Original subtitles

Don't you feel the summer sun now calling out to you?

Take a walk on the wild side of life.

Don't waste your time cruising the city streets.

There's someone waiting for you.

You won't believe what you've been missing all along

Take my hand

two sandpaper for the spackling. I totally agree.

Mrs. Patterson and I had moved on to a discussion of proper technique with the

paintbrush.

I knew that, Mr. Patterson.

Chester?

Chester, Mrs. Patterson and I will be returning on the 17th. That's not a long

time. We trust that you and your friends understand the amount of work involved

here. Oh, we do, Mr. Patterson. We do.

Now, just a few more thoughts on vertical versus horizontal brush

When using an oil -based paint, the vertical stroke, no more than eight

in length... Wendell, I think you mean horizontal for oil -based.

No, dear. I recall very plainly Mr.

Wilson down at the paint store telling us... Mr. Wilson was a nice man at

land, Wendell.

Mr. Cummings was the gentleman at the paint store.

I'm afraid you're mistaken, Martha.

I distinctly remember Mr.

Wilson telling us that in his youth, he had used that particular brush stroke

technique. Whoa.

Look at that time.

Don't you two jet setters have a plane to catch?

Yes, sir. We've got three hours. Three hours?

To LAX?

Maybe Chester's right, Wendell. If there's one thing I know, Mrs.

Patterson, is traffic.

We'd all be heartbroken if you missed that big bird, Italy.

Greenland, Chester. We're going to Greenland?

Greenland?

Right. Boy, do I envy you.

Now, don't worry about a thing. By the time you get back, me and my friends

have this place looking new.

Your father said we could count on you. My father speaks the truth.

Now get out of town, you two!

I just hope we're doing the right thing, Martha.

Don't worry, Wendell.

Chester and his friends seem like fine, responsible young adults.

You see my camera, Renee?

Chet, be careful. I've got all those fabrics in order.

I can't figure out where it went. What do you want with a camera anyway?

I've never seen you take a photograph in your life.

I've always admired the art of photography.

Oh, really?

And is that why last semester, instead of attending the Ansel Adams exhibit

me, you went to the monster truck rally?

It's never too late for one to begin to express their artistic sensibilities,

Renee. Chet, this is me you're talking to, okay?

Not one of your bimbos.

And I seem to recall the last time you became obsessed with your artistic

sensibilities. Beginning figure drawing, wasn't it? I find nothing wrong in

trying to capture the human female form.

Uh -huh. In stick figures?

This has really got me nuts.

Chet, I've got work to do, okay?

Maybe it fell out of my bag when we were bringing our luggage in.

Richard, my camera's disappeared.

Consider the Earth's rivers, Chet.

Okay.

It hasn't helped. I still don't know where it is. That's not the point.

I figured it wasn't. Think of death.

Death to all those rivers.

Rivers dying because of chemicals. And where do you think those chemicals come

from? I don't know. Richard, where do the chemicals come from? From factories,

Chet. The same factories that process film.

Film of the kind you're going to use in that camera you're looking for.

Thank you for that, Richard.

I do what I can.

Chet, I got a rehearsal coming up, and I gotta learn this P.

Jazz, I'm looking for my... Chill!

How dare you walk in here without knocking?

I was just... I'm trying to get ready for the beach. Do you mind?

I've already wasted valuable tanning time.

Sorry.

Thanks, Mad Dog.

You've been a really big help.

Major Fox alert, dude. Nine o 'clock.

Nine o 'clock, Gary. You were looking at three o 'clock. It's your face.

Sorry, Larry. I always forget.

See that, dude?

That chick is sending heat signals to yours truly.

Oh, wow.

What are you doing, Larry?

When a chick wants you, dude, she's not going to just walk up and sit on your

face.

She's going to play hard to get.

Fox is one of each shape.

Are you talking to us?

How would you two feel about being on the cover of a national magazine?

You really think so?

Come on, you guys are gorgeous.

Do you really shoot magazine covers?

Yeah.

I've been lucky.

Yeah. I've been known to start a few film careers.

Do you want to shoot us?

Yeah.

Sure.

We'll do it right here.

You give me your phone numbers, I'll give you a jingle when they're ready.

We'll go have some pina coladas and talk about it.

So how do you want us?

That's the way you are.

Oh, absolutely.

Big love to the channel.

That's it.

Yeah. Beautiful!

I'm getting great exposure here.

Hey,

you guys need a break or something?

How about those pina coladas?

to use that national magazine cover line that has had enough sense to take off

their lens caps.

Hi there.

Oh, hi.

You come here often?

Sure I do. I live in the house right over there.

Well, then I'm sure you want to read this.

It details over 37 deadly traumas your skin can suffer when exposed to

sunlight.

And then, of course, there's the sand, which harbors a variety of poisonous

insects, many of which carry the bacteria commonly associated with the

You guys play really loud?

As loud as we can.

Good.

Because I've been trying to buy out the guy next door for the last ten years.

Now, maybe her cell.

and everything.

It's nice, all right. What a whole month.

How are we gonna pay for it?

Well, get a gig.

We haven't gotten one yet.

Well, listen, we gotta practice some more, you know? I mean, listen, you

All we need is a few more songs and everything's gonna be cool. Now, this

my favorite.

It's also my most romantic design.

You're on the beach and it's been a long...

hot day you've got a really nice tan and you've been swimming so you feel

great alive and it's that time of the afternoon

when the light is golden and you're walking back to your blanket

and this guy who's been watching you all day comes up

maybe you talk a little

Maybe you watch the sun go down together.

You feel really good.

Warm, like the sun.

Yeah.

Tropical affair.

That's what I'll call it.

Tropical affair.

Thanks, Mad Dog.

You've been a really big help.

Look at her, dude.

Just sitting there, playing it cool.

But I know that deep down inside, that babe is dreaming about having my

children.

Do you girls have any idea what dreadful damage extended exposure to the sun can

cause? What do you take us for, morons? We're more than aware of the dangers

inherent in sunbathing, which is why we've taken the precautions of covering

ourselves with sunblock.

From head to toe. So the harmful rays of the sun can't penetrate.

To harm our tender young flesh.

Well, what about dolphins, then? What about dolphins? Mary is a marine

with a specialty in aquatic mammals.

And so if there's anything that's troubling your teensy little mind...

Rainforest. What about them?

Hundreds and thousands of acres of pristine natural timberland is being

destroyed at a rate of 50 acres per day, which is robbing our planet of valuable

life -giving oxygen and contributing to the destruction of our ozone layer.

Aluminum. Every day, hundreds and thousands of tons of aluminum cans are

shoveled into landfills where they'll remain there without decomposing for at

least 30 ,000 years.

Yes.

Perfect.

Beautiful.

So when do we find out if we're going to make the cover?

Oh, uh, it'll be a while.

You know publishing.

Bummer. You know, that happened to me once.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah, I was out of film.

I knew that.

Bummer. Listen, this is okay and everything, but if we could go back to

studio, we could do some really sexy stuff.

Yeah, I bet you could get us into Playboy.

So where is your studio, Chet?

What's going on?

What's happening, dude?

She's looking right at me.

Smiling.

She's burning up, dude.

She's making her move.

She's coming for my hot, throbbing love.

I knew she couldn't hold out.

Hey, mama.

I'm Brad.

I'm in love.

He's Larry.

He's even prettier than she is.

Chill out, dude, okay?

to go through this before you guys get it right. Take it easy, Jez.

Take it easy?

It's the same mistake every time.

All it takes is a little concentration.

We're trying our best.

Well, I'm sick of it. The rehearsals, brains on vacation, the whole stupid

thing.

Cranky, cranky, cranky. Not her fault. Look at her love life.

What love life?

Tell me about it.

If I'd been without a guy as long as she had, no telling how cranky I'd be.

You? I'd probably be out stomping on cute little puppies.

Or running over old people in my car.

I'd probably just get a gun and... Okay, okay.

Screw off, all right?

Now, are we going to play this thing or what?

Until I finish my post -doctoral studies in Europe.

I plan to settle in one of the Latin American countries where I hope to use

engineering skills to help the Native Americans.

Reclaiming their birthright in a way that will have positive environmental

consequences.

Well, you two seem to have a handle on all the major issues.

So I'll just mosey on down the beach and see if there's any slackers that might

need my help.

Nice meeting you then.

Yeah, bye.

He's the third environmentalist we've seen this week.

And so far, he's the only one we didn't sleep with.

We're such a well -informed guy. He is kind of dumb.

Dick,

what are you doing?

You ever know a photographer who didn't have a studio?

I'll let you know.

Stop the condos.

Save

our

beach. Sign here.

They're building condos on our beaches?

A thousand units, man.

Tennis courts, parking lots.

The real bummer is the mini mall.

We get enough signatures on these petitions, and we get a hearing with the

council. How many do you need?

Two hundred.

How many do you got?

Counting you, eight.

We got a wino's early this morning.

I, for one, can't stand by while our pristine beaches are being devastated by

greedy money interests.

You know, if we don't stop then here, our entire marine ecosystem will be

destroyed. And not only that, the beaches will become playlands for the

And the poor will be confined to the inner cities, festering and sweltering

oppressed. The cities will burn.

And the only consolation being is that the rich will destroy themselves in the

degenerate quest for the perfect town.

Man, you are one committed human being.

You know, if I don't start selling those bikinis soon, I'm in big trouble.

You? I just spent over 200 bucks on all this stuff.

I'm supposed to be sympathetic?

A little support of my artistic dreams might help.

You mean wet dreams, don't you, Chet?

Whatever. It's still costing me a ton of bucks.

of section C, F, and G of the city penal code.

Illegal assembly, illegal obstruction of a public thoroughfare, and in violation

of public noise abatement laws.

You are in violation of our constitutional rights as citizens of the

States of America. Without a proper permit, you have no rights of assembly.

Link arms.

Power to the people.

Come on, man. Let's go back to my pad. We'll mix up a batch.

Nice cold martinis and we'll watch the sun go down.

These are the oppressors, man.

Listen, I spent half the 60s in the slammer. I missed Woodstock.

I missed Monterey.

I don't plan on missing the 90s. Thanks.

Well, Martin Luther King, you're not.

Can't you see what's happening here?

The bashing of the baby seals.

Dolphins in tuna fish cans.

The holes in the ozone layer.

The suffering of our Native American Indians.

And now this.

It's so obvious.

Book him, Dano.

Cuff him up.

Book him, Dano.

That's Officer Bill Dano, and so help me if I hear so much of one crack out of

you, and I will personally see to it you spend 48 hours in a tank. Get him out

of here.

She knows I hate it when she says that.

So, I guess I'll see you at the party tonight.

Are you asking me out?

Yeah, sure.

Then I guess I'll be there.

All right.

No, that's okay.

Okay, then. I'll see you around.

You see, I told you that woman really wants me, dude.

You wait here, Larry.

I'll go get the Hugo.

Okay, girls, for the last time.

You busy tonight?

Hey, but I already have a date.

So?

So, be around.

Well, if you want me, you know where to find me, sweetheart.

Do you two guys know a guy named Brad?

Sure. Why?

Because I just can't find him, and I'm supposed to have a date with him.

Well, we haven't seen him.

Sorry.

I've played this song 350 times.

My fingers are so cramped, they feel like rigor mortis has set in. Come on,

Jazz, we're tired. Give it a rest.

All right, all right!

But if we don't hammer this song soon, I'm gonna lose my mind!

Oh, God, what a day.

I'll pay you back as soon as I can.

Hey, you were fighting for what you believed in. Yeah, all by myself.

I gotta get these people committed, or this beach and every beach in the world

is gonna turn into one big fat condo complex.

Okay, Richard, but you have to understand, I can't afford to bail you

jail anymore.

There must be some way to get this beach organized.

over for you.

I was just taking a little nap.

Brad, sweetie pie.

A nap, huh?

Honey bumpkin, have you seen my other earring?

I don't need this.

Come on, Cheryl, be cool.

Cheryl, don't be a downer.

Tell me something.

What is it with good -looking guys, huh?

I think that all they have to do is smile, and every girl within 100 miles

going to stand in line.

Looks like you found Brad.

No wonder that creep is going to let us pay at the end of the month. I thought

something was strange when he said he loved our music.

Did you see the look on his face when you called him a perverted slime bucket?

How about scumbag from hell?

That was a classic, Jazz.

Yeah, but the fact is that we lost our rehearsal hall.

Come on, Jazz. That dirt -sucking pig deserved everything you threw at him. We

could have showered at home.

We'd still have a place to practice.

But, as always, I had to go and lose my cool.

But it's my pool.

Oh, yeah? If you live here, then how come I didn't see you at the party last

night? I was up in my room working all night. It was my brother's party. And I

suppose now that you've seen me naked, you think you can just jump my bones,

right?

Listen, I just got this great idea for a song. I've got to get back to piano

working on it, right?

A songwriter?

Yes. Geez, what a lame line.

You really think I'm going to fall for that?

You're all the same.

If it isn't Pretty Guy.

It's lame lines.

Look, I'm sorry. Just cool down, okay?

Right. And now you probably want to give me a massage to make me relax a little,

huh?

Bud, you're badly mistaken if you think I was born yesterday.

Look.

Put it on, okay?

Oh, the perfect gentleman fit.

You think I haven't seen that one?

You need something to wear.

Oh, no fun if you can't talk me out of my clothes, is it?

I read you like a book, mister.

Because if there's one thing I know about... It's men.

If there's one thing I know, it's women.

They have to be posed very carefully to highlight every nuance.

What are we going to wear?

Huh? We're certainly not going to wear these.

Yeah, big -time photographers always have lots of neat stuff to wear.

Um...

Yeah. All right.

Stuff to wear. Where am I going to find... Stuff to wear.

Art waits for no man, ladies.

Just one second.

This nice man. They look so sweet together.

Oh, boy, oh, boy. I just had this great dream with this girl.

Chet, we're all so delighted that your sordid little subconscious made you so

happy.

Is summer over?

Or what?

Considering the fact that my bikinis were stolen?

Yes. I'd say summer's definitely over.

I suppose it doesn't much matter.

I didn't sell any anyway.

That shouldn't be a problem.

According to the girls I shot this afternoon, they loved them.

They stole my bikini? No, no, no, no. I stole it. I mean, I borrowed them.

Renee, you're a hit.

Don't try to squirm out of this. You probably gave those Barbie dolls bikinis

because you couldn't pay them.

Actually, they paid me.

I wanted to return them, but they offered me twice your price.

They really liked them? No kidding. They flipped.

I swear, if we could just find a way to show off those bikinis of yours,

you'll...

someplace and you'll sell as many bikinis as you can make.

Just where are they going to wear these bikinis when they turn our beach into a

parking lot for condos?

We'll make the contest a fundraiser.

We'll raise money to help save the beach.

Yeah. And then I can get everyone to sign the petition.

Of course, we're going to need some music.

I wonder if anybody around here knows of some Hot young band.

All right!

We're going to need contestants.

Of course, you probably don't want to enter.

No.

You don't want to spend your evening with a room full of environmentally

conscious men.

Well, on second thought, it's better that you don't enter or something like

that. I mean, the crowd would just be...

Totally uncontrollable.

Okay, okay, I'll leave her.

I don't suppose you have an angle, do you?

Me?

Organizational stuff.

Radio.

Possibly a little TV.

Maybe shoot a calendar with the contestants featured.

Media tie -ins. Merchandising tie -ins.

It's just so strange.

Like a big void or something.

And the living room looks so much larger.

I wonder where he went.

All I know is he was gone when I got up this morning.

Mad Dog went to go see a man about beer. All right, now are you two just away or

something? I cannot concentrate.

Yeah, what's wrong with her?

I'll tell you what's wrong with me.

Does this look even remotely sexy to you?

Have you tried it on yet?

No, but yeah, maybe that's a good idea.

You won't? I will.

Don't waste your time.

I'm all washed up anyway.

My mother said I should become a librarian.

Now I know she's right.

Two more years of college.

Find myself a nice, quiet little town with a stuffy little library.

Spend the rest of my life telling little brats to shut up.

A very wet old maid.

No, it's not about that. It's the bikini contest to raise money to help save the

beach. Save the beach?

What do you mean by that?

From the developers.

From the ruthless capitalist exploiters, the land bearers.

The oppressors of the working man everywhere.

With their running dogs, lackeys, and their tired political bosses driven only

by greed.

Couldn't I just enter the contest for fun?

Well...

Gosh, yes.

I guess you could.

Thanks, and listen.

If I see any running dog lackeys in the neighborhood, you'll be the first to

know.

Oh, my God.

She's coming towards us, Larry.

What are we going to do?

And I hope to see you both there.

Maybe you two could do me a big favor the night of the contest.

Sure, no problem.

Great. Just come early, okay?

And ask for Cheryl.

Thanks,

Cheryl. We'll be there.

help raise money to save the beach by exploiting the attributes of women's

bodies for the lustful cravings of chauvinistic male morons but in other

we think it's a great idea

Hi. Hi.

Oh, here's your robe.

Thanks.

Uh, listen, I gotta get back to work on this song.

Just one more thing.

There's this contest tomorrow night.

A bikini contest?

I'm in it.

And I thought if you weren't too busy, maybe... Well, I don't know.

I just thought I'd ask.

We make some kind of team.

That's great, Renee.

I thought a celebration might be in order.

My treat.

Maybe some other time, okay?

Look at yourself.

Every time you look at one of those Barbie dolls in a bikini, you get that

moronic grin on your face.

My God, Chet, you really do only have one thing on your mind, don't you?

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Five bucks and sign the petition.

Thank you. This is a very good sign.

Ted Marley Productions is proud to support the Save the Beats Foundation.

So during the course of the evening, get on over, pick up your T -shirt and your

hot bikini calendar.

And remember, for every dollar, we donate 25 cents to help save the beach.

First contestant, let's give a big welcome for Sherry!

Sherry is a fine arts student at UCLA.

Sherry, what turns you on about a guy?

I like guys who can really appreciate the beauty Mother Nature has created.

Like the beach we're trying to save here tonight.

I wonder, could there be any guys in the audience like that tonight?

contestant is Sissy.

Now, Sissy, you study law. Why's that?

So I can fight all those mean developers that want to take away our beaches.

Anybody interested in fighting alongside Sissy?

you're from Pismo

There just seems to be so much fabric.

And he lets fabric, and you'd be naked.

Maybe then I'd have a better chance.

And here's Holly, a budding young actress from Muncie, Indiana.

So when do you go on? In a while.

I wish I never entered this thing.

Come on, Joe, you look fantastic.

It's not what I mean.

Maybe if I just lost my top.

She can't do that.

Can she?

If you do not disperse immediately, I will initiate arrest proceedings.

Wait a minute.

Are you the organizer of this affair?

Yeah. I mean, I... You're in violation of the municipal penal code, section F,

paragraph 13, perpetration of a lewd and licentious display.

Wait a second here.

My bikinis are not lewd and licentious. And just who are you?

I'm Renee.

Bikinis by Renee? I design every one of these bikinis. I made them, and I

contributed to the exploitation of women.

No!

no desire to cater to the prurient interests of this...

Jail bait?

Oh, come on, lady. Give us a break.

Unless you can produce eight months of overdue payments amounting to $900.

Officers? No, wait. Hold on.

$900. The repossession papers, please.

I don't know who you are, but we don't have any money, and... Consider that

money in advance against your royalties.

Royalties? Yes, I heard you guys playing on the radio on my way down here.

You're great.

Wow, do you know who that is?

Do you?

Sure, it's Burt Hardin.

Midnight Love, My Sunshine, My Inspiration.

He's written songs for everybody.

My lawyers are drawing up the contracts now. They'll be ready in the morning.

And I want you guys in my recording studio tomorrow night.

That is, if you'll sign.

Give me those petitions. Give me those petitions.

These subversive beach buns, they're screwed on my condo project.

It's not fair.

You're the developer?

You can use the rehearsal hall for free.

Why, you... You slimeball. You dirty, perverted sleazebag.

You... You... You exploit other people.

You exploit other people and decent women everywhere.

Max, what is she talking about?

Tell her, Max.

What? I was trying to fix electrical wiring.

Right. and the hole in the wall just happened to be in the shower room, and

just happened to be peeking through it while we were taking showers.

You gonna believe this little twerp? What I may do is bring you up on some

pretty nasty vice charges, not to mention invasion of privacy and

Stop the condos! Save the beach!

Dad, shut up, you little sponge.

Section G, paragraph 2. Without a proper license, it is a felony to

sell beer or any other alcoholic beverage.

A dog?

In a business establishment, a place of entertainment.

Therefore, and hereupon, unless a proper license to sell beer is produced, I

will order this establishment closed and the arrest of the offending parties.

Well, now, just hold on a dang minute there, sweetheart.

And just who are you?

Connors. Big Earl Connors.

But my lady friends just call me Big.

Mr. Big.

I mean, Mr. Connors. You're obstructing justice here and... Whoa, girl!

I just came down here today to make things right with Mr.

Doe. I'm telling you, this boy's got the fire of a preacher in him.

Ain't nobody held Big Earl's ear for that long a spell.

Three full hours on this here bikini contest alone.

And he's got me calling up my buddies at the brewery, bringing in beer and

setting up hot bikini contests all over this great country of ours.

is a genius, and I'm proud to have him as my new vice president in charge

of worldwide marketing.

Then he showed me pictures of these two fine young ladies here, and my big

old Texas heart got to throbbing something awful.

I'm telling you, the boy's a genius.

You're obstructing justice here, Mr. Connors, and if you... Well...

this year's bikini contest, financial potential, globally speaking, I plumb

forgot to give him his license to sell beer.

Yes, sirree. Mr.

Chet's gonna be our official big -time photographer.

And whoever made these fine, upstanding bikinis, well, I... I'd sure like to

talk some business.

I need them.

Renee.

And I just want to thank you for making me realize there's nothing wrong with

feeling good about yourself.

But you folks, never mind.

You got your ecology, you got your bikinis, and you got all the beer you

on. Big on!

You folks all have a good time now,

hell. Hey, stick around for the finals, son.

I got my Learjet waiting at the airport, and my own private... waiting off at

Tahiti.

Why would I want to stick around?

Book him, Dano.

Power to the people.

Not bikini.

moment i saw you the melody just popped into my head wasn't that i didn't want

to see you again i just had to get the song written first you understand hey

richard why don't you write a song for the assistant d .a i saw the way you

looking at her ms green seems to possess admirable legalistic skills and great

pit oh my god what's today's date the 16th why

tomorrow's The 17th. You're too good for me.

The Pattersons.

They're coming home on the 17th and we haven't even started on the house.

Go, go, go.

Come on.

I know.