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1
00:00:04,956 --> 00:00:07,956
Stupid, stupid tradition.
2
00:00:08,148 --> 00:00:10,948
Oh, look at us,
we're partnering a turkey.
3
00:00:10,954 --> 00:00:13,126
And if he can get in a
privy on Thanksgiving,
4
00:00:13,127 --> 00:00:13,754
why can't I?
5
00:00:14,497 --> 00:00:16,998
Why can't I, Malia?
6
00:00:18,350 --> 00:00:19,918
You are hereby pardoned.
7
00:00:19,952 --> 00:00:22,220
Thanksgiving isa time for tradition,
8
00:00:22,254 --> 00:00:25,557
and moving to Chatswin meantthe end of ours.
9
00:00:27,560 --> 00:00:30,395
Every year, George and I usedto go to Central Park to watch
10
00:00:30,429 --> 00:00:32,030
the floats get blown upfor the parade.
11
00:00:32,064 --> 00:00:34,332
Then we'd goto our favorite coffee shop
12
00:00:34,350 --> 00:00:35,433
for turkey burgers
13
00:00:35,468 --> 00:00:37,268
and black-and-whitemilk shakes.
14
00:00:37,303 --> 00:00:39,471
Try and order a black-and-whitein Chatswin,
15
00:00:39,505 --> 00:00:41,239
and you'd just get the white.
16
00:00:41,273 --> 00:00:43,808
Tessa, you got it?
17
00:00:43,843 --> 00:00:45,226
Yeah.
18
00:00:47,580 --> 00:00:48,713
Gobble, gobble.
19
00:00:48,748 --> 00:00:50,982
You're a grown man.
20
00:00:51,016 --> 00:00:53,885
Good morrow, child.
Where be your pa?
21
00:00:53,919 --> 00:00:57,205
Uh, I think he's
on the can. Who are you?
22
00:00:57,256 --> 00:00:58,990
Why, Jasper the pilgrim.
23
00:00:59,024 --> 00:01:02,794
Child, the family of Royce
awaits thine R.S.V.P.
24
00:01:02,828 --> 00:01:05,764
To their bountiful
Thanksgiving feast.
25
00:01:07,450 --> 00:01:09,834
You guys forgot to R.S.V.P.
26
00:01:09,869 --> 00:01:11,619
Oh! Right. The Dallas thing.
We'll be there.
27
00:01:11,670 --> 00:01:15,339
"Joyous news!" As our
forefathers might proclaim.
28
00:01:15,357 --> 00:01:17,175
Really?
Well, you're a mean girl
29
00:01:17,193 --> 00:01:20,512
with an unkind heart
who has no holiday cheer.
30
00:01:20,546 --> 00:01:23,548
Thanksgiving at the Royces'.
Gonna be fun.
31
00:01:23,582 --> 00:01:25,283
Define fun.
32
00:01:25,317 --> 00:01:26,484
Noah's family's
gonna be there.
33
00:01:26,518 --> 00:01:28,052
You should call
"Webster's."
34
00:01:28,087 --> 00:01:29,771
You wouldn't believe
how far apart you guys are.
35
00:01:29,822 --> 00:01:31,656
Look, I know you're bummed we're
not doing our old tradition,
36
00:01:31,690 --> 00:01:34,042
but we're making
a new tradition.
37
00:01:34,076 --> 00:01:36,961
Do you even own a dictionary?
Traditions aren't new.
38
00:01:36,996 --> 00:01:39,230
That's what makes them...
Traditions.
39
00:01:40,599 --> 00:01:42,333
Besides, I know you're just
trying to keep us apart.
40
00:01:42,368 --> 00:01:44,169
- Keep who apart?
- Manhattan and me.
41
00:01:44,203 --> 00:01:45,837
You're afraid.
If I see her again,
42
00:01:45,871 --> 00:01:47,872
the old feelings might come
rushing back.
43
00:01:47,890 --> 00:01:49,691
- Oh, yes.
- I know how serious you two are,
44
00:01:49,725 --> 00:01:51,475
and I miss her, too,
but we are with the suburbs now,
45
00:01:51,494 --> 00:01:53,678
and if she catches us
looking at other cities...
46
00:01:53,712 --> 00:01:54,946
She might cut off
your cul-de-sac?
47
00:01:54,980 --> 00:01:56,080
And you know
I'm pretty attached
48
00:01:56,115 --> 00:01:57,615
to my cul-de-sac.
49
00:01:57,650 --> 00:01:58,583
You're gross.
50
00:01:58,617 --> 00:01:59,651
You're gross.
51
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,221
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
52
00:02:14,132 --> 00:02:16,734
Hey, neighbor.
53
00:02:16,769 --> 00:02:19,354
Gobble, gobble.
54
00:02:19,405 --> 00:02:22,173
Don't you hate it when people
say "gobble, gobble"?
55
00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:24,794
It makes me want to kill them...
56
00:02:24,795 --> 00:02:26,411
And then eat them.
57
00:02:26,445 --> 00:02:28,313
On Thanksgiving day,
half a dozen members
58
00:02:28,347 --> 00:02:30,682
of the Shay family
will descend upon our house
59
00:02:30,716 --> 00:02:32,050
to eat with their mouth open
60
00:02:32,084 --> 00:02:35,954
and dispense
unsolicited advice...
61
00:02:35,988 --> 00:02:38,756
Most of which will be
about my hair.
62
00:02:38,791 --> 00:02:40,458
Gobble, gobble.
63
00:02:40,492 --> 00:02:41,793
You should see
this dress that my mother's
64
00:02:41,827 --> 00:02:43,895
trying to make me wear.
It's frickin' amish.
65
00:02:43,929 --> 00:02:45,463
Maybe you should move to Europe
when you're older.
66
00:02:45,497 --> 00:02:48,066
They don't have
Thanksgiving in Europe.
67
00:02:48,100 --> 00:02:50,301
Like my mother would ever
let me move to Europe.
68
00:02:50,336 --> 00:02:53,438
She's convinced all Belgians
are sex offenders.
69
00:03:00,012 --> 00:03:02,714
Wait. What if you just
tell your mom
70
00:03:02,748 --> 00:03:05,250
you're not wearing
the dress?
71
00:03:10,522 --> 00:03:12,957
Yakult! No!
Come here, girl.
72
00:03:12,992 --> 00:03:16,578
- Get down, Yakult.
- Get down. No, stop it.
73
00:03:16,629 --> 00:03:18,696
Hey. I-I didn't know
you had a dog.
74
00:03:18,714 --> 00:03:20,915
Well, she's new. I just got
her from the breeder.
75
00:03:20,966 --> 00:03:22,417
She's a snicker-doodle.
76
00:03:22,468 --> 00:03:24,502
I-I think that's a cookie.
77
00:03:24,536 --> 00:03:28,139
Oh. Okay, maybe she's
a schnitzel-doodle.
78
00:03:28,173 --> 00:03:31,726
Anywho, she's some kind
of doodle, aren't ya, Yakult?
79
00:03:31,760 --> 00:03:32,927
Aren't you, good girl?
80
00:03:32,978 --> 00:03:34,896
Yakult? Is that Hebrew?
81
00:03:34,930 --> 00:03:36,147
No, silly.
82
00:03:36,181 --> 00:03:38,600
She's named after
my favorite probiotic drink.
83
00:03:38,651 --> 00:03:41,219
Oh. Okay.
I-I need to ask you a favor.
84
00:03:41,253 --> 00:03:43,087
I'm up
for this really big job.
85
00:03:43,121 --> 00:03:44,522
- Oh, congrats, George.
- Well, hold on.
86
00:03:44,556 --> 00:03:46,224
There's still one final hoop
I need to jump through.
87
00:03:46,258 --> 00:03:47,659
In fact,
I really gotta get going.
88
00:03:47,693 --> 00:03:48,693
Well, don't let me
keep you.
89
00:03:48,711 --> 00:03:50,345
N-no, no, Dallas.
The reason I stopped by is
90
00:03:50,429 --> 00:03:52,430
because Tessa's
a little bummed out
91
00:03:52,464 --> 00:03:53,831
about being in Chatswin
this time of year...
92
00:03:53,866 --> 00:03:55,250
Ohh.
93
00:03:55,301 --> 00:03:56,401
And I thought maybe if you were
doing something fun today,
94
00:03:56,435 --> 00:03:57,602
she could tag along.
95
00:03:57,636 --> 00:03:59,754
Oh, my gosh. Yes. I'm always
doing something fun.
96
00:03:59,788 --> 00:04:01,289
Even when I'm not doing
anything fun,
97
00:04:01,340 --> 00:04:04,108
it's usually still
pretty fun. I'm your girl.
98
00:04:04,142 --> 00:04:06,010
You really are.
99
00:04:09,081 --> 00:04:12,450
My goodness, Yakult.
Did you hear that?
100
00:04:14,553 --> 00:04:16,287
Lisa Marie Shay.
101
00:04:16,322 --> 00:04:19,257
All the girl cousins
are wearing the dress.
102
00:04:19,291 --> 00:04:21,793
All the girl cousins
but one.
103
00:04:21,827 --> 00:04:23,127
Make life easy.
Wear the dress.
104
00:04:23,162 --> 00:04:25,229
What about the family photo
for Nana?
105
00:04:25,264 --> 00:04:27,966
If you're not wearing the dress,
we may as well take a photo
106
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:30,735
of a bunch of godless,
sex-crazed Belgians.
107
00:04:30,769 --> 00:04:31,803
I'm sure Nana
would love that.
108
00:04:31,837 --> 00:04:32,870
This is just like
when she wanted
109
00:04:32,905 --> 00:04:34,305
to stop using conditioner.
110
00:04:34,340 --> 00:04:35,707
I broke four combs
on that head of hair!
111
00:04:35,741 --> 00:04:39,410
I remember. Uh, combs don't
grow on trees, Lisa.
112
00:04:39,445 --> 00:04:41,913
Fred, is that another bowl
of cereal?! It is 11:00 A.M.!
113
00:04:43,282 --> 00:04:46,117
Lisa, if you want to be
a party pooper,
114
00:04:46,151 --> 00:04:47,752
you can go poop
in your room,
115
00:04:47,786 --> 00:04:49,420
and if you miss
Thanksgiving tomorrow,
116
00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:50,688
you have no one to blame
but yourself.
117
00:04:50,723 --> 00:04:53,358
Fine.
118
00:04:53,392 --> 00:04:56,027
This is a perfectly
handsome calico dress.
119
00:04:57,313 --> 00:04:59,063
Mm-hmm. Oh, yeah.
120
00:04:59,098 --> 00:05:01,866
Don't condescend to me.
121
00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:04,185
Lisa had been banishedto her room.
122
00:05:04,236 --> 00:05:06,270
Meanwhile, I was aboutto be subjected
123
00:05:06,288 --> 00:05:08,323
to a different kind of tortureentirely.
124
00:05:08,374 --> 00:05:12,343
Tessa, I know you pride yourself
on being unkempt,
125
00:05:12,378 --> 00:05:15,446
but I think you would look hot
with a Brazilian.
126
00:05:15,481 --> 00:05:17,165
Beg pardon?
127
00:05:17,216 --> 00:05:18,516
A Brazilian blowout...
128
00:05:18,550 --> 00:05:21,652
Super straight hair,
real smooth, polished,
129
00:05:21,687 --> 00:05:23,788
instead of that little
kink-pile you got going,
130
00:05:23,806 --> 00:05:26,824
and trust me, honey,
it'll make you feel better.
131
00:05:26,859 --> 00:05:29,360
Why would flat hair
make me feel better?
132
00:05:29,395 --> 00:05:31,262
Tessa, there are
certain secrets in life
133
00:05:31,296 --> 00:05:34,432
that only a woman can teach you,
and one of them is,
134
00:05:34,466 --> 00:05:37,502
when you look better,
you feel better.
135
00:05:37,536 --> 00:05:40,004
Oh! And another one is...
136
00:05:40,022 --> 00:05:41,972
You can still get bugles
on the Internet.
137
00:05:41,990 --> 00:05:44,042
Yeah, I don't care about
either of those two things.
138
00:05:44,076 --> 00:05:46,761
Oh, come on.
We can do it side by side.
139
00:05:46,812 --> 00:05:48,913
Sit right there,
and we can both get blown.
140
00:05:48,947 --> 00:05:49,947
No.
141
00:05:49,998 --> 00:05:52,216
Pretty please
with a $100 bill on top.
142
00:05:52,250 --> 00:05:54,251
Not even on my dead body.
143
00:05:54,269 --> 00:05:56,604
Oh, no. That kind of hair is
all wrong for a dead body.
144
00:05:56,638 --> 00:06:00,942
You'd want an updo
or a loose braid or a side pony.
145
00:06:00,976 --> 00:06:02,827
Tessa,
I'll make you a deal.
146
00:06:02,861 --> 00:06:04,946
You blow out your hair with me
for Thanksgiving,
147
00:06:04,980 --> 00:06:07,231
and I will take you
absolutely anywhere
148
00:06:07,265 --> 00:06:09,067
you want to go
for lunch today.
149
00:06:12,988 --> 00:06:15,940
Anywhere?
150
00:06:26,668 --> 00:06:28,503
I never should have
said anywhere.
151
00:06:34,302 --> 00:06:35,803
So here's the sitch.
152
00:06:35,837 --> 00:06:39,372
As you may or may not know, I'm
a professional party planner,
153
00:06:39,840 --> 00:06:40,906
so my mom put me in charge
154
00:06:40,941 --> 00:06:42,374
of professionally planning
this party.
155
00:06:42,408 --> 00:06:43,909
Oh, my God.
156
00:06:43,944 --> 00:06:45,744
Shut up, Yakult!
I hate you!
157
00:06:47,380 --> 00:06:50,449
Now I'm sure we all remember
that last year sucked.
158
00:06:50,484 --> 00:06:52,384
I'm talking about
clumpy-ass mashed potatoes
159
00:06:52,419 --> 00:06:54,587
and pale, flaccid
string beans, Alan.
160
00:06:54,621 --> 00:06:57,790
You'd better come correct,
or I swear to God,
161
00:06:57,824 --> 00:06:59,325
you're gonna get served.
162
00:06:59,359 --> 00:07:01,911
Happy Thanksgiving, pumpkin.
Gobble, gobble.
163
00:07:01,945 --> 00:07:04,363
Hey, dad. Gobble, gobble.
Long time no see.
164
00:07:04,381 --> 00:07:06,298
All right. Uh-oh. Shoes.
165
00:07:06,333 --> 00:07:08,501
Did you forget we have a no-shoe
policy here in the house?
166
00:07:08,535 --> 00:07:10,169
Yeah, we don't do that
when you're not here.
167
00:07:10,203 --> 00:07:12,338
Why? I thought you were
daddy's girl, huh?
168
00:07:12,372 --> 00:07:13,639
Should I return
169
00:07:13,673 --> 00:07:15,741
the cashmere horse blanket
I got for your horse cashmere?
170
00:07:15,775 --> 00:07:17,409
No, n...
171
00:07:17,427 --> 00:07:19,545
Daddy, you know cashmere
loves cashmere.
172
00:07:19,579 --> 00:07:20,913
I know.
173
00:07:20,947 --> 00:07:22,882
Don't listen to your mother.
Listen to me, okay?
174
00:07:22,916 --> 00:07:23,849
'Kay.
175
00:07:23,884 --> 00:07:25,150
- Okay.
- I'm gonna nap.
176
00:07:25,185 --> 00:07:26,118
Call me if anyone calls me.
177
00:07:26,152 --> 00:07:27,803
All right. Go on. Okay.
178
00:07:29,956 --> 00:07:30,856
Who are you?
179
00:07:33,526 --> 00:07:35,561
I promised George I'd get you
excited about Chatswin,
180
00:07:35,595 --> 00:07:38,330
and what do I do?
I bring you into the city.
181
00:07:38,365 --> 00:07:41,033
I mean, why does George
even have to know?
182
00:07:41,067 --> 00:07:43,002
This can just be
our little secret.
183
00:07:43,036 --> 00:07:44,303
Oh, my gosh.
184
00:07:44,337 --> 00:07:47,273
Gucci’s just layin'
on the sidewalk.
185
00:07:47,307 --> 00:07:49,041
I like that one.
186
00:07:49,075 --> 00:07:50,042
15.
187
00:07:50,076 --> 00:07:51,710
15? 15 what?
188
00:07:51,745 --> 00:07:53,512
Dollars.
189
00:07:53,547 --> 00:07:55,381
They're counterfeit.
190
00:07:55,415 --> 00:07:57,950
Can we have two secrets?
191
00:07:57,984 --> 00:07:59,351
Yes, we can.
192
00:07:59,386 --> 00:08:02,438
Ohh, I will take...
Ooh, I'll take the Chanel...
193
00:08:02,489 --> 00:08:04,707
Chanel. And the Prada and
that... and that Gucci.
194
00:08:04,741 --> 00:08:06,842
And the Gucci.
195
00:08:06,877 --> 00:08:08,294
This is gonna be fun.
196
00:08:08,328 --> 00:08:11,564
- This is already fun.
- Oh, my gosh! Sunglasses.
197
00:08:15,819 --> 00:08:17,836
How many potatoes
do we need?
198
00:08:17,871 --> 00:08:19,738
It's your family, Fred.
You tell me.
199
00:08:19,773 --> 00:08:22,107
Well, they do love
their potatoes.
200
00:08:22,142 --> 00:08:23,976
Lisa's not wearing
the dress?
201
00:08:23,994 --> 00:08:25,327
That's T.B.D.
202
00:08:25,362 --> 00:08:28,847
It is not T.B.D. It is "D."
She is wearing the dress.
203
00:08:28,882 --> 00:08:30,382
'Cause if she's not wearing
the dress,
204
00:08:30,417 --> 00:08:32,151
I'm not wearing the vest.
205
00:08:34,020 --> 00:08:35,321
You happy, Fred?
It's anarchy.
206
00:08:35,355 --> 00:08:36,722
Okay, let's not get
hysterical.
207
00:08:36,756 --> 00:08:39,291
Why don't we say we just focus
on the potatoes, all right?
208
00:08:39,326 --> 00:08:41,627
You wanna boil 'em,
or you wanna nuke 'em?
209
00:08:41,661 --> 00:08:42,895
I want to nuke 'em.
210
00:08:42,929 --> 00:08:44,296
All right.
211
00:08:47,334 --> 00:08:48,817
What are you doing?
212
00:08:48,852 --> 00:08:50,920
The only thing I can do, Fred.
I am turning up the heat.
213
00:08:50,954 --> 00:08:51,904
Why?
214
00:08:51,938 --> 00:08:54,106
Why? Because heat rises.
215
00:08:54,140 --> 00:08:57,126
I've got less than 24 hours
to get her into that dress,
216
00:08:57,160 --> 00:08:59,194
so it's no more
Mrs. Nice Guy.
217
00:08:59,229 --> 00:09:01,530
Well, you know, I haven't
seen Mrs. Nice Guy
218
00:09:01,564 --> 00:09:02,915
since the honeymoon.
219
00:09:02,949 --> 00:09:03,866
Stop.
220
00:09:05,168 --> 00:09:08,237
Stop it. Ohh.
Come on. Stop it.
221
00:09:08,288 --> 00:09:10,673
I said, "stop it," Fred!
222
00:09:13,860 --> 00:09:15,628
Sorry.
223
00:09:19,165 --> 00:09:20,666
I'll take it.
224
00:09:20,700 --> 00:09:21,734
What?
225
00:09:21,768 --> 00:09:24,003
I love it. I want it.
I have to have it.
226
00:09:24,037 --> 00:09:25,804
I'll take it.
Where do we pay?
227
00:09:25,839 --> 00:09:28,407
It's not for sale.
It belongs to the museum.
228
00:09:28,441 --> 00:09:31,010
Honey, everything has
a price.
229
00:09:33,146 --> 00:09:34,546
But seriously,
it's not for sale.
230
00:09:34,581 --> 00:09:36,248
We'll see.
231
00:09:36,282 --> 00:09:37,950
So now we don't sit down?
232
00:09:37,984 --> 00:09:40,285
No, we don't sit down,
'cause we have places to go.
233
00:09:40,319 --> 00:09:42,304
And yet we don't hail
a cab?
234
00:09:42,339 --> 00:09:43,305
No, we don't hail a cab.
235
00:09:43,340 --> 00:09:47,026
As we walk,
we fold, drip, and bite.
236
00:09:47,060 --> 00:09:49,361
Oh, that's just filthy.
237
00:09:50,363 --> 00:09:51,430
Is that part of it?
238
00:09:57,437 --> 00:09:59,038
That lying son of a...
239
00:10:04,044 --> 00:10:05,544
Bitch.
240
00:10:06,242 --> 00:10:07,559
I can't believe it.
241
00:10:08,364 --> 00:10:11,215
I can't believe George has been
cheating on the suburbs with Manhattan.
242
00:10:11,254 --> 00:10:12,938
I can't believe that woman.
243
00:10:12,972 --> 00:10:14,339
She looked downright
Puerto Rican.
244
00:10:14,374 --> 00:10:15,941
How old do you suppose
she was?
245
00:10:15,975 --> 00:10:17,059
He lied to me.
246
00:10:17,093 --> 00:10:19,127
And what kind of handbag
was she carrying?
247
00:10:19,162 --> 00:10:21,480
'Cause I certainly
didn't recognize it.
248
00:10:21,514 --> 00:10:22,464
He said he was going
to work.
249
00:10:22,499 --> 00:10:23,615
Looked like
some sort of tote,
250
00:10:23,650 --> 00:10:26,185
like some kind
of pledge drive freebie.
251
00:10:26,219 --> 00:10:29,288
He's busted.
George is so busted.
252
00:10:29,322 --> 00:10:32,207
Now, Tessa, you may as well
just forget you saw any of that,
253
00:10:32,242 --> 00:10:33,959
'cause you and I weren't
supposed to be in the city,
254
00:10:33,993 --> 00:10:37,296
so technically, we didn't
see anything, right?
255
00:10:37,330 --> 00:10:40,199
Right?
256
00:10:47,373 --> 00:10:49,508
Go away, mother.
257
00:10:49,542 --> 00:10:51,410
Dude, it's me.
258
00:10:51,444 --> 00:10:52,878
What do you want?
259
00:10:52,912 --> 00:10:55,480
I just want to say that
what you're doing is cool.
260
00:10:55,515 --> 00:10:58,750
It's really cool. Here.
261
00:10:58,785 --> 00:11:00,519
It's like
when I saw Ace Ventura
262
00:11:00,553 --> 00:11:02,821
in that super confusing
"spotless sunshine" movie
263
00:11:02,839 --> 00:11:05,724
that had the "Titanic" lady
with the midsized naturals.
264
00:11:05,758 --> 00:11:07,910
Well, the movie
pretty much sucked,
265
00:11:07,961 --> 00:11:10,212
but I respected Ace Ventura
for taking a risk,
266
00:11:10,263 --> 00:11:12,531
and that's what
you're doing.
267
00:11:12,565 --> 00:11:14,499
You are taking a risk!
268
00:11:14,534 --> 00:11:16,001
Yeah.
269
00:11:16,035 --> 00:11:18,687
Yeah.
270
00:11:18,721 --> 00:11:21,940
Hey. If you're not gonna
finish that, can I have it?
271
00:11:21,975 --> 00:11:24,593
It's the last one,
and it's super hot in here.
272
00:11:24,627 --> 00:11:25,794
Sure.
273
00:11:37,807 --> 00:11:39,925
Ahh.
274
00:11:39,993 --> 00:11:42,995
Thanks.
275
00:11:43,029 --> 00:11:44,729
You're welcome.
276
00:11:48,851 --> 00:11:51,153
Thanksgiving day in Chatswin,
277
00:11:51,187 --> 00:11:53,322
and I couldn't helpbut wonder what other secrets
278
00:11:53,373 --> 00:11:55,440
George had been keepingfrom me,
279
00:11:55,475 --> 00:11:57,843
if that was even his name.
280
00:12:02,215 --> 00:12:03,815
Your hair looks nice.
Is it different?
281
00:12:03,850 --> 00:12:06,335
Yes, it is.
It's very different.
282
00:12:06,369 --> 00:12:08,553
Yuri.
283
00:12:08,588 --> 00:12:11,490
- What?
- What?
284
00:12:12,992 --> 00:12:14,393
Okay, look, I know why
you're mad,
285
00:12:14,427 --> 00:12:16,895
and I'm... I'm sorry we missed
out on the balloons, but...
286
00:12:16,929 --> 00:12:20,665
I'm not mad about the balloons.
I'm mad about the hypocrisy.
287
00:12:20,683 --> 00:12:22,701
Well, you know, they've got
the casinos now,
288
00:12:22,735 --> 00:12:26,321
so it may just be a band-aid,
but it's a start.
289
00:12:31,410 --> 00:12:33,312
Gobble, gobble.
290
00:12:33,346 --> 00:12:34,279
Gobble, gobble, Sheila.
291
00:12:34,314 --> 00:12:35,914
Oh, thanks for having us.
292
00:12:35,948 --> 00:12:38,216
Whew. Is it a million degrees
in here or what?
293
00:12:38,251 --> 00:12:39,985
You're menopausal, Trish.
294
00:12:40,019 --> 00:12:40,919
Oh, I wouldn't bring that up.
295
00:12:40,953 --> 00:12:42,204
Not a good idea.
296
00:12:42,238 --> 00:12:43,488
I know what it is, Gary.
You don't have to remind me.
297
00:12:43,522 --> 00:12:45,057
It's menopause,
not Alzheimer's.
298
00:12:45,091 --> 00:12:46,391
- Here we go.
- Yes. Hi.
299
00:12:46,426 --> 00:12:47,693
Gobble, gobble, Gary.
300
00:12:47,727 --> 00:12:48,694
Gobble, gobble, Fred.
301
00:12:48,728 --> 00:12:50,162
Gobble, gobble, Trish.
Okay.
302
00:12:50,196 --> 00:12:51,580
Is this
the Thanksgiving day parade
303
00:12:51,614 --> 00:12:53,598
or what?
Aren't they adorable, Fred?
304
00:12:53,633 --> 00:12:55,701
Tiny little pilgrim angels.
305
00:12:55,735 --> 00:12:57,552
Where's Lisa?
Where's Lisa?
306
00:12:57,587 --> 00:12:59,304
Lisa...
Lisa's basting.
307
00:12:59,339 --> 00:13:00,789
She is basting.
308
00:13:04,110 --> 00:13:06,895
Welcome to
the Royce family Thanksgiving.
309
00:13:06,946 --> 00:13:09,748
Oh, my God. Drop dead, Yakult!
I wish you were never born!
310
00:13:09,782 --> 00:13:14,653
Oh! There are the Werners.
Hey, Jill. What is she wearing?
311
00:13:14,687 --> 00:13:17,406
Look at all that purple.
She looks like a skinny grape.
312
00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:19,458
Park 'em car.
313
00:13:19,492 --> 00:13:23,328
Noah, stop it. I'm gonna ask you
not to adjust the seats.
314
00:13:23,363 --> 00:13:25,597
All right, you be careful
in those high heels, gorgeous.
315
00:13:25,631 --> 00:13:27,399
Gobble, gobble.
Gobble, gobble.
316
00:13:27,433 --> 00:13:28,450
Founders or feathers?
317
00:13:28,534 --> 00:13:29,835
You're a racist.
318
00:13:29,869 --> 00:13:31,086
Oh, she's...
319
00:13:31,137 --> 00:13:33,221
Hey. Hi. Can I talk to you
for a second?
320
00:13:33,272 --> 00:13:35,207
Certainly. Out here, shoes on,
or inside, shoes off?
321
00:13:35,241 --> 00:13:37,926
Uh, out, on, okay?
322
00:13:39,979 --> 00:13:41,813
You got a dog
without asking me?
323
00:13:41,831 --> 00:13:43,615
Well, you got a new girlfriend
without asking me.
324
00:13:43,633 --> 00:13:44,683
What?
What are you talking about?
325
00:13:44,717 --> 00:13:46,651
Oh, Google image search it,
Steven.
326
00:13:46,685 --> 00:13:48,587
- I may be old-fashioned...
- Old-fashioned?
327
00:13:48,621 --> 00:13:50,439
- You got...
- Your teenage daughter an I.U.D.
328
00:13:50,490 --> 00:13:51,656
That was
to increase her cell reception,
329
00:13:51,690 --> 00:13:52,958
and I told you that.
330
00:13:52,992 --> 00:13:56,111
She now has full signal, Steven.
Full signal!
331
00:13:56,162 --> 00:14:00,382
All right. You know what?
332
00:14:00,433 --> 00:14:03,201
Oh, my g...
Yakult, are you kidding me?
333
00:14:03,236 --> 00:14:06,138
This is why we don't wear
shoes in the house!
334
00:14:08,241 --> 00:14:09,508
Come on, y... don't. Don't.
335
00:14:09,542 --> 00:14:10,475
Don't. I like you.
336
00:14:10,510 --> 00:14:12,277
It's okay.
337
00:14:13,946 --> 00:14:18,016
Sheila's attempt to smoke Lisaout of her room was working,
338
00:14:18,050 --> 00:14:20,085
and onceLisa's internal temperature
339
00:14:20,119 --> 00:14:24,406
reached the triple digits,she couldn't take it anymore.
340
00:14:39,355 --> 00:14:41,123
Ohh.
341
00:14:41,157 --> 00:14:43,074
Oh.
342
00:14:53,252 --> 00:14:57,088
Friends, family, Steven...
Yakult!
343
00:14:58,825 --> 00:15:02,294
That's a $400 loafer,
Yakult!
344
00:15:02,328 --> 00:15:05,614
First off, I'd like to wish
each and every one of you
345
00:15:05,648 --> 00:15:07,599
- a hearty...
- Gobble, gobble!
346
00:15:07,633 --> 00:15:08,600
Gobble, gobble.
347
00:15:09,602 --> 00:15:11,119
Sorry. That's too loud.
348
00:15:11,154 --> 00:15:13,121
So I just want to thank
everybody for coming
349
00:15:13,156 --> 00:15:16,441
to this great meal that, uh,
my wife commissioned
350
00:15:16,476 --> 00:15:18,109
and my daughter
professionally planned
351
00:15:18,144 --> 00:15:20,212
and somebody cooked.
352
00:15:20,246 --> 00:15:21,213
I just, uh,
I don't know who cooked it.
353
00:15:21,247 --> 00:15:23,748
Sit, Steven.
354
00:15:23,783 --> 00:15:25,417
Now before we begin,
I think we should go
355
00:15:25,451 --> 00:15:26,768
around the table
so that each of us can
356
00:15:26,803 --> 00:15:29,821
articulate just what it is
we're most thankful for.
357
00:15:29,856 --> 00:15:30,789
Noah?
358
00:15:30,823 --> 00:15:32,690
Oh. Um...
359
00:15:32,708 --> 00:15:34,426
Well, uh, at the top
of my list, as always,
360
00:15:34,460 --> 00:15:36,695
is my beautiful wife Jill,
without whom...
361
00:15:36,729 --> 00:15:39,097
Wrap it up, Noah.
362
00:15:39,131 --> 00:15:41,766
She keeps me humble,
so...
363
00:15:44,604 --> 00:15:47,772
Thankful. I'm thankful
that I don't have to dress
364
00:15:47,790 --> 00:15:51,276
like a prostitute to attract
the attention of my husband.
365
00:15:51,310 --> 00:15:52,911
She looks good in wool.
366
00:15:52,945 --> 00:15:55,680
I'm thankful that I have
my own professional identity
367
00:15:55,715 --> 00:15:57,582
outside of my marriage.
368
00:15:57,617 --> 00:15:58,683
And what would that be?
369
00:15:58,718 --> 00:16:00,185
I'm referring
to my latest guide book,
370
00:16:00,219 --> 00:16:03,321
"Uncorked... the wine counties
of central Pennsylvania."
371
00:16:03,355 --> 00:16:04,322
Self-published.
372
00:16:04,357 --> 00:16:05,991
And beautifully bound.
373
00:16:06,025 --> 00:16:08,026
This is a hostess copy.
374
00:16:08,060 --> 00:16:10,562
O-okay, uh, well, I-I know that,
uh, we're all anxious
375
00:16:10,596 --> 00:16:13,498
to get to the turkey,
so I'll be quick. Uh, wow.
376
00:16:13,533 --> 00:16:16,835
There is so much, so much
I'm thankful for this year.
377
00:16:16,869 --> 00:16:17,969
Like the Triborough bridge?
378
00:16:18,004 --> 00:16:19,538
Tessa! We shook on it.
379
00:16:19,572 --> 00:16:21,606
We know about your
secret Puerto Rican girlfriend!
380
00:16:21,641 --> 00:16:22,624
Please tell me this
is true.
381
00:16:22,675 --> 00:16:24,709
Wait. Have you been
following me?
382
00:16:24,743 --> 00:16:26,545
Tessa, you made me
a promise.
383
00:16:26,579 --> 00:16:28,930
You took my kid
into Manhattan?
384
00:16:28,965 --> 00:16:30,015
You lied to me.
385
00:16:30,049 --> 00:16:31,132
You lied to me?
386
00:16:31,183 --> 00:16:33,134
You lied to me!
You said you were going to work.
387
00:16:33,185 --> 00:16:34,603
I-I was at work.
388
00:16:34,637 --> 00:16:36,421
That does not qualify
as work.
389
00:16:36,439 --> 00:16:38,223
It does if you're doing it right.
390
00:16:38,257 --> 00:16:40,725
God, you guys suck
at Thanksgiving!
391
00:16:42,376 --> 00:16:43,543
Okay.
392
00:16:43,577 --> 00:16:45,294
Who's ready for turkey time?
393
00:16:45,329 --> 00:16:47,880
I am, mother.
394
00:16:47,915 --> 00:16:49,332
Is this the dress
you wanted me to wear?
395
00:16:49,366 --> 00:16:50,750
Aah!
396
00:16:50,801 --> 00:16:53,002
- Oh, dear. Ohh.
- Whoa.
397
00:16:53,036 --> 00:16:54,003
Ohh!
398
00:16:54,037 --> 00:16:55,838
Oh, well, that's just great.
399
00:16:55,872 --> 00:16:58,007
Lisa ruined Thanksgiving
with her naked body.
400
00:16:58,041 --> 00:16:59,142
Lisa wasn't like this
401
00:16:59,176 --> 00:17:00,593
before the girl
across the street moved in.
402
00:17:00,644 --> 00:17:02,512
She used to be
a good little girl.
403
00:17:02,546 --> 00:17:05,681
Well, as you can see, I'm not
a good little girl anymore.
404
00:17:05,716 --> 00:17:07,116
I'm a grown woman,
405
00:17:07,151 --> 00:17:09,919
so I certainly don't need you
laying out clothes for me.
406
00:17:09,953 --> 00:17:11,120
Nice rack.
407
00:17:11,155 --> 00:17:12,772
Thank you, Meredith.
408
00:17:12,823 --> 00:17:13,823
You'll have a nice rack,
too, one day.
409
00:17:13,857 --> 00:17:15,658
All the Shay women do.
Right, Nana?
410
00:17:15,692 --> 00:17:18,194
Oh, good Lord, Lisa.
Go to your room!
411
00:17:18,228 --> 00:17:20,780
I'm not going to my room.
Don't you see, mother?
412
00:17:20,831 --> 00:17:23,866
You're not calling
the shots anymore. I am.
413
00:17:23,901 --> 00:17:25,701
Where do you think
you're going?!
414
00:17:25,735 --> 00:17:27,570
I don't know!
415
00:17:27,604 --> 00:17:29,956
Well...
416
00:17:30,007 --> 00:17:31,507
Let's eat.
417
00:17:37,414 --> 00:17:39,415
A little rebellionis a vital part
418
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,434
of becoming an adult,
419
00:17:41,468 --> 00:17:44,520
unless, of course,the police
get involved.
420
00:17:46,990 --> 00:17:48,757
What am I doing?
421
00:17:54,264 --> 00:17:55,314
Jeez!
422
00:18:02,639 --> 00:18:04,240
Keep testing me, Yakult!
423
00:18:04,274 --> 00:18:05,324
Everybody! Everybody, stop
all the yelling. Keep testing me!
424
00:18:05,375 --> 00:18:06,576
You're upsetting the dog.
425
00:18:06,610 --> 00:18:09,045
- No! No! Get out! Get out!
- Steven, let the dog out!
426
00:18:09,079 --> 00:18:10,847
Actually, Dallas,
all this fighting is
427
00:18:10,881 --> 00:18:12,215
historically accurate.
428
00:18:12,249 --> 00:18:14,283
God, we get it, Jenna!
You go to brown.
429
00:18:14,301 --> 00:18:15,551
That's correct. I go to brown.
430
00:18:15,586 --> 00:18:17,119
Don't patronize
my daughter.
431
00:18:17,137 --> 00:18:19,338
- Don't reprimand mine.
- Well, someone has to.
432
00:18:19,389 --> 00:18:21,390
She's a product
of terrible parenting!
433
00:18:21,425 --> 00:18:23,593
You're the one
who scheduled a C-section
434
00:18:23,627 --> 00:18:24,644
before Jenna was term!
435
00:18:24,678 --> 00:18:25,895
- Ohh.
- Ha.
436
00:18:25,929 --> 00:18:27,697
We had
a nonrefundable cruise booked.
437
00:18:27,731 --> 00:18:30,132
I was born premature so you guys
could go on a cruise?
438
00:18:30,150 --> 00:18:32,518
So... so we could all go
on a cruise as a family.
439
00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:36,472
- Hey, sit down.
- It's not over. This is not over.
440
00:18:36,507 --> 00:18:37,773
I was up for a job
redesigning a bar.
441
00:18:37,808 --> 00:18:39,742
That's why I started going
back to the city.
442
00:18:39,776 --> 00:18:40,810
How many times?
443
00:18:40,844 --> 00:18:41,844
Tessa...
444
00:18:41,879 --> 00:18:43,079
How many times?
445
00:18:43,113 --> 00:18:44,914
I-I've been out
with her twice.
446
00:18:44,948 --> 00:18:46,866
How many times have you been
back to the city?
447
00:18:46,917 --> 00:18:48,384
Oh. I don't know.
Maybe five, six times.
448
00:18:48,418 --> 00:18:49,585
I thought...
449
00:18:49,620 --> 00:18:51,187
I thought
we were talking about Zoe.
450
00:18:51,221 --> 00:18:52,688
Zoe.
451
00:18:52,723 --> 00:18:56,492
Look, I needed to... to work on
something other than skylights.
452
00:18:56,510 --> 00:18:58,594
You can understand that,
right?
453
00:18:58,629 --> 00:19:00,263
Understand that you feel
creatively unfulfilled?
454
00:19:00,297 --> 00:19:01,631
- Yes. - That you're
hard-pressed to find people
455
00:19:01,665 --> 00:19:03,366
you want to hang out
with here, let alone date?
456
00:19:03,400 --> 00:19:05,668
Yeah, George.
I think I understand.
457
00:19:05,686 --> 00:19:08,104
The rules aren't the same
for us, Tessa. I'm sorry.
458
00:19:08,138 --> 00:19:10,740
Oh, right. I get it.
I'm forced to live
459
00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:14,277
my entire existence in suburbia
with pin-straight hair,
460
00:19:14,311 --> 00:19:16,212
but somehow
you've been pardoned.
461
00:19:16,246 --> 00:19:17,346
I know it's hard to accept
462
00:19:17,381 --> 00:19:19,148
because I've always
given you a say,
463
00:19:19,182 --> 00:19:20,783
but we are not equals.
464
00:19:20,817 --> 00:19:24,687
Sometimes kids have to do things
their parents don't.
465
00:19:28,258 --> 00:19:29,959
And you're not supposed
to always like me.
466
00:19:29,993 --> 00:19:31,994
Mission accomplished.
467
00:19:40,254 --> 00:19:43,673
Maybe it was the spiritof Thanksgiving,
468
00:19:43,707 --> 00:19:45,391
but somewherealong the car ride home,
469
00:19:45,425 --> 00:19:47,143
i became the turkey,
470
00:19:47,177 --> 00:19:49,262
and George becamePresident Barack Obama.
471
00:19:49,313 --> 00:19:50,546
So I looked up
the definition
472
00:19:50,581 --> 00:19:53,449
of "tradition"
in the dictionary.
473
00:19:53,483 --> 00:19:55,918
Turns out you were right.
474
00:19:55,953 --> 00:19:57,219
Is this the Highway?
475
00:19:57,254 --> 00:19:59,221
Holy crap!
What... what are you...
476
00:19:59,239 --> 00:20:00,356
Lisa!
477
00:20:00,390 --> 00:20:01,958
Okay, I'm having
a heart attack here.
478
00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:03,826
I can't feel my hands,
and my feet are tingling.
479
00:20:03,860 --> 00:20:05,494
Uh... I see you
decided not to wear the dress
480
00:20:05,529 --> 00:20:07,029
or anything else,
apparently.
481
00:20:07,064 --> 00:20:08,864
Well, being nude is
surprisingly liberating.
482
00:20:08,898 --> 00:20:09,865
Lisa, quickly.
483
00:20:09,900 --> 00:20:11,784
There's a gym bag
on the floor...
484
00:20:11,835 --> 00:20:13,536
Hmm. With sweat stuff in it.
Would you please?
485
00:20:13,570 --> 00:20:16,289
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sure thing, Mr. Altman.
486
00:20:17,758 --> 00:20:19,976
You went to bard?
487
00:20:20,010 --> 00:20:23,479
Sometimes you have to finishwhat you started.
488
00:20:23,513 --> 00:20:26,148
George wasn't going torelocate us back to Manhattan,
489
00:20:26,183 --> 00:20:27,383
but that didn't mean
490
00:20:27,417 --> 00:20:29,885
he couldn't occasionallycompromise...
491
00:20:29,920 --> 00:20:32,722
If I make coffee,
will you have some?
492
00:20:32,756 --> 00:20:35,324
I'll be up all night.
493
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:37,226
What if I make decaf?
494
00:20:38,762 --> 00:20:41,297
Sure.
495
00:20:41,331 --> 00:20:45,534
And sometimes a small gesturegoes a long way.
496
00:20:45,569 --> 00:20:48,504
Well, at least I made good
on the milk shakes.
497
00:20:48,538 --> 00:20:51,874
This better be
one damn good black-and-white.
498
00:20:51,892 --> 00:20:54,810
There's a long, black hair
in mine.
499
00:20:54,845 --> 00:20:57,546
Oh, well, that... that's
probably just Martino's.
500
00:20:57,564 --> 00:20:58,714
Don't worry. You'll be fine.
501
00:20:58,749 --> 00:21:00,216
Oh, he's very healthy.
502
00:21:00,250 --> 00:21:01,400
It won't hurt you.
503
00:21:01,435 --> 00:21:03,253
Mm-hmm. You should be fine.
504
00:21:03,340 --> 00:21:06,840
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
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