All language subtitles for Suburgatory Season 1 EPS (9)

There's something so phony

about Christmas in Chatswin...

Everything plastic
and professionally decorated.

There was also something phony
about dad.

After discovering he had
a secret life in Manhattan,

I had no other choice but to
give him the ice treatment.

Did we get the best tree
at the farm or what?

Fraser fir.

You smell? You smell
how fresh those needles are?

Why did we even bother
with a tree?

Aren't you gonna spend
Christmas in New York with Zoe?

Now I had administered
the ice treatment,

but never successfully
until tonight.

You're dumping me?
Like, now?

Not... not dumping, no.
Not at all. No.

But... yes, now.

Whenever
I start to feel something...

Whenever I start to feel...

Oh, o-okay.

Shh. It's okay. Don't cry.

I need a tissue or...

Okay, look, it's not you.
It's...

Are you kidding me?

I swear to God, if you say,
"it's not you, it's me... "

I was going to say

it is not you. It's...
It's Tessa, my daughter.

You know, I - I uprooted her
from New York

- and everything she knows.
- Yeah? So?

So it's a total double standard

if I date a cool city girl
like you

when I've confined Tessa
to the suburbs.

But I'm crazy about you,
George.

A-and I you,

but if I continue seeing you,
I will feel like a bad dad.

Take care, though.

Dad, you didn't have to break up
with her because of me.

T-t... oh, Tessa.

Eavesdropping, were we?

Was it the ice treatment?

Yes, in fact, it was.
You know what?

Maybe next time,
you will think twice

before you ice someone.

But you really liked Zoe.

Yes, I did.

But sometimes parents sacrifice
things that they like

for their children.

If you will excuse me,

I'm going to drink this
in my room.

Did he drink it
in his room?

I think he did.

Wow, that is everything
you want in a Christmas story,

except a happy ending.

- Maybe I can make it up to him.
- You should.

I just need to get him
the best Christmas gift

any daughter's ever given
their father.

How about
an eyeglass repair kit?

Doesn't exactly say

"sorry you gave up love
for me."

No, but they usually come with
a bottle of cleaning solution

and a lint-free shammy,
so...

There's not one good thing
on the whole entire Internet.

What are you getting
your dad?

Nothing. We make our gifts.

That sounds cool.

It's not.
I want clothes.

Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com

The hot heat
of the oven hits the bottom...

I felt terrible about
dad's breakup with Zoe,

and I was determined
to make it up to him.

I made you a sandwich.

What kind of sandwich?

Tuna.

Tuna reminds me of Zoe.

George may have been
milking it, but he was

exhibiting the two classic
signs of depression... Ow.

Well... I should get to class.

Watching the cooking channel

and taking an adult ed class
in wreath making.

Wonderful job.

Lovely.

Hey, what's the deal
with the art teacher... Aimee?

What do you mean,
"what's the deal?"

There is no deal.
She teaches art.

Is she single? Shh!

Oh, my. What can I say?

They're both so full
of beauty.

True, but isn't one filled
with... I don't know...

A thousand times more beauty
than the other?

No, not to me.

That's like asking what's more
magical... flowers or rainbows?

Rainbows.
Is there any question?

Aimee?

Um... when you have a minute.

Aimee to the rescue.

Yeah.

You know what?

After dating so many
crazy, cynical Manhattan women,

I really find Aimee
refreshing.

Ginger ale is refreshing.

You know, I like her positivity
and her... and her sweetness.

You know, she's sweet,
and she's crafty.

She makes things.

I'm gonna ask her out.

- Slow down, white tiger.
- Yeah.

Aimee just went through
a nasty breakup

with the shop teacher.

She's a little gun-shy, okay?
A little vulnerable.

Huh.

So don't blow it
by coming on too... New York.

Pushy.

You're kind of pushy.

But I wouldn't be
if I were trying to date you.

Oh, what a shame, Aimee.
Honestly?

I can't imagine you not
having a Christmas tree.

I know.
It's my roommates, though.

They're, um,
Jehovah's witnesses.

They're really nice
but a little clique-y.

Anyway, I... I sure will
miss the smell of pine.

- I have the smell of pine.
- What's that?

Uh, I was...
I was just saying

that I have
a great, big, giant tree...

That smells like pine.
Oh.

That I cut down myself.

Wow.

That wasn't sarcastic.

Sarcastic? Oh, gosh, no.

You... you didn't mean
"gosh, no" ironically?

No! Gosh.

I'm just checking.

So what do you say,
you wanna...

You wanna swing by my house,
help me trim the tree?

There's a...
An open house kind of thing.

Lot of people, no pressure.

Just a... cool...
hang kinda... sitch.

When you put it like that,
it sounds like a blast.

And that was sincere.

Sincerely,
I would love to come.

Great.

- What time should we be there?
- What?

I'll bring my Pa Jun.

Frankincense, myrrh,

soap-on-a-rope?

None of these gifts
were gonna cut it.

This year, the only thing
I could give George

was the one thing
I had taken away...

Zoe.

It wasn't you. It was me.

I got blindsided,

like Sandra Bullock
in that movie, "The Proposal."

I don't know if I can put
myself out there again.

Oh, come on.

You look like the kind of woman

who puts herself
out there a lot.

- I do, yeah.
- I have a big heart.

And this time, I promise
I won't be an obstacle to love.

Please come
to the tree-trimming?

Oh, mother Mary, kid.
I don't know.

George misses you.

- He's not himself.
- I've never seen him like this.

Yeah?

Well... the sex was rockin',

and I do get super horny
around Christmas.

Okay! I'm in.

You are gonna be the best gift
I ever got him.

So what's the best way
to get there?

Should I mapquest it?
Or Google maps?

She would figure it out.

Honey, terrific news.

Looks like all those leg presses
are finally starting to pay off.

Well, how could they not?

I'll bet you my thighs minimum...
Minimum,

are an inch bigger
than last Christmas.

- No way I'm taking that bet.
- That's a smart lady.

George.

Ahh.

Hey.

Oh! George!

I was just thinking
about you.

Steven let me in.
I don't think he likes me.

Oh! Don't be silly.

Well,
I wanted to invite you

to a tree-trimming tonight.
I know it's last minute,

but maybe...

Oh, I would absolutely love
to be there.

Absolutely. It's only...
Shoot.

I'm headed off to go skiing
in Aspen.

Oh.
It's a Royce family tradition.

Steven loves the way he looks
in his ski pants.

That's too bad.
You'll be missed.

Anyway, I guess I'll see you
when you get back.

Until then, here you go.

For me? From you?

Just a little something
for under your tree.

I hope you like it.

Oh, George.
I'm gonna love.

'Twas the night
before Christmas,

- and I had...
- Nailed it.

I had gotten dad a present

too big to fit under the tree.
In a matter of minutes,

Zoe was gonna walk
across our threshold to see...

George all over Ms. Ainsley,
the art teacher?!

Terrifying.

You can't take my coat
'cause I'm not wearing one.

Mother told me to,
but I refused,

since you live right across
the street.

It's cold. I ran partway.

Zoe's gonna
be here any second,

and George is all over
Ms. Ainsley.

Ms. Ainsley? Why?

He's rebounding... hard.

I've been there, sister.

Okay, so here's the plan.

I need you to wait
outside for Zoe

and delight her
while I get rid of Ms. Ainsley.

- That's the plan?
- Yeah.

Let's try it.

I don't have a coat.

Oh, hi.

Have you tried the pa jun?
I don't know who made it,

but someone knows their way
around a Korean pancake.

George! I wouldn't interrupt
unless this was super important,

but we are out of eggnog.

What? I... I just made
a batch ten minutes ago.

I don't know the specifics.

I just know people
are in need of nog.

I'll be right back.

You know, your dad is
the nicest parent at school.

And the cutest.

Really? Uh... 'Cause at home,
he's a bit of a slob.

You should see his bathroom.

Some mornings, it's like...
Crime scene.

Whoa!

That snow is really
coming down.

If I were you,
I would leave right now,

or else...

You might get stranded
in a snowbank...

And die.

Hey, hey!

Hey, buddy.

Any hits on the mistletoe?

Huh?

- Great bash, Georgie.
- Yeah, yeah.

Didn't realize you knew
so many asians.

Ni hao!

It's like "the joy luck club"
in here.

Yeah, I had a hard time
scaring up guests.

Most of them are from
this Dim Sum restaurant

I designed a patio for.

Do yourself a favor, though.

Try the juicy buns.

Mmm! Hell, yeah!

Right? Out of this world,
Mrs. yee.

Oh, hey!

How's it going
with the art teacher?

Oh, really great. She's so
uncomplicated, you know?

In a good way. I think I finally
broke the crazy woman curse.

I'm sick.

What?
Did you have any of these?

I think you should
send everyone home

or at least anyone
that looks like

they have a weak immune system.

Like Aimee?

Okay, what's going on, Tess?
Is that what this is about?

Aimee?

I can't talk. I have to puke.

I can't believe
all the flights are grounded.

I'll be in my room.

My room, so don't follow me,
Yakult!

Maybe it's a sign.

I'm gonna go call
a travel agent.

God, mom, call Yakult!

Oh, my gosh, George.
You remembered.

- She's here.
- Zoe's here!

Hey, hey.

You have been acting weird
all night

and... and borderline rude
to Aimee.

So what's going on?

I heard she doesn't
support our troops.

I've been trying
to get rid of her.

What? Because you don't
like Aimee?

I like her fine, I guess.
It's you who doesn't like her.

What are you talking about?

You were crushed
about your breakup with Zoe.

Aimee's a rebound.
It's understandable.

Okay, listen to me carefully.
I do like Aimee.

The whole reason I'm having
this party

is so I can spend time
with her.

But you like Zoe.

You only broke up with her
because of me.

That... that's not...
entirely true.

But you couldn't eat tuna.

You really gotta be
in the mood for tuna.

George... help me understand
what I'm hearing.

The truth is,
I broke up with Zoe

not because of you but because
she's really, really annoying

and volatile... and negative.

And a little bit
of a slutty lush.

Well, I hope
you're in the mood for tuna.

He...

Merry Christmas, George.

Oh, uh...

I hope George made his bed,

because it looked like he was
gonna have to lay in it...

With her.
Mm.

Or her.

Uh...

Or... who knows?

Her.

Uh...

I'm so embarrassed.

I thought you invited me
because you liked me.

Hold up, hold up, hold up.
Please.

I-I do like you.

I thought you like liked me
in a different way

than you like the Chinese family
that makes Dim Sum.

I like you
in a much different way

than I like the Dim Sum family...
The Yees.

Then why were you kissing
that loud woman?

Oh. Well... okay,
I know it's poor form

to blame your daughter
for things,

but... this time,
it really is Tessa's fault.

So will you please
come back inside?

I drive, like, once a decade,

- and last time with a moped...
- In Jamaica.

- Sandals.
- Half sloshed on piña coladas.

So, I mean, you can imagine
how freakin' terrified I was,

driving to the middle
of nowhere... face it...

You know, at night. My hand
to God, I thought I was dead,

like, 10... no, 12... 12 times.

But I did it all for George.

I did it all for love.

Aw!

Damn right, "aw."
Now someone, anyone,

point me to the drinks.

Two chicks?

You must have been very good
this year, or very bad.

Either way... two chicks!

I have no idea
of what to do here.

If I tell Zoe the truth,
she's going to make a scene,

and... and sweet,
uncomplicated Aimee

is going to bolt
from that coatroom

like a frightened rabbit.

George, I'm a dentist.

I'm trained
to give people bad news.

It's what I do all day,
every day.

I'll talk to Zoe for you.

The secret is
in the soothing dentist voice.

I'm gonna need one thing
from you, though...

Soft rock.
I can do that.

You son of a bitch!
What doing with my juicy bun?

They looked a little dried out.
I didn't wanna embarrass you.

Lisa?

Have you been out here
this whole time?

It's freezing.

Was out there waiting
for you,

and then your dad
and Ms. Ainsley came out.

The way the "like-likes"
were flying around,

I think she could be
your new mom.

- My new mom?
- Yeah.

Your brain must have frozen.
I'm gonna make you some hot tea,

and you'll feel better.

Tessa, I had some time to think
while I was out there,

and... it occurred to me
that there's a reason

why you feel so guilty about
coming between your dad and Zoe.

Do... do you wanna know
what the reason is?

Lemon zinger sound good?

It's because you knew
in your heart

it's quite possible
that you've come between him

and a hundred other Zoes.

Not true.
George has dated,

and I have known
George has dated,

I just haven't necessarily
seen it before.

Oh.

Tessa, your dad's hot.

He deserves some action.

I'm gonna think over
everything you just said

but the last part.

I'm not going to lie.

There's going to be
some discomfort, even pain.

But then you'll never have
to worry about it again, hmm?

Or... you could ignore it,
pretend like everything's good

and healthy.

But then you run the risk
of things decaying further.

Um...

Where's George?

Don't worry.

Hey.
We'll bring that smile back.

Donk!

Okay.

Oh, Tessa.

Can you help me find
my capelet?

Okay. But I just wanted
to say I think I overstated

the mess that George leaves
in his bathroom.

It's good to know.

I'm serious.
He's... he's practically tidy.

Never leaves the seat up,
goes the extra mile

and rinses down his
toothpaste clumps in the sink.

I swear.

Look, I know the situation's...
really complicated...

Tessa...

Just give it another minute,
Ms. Ainsley.

I will get you a glass of milk
while you wait.

Thanks, Noah.
You have a real gift.

Thanks for recognizing it.

I can't believe I thought
I was in love with George.

I mean, you get past
the good looks,

and he's got nothing.

Yeah.

He is so not my type.

I'm married.

Married?

You creep! Whenever I start
to feel something!

Whenever I... start...
to feel...

Dallas! Hey.

I thought you weren't
going to be able to make it.

Fate had other plans, plus they
couldn't de-ice the plane.

George,
thank you for the mittens.

I can't believe
you remembered.

Rem-remembered?

That story about how my mother
used to make me wear

bright red mittens every year
so they wouldn't get lost

in the snow. Oh.

The fact that you remembered
really... touched me.

Oh.

It almost made me cry.

Thanks, George!
See you new year's!

Bye-bye. Merry Christmas, guys.
Thanks for coming.

- Merry Christmas.
- Right. So the red mittens

were kind of a stock present
this year.

Oh, gosh.
I'm embarrassed.

What? No.

Don't be. You know what?
I think, subconsciously,

I remembered you telling me
that story that...

Oh.

Dallas, are we, uh...

Uh, are we...

- Lighten up, George.
- It's Christmas.

Let me get this right.

You invite me over here to hang
out in some lousy cloak closet

while you make out
with not one but two women!

George had a gift, all right...

A gift for making even
the sanest women turn crazy.

And good thing I wasn't thirsty,
'cause that milk never came!

Aah! Ugh!

Happy holidays.

Damn, Mrs. Yee.
You got it goin' on. Mmm.

- Idiot!
- Jeez! Zoe, please!

Come on, listen to the sound...
Sound of my voice.

Stop throwing snowballs.

I was a sure thing!

Oh!

Hey. I'm sorry I told you

I broke up with Zoe
because of you.

It was just... I didn't want
you to be mad at me anymore.

I mean, you're really good
at the ice treatment.

Thanks.

And I guess I shouldn't
have snuck on your computer.

You should probably
password-protect.

Will do.

Well, I guess we both learned
a valuable lesson.

I'm sorry you don't have
a special someone

to share the holidays with,
George.

What? Are you kidding?

Yeah, but I'm your kid.

Don't you get sick of it
just being the two of us?

Never.

That said...

If there were ever
to be a third,

I hope you'd be able
to embrace that person

with open arms.

I would.

And vice versa.

Let's face it, George.

I tried to help you,
but with your track record,

it's probably gonna be me
before it's you.