we stood for something.
348
00:13:36,607 --> 00:13:38,275
We stood for not hanging out
349
00:13:38,317 --> 00:13:39,318
'with our wives'
350
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,486
and taking back the night.
351
00:13:40,528 --> 00:13:41,570
What about the hanging out
352
00:13:41,612 --> 00:13:42,613
George?
353
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:44,031
What about the chips and dip?
354
00:13:44,073 --> 00:13:45,741
Guys, I'm sorry.
355
00:13:45,783 --> 00:13:47,660
I think considering
I'm the lead singer
356
00:13:47,701 --> 00:13:50,162
and the guitarist,
and I started this band
357
00:13:50,204 --> 00:13:52,164
I gotta make the call
on this one.
358
00:13:53,666 --> 00:13:55,751
I have to do what's best
for Sheila's Pets.
359
00:13:58,003 --> 00:13:59,463
Well..
360
00:13:59,505 --> 00:14:00,756
...then you do it alone.
361
00:14:00,798 --> 00:14:02,716
My friend..
362
00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:04,468
...you do it alone.
363
00:14:04,510 --> 00:14:06,053
Come on, Fred.
364
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:12,560
Our garage wasn't the only
place spirits were down.
365
00:14:12,601 --> 00:14:15,020
And finally, the quarterback
366
00:14:15,062 --> 00:14:17,648
that I would pay a dollar for
367
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,316
the one, the only
368
00:14:19,358 --> 00:14:24,196
Ryan "The Body" Sha-a-ay!
369
00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:27,199
[instrumental music]
370
00:14:37,042 --> 00:14:38,502
Come on, Chatswin.
371
00:14:38,544 --> 00:14:41,630
'Where's your spirit?'
372
00:14:41,672 --> 00:14:43,424
[snoring]
373
00:14:43,465 --> 00:14:45,593
What the hell?
374
00:14:45,634 --> 00:14:47,177
'Where's all the football
girlfriends?'
375
00:14:47,219 --> 00:14:48,846
(Tessa)
'Whoo!'
376
00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:52,099
There is very little pep
at this rally.
377
00:14:52,141 --> 00:14:55,352
I might have had
one of my soapbox incidents.
378
00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:58,439
Yeah, I kinda liberated
the girls from their servitude
379
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,525
and unintentionally
empowered them.
380
00:15:01,567 --> 00:15:03,527
Mmm. Ryan's gonna kill you.
381
00:15:04,486 --> 00:15:07,281
Who did this? Huh?
382
00:15:07,323 --> 00:15:10,534
Show yourself!
It's okay. Get up, boys!
383
00:15:10,576 --> 00:15:12,953
We can win still!
We can win.
384
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:15,080
While I had dashed
Ryan's dreams of glory
385
00:15:15,122 --> 00:15:16,874
George had hired
some session musicians
386
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:19,668
and was making
his own dreams come true..
387
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:21,545
...with Sheila.
388
00:15:21,587 --> 00:15:25,174
♪ Hey I want candy ♪
389
00:15:26,300 --> 00:15:28,677
♪ Hoo ♪
390
00:15:28,719 --> 00:15:31,513
Put some stank on it, George.
Come on!
391
00:15:31,555 --> 00:15:33,849
♪ Whoo whoo ♪
392
00:15:35,726 --> 00:15:37,686
Alright, let's take five.
Let's take five.
393
00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:40,481
Sounds great, guys.
394
00:15:40,522 --> 00:15:43,817
I know rocking's
a thirsty business, so I..
395
00:15:43,859 --> 00:15:45,819
Oh! Oh, Sheila.
396
00:15:45,861 --> 00:15:48,030
- We don't take requests.
- No.
397
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:52,159
I just thought George's band
was a daddy-only thing.
398
00:15:52,201 --> 00:15:53,619
Isn't that
what you told me, daddy?
399
00:15:53,661 --> 00:15:56,830
Well, you know what?
It was. Uh, but then..
400
00:15:56,872 --> 00:15:58,540
- The thing is, uh..
- 'George?'
401
00:15:58,582 --> 00:16:00,584
- Yeah?
- Tell your piece to hit it.
402
00:16:00,626 --> 00:16:03,087
Sorry. We have a no-yoko policy.
403
00:16:03,128 --> 00:16:04,672
- Okay.
- Ah!
404
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:09,718
Hey.
405
00:16:09,760 --> 00:16:13,222
- We lost the game.
- I'm sorry.
406
00:16:13,263 --> 00:16:16,725
No one even got to run through
a paper banner made of paper.
407
00:16:16,767 --> 00:16:18,477
I know.
408
00:16:18,519 --> 00:16:21,981
That's everyone's favorite part
of football, Tessa.
409
00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:24,274
That's why half of us started
playing in the first place.
410
00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:27,069
I mean, how can we beat a team
that got to run through paper
411
00:16:27,111 --> 00:16:28,362
when we haven't
had the advantage of running
412
00:16:28,404 --> 00:16:29,822
through paper ourselves?
413
00:16:29,863 --> 00:16:32,574
Is it possible you're putting
too much importance
414
00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:34,368
on running through paper?
415
00:16:34,410 --> 00:16:37,705
Is it possible
that you're crazy?
416
00:16:37,746 --> 00:16:40,249
Look, Ryan, those girls
making your banners
417
00:16:40,290 --> 00:16:42,710
they're out there
pursuing their own interests.
418
00:16:42,751 --> 00:16:46,630
They're eating pizza and
becoming well-rounded people.
419
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:48,549
Their sole purpose in life
cannot be
420
00:16:48,590 --> 00:16:50,551
to worship their boyfriends.
421
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:53,303
You did this?
422
00:16:53,345 --> 00:16:56,390
I didn't mean to dismantle
the system, but, yeah, I did.
423
00:16:56,432 --> 00:17:00,644
And I'm really sorry
if you're upset.
424
00:17:00,686 --> 00:17:02,312
I should've known
you didn't really wanna
425
00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:05,190
fit in with my friends.
426
00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:08,110
You always
have to shake it up.
427
00:17:08,152 --> 00:17:09,737
You always have to make..
428
00:17:09,778 --> 00:17:12,406
...people...think.
429
00:17:12,448 --> 00:17:14,575
I am a thinker, Ryan.
I think.
430
00:17:14,616 --> 00:17:16,618
I thought
you liked that about me.
431
00:17:16,660 --> 00:17:18,662
Think again, thinker.
432
00:17:19,705 --> 00:17:21,331
Think again.
433
00:17:29,173 --> 00:17:32,551
- Dallas, lemme explain, please.
- There's nothing to explain,.
434
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:34,803
You started your little band
with your little friends
435
00:17:34,845 --> 00:17:37,389
so you could avoid doing
fun printing jobs with me.
436
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,808
Look, Dallas,
now I, I know you
437
00:17:39,850 --> 00:17:41,935
want me to be rich
and powerful
438
00:17:41,977 --> 00:17:44,688
and to grow my business
into some huge empire
439
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:47,775
but part of me is unwilling
to admit that I am this
440
00:17:47,816 --> 00:17:50,027
and-and not this.
441
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:52,821
A toilet?
442
00:17:52,863 --> 00:17:54,323
Oh, that was supposed
to be Rolling Stone.
443
00:17:54,364 --> 00:17:55,699
But you know what I mean.
444
00:17:55,741 --> 00:17:57,659
George, I will support you
whether you wanna be
445
00:17:57,701 --> 00:18:01,997
the skylight king or the King
of Leon, whoever the hell he is.
446
00:18:02,039 --> 00:18:05,584
Really? Because you were coming
at me so hard with those flyers.
447
00:18:05,626 --> 00:18:07,252
It-it kind of felt like
448
00:18:07,294 --> 00:18:08,629
like you were trying
to change me.
449
00:18:08,670 --> 00:18:11,256
I spent $7000
on a printer, George.
450
00:18:11,298 --> 00:18:13,342
Seven thousand dollars!
451
00:18:13,383 --> 00:18:15,886
I sure as hell better use it.
452
00:18:15,928 --> 00:18:17,304
Look..
453
00:18:17,346 --> 00:18:20,015
...sometimes when a woman
spends too much money
454
00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:22,017
on something
she really doesn't need
455
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:24,186
she tries to cram it down
everyone else's throats
456
00:18:24,228 --> 00:18:25,979
to justify the purchase.
457
00:18:26,021 --> 00:18:27,689
Surely you can understand that.
458
00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:29,358
Well, I'm sorry, Dallas.
459
00:18:29,399 --> 00:18:31,443
I, I guess I was being
a little defensive
460
00:18:31,485 --> 00:18:33,904
because Steven was such--
461
00:18:33,946 --> 00:18:37,950
An absolute skid mark on
the pristine panties of my soul?
462
00:18:37,991 --> 00:18:40,536
No matter how much money
that man had
463
00:18:40,577 --> 00:18:42,663
it wasn't enough to keep me.
464
00:18:44,498 --> 00:18:46,875
I'm glad to hear you say that.
465
00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:48,210
Hey. You know what?
466
00:18:48,252 --> 00:18:50,379
Our band does need some flyers.
467
00:18:50,420 --> 00:18:53,132
Now, do you know anyone that has
a $7000 printer who could help?
468
00:18:53,173 --> 00:18:55,425
You know I do.
469
00:18:55,467 --> 00:18:57,678
Okay.
470
00:18:57,719 --> 00:18:59,888
What's the name of your band?
471
00:18:59,930 --> 00:19:01,014
Uh..
472
00:19:02,015 --> 00:19:03,517
[school bell ringing]
473
00:19:03,559 --> 00:19:06,520
[instrumental music]
474
00:19:10,190 --> 00:19:12,151
- Interception.
- Funny.
475
00:19:12,943 --> 00:19:14,319
Thanks.
476
00:19:16,488 --> 00:19:19,658
I'm really sorry...
about yesterday.
477
00:19:19,700 --> 00:19:22,870
It's possible that I
overreacted a little bit.
478
00:19:22,911 --> 00:19:24,371
But you made me think.
479
00:19:24,413 --> 00:19:26,456
I didn't want to,
but you made me
480
00:19:26,498 --> 00:19:29,543
like you always do,
and I think..
481
00:19:29,585 --> 00:19:31,587
...that everyone
needs to be cheered for
482
00:19:31,628 --> 00:19:33,589
not just us guys.
483
00:19:35,340 --> 00:19:37,509
So.. Bros?
484
00:19:41,221 --> 00:19:43,140
What's this?
485
00:19:43,182 --> 00:19:46,435
I want you to see how good
it feels to run through paper.
486
00:19:46,476 --> 00:19:48,103
I don't wanna run through paper.
487
00:19:48,145 --> 00:19:50,022
I did your thing.
Now you're gonna try mine.
488
00:19:51,732 --> 00:19:52,983
I want you to know
how good it feels
489
00:19:53,025 --> 00:19:54,985
to have someone
rooting for you.
490
00:19:56,862 --> 00:19:58,655
Okay. Fine.
491
00:19:58,697 --> 00:20:01,575
[instrumental music]
492
00:20:03,076 --> 00:20:05,871
Three, two, one!
493
00:20:08,081 --> 00:20:09,082
Go!
494
00:20:09,124 --> 00:20:11,501
[music continues]
495
00:20:11,543 --> 00:20:14,671
I had to admit,
it was pretty exhilarating..
496
00:20:16,089 --> 00:20:18,342
...and a little embarrassing.
497
00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:20,719
Whoo!
498
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:22,512
Crush those numbers, Tessa!
499
00:20:22,554 --> 00:20:24,598
'Destroy that math!'
500
00:20:24,640 --> 00:20:25,641
'Yeah!'
501
00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:29,478
Are all the parks
clothing-optional?
502
00:20:29,519 --> 00:20:32,272
Yeah, but I haven't been able
to find any nude figurines
503
00:20:32,314 --> 00:20:33,482
at that scale, so..
504
00:20:33,523 --> 00:20:34,858
Okay.
505
00:20:36,818 --> 00:20:38,904
"Chinese Chicken."
506
00:20:38,946 --> 00:20:42,032
And, you, you get to name
the band whatever you want.
507
00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:44,910
I don't know, George.
508
00:20:44,952 --> 00:20:46,578
I think it's kind of ruined now.
509
00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:48,288
Yeah, and if you love
Sheila so much
510
00:20:48,330 --> 00:20:50,457
why don't you marry her?
Please don't.
511
00:20:50,499 --> 00:20:52,918
Look, you have every right
to be upset with me
512
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,544
but it's, it's been..
513
00:20:56,088 --> 00:20:58,131
♪ One week
since you looked at me ♪
514
00:20:59,466 --> 00:21:00,634
♪ Cocked your head to the side ♪
515
00:21:00,676 --> 00:21:02,302
♪ And said I'm angry ♪
516
00:21:05,639 --> 00:21:07,266
♪ Five days
since you laughed at me ♪
517
00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:09,309
♪ Chickity China
the Chinese chicken ♪♪
518
00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:10,602
- No, Fred. No.
- No, it's too soon.
519
00:21:10,644 --> 00:21:12,104
It's never too soon.
520
00:21:12,145 --> 00:21:13,897
♪ Hot like wasabi
when I bust rhymes ♪
521
00:21:13,939 --> 00:21:16,191
♪ Big like LeAnn Rimes
because I'm all about value ♪
522
00:21:16,233 --> 00:21:18,610
♪ Bert Kaempfert's got the mad
hits you try to match wits ♪
523
00:21:18,652 --> 00:21:20,112
♪ You try to hold me
but I bust through ♪
524
00:21:20,153 --> 00:21:21,863
♪ Gonna make a break
and take a fake ♪
525
00:21:21,905 --> 00:21:23,365
♪ I'd like a stinkin'
achin' shake I like vanilla ♪
526
00:21:23,407 --> 00:21:24,992
♪ It's the finest
of the flavors ♪♪
37986
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