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1
00:00:00,507 --> 00:00:03,007
Tessa: Winter, spring, summer,
fall,
2
00:00:03,040 --> 00:00:05,140
I was familiar with
all four seasons.
3
00:00:05,187 --> 00:00:08,687
So you can imagine how surprised I was
to learn that Chatswin
4
00:00:08,762 --> 00:00:10,482
had one more season.
5
00:00:10,541 --> 00:00:11,457
Croquet.
6
00:00:11,492 --> 00:00:13,042
(Clatters)
7
00:00:14,611 --> 00:00:16,245
(Man) ♪ let's go
8
00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:21,417
♪ let's go, let's go
9
00:00:25,255 --> 00:00:26,856
technique was important,
10
00:00:26,890 --> 00:00:29,709
but so was chemistry
between partners.
11
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:32,562
Hey, y'all.
This is Sven from Iceland.
12
00:00:32,596 --> 00:00:35,448
He's uncircumcised.
13
00:00:35,499 --> 00:00:36,566
(Thud)
Ow.
14
00:00:39,636 --> 00:00:43,339
Having the wrong partner could
really throw off the game.
15
00:00:47,685 --> 00:00:49,936
(Dallas laughs)
16
00:00:49,970 --> 00:00:51,804
(Sighs)
17
00:00:55,226 --> 00:00:56,192
(Gasps)
18
00:00:56,227 --> 00:00:58,578
Do they have croquet in Mexico?
19
00:00:58,612 --> 00:01:00,413
Oh, I'm from Guatemala.
20
00:01:00,447 --> 00:01:03,733
Croquet season coincided
with mating season,
21
00:01:03,784 --> 00:01:06,686
and Dallas seemed to be
enjoying her newly single life,
22
00:01:06,720 --> 00:01:08,588
even if it was raising
a few eyebrows.
23
00:01:08,622 --> 00:01:09,589
(Dallas chuckles)
24
00:01:09,607 --> 00:01:10,557
(Whispers)
That's a woman.
25
00:01:10,591 --> 00:01:12,242
I can see that, Fred.
26
00:01:12,293 --> 00:01:14,193
(Dallas giggles)
27
00:01:15,713 --> 00:01:19,498
Meanwhile, a new woman had just
entered my life as well.
28
00:01:19,516 --> 00:01:21,334
(Anya Marina)
♪ Semester is out
29
00:01:21,352 --> 00:01:22,986
♪ uh-huh, uh-huh
30
00:01:23,020 --> 00:01:24,804
♪ the teacher is in
31
00:01:24,838 --> 00:01:26,422
♪ uh-huh, uh-huh
32
00:01:26,457 --> 00:01:27,590
♪ there ain't no exams
33
00:01:27,625 --> 00:01:29,008
(Tessa) Cool.
34
00:01:29,043 --> 00:01:31,527
♪ You better bet
you're gonna learn something ♪
35
00:01:31,562 --> 00:01:33,846
♪ uh-huh, uh-huh
36
00:01:33,881 --> 00:01:37,450
♪ oh, uh-huh, uh-huh
37
00:01:37,468 --> 00:01:39,719
♪ oh, uh-huh, uh-huh
38
00:01:39,737 --> 00:01:42,705
Okay. What do you think
about this one?
39
00:01:42,756 --> 00:01:44,657
I think it's weird that
you've tried on three outfits
40
00:01:44,692 --> 00:01:45,892
for a poetry class.
41
00:01:45,926 --> 00:01:47,060
That's because you don't
get it, George.
42
00:01:47,094 --> 00:01:49,829
Ms. Evans is super cool.
I have to look cool,
43
00:01:49,863 --> 00:01:51,014
or she won't realize
how cool I am.
44
00:01:51,065 --> 00:01:52,832
You know, in my day...
The early '90s...
45
00:01:52,866 --> 00:01:55,118
Coolness was about
not trying to look cool.
46
00:01:55,152 --> 00:01:56,702
Nirvana taught us that.
47
00:01:56,720 --> 00:01:59,706
Don't be stupid, George.
Ms. Evans is from San Francisco.
48
00:01:59,740 --> 00:02:00,974
She has a shoulder tattoo,
49
00:02:01,008 --> 00:02:02,709
and she once made out
with Casey Affleck.
50
00:02:02,743 --> 00:02:05,261
I'm gonna go
try on some chunky glasses.
51
00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:09,261
(Doorbell rings)
52
00:02:09,295 --> 00:02:11,647
Sorry to bother you, George,
but it's an emergency.
53
00:02:11,681 --> 00:02:12,648
It's about Dallas.
54
00:02:12,682 --> 00:02:13,782
There's been an accident.
55
00:02:13,816 --> 00:02:15,050
Oh, my God. Is she okay?
56
00:02:15,085 --> 00:02:16,085
No, she's not.
57
00:02:16,119 --> 00:02:18,086
Quite frankly,
she's a hot mess.
58
00:02:18,104 --> 00:02:19,688
She's been parading
a bunch of traveling men
59
00:02:19,723 --> 00:02:21,156
around the croquet field.
60
00:02:21,191 --> 00:02:22,858
Okay, that doesn't sound
like an accident.
61
00:02:22,892 --> 00:02:24,360
It's a social accident.
62
00:02:24,394 --> 00:02:25,694
People are talking.
63
00:02:25,728 --> 00:02:27,196
To be fair, it's mostly us.
64
00:02:27,230 --> 00:02:28,530
And that's usually
how it starts.
65
00:02:28,565 --> 00:02:30,366
She's been acting like
a real tramp.
66
00:02:30,400 --> 00:02:32,634
And that's gonna drive down
property values.
67
00:02:32,669 --> 00:02:34,436
I don't see how it could.
"Tramp town"?
68
00:02:34,471 --> 00:02:36,171
I don't want to live there.
I might plan a day trip...
69
00:02:36,206 --> 00:02:37,539
George, Dallas needs help
70
00:02:37,574 --> 00:02:39,258
and stability
and a croquet partner
71
00:02:39,292 --> 00:02:40,876
who doesn't look like
he has...
72
00:02:40,910 --> 00:02:42,044
Crabs.
73
00:02:42,078 --> 00:02:43,128
Okay, look, I don't know
74
00:02:43,179 --> 00:02:45,214
if Dallas would want me
to be her partner.
75
00:02:45,248 --> 00:02:46,715
The last time I tried
to give her personal advice,
76
00:02:46,749 --> 00:02:48,217
we got into a fight.
77
00:02:48,251 --> 00:02:50,319
She's a little sensitive
post-divorce.
78
00:02:50,353 --> 00:02:52,254
Well, no better way
to mend hurt feelings
79
00:02:52,272 --> 00:02:53,789
than with a mallet
and some balls.
80
00:02:53,823 --> 00:02:55,090
Amen.
81
00:02:56,693 --> 00:02:58,694
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
82
00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:03,465
(Alih Jay) ♪ Last night I had
a pleasant nightmare ♪
83
00:03:03,500 --> 00:03:06,652
♪ da-da-da-da,
da, da, da, da ♪
84
00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:07,636
(Door creaks)
85
00:03:07,670 --> 00:03:09,505
Sheila!
86
00:03:09,539 --> 00:03:12,991
We closed early for inventory.
87
00:03:13,043 --> 00:03:15,344
You home?
88
00:03:15,378 --> 00:03:17,713
(Singsongy) Hello?
89
00:03:17,747 --> 00:03:20,349
Anybody home?
90
00:03:20,383 --> 00:03:23,168
(Chuckles)
91
00:03:25,672 --> 00:03:27,356
All right.
92
00:03:27,390 --> 00:03:31,860
Hank moody, whose Booty
shall we plunder today?
93
00:03:31,895 --> 00:03:34,346
Damn it!
94
00:03:34,397 --> 00:03:36,231
Ohh!
95
00:03:37,233 --> 00:03:38,734
(Remote control clatters)
96
00:03:42,405 --> 00:03:43,639
Ohh.
97
00:03:43,673 --> 00:03:47,359
Where is that stupid password?
98
00:03:47,410 --> 00:03:49,478
Oh, really?
99
00:03:51,448 --> 00:03:53,749
(Sighs)
100
00:03:53,783 --> 00:03:56,285
(Sheila's voice) "I had
the dream again last night.
101
00:03:56,319 --> 00:03:58,420
I had just finished scolding
Lisa..." (Doorbell rings)
102
00:03:58,455 --> 00:03:59,538
"When the doorbell rang..."
103
00:03:59,589 --> 00:04:01,790
(Door creaks)
"And George was there.
104
00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:03,325
"He complimented
my parenting skills
105
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:05,827
"and noticed how tidy
the house was.
106
00:04:05,845 --> 00:04:07,329
"I went to fix him
a cup of tea,
107
00:04:07,363 --> 00:04:08,680
"and when I returned,
108
00:04:08,715 --> 00:04:11,350
"he was completely nude
and covered in oil...
109
00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:14,103
"Not the dirty, black oil,
110
00:04:14,137 --> 00:04:16,171
"but the sexy, clear kind.
111
00:04:16,189 --> 00:04:18,207
"He stood there glistening,
112
00:04:18,241 --> 00:04:19,858
"and then he opened my mouth
113
00:04:19,893 --> 00:04:22,227
and kissed me like
a frenchman."
114
00:04:24,731 --> 00:04:25,697
(Sighs) Aah!
115
00:04:25,732 --> 00:04:26,882
(Book thuds)
116
00:04:26,916 --> 00:04:28,150
(Sighs)
117
00:04:34,762 --> 00:04:36,263
(Tessa)
The arrival of Ms. Evans
118
00:04:36,297 --> 00:04:38,797
made me realize what I'd really
been missing in Chatswin...
119
00:04:39,021 --> 00:04:41,722
A role model, someone cool
whose style and taste
120
00:04:41,757 --> 00:04:43,574
i could actually look up to.
121
00:04:43,576 --> 00:04:46,995
You all did a great job on
your first in-class assignment,
122
00:04:47,030 --> 00:04:50,265
but I want to single out
a special student in our midst.
123
00:04:50,300 --> 00:04:51,967
In fact, I don't even know
if we can really call
124
00:04:52,001 --> 00:04:53,669
this person a "student,"
125
00:04:53,703 --> 00:04:56,504
for I believe she's here
to teach us.
126
00:04:56,796 --> 00:04:58,263
It wasn't like me to showboat,
127
00:04:58,297 --> 00:05:00,498
but it also wasn't like me
to question the judgment
128
00:05:00,533 --> 00:05:02,934
of someone
as cool as Ms. Evans.
129
00:05:02,969 --> 00:05:06,104
Dalia Royce,
will you do us the honor
130
00:05:06,138 --> 00:05:08,607
of reading your poem,
"Aids frowny face,"
131
00:05:08,641 --> 00:05:10,075
for the class?
132
00:05:10,109 --> 00:05:11,509
Dalia Royce?
133
00:05:11,544 --> 00:05:12,811
Is that bitch high?
134
00:05:12,845 --> 00:05:14,729
(School bell rings)
135
00:05:18,732 --> 00:05:20,616
Ms. Evans...
136
00:05:20,651 --> 00:05:22,802
Are you high?
137
00:05:22,836 --> 00:05:25,104
Never mind.
138
00:05:25,139 --> 00:05:27,974
I'm super excited
for this class,
139
00:05:28,008 --> 00:05:31,077
and I... really
love poetry.
140
00:05:31,111 --> 00:05:34,947
Thanks, Tessa.
That's a great attitude.
141
00:05:34,982 --> 00:05:36,966
(Lowered voice)
Poetry loves you, too.
142
00:05:37,017 --> 00:05:38,651
(Gasps) Good.
143
00:05:39,526 --> 00:05:41,593
(Chuckles)
I was hoping it did.
144
00:05:41,628 --> 00:05:43,495
Look, I just wanted
to let you know,
145
00:05:43,530 --> 00:05:46,715
unlike everyone else
in this town, I get it.
146
00:05:46,766 --> 00:05:48,100
(Singsongy)
Chatswin is super weird...
147
00:05:48,134 --> 00:05:49,401
(Normal voice)
And kinda shallow,
148
00:05:49,435 --> 00:05:52,020
and if you ever need
someone to stand apart
149
00:05:52,055 --> 00:05:54,406
and observe
the shallow weirdness
150
00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:56,825
with an acerbic wit,
151
00:05:56,876 --> 00:05:58,176
I'm your girl.
152
00:05:58,210 --> 00:06:01,413
I'll keep that in mind.
153
00:06:01,447 --> 00:06:03,482
A 72?
154
00:06:03,516 --> 00:06:06,919
A lot of people think
you can't assign a number grade
155
00:06:06,953 --> 00:06:09,454
to something as subjective
as a poem,
156
00:06:09,489 --> 00:06:10,889
but you can.
157
00:06:10,924 --> 00:06:12,357
Huh.
158
00:06:12,392 --> 00:06:13,625
Don't be so hard
on yourself.
159
00:06:13,660 --> 00:06:16,628
We can't all be Dalia Royce
right out of the gate.
160
00:06:16,663 --> 00:06:17,930
You know, I have been
teaching poetry
161
00:06:17,964 --> 00:06:20,398
for 2 1/4 years now,
162
00:06:20,416 --> 00:06:23,569
and I have never seen anyone
quite like her before.
163
00:06:24,625 --> 00:06:25,858
Yeah, she's unique.
164
00:06:25,893 --> 00:06:28,728
She's able to make
small revelations seem complex.
165
00:06:28,762 --> 00:06:31,948
Her voice has
a sort of detached opacity.
166
00:06:31,982 --> 00:06:34,334
Oh, is that what it has?
167
00:06:34,368 --> 00:06:36,269
Some of that acerbic wit
you were referring to?
168
00:06:36,337 --> 00:06:38,321
Not bad, Tessa. Not bad.
169
00:06:38,355 --> 00:06:39,905
I'd give it a 74.
170
00:06:39,957 --> 00:06:41,507
I know what
you're thinking,
171
00:06:41,542 --> 00:06:44,844
and, yes,
you can also grade wit.
172
00:06:44,878 --> 00:06:46,312
Thanks.
173
00:06:46,347 --> 00:06:47,780
Mm-hmm.
174
00:06:50,322 --> 00:06:52,907
(Indistinct conversations)
175
00:06:52,942 --> 00:06:54,959
I heard this group was looking
for a fourth.
176
00:06:55,010 --> 00:06:56,377
Really, Sheila?
177
00:06:56,412 --> 00:06:58,846
George Altman? That's who you
wanted to set me up with?
178
00:06:58,864 --> 00:07:02,167
Yes, for croquet.
Lookin' good, George.
179
00:07:02,218 --> 00:07:05,220
Really? I'd say he's looking
a little fat in the face.
180
00:07:05,254 --> 00:07:07,505
Fred, nice to see you.
181
00:07:07,556 --> 00:07:08,890
So, George, are you here
to tell me how to live
182
00:07:08,924 --> 00:07:11,810
my newly single life,
oppress me, finesse me,
183
00:07:11,844 --> 00:07:14,428
redress me, wrap me
head to toe in a sherpa?
184
00:07:14,446 --> 00:07:16,131
I-I think you mean a burka.
185
00:07:16,198 --> 00:07:18,299
I refuse to be corrected
by the likes of you.
186
00:07:18,317 --> 00:07:21,035
I may have used the wrong word,
but that's my right.
187
00:07:21,053 --> 00:07:23,838
I'm a full-grown woman,
George Altman. Full-grown.
188
00:07:24,106 --> 00:07:26,741
(Chuckles) Dallas, relax.
No one thinks you're...
189
00:07:26,775 --> 00:07:27,875
Still growing.
190
00:07:27,909 --> 00:07:29,560
- Good.
- Look, I come in peace.
191
00:07:29,594 --> 00:07:30,644
I just thought
it might be nice
192
00:07:30,679 --> 00:07:32,446
to be on the same team
for a change.
193
00:07:32,464 --> 00:07:34,014
Well, we'll just see
about that, George.
194
00:07:34,049 --> 00:07:35,266
I'd like to reserve judgment
195
00:07:35,300 --> 00:07:37,168
until I see
how you handle your mallet.
196
00:07:37,219 --> 00:07:38,386
Oh, this?
197
00:07:38,420 --> 00:07:40,254
I got this.
198
00:07:41,256 --> 00:07:42,757
Boom!
199
00:07:42,791 --> 00:07:43,891
(Chuckles) What was that?
200
00:07:43,925 --> 00:07:45,309
(Chuckles)
Was that your swing? (Laughs)
201
00:07:45,343 --> 00:07:46,994
- That's not how it's done, George.
- Ohh.
202
00:07:47,028 --> 00:07:47,945
It's through the legs.
203
00:07:47,979 --> 00:07:48,996
Let me show you.
I'll show him.
204
00:07:49,030 --> 00:07:51,082
Stand down, Fred.
205
00:07:51,826 --> 00:07:55,186
First of all, you gotta get
a good grip on that shaft, okay?
206
00:07:55,237 --> 00:07:57,747
Okay. Tight, but don't
choke it, all right?
207
00:07:58,177 --> 00:07:59,224
Nice. Good.
208
00:07:59,459 --> 00:08:01,328
Slow thrust here. Thrust...
209
00:08:01,363 --> 00:08:02,363
Mm-hmm.
210
00:08:02,397 --> 00:08:03,647
With a lot
of follow-through.
211
00:08:03,698 --> 00:08:04,698
Mm-hmm.
All right.
212
00:08:04,733 --> 00:08:07,384
Gonna use your body
to drive it.
213
00:08:07,436 --> 00:08:09,670
Drive it. Drive it.
214
00:08:09,704 --> 00:08:11,038
Drive it, George.
215
00:08:11,072 --> 00:08:13,073
Drive it. Good. Drive it.
216
00:08:13,108 --> 00:08:14,058
Drive it
in a straight line.
217
00:08:14,109 --> 00:08:16,116
Drive it! All right.
Drive it, George!
218
00:08:17,045 --> 00:08:18,279
- Whoo!
- Beautiful!
219
00:08:18,313 --> 00:08:20,113
That was beautiful!
220
00:08:20,132 --> 00:08:22,216
It really was. Go, George!
221
00:08:22,250 --> 00:08:26,229
(Billy squier's
"Everybody wants you" playing)
222
00:08:26,847 --> 00:08:29,057
Right through that hole.
223
00:08:29,774 --> 00:08:31,075
♪ You see 'em comin' at you
224
00:08:31,109 --> 00:08:33,494
whoo! Uhh!
225
00:08:33,528 --> 00:08:34,695
♪ Strung on pretension
226
00:08:34,729 --> 00:08:36,447
♪ they fall for you
at first sight ♪
227
00:08:36,498 --> 00:08:38,466
Ow! (Grunts)
228
00:08:38,500 --> 00:08:41,569
Timber! Ha ha ha ha!
229
00:08:41,603 --> 00:08:44,071
♪ Say good-bye
to conventional ways ♪
230
00:08:44,105 --> 00:08:45,840
♪ you can't escape the hours
231
00:08:45,874 --> 00:08:47,608
♪ you lose track of the days
232
00:08:47,642 --> 00:08:49,142
♪ the more you understand
233
00:08:50,259 --> 00:08:51,812
(George)
Right through, ladies!
234
00:08:51,847 --> 00:08:53,547
♪ You never get away
235
00:08:53,582 --> 00:08:55,267
(grunts)
236
00:08:56,408 --> 00:08:57,918
♪ Everybody wants you
237
00:08:57,936 --> 00:09:00,070
(George) Ha ha ha!
238
00:09:00,121 --> 00:09:02,590
♪ Whoo
239
00:09:04,151 --> 00:09:05,385
(lowered voice) Enough.
240
00:09:05,419 --> 00:09:07,086
- What?
- You've made your point.
241
00:09:07,154 --> 00:09:09,188
You're a croquet God.
242
00:09:09,223 --> 00:09:12,358
Now stick it back in your pants
and show a little dignity.
243
00:09:12,393 --> 00:09:13,760
Whoa. Fred,
what's wrong with you?
244
00:09:13,794 --> 00:09:17,399
You are frothing my wife up
into a frothy frenzy,
245
00:09:17,767 --> 00:09:20,015
and I would appreciate
a little decorum.
246
00:09:20,100 --> 00:09:22,467
Uh, okay. I didn't mean
to froth anyone.
247
00:09:22,561 --> 00:09:24,500
Well, you just remember this,
George Altman.
248
00:09:24,531 --> 00:09:26,816
Sheila's last name is
the same as mine,
249
00:09:26,818 --> 00:09:30,010
so no matter how much
she may fantasiz about
250
00:09:30,046 --> 00:09:33,333
your tumescent addendum,
I'm the man she married.
251
00:09:33,382 --> 00:09:34,415
Got it?
252
00:09:34,449 --> 00:09:36,250
I-I don't know what
that means.
253
00:09:36,285 --> 00:09:38,286
What is that on your face?
Is that dirt?
254
00:09:38,320 --> 00:09:41,656
(Scoffs) I have no idea
what you're talking about.
255
00:09:46,662 --> 00:09:50,481
(Indistinct conversations)
256
00:09:50,822 --> 00:09:52,607
What do you think
they're talking about?
257
00:09:52,641 --> 00:09:54,341
Who?
258
00:09:54,359 --> 00:09:56,077
Ms. Evans is probably
telling Dalia
259
00:09:56,111 --> 00:09:59,246
about some cool, new band
whose bass player
260
00:09:59,281 --> 00:10:01,282
she used to date,
261
00:10:01,316 --> 00:10:04,235
a band Dalia would never
in a million years be into,
262
00:10:04,286 --> 00:10:06,426
but I would have loved.
263
00:10:06,676 --> 00:10:08,411
Well, I'm not
a professional lip-reader,
264
00:10:08,438 --> 00:10:12,074
but I think Dalia just said
something about brownies?
265
00:10:12,108 --> 00:10:14,493
Or bran eyes?
Brown thighs.
266
00:10:14,527 --> 00:10:17,346
I hope Dalia enjoys
the attention while it lasts,
267
00:10:17,380 --> 00:10:20,649
because that's
gonna be me soon.
268
00:10:20,667 --> 00:10:23,118
Once Ms. Evans reads
the poem I just finished...
269
00:10:23,136 --> 00:10:25,637
(Exhales deeply)
Things are gonna go
270
00:10:25,672 --> 00:10:27,506
a little differently
around here.
271
00:10:27,540 --> 00:10:28,791
You're gonna have
a tough time competing
272
00:10:28,825 --> 00:10:30,742
with the one I wrote
about Ryan.
273
00:10:30,777 --> 00:10:32,811
Well, I'm not messing
around anymore.
274
00:10:32,846 --> 00:10:33,812
(Paper rustles loudly)
275
00:10:33,847 --> 00:10:36,131
I decided to go there.
276
00:10:36,880 --> 00:10:38,247
Are you...
277
00:10:38,266 --> 00:10:39,833
Playing the "mom left
when I was young" card?
278
00:10:39,868 --> 00:10:43,237
Yeah. Yes, I am.
279
00:10:43,271 --> 00:10:45,005
Desperate times call
for desperate measures.
280
00:10:45,961 --> 00:10:47,899
Seems pretty desperate.
281
00:10:51,270 --> 00:10:54,139
That's the first time
I've beaten the Shays ever.
282
00:10:54,150 --> 00:10:56,451
Felt good. Felt real good.
283
00:10:56,469 --> 00:10:57,803
Thank you.
284
00:10:57,837 --> 00:11:00,922
Did you notice anything
strange about Sheila today?
285
00:11:01,496 --> 00:11:02,691
You mean the shoes?
286
00:11:02,725 --> 00:11:04,259
I wasn't gonna go there,
but it looked like
287
00:11:04,293 --> 00:11:06,061
she stole 'em off
a court Jester.
288
00:11:06,095 --> 00:11:07,979
There! Somebody said it.
289
00:11:08,014 --> 00:11:10,048
(Lowered voice) I wasn't
talking about her shoes.
290
00:11:10,133 --> 00:11:12,233
Did you notice her
throwing me any vibes?
291
00:11:12,251 --> 00:11:14,890
Vibes? What kind of vibes?
292
00:11:14,952 --> 00:11:16,605
(Sighs) Sexual vibes.
293
00:11:16,639 --> 00:11:18,674
I think
you're stone-cold trippin'.
294
00:11:18,784 --> 00:11:20,385
If I recall, just recently,
295
00:11:20,419 --> 00:11:22,787
you accused me of being
into you as well.
296
00:11:22,822 --> 00:11:24,456
After you kissed me,
not to harp,
297
00:11:24,490 --> 00:11:25,874
but this...
This is different.
298
00:11:25,925 --> 00:11:28,460
(Chuckles) Sounds like
someone's decided
299
00:11:28,494 --> 00:11:31,068
they're the white Wesley Snipes
of Chatswin.
300
00:11:31,280 --> 00:11:32,981
The whole female population's
in some sort
301
00:11:33,015 --> 00:11:34,249
of hormonal tizzy...
(Cell phone alert chimes)
302
00:11:34,283 --> 00:11:37,230
Since you rolled into town.
Is that it, George? (Sighs)
303
00:11:37,321 --> 00:11:40,423
(Whispers) I'm not wearing
any underwear. (Gasps)
304
00:11:44,961 --> 00:11:48,430
"Bugatti Veyron.
Lamborghini Murceilago.
305
00:11:48,464 --> 00:11:52,167
"Pagani Zonda. Ferrari Enzo.
306
00:11:52,553 --> 00:11:53,620
"Think about it.
307
00:11:53,654 --> 00:11:55,722
"You guys.
308
00:11:55,757 --> 00:11:57,574
Cars."
309
00:12:04,931 --> 00:12:06,632
Boom.
310
00:12:06,666 --> 00:12:08,100
(Whispers) Wow.
311
00:12:08,134 --> 00:12:09,334
(Normal voice) Powerful.
312
00:12:10,536 --> 00:12:13,388
Wow. I just got it.
313
00:12:14,291 --> 00:12:18,310
Welcome, Lisa...
To getting it.
314
00:12:18,345 --> 00:12:20,395
Okay. (Chuckles) Whew.
315
00:12:20,665 --> 00:12:22,933
(Chuckles)
Who'd like to go next?
316
00:12:23,078 --> 00:12:26,051
Although I can't imagine trying
to follow that act.
317
00:12:32,225 --> 00:12:34,326
(Sighs)
318
00:12:34,361 --> 00:12:35,628
"Mother.
319
00:12:36,303 --> 00:12:39,331
"Girl turns 3
on a store-bought cake.
320
00:12:39,366 --> 00:12:42,635
"Extinguished the candles
but not the hate.
321
00:12:42,669 --> 00:12:45,404
"No kiss good night.
322
00:12:45,438 --> 00:12:47,254
"No lipstick red.
323
00:12:48,621 --> 00:12:50,276
"No cool hand
324
00:12:50,515 --> 00:12:52,468
touching her feverish..."
325
00:12:54,368 --> 00:12:55,728
(Voice breaks) "Head."
326
00:12:57,518 --> 00:12:58,695
Okeydokey.
327
00:12:58,942 --> 00:13:00,843
(School bell rings)
328
00:13:01,588 --> 00:13:02,955
Tessa, can I see you
for a moment?
329
00:13:02,989 --> 00:13:05,757
(Singsong voice, under breath)
Finally. Some recognition.
330
00:13:05,775 --> 00:13:07,810
(Whispers) Okay.
331
00:13:07,861 --> 00:13:10,095
Can I ask you
something personal?
332
00:13:10,113 --> 00:13:12,698
Oh, God, yes!
Ask me anything.
333
00:13:12,732 --> 00:13:14,200
Let's connect.
334
00:13:14,234 --> 00:13:16,602
Was there any truth
behind your poem today?
335
00:13:17,239 --> 00:13:18,904
A lot of truth.
336
00:13:18,939 --> 00:13:20,606
So much truth, truly.
337
00:13:20,640 --> 00:13:22,441
Huh. Strange.
338
00:13:22,475 --> 00:13:24,176
I found myself not caring.
339
00:13:24,211 --> 00:13:25,311
Not...
340
00:13:25,345 --> 00:13:28,013
Caring at all,
and it pained me
341
00:13:28,048 --> 00:13:30,583
to see you grasping
at straws creatively.
342
00:13:30,617 --> 00:13:33,469
Dalia, would you consider
working with Tessa
343
00:13:33,503 --> 00:13:34,803
on her poetry?
344
00:13:34,838 --> 00:13:36,955
Ugh. Do I have to?
345
00:13:36,973 --> 00:13:38,390
No, certainly not.
Totally up to you.
346
00:13:38,425 --> 00:13:39,825
I really don't like Tessa.
347
00:13:39,860 --> 00:13:43,262
Wow. You don't pull
any punches, do you?
348
00:13:43,296 --> 00:13:44,496
(Whispers) That's brave.
349
00:13:44,531 --> 00:13:46,732
It's just
I really can't stand Tessa.
350
00:13:46,766 --> 00:13:49,201
So honest.
351
00:13:49,236 --> 00:13:52,037
Look, I can throw in
a little extra credit for you.
352
00:13:53,473 --> 00:13:54,974
Okay. Fine.
353
00:13:55,007 --> 00:13:58,197
I guess I'll do it,
since it's for extra credit.
354
00:13:58,283 --> 00:14:00,383
You are both true and wise
355
00:14:00,463 --> 00:14:02,677
- Dalia Royce.
- I know.
356
00:14:04,078 --> 00:14:06,878
- Good news, she's willing..
- Yeah.
357
00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:08,480
I heard.
358
00:14:17,648 --> 00:14:19,855
I don't have
an original idea in my head.
359
00:14:20,113 --> 00:14:21,964
Poetry class not going well?
360
00:14:21,998 --> 00:14:24,150
Teacher didn't give you an "A"
for those chunky glasses?
361
00:14:24,184 --> 00:14:26,001
- She's not into me.
- Oh, come on.
362
00:14:26,036 --> 00:14:27,736
Believe me, no one's
more surprised than I am.
363
00:14:27,771 --> 00:14:31,287
Ms. Evans is inexplicably
enamored with... Dalia.
364
00:14:31,568 --> 00:14:33,252
Dalia Royce.
365
00:14:33,286 --> 00:14:35,077
- I don't get it.
- Yikes.
366
00:14:35,257 --> 00:14:37,306
Yeah. It stings.
It stings a lot.
367
00:14:37,340 --> 00:14:39,308
Dalia is the most vapid,
shallow, black hole
368
00:14:39,342 --> 00:14:40,543
of a human being
I've ever met.
369
00:14:40,577 --> 00:14:42,845
Oh, o-okay.
Don't take it out on Dalia.
370
00:14:42,879 --> 00:14:45,114
H-have you ever considered that
maybe it's not so easy being
371
00:14:45,148 --> 00:14:46,348
the object of affection?
372
00:14:46,383 --> 00:14:47,516
- No.
- I'm just saying,
373
00:14:47,551 --> 00:14:50,553
sometimes it hard to be
aggressively adored
374
00:14:50,587 --> 00:14:52,905
by someone whose attention
you don't really want.
375
00:14:52,956 --> 00:14:56,425
Maybe, just maybe,
Dalia is the real victim here.
376
00:14:56,460 --> 00:14:57,626
Really? This is where
you want to take
377
00:14:57,661 --> 00:14:59,562
the conversation, George?
Sympathy for Dalia?
378
00:14:59,596 --> 00:15:01,464
You are a horrible dad.
379
00:15:02,411 --> 00:15:05,751
Now that's the kind of negative
attention I'm used to.
380
00:15:16,913 --> 00:15:18,214
(Sighs)
381
00:15:18,248 --> 00:15:21,450
(Lowered voice) What are you
dreaming about, Sheila?
382
00:15:22,531 --> 00:15:24,965
Are you dreaming about
gorgeous George Altman?
383
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:28,160
Is he the hot delivery boy
tonight,
384
00:15:28,194 --> 00:15:31,030
coming to your door
with a pile of fresh meat?
385
00:15:31,496 --> 00:15:35,065
No. No, no, no.
Stop dreaming about him.
386
00:15:35,359 --> 00:15:36,959
Dream about Fred,
387
00:15:37,463 --> 00:15:40,105
comfortable, steadfast Fred,
388
00:15:40,139 --> 00:15:42,507
always-there-for-you Fred,
389
00:15:42,575 --> 00:15:45,810
Fred
of the killer foot massage.
390
00:15:45,845 --> 00:15:48,346
(Sighs) Ohh.
I can't take it.
391
00:15:48,381 --> 00:15:49,447
I can't take it.
(Switch clicks)
392
00:15:49,481 --> 00:15:51,676
What? What is it?
Is it a night prowler?
393
00:15:51,723 --> 00:15:52,784
(Sighs) No.
394
00:15:53,216 --> 00:15:54,850
(Sighs)
Sheila, we need to talk.
395
00:15:54,885 --> 00:15:56,786
I-I read your diary.
396
00:15:56,820 --> 00:16:00,089
What? Fred, that's
a violation of my privacy.
397
00:16:00,123 --> 00:16:02,425
I know. I'm sorry.
398
00:16:02,459 --> 00:16:04,445
Believe me,
I wish I hadn't seen it,
399
00:16:04,518 --> 00:16:07,843
because now I know
how you feel about George,
400
00:16:07,883 --> 00:16:09,317
and I can't get it out
of my head.
401
00:16:09,351 --> 00:16:10,321
(Sighs)
402
00:16:11,820 --> 00:16:14,355
Well...
Maybe it's for the best.
403
00:16:14,389 --> 00:16:15,556
What?
404
00:16:15,574 --> 00:16:17,692
Having it out in the open,
I mean.
405
00:16:17,726 --> 00:16:19,627
It's a schoolgirl fantasy.
406
00:16:19,661 --> 00:16:21,329
But you're not a schoolgirl.
407
00:16:21,363 --> 00:16:23,164
(Sighs)
408
00:16:23,198 --> 00:16:25,266
I'm glad you know.
409
00:16:25,300 --> 00:16:26,901
I love you, Fred,
410
00:16:26,935 --> 00:16:28,235
and that is unchanged
by the fact
411
00:16:28,270 --> 00:16:31,672
that I lust endlessly
over George.
412
00:16:33,141 --> 00:16:34,859
(Sighs) Ohh.
413
00:16:34,910 --> 00:16:37,828
(Panting)
414
00:16:40,048 --> 00:16:43,201
(Lowered voice)
Grow, you bastard. Grow.
415
00:16:43,291 --> 00:16:45,021
(Inhales deeply and sighs)
416
00:16:45,373 --> 00:16:47,257
Whether or not
Dalia was actually good
417
00:16:47,292 --> 00:16:48,759
at poetry didn't matter.
418
00:16:48,793 --> 00:16:52,029
Ms. Evans thought she was,
and I had to find out why.
419
00:16:52,063 --> 00:16:53,497
How?
420
00:16:53,531 --> 00:16:54,998
It's easy.
421
00:16:55,033 --> 00:16:57,557
I just empty my head,
and words pop in it.
422
00:16:58,703 --> 00:17:01,405
Could you walk me through
that process step-by-step?
423
00:17:01,439 --> 00:17:04,341
You know, you suck
right now, even for you.
424
00:17:04,375 --> 00:17:05,442
Just tell me how to write
good poetry
425
00:17:05,476 --> 00:17:06,610
that Ms. Evans will like!
426
00:17:06,644 --> 00:17:08,829
Just stop trying so hard!
427
00:17:08,863 --> 00:17:09,813
(Brush clatters)
428
00:17:09,831 --> 00:17:10,981
You know,
you're totally fanning out
429
00:17:11,015 --> 00:17:13,517
over some gross teacher
with greasy hair.
430
00:17:13,551 --> 00:17:14,551
Ms. Evans is awesome.
431
00:17:14,586 --> 00:17:15,752
How would you know?
432
00:17:15,787 --> 00:17:18,355
All you know is
that she doesn't like you.
433
00:17:18,389 --> 00:17:19,890
She's your Scott Strauss.
434
00:17:19,924 --> 00:17:21,291
- What?
- Remember when he was dating
435
00:17:21,326 --> 00:17:23,611
- that really ugly girl...
- That was me.
436
00:17:23,635 --> 00:17:25,996
And the more he didn't jock me,
the more I jocked him?
437
00:17:26,490 --> 00:17:27,857
That's you,
438
00:17:27,892 --> 00:17:32,485
except with a sad, middle-aged,
weirdo poetry teacher with B.O.
439
00:17:32,602 --> 00:17:36,605
Did I just receive a lesson
in human nature
440
00:17:36,624 --> 00:17:39,326
from the least human person
I know?
441
00:17:39,360 --> 00:17:42,028
Yeah, you think
about that, beeyotch,
442
00:17:42,063 --> 00:17:43,997
because I see it
sinking in.
443
00:17:44,031 --> 00:17:45,482
(Doorbell rings)
444
00:17:45,533 --> 00:17:47,300
I want you to make love
to my wife.
445
00:17:47,335 --> 00:17:49,803
Fred, diggin' the goatee.
446
00:17:49,837 --> 00:17:51,187
(Sighs)
Come on in.
447
00:17:52,356 --> 00:17:53,657
I can't.
448
00:17:53,691 --> 00:17:57,027
I-I care about you
as a friend, but I can't.
449
00:17:57,061 --> 00:17:58,044
I won't.
450
00:17:58,078 --> 00:18:00,013
Okay, look, George, Noah,
451
00:18:00,047 --> 00:18:03,250
I've put a lot of thought
into this. A lot.
452
00:18:03,284 --> 00:18:04,784
I love my wife.
453
00:18:04,819 --> 00:18:06,920
She means the world to me,
454
00:18:06,954 --> 00:18:09,556
but she has needs
that I'm not fulfilling,
455
00:18:09,590 --> 00:18:11,625
and I want them to be fulfilled.
456
00:18:11,659 --> 00:18:12,626
Fred, please...
457
00:18:12,660 --> 00:18:14,229
Hear the man out.
(Chuckles)
458
00:18:14,284 --> 00:18:17,386
(Sighs)
I-I have pride, sure,
459
00:18:17,420 --> 00:18:19,689
but I can crumple
that pride up
460
00:18:19,723 --> 00:18:21,190
into a little ball
and eat it.
461
00:18:21,225 --> 00:18:23,459
For Sheila, I can eat it,
and I will.
462
00:18:23,494 --> 00:18:25,261
Fred, Sheila loves you.
463
00:18:25,295 --> 00:18:27,396
If there is
some fleeting infatuation
464
00:18:27,431 --> 00:18:30,766
that she has going on with me,
it's just that... fleeting.
465
00:18:30,801 --> 00:18:34,236
Are you saying no? I mean,
you won't satisfy my wife?
466
00:18:34,254 --> 00:18:37,256
What, is she not good enough
for you, Mr. Altman?
467
00:18:37,291 --> 00:18:38,257
'Cause let me tell you
something.
468
00:18:38,292 --> 00:18:39,942
She will do things to you...
469
00:18:39,977 --> 00:18:42,178
Things you can't
even imagine,
470
00:18:42,212 --> 00:18:43,846
things that aren't
even legal.
471
00:18:43,881 --> 00:18:44,981
I believe it.
472
00:18:45,015 --> 00:18:46,682
Okay, Fred,
go home to your wife.
473
00:18:46,717 --> 00:18:49,602
Go work this thing out,
the two of you.
474
00:18:50,854 --> 00:18:53,556
Well, this isn't very neighborly
of you, George.
475
00:18:53,590 --> 00:18:56,559
It's not very neighborly at all,
476
00:18:56,593 --> 00:18:58,928
so let's just see what happens
the next time
477
00:18:58,946 --> 00:19:01,781
you want to borrow my rake,
shall we?
478
00:19:04,964 --> 00:19:06,829
I have a rake.
479
00:19:14,023 --> 00:19:15,540
I'm gonna try
to transfer out.
480
00:19:15,574 --> 00:19:17,392
After failing gym,
I can't really afford
481
00:19:17,426 --> 00:19:19,160
a "C" in poetry.
(Spritzing)
482
00:19:19,195 --> 00:19:21,062
Wow. So you're off
Ms. Evans, huh?
483
00:19:21,096 --> 00:19:22,130
It's weird.
484
00:19:22,164 --> 00:19:23,698
I don't know what made me
so desperate
485
00:19:23,732 --> 00:19:26,117
for the approval
of a withholding older woman
486
00:19:26,151 --> 00:19:29,571
who clearly wanted nothing
to do with me.
487
00:19:29,605 --> 00:19:30,781
Yeah.
488
00:19:32,007 --> 00:19:33,975
Yeahno. Me either.
489
00:19:34,009 --> 00:19:35,977
Yeah.
490
00:19:36,809 --> 00:19:38,282
It's a puzzler.
491
00:19:38,365 --> 00:19:41,250
Yeah. No, it is.
It's curious.
492
00:19:41,284 --> 00:19:42,518
Mm-hmm.
493
00:19:42,536 --> 00:19:44,787
(Door creaks open)
494
00:19:44,821 --> 00:19:47,356
Fred, where have you been?
I have been worried sick.
495
00:19:47,390 --> 00:19:49,492
Sheila, I need to speak
to you privately.
496
00:19:49,526 --> 00:19:52,328
I failed you. George wouldn't
agree to make love to you.
497
00:19:52,362 --> 00:19:56,665
I asked him, but he denied me.
Hey, Tessa. Hello, Lisa.
498
00:19:56,700 --> 00:19:58,501
What in God's name
are you talking about?
499
00:19:58,535 --> 00:20:01,137
George Altman...
Your fantasy.
500
00:20:01,171 --> 00:20:03,372
I'm only sorry I couldn't
make him your reality.
501
00:20:03,406 --> 00:20:04,723
He won't have intercourse
with you,
502
00:20:04,758 --> 00:20:06,142
won't even consider it.
503
00:20:06,176 --> 00:20:08,394
Fred, I am not attracted
to George Altman.
504
00:20:08,428 --> 00:20:10,713
I couldn't be less attracted
to George Altman.
505
00:20:10,747 --> 00:20:12,748
He's... unkempt!
506
00:20:13,427 --> 00:20:16,152
The George from my diary
is George Stephanopoulos.
507
00:20:16,186 --> 00:20:18,687
The little Greek man
from "Good morning America"?
508
00:20:18,721 --> 00:20:21,497
I like a tidy, petite man.
You know that.
509
00:20:22,294 --> 00:20:24,493
(Sighs) You couldn't
have used a last name?
510
00:20:24,528 --> 00:20:25,961
I don't know how
to spell his name.
511
00:20:25,996 --> 00:20:28,931
It's not my fault.
It's a ridiculous last name!
512
00:20:28,965 --> 00:20:31,066
Oh, Sheila Shay-Shay.
513
00:20:31,101 --> 00:20:33,085
(Both laugh)
514
00:20:33,119 --> 00:20:34,253
(Door closes)
515
00:20:34,287 --> 00:20:36,038
(TV playing indistinctly)
516
00:20:36,072 --> 00:20:38,874
- Where's George? I've got news.
- He's about to do something drastic.
517
00:20:38,909 --> 00:20:41,656
I tried to talk him out of it,
but he wouldn't listen to me.
518
00:20:42,712 --> 00:20:45,614
(Buzzing)
519
00:20:45,649 --> 00:20:48,601
Just do it.
520
00:20:48,635 --> 00:20:49,752
Wait!
521
00:20:49,786 --> 00:20:50,853
Stop.
(Buzzing stops)
522
00:20:50,887 --> 00:20:53,255
Tessa, I love it, too,
but it's gotta go,
523
00:20:53,273 --> 00:20:54,890
for everyone's good.
524
00:20:54,925 --> 00:20:56,759
(Sighs) I think
it's just too sexy.
525
00:20:56,793 --> 00:20:58,594
Dad, Sheila's not obsessed
with you.
526
00:20:58,628 --> 00:21:01,197
She's obsessed with the George
from "Good morning America,"
527
00:21:01,231 --> 00:21:04,642
so you may not be the Casanova
of Chatswin after all.
528
00:21:05,577 --> 00:21:06,681
Oh.
529
00:21:08,772 --> 00:21:10,506
Hi. What's... what's this?
530
00:21:10,540 --> 00:21:13,709
It's a ball carrier
for you to carry your balls.
531
00:21:14,911 --> 00:21:15,944
"George-ass"?
532
00:21:15,962 --> 00:21:17,963
Oh, it's pronounced
"George-uhs."
533
00:21:17,998 --> 00:21:19,965
It's a combination
of both our names,
534
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,384
like Bennifer, Brangelina,
or Ceelo.
535
00:21:22,419 --> 00:21:24,048
I-I think
he's just one guy.
536
00:21:24,138 --> 00:21:25,839
He couldn't possibly be.
537
00:21:26,022 --> 00:21:28,924
Well... (Sighs) It's time
to make it official, George,
538
00:21:28,958 --> 00:21:30,960
since we're gonna be
partners and all.
539
00:21:30,994 --> 00:21:32,928
So are we?
540
00:21:33,098 --> 00:21:36,598
Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com
38641
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