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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:05,670 --> 00:00:08,140 {\an8} Glowee wants to be our official sponsor. 2 00:00:08,240 --> 00:00:10,080 Are you pitching that our podcast 3 00:00:10,180 --> 00:00:11,580 become an infomercial for Glowee? 4 00:00:11,680 --> 00:00:13,650 This treatment that we’re plugging cures menopause? 5 00:00:13,750 --> 00:00:15,490 We cannot say "cure". 6 00:00:15,580 --> 00:00:17,850 Alleviates symptoms in 98% of the women who have tested it. 7 00:00:17,950 --> 00:00:18,850 Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. 8 00:00:18,950 --> 00:00:20,690 You gotta do this for me. 9 00:00:20,790 --> 00:00:24,060 It goes against everything, everything, Kris, 10 00:00:24,160 --> 00:00:25,460 that I stand for. 11 00:00:25,560 --> 00:00:27,130 We are now both fully in 12 00:00:27,230 --> 00:00:29,030 and ready to jump into those Glowee waters. 13 00:00:29,130 --> 00:00:31,570 Chief Medical Officer Dr. Shelly Felterblatt, 14 00:00:31,660 --> 00:00:33,800 were arrested earlier this afternoon 15 00:00:33,900 --> 00:00:35,470 on charges of corporate embezzlement. 16 00:00:35,570 --> 00:00:36,970 Oh shit. 17 00:01:10,400 --> 00:01:11,700 Hello? 18 00:01:11,810 --> 00:01:12,880 Hey, sorry to bother you, I know you’re busy. 19 00:01:12,970 --> 00:01:14,540 Oh no, that’s okay, that’s okay. What’s up? 20 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:16,180 I’m just calling ’cause Saffron’s asking 21 00:01:16,280 --> 00:01:18,080 to stay here another night. 22 00:01:18,180 --> 00:01:19,480 You know, actually tonight doesn’t work for me, 23 00:01:19,580 --> 00:01:22,320 there’s a lasagna in oven, so I don’t think so. 24 00:01:22,420 --> 00:01:24,020 You’re making lasagna? 25 00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:25,660 She’s already had dinner. 26 00:01:28,150 --> 00:01:29,920 Yeah. No. 27 00:01:30,020 --> 00:01:32,720 Okay, she asked if she could stay here again. 28 00:01:32,830 --> 00:01:34,230 I’m sorry. 29 00:01:35,960 --> 00:01:37,200 No, I want her to come home tonight. 30 00:01:37,300 --> 00:01:39,200 Okay. But Douglas has the car right now, 31 00:01:39,300 --> 00:01:40,370 so I can’t drive her. 32 00:01:40,470 --> 00:01:41,870 Okay, stop. 33 00:01:42,840 --> 00:01:43,940 You tell Douglas 34 00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,740 that I’m just gonna come and get her, okay? No. 35 00:01:46,840 --> 00:01:48,940 The periodical cicada spends 99% of its life underground. 36 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:51,540 Pete? Pete? 37 00:01:51,640 --> 00:01:54,110 Uh, I was just resting my eyes, I wasn’t sleeping. 38 00:01:54,210 --> 00:01:56,250 Oh that’s so beautiful. 39 00:01:56,350 --> 00:01:57,250 Are you crying, baby? 40 00:01:57,350 --> 00:01:59,820 I am, because like the little cicada, 41 00:01:59,920 --> 00:02:02,120 the little cicada, it doesn’t know. 42 00:02:02,220 --> 00:02:03,150 Yeah. 43 00:02:03,260 --> 00:02:04,460 Living underground, not knowing anything, 44 00:02:04,560 --> 00:02:06,200 just living his little best bug life. 45 00:02:06,290 --> 00:02:07,490 And then one day: Boom! 46 00:02:07,590 --> 00:02:11,090 It’s thrust up into the world and it’s all soft and gooey. 47 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:14,470 Hm, the only thing to keep him safe is his protective shell. 48 00:02:14,570 --> 00:02:15,540 And the tree to hang onto. 49 00:02:15,640 --> 00:02:16,740 - He’s got a tree. - He’s got a tree. 50 00:02:16,840 --> 00:02:18,310 But things change, you know, Peter, 51 00:02:18,400 --> 00:02:19,400 they don’t stay the same. 52 00:02:19,510 --> 00:02:21,610 And people make choices, people make mistakes. 53 00:02:21,710 --> 00:02:22,880 Oh, you’re talking about work. 54 00:02:22,980 --> 00:02:24,720 How many of those gummies did you have, sweetie? 55 00:02:24,810 --> 00:02:26,980 And their hard shell has become their prison. 56 00:02:27,080 --> 00:02:28,950 You’re not gonna go to prison, Julie, okay? 57 00:02:29,050 --> 00:02:30,290 The Glowee thing’s not even your fault. 58 00:02:30,380 --> 00:02:32,250 That little cicada doesn’t know anything either. 59 00:02:32,350 --> 00:02:35,450 But yet, Peter, that cicada has the courage, 60 00:02:35,560 --> 00:02:38,600 the courage to grow wings and fly away. 61 00:02:38,690 --> 00:02:39,820 Goodnight Julie. 62 00:02:39,930 --> 00:02:40,960 So can I. 63 00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:42,190 I can too, little cicada. 64 00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:45,600 ♪ I feel it all, I feel it all ♪ 65 00:02:48,470 --> 00:02:49,370 {\an8}Mom? 66 00:02:49,470 --> 00:02:50,600 {\an8}Hey baby, go upstairs, pack your bag. 67 00:02:50,700 --> 00:02:51,600 {\an8}You’re coming home. 68 00:02:51,700 --> 00:02:52,600 {\an8}What? 69 00:02:52,710 --> 00:02:54,610 {\an8}Go upstairs, pack your bag. 70 00:02:54,710 --> 00:02:55,610 {\an8}You live with me too. 71 00:02:55,710 --> 00:02:57,150 {\an8}I’m already, I’m in my pyjamas. 72 00:02:57,240 --> 00:02:59,010 {\an8}I don’t care that you’re in your pyjamas. 73 00:02:59,110 --> 00:03:00,450 {\an8}And you live with me too. - Mom? Mom? 74 00:03:00,550 --> 00:03:01,790 {\an8}Go get your bag. - No, stop. Are you okay? 75 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:03,480 {\an8}I’m fine, I’m fine. 76 00:03:03,580 --> 00:03:05,020 {\an8}It’s all good, it’s okay. - No, Mom. 77 00:03:05,120 --> 00:03:06,190 {\an8}It’s okay, stop, stop, stop. - Are you okay? 78 00:03:06,290 --> 00:03:07,190 {\an8} Everything okay? - Yeah, everything’s fine. 79 00:03:07,290 --> 00:03:08,220 {\an8} Dad... - Let’s see. 80 00:03:08,320 --> 00:03:09,190 {\an8}Go upstairs, sweetie. - Everything’s fine. 81 00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:10,260 {\an8} Okay. - I got her, I got her. 82 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:11,330 {\an8} It’s okay. - You’ll be okay? 83 00:03:11,420 --> 00:03:12,420 {\an8}I’m okay. - Okay? 84 00:03:13,630 --> 00:03:14,600 {\an8}Just breathe. 85 00:03:14,690 --> 00:03:16,530 {\an8}Just breathe, just breathe. 86 00:03:16,630 --> 00:03:19,000 {\an8} Just breathe. You gotta breathe, okay? 87 00:03:19,100 --> 00:03:20,600 {\an8}There you go, there you go. 88 00:03:22,200 --> 00:03:23,600 {\an8} There you go. Just breathe, okay? 89 00:03:23,700 --> 00:03:25,000 {\an8}You okay? Just keep breathing. 90 00:03:25,100 --> 00:03:26,870 {\an8}I want you to name three things that are brown for me, okay? 91 00:03:26,970 --> 00:03:28,670 {\an8}Okay, keep breathing. - Okay, okay. 92 00:03:30,710 --> 00:03:31,610 {\an8}Dirt. 93 00:03:31,710 --> 00:03:33,110 {\an8} Yeah. 94 00:03:34,480 --> 00:03:37,550 {\an8} And that’s, you’re stupid rotten begonias. 95 00:03:37,650 --> 00:03:38,850 {\an8} Yeah. 96 00:03:38,950 --> 00:03:40,350 {\an8}One more. 97 00:03:40,850 --> 00:03:42,150 {\an8}Just... 98 00:03:43,490 --> 00:03:45,890 {\an8}Dog shit that Douglas forgot to pick up. 99 00:03:45,990 --> 00:03:48,390 {\an8}Yeah, okay. - Okay. 100 00:03:48,490 --> 00:03:49,830 {\an8} There you go, yeah. 101 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:51,230 {\an8}- - Okay. - - There you go. 102 00:03:51,330 --> 00:03:53,900 {\an8}Keep breathing, keep breathing. 103 00:03:54,000 --> 00:03:55,270 {\an8}Come on. 104 00:03:55,370 --> 00:03:57,070 {\an8}I’m sorry. 105 00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:58,270 {\an8} You don’t have to be sorry. 106 00:03:58,370 --> 00:03:59,870 {\an8}Okay. 107 00:03:59,970 --> 00:04:01,710 {\an8}Look, let’s go inside. 108 00:04:01,810 --> 00:04:02,880 {\an8}We’ll just chill out and talk. 109 00:04:02,980 --> 00:04:04,520 {\an8}She should stay here. 110 00:04:05,250 --> 00:04:07,050 {\an8}Listen, I scared her. 111 00:04:12,620 --> 00:04:14,560 {\an8}She should stay with you. 112 00:04:14,650 --> 00:04:16,490 {\an8}She’s okay, Kris. 113 00:04:16,590 --> 00:04:18,030 {\an8}You are good. 114 00:04:18,120 --> 00:04:19,490 {\an8}Here, here. 115 00:04:19,590 --> 00:04:21,860 {\an8}It’s okay, here. You give her this. 116 00:04:21,960 --> 00:04:23,260 {\an8}She’ll miss this. 117 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:24,260 {\an8} Okay. 118 00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:26,660 {\an8}And tell her that I love her, okay? 119 00:04:26,770 --> 00:04:28,510 {\an8}Pew, pew, pew, pew, pew. 120 00:04:28,600 --> 00:04:29,670 {\an8}Now shut your mouth off. 121 00:04:29,770 --> 00:04:32,870 {\an8}No more words, okay? 122 00:04:32,970 --> 00:04:34,540 {\an8}Amir, thank you. 123 00:04:44,780 --> 00:04:45,350 {\an8} The Glowee scandal is blowing up. 124 00:04:45,450 --> 00:04:46,120 {\an8}Our fans are furious. 125 00:04:46,220 --> 00:04:47,150 {\an8}You know what? 126 00:04:47,250 --> 00:04:49,050 {\an8}I think we need to get out in front of it. 127 00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:50,130 {\an8}We need to issue a statement, 128 00:04:50,220 --> 00:04:51,320 {\an8}probably put it on the socials would be best. 129 00:04:51,420 --> 00:04:52,320 {\an8} Yes. 130 00:04:52,430 --> 00:04:53,330 {\an8} "Small Achievable Goals" 131 00:04:53,430 --> 00:04:55,930 {\an8}is cancelled. The show’s done. 132 00:04:56,030 --> 00:04:57,000 {\an8}I’m sorry, what? 133 00:04:57,100 --> 00:04:58,600 {\an8}We just have to walk away from this. 134 00:04:58,700 --> 00:05:00,400 {\an8}Well, just, uh, I-I got us into this. 135 00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:01,500 {\an8}Oh, no you didn’t. 136 00:05:01,600 --> 00:05:02,570 {\an8}You did. 137 00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,540 {\an8}I understand what a shock this is. 138 00:05:04,640 --> 00:05:05,570 {\an8}We are all affected. 139 00:05:05,670 --> 00:05:07,010 {\an8}Clearly, Kris is taking it harder 140 00:05:07,110 --> 00:05:08,080 {\an8}than everybody else. 141 00:05:08,170 --> 00:05:09,270 {\an8}You’re wearing pyjama pants. 142 00:05:09,380 --> 00:05:11,250 {\an8}It’s just, I woke, uh, up late. 143 00:05:11,340 --> 00:05:12,710 {\an8} This will blow over. 144 00:05:12,810 --> 00:05:14,350 {\an8} You just need to be patient. 145 00:05:14,450 --> 00:05:16,090 {\an8}And we will find something else for you both. 146 00:05:16,180 --> 00:05:17,580 {\an8}Hell no! - Sorry? 147 00:05:18,790 --> 00:05:19,760 {\an8}Amanda, 148 00:05:19,850 --> 00:05:22,250 {\an8}this show is my baby, okay? 149 00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:24,560 {\an8} And this daddy is not letting his baby 150 00:05:24,660 --> 00:05:26,900 be tossed away in the trash. 151 00:05:26,990 --> 00:05:28,490 Shut up, Evan. 152 00:05:30,830 --> 00:05:32,130 I’m sorry. 153 00:05:32,230 --> 00:05:33,130 This can’t be the end. 154 00:05:33,230 --> 00:05:34,300 Listen up, everybody! 155 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,170 Got some very exciting news! 156 00:05:37,270 --> 00:05:40,140 I’m sure you’re all aware of our little Glowee snafu. 157 00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:41,480 CEO, Glynis Goodyear 158 00:05:41,570 --> 00:05:44,010 and her chief medical advisor Dr. Felterblatt 159 00:05:44,110 --> 00:05:46,480 have been arrested on charges of fraud and embezzlement. 160 00:05:46,580 --> 00:05:48,280 Whoa. Where was I? - What? 161 00:05:48,380 --> 00:05:49,510 You were all up in your feelings 162 00:05:49,620 --> 00:05:51,160 ’cause Kris took your sound booth hostage. 163 00:05:51,250 --> 00:05:53,790 Okay, sorry, that was all yesterday? 164 00:05:53,890 --> 00:05:54,990 In light of this, 165 00:05:55,090 --> 00:05:56,190 "Small Achievable Goals" 166 00:05:56,290 --> 00:05:57,860 will record their last episode today. 167 00:05:58,960 --> 00:06:01,730 Relax, everybody, just relax. 168 00:06:01,830 --> 00:06:02,760 Nobody’s getting fired. 169 00:06:02,860 --> 00:06:04,330 We are just pivoting. 170 00:06:04,430 --> 00:06:05,730 Kris? 171 00:06:05,830 --> 00:06:06,730 You okay? 172 00:06:06,830 --> 00:06:08,470 We are going to swing the spotlight 173 00:06:08,570 --> 00:06:11,310 to Robyn and Shayna’s real-life cult story: 174 00:06:11,400 --> 00:06:12,740 "It Actually Happened To Me". 175 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:15,340 Congratulations, you are our new number one priority. 176 00:06:17,040 --> 00:06:19,240 Oh, this is an actual dream come true! 177 00:06:19,350 --> 00:06:21,320 You’re serious? 178 00:06:21,410 --> 00:06:22,750 You’re serious. 179 00:06:22,850 --> 00:06:24,350 ’Kay. 180 00:06:24,450 --> 00:06:25,650 Wow! 181 00:06:25,750 --> 00:06:26,990 I’m-I’m-I’m so sorry. 182 00:06:27,090 --> 00:06:28,630 You can’t dump our star podcast. 183 00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:30,790 Evan, I’m putting you in charge of the cult show. 184 00:06:32,890 --> 00:06:34,190 The show can’t end like this. 185 00:06:34,290 --> 00:06:36,190 It’s just that Amanda says that it’s done, so. 186 00:06:36,300 --> 00:06:37,400 I don’t care what Amanda says! 187 00:06:37,500 --> 00:06:38,400 We gotta take the show back! 188 00:06:38,500 --> 00:06:39,740 I mean, you know what? 189 00:06:39,830 --> 00:06:41,130 I could just go in the booth and I could record the episode, 190 00:06:41,230 --> 00:06:42,160 I’ll just say that it’s my fault. 191 00:06:42,270 --> 00:06:43,540 No, you’re not wearing this. 192 00:06:43,640 --> 00:06:45,080 What is wrong with you? 193 00:06:45,170 --> 00:06:46,240 We gotta fight for our show! 194 00:06:46,340 --> 00:06:47,240 We gotta come up with a plan. 195 00:06:47,340 --> 00:06:49,040 Oh, I know. 196 00:06:49,140 --> 00:06:50,210 We could sue Glowee. 197 00:06:50,310 --> 00:06:51,680 I-I don’t think that I can 198 00:06:51,780 --> 00:06:54,020 because I did everything that Amanda asked. 199 00:06:54,110 --> 00:06:55,750 Do you think that maybe you could have my back 200 00:06:55,850 --> 00:06:57,020 for five minutes? 201 00:06:57,120 --> 00:06:58,690 I’ve had yours this whole time. 202 00:07:00,620 --> 00:07:01,650 I’m just trying to be honest, Julie. 203 00:07:01,750 --> 00:07:04,120 No, you’re being a coward is what you’re being! 204 00:07:05,090 --> 00:07:06,630 I’m a coward. 205 00:07:08,290 --> 00:07:09,190 Yep. 206 00:07:11,900 --> 00:07:14,800 I’m not giving up. 207 00:07:23,080 --> 00:07:24,480 Kris? 208 00:07:25,180 --> 00:07:26,420 What are you doing? 209 00:07:26,510 --> 00:07:27,910 Nothing. 210 00:07:28,750 --> 00:07:31,020 Sorry, the sink was clogged. 211 00:07:37,660 --> 00:07:39,860 I’m sorry, Kris, you can’t just barge in like this. 212 00:07:39,960 --> 00:07:40,930 You have to make an appointment. 213 00:07:41,030 --> 00:07:43,770 I’m just still dealing with a lot of anxiety. 214 00:07:43,860 --> 00:07:45,460 I’m trying to fix it on my own, 215 00:07:45,570 --> 00:07:47,240 it’s not working, so here I am. 216 00:07:47,330 --> 00:07:50,070 Why don’t we try the anti-anxiety medication? 217 00:07:50,170 --> 00:07:52,410 Yeah? We’ll just start with a few pills, see how we do. 218 00:07:52,510 --> 00:07:54,250 I just don’t know if that’s a long term solution. 219 00:07:54,340 --> 00:07:55,410 Seems more like a band-aid. 220 00:07:55,510 --> 00:07:57,880 What I’m thinking is we could try HRT, 221 00:07:57,980 --> 00:07:59,050 that’s something that I heard about. 222 00:07:59,150 --> 00:08:00,820 If you could give that to me just to try, 223 00:08:00,910 --> 00:08:02,010 I think, uh, maybe that would help. 224 00:08:02,110 --> 00:08:03,010 Are you still bleeding? 225 00:08:03,120 --> 00:08:04,020 Yeah. 226 00:08:04,120 --> 00:08:06,220 Then I don’t think we’re ready for HRT yet. 227 00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:08,420 I don’t think that’s a good idea, um, 228 00:08:08,520 --> 00:08:09,690 and until there’s more research, 229 00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,090 I just don’t feel quite comfortable. 230 00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:12,630 So why don’t we start with the pills 231 00:08:12,730 --> 00:08:13,730 and if those don’t work, 232 00:08:13,830 --> 00:08:14,860 we can look at other solutions. 233 00:08:14,960 --> 00:08:16,090 Have you looked more into therapy? 234 00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:17,270 Still can’t afford it. 235 00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:18,560 Got it, sorry. 236 00:08:18,660 --> 00:08:21,260 Um, how about someone close to you that you could talk to 237 00:08:21,370 --> 00:08:22,270 when you’re struggling? 238 00:08:22,370 --> 00:08:24,570 A friend, a family member? 239 00:08:24,670 --> 00:08:25,800 What’s your relationship with your mother like? 240 00:08:25,910 --> 00:08:26,880 She’s dead. 241 00:08:26,970 --> 00:08:27,870 Sorry about that too. 242 00:08:27,970 --> 00:08:29,410 No, that’s okay. I mean, it’s not... 243 00:08:29,510 --> 00:08:30,880 I mean, it’s fine now. How’s your mom? 244 00:08:30,980 --> 00:08:32,480 She’s getting there. - To, to death? 245 00:08:32,580 --> 00:08:34,120 A slow march to the end. 246 00:08:36,980 --> 00:08:37,810 Whew, what a day. 247 00:08:37,920 --> 00:08:39,320 Did you come in here to yell at me? 248 00:08:39,420 --> 00:08:41,320 I’ve yelled at you enough in my head for one day. 249 00:08:41,420 --> 00:08:43,760 I call you bad names in my head all the time. 250 00:08:43,860 --> 00:08:45,130 That’s fair. 251 00:08:45,220 --> 00:08:46,920 I know I have been a thorn in your side, 252 00:08:47,030 --> 00:08:48,670 end of the day, I’m a journalist 253 00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:51,830 and I feel in my gut that our show isn’t done yet. 254 00:08:51,930 --> 00:08:55,770 I have to distance myself from this Glowee mess. 255 00:08:55,870 --> 00:08:56,940 You know what? 256 00:08:57,040 --> 00:08:58,480 I think I do have the energy to be angry with you. 257 00:08:58,570 --> 00:08:59,640 Yeah, here it comes. 258 00:08:59,740 --> 00:09:02,580 No, Julie. I want you to run the show. 259 00:09:02,680 --> 00:09:04,880 All queen of kings podcasts. 260 00:09:04,980 --> 00:09:06,110 What?! 261 00:09:06,210 --> 00:09:07,910 Why do you seem so shocked? You’re the obvious choice. 262 00:09:08,010 --> 00:09:09,510 You really do love surprises. 263 00:09:09,620 --> 00:09:11,320 Welcome to the big leagues, Julie. 264 00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:12,920 You’ll have to make decisions that hurt people 265 00:09:13,020 --> 00:09:14,590 and make you feel like a dick. 266 00:09:14,690 --> 00:09:15,760 But I think you’ll do great. 267 00:09:15,860 --> 00:09:17,260 I never thought you were a dick. 268 00:09:17,360 --> 00:09:18,290 Okay, I did think you were a dick, 269 00:09:18,390 --> 00:09:20,160 but I don’t think you’re a dick right now. 270 00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,100 In fact, I’m feeling quite warm towards you at the moment. 271 00:09:22,190 --> 00:09:24,630 Relax, Julie, I’m not giving you the company. 272 00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:27,270 I’m still gonna be your boss. 273 00:09:27,370 --> 00:09:29,640 Holy shit! Um... 274 00:09:29,740 --> 00:09:32,340 I will, of course, need some time to think about this. 275 00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:33,710 Perhaps talk to a lawyer. 276 00:09:33,810 --> 00:09:34,940 What’s to think about? 277 00:09:35,040 --> 00:09:36,540 Isn’t this all you ever wanted? 278 00:09:40,650 --> 00:09:41,550 Yeah? 279 00:09:42,920 --> 00:09:45,390 - Yes. - Yes! 280 00:09:45,480 --> 00:09:46,980 Oh. 281 00:09:47,090 --> 00:09:48,390 Can you shred that on your way out? 282 00:09:48,490 --> 00:09:49,390 - Of course. - Thank you. 283 00:09:49,490 --> 00:09:50,890 No problem. 284 00:09:54,090 --> 00:09:55,590 Robyn, get in here! 285 00:09:57,060 --> 00:09:59,600 You know, I soft-pitched this to a couple potential advertisers. 286 00:09:59,700 --> 00:10:00,770 They love it. 287 00:10:00,870 --> 00:10:02,610 I mean who doesn’t love a cult? 288 00:10:02,700 --> 00:10:04,200 Go cults. 289 00:10:04,300 --> 00:10:06,200 - Whoo! - Whoo! 290 00:10:06,310 --> 00:10:07,240 You okay? 291 00:10:07,340 --> 00:10:08,840 I can’t do this. She made it all up. 292 00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:10,180 - What? - Shayna’s story. 293 00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:11,850 It’s all a lie. 294 00:10:11,940 --> 00:10:13,840 Beginning, middle, end, lies, 295 00:10:13,950 --> 00:10:15,290 everything in between those parts, 296 00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:16,450 the daughters, the nebulas, 297 00:10:16,550 --> 00:10:18,120 every single part of it is a lie. 298 00:10:18,220 --> 00:10:19,890 Nothing is, I don’t even know what nebula is. 299 00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:21,890 Shhhhh! Be quiet! 300 00:10:21,990 --> 00:10:22,890 Be quiet. 301 00:10:22,990 --> 00:10:23,890 Do you understand me? 302 00:10:23,990 --> 00:10:25,120 Uh-huh. Shh! 303 00:10:25,220 --> 00:10:26,660 Now is not the time for truth. 304 00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:28,960 You heard what Amanda said, we are on our last leg. 305 00:10:29,060 --> 00:10:31,300 The legacy of this company is in our hands. 306 00:10:31,400 --> 00:10:32,840 And if we kill this show, 307 00:10:32,930 --> 00:10:34,770 we may as well go out there and murder 308 00:10:34,870 --> 00:10:35,770 everyone in the office. 309 00:10:35,870 --> 00:10:37,610 - Coffee? - Oh, no thank you. 310 00:10:40,170 --> 00:10:41,240 Do you wanna murder her? 311 00:10:41,340 --> 00:10:42,780 Do you want that blood on your hands? 312 00:10:42,880 --> 00:10:45,150 No, these hands, they can’t have blood. 313 00:10:45,240 --> 00:10:47,510 Congrats, you passed a good person test. 314 00:10:47,610 --> 00:10:48,780 Here’s what we’re gonna do. 315 00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,120 We are going to run Shayna’s bullshit story. 316 00:10:51,220 --> 00:10:52,120 Yeah. 317 00:10:52,220 --> 00:10:53,120 We are going to make sure that 318 00:10:53,220 --> 00:10:54,960 "It Actually Happened To Me" 319 00:10:55,050 --> 00:10:56,120 is a massive hit. 320 00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:57,250 Do you understand me? 321 00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:58,290 Yeah, I’m with ya. 322 00:10:58,390 --> 00:11:00,230 It all rests on us. 323 00:11:01,590 --> 00:11:03,390 How many times you forgotten your lunch? 324 00:11:03,500 --> 00:11:05,000 Mm, I forget. 325 00:11:05,100 --> 00:11:07,000 Wow, we’re gonna start keeping track. 326 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:08,070 Yeah, okay. 327 00:11:08,170 --> 00:11:09,270 Uh, please have a seat. 328 00:11:09,370 --> 00:11:10,640 Yeah, look at me, Mr. Important. 329 00:11:10,740 --> 00:11:14,080 I have something to ask you. 330 00:11:14,170 --> 00:11:15,070 I’m glad you’re sitting. 331 00:11:15,170 --> 00:11:17,070 Will you be my branch? 332 00:11:17,180 --> 00:11:18,080 I’m sorry, what are you talking about? 333 00:11:18,180 --> 00:11:20,620 Oh, I think this is my cicada moment. 334 00:11:20,710 --> 00:11:21,640 Your cic... 335 00:11:21,750 --> 00:11:24,220 Oh, the, the nature doc from last night? 336 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:25,790 I gotta be honest, you were tripping balls, 337 00:11:25,890 --> 00:11:27,560 so I had no idea what you were going on about. 338 00:11:27,650 --> 00:11:28,720 How do I sum this up quickly? 339 00:11:28,820 --> 00:11:29,850 The female cicada, 340 00:11:29,960 --> 00:11:31,830 she explodes out of her, 341 00:11:31,920 --> 00:11:32,990 out of her own back, right? 342 00:11:33,090 --> 00:11:34,120 Okay, just poof! 343 00:11:34,230 --> 00:11:35,200 Sexy. 344 00:11:35,290 --> 00:11:37,230 And then she leaves her husk on the branch. 345 00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:38,330 Are you asking for a divorce? 346 00:11:38,430 --> 00:11:40,230 No, Pete, you are the branch, 347 00:11:40,330 --> 00:11:41,700 but also you are my mate. 348 00:11:41,800 --> 00:11:43,540 You sing me songs and we procreate 349 00:11:43,640 --> 00:11:46,210 and then eventually, we die. 350 00:11:47,070 --> 00:11:48,070 I’m confused. 351 00:11:48,170 --> 00:11:50,210 Amanda wants me to run this place. 352 00:11:50,310 --> 00:11:51,310 Babe, that’s great! 353 00:11:51,410 --> 00:11:55,310 Also, I need my branch/mate. 354 00:11:56,280 --> 00:11:57,720 What do you think? 355 00:11:59,090 --> 00:12:02,390 I say I need to brush up on my cicada songs. 356 00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:06,060 No, that’s an elephant. ZZZZZ! 357 00:12:06,160 --> 00:12:07,160 What is a cicada anyway? 358 00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:08,960 If you’d stayed awake, you would know it’s ZZZZ! 359 00:12:09,060 --> 00:12:09,990 - ZZZZZ! - ZZZZZ! 360 00:12:10,100 --> 00:12:11,000 I’ll take some lessons. 361 00:12:11,100 --> 00:12:13,170 Okay. Saffron. Hello? 362 00:12:13,270 --> 00:12:14,670 Hey Julie, I’m so sorry to bug you, 363 00:12:14,770 --> 00:12:16,040 but do you know where my mom is? 364 00:12:16,140 --> 00:12:17,840 I’ve called her a bunch of times 365 00:12:17,940 --> 00:12:19,240 and she’s not picking up her phone. 366 00:12:19,340 --> 00:12:20,740 Okay, well, uh, tell you what, 367 00:12:20,840 --> 00:12:21,840 I will track her down for you 368 00:12:21,940 --> 00:12:23,340 and I’ll call you right back, okay? 369 00:12:23,440 --> 00:12:24,980 - Everything okay? - Yeah, just Saffron. 370 00:12:25,080 --> 00:12:27,150 She can’t, um, she can’t find Krissss... 371 00:12:30,550 --> 00:12:32,190 Well, she probably left it here when she went for lunch. 372 00:12:32,280 --> 00:12:33,780 Yeah, I guess. 373 00:12:34,890 --> 00:12:36,130 You know what? 374 00:12:36,220 --> 00:12:39,190 We kinda had a fight earlier and I was a little too harsh. 375 00:12:39,290 --> 00:12:41,030 You know, I think I know where she might be. 376 00:12:41,130 --> 00:12:43,470 - Come on. - Okay. Yeah, let’s go. 377 00:12:43,560 --> 00:12:45,400 Evan, Jamila, has either one of you seen Kris? 378 00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:46,400 - No. - No. 379 00:12:46,500 --> 00:12:47,600 No, you haven’t. 380 00:12:47,700 --> 00:12:48,800 Okay, uh, if she texts, will you, will you call me? 381 00:12:48,900 --> 00:12:50,440 I’m-I’m gonna go look for her. 382 00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:52,600 Hey, I’m Pete. - Uh? 383 00:12:52,710 --> 00:12:53,610 Julie’s husband. 384 00:12:53,710 --> 00:12:54,680 - Hi. - Hey, hey. 385 00:12:54,770 --> 00:12:55,800 - Pete, come on. - Great to meet you. 386 00:12:55,910 --> 00:12:56,880 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 387 00:12:56,980 --> 00:12:58,150 So that’s the husband. 388 00:12:58,240 --> 00:12:59,140 Good for her. 389 00:12:59,250 --> 00:13:00,380 Mmmhmm. 390 00:13:00,480 --> 00:13:03,180 It still works and I haven’t been here since Christmas. 391 00:13:03,280 --> 00:13:04,280 I don’t know, Mom, 392 00:13:04,380 --> 00:13:06,180 maybe this is where all the problems started. 393 00:13:06,290 --> 00:13:08,530 ’Cause you named me after a winter holiday, 394 00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:10,060 Kris Kringle Fine. Who’s sleeping with that? 395 00:13:10,160 --> 00:13:11,560 I’ll tell you who, a gay man. 396 00:13:11,660 --> 00:13:15,400 The doctor said I should, um, come and talk to you 397 00:13:15,490 --> 00:13:17,190 and I am ’cause I can’t afford a therapist 398 00:13:17,300 --> 00:13:18,470 ’cause you didn’t leave me enough money 399 00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:20,430 ’cause you spent it all on the goddamn bingo. 400 00:13:20,530 --> 00:13:21,770 Oh yeah, here we are again. 401 00:13:21,870 --> 00:13:24,470 Look at us, back and forth, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba. 402 00:13:24,570 --> 00:13:26,610 It’s always so awkward with you, you know? 403 00:13:30,310 --> 00:13:31,440 Sorry. 404 00:13:37,350 --> 00:13:38,280 I just came here, Mom, 405 00:13:38,380 --> 00:13:40,420 ’cause I wanted to ask you a question. 406 00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,960 I was just wondering if it was like better being dead? 407 00:13:44,060 --> 00:13:45,190 It seems like it would be easier 408 00:13:45,290 --> 00:13:47,290 it’s just like the hard part is getting there. 409 00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:53,200 You know, when you’re just going through a hard time 410 00:13:53,300 --> 00:13:55,200 and you just wanna disappear? 411 00:14:00,540 --> 00:14:03,040 And you fantasize about just 412 00:14:05,140 --> 00:14:06,640 taking a break, you know? 413 00:14:07,650 --> 00:14:09,990 And I sort of thought about like, 414 00:14:10,080 --> 00:14:11,150 "Oh, maybe I do it at home," 415 00:14:11,250 --> 00:14:12,790 but then I just think that’s a lot for those bats, 416 00:14:12,890 --> 00:14:14,260 and I thought, "Oh, I know where I’m gonna do it, 417 00:14:14,350 --> 00:14:15,990 "in the hallway in front of Becky’s door 418 00:14:16,090 --> 00:14:17,660 "’cause she screwed me over with the tap shoes." 419 00:14:17,760 --> 00:14:18,860 And I thought, "Oh, I can’t do that 420 00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:19,860 "cause she’s got those two cats 421 00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,600 "and who’s gonna be feeding those?" 422 00:14:21,690 --> 00:14:23,260 And I thought, "Okay, where is less bothersome?" 423 00:14:23,360 --> 00:14:26,130 And I went, "Oh, I know a hotel, that one’s good." 424 00:14:26,230 --> 00:14:28,270 You know that top tip that you always gave me of, like, 425 00:14:28,370 --> 00:14:29,540 wear nice underwear 426 00:14:29,640 --> 00:14:30,880 ’cause you never know when you’re gonna get hit by a bus, 427 00:14:30,970 --> 00:14:32,000 that doesn’t really hold up 428 00:14:32,100 --> 00:14:33,600 ’cause we all know you’d crap yourself in the end. 429 00:14:33,710 --> 00:14:36,280 And I think like a really firm cotton 430 00:14:36,380 --> 00:14:38,680 is gonna hold it better than like a little lacy thing 431 00:14:38,780 --> 00:14:39,980 because then you got the cleaner coming in there, 432 00:14:40,080 --> 00:14:42,050 she’s gonna see all that mess then I expect her to go home 433 00:14:42,150 --> 00:14:43,120 and feed her kids mashed potatoes? 434 00:14:43,220 --> 00:14:44,720 I do not think so. 435 00:14:44,820 --> 00:14:45,920 ’Cause the thing is, Mom, 436 00:14:46,020 --> 00:14:47,760 what I learned about being a woman 437 00:14:49,260 --> 00:14:51,000 is that you’re always the problem. 438 00:14:51,890 --> 00:14:53,060 You’re just always the problem, 439 00:14:53,160 --> 00:14:55,100 even when you’re doing everything you can 440 00:14:55,190 --> 00:14:56,660 to not be the problem. 441 00:14:57,360 --> 00:14:58,860 I miss you. 442 00:15:02,070 --> 00:15:03,370 Kris. What you doing? 443 00:15:03,470 --> 00:15:05,970 Hey Julie. 444 00:15:07,040 --> 00:15:11,280 I was just talking to my mom. 445 00:15:11,380 --> 00:15:12,280 How’d you know I’d be here? 446 00:15:12,380 --> 00:15:13,780 It’s either here or Sephora. 447 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:14,850 Hey, you wanna meet my mom? 448 00:15:14,950 --> 00:15:16,490 Marge, this is Julie. Julie, this is Marge. 449 00:15:16,580 --> 00:15:18,720 Hey Marge, big fan of your daughter. 450 00:15:18,820 --> 00:15:20,320 I think I rolled in dog shit. 451 00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:21,390 Smells like it, yes. 452 00:15:21,490 --> 00:15:23,160 - Will you help me up? - Yep. 453 00:15:23,260 --> 00:15:25,160 Oh yeah, let’s clean you up. 454 00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,730 You were right, Julie, I am a coward. 455 00:15:29,830 --> 00:15:31,070 I was angry. 456 00:15:31,160 --> 00:15:33,030 And, as I’ve learned in stupid therapy, 457 00:15:33,130 --> 00:15:34,570 which is actually quite helpful, 458 00:15:34,670 --> 00:15:37,170 when I’m angry I lash out and I say hurtful things. 459 00:15:37,270 --> 00:15:38,870 How much you paying for that therapist? 460 00:15:38,970 --> 00:15:40,270 ’Cause I got a dead Christmas tree back there 461 00:15:40,370 --> 00:15:41,340 with the same observational skills. 462 00:15:45,210 --> 00:15:46,510 You really scared me. 463 00:15:46,610 --> 00:15:49,250 I just didn’t expect menopause to kick my ass so bad. 464 00:15:50,880 --> 00:15:52,280 Julie... 465 00:15:53,220 --> 00:15:54,620 this job... 466 00:15:55,550 --> 00:15:56,550 I don’t know like it’s like I... 467 00:15:56,660 --> 00:15:58,330 I know. It really got away from us, 468 00:15:58,420 --> 00:15:59,520 it really did. 469 00:15:59,630 --> 00:16:01,930 But I think we might have an opportunity 470 00:16:02,030 --> 00:16:03,330 to take it back and make it right. 471 00:16:03,430 --> 00:16:04,700 What do you mean? 472 00:16:04,800 --> 00:16:08,740 Well, Amanda is gonna let me run things for a while. 473 00:16:08,830 --> 00:16:10,370 Oh my God, Julie! 474 00:16:11,470 --> 00:16:13,010 Oh my God. 475 00:16:13,970 --> 00:16:16,540 Julie, you’re gonna be the boss. 476 00:16:16,640 --> 00:16:17,540 I’m gonna be the boss! 477 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:18,540 Yeah! 478 00:16:18,640 --> 00:16:20,180 B-O-S-S, the boss! 479 00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:21,180 That’s right! 480 00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:23,750 Everybody in here give it up for Julie! 481 00:16:23,850 --> 00:16:25,390 I know you’re dead, do what you can. 482 00:16:25,480 --> 00:16:28,950 Yeah, that’s about the reaction the office had when I told them. 483 00:16:29,050 --> 00:16:30,820 Anyway, I was kind of thinking that, um, 484 00:16:30,920 --> 00:16:32,890 maybe we could, uh, do it together? 485 00:16:33,560 --> 00:16:34,460 Uh... 486 00:16:34,560 --> 00:16:35,590 Well, listen, just hear me out. 487 00:16:35,690 --> 00:16:36,620 We have been so focused 488 00:16:36,730 --> 00:16:38,930 on what menopause is taking from us, okay? 489 00:16:39,030 --> 00:16:40,160 Let’s reboot the show. 490 00:16:40,270 --> 00:16:41,400 It’s time to start thinking about what it’s giving us, 491 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:44,840 you know? Like, make no apologies or excuses, 492 00:16:44,940 --> 00:16:46,680 just like fuck it, you know? 493 00:16:46,770 --> 00:16:47,800 Maybe we even start looking at 494 00:16:47,910 --> 00:16:49,410 like what happens after menopause, 495 00:16:49,510 --> 00:16:50,810 like really get spiritual with it, you know? 496 00:16:50,910 --> 00:16:52,110 Yeah, why not? 497 00:16:52,210 --> 00:16:53,610 You know what you should do? You should go talk to my mother. 498 00:16:53,710 --> 00:16:55,410 She’s great at conversation. 499 00:16:55,510 --> 00:16:57,550 Hmm, I was kind of thinking 500 00:16:57,650 --> 00:16:59,620 that maybe I would interview someone else... 501 00:17:02,090 --> 00:17:03,490 Who? 502 00:17:07,590 --> 00:17:09,390 Well, I wore a thong for a whole day backwards 503 00:17:09,500 --> 00:17:10,570 and didn’t notice 504 00:17:10,660 --> 00:17:12,000 ’cause I’m so used to being deeply uncomfortable. 505 00:17:12,100 --> 00:17:13,300 If it makes you feel any better, 506 00:17:13,400 --> 00:17:14,800 I didn’t know there was a back or a front to those things. 507 00:17:14,900 --> 00:17:16,800 Thank you, Julie, Thank you for seeing me. 508 00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:18,140 Speaking of feeling seen, 509 00:17:18,240 --> 00:17:20,780 I’m not really sure how well I’ve been seeing you lately. 510 00:17:20,870 --> 00:17:22,470 I think that the irony of doing the show 511 00:17:22,570 --> 00:17:24,010 is we’re talking about all this stuff in menopause 512 00:17:24,110 --> 00:17:25,450 and what other women are going through, 513 00:17:25,540 --> 00:17:28,940 but we haven’t really been talking about us 514 00:17:29,050 --> 00:17:30,550 in an honest way. 515 00:17:31,420 --> 00:17:33,160 Well, Julie, 516 00:17:35,990 --> 00:17:37,020 I’m in perimenopause 517 00:17:37,120 --> 00:17:38,860 and I’m having a lot of anxiety... 518 00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,060 and it’s drowning me. 519 00:17:43,630 --> 00:17:46,700 And that led to depression, 520 00:17:46,800 --> 00:17:48,840 and then that led to really bad thoughts 521 00:17:48,930 --> 00:17:50,630 and I hid it from you 522 00:17:50,740 --> 00:17:52,240 and I hid it from work, 523 00:17:52,340 --> 00:17:54,280 I hid it from my family and I hid it 524 00:17:56,780 --> 00:17:58,450 because I’m scared 525 00:17:58,540 --> 00:18:01,280 and I hid it because... 526 00:18:03,750 --> 00:18:05,120 I was so ashamed. 527 00:18:05,220 --> 00:18:07,160 You have nothing to be ashamed of. 528 00:18:08,750 --> 00:18:10,450 I’m really sorry. 529 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:12,060 How can I support you? 530 00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:15,060 I love you, Julie. 531 00:18:16,830 --> 00:18:18,370 But I gotta walk away. 532 00:18:20,570 --> 00:18:22,070 Julie, I gotta go. 533 00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,800 Hi everyone, it’s Kris here, 534 00:18:25,900 --> 00:18:28,740 with a K. 535 00:18:29,840 --> 00:18:32,680 And I just wanted to say that I’m sorry. 536 00:18:35,150 --> 00:18:36,790 I’m just out here advocating for menopause, 537 00:18:36,880 --> 00:18:38,520 I can’t even take care of myself. 538 00:18:38,620 --> 00:18:40,120 Take all the time you need. 539 00:18:40,220 --> 00:18:41,350 We’re not going anywhere. 540 00:18:41,450 --> 00:18:42,380 I’ve got everything under control. 541 00:18:42,490 --> 00:18:43,520 I mean, not a controlling amount of control, 542 00:18:43,620 --> 00:18:44,920 just the right amount of control I’ve been working- 543 00:18:45,020 --> 00:18:47,120 Julie, I’m out. 544 00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,470 No, no, no, don’t. 545 00:18:53,930 --> 00:18:57,130 I need you to tell me that you love me enough 546 00:18:57,240 --> 00:18:59,480 that I can walk away. 547 00:18:59,570 --> 00:19:03,210 Kris, you can walk away from the show, 548 00:19:04,580 --> 00:19:07,720 but I’m never letting you walk away from me. 549 00:19:07,810 --> 00:19:09,210 Okay? 550 00:19:11,820 --> 00:19:13,520 ♪ Sundown in the Paris of the prairies ♪ 551 00:19:13,620 --> 00:19:15,020 Thank you. 552 00:19:15,720 --> 00:19:17,860 - See ya. - See ya. 553 00:19:17,960 --> 00:19:19,930 ♪ Wheat kings have all treasures buried ♪ 554 00:19:20,030 --> 00:19:21,370 Kill it, Julie. 555 00:19:21,460 --> 00:19:23,530 Okay. 556 00:19:23,630 --> 00:19:28,540 ♪ And all you hear are the rusty breezes 557 00:19:29,900 --> 00:19:35,810 ♪ Pushing around the weathervane Jesus 558 00:19:41,750 --> 00:19:44,490 ♪ His Zippo lighter ♪ 559 00:19:44,580 --> 00:19:45,610 Change is difficult. 560 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,790 Uh, and "The Change" is, 561 00:19:48,890 --> 00:19:51,030 it’s a whole next level of difficulty. 562 00:19:51,120 --> 00:19:52,760 It can feel overwhelming. 563 00:19:52,860 --> 00:19:55,700 And when it does, take a breath. 564 00:19:57,930 --> 00:19:58,830 And ask for what you need. 565 00:19:58,930 --> 00:20:00,230 And then, you know, 566 00:20:00,330 --> 00:20:03,830 maybe instead of getting beaten down by the waves of menopause, 567 00:20:03,940 --> 00:20:05,680 we could all learn to surf. 568 00:20:09,140 --> 00:20:12,840 Which brings me to my newest obsession, cicadas. 569 00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:14,350 Cicadas in many cultures 570 00:20:14,450 --> 00:20:17,090 are symbols of rebirth and transformation 571 00:20:17,180 --> 00:20:19,680 because they start as one thing, 572 00:20:19,790 --> 00:20:21,590 and then when the time is right, 573 00:20:21,690 --> 00:20:23,060 they become another, 574 00:20:23,160 --> 00:20:25,000 shedding their old selves 575 00:20:25,090 --> 00:20:27,760 and becoming a new, more empowered one. 576 00:20:29,630 --> 00:20:32,730 It may feel to the cicada like they’re alone... 577 00:20:36,370 --> 00:20:38,070 But they’re not. 578 00:20:38,170 --> 00:20:40,340 There are millions of us out there, 579 00:20:40,440 --> 00:20:44,080 busting out of our shells, growing wings, 580 00:20:44,180 --> 00:20:48,620 embracing our new voices and raising them in song. 581 00:20:49,850 --> 00:20:52,420 So listeners, what do you wanna sing about? 582 00:20:52,520 --> 00:20:54,420 Let us know in the comments and we’ll... 583 00:20:56,190 --> 00:21:00,160 I’ll read them out next week on our next episode of 584 00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:01,930 "Small Achievable Goals". 585 00:21:06,600 --> 00:21:13,840 ♪ Wait and see what tomorrow brings 586 00:21:18,280 --> 00:21:22,950 ♪ Late breaking story on the CBC 587 00:21:24,320 --> 00:21:29,460 ♪ A nation whispers, "We always knew that he’d go free" 588 00:21:30,820 --> 00:21:33,260 ♪ They add, "You can’t be fond of living in the past 589 00:21:36,160 --> 00:21:37,630 ♪ ’Cause if you are, 590 00:21:37,730 --> 00:21:41,470 ♪ "Then there’s no way that you’re gonna last" ♪ 43396

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