All language subtitles for Suburgatory Season 1 EPS (12)

- Feel better?
- That feels better then better.

Feels like I can do this.

♪

(Tessa)
Friday night in Chatswin,

and a really dumb charity event
for a really dumb charity

meant instead of seeing
my new boyfriend,

Scott Strauss, I was forced
to watch parents dance

with their children
to "rock lobster."

I just don't think
it's normal

for parents to hang out
with their kids this much.

Well, my mom says that
she's my only true friend

and that I should tell her
everything.

And do you?

I do, and sometimes
she nods off, but...

Well, I'm a private person.

I don't like people
knowing my business.

(Glass clinks) (Amplified
voice) Ladies and gentlemen,

I've just been told
by the Davenports

that Amanda got
her first period today.

(Cheering)

(Fred, amplified voice)
Attagirl!

Just wanted to share
that news with you.

Amanda is menstruating.
Mazel tov, Mandi.

Mazel Tov.

There's a real sense
of community.

Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com

(Alih Jay) ♪ last night I had
a pleasant nightmare ♪

♪ da-da-da-da,
da, da, da, da ♪

♪ Rock lobster

♪ motion in the ocean

♪ ooh-ah

♪ his air hose broke
♪ ooh-ah

Wow. Looks like things
are really heating up

between the two of you.

According to Alan,
there's no such thing

as being openly gay
in Chatswin.

Anytime we go out together,

he's convinced
people are watching us.

People are watching you.
That's what people do here.

They watch each other.

♪ Rock, rock

♪

Why don't you guys do
something outside of Chatswin?

At least you have
the option.

That's... that's what I would do
if I were you.

(Clinks)

(Song ends)

Thank you, Chatswinians.

Living in a war-torn country

can put an enormous amount
of strain on the lumbar region.

Now with your help, the C.W.B.
can correct spinal alignment

regardless
of political aliment.

Take a look.

Boring! Raffle!

Can we get the raffle
going?

Okay. I know we're all anxious
to get to this,

so without further ado,
let's raffle off

the all-expense-paid trip
to Atlantic city!

Jersey, baby!

When I win,
you're coming with me.

We're finally gonna have
a proper guys' night out.

Oh, what are you...
what are you talking about?

We just saw "300" together.

"300" was like
a million years ago,

and it was a matinee.

And I treated you
to sno-caps.

Of which I had three. You were
saving the rest for Tessa.

- She likes sno-caps.
- So do I, George. All right?

All right, you're so busy
being father of the year,

you forget to be
friend of the Noah...

Of the year.

(Fred) Get your tickets ready,
everybody. Here we go.

(Microphone thuds)
(Amplified voice) Ahem.

4...

7...

3-teen.

I believe it's pronounced
"thirteen."

You know, I didn't criticize
your stupid speech.

(George) Hey!

Ha ha! Yeah! I got it!
(Crowd murmuring)

I won!
We have a winner.

(George laughs) Yeah.
(Scattered applause)

Great. Perfect. I'm sure you
and Tessa will have a blast.

Oh, come on.
Don't be a baby.

No, no. I'm sure
that she'll appreciate

the all-you-can-eat prime rib
and Don Rickles.

Noah, would you do me
the honor of accompanying me

to Atlantic city?

We can do our...
Our guys' night out.

All the sno-caps
you can eat.

(Thud)
Don't toy with me.

Nor me. Gentlemen,
did I hear something

about a guys' night out?
For I stand before you, a guy.

Piss off, Fred.

Oh, come on.
The room sleeps six.

If we're gonna do this,

- the more, the merrier, right?
- The more, the merrier?

Alex and I would love,
love, love the chance

to escape
our old balls and chains.

Sometimes you just need to get
down with your homeboys.

(Imitates B-real) Who you
trying to get crazy with, ese?

Don't you know I'm loco?

(Normal voice)
That's a Cypress Hill reference

for the uninitiated. (Chuckles)

Fred, don't you have to check
with Sheila first?

(Sighs) You may not
realize this, Noah,

but I have Sheila in check.
(Chuckles)

(Voice breaking)
It's bad, Sheila.

It's real bad.

It's... it's looking like
she might not make it.

Oh, poor aunt Elaine.
Bless her heart.

(Gasps) I know how dear
she is to you.

(Whispers)
Oh, she's very dear.

The most dear.

And if I don't rush
to her side,

she may not have a side
to rush to.

Oh, Fred.
Your favorite aunt.

Oh, come here.
Let me rock you.

Let me rock you.

Ohh.

Fred, did I just feel you
give the thumbs up?

Okay, this... this is not one

of those "risky business"
type situations

where you dance around
in your underwear,

and then you have
a few friends over,

and suddenly
you start a brothel

and wind up singing
on a float in a parade.

Dad, you're...
You're mixing teen movies.

This is more like an episode
of "Little house on the prairie"

where pa goes off
to the mercantile,

and I stay home
to loom you some pants.

Perfect. I'm a 32 long.

But seriously, no parties.

It's been said, and
you heard it okay.

Okay, you have
my cell phone number.

Uh, I left the number
of the hotel

in case anything goes wrong.
What if something goes wrong?

Dad.

This is Chatswin.

Nothing goes wrong
in Chatswin.

Isn't that the whole reason
people live here?

(Door opens)

But with any luck,

Scott and I
were going to go wrong

in every room of this house.

( Cypress Hill's
"Insane in the brain" playing)

♪ To the one
on the flamboyant temper ♪

♪ I just toss that ham
in the fing pan ♪

♪ like spam, it's done
when I come in, slam ♪

♪ damn, I feel like
the son of Sam ♪

(Record needle scratches,
music stops)

Oh.

(Laughs)
Hey, all right.

You guys, we are going to party
like it's our birthdays. Whoo!

(Clink) Add a raspberry, George.
You'll thank me.

Don't mind if I do. Thanks for
quilting me into this, man.

I don't do this kind
of thing enough.

- This is gonna be fun.
- Are you kidding me?

This is gonna be... (Mouth full) A
lot of fun, hmm? (Laughs) (Clink)

Fred?

Oh, uh, gambling is happening.

Gambling is happening
in this building.

I'm so close to the gambling.

- Wh-what's going on?
- Oh! Now I remember.

Fred has a really serious
gambling problem.

This is bad.
I'm sweaty and nervous

and a little bit horny.

All right, buddy.

- Hey, relax.
- Okay.

It's gonna be fine.
Have some champagne.

Okay.

- Thank you.
- Here you go.

(Chuckles) I'm trembling.

I'm gonna gamble
all my money.

You know, I'm gonna
gamble and tremble

until I lose all my money.
That's what... (Gulps)

Maybe I should take that,
actually.

Fred, you can have fun
without gambling.

Just don't gamble.
We won't let you gamble.

Okay. (Inhales deeply)

Uh... now, uh,

this pile is for black,
this pile is for red.

Can't lose that way. (Chuckles)
Now slots are for fools,

but I'll take a stab at 'em.

(Clinking)

Fred, let us help you...

Don't touch my money, bitch!

Okay. Remain calm.
Everything's gonna be all right.

Fred, take a deep breath.

Yeah.

(Inhales and exhales deeply)

Okay. Okay.

It's Fred. (Chuckles)

Fred's back. (Chuckles)
Sorry.

I went a little nuts there.
Thank you.

Why don't you, uh,
why don't you get freshened up?

- Splash some water on your face.
- Put on a different shirt.

- You look a little clammy.
- Change those short.

(whispers) Shorts. Okay.

(Normal voice) Thank you.

Thank you, you guys.

I really...

I just want you to know...

I feel incredibly close
to you all right now.

But I will slash your face...

In order to gamble.

(Chuckles)

(Door closes)

You can't seduce Scott in that.
It has too many buttons.

Don't wear anything
too complicated.

Yeah. If Scott and I
don't make it

past the hand-holding stage...

You will lose him.
Correct.

And that's why we're gonna be
doing a lot more tonight

than we're comfortable with.

"We"?

We're gonna give Scott
everything we have,

even the things
that hurt.

What is that?

It's my love box,

and I am lending it to you
for tonight.

Oh. (Chuckles) Okay.

(Blows raspberry)

Lisa, I think you have
the wrong idea about tonight.

I was planning on
keeping it syrup-free.

Just an old school
make-out sesh.

Tessa,
you sound like a fool.

Scott's an older guy
with older guy needs.

He's been to Africa.

Africa.

He's gonna wanna go tribal
on you.

Are you sure
that's not offensive?

(Bells dinging)

(Strained voice) Look how
she's looking at me, George.

Dirty girl.

Hey, have you eaten?
Can I buy you a burger?

Here.

(Sighs)

Haven't heard
from the little one, huh?

Yeah, she'll check in with me.
I'm not gonna hound her.

She's probably
high as a kite right now

and making love
to a trinidadian man.

It's not gonna work, Fred.
You're not gonna scare me off.

Why would I scare you off?
There's nothing to be scared of.

Tessa's perfectly trustworthy.

(Coins clinking)

I'm sure you were, too,
at that age.

(Bell ringing,
indistinct conversations)

You think it'd be weird
if I had Dallas stop in,

check in on her?

No, not at all.

Whew! Nice workout there,
Sheila.

Between
your unstoppable backhand

and my diligence
at the net,

we are gonna dominate
the mid-morning winter league.

(Cell phone rings)
Oh. Hey, George!

Hey. You got a second?

Yeah. What's crack-a-lackin'?

Oh, nothin'. Uh, it's just
that Tessa is home alone

for the weekend,
and I'm... a little nervous

she might cave
and throw a party or something.

Oh, my gosh.

I hope she invites me
if she does.

No, no, we don't wan
an unchaperoned party.

It's not that
I don't trust her. I do.

I just... well, I-I-I'd like you
to check on her for me.

Well, it doesn't sound
like you trust her.

Who is that? Is that Fred?

W-well, I'll trust her
a lot more

once I know for sure
nothing's going on.

Listen, George, I consider Tessa
to be one of my best friends,

and you are putting me
in a difficult spot.

- Come on, Dallas.
- Well...

Steven is in Singapore
this weekend,

and Dalia's at braid camp,
so I guess I could.

But I'm not gonna check in
as some busybody neighbor.

I'll just see if she wants
to hang... as a friend.

Thank you.

What is it?

I thought for sure
that was Fred.

I sensed Fred on that call.

What are you talking about?

We have
a psychic connection.

If Fred even eats something
that doesn't agree with him,

I can sense it.

(Gags)

I think he just ate something
that didn't agree with h. Ugh.

Oochies. This just in...
thousand island bites back.

(Chuckles)

Hey, is that Steven Royce?
What a coincidence.

(George) I thought
he was in Singapore.

Do me a favor.
Don't call him over here.

Steve-O!

Finally, some time alone
with Scott.

Now if I could just get him
to focus on me instead of...

And that's basically
how you make

a traditional
Zambian eating mat,

or Mphasa.

But bigger and less plastic.

Scott, I'm sure you get this
a lot, but you're fascinating.

I would love to travel
like you did.

Well, it'll change you,
from the inside out.

But be prepared. Africa's also
filled with poverty and disease.

You have...
really brown eyes.

Thanks.

I met a man in Africa
who didn't even have eyes.

(Sighs) Scott...

I know
you're really political

and you have all
this global awareness.

I think that's great, but...

Don't you wanna...
get tribal on me?

That's offensive.

I think.

(Doorbell rings)

Hey. (Chuckles)
George, what are you, uh,

what are you doing in the A.C.?

Yeah, Steven, what a surprise.
I heard you were in Singapore.

- Who said that?
- Dallas.

Well, you sure like talking
to my wife a lot.

And who could blame you?
She's a very beautiful woman.

- Yeah, so is she.
- Huh?

I don't like to eat alone,
you know?

It, uh, makes me depressed,
and it lowers my metabolism.

And by any chance
you do talk to my wife again,

I was in Singapore.

I have very important business
in Singapore.

They want me to move there.

Really? Wow.
That sounds great.

You think? Even though
I'd have to leave

Dallas and Dalia behind
for a better part of a year?

Well, that's what Skype's for,
right?

- That is what Skype is for.
- You know what, George?

Damn it.
You're a smart guy.

- I think I might have underestimated you.
- Yeah, well...

And plus you'll be there in case
anything goes wrong, right? Huh?

It's Chatswin.
Nothing goes wrong in Chatswin.

Isn't that the whole reason
people live there?

(Bell ringing)

- Holy crap. You'll have to excuse me.
- What's wrong?

I just realized my daughter
was a bit too anxious

to get rid of me this morning.

Where's... where's Fred?

Fred? Oh, he crawled out,
like, ten minutes ago.

Ugh!

Dallas, what are you
doing here?

Well, I'm on the dolo tonight,
and since you are, too,

I thought we could chillax
or... get jiggy. Your choice.

Oh.

Oh, I see what this is.

George sent you here
to spy on me.

(Laughs) What?

I don't know.
I am on the dolo.

You can't hide behind
urban street slang, Dallas.

I see right through you.

And this is
an invasion of my privacy.

You can tell that
to George.

(Whispers) He's a Fox.

Don't tell that to George.

So everything seemed quiet there?
Real cozy.

C-cozy? What...
What... what's that mean... cozy?

Well, comfy-cozy.
No one was drunk,

not too krunk. The joint
was on point, pretty much.

What are you talking about?

Stop confusing me
with street slang.

Oh, George, you have
nothing to worry about.

Tessa's a great girl,

and that boy she had over
was super nice.

Fully clothed.

She... she had a-a boy... over?

Well, I don't know
if he was a boy.

He had a kind of
a young, white Wesley Snipes

kind of thing goin'.

(Line disconnects, dial tone)
George?

So she's got a guy over.

What is the matter?
We're guys.

I want to trust her,
but I don't.

George, as the father
of twins,

I can tell you, they're going to
do exactly what they wanna do.

Times like these,
I'm thankful my wife's barren.

(Panting)

(Noah) Fred!

- Where the hell have you been?
- I did a bad thing.

(George)
Where are your pants?

I bet them!

What are you gonna do?

You're gonna burst in
on your 16-year-old daughter

and tell her that you
don't trust her to be alone

- for 24 hours? Don't be that guy.
- I'm sorry, Noah.

I'm not proud of it,
but I am that guy.

Shh! I bet everything on a dog
named "lose all your money."

I mean, I figured a name like
that's gotta be ironic, right?

(Man on TV) He gets right across the rail.
(Knock on door)

Who's that?

Tom-Tom called some freaks.

Who's ready to party?

- I am! Whoo-hoo!
- Really?

Yeah! (Laughs)

I have something
that I want you to dock

in my docking station.

Yeah. I'll dock it,
all right.

I'll dock it all night.

Just stick it in gently

'cause the bottom's
a little cracked.

Ooh.

Come on! Okay, okay, come on.

♪

Come on, "lose all your money"!

Not literally.
You know what I mean.

Come on!

Ohh, no, no! (Cries)

Virtually from start
to finish at...

All right, Fred. How much?

Uh... 14. $14,000.

You lost $14, 000?

No, I won $14,000,
and Sheila is gonna sense it.

Windfall!

What?

Scott.

Right now this is the only place
in all of Chatswin

where we can actually
be alone.

Look, Tessa, I like you.
I do.

And pre-Africa, I would have
expressed that to you

in a very physical way,

but post-Africa,
I need to take things slow.

Why?

(Sighs) I saw things, Tessa...

Things I wasn't ready to see.

(Whispers) Vaginal birth.

And there they were...

The two words that can put
an end to any romantic evening.

(Kisses)

So much for alone time
with Scott.

Tonight was now about...
(Exhales deeply) being alone.

Come on, man!

Let's go, buddy.
Open the door.

Go away! Leave me alone!

Sheila is going to kill me!

It's gonna be worse
than the time

she caught me watching
"Wild things" on cable.

(Noah) Okay, maybe she's gonna
be happy with the extra cash

and will forgive you.

Have you met my wife?!

She is the least forgiving woman
in the world,

and I will never find anyone
as wonderful.

Hey, she never even
has to know.

You can donate all the money
to charity.

(Panting) I'm ending it!

I'm ending it all!

Uhh!

- I'm calling the hotel manager.
- Yeah.

(Grunts)

I got this. Relax.

(Chuckles) Hey. Fred, buddy.
Steven Royce.

Is there any mirrors
in there?

Yeah, there's one over the sink,

and there's another one
on the back of the door.

Okay. Do me a favor.

Take a good, hard look
at yourself

in one of those mirrors, okay?

Oh, there's also a small
one in the shower...

One of those
non-fogging shave on.

Just any mirror. Doesn't matter
what kind of mirror.

Just pick a mirror, okay?

Okay.

(Grunts)

(Sighs)

Okay. I'm looking.

You're in a spiral, Fred.
You're in a downward spiral.

Okay? This is
an ugly side of you,

but you don't have
to be ugly. You don't.

You could take stock.
Make yourself better.

(Exhales deeply)
Yeah.

Okay? This is
an opportunity for you

to make yourself better,

to change and become
better than what you were.

Not you two. You guys stay
exactly the same, okay?

I'm gonna go see my mother.

I'm gonna go confront
my stepfather.

No.

(Door opens)

So sorry, man.

I know... I know this wasn't
exactly what you had in mind.

Are you kidding me, ese?
Fred actually did go loco.

And I docked something in
a stripper's docking station.

Yeah.
A-a broken mp3 player.

Still.
It's pretty awesome.

(Chuckles)

In fact, I'm beat.
I'm gonna go get some rest.

All right, man. I'm gonna...
wait a few more hours

till the sun comes up
before I hit the road,

even if it kills me.

I don't want Tessa to think
I don't trust her.

She's a good kid.
You can trust her.

I trust her.
Of course, I'm less invested.

(Chuckles)

Good night.

Good night.

(Door closes)

Dad!

"Dad," huh? No "George"?

Are you alone?

Yes, of course I'm alone.
I was worried about you.

I even slept on the couch.
I'm so glad you're home.

I should go away more often.

(Chuckles) That was a test.
You passed.

You passed, sending your
little spy over here.

Yeah,
I knew you had a boy here.

And you still didn't
come home.

You trusted me.

Of course I trusted you.
Can I trust you?

Yes. What?
You can trust me.

I'm practically an adult.

An adult. Really?

So I guess you don't want
the salt water Taffy

I brought home for you,
then.

Don't be stupid, George.

Give me the Taffy.

Give me the blue one.

I like pink anyway.
(Wrappers rustle)

(Door closes quietly)

Fred.

Ohh! (Exhales deeply)

Good Lord, Sheila.
You, uh, you startled me.

It's natural to be
a little on edge

after what just happened.

I, uh,
I know you already know,

but I-I planned on
telling you everything.

You don't have to relive it,
Fred.

It must ha been
painful enough

just having been there
when Elaine... passed.

Wh-when she what now?

When your aunt Elaine died.

I tried calling her,
but the phone

just rang and rang and...

(Voice breaks)
That's when I knew.

I knew you knew.

And so you must also know
about the money.

Is that the windfall?

The inheritanc yes.

She left us $14,000.

Minus a few incidentals.

(Gasps)

I'm buying a new hose.
(Laughs)

Oh.

Oh.

(Tessa) I'm making grilled
egg and cheese! Want one?

Yes, I want one!

♪

(Music stops)

(Under breath)
You gotta be kidding.

Sync and corrected by dr.jackson
for www.addic7ed.com