All language subtitles for Minutemen

How's my hair?

Good? Fine.

Solid.

Scores!

First day of high school, Virg. We
finally made the big time.

Football games, free periods, the
chicks.

Jack, you got a little battle game.

Huh? Spooky fever.

And that was just a test.

Had it been an actual emergency,
however... Hey, hey, hi.

Their first high school fight.

My boy's grown up so fast. Where does
the time go?

Who cares about our past, guys? All I'm
thinking about is my social future.

Well, I don't want anything to change.

Got my two best guys right here, right
now. I'm your favorite, though, right?

It's okay, you can admit it. He's man
enough to take it.

Still can't believe you talked me into
trying out for cheerleading.

You'll be fine.

It's him I'm worried about. He's all in
full freak mode about football tryouts.

Don't worry, though, bro. I'll be there
for moral support.

You mean to just rap?

Exactly. Virgil, this is serious. You
better not embarrass me.

B -Rock, I never try to embarrass you.

It just works out that way.

Be the ball.

Be the ball.

My grandpa taught me that.

I'll see you guys later.

Okay, that's enough for today.

Wait, coach, I can do this. Bro, maybe
you ought to rest your arm.

Virgil Fox.

Nice to meet you.

So, what's the story with that rocket
cart thing? I always get a hard time on

the bus.

And I hypothesized that a rocket
-portioned all -terrain car would help

embarrassment. Uh -huh.

Yeah. And how's that working out for
you?

Working great.

My emotion modulator actually allows me
to understand what Albert Feline Stein

is trying to communicate with his
various meows. Isn't that amazing?

Virgil? Uh, Virgil. Hey, Earth to
Virgil.

Virg! Don't you think, Virgil?

Virgil, aren't you excited?

Yes. Charlie, I'm thrilled that you
talked to your cat.

Um, I'm not entirely certain, but I
believe you may...

Charlie,

what do you want from me? I mean, your
inventions always work. I can only act

surprised every time you figure out how
to power your house with tartar sauce.

It's cocktail sauce.

You know what would really make me
happy?

Is if you build something useful. By
useful, I mean something that would make

rich and hot. Or both.

Both. Hey, hey, you can't ride that
thing on the... Hey, great bike.

Lots of shiny chrome...

No offense, guys. I do enjoy the
stimulating conversation.

Hey, I'm taken.

Seriously, how did it come to this?

Let's see.

Maybe your plight has something to do
with being stripped, dressed in

miniskirts, and hung from a school
mascot?

And had a picture of me at the cover of
the yearbook. Three years in a row. And

was on all the local news stations.

And the Spanish channel.

Yes. The incident I will one day be
explaining to a very expensive...

Charlie speak for hello.

Hi. Excuse me, miss.

Why do you call him hummingbird?

Oh, I love birds.

All kinds of birds. You know, big birds,
little birds. Oh, I'm even the official

secretary for the local chapter of the
Junior Bird Buddies of America.

Such an honor.

Anyways, gotta run.

Oh,

well, that explains it.

Jeanette has been sweating you for two
years.

What is your deal?

Forget it.

Pardon me, gents.

Ah, soda.

I hear if you leave a penny in this
stuff for a week, it comes out, like,

I was actually planning on drinking it.

Well, I'd remind that.

So, um, how are you, Birch? I mean, I
didn't really see you much this morning.

was doing, you know, a lot of mountain
climbing, jet skiing.

Video games?

I didn't leave the couch.

You?

Ugh, the usual.

Pool parties, cheerleading camp. But,
um...

to take this awesome architecture class.

Oh, that's cool.

I remember you made a gingerbread house,
and it had, like, ten rooms.

And walk -in closets. It took us six
months to eat it.

Oh, well, I have calculus.

Hate it, need it.

Can't be an architect without it. Yeah,
you got public speaking.

Hate it, need it. Can't be a game show
host without it.

There's a good reason Tesla's biographer
named his book A Man Out of Time. Tesla

was so far advanced over his
contemporaries that they often deride...

often deride at him as... Jocelyn, would
it be too much to ask that you not

do your nails while I lecture?

Sorry.

When are you done?

Excuse me. Ah, Mr. Tuttle.

I believe you are here for your booster
chair.

I'll get it later.

It's an AV club emergency. I need Virgil
Fox right away.

Virgil Fox?

No, he's not sick today. I hear he might
not make it. Very funny, Mr. Fox. You

can pick up your hall pass on your way
out.

I'm moving to Peregrine.

Have you ever really looked at our
school mascot?

Forget the stupid hall pass.

Remember that rock -bullshit alter
-encarta I had back on the day of the

incident?

Thanks for mentioning that again. You
know, it's been almost ten minutes since

someone brought it up.

Listen, it ties together.

That invention may not have been a
success, but one element of the design

proven viable.

The quantum accelerator.

You remember when I was on that physics,
new reality, many world theory kick?

Oh, yeah.

That was fun.

Well, I started building my own theory
based on all that work, incorporating my

proven hypothesis of quantum
acceleration.

Then, I put one of the school's
computers on permanent reserve.

The DSL's been doing all the work.

And moments ago, I uploaded the last
piece of the puzzle.

Commander Taro, on the bridge.

Dude, no way I'm saluting you.

something useful.

Well, time travel is useful.

Charlie, you're 14 years old.

You're two years away from your driver's
license.

You still call your underwear
underpants.

Yet I'm supposed to believe you can
build a time machine?

Yes. And based on my specifications, a
person can travel up to 48 hours into

past. That's weak.

Pardon me.

How is your time travel formula coming
along?

Tell about light, right? Nothing moves
faster.

Well, my hypothesis suggests that you
can time travel on a beam of light from

any light source.

Even light from a slide projector.

A slide projector?

Like your regular slide projector?

Did I say regular?

No, I didn't.

What we're talking about is a complex
amalgamation of electronic components

good old -fashioned internal combustion
mechanics. Which you know nothing about,

by the way.

We'll have to find a hardware guy.

I don't see this as a problem.

Be tickety, but shaken.

You'll have to excuse Charlie. He's
nervous around girls.

No, I'm not. Oh, it's cool. I like shy
boys.

Uh, what's in the bowl?

Meringue.

The assignments.

Here, take mine. I'll make a new one.

Did you see that?

What? She gave you meringue.

That's huge.

Or are you going to sit on the sidelines
and be a passive observer?

Okay, look, I'll make you a deal.

I'll help you with your time machine.
I'll even help you find a hardware guy.

But when we try it out for the first
time, we're going to use it for whatever

want to do.

All right.

Right.

But Virgil, this hardware person we
need, it's tricky.

Why?

Because he not only needs to be gifted
mechanically, but also, let's say,

require a certain moral flexibility.

You know, lives on the fringes of
society.

Okay. Well, what about him?

Zeke? Are you serious?

Look at him. He's... He's... Perfect.

You know those monster truck shows where
they have the big metal dinosaurs that

breed fire and destroy cars?

I've seen the commercials. Yeah. Who
does that build those?

Kill him!

It's freaking me out.

No, it's not my cat.

It's his.

His name is Albert Feline Stein.

It's the dumbest name for a cat I've
ever heard.

Couldn't agree more. Zeke.

Zeekster.

Yeah, I hate when people bend names to,
like, Virgil Austin. I'm like, come on,

people. It's Virgil.

I'm going to stop talking now.

Amy, no, no, no, no, no, no. This is a
private meeting.

Sorry, I just came down to watch TV.

But Mom did mention you had a new friend
over, a boy.

Ew, he's gross!

Geez, Virgil, why can't you bring home
cute boys? Amy, leave now or I'm telling

Mommy to do makeovers on the hamsters
again. Chill, I'm out of here. It's like

walked into an ugly contest.

She's a charmer.

Yeah. Okay, this thing...

Right, this quantum integration to the
physical properties of light projection.

Looks like it could work.

Yeah, Mongo Reed.

Okay, so your help is constructed.

Why not?

I'm always up for a challenge.

Free bean dip.

Um, have a little.

No, just...

Some beans.

Do that again, and I weld you to the
Crosstown bus.

Have you guys thought how we're going to
use this thing?

The first journey back to a time will
obviously be a monumental event.

Our specific goal on that journey should
be appropriately grandiose.

I've got it.

Two words, gentlemen.

The lottery.

Nice. Absolutely non -Virgil. I refuse
to agree to that. But you already did.

You said that if I helped you build the
time machine, we'd use it for whatever I

want to do.

No do -overs.

You want a time traveler, don't you?

Fine. Hey, you know, you're not going to
be able to just plug this thing into a

wall outlet. This is going to take some
major amperage.

Not to mention privacy in a lot of
space.

I know the place.

It's perfect.

It's completely perfect.

Come on.

Come on.

Vice Principal Tolkien.

We want to talk to you about starting a
new club. Who can do? We are completely

maxed out on classroom space.

The future fonduers of America were the
last ones in. Is that Chester and the

vending machine?

Hey, fellas.

Do any of you have four quarters?

This thing's not taking my dollar.

Aren't you going to do something? Like
what?

Change the way high school works?

No, gentlemen.

Everything in this world has an order.

There are those who stuff others into
vending machines and those who get

into vending machines.

It's just the way the system works.

It's actually in the vice principal's
handbook.

Anyway, about our club, we were... Room
77. We want room 77.

Impossible. It's never going to happen.

Like this.

Perhaps we can convince you to
reconsider.

Done.

All right, scooch over to your left. I'm
going after the pretzel nubs.

and he was knocked down to make space
for the football field, which we're

underneath now.

Room 77 was actually built into the
school's fallout shelter back in the

I think it's right through here.

No one call extreme classroom makeover.

This is a disaster!

Got great bones, though.

Your image overwhelms my brain, and it
feels good, good, good.

Now I'm rolling my windows down.

I love the wind, but I hate the sound.

You're like a...

Be the world's first time traveler.

I just ate a meatball sandwich.

My good cramps. Yeah, and, um...

Guys, take a look at the watch.

843!

844!

Your cat is the first time traveler in
history.

reading from the Somerton sensor. It's
pretty much off the charts, but I got

nothing around it.

Hmm. You think we got anything on that
upstairs?

They would have called us already.

Probably just another computer glitch.

You know they give us basement dwellers
the lame old equipment.

Plus all the good snacks are upstairs.

I mean, seriously.

Try one of these. They're stale.

Come on, Steph.

I mean, what do I have to do to make you
believe me? She's just teaching me

French. Hmm, so Jocelyn Lee is tutoring
you in French, and that's all?

Un petit amour, c 'est pas du fromage.

Well, see, that's why I need her help. I
have no idea what you just said. I said

my boyfriend is a lying cheese brain.

Come on, Steph.

I mean, Jocelyn's hot, but she's a total
bottom -seater.

I would never go there.

I know.

I'll call you later, okay?

Hey, Steph, I didn't see you there. Oh,
hey.

Are you studying? Yeah, I was actually
looking for a pencil sharpener. Oh, I

have one.

Do you have a pencil?

Single verge, never changes.

You haven't changed much either.

Does your hair still frizz up when you
run through the sprinklers? Oh, totally.

This morning before school, I set up the
wiggly worm in the salon. I love the

wiggly worm.

Remember that time I almost drowned?

Because Derek shoved the nozzle up your
neck? Yeah, as he tried to run away, and

he cracked his head on the cell phone
pole.

Tres amigos.

Yeah.

You know, Derek really did try to stop
those football players, but you know how

seniors are.

Anyway, I know he feels really bad about
what happened that day.

You know, they say that people who don't
let go of the past die faster and get

more acne.

I'm sweating like five hogs.

Because it's bearing irregularities in
temperature, I thought we should be

prepared. Okay, got the winning lottery
numbers right here. Okay, in order to

guarantee that the vortex maintains
stability long enough for us to return

safely, we're only going to have ten
minutes on the other side.

Otherwise, we run the risk of exploding.

That's funny, I thought you said
exploding.

I did.

Activating grid.

Um, what's with the grappling hook?

You making fun of the hook?

What? No.

No, no, no. Of the hook.

Next stop, funky town.

Yeah.

We got to work on our landings.

It's 127 yesterday.

We did it. Oh, yes, we did it. We're
time travelers.

We're time travelers.

We're time travelers.

We're time travelers. We're time
travelers.

Is he okay?

He really loves science.

One lottery ticket, please.

These are the numbers.

Feeling lucky.

Uh -huh.

Are you feeling like you have ID?

You need to be 18 to buy a lottery
ticket.

Hi. We need to ask you a favor.

I want the tip. Oh.

Yes, okay.

Okay. We need you to buy us a lottery
ticket with these numbers.

What do you say?

That's all I got.

Okay.

You guys, you guys, we have two minutes
to get back to school.

New plan.

We'll meet you here tomorrow at 12.

Hang on to the ticket till then.

Okay?

Okay.

That's the second fluctuation of the
exact same magnitude in the exact same

location.

I'm telling you, it's a technical
glitch.

What else could it be?

You think they all of a sudden started
drilling for oil in Somerton?

Now let's just get back to work, all
right?

Can you help me unknot this?

lottery announced last night has turned
out to be none other than Robot Man.

Told you.

Okay, so tomorrow we go back in time and
get a new lottery ticket. But this

time, we'll be sure... No, Virgil. It's
wrong.

It's cheating.

Right. It is cheating.

Okay, new plan. We go on TV with the
machine, do an infomercial, sell like 8

,000 of them, and instantly become rich
and humongously popular.

And they say you can't buy happiness.

Listen to me. If anyone finds out about
this time machine, it'll give the end of

me, you, and Zeke.

The end!

Can you back up? I have personal space
issues.

used for the machine.

What's more important than being rich
and popular?

I'm kidding.

I'm kidding.

Mostly.

Hey,

Chester.

Looking for these?

new look, Chester, let me be the first
to say it's not working.

Those kids stole my clothes.

Can you help me get them back?

I'd like to. Really, I would, but that
would mean altering the delicate social

system here at the school. So, good
luck.

Virgil, I just had a brilliant idea.

You need to use the time machine.

Exactly.

Again, Scorch, did you even read the
instructions I emailed you?

I'm sorry.

Okay, so let me get this straight.
You're saying we've become like silent

to the uncool?

Look around.

We live in a world where mere minutes
can make or break a person's entire

future. Take what happened to me
freshman year. Had I known that sticking

Charlie would have ruined my life, I
never would have done it.

Tell us how you really feel. Think about
all the kids at this school.

Like Chester.

Like us.

We all live in constant fear of
humiliation because we happen to be

less coordinated, whatever.

We can change that.

The Minutemen must use their powers for
truth and justice.

And then we focus on getting rich.

Again, I'm kidding.

Who are the Minutemen?

We. Us.

The all -important minutes in time.

Clever, right?

Sort of.

Not really.

Forget it.

None of these remote control hookups are
going to work.

This is no good.

We have to be able to make a judgment so
we're back in time.

Well, I guess one of us is just going to
have to hang back.

Not it! Not it! Not it!

Okay. Redo.

Not it! Not it! Not it!

Double dang it!

Not it!

That was fun.

Not it!

Uh, Jeanette, what are you doing here? I
was just looking for a club to join,

and I saw yours on Vice Principal's
List. The Back to the Future fan club.

right. I love that movie.

Even though I never really saw it.

But I totally love the whole idea of
time travel. I mean, it's just so

fiction -y.

Julie, Jeanette, your timing is
interesting.

What is it, Virgil? What are you doing?

Uh, excuse us.

No,

no, no, no, no, no, no.

what you do, right?

Sure thing, Puffin.

Um, but first... We so have to do
something

about those outfits.

There you go.

That's better.

Where did you get these? My dad just
bought Ski World.

How lucky is that? I mean, had he still
owned the shrimp and waffle hut, that

would be, like, no help at all.

the form -fitting that would highlight
these massive guns.

Bro, you're built like a chihuahua. You
look like a yeti in that thing. You

probably think I don't know what a yeti
is. Do you?

Virgil, grow up. Me grow up? Why don't
you grow up? Hey, don't yell at Charlie.

I'm not yelling. Stop yelling. I never
yell at people.

I never thought time travel would
involve so much bickering.

right there, friend.

Uh, if you guys are going to pick on me,
you'll have to take a number.

Don't be afraid. We're here to help.

Oh, what's going on, fellas?

Oh, you can keep those.

I got myself some new threads.

Who are those snowsuit guys?

After 20 years of service, the board
gives you either a gold watch or one of

these. My sweet little cat.

Don't touch it. It's going in my office
in a bulletproof glass case.

Delegate.

Well, we won all right.

We won big.

Nurse Ratchet and Coach Bob have seen it
before, and they assure me that it is

not contagious.

One more thing before we wrap up this
morning's announcements. Recently, a

of students dressed in snowsuits
disrupted a gym class.

More importantly, they destroyed my
precious diorama.

Whoever you students are, let me make it
perfectly clear that once you are

identified, you will be severely
punished.

I'm the run from Johnny Law.

Naughty Ned.

That's what my mom calls me when I
forget to floss.

Perfect.

Except I think that's a dangling
participle.

I hate it when those things dangle.

Pick it up in five minutes.

Okay?

I'm totally tired and need to sit down.

You think maybe you could just bring the
food to our table? You know, bend the

rules just a little bit.

Eugene, Vaughn, Hoserberg.

Uh, you bet.

So, do you think he got it?

Yeah.

Go!

You bet.

Deja vu.

You can stop, C -Club. Or should I say,
Snowsuit Guy.

We'll see you next time.

Stop talking about Eugene.

Oh, hey Virgil.

Yeah, it's nobody you know. I'm just
talking about the snowsuit guys.

Oh, yeah, I heard about them.

They're supposed to be total heroes.

Oh, and I hear the medium height guys
are extremely hilarious and

handsome.

And they're called the Minutemen. Not
the snowsuit guys.

I noticed Eugene's cop's attitude.

Check out Chester.

Am I a trendsetter?

You tell me, amigo.

I mean, who else are these kids supposed
to look up to to set trends?

Those doorknobs?

Virgil, Virgil, Virgil.

I almost called you last night, but I
wanted to tell you in person.

What's going on? I got accepted into UC
Belmont.

Get out.

But it's not a done deal yet. I applied
for a cheerleading scholarship in their

center. a scout over this week, which
means I have to work extra hard on my

pyramid dismount. So cool. I'm so
psyched for you. You love that school. I

Oh, Derek.

I gotta go tell him about the
scholarship.

So, I'll see you later, Birch.

Charlie?

What's wrong?

Okay, well, there's something I haven't
told you about the time travel formula.

Remember, there was one last piece of
the equation that evaded my mind for

several years until I finally found what
I was looking for through an extensive

run -of -the -clock internet downloading
procedure.

You was hacked?

It gets worse.

I stole it from NASA.

You robbed NASA?

It's not as bad as it sounds.

Yes, it is. It's worse than it sounds.
The files are from the 1960s. They were

defunct. No one has touched them for
decades. That's bad.

Oh, just so you guys know, if we do go
to prison and we share the same cell, I

snore like a chainsaw. That's great.
This won't be a problem, okay? As long

we just don't use the machine for a
while and lay low.

Drop the grape.

But forget it.

I mean, we all said that we were being
watched, right?

The heat is on. Look, Charlie, if we
don't help Stephanie, she can lose out

her scholarship.

We have to go back.

He just wants you because you have a big
creepy crush on her.

Creepy crush? I vote yes. Charlie, you
said it yourself.

The files you hacked into were defunct.
I bet nobody even knows they're missing.

Nina, I remind you, we are the
Minutemen, not the Weenie Men.

At the same time, both sides.

Deke, what do you think?

Friends keep harassing us. Shut up,
dirtball.

All right, everybody just settle down.

Chester, last I remember, you were at
the bottom of the food chain.

And I will not tolerate students
leapfrogging to a higher social status.

come with me.

Tramp toy?

Thanks. Sure.

Can I have one?

Robot Man Sue's old lady?

Virgil, this is bad.

We're changing the outcome of things we
never planned on.

Our jumps are causing a chain reaction.

How so?

Trust you're getting in trouble.

That's never happened before.

Robot men suing old ladies.

Yes. Oh, that's the world gone mad.

Mad, I tell you.

Global warming.

He's really freaked out.

Hey. You, uh, need a hand?

Uh, Steph.

Um, not really.

What do you mean? I figured it's the
least I could do, you know, to thank

Well, for what?

For saving me, snowsuit guy.

What? No.

Don't even try it, Virg. Get out.

Wait. You, Charlie, and Zeke Thompson
are the snowsuit guys.

Stephanie. Oh, I knew it. Oh, that is so
cool. See, I figured it out because I

started thinking about it. All those
kids that you helped, it was always

before something bad is about to happen,
just like with me. Steph, that is

ridiculous. How in the world are we
going to know when something bad is

happen? That's exactly what I asked
myself.

And I thought about it, and I thought
about it, and I figured it out.

No, you didn't.

Yes, I did. No, you couldn't have. Oh, I
admit it, Virgil.

You, Charlie, and Steve.

Hard time travelers.

What? Who said time travelers? No, no,
no, no, no, no. We are psychic. We're

psychic. No, I heard you.

You're right. No, no, no, no, no.

My gosh, that is so cool. How do you do
it? Huh? Huh? Huh?

to a four -point lead as we come up on
fourth and goal for Somerton.

Football.

Remind me why we're here again?

Some poor kid always embarrasses himself
with one of these things. Just keep

your eyes open.

You know, I'm actually very bright. Even
though a lot of people see me as Buddy.

Buddy? I'll cross between Spunky and
Nutty.

Great.

It's all in your hands, but no pressure,
all right?

Forget that there's six... seconds left
on the clock. Forget that you could put

Somerton High on the map.

Forget that my little boy's up there in
that stance looking down at his father

trying to fulfill a lifelong dream of
winning a state championship.

Forget all that.

What I want is you to be the ball.

Be the ball.

Be the ball. Go get him.

Time travel?

That's a whack down, man.

One, two, three, four.

Your team thinks you'll never score.

Amy. Five, six, seven, eight. You can't
touch this. I'm too great. Amy, that's

it. Upstairs. No one. Stephanie, I
didn't even see you. It's so weird that

you're here.

And, oh, my gosh, Derek Bogard.

You're like the best football player
ever.

Except for that blown play yesterday.

Amy, go watch cartoons.

No.

I'm so...

I'm so sorry.

I'm trying to talk my folks into caging
her whenever there's company.

She's so cute.

Oh, so, um, about the game yesterday,
Birch, that was a really big deal for

Derek, and he kind of feels like he let
everybody in school down.

I know I would have won that game. But
then Chester, she's crossed the field

distracted him.

I don't know what's gotten into all the
dorks lately. It's like they just don't

know their place anymore.

So, you guys want the Minutemen?

to stop Chester from interfering with
the game.

Uh, no, we want you guys to do it.

You're the Minutemen?

That's us.

Never mind.

So, uh, I don't know.

Charlie's gonna be a tough sell.

Come on, Verge.

I mean, I know we never really talked
about what went down that day freshman

year, but the thing is, I tried to stop
him. It was a raw deal, man.

I just wish you and I could get back to
how we used to be. Always chilling.

What do you say, man?

Scorch!

I can't believe you want to help Derek
after what he did to you.

Charlie, it did not happen the way we
think it did.

Besides, it's time to move on. I've been
running some tests, and I think we

might be damaging the space -time
continuum with all our time traveling.

that could cause serious consequences to
our future, or even the planet.

What happened to Derek in that game is
actually our fault.

Indirectly. He's right, Kookaburra.
Chester's like a totally different

after you rescued him in the locker
room. Excellent point, Jeanette.

Is it me, or have I totally lost control
of this project?

Lost control, bro.

Sorry I'm late.

Activating grid.

Ah, yes, we mustn't forget the grappling
hook.

Everybody's got to make fun of the hook.

I'll be sorry.

tape with you when you jump back in
time. It still exists.

Pretty clever, huh?

This is crazy, man.

I mean, Virg, you're the man. I gotta
tell the guys about this. No, no, no,

no, no. No, this is way too big. This
has gotta stay between us. Yeah, yeah,

worries, brother.

But we gotta celebrate.

I mean, tomorrow we're partying at my
house, and Virg, you gotta be there.

Oh, I want to. I can't, though. I'm
hanging with Charlie. The Weather

counting down the top ten hailstorms of
all time.

I didn't realize how lame of an evening
that was until I said it out loud.

Oh,

thank you.

Hey.

So, you having fun?

Oh, yeah. I haven't been to a party
since I was ten.

And I remember the ponies threw up on
me.

That was my birthday party.

Oh.

I'm kidding.

Good.

So I guess you're going to the dance on
Saturday?

Yeah, I guess.

You don't sound happy about it.

I don't know. Derek and I go to every
party, every social gathering.

It's really a sickness when you think
about it.

I don't know.

Being popular seems like a very
satisfying way of life.

I don't know about that.

Sometimes I wonder if I chose the right
path.

I mean, look at you. You don't seem to
mind that you're... Captain of the

dorks? I wasn't going to say it like
that.

But seriously, you guys always look like
you're having so much more fun than

everybody else.

Really?

Because from our side, it looks like you
guys are having a lot of fun.

Really? Yeah.

Hey, Virg. Hey.

So good partying with you again, man.

No, and thank those other guys for me.
What's his name? The big, uh, scary guy

in that little twerp? Oh!

Dang it, I forgot to cancel Charlie.

Hold on, let me call him.

I probably forgot all about it.

How many more times do I have to
apologize?

212 times ought to do it. Charlie,
listen, I'm really, really sorry.

Fine. I forgive you.

Look, I'm just really frazzled. I'm
worried about the time machine and the

possible ripple effect.

Hang on, dude, I got another call. I'll
get rid of him.

Hello? Hey, Rachel?

I can't believe it.

Steph, what's wrong?

I'll be right there.

Stephanie.

Stephanie.

I haven't done this since eighth grade.

That wasn't there before.

Could have used the front door.

Yeah, but what phone would that be?

So, tell me, what happened?

So, um, Derek got out of practice early.

And when I went over to his house, I saw
him kissing Jocelyn Lee.

Oh, Steph.

I knew it, too.

I just didn't want to believe it.

I feel so stupid.

much like pistachio nuts, but in the
rush to get over here, I accidentally

grabbed a bag of pasta shells.

Do you have any marinara sauce?

No, I can go get some of you.

You're joking.

It was really nice of you to come over,
Birch.

You're an amazing friend.

Listen, I'm gonna talk to him.

I have to end it once and for all.

Good luck.

These repeated irregularities are all
maintaining half -lives after their

primary incidents.

It's totally weird, Bill.

I mean, it's serious, sir.

And all of the fluctuations are
emanating directly from Somerton High

Actually, I have a theory about that.

It's... well... Does the department have
any contact with the FBI?

You know, you're kind of scary and
unapproachable.

Can we sit with you?

You don't know what it's like to be mad.

I mean, a great athlete, usually
popular.

I mean, it's like people expect me to
play the field and cheat all month.

your point? I didn't cheat.

I mean, Jocelyn made the first move. She
kissed me, but I didn't kiss her back.

I mean, that does not count as cheating.

Thing is, I mean, this is where you come
in.

I want you to go back in time.

Stop Stephanie from busting me with
Jocelyn. What?

Why should I? Because I made a big
mistake.

A huge one. And it'll never happen
again, I swear to you. I know.

I mean, you really hurt her.

I know.

I know, and I feel awful.

But Steph and I have been going out for
a long time now.

You know, and she's everything a guy
could ever want.

I'd like that the three of us have been
hanging out again.

Like the old days. And it could still be
like that, man.

Come on, buddy. What do you say?

Put on your seat belt.

Tony, I got the wrong guy. But I can
give you the names of the two.

He's going to give me fake names.

Never write you guys out. Yeah, right.

Mr. Keep -Me -On -Hold -All -Night.

Good afternoon, gentlemen.

My name is Agent Rehnquist of the
Federal Bureau of Investigation.

I'm going to let you boys in on a
secret.

A national secret.

In 1969, shortly after the Apollo 11
moon landing, the United States

began funding a number of new scientific
projects.

One of these projects was time travel.

What? Time travel? Crazy. I mean, that's
like so science fiction -y.

Hollywood baloney.

Project turned up few results.

and was eventually shut down.

Files never again touched.

That is, until two months ago, when an
industrious individual or individuals

broke into the NASA mainframe using a
computer we traced to Somerton High

School.

All right, I... What my friend was about
to say is that if you're

not going to charge us with anything,
you can't keep us here.

That's right. Look it up.

I took a semester of government.

Got to be minus.

I don't understand, sir. You're just
letting them go?

You get more information just by
watching them. Yeah, but now they know

watching them and... Yes, sir.

Excellent plan.

Oh, this is bad.

Real bad.

Yeah. Way to go, naughty Ned.

Thanks to you, we have the FBI on our
backs.

Me? I wanted to stop this whole thing
weeks ago, but no.

You had to use it for your own personal
gain. Charlie's right. Going to parties,

hanging with the populace. Hey, if I
remember correctly, you benefited from

this, too. How so? We gave you a life.

Before us, you were this big guy
everyone was afraid of. You better shut

Virgil.

See? You're being mean, Virgil. Charlie,
why don't you just go home to your

computer and your cat?

I will.

Good luck on your new life as a popular
person.

I'm out of here, too.

I'm better off on my own. I always have
been.

Well, that's the last of the data.

Unfortunately, we won't have an answer
until morning.

for not having a supercomputer.

Hello?

Oh.

Hey, Derek.

What do you say, Virg?

You gonna help me out, buddy?

Yeah, sure.

DRock.

Your mom let me in. It is such a nice
day. You know, I was thinking, maybe we

could go on a walk and talk about our
future together, and then... Oh.

I'd like to have an orange house.

That way, you wouldn't even have to have
an address.

And on the envelope, it would just say,
Jeanette Batchelouski.

Orange house.

It's done.

Oh. Um, I'm no scientist, but that
doesn't look good.

We created a... Oh. Uh,

uh, spin it up, you bird.

Oh, black hole!

That's bad, right?

Now, as the timeline continues, we see
an increased number of occurrences here

in the Somerton area. If we can all turn
to page 47, we can see where I've

highlighted certain areas.

I stole the formula from NASA, and man,
we've been time traveling all over. Way

ahead of you, Mr. Tuttle. I'd like for
you to meet Drs. Connors and Winthorpe

from the seismology department at
Pacific Tech.

Doctors, this is Charles Tuttle.

What are you, nine years old?

He's 14.

Oh, well, that's better.

Now I don't feel like such a loser.

So you already know about the black
hole?

What? The black hole!

I knew you guys were underfunded, but
come on. That's preposterous. We've ran

the worst -case scenario several times.
We never came up with a black hole.

I see five, six decimals that weren't
carried over.

Oops.

Yeah, oops.

Each time we used the machine, the rift
created in the space -time continuum did

not disappear.

Instead, the fluctuations blended
together to create one giant black hole.

And the worst part is, the black hole
will spread until it swallows up

Then the Northwest, then the entire
United States.

And so on.

How much time till zero hour?

According to my estimates, we have... We
have less than four hours to the end of

the world.

Okay, people, we're going to code red.
We'll get Washington on the phone now.

There might be a way to reverse it.

But it's a long shot.

Well, let's hear it.

Sir.

I'm really glad you're coming with me.

Hey what are friends for?

Everything set?

Uh, yeah. The suits are in the basement,
and then we'll go through the tunnels

under the cafeteria.

Sweet. We'll go as soon as they announce
the winners.

Hey, Marshall.

Steph,

do you believe that a person's life can
change in a single moment?

Sometimes. For the better, others for
the worse.

Yeah, I guess.

There is a moment in one of our lives
that's about to change.

And I don't know if it's for the better
or for the worse.

Virgil, I'm not following.

Attention.

Attention, everyone.

It's time to announce this year's king
and queen of the dance.

But first... Sonny Red and I want to fry
up some peanut butter and banana

sandwiches. Thank you. Oh, thank you
very much.

Elvis Presley.

Anyone?

Come on, that was a brilliant...
Whatever.

Stephanie Jameson and Virgil Fox get up
here. You won.

This is such a surprise.

Not really.

I guaranteed that we'd win. I went back
in time and stuffed the ballot box.

Miss Jameson and Mr. Fox.

Don't let it go to your head. There's
still time for a recount.

Did you really stuff the box?

Yeah.

I mean, you, sure, but who would vote
for me?

I would.

This is weird.

Yeah.

Why?

A good weird.

How you can be friends with someone for
so long. along and then... It's

different.

A good difference.

Come on, brother. It's time to go.

Oh, about that. I think I changed my
mind.

You promised.

Virgil. Don't go anywhere. I'll be right
back.

I knew Derek would be hacked about
virtual premium Stephanie.

Can we talk about this?

Oh, man. Come on.

Stephanie!

Stephanie!

Where's Virgil? He left with Derek.

Why?

Don't tell me he's going to trip back in
time.

Oh, my gosh. That's what he's doing.

He might make things worse.

What? Why?

Stephanie, I just... I just think...
Dude, don't tell me you're going to try

steal my girl.

We're friends. I mean, buddies don't do
that to each other. Virgil!

Virgil, what?

Virgil, we have a small problem.

We have less than an hour to save the
planet.

What are you talking about? Well, what
do we have here?

To me, like the beginnings of a fracas.

What?

fracas to fight.

Yes, we'll sort out all the detentions
later. Right now, all of you, get back

the gym.

Everyone, move.

Everyone, freeze.

FBI.

Stop. CIA.

Fear of voice and measures.

In the future, you should probably go
first.

Hold the phone. We cannot let these
students go in that thing. They could

We have no choice.

They're the only ones familiar with the
equipment.

If they don't go, then we could all die.

Got feet.

You know what?

I'm the one who messed everything up.

I'll go alone.

Charlie and Zeke have nothing to do with
it. What do you mean nothing to do with

it? I admit it.

I helped.

No, you didn't. Yeah, I did. You paid.

You'll both go.

Listen, guys.

Once we reverse the wormhole's polarity,
there's no way of measuring how quickly

we'll close. It can stay open for
several more minutes or it can vanish

instantaneously. And even if we do make
it back alive, there's no guarantee

we'll return exactly to the point in
time that we acted this way.

Aye, aye, Senator Positive.

Good luck speaking.

So, Virgil, I hear you're trying to save
the world.

That's right.

Big Brother's pretty cool, huh? When you
die, can I have your room?

Mine is way too small, and... Bye, Amy.

Charlie, Charlie, um, um, come back in
one piece, okay?

Come on, Charlie. We gotta go.

Charlie. Charlie.

There we go.

I want you to know. Hey, man. Good luck.

With everything?

Yeah. Great.

Don't go anywhere.

Just be careful.

I think we landed in Munchkin Land.

What up, Munchkin?

Actually, we're across the park.

What planet did you come from? Did you
come from Neptune?

Did people from Neptune eat macaroni? I
love macaroni. Is macaroni a vegetable?

Beat it, kid. We're working here.

Hey, set up the antenna.

We're getting reversal sequence.

Come on.

Hey, guys.

Today's September 3rd, 2005.

First day of school, freshman year.

Oh, that's the day.

The incident.

The incident.

Of course.

This is the day that a module of quantum
acceleration first interacted with the

space -time continuum.

The rocket car, remember?

Yes. It's linked the wormhole from our
present to this moment in time.

What's going on down there? Why not?

Isn't that what made the men do undue
mistakes?

Why made a mistake down there?

I have a chance to be somebody.

Okay, but know this.

What happened down there is we became
friends.

That day that we were tied up together
on that stupid ram statue.

This day.

This day that you hate so much.

Just because he got a little
embarrassed.

This is my favorite day.

Even though I'd still be a nerd, it
didn't really matter anymore.

Because now I had a real friend.

And I would always make everything okay.

So much for always, I guess.

Listen, listen, Verge, you do what you
got to do here.

And if things aren't the same on the
other side, it's been a good ride.

Hey, guys, wait.

You shouldn't do that.

Because I've got a much better idea. I
mean, why don't we smear this all over

him?

The vortex just went in overdrive. Hold
on, you're telling me... If that thing

touches the ground, we'll be trapped
here for good.

Wait, what about Virgil? There's no way
we'll make it, Joanie. It's back to the

vortex in time.

Charlie, Charlie, get up.

Get up, Charlie. We gotta keep moving.

Let's go.

You do not want to go back there.

Kid's getting roughed up by some
football players.

It's real ugly.

You don't say.

First, I felt kind of sorry for the
dorky kid, but... I realized what he

me for.

Got himself a great friend down there.

Someday I'll have other great friends,
too.

You know, let's come up with our own
handshake. Can we go now? Because I

don't feel like repeating the last three
years of high school. Get out of here.

Go, go, go, go, go.

So let's move it, boys.

Let's go.

Steph, that's why I need her help. I
have no idea what you just said.

I said my boyfriend is a lying cheese
brain.

Come on, Steph. Derek, I'm trying to
study.

Hey, you know what?

This is the first day that we time
traveled. The day we toured to win the

lottery. Wow, nice outfits, Bozos.

Hey, Derek.

I fell in with Jocelyn.

What's that supposed to mean?

Oh, I don't know.

I figure you're both so good with
lipstick.

Make a perfect match.

You are always going to be a dork
anyways, Virgil. And you are always

be a jerk, Derek.

Have a nice life.

Ladies.

Thanks, pumpkin.

You've never kissed her before. The
scene in the hallway hasn't happened

Oh, right.

Jeanette!

I'm sorry.

I was just... I can explain.

Hey.

It's okay.

Steph. Oh, hey. You didn't see me in
here before, did you?

No, and what's with the weird suit?

I was just rehearsing a little school
play about time travel.

And it kind of got me thinking.

If I really could go back in time, what
would I change?

A snowsuit?

I would tell Stephanie how I really feel
about her.

And I think she's great.

Really? And if I could go back in time?

I think I tell Virgil the same thing.

Virgil! Virgil!

What? Charlie? What does the word
teleportation mean to you?

Huh? It's an excellent thing. Bigger
than time travel. It's a whole new

transportation paradigm.

We saw the slide projectors. And this is
the moon. This is the moon. I'll call

you. This is the moon.

It's like time travel. No, Charlie.

No, no, no. Charlie, it's a black hole.

Charlie, listen.

Charlie, it's a black hole.

inside the black hole and closed it?