All language subtitles for suburgatory.s02e06.1080p.web.h264-failed_track3_[eng]

(Tessa)
We're in a perpetual state
of transformation.

A caterpillar transforms
into a butterfly.

Thanks to a biological process
known as metamorphosis.

And George was in the middle
of a transformation of his own.

Thanks to a biological process
known as dating Dallas Royce.

(Dallas)
'Oh, George, look at you'

emerging from that dressing room

like some kind
of beautiful butterfly.

You know, I never thought
I could pull the whole

shoulder-draping sweater
thing off, but..

...I do. I pull it off.

And by moving the plaid
from up top to down low

'you're creating visual
intrigue near your quads.'

Uh-huh.

Oh, yeah. That's right.

- 'I love it.'
- Really, George?

'Cause I don't want you
to say you like something

just 'cause I like it.

I want you to be happy.

I-I am happy.

I'm happy
because you're happy.

[instrumental music]

He is my snipes
in shining armor, y'all.

(Tess)
George and Dallas' relationship
was on cruise control.

But Lisa and Malik's
had flipped over the divider

into oncoming traffic
and caused a four-car pileup.

Their breakup was messy.

Lisa.

You're looking well.
You-you going to French?

Whether I'm headed to French
or into another man's arms

is none of your business.

My class schedule
and personal whereabouts

are no longer your concern.

So I guess you don't wanna talk
about getting back together?

The only thing I wanna talk
about is the safe return

of the scrunchies
I left in your mother's car.

There was a cheetah print.

A cheetah print?

[instrumental music]

(Tess)
A messy breakup posed no threat
to my relationship, luckily.

My tablet and I were still
in the honeymoon stage

and let me tell you,
the two of us

were made for each other.

My tablet made me laugh.

Made me cry.

And the two of us, we didn't
play games with each other

unless you count "Frogger."

[instrumental music]

Hey, Sheila.

Excuse me?

Do I look like a Sheila to you?

- Well, yeah, you do kinda.
- Really?

Is it the garden clogs?
It's the garden clogs.

- Isn't it?
- Or the sun hat.

Okay, but let me
tell you something.

There is not an anti-aging cream
on the market

that does what a wide-brimmed
sun hat can do.

You take heed, Tessa.
Your skin is awfully fair.

- Okay. I'll take heed, George.
- Mm-hmm.

Can I have that back, please?
Thank you.

Now if you need me,
I will be spending

my weekend in bed
with a scary old man.

Edgar Allan Poe.

You know, you could've just said
you were gonna go read.

[intense music]

Howdy.

J-X-5-2-1-3.

J-X-5-2-1-3.
J-X-5-2-1-3.

What can I do for you?
J-X-5-2-1-3.

Can I help you with something?

'J-X-5-2-1-3.'

Okay. You looking
to get wet today, son?

You pulled down the wrong
cul-de-sac, girl.

What you got?

What you got?

I got, I got two kids!

George.

Theo. Cyrus.

Hey there, Georgie.

George.
That was priceless, buddy.

You ran like a scared
little rabbit.

I thought you were gonna slip
and fall on your trowel there.

Okay, well, that, that,
that's a pruning snip

so joke's on you.

What the heck
you guys doing in Chatswin?

Oh, We're putting in a bid for
that big job up in Scarsdale.

They're adding a concert hall
to that

performing arts
building they put up there.

Yeah, gonna be a huge job,
Georgie

just a huge job.

That sounds huge.

No, it is, George. It's huge.

Anyway, Theo remembered that
you moved to Chatswin, and, uh

since we were so close,
we decided to look you up.

Honestly,
I hardly recognized you, George.

You're looking
very suburban, bro.

Yoo-hoo! George! Yoo-hoo!

Why don't we head inside
and crack open a cold one, huh?

We're twins today, George!

Twinsies!

[instrumental music]

Well, I might expect the cold
shoulder from other people

but I did not see
that coming from my twinsie.

[theme song]

♪ Last night I had ♪

♪ A pleasant nightmare ♪

♪ Na na na na na na na ♪♪

[knocks on door]

Jorge.

(Lisa)
'Tessa? I-I'm sorry.'

'I don't speak Spanish.
Are you in there?'

Hey, Lisa.

Hey there, BFF.

Is this a BTFY?

Bad time for you?

Uh, no, I was just enjoying
some alone time...alone.

(Lisa)
'Great, since I'm now a totally
independent woman'

who doesn't rely on a man
for emotional stability

I thought I'd fill every second
of my newfound freedom

by spending time with you.

Girl time.

What's with the trunk?

Oh, this is my sleepover trunk.

It has all
of my sleepover essentials.

Go ahead.
Pop the hood.

[clears throat]

[instrumental music]

Yes, scrapbooking supplies,
airbrushing supplies

tie-dying supplies.

What is...this?

Oh, that, my friend,
is what I like to call

the piece de re-fish-tance.

A dead fish?

A dead friendship fish.

Oh, I see.
And is that a freshwater?

I caught it for us,
Tessa, in Friendship Lake

while I was at Macrame camp
this summer.

Local camp legend says

that if two people partake
in the same friendship fish

then they'll be friends forever.

What do you mean by "Partake"?

Aha! It's your lucky day, gents!

I didn't want to make any
promises I couldn't keep

but ta-da,
diet grapefruit spritzers.

Truth is, just as refreshing
as regular spritzers.

Zero calories.

Forget it. No-brainer.

Mmm!

It's lively.

So, George,
what have you been up to

since you left the firm?

You know, other than taking care

of your two kids.

Uh, well, a-actually,
it's, it's just the one.

I thought you guys
were gonna kill me

and that you'd be more
sympathetic if I had two kids.

You know,
"I've got two kids!"

Could you shoot?

I-I couldn't.

Anyway, what have I been up to?
Uh..

Oh. Installed a handful of,
uh, skylights around town.

Installed the hell out of 'em.

In fact it's kinda funny,
people around here

uh, started calling me
the "Skylight King."

That's not funny.

I'd kick someone's ass
if they called me that.

Yeah. No, I did.

I kicked everybody's asses

then I went off and did some
other non-skylight..

...related things.
Would you mind?

Okay, I am bugging out
right now, George.

You're like a different person.
Huh?

Suburban life has really
domesticated you.

I mean, it-it's like he's a real
housewife of Chatswin county.

Don't be silly.

Chatswin's not a county.

[microwave dings]

Look, there might be some

surface differences

between New York George

and Chatswin George

but down deep inside,
I am the same old guy.

[instrumental music]

Oh, come on!
These are slice and bake.

Just like any tough guy
from New York would make.

Whew. Uh, wow.

Speaking of that, man,
you know what?

- 'We gotta hit the road.'
- Yeah, we got that, uh..

Okay. Hey. Come on.

G-guys, alright,
you know what?

Screw these scrumptious,
flaky, piping hot pastries.

Let's go grab some
real grub, huh?

Some burgers and gin and some
kind of real edgy dessert.

You know,
some kinda chocolate volcano

just goes straight
to your taste buds and..

[imitates explosion]

(Tess)
While George was trying
to rekindle an old friendship

my BFF was demanding
my undivided attention.

Are you sure
this is fit for consumption?

Fit for consumption?

It's been smoking
for the past month

in my closet.

I borrowed
my dad's electric smoker.

He bought it
from an in-flight magazine.

Um, before we dig in
maybe we should, um..

...work up an appetite first.

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

I doubt it.

What she was thinking
was two and half hours

of arts and crafts that started
with airbrushing t-shirts

and ended
with watermelon helmets.

The evening
couldn't get any worse.

Okay, now you want to sing
"Friends" by Bette Midler

or "One true friend"
by Bette Midler?

Uh, you know what, Lisa?

I'm actually
feeling kind of tired.

I mean, what time is it?

It's already 6:45.

'Your a low blood sugar'

which means it's time
for the you-know-what.

Ye old fish of friends.

- Doesn't it look delicious?
- Hmm..

Actually, you know what?
You deserve the first bite.

In fact,
I'll just feed it to you.

[instrumental music]

[doorbell rings]
Doorbell!

You know, when I first moved
here, it was hard, I'll admit.

Coming from Manhattan, it was
total culture shock, you know?

But I've actually met some
pretty genuine people here.

Hey, Georgie boy,
what's the skinny?

What is
happening-a-ling-a-ding-dong?

What-what-what's going on?
What is this?

Well, we heard your New York

friends were in town

so we thought we would bada bing

and that we would
forget about it!

Do you,
do you know these clowns?

Uh, yes. A-Actually,
this is my neighbor Fred.

Vinnie Boombatz, but folks
around here call me "Cha-Cha"

on account of me being
the best dancer in Chatswin.

Dig?

- Pardon us.
- Mm.

Guys?

What, what has gotten
into you two?

Look, we just
wanted to show your friends

how cool us Chatswinelenos
could be

and for some reason,
Fred thought that meant

dressing up like
a 1950s greaser.

I'll have you know
that Vinnie Boombatz was a hit

at last year's "Grease" themed
fund-raiser for cystic fibrosis.

We just didn't want you
to be embarrassed of us, George.

I'm-I'm sorry, you did

or you didn't
want me to be embarrassed?

- Didn't.
- Didn't. I..

Yikes.

Dude, I know
you're counting down the days

'until Tessa turns 18.'

I mean, once she leaves,
you ain't got nothing

keeping you here
with Vinnie Boombatz.

Aye!

Well, a-actually, I think--

I mean, the burgers are okay.

But this place
is full of phonies.

Fake nose, fake boobs,
fake tan, fake hair.

No, I know.
Tell me about it.

- And all on one chick.
- Yeah.

Oh, that chick.

(Dallas)
'Oh!'

Well, hiya, hunk.

Hi. Guys,
this is Dallas, my girlfriend.

Dallas,
this is Theo and Cyrus.

- Hi.
- We used to work together.

Oh, it's just super, super-duper

meeting some of George's
New York friends.

In fact,
this might be a double duper

which would make it
super-super-duper-duper.

Yeah, well, okay, sweetheart,
um, I'm a little worried

they're gonna run out
of the chocolate volcanoes.

- Would you?
- Ooh! Good call.

I'm on it, cuz.
Manhattan, I love it.

Well, she is just super, George.

Mm. No. No. Super-duper.

Okay, so you guys
are kidding, but she is.

I don't get it, are,
are you dating her

like, ironically--

Oh, no, or, or
are you writing some

kind of a long-form humor essay?

Okay, look, you can make fun
of my Crescent rolls

and-and my gardening implements
and even Vinnie Boombatz.

(Fred)
'Aye!'

But that woman is warm,
and she is kind

and she will do anything
for the people she cares about.

You guys have been in Chatswin,
what, all of three hours?

And-and you have everyone
here pegged. You know what?

Why don't you just head back
to midtown, where you came from?

(Theo)
'Well, good luck
with everything, Skylight King.'

And, hey, if we need a sellout
to, uh, put in a roof window

we'll give you a call.

Oh, really? A-a roof window?

Yeah,
because that's all they are.

Boom.

Oh! Wow!

As far as I am concerned,
nobody exaggerates and distorts

the essence of any person,
animal, or object quite

like old Charlie here.

I have to go to the bathroom.

Oh, perfect, because I
actually wanted Charlie

to do a couple of candid shots

like maybe I could be in
the background shaving my legs.

No, Lisa, this is something
that I have to do alone.

Uh, hello, Mrs. Shay.

This is, Fire Inspector..

...Charmin.

Well, we have received a report

about a possible safety hazard.

I'm so sorry, Tessa.

I know how much
this night meant to you!

(Tessa)
Part of me felt bad
for ratting out Lisa.

Come here, sexy.

But most of me just
wanted to get back

to the main man in my life.

Those guys
don't take me seriously.

Oop. Sorry, baby. You got
chocolate sauce on your head.

Let me tell you something.
I went to college with Theo.

I'm twice the architect he is
and Cyrus is like

the least creative dude I know.

Then why don't you just
out-whatever those losers

on whatever it is
they're whatever-ing?

What do you mean?

Undercut their bid on the
Scarsdale performing arts center

addition by presenting
something more cost-effective

but equally
striking aesthetically?

Yeah, George.
That's what I said.

[heart beating]

(fish)
'Tessa.'

Hello?

(fish)
'Tessa.'

[intense music]

Friendship, Tessa.

I gave my life for it,
and you threw it back!

[screaming]

[laughing]

(Tessa)
At that moment,
I realized two things.

One, my relationship
with electronics

was overshadowing
my relationship with Lisa.

And two, I was reading
way too much Poe.

[instrumental music]

You know, George,
I'm no expert on the subject

but from where I stand
you are architecturing

the hell out of those designs.

Oh, just triple the number
of ladies' rooms

and you've got yourself
a winner.

(Tessa)
The next morning, I decided
to take the fish's advice

and make things
right with Lisa.

I'm not home.

Hey. What is with the outfit?

Got sentenced to roadside
cleanup after my mom found out

about the unlicensed smoker
in my closet.

About that.

- I'm sorry.
- Oh, it's not your fault.

If Fire Inspector Charmin hadn't
been so damn good at his job--

No, that's me.
I'm Fire Inspector Charmin.

I'm the one who ratted you out.

I'm so sorry, Lisa.

I just didn't want to sing
any more Bette Midler songs.

What?

I don't understand.

The divine Miss M
has cornered the market

on songs about friendship.

Ask anybody
who's ever had a friend.

Look, Lisa, ever since you
and Malik hooked up

you and I have been spending
a lot less time together

and I'm not mad.

I'm not mad, but I adapted.

I started my own relationship.

You got a lot of nerve showing
up here with that e-reader.

It's a tablet, Lisa.

A really versatile tablet..

...with a full-sized USB port

and an integrated kickstand

and a really sizable hard drive.

I get it, I mean, it was there
for you when I wasn't

and unlike me,
it doesn't just show up

when its boyfriend
is out of town.

I'm really happy for you guys.

You look really cute together.

So if you'll excuse me

I have to go pick up tampon

applicators in the park.

Lisa, wait.

There is one thing
this tablet can't do.

Pick up tampon applicators
in the park?

Okay, two things.

It can't eat friendship fish
with its best friend.

Well, not this generation,
anyway.

Friends forever.

Friends forever.

[instrumental music]

Wow. That is smoky.

Mmm! That is super smoky.

Mm-hmm.

But not bad.

You can taste the friendship.

(male #1)
'Let's go! Let's go!'

What did this to you?

What-what did you ingest?

Friendship.

[vomiting]

[instrumental music]

Tessa, I'm so sorry.

Apparently, you're only supposed
to smoke fish for four hours..

...not four weeks.

It was an innocent mistake,
Lisa.

Why didn't you get sick?

Oh, we Shays have iron stomachs.

It's our bodies way
of compensating

for our diminished sense
of taste.

We still can't
get a hold of your dad

and unfortunately,
we won't be able to release you

until a family member
signs your discharge papers.

You're sure there's no one
else we can call?

And finally,
a columned subsidiary space

'alongside the body
of the main building'

would lead from the atrium
to the concert hall.

Well done, Mr. Altman, you've
really opened up the space

with your use of skylights.

And I, for one, appreciate
the abundance of ladies' rooms.

Oh, thank you,
that, that happens to be

my beautiful associate's idea.

Along with
the bedazzled borders.

It's amazing how some glue
and a few crappy plastic beads

can really class up any project.

- Oh, it's true. It's true.
- Mm-hmm.

[instrumental music]

Oh, shoot.

Tessa? Hey. I'm sorry.

Are you okay?
I didn't get your messages.

'Are you okay? What happened?
Are you okay?'

For the love of God, would you
tell me if you're okay?

- I'm okay, George.
- Okay.

I just had a mild deadly case
of food poisoning.

Ohh.

I don't believe this. I'm
so sorry I wasn't there for you.

How'd you get home? Sheila?

Well, actually,
they wouldn't release me

without a family
member's consent, so..

Helen.

Yes, George.

Oh, happy to help out.

The hospital couldn't reach you.

Tessa got a little frantic

and so she called
her grandmother.

Well, that's great.

So...thanks.

You don't have to do that.
I got it from here, Helen.

Oh, you might as well get used
to me being around again George

because this time,
I'm not going anywhere.

Great.

When you're in danger of losing

someone you care about

often, you'll do anything

to re-establish a connection.

For Malik, that meant sculpting
a bust of Lisa's head.

One for every day
they weren't together.

♪ I've been alone
with you inside my mind ♪

♪ And in my dreams
I've kissed your lips ♪

♪ A thousand times ♪

♪ Hello ♪

♪ Is it me you're looking for ♪♪

(Tessa)
For George, it meant
focusing less on work

and more on breakfast.

Goodbye.

So you got the bid.

- Nope.
- Oh.

- Sorry.
- Ah, it's fine.

Considering how little time
I had I think

I did a pretty great job.

It just felt good, you know

to get the creative
juices flowing again.

And more importantly, Theo
and Cyrus didn't get it either

so their failure
is victory enough for me.

- That's the spirit.
- 'Mm-hmm.'

Honestly, though, Tess..

...I'm not
the same person I was.

There was a time
when I was..

...completely driven
professionally.

But now I guess
I have other priorities.

Besides, if I was out competing
for every job on the market

I wouldn't have time
to make you my famous

sizzling chorizo scrambler.

Seriously, you want?

- Fish frittata?
- You're mean.

What? Hair of the dog,
that's a thing.

- Oh, fried gizzard sandwich?
- Ugh!

(George)
'Egg drop soup,
extra droppings.'

'Yeah? One of those.'