All language subtitles for suburgatory.s02e05.1080p.web.h264-failed_track3_[eng]

(Tessa)
Change is a part of life.
It's inevitable.

The trees don't apologize
when they change

so why should I?

I'm not sure I've ever known
the calm I feel

when lying in a pile
of crisp fall leaves.

It's as though..

[spitting]

[coughing]

Something crawled down
my throat.

Ugh. Something leggy.

Let's go inside, Lisa.

I don't have
any more clarity now

than I did before whatever that
was crawled down your throat.

I just...don't know how
George is gonna feel about this.

Tessa, you've spent
16 consecutive Thanksgivings

tethered to that man's teat.

Just this once your mother

who you've never met
is flying in from Berlin.

Exactly.

And it's really important
to my grandmother.

It's too bad we didn't have
more of a heads-up.

Could have made a great
human interest piece.

I could have reached out
to Connie Chung, Hugh Downs.

God, I wish Donahue
was still in the game.

Phil would have
handled this right.

(George)
'Oh, so I was thinking we do'

all our Thanksgiving
traditions the day before.

We drive into the city,
see the floats, all that jazz

then day of,
we hit the Royces'.

- Cool.
- It'll be smaller this year.

- Just our two families.
- That's fine, George.

Whatever you wanna do.

Because I might not be here.

And no costumes this time.
I made Dallas promise.

What, sorry?

Did you just say
you might not be here?

Where might you be?

So, it's like this, okay?

Uh, my mother,
as it turns out

is flying into New York
on Thursday

to be with my grandmother
for the holidays.

And...they were wondering

if I might now be at an age..

...where I'm interested
in joining them.

I see, and are you
at an age

where you might be
interested in joining them?

I am.

Well, that's fantastic.

That's great.
Hey, I..

You know, you don't, you don't,
you don't have to act like

you gotta break
it to me gently

or it's something
I don't wanna hear.

I'm all for it.

You know, I-I think
it's great that Alex

is finally making an effort.

Burn.

What's that?

- I said burn.
- "Burn?"

Yeah, it's like you can't
resist going after Alex.

"Finally making an effort?"

That's an impartial fact.

Unless there were
some prior overtures

that I wasn't privy to.

Why are you talking like
you're on trial for witchcraft?

Oh, okay, but for the record,
in the city of Salem

I'm not the one
that would be on trial!

That was a burn.

[theme song]

♪ Last night I had ♪

♪ A pleasant nightmare ♪

♪ Da-da da-da da da da ♪♪

This year's Thanksgiving
is gonna have a Caribbean theme.

So I'm gonna need you
to use the word "Mon" a lot.

For instance, "Sorry me mashed
potatoes be so clumpy, mon."

"Clumpy, mon."

I also don't need to remind you
that I'm severely

allergic to anything nasty.

So all the food you cook
should be good-tasting

or not nasty
when at all possible.

"Not nasty."

Alright, is there anything else
before I start shopping?

- Alan, you're fired!
- Mommy, he didn't mess up yet.

This isn't performance-related,
it's George Altman-related.

Boo got bad news.

Tessa isn't gonna be here
for Thanksgiving.

You said bad news.

George is thinking about
skipping the holiday altogether.

We need to rally
around him, Dalia.

Start our own tradition.

Of firing loyal employees?

Alan, hush!

We're gonna keep George occupied

by cooking our own
Thanksgiving meal together.

Well, I guess
I'll stop streaming

"Cool Runnings" to my phone

even though it's already
halfway downloaded.

There.

How are those veggies coming,
Denzel?

I'm grating cheese,
actually, but..

Almost done, Mrs. Shay.

Yeah, you can handle
whatever I throw at ya.

Hey, how about some tunes?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

[Deee-Lite singing
"Groove Is In The Heart"]

- Yeah.
- Whoo!

Yeah!

[peppy music]

Hey, some people
are trying to shuck here.

This is like "The Big Chill."

♪ The chills
that you spill up my back ♪♪

Okay, that's enough.
Just stop.

Malik, I am just gonna
come right out and ask you.

Will you share Thanksgiving
dinner with our family?

- Mother.
- Well, look at his pile!

- He's the TI of green beans!
- No, she's right. He is.

He's earned it. He's earned
a place at our table.

Well, I am sure that Malik
would love to join us.

But sadly, he'll be eating
dinner with his own family.

Actually, my family eats
really early

so I could probably
make it to both dinners.

Well, that's fantastic, Malik.
Then it's settled.

Guess who's
coming to dinner, Lisa?

Alex better not
foul this up, you know?

I couldn't agree more.

Her pass rush
killed Tebow last year.

- Alex's did?
- Wha.. Yep.

You're not listening
to me, are you?

I'm.. See, in my..

What I meant to say
was Alex. Okay.

In my mind,
Alex is Michael Vick.

- What?
- She screwed up.

Things got ugly. Dogs died.

No one's saying they didn't.

But he was given a second
chance and he proved himself.

'In fact, he went on to
have his best year ever.'

So, if you open the door
for Alex, you know..

Who knows?

- Alex is Michael Vick?
- Alex is Michael Vick.

No wonder things didn't
work out between us.

(Dallas)
'Happy Thanksgiving!'

- 'George!'
- Oh, hey, baby.

- Hi!
- Hi.

- Noah.
- Gobble gobble, Dallas!

Oh, yes, absolutely.
Gobble gobble to you and yours.

- Is she here?
- Who, Jill? My better half?

No, she's still away
on her book tour.

I meant Carmen, my better half

and former housekeeper
that you stole.

Oh, Carmen. Right.

No, she took the baby to see
a witch doctor in Yonkers.

She's convinced he's possessed.

- Me, I don't see it.
- And Jenna?

Oh, she went home
with a brown friend.

A friend from Brown.
Some Chinese kid.

Wow, so we have you
all to ourselves.

Lucky, lucky us.

Alright, guys. Uh, hey.

Thank you for being here.
It means a lot.

Ready to start cooking?

- Mommy, here's the wardrobe.
- Dalia!

risque
for Thanksgiving, isn't it?

Look! They're all backless.

Uh-oh. Naughty.

As I rode the elevator
up to the ninth floor

of my grandmother's
apartment building

I thought about it.

The girl who'd never
met her mother

was about to be no more.

It was weird.

Not knowing her was part
of my identity almost.

And now all of that
was about to change.

[instrumental music]

[sighs]

[doorbell rings]

She's coming.
I-I swear she's coming.

I'm just having a hard time
getting a hold of her.

Wishbone.
I call the wishbone, dad.

You're not listening
to me, mother.

Wishbone, you guys.
Wishbone. I called it.

I don't understand
what the problem is.

Malik and I are completely
Kool & The Gang.

That is the problem,
is that you're trying

too hard to be down.

You know,
most girls want their mothers

to like their boyfriends.

When we went out
for pizza last week

you told him that he
was the Keenen Ivory Wayans

of opening car doors.

And I completely
stand by that! He is!

When your father
opens a car door

his butt be all tight.

No, she's right,
that's how I do it

like my father before me.

[doorbell ringing]

That must be Malik.

Well, Lisa, answer the door.

Don't tell me what to do.

- I'll get it.
- Thank you.

How's it going?

Oops. Sorry I'm all grubby,
Mrs. Shay.

Me and my family just got done
playing touch football

and I didn't want to be late,
so I rushed over here.

I brought dress clothes
for dinner, though.

Honestly, Malik,
I don't give a rat's ass

what you wear to the table.
That better?

Did I do something
to make your mom mad?

No. I did.

- Gobble gobble, George.
- Hey, guys.

(Wolfe)
'As people who have been exiled'

'by our own families'

just for loving each other

we're honored
to be invited guests--

Yeah, yeah.
Alan, kitchen, please?

Okay. Listen.

I am a little overwhelmed here.

Cooking dinner with Dallas

is a lot like
cooking by yourself.

And the last thing
I wanted to do

was cook a Thanksgiving dinner.

Funny, the only thing I wanted
to do was cook a Thanksgiving

dinner until, uh,
your depression got in the way.

Well, help
a depressed guy out, then.

I got a couple
questions for ya.

Number one.. Whoa!

I was late
getting the bird in the oven

didn't get to brine it.

Will those little turkey hairs

cook off on their own?

- Turkey hairs?
- Number two.

The potatoes are too salty.

This much I know.

How do I counter the effect?

More potatoes? Water?

Butter? Milk?

Baking soda?

Baking soda!

- Wake up, dreamer.
- What?

I thought I was here
as Guest Alan.

But it's obvious
you only see me as Chef Alan.

If you're looking for my

professional opinion,
it's gonna cost you.

Oh, really? Okay.

How much, how much to tell me

what to do with these potatoes?

- Eight dollars.
- Eight bucks?

Are you crazy?
I'm a working man.

Besides, I can already tell

from the way your eyes lit up

that the correct
answer is water.

Huh?

Am I right?

Those are garbage.

♪ I wouldn't ask for another ♪♪

[humming]

Please don't feel uncomfortable.

You'll notice my eyes
are locked on yours.

I see that.

I would also like
to assure you that I am

very comfortable
with the human form.

I once took a life drawing class

where we sketched nude models

one of whom
happened to be Armenian.

And I want you to know that
I have a female pediatrician

who's about your age
and also white

so I'm completely comfortable.

I once worked as a counselor
at a summer camp

where I had to perform
biweekly tick checks

and I can assure you
I was quite thorough.

- I saw everything.
- I was born naked.

Terrific. And I think we've
navigated this quite nicely.

[screams]

I'd, uh, offer you dessert

but Alex was
supposed to bring it.

I have a fruit leather
in my purse.

I was gonna save it for my
doctor's appointment tomorrow

but you can have it
if you like.

What flavor?

Uh, I believe it's apricot.

No, thanks.

Uh, I think
I'm just gonna head home.

I-I, I don't know
what to say, Tessa.

I'm just so disappointed
in Alex.

And embarrassed,
quite frankly.

I can't imagine
what's going through her head.

It's okay.

Maybe it wasn't meant to be.

Anyway, dinner was great.

Oh!

I can only imagine
what your father's gonna say

when he hears
Alex didn't show up.

Well, he's not gonna
hear it from me 'cause

I'm in no mood
to hear it from him.

- Okay. Bye, sweetie.
- Bye.

- Careful.
- Thanks.

She didn't show up.

My mom didn't show up.

I had no idea where she was
or what country she was in

but at this point,
it didn't even matter.

George.

Alex.

You must be Tessa.

Hi.

Wow.

She's beautiful.

Thank you.

She's in New York
with Helen, Alex.

- They were both expecting you.
- No.

- That can't be right.
- 'Yes, it's right.'

No, I got a fax
from my mom that said

Tessa was here in Chatswin,
and then my flight got delayed

and so I just came
straight here.

Who faxes?

I don't have a cell phone, okay?

Oh.

Hi, group of people I don't know

standing in a semicircle,
judging me.

(all)
Hi.

Alex, we actually

do know each other.

Noah Werner.
I met and judged you years ago.

Uh! How can I be so stupid?

Everything I touch
turns to garbage!

- Sweetie, it can't be that bad.
- Not really.

- 'That sucks.'
- 'Oh.'

George, can I talk to you
for a minute?

George, I can't believe
you're being so cold.

That poor woman is obviously
sorry about her mistake.

And look at her.
She's beside herself.

Dallas, trust me,
you can't get sucked in.

This, this is what Alex does.

She's irresponsible.
She hurts other people.

And, and then, and then
she acts like she's the victim.

In the end,
you're so busy comforting her

that you forget that she
is the one that screwed up.

She's the one that caused it.
Do you unders..

Well, don't you feel
just a little bit sorry for her?

It had to be hard
for her to show up here.

Hard for her?

Dallas, Tessa
showed up in New York

expecting to meet
her mother, okay?

That's who I feel sorry for,
my kid.

Alex is not my kid.

She was supposed to be
the mother of my kid.

I gotta call Tessa.

Oh.

I'm sorry
about the wishbone, dad.

I just really need it
for something important

I'm trying to do this year.

I want to make love
to our neighbor.

Paul Biederman?

Dessert already?

Have you had your fill, mother

or would you care for
some more dark meat?

Okay, Lisa,
let's have out with it

so these boys
can eat my pie in peace.

Yeah, let's have out with it!

Fred, Ryan,
I saw Malik naked.

Big whoop! It was no big deal.

Well, it wasn't a small deal.

Oh! Okay. Okay, okay.

I went in to put some
fresh towels in the bathroom

'and he was getting
out of the shower.'

It was an accidental sighting,
and Malik knows that.

Oh, come on.
Malik was born naked.

Okay, well,
it might not be a big deal

to anybody else at this table..

Well, it wasn't
a small ding-a-ling!

[all laughing]

Hey, this is a deal-breaker.
You hear me?

- A deal-breaker!
- Wait, Lisa, hold on. Stop.

[sighs]
Well, I suppose

it isn't Thanksgiving
at the Shays'

until someone
shows off their naked body.

What?

[instrumental music]

In some ways, I was relieved.

Maybe the whole change thing
is overrated.

I was still the girl
who hadn't met her mother

and there was comfort in that.

She's a real hard worker.

In fact, for as long as
I've been dealing

none of my employees
have ever pushed

the amount of crystal rock
she has.

Tessa's very much like a man.

She dresses like a man,
but she's smaller than a man.

She's like a man
trapped in a small boy's body.

There he is now.

Hey, everyone.

'Dallas, Dalia'

Noah, Mr. Wolfe.

- You must be Alex.
- Yeah.

This exactly how I
imagined us always meeting

in a roomful of people
we're not related to.

The only person
missing is Chef Alan.

- Oh, I'm here, Tessa.
- Oh.

Of course. Terrific.

I'm gonna be in my room.

She saluted?
Why did she salute?

Honestly, I don't know.

And she hasn't been part
of the military at any point?

What? No. No.
She probably felt awkward.

Well, it was awkward.

You know,
I should probably just go.

- I'll call you a cab.
- Wait, no, George, no.

This is a make-or-break moment
for Tessa.

Alex needs to get up there
and make this right.

If it doesn't happen now,
it may never happen.

She's right.
Alex, Tessa needs you.

So you need to find a way
to reach her.

Take her this.
It's, it's her favorite.

George.

I didn't make it.

Um, hello, it's kind of hard
to have a conversation

with the back of your head.

There's nothing to discuss.

Lisa! Look at me.

Every time I look at you
all I see is

my mother seeing you naked.

That doesn't make any sense.

You've gone further
with my mother

than I have gone with you.

Well, what do you want me to do?

- I want you to leave me alone.
- Really?

You're-you're gonna blame me for
something that wasn't my fault?

- I-it was an accident!
- Maybe we were the accident.

You know what, maybe we were.

You're really immature,
you know that?

You want me to hate your mom?
Sorry, I don't. Grow up.

So I guess we're breaking up.

I like your room.

Thanks.

(Alex)
Ooh.

Average Shelf Life, huh?
Pretty solid band.

'I mean, their sophomore album
wasn't as strong as their debut'

but that pretty much
happens to everyone, right?

Yeah.

They tried to go electronic
on this one track

and it totally didn't work.

Yeah.

Uh, I'm really jet-lagged.

I feel like I'm
in a dream or something.

You can lay
on my bed if you want.

Nah, I prefer the floor.

It grounds you.
You should try it.

I do it all the time,
no matter where I am.

Even public bathrooms?

No, not anymore.
That's how you get ringworm.

[chuckles]

[Alexi Murdoch singing
"Orange Sky"]

♪ Well I had a dream I ♪

♪ Stood beneath
an orange sky.. ♪

I'm really sorry
for the mix-up today.

It's okay.

I thought
you changed your mind.

Changed my mind?

Tessa, I never meant

for things to go the way
they did, you know?

And there's not a day that goes
by when I don't think about--

We don't really
need to talk about this

right now.

Okay.

You know, I'm kind of surprised
that the kids here

are listening
to Average Shelf Life.

It doesn't really seem like
an ASL town, you know?

It's not.

But they've always been
my favorite band.

Ever since I saw them
perform at the..

[snoring]

[laughs]
How messed up would that be

if I actually
fell asleep right then?

[both laughing]

Is it tough for you,
fitting in here?

Yeah.

[snoring]

[both laughing]

♪ Oh but you know
I am so weary ♪

♪ And you know my heart ♪

♪ My heart's been broken down ♪

♪ Sometime sometimes
my mind is too strong.. ♪

Sometimes the big moments
you picture in your mind

don't turn out
the way you think they will.

But if you unexpectedly
get a second chance

to make things right
you should probably take it.

♪ In your love
my salvation lies ♪

♪ In your love
my salvation lies ♪

♪ In your love my salvation.. ♪♪

Hey, ev-everything
Kajagoogoo up there?

What?

Everything was fine..

...if that's what you're asking.

Yeah.

(Tessa)
Yeah.

She kept pretending
to fall asleep

and then
she actually fell asleep.

We got to talk a bunch, though.

She seems pretty cool.

Is it okay if she stays over?

'I just don't want to wake
her up to tell her to leave.'

She'll get going
in the morning.

Yeah, fine. That's fine.

Thanks..

...dad, for, like,
letting all this happen.

You don't have to thank me.

I'm not gonna
be an obstacle in this.

You'll see.

All I ever want
is for you to be happy.

I'm happy.

Good. Good.

Really happy.

Holy crap! Did you cook this?
This is stupid good!

I cooked exactly none of that.

Chef Alan
practically made everything.

And charged me
through the nose for it.

In that case, I'm gonna
have to make a plate.

Yeah, me, too.
I think I'll join you.

I was so stressed out tonight,
I barely had a bite.

Let me try this.

- Stupid good.
- Mm-hmm.

- You want some turkey?
- Yeah.