Original subtitles

I'd like to be you for a day.

like to climb into the dreams you hide to know the grown -up and the child

Born in Mountview Hospital 13 years ago, give or take a month.

Female, blonde, natural, of course. Blue eyes.

Height about 5 '2". I don't remember what I weigh, but I'm watching it, which

mother says is ridiculous because I'm not completely mature in my figure yet.

Maybe by summer, though.

Gross.

I have one little brother. Look at him.

Gorgeous hair, gorgeous teeth, gorgeous eyes, gorgeous eyelashes.

He's what you call neat.

Not neat -terrific.

Neat -neat.

He is so neat, it's revolting.

He only does it to show me up. A goody -goody, you know?

A perfect person and a creep.

His name is Ben, but I call him... Apeface!

Will you get out of here? Don't come busting in here without knocking. So

do you want?

It's time for breakfast.

So? Come on, beat it. Get out of here.

Actually, I care. I mean, school is okay, you know. I got my friends, my

In fact, yesterday I was made captain for today's playoff game. Kind of neat,

huh?

I'm also pretty good on water.

We got a super water ski club.

And we're going to put on a real aquacade for my dad.

Oh, yeah, about my parents.

William Waring Andrews, 45.

Six feet tall, well, 5 '11 and a half.

The hair's a little too short, but I've seen worse.

All in all, a fantastically cool person.

He's with Jofferton Jennings, Public Relations, and the most beautiful person

the world.

Almost.

That's Boris Harris. What a fox.

I mean, he's really something else.

Unfortunately, ever since a little incident that happened a while ago,

leaves me strictly alone.

And the bell!

Time! Which is more than I can say for her.

The thing is, lately Mom and I haven't been hitting it off too well.

It's not that I don't love her or anything. I do. And why shouldn't I?

Everybody knows that mothers are sweet and kind and lovely and gentle and...

a bell!

And loud.

You big hamburger!

Annabelle, where are you going?

I thought we had this all out last night. Come on, now. So who, me?

Oh, listen, Mom, I'm not very hungry. I'll go for that eggs and bacon stuff.

I want you to grow up to be healthy. That's all, Annabelle. Come on, Mom, I'm

going to grow up to be a blimp.

You're already late.

What about your room?

Perfect. Uh -huh. And your bed.

That's made, right?

Oh, Dara, I... I forgot, Mom. It just slipped through my mind. I've got a lot

things to think about now.

Annabelle, I don't want to be preachy, but childhood is the best time in a

person's life.

When I... Sure, I mean, I'm all for it, but, you know, I've got a lot of

worries. Name one, just one.

All right.

Worry number one.

I'm late to meet Virginia.

Wish me luck.

Bye -bye.

Good luck to me, too.

Annabelle, Annabelle, wait a minute.

Annabelle!

Don't forget the orthodontist!

Don't forget the aquacade.

How could she want to bet she does?

Forget the aquacade? Forget the orthodontist.

I don't think I'm right.

Today's the day Dr.

Bassinger's going to take her braces off.

You're going to be a surprise.

You think I should have told her, Bill?

About the aquacade? No, no, no.

Oh, Bill.

that you could be present for this formal announcement of our luxurious new

Oceana Marina.

It's good, it's good. I still don't think the name is any good. I think it

should be the Isle of Whispering Winds.

It's interesting.

Ellen, please.

No more help.

You just show up, looking beautiful, as usual.

I'll take care of the rest.

Certainly.

bone, kid.

Hey, Jimmy, give me the usual. Shake the lead off.

Well, yeah, I got quiz number two -way about my room.

It's my room. I should be able to keep it the way I want to, right? Right,

right. All due to the extraordinary efforts of this brilliant,

ingenious... Of all things.

I'm afraid that's not complimentary enough to the developer, my dear.

Oh, well, nothing very complimentary.

the terrible teens.

Yes. And have you seen how she dresses lately?

It'd be tough for me to put her down without her. I don't have a water show

afternoon. Would you like to know where I have to go this afternoon?

Hmm? See Mr. Dilt, the principal at school.

He's asked for a conference to discuss Annabelle's lack of academic progress.

What do you think of that, Bill?

I'm sure you can handle it, dear.

I'm up to my neck in this sort of... Thank you.

And another thing, she's not going to let me go to Hillary's this afternoon.

says she knows all we do there is kissing games.

She's also on my back to get my hair trimmed.

I'm not falling for that again. Last time it was trimmed, they hacked six

off of it.

I mean, I try to be cool, right?

My parents just seem to be immune to it.

Sometimes I really blow my top, though. Like yesterday, I said to her, what are

you trying to do, change my whole entire image?

She said, no, dear, I wouldn't know where to start.

Chuckle, chuckle. I mean, that's really funny.

If it's any comfort to you, Annabelle.

My mom's even rottener than yours.

Mothers just don't understand what a person goes through.

I mean, I'm an individual, right? I can't eat what I want, wear what I want,

keep my hair and my nails the way I want. Last night we really had it out,

though. Listen, I screamed at her.

I'm not a screamer, you know.

Listen, you're not letting me have any fun, and I'm sick of it. You're always

pushing me around and telling me what to do.

How come nobody ever gets to tell you what to do? Will you tell me that?

You know what you said?

Annabelle, I said when you're grown up, people don't tell you what to do. You

have to tell yourself, which is sometimes more difficult.

Oh, yeah. I said in this real bitter tone. You know, that always blows my

Oh, yeah. You can tell yourself to watch TV all day or go to lunch with your

friends, eat what you want for breakfast, or go to big parties or

Dad. And do the laundry, I reminded her.

And the shopping and the cooking.

Make things nice for everybody.

Honestly, Bill, that child has not got a clue about my life.

Not a single clue.

Sounds like a picnic to me.

I wish I could switch places with her for just one day.

Something really freaky?

Wait a minute.

That's not my voice.

That's Mom's voice.

Hey, what's the matter with you?

Good grief, what am I doing here?

That's not my voice. That's Annabelle's voice.

Are you okay, Annabelle?

That's Mom's foot. Good grief.

That's not my hand. That's Annabelle's.

Mom's legs?

And... And her stomach?

And her, uh... Uh... Wow!

Mom's body has got my mind in it.

Annabelle's body has got my mind in it.

I'm Mom.

I'm Annabelle.

Hi, Mom.

I love your teeth.

Annabelle, say something.

Who can talk through all this scrap iron?

Could I trouble you for a dime, dear?

Could I trouble you for a dime, dear?

Sure.

Yes and no.

Anna, please.

This is some kind of joke. I don't have any time.

Just button up and listen, Bill. Who are you telling to button up? And since

when do you call me Bill now?

What's got into you this morning?

A lot more than you can imagine. Now, please, Bill.

Annabelle, stop that now. I am not Bill to you.

All right.

Dad. All right. Now, that's better.

What do you want?

How's Ellen?

Ellen? Mom, I mean, is she all right? Feeling all right? That sort of thing?

Annabelle, please, if this is some kind of game, I... No, don't hang up. It's

very important. Would you just take a look?

Yeah, she is acting a little funny.

She's blowing bubbles and hopping up and down.

Hopping?

I told you it would look like hopping to the Wolf's King.

Who's that on the horse?

Well, that's Annabelle. She wants to know if you're feeling all right.

Are you, honey?

Oh, I feel terrific. How does she feel?

Well, she's worried about you. Maybe she ought to come home.

No, no, tell her absolutely not. Tell her childhood is the best time in a

person's life. And today I want her to enjoy every minute of it, especially the

big typing test.

Oh, yeah, tell her I hope she does really well in the hockey game because

is an important playoff and the whole team's counting on her. If she messes

everybody will hate me.

Her.

Well, your mother says... Yes, I heard her, Daddy.

Goodbye. Bye, Virginia.

All right, I've got to talk to you.

Talk. Okay.

Now, girls, you're not children any longer.

I feel that I can speak with you as adults.

I think you're intelligent enough to grasp exactly what I have to say to you

right now.

What is this?

It's your usual rum raisin banana split breakfast.

Figures.

What else would a junk food junkie eat for breakfast?

That is about the most revolting concoction. I've ever put inside my

You see something different, right?

Something different?

You see that I am diametrically different from the Annabelle you all

correct?

All right.

Now listen very carefully.

I'm not Annabelle.

Who are you?

John Mayberry. I love it.

Give me a pack of menthols, please.

Are you kidding?

Listen, don't be fresh with me, young man, or I'll report you to the manager.

You would not freak out. Believe me.

You're really weird, Annabelle. Just a few minutes ago, you were talking about

how... Young lady, a great deal has transpired in the last few minutes.

Besides water ski?

What? What?

You've never been on water skis in your life.

Oh, I was only kidding, Daddy.

Daddy? You've never called me Daddy before. No, I never will again, Bill,

You sure you're feeling all right? I feel better.

Good.

You better bring me a change of wardrobe for tonight.

Can you imagine socks? Oh, oh, yeah, yeah. And my white shoes.

Blue blazer.

It might need a quick trip to the cleaners.

And that shirt with the ruffles down the front.

And be careful when you press it.

It's pure silk, you know.

Anything else?

Well, now that you ask, if the shoes need a polish, I'd appreciate it.

Maybe Mom will enjoy being in my shoes.

No wonder Annabelle always runs around barefooted. These sneakers feel like

they're full of marbles.

You know, you're right about your hair, Annabelle. My mom had mine all hacked

off. And now look at me. To tell you the truth, Virginia, I think it's much more

becoming to you short. Who's side are you on anyways, I mean? How can you

me to sympathize about your horrible, mean mother?

That's uncalled for.

Virginia, could you possibly?

No, I couldn't possibly.

I know you have more change on you, Annabelle. I could tell by your walk.

My walk?

I don't believe how dirty this foot is. I doubt if it's ever seen a bathtub.

Hmm.

But why should it? The sock isn't much cleaner.

Whoosh.

Dumb, dribbly guck.

Ew.

Who needs hand lotion anyway?

Let him get old and wrinkled.

Now, what next?

Ooh, makeup for the chief.

Yeah, why not?

Ooh, Sadie the Painted Lady.

You're lovely, my dear. Simply lovely.

Well, they see you this afternoon at the marina.

Sipping champagne.

Oh, I love champagne.

Wait a minute.

I've never had champagne.

Maybe I won't like it.

Oh, well. I'll try everything.

I wish I hadn't tried this.

Come on.

Stick. Stick, you hairy little monster.

Maybe I can cover them up.

Oh, forget it.

Just a touch of color.

It's not real.

No, it can't be.

Ridiculous.

Impossible!

What is?

Oh, nothing. I was just thinking. Well, I wish you'd stop it. Everybody's

staring. You know, you look like a crazy person talking to yourself and waving

your hands around like that.

Sorry. Oh, I know what she's doing.

She probably thinks I spend my entire day snacking, watching TV.

She'll find out.

Ha! Will she find out?

What's with her?

Nothing wrong with her noggin.

How would I know? I've never seen her before in my life.

toss in a little stuff here toss in a little stuff there

El pronostico para sábado o martes indica nieves por la noche y por la

con buen tiempo durante el día.

If you will simply hang up, read out your number, you will be able to reach

party. This is your recording.

Oh,

whoa, slow down, Mac. Who is this, anyway?

Bill. It's Bill.

Bill? Bill who?

Oh. Oh.

Hello. Hello. What's going on? Uh, my husband. Hi there, Billy boy. How's it

going in the salt mines?

Never mind that. What's happening there?

Nothing. Just rinsing out a few things.

Oh. Oh, okay. Uh, look.

ceremonies. You better drive down and pick up some booze.

Booze?

Drive?

Honey, what's the matter?

Nothing. It's just that I didn't intend to drive anywhere today, Daddy. Bill.

At noon, after you pick up Ben from school.

Ben?

Oh, hey, place.

You know that slinky black dress you got? Why don't you wear that tonight?

Well, I've got to run now, so anything else I'll call you. Goodbye.

Booze?

Bill? Brian?

Iron this, polish that.

Go here, go there.

As a dad, you're super. As a husband, you're more like a traffic cop.

Annabella, Annabella, couldn't find a steady fella. Oh, for pity's sake.

I finally got a rise out of metal mouth. You did not.

Hey, you know, I can lead some people around by the nose. Her, you can lead

around by the teeth. All she needs is a magnet.

One thing you need, young man, is a good old -fashioned spanking.

I brought your favorite today, tuna fish and peanut butter.

Tuna fish and peanut butter? Yeah, and grape yogurt.

Meet you at lunchtime, okay?

Sure, okay.

Oh, Sidney, no wonder she never eats at home.

You can't eat with Gordy today, Annabelle. Don't you remember we have

band practice at noon?

What a shame.

education well at this stage the developing action has all

musical mystery medley and went over five...

Precious outfit.

Well, where do I start, honey?

Uh, in the kitchen. We had a little problem this morning.

Oh, what happened?

Well, uh, the washing machine went bananas and, uh... Well, let's take a

and see what's going on. Oh, no, no.

No wonder.

You're gonna cram your shirt?

Oh, jacks.

That's cute.

That's cute.

And all your jacks in here together, not to mention you use too much soap.

That is your problem.

Well, that's what comes of letting Annabelle help with the laundry.

That sweet thing, trying to be helpful.

A genuine first.

Mrs. Schmaltz, get a hold of yourself.

I want you to finish this laundry and then sew up this dress. I need it for

tonight. Hold it, honey, hold it. When I came to work for you, there were a

couple of things we agreed upon I don't do.

Number one is I don't do no personal maidens. I see. What is the number two

thing you won't do?

Do we have to go into that again?

Just give me a refresher on it, Mrs. Schmaus.

What is the number two thing you won't do?

The number two thing I don't do is I don't pick up pig pens.

That's an honor. I've reserved for the mother of the pig.

Well, look at this. Dirty clothes.

Ah.

Banana peel.

Half a paperback.

And now we get to see what's behind curtain number three.

A bicycle pump.

A broken water ski.

trouble.

a typewriter, not a television set.

And electric typewriters need electricity?

Yummy?

Electric?

Oh, well, that's how different it can be.

Well, go use one of the other machines. I'll give you a few extra minutes.

It's $14 .50. A check will be good. Check? I wonder how many years you get

forgery. Will you take cash?

Yeah, some people still use that.

Okay, just a second. I have to get my mom's mother's... my purse.

Hang in there, Lloyd. Just, I have to... Let me... I'll see you at the door.

on time. What are you on time?

The carpets, remember?

It's Friday.

Sure, sure.

Just slipped my mind.

Cool it, man.

Can't let me start. No, just pick a carpet.

Can I get my 1450, Mrs. Andrews?

Excuse me, you've got a pair of pliers. Pliers?

Oh!

Listen,

here, you hold, Max. Max, hey, look, what are you looking for? Do I find this

gentleman?

Pliers. Pliers.

I want my hair dryers. What are you... Hi, Mrs.

Andrews. Hi. Bet you thought you'd never see us again. No, never did.

Brought your nice, clean draperies back. Where did they go? Pickle.

I'll tell you how it starts.

Remember, Wendy, when you asked me if I saw that half bottle of gin on the bar

Monday? I suppose that was your way of accusing me of drinking your liquor.

probably was.

Well, I have a secret for you.

Mrs.

Andrews, we've run into a little problem.

No, but if you hum a few bars, maybe I can pick it out.

The buffet is set up

on shore for this evening, but I thought that our clients and the investors

would have more fun with the show itself by watching it from this float.

There's an overall picture of the property, a good view of the shoreline.

And there's an excellent viewing position for the fireworks display.

And, of course, the aquacade.

I still think that we should have held out for the professional water skiers.

Mr. Jennings, I can assure you there's going to be a top -notch show.

My daughter and her ski club have been rehearsing for weeks.

This is a big account, Andrews. You're sure that your daughter and these other

kids aren't in over their heads?

Mr. Jofford, I can assure you that it's going to be very, very, very good.

And, well...

If I do say so myself, my daughter Annabelle is the star of the show.

You really should see her.

I can hardly wait.

Excuse me.

Hello?

It's my wife.

Hi, honey.

Well, if you fired her, you fired her.

I don't understand why you're so worried about how upset your mother's going to

be. Your mother lives in Dayton.

Well, I could have told you she was a heavy drinker.

That's not her mother. That's someone else. Listen, honey, I'm busy now. Could

you... The mechanic, too?

The carpet cleaners?

And the drapery man?

Is the dog still there?

No, no, I know that's not funny, Ellen.

Look, I'll take care of everything later.

Honey, I've got to go.

Yeah, I'll see you at the marina at five.

Yeah. Don't forget my clothes. Yeah, come on.

What do you think, Max?

At least there's no ring around the collar.

Great.

He's going to kill me.

a schmouse. I don't do any personal mating either.

Everybody around here's had breakfast but me.

Rotten ape face. A club.

All right.

Macaroni and cheese.

Breakfast at last.

What a

Really bored.

Hmm. Bored.

I wonder if Boris is home.

Hey, Annabelle, now's your chance.

I can make a pitch for me when I'm not gorgeous. I mean, when I am gorgeous and

not me.

What'll I say?

Let's see.

What's happening, man?

Hi, you lover boy.

Hello, Boris.

This is Mrs. Andrews across the street.

I was wondering, could I borrow a couple...

Sugar's too corny.

Kibble?

Kibble. K -I -B -B -L -E.

You know, the stuffed dogs eat?

Yeah, cat kibble. That'll be fine, too.

When Max is hungry, he'll eat anything.

He's not a kibble quibbler, not he.

So I wonder, could you... No.

Annabelle's not home, so...

He's coming over. I can't let him see me like this.

I've got to find something devastating, sexy, slinky, velvet maybe.

Hi, Mrs. Andrews.

Far out.

Kathy kibbles with horse meat. And a ten -cent coupon for a little flea collar.

I can only stay a bit in there. Got a lot of homework.

Oh, Boris. I'll treasure it for life. I gotta go.

Yum, yum. Oh, Boris, that's a dreadful cold you have.

Oh, no, no.

Let me get you some vitamin C.

You don't have to, Mrs. Andrews.

You don't really have to. In a jewelry box.

Canopy bed in a dollhouse?

Yes, with a canopy bed in a dollhouse. He's a very peculiar boy. He's

I'll say.

He's also a slob.

Excuse me, Boris.

Boris. Here, vitamin C. Take two. They're chewable. I'll eat one. Thank

They're good.

Delicious.

I don't really have a cold. It's adenoids.

Or an allergy to my brother.

Anyway, it cuts a dose.

Keeps me whole from school.

cooped up in here just gets me crazy.

Sure.

But, uh, weren't you just kind of funny to be hacking her out?

You're right.

I'm going to put on some shoes.

You and your little boy have the same size feet?

Yeah. Told you he's peculiar.

Okay.

led United States intervention into what, class?

Korean conflict.

Yes. And that took place when?

Children? In June or July of 1950 with the naval air and ground forces leading

the way.

Precisely. Class, didn't anyone else do their preparation for today?

Go on, Annabelle.

Brownie points coming right up.

Well, in order to fully comprehend the nature of the Korean conflict, it is

necessary to review all the events.

Is that very hard to throw?

Not if you know how.

Want me to show you?

Mm -hmm.

Come here.

Okay.

Okay.

Excuse me, I... Okay.

You swing your arm back, then bring it forward.

You swing it back, then you bring it forward.

Then you swing it back, then you bring it...

Say, I bet you'd do great for a lady.

Oh, if you think I'd be good, you should show Annabelle sometime. She'd really

be good. She'd be so good. I'd rather show you.

Not Mom.

Me, dum -dum.

Actually, Boris, lately Annabelle has completely changed.

She's no longer the same person who cut your head open with a tin shovel in the

playground five years ago. Four.

Still got the scar.

Eight. Four.

Anyway, if you've seen her lately, you wouldn't recognize her. Does she still

have braces?

Because if she still has braces, I'd recognize her.

I mean, now Annabelle is so nice.

She's nice, nice, nice.

Well, I'm sure she is.

Extremely nice.

But Miss Andrews, to be perfectly frank, that's not saying much.

Forrest, you turkey, I can't bear it.

Open me.

Clam up and... Hmm.

Very cute.

Go ahead, Annabelle. You're doing just fine.

Responsibility fell on the Eisenhower administration, which was the first

Republican administration in 20 years. The most salient characteristic,

of the Eisenhower years was...

I'm sorry, Mrs. Benson. I seem to have dropped a book.

I've got to get some books at the locker. I'll meet you after class.

Hey, I have an even better idea.

Come on, I'll show you.

You're too much. I just can't believe it, Annabelle. One day you don't know

first thing about history, and today you made us all look like a bunch of

dummies.

We could play Monopoly, something.

Well, I'd like that.

Yeah? You know, most grown -ups don't want to play games. They're always too

busy or something.

But then, uh, you're not the same as most grown -ups.

Go on, I love it.

You're, uh... Yeah.

Well, did you notice my allergy's completely gone?

Yeah. Maybe I'm allergic to my own mother, but I'm certainly not allergic

you.

In fact, I kind of wish I was 20 years older.

We're 20 years younger. Or something like that, I guess.

Well, see you, Boris.

And Mrs. Andrews? Well,

you shouldn't blame yourself.

I mean, it's not your fault that Annabelle's the way she is.

I mean, she's probably what they call a... a bat seed.

I wish I was dead.

Anything should go wrong. I mean, anything. Why should it?

Well, like I told you this morning, I'm not the same person today. So I've

noticed. But you know you have to snap out of it. This is a real important

I'll try.

Mrs. Schmouse. Yahoo!

You didn't like her either, I take it. Like her?

Mom, I hate her.

She talks cross and smells funny. But mostly I hate her because she says

Annabelle's a spoiled brat and a pig. I heard that once already today. I don't

have to hear it again.

Besides, does it make sense?

You hate Mrs. Schmouse because Mrs. Schmouse hates Annabelle. But Annabelle

hates you. So if I write the person you should hate is Annabelle.

because there's nothing more annoying in the whole entire world than a little

blue -eyed saint with perfect teeth who's always on time, never has a messy

room.

Do you hate me, too?

Don't be a jackass. I'm just trying to tell you why Annabelle hates you. But

I...

Honey, where have you been?

Never mind. We've got problems.

That rat think Mary Kay.

She called you, told you about the boomerang through the window, did she?

I've got a real problem now. Will you listen to me for half a minute?

We have no buffet for the marina tonight.

There was some confusion.

Mrs. White thought Mrs. Matthews was going to handle it. Mrs. Matthews

Mrs. White was going to handle it. So, big deal. Who's going to handle it?

You are. Me?

It should be a snap. Thanks, love. Goodbye.

Male chauvinist pig.

Mommy, why did you call Daddy male chauvinist pig just now?

Because that's what he is.

But what is one?

A male chauvinist pig is a husband who spends three months taking bows for a

shindig. He's going to throw them when he...

a minute, please?

Can I help you?

Yes, could you please tell Mr. Andrews that his daughter would like to see him,

please?

Mr. Andrews?

Your daughter is here.

Fine.

Would you walk this way, please?

You've got to be kidding.

You're the new secretary, I suppose.

Enjoying your work, are you? Oh, very much.

How does Mr. Andrews work for? Oh, he's just a doll.

Why, we get along.

He's pleasant.

And very professional.

I can't complain.

I can.

You know, Miss... Gibbons. Gibbons, Miss Gibbons, yes. My father's an extremely

devoted family man.

Extremely devoted.

Oh, I know he is.

He talks about you and your mother all the time.

She must be a lovely person.

Darn tootin', she's quite a doll also.

Dangerous lady to lock horns with, though, if you know what I mean.

Why didn't you tell Mom about your new secretary?

What's there to tell?

Darling, you always used to tell me.

Too late, Miss Gibbons. I've already seen your action.

Excuse me, Mr. Andrews, but you wanted to sign this as soon as it was ready?

Yeah, yeah, thanks.

Lucille, you're not going somewhere?

Oh, no.

It's just a bit chilly in here, don't you think?

Oh, oh, yeah.

I hadn't noticed.

Oh.

Thank you.

Mm -hmm.

Now, uh, what can I do for you?

Now, look at me.

Aren't I revolting?

Well, you look like a typical teenager to me. Right, and I think it's time for

change. You came all the way here to ask me that?

Well, no, not exactly.

You know, I'm getting my braces off this afternoon, and, uh...

I thought that I'd get my hair done and my nails, you know, what's left of them.

Well, you don't need my permission for all that.

Oh, I know, but I thought I'd go out and get some new clothes to go along with

the new me, you know.

And I wondered if I could borrow some of your credit cards with a note of

authorization. Oh, sure, sure. Hey, we can do that.

Miss Gibbons can take care of it.

I'll bet she can.

I think I hate Miss Gibbons.

Yes, Mr. Andrews?

Yeah.

Would you take a short note, please?

Yes, sir.

To whom it may concern?

To whom it may concern.

Please allow my daughter, Annabelle Andrews, whose signature appears below,

use my credit cards, etc., etc., etc., sincerely yours.

Got that?

Certainly.

I've got ready for you in a jiffy.

Ugly looking thing, isn't she?

Well, I'll tell you the truth.

I've seen her look better, but she's got a lot on her mind.

She better not have.

Such as?

Husband's out of a job, sick kid, and a difficult mother -in -law.

Annabelle, I don't have time to spend on this.

Anything else I can do for you? Oh, no, nothing. This is fine.

Yeah. Thanks a lot, Daddy.

Ellen Andrews, you are a conniving, suspicious old bat.

Thanks a lot, Daddy.

Okay, preheat oven to 325. How do you do that?

Turn it to preheat, stupid -o. Oh, sweetie, preheat on our stove is when

oven and the broiler are both on. It gets hot fester.

Oh.

For a 20 -pound bird, that will take six and a half hours.

Do we have time?

Only if you double everything. Turn it up full last.

after my armpits in moth and gunk? Who is it? What do they want?

Who are you and what do you want?

Okay, I'll tell her.

That was the principal's office.

He says that you're 15 minutes late for the conference with him about Annabelle.

Mr. Duke?

Would you like to babysit a small boy and a turkey?

See, what else can I tell you?

Birds in the oven.

Just don't touch yourselves, whatever you do.

And, uh, say, Boris, you didn't say you... You couldn't whip up a dessert

about 25, could you?

Oh, you know, jello, something like that.

I made a chocolate mousse once.

Terrific! Do that again.

He's gonna cook?

Isn't that sort of a sissy thing to do? Look who's talking.

The kid with the canopy bed in the dollhouse.

I wouldn't mention that if I were you. We're sensitive on the subject. You two

want to get along. I can imagine.

Everything fine? Okay. I'm off and ready. Good.

come up with a grade like that. What about her classwork? Doesn't she talk up

class all the time?

Well, doesn't that add up to something?

It does.

37. But Annabelle has an extraordinary IQ, and her verbal aptitude is higher

than a college freshman.

What? Nobody ever told me that. Why didn't you tell me that?

I'm really a whiz?

I admire and love your little girl.

She's the kind of child every teacher dreams of discovering in her classroom.

And when you finally do and can't get through to her at all, then you have to

face the fact that perhaps I am the failure and that Annabelle in more

hands than mine would learn to implement the special gifts that God gave her.

But I don't have that ability, I guess.

And it just breaks my heart. Come now, Miss McQuirk, don't cry.

It's not your fault. She's sometimes a bit of a flaky chick, that's all.

Mrs. Andrews, this is your daughter we're discussing.

Yes, I know. Well, she's suddenly changed from a model student to a...

chick, as you say.

There has to be a reason for her behavior.

A variation in her environment?

The emergence of a heretofore suppressed sibling rivalry?

Will you run that by me in plain English, please?

Does your family favor your son over your daughter?

Ain't faith. No, he's just a kid.

Well, she's obviously rebelling at something.

I think she just wants to do her own thing. That's it.

Naturally. That's the normal teenage... Could it possibly be you?

Are you an attentive mother?

Too darned attentive, I'd say.

Are you understanding?

Never. Over -demanding?

You bet.

Hey, this is fun.

With all due respect, Mrs. Andrews, do you consider yourself an able parent?

I'm not number one on the charts, but I'd say I'm in the top ten. You are

toward your daughter, aren't you? Of course I am. What kind of question is

That's a dumb question.

Yeah, what kind of a dumb question is that?

Mrs. Andrews, this is going to be a little more difficult than I... Tell me,

is there trouble between you and your husband?

Now hold on, Charlie.

Charles, please.

Charles, this thing is getting out of hand. We're here to talk about grades,

my father.

Oh, Mrs.

Andrews, did you hear what you just said?

Yes, I called my husband my father, big deal.

Rather revealing, don't you think? I think you people have an awful lot of

prying into people's personal affairs.

Out of the way to go, Mom.

We're interested in getting at the root of Annabelle's problem.

She needs help. Yes, and she's not the only one.

Besides, I think she just got that help.

Come Monday morning, you're going to see a brand new Annabelle. Well, we mustn't

expect her to change just like that. Stranger things have happened, McQuirk.

Did you think we'd turn it off?

Sounds like it's going to explode.

Nope, your mother said not to touch it.

Now what happens?

The melted chocolate gets blended with the egg whites and the brandy.

pies. Yeah.

Blew up by mistake.

Blew up? You're joking.

And Mom, the turkey's about to... That's enough, Max. Let the chocolate soldier

go get washed up.

Oh, great.

All right, come on, you two.

You clean up the walls. You clean up the body. To the showers. Go, go to the

showers. You, to the kitchen.

It's a smell.

I need her help now.

Get this thing. We have some caddy kibble left on the shelf, some green

Tabasco sauce. We'll make a New Orleans casserole. We'll sprinkle little bread

crumbs. I think I have some olives.

It'll be wonderful.

Parsley!

your skis on. Everybody's waiting. I'm not going through with it, Bill.

No, look, please, please don't start that again. Look, I've been bragging

you for weeks. Don't let me down now, huh? Please.

I'm not the same person you think I am right now, all right? Oh, you sound just

like your mother now. Come on, let's get into your skis. Come on, let's find

your skis, skis. Come on. You don't care whether I live or die, do you? We'll

talk about that after the aqua cave now. Come on, come on now. I'll help you.

Come on, into the skis. There we are.

First to foot.

Have we got everything?

Yeah, I think so. Where's the turkey?

You mean...

Haven't you ever heard of smoked turkey? Go get it, Tiger. Okay, Laura. Listen,

Boris, I haven't got much time.

Oh, but there are a few kooky things about me you should know.

Please try and understand, okay? I need your help desperately.

You name it, Miss Andrews. Well, to begin with, I know it's hard to believe,

I don't know how to drive.

You're right, I don't believe you.

Do you drive, Boris?

Kinda, but I haven't got a license I can get arrested.

Better than getting killed. I can't drive.

I'm only 13 years old.

Sure.

I'm only 38.

Please, Boris, don't you believe me?

I'm not my mother. I'm Annabelle Andrews. I am in my mother's body.

You understand.

Don't ask me how it happened. How did it happen? You don't believe me, do you?

I think you're crazy. Boris, I cannot do that. Not in the very least.

I am a fruitcake. But what kind of irresponsible person are you to let me,

fruitcake, drive a car?

I might get killed.

Don't you care?

Yeah, I care.

All right.

If you care, get into this car and drive me to the marina so I can save my dad's

neck and my mommy's life.

Well, I don't care that much.

I bought you a new outfit, but you don't have to wear it.

Your teeth, don't you like your new teeth?

I wasn't talking about the way I look. I was talking about the way I am. What?

I am so much smarter than I thought.

completely different person.

Well, maybe not completely yet, but I'm working on it.

You're being less indirect with me, Ellen.

Frankly, I'm a little worried about your mom, though.

She's acting kind of weird, you know?

You don't think she's what they call a bad seed, do you?

Well, I think you'll be noticing some changes in her, too.

Yeah, well, I like a more level -headed woman like you.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I think I know what you mean, Boris.

get some pizza.

Come on, you want to go with us?

Me? Really, me?

Really, come on.

Oh, man.

Ellen, what I saw you do today was impossible.

Now, how can you sit there? We're all going to go out and get some pizza.

Anybody want any?

Annabelle, I can't get a straight answer out of your mother. Would you please

explain some of what happened today to me, please?

Look,

did I or did I not?

Into the water.

Well, yes and no.

Great, great.

You're just like your mother.

Thanks.

Mom, Boris and I are going to go to the beach tomorrow.

Can you drop us off?

Why, sure.

Why, that's very nice.

I could do it.

I've got to go in and get started on my Japanese motorcycle campaign.

What am I going to do while everyone else is busy?

Tomorrow's Saturday. You ice skate, right?

I love ice skating.

Sometimes I'd wait for months. You get all the fun stuff to do, Dad, like kite

flyers and ride motorcycles.

Hey, look, as long as we're comparing Saturdays, I'd like to be in your shoes.

And I'd rather be you.

Bill, I wouldn't pursue this any further if I were you. You would not want to

change places with Ben, believe me.

Yeah, you don't want to change places with Dad over there.