Original subtitles

♪ La da da da da da da da ♪

♪ Da da da da, yeah ♪

♪ No one on earth could feel like this

♪ I’m thrown and overblown with bliss

♪ There must be an angel

♪ Playing with my heart, yeah

♪ I walk into an empty room ♪

Da da, yeah!

Do, do, wah!

Good morning?

Yeah, it is.

Yeah, it is, the HRT finally kicked in!

Oh my God, I slept through the entire night!

Wow!

These are the same pyjamas I went to bed in

and they are still dry!

No night sweats!

I feel like I’m twenty!

Well, then tonight, we celebrate!

I’ll order in quarter chicken combos, yeah?

I’m so happy right now.

I can’t even be mad that they changed their fries.

But how do you feel about the "hard bun" situation?

- Not mad! - You’re back.

I’m back!

Oh wait a minute,

we can’t do it tonight ’cause we gotta do my work thing.

- Right. - But in the meantime...

I was wondering if you would be interested

in "doing some stuff"?

HRT Julie would like to test her new powers.

Really?

Really.

Oh!

Do you know what I’m gonna do?

I’m gonna go to the store

and I’m gonna buy some new underwear.

Oh yeah!

And I’m gonna make sure I get a nap in this afternoon

because I want all the energy left over for you.

Mmm. - Hm.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

Not later, now.

- Now? - Now.

Like now-now?

Now-now-now-now!

Wah!

Okay, Kris!

Ah, yes, good news!

We now know the cause of all of your excessive bleeding.

You have two polyps on your uterus.

And the reason for all that extra pain

is because of a cyst on one of your ovaries.

Oh my gosh!

It’s not as bad as it sounds though.

- Now we know. - Now we know!

That’s so, that’s good.

Yes, exactly. - That’s good.

Just what happens now?

So the next step is I’m gonna refer you to a specialist

and they’re gonna take over some of your treatment from there.

Okay.

The great part is you finally have an answer,

so that’s gotta feel pretty good.

Yeah, this is good.

Moving on to the next step.

Um, remember the last time I was in

and I was telling you that I was like having some feelings,

like anxiety or, you know...

It’s kind of not going anywhere

and it’s like even over small decisions,

like is it white rice, is it brown rice

that I’m gonna eat tonight?

I’m like, oh, pantyhose or a thin sock and a tall boot,

and it makes me feel like I’m a flipped over race car on fire.

It’s like I get a tight helmet

and those really weird thin socks,

so everything’s just like, you know, it’s like I’m...

like I’m choking on life and, um,

you know that feeling? - Yeah.

I mean, I’m sure, do other women do you hear?

Of course.

Um, being a middle aged woman is hard,

you know, there’s work, there’s kids.

It can be overwhelming.

These-these feelings you’re having really makes sense.

I’m not sure that it makes sense,

I don’t know that it does.

Okay, well, now we have a path forward.

Yeah, we definitely have a path forward

and I am so grateful to finally know ’cause that was...

Um, I just, I don’t know that polyps and pantyhose

sort of put out that fire.

Do, I don’t think they...

They might, but I don’t know.

Okay, here’s what I’d like to do.

Yeah?

I want you to go see the specialist,

we’re gonna start there. - Okay.

And then, um, and then if you’re still having these feelings,

why don’t you go ahead and book a follow up with me, okay?

Okay.

I am so sorry, I do have to go because I just,

I have so many people out there.

Oh, yes, I can hear. I know. Okay.

You take care though. - Yes.

- Yeah? - So I’m gonna see...

Okay, and then we’ll- Okay. Great. Terrific.

I wonder how long we’ll have to wait.

♪ I feel it all, I feel it all ♪

♪ I feel it all ♪

HRT is amazing!

That’s the word on the street.

It’s only been a couple of weeks,

but I feel like myself again!

I’m 100% happy pour vous.

And I dreamt!

I mean, okay,

the dream wasn’t great,

my teeth fell out

and I had to chase them all around my kitchen

but I didn’t wake up!

I had a dream.

I had a dream that I was climbing a mountain,

except it was a mountain of pebbles

and I thought I was drowning,

I was drowning. I was.

And I’m sinking and all the pebbles

are going in my mouth.

I can’t see, I just,

I had pebbles in all of my holes.

Oh, oh, oh, and I forgot!

The other thing, no more joint pain.

I feel like I got my mojo back.

Oh wow.

Okay, listeners, we wanna thank you

because we just hit

the 100,000 subscriber mark.

Yeah, yes!

Whoo! Whoo whoo.

I see you read my office party protocol.

Nothing like coming back to the office

after working an entire day

in the office

for an industry event.

I detect a note of sarcasm in your voice.

Mo, that is the only tone I’ve got.

Small Achievable Goals

hitting 100K subscribers

is not nothing.

Aw, this was Chelsey’s cottage cheese...

The saddest of all cheeses.

Look, we are all broken up

about Chelsey’s departure.

I mean, she told me she quit

in a VoiceNote.

Ah.

You’re gonna find yourself another curly haired weirdo.

I don’t want another curly haired weirdo.

I want Chelsey.

Oh, Kris?

Can I talk to you for a second?

Absolutely, and I wanna talk to you, 100% I do!

Let’s have a big old chat.

Okay, Evan.

Let’s chat about tonight’s party.

Amanda is gonna bring some very important people,

so this needs to go perfectly.

Yeah?

It’s been a great meeting! Bye!

Okay, and sit back down because I’m not done.

I’m gonna be so straight with you, Kris.

Good.

Amanda and I have sensed a shift.

- Okay? - Mmmhmm.

Where is the pizzazz? - I don’t know.

Where is, where’d it go?

I feel like you’re all in your head.

I’m missing that

heart-on-your-sleeve signature spontaneity.

Okay.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

You’re there. - Mmmhmm.

But are you there?

Hmm.

Well, guess what, Evan?

Tonight at this 100K party,

I’m coming in like a hot rod,

you think I mean the pepperette or the car?

What?

Exactly.

Now I’m gonna show you and Amanda tonight.

I’m going to show you exactly what I mean.

- All right! - All right!

- Yes! - Yes!

That’s it! - Okay!

That’s the old spicy pizzazz, right?

- Yeah! - You gotta bring your A game!

A plus plus, baby!

Nothing screams signature spontaneity like accessories.

Tonight, when I come in,

I’m gonna wear something like this

but maybe tighter, loads of belts,

loads of bling, loads of jewels.

Who’s coming in, the goddamn queen, baby?!

- Yeah! - Whoo!

I think I thought you were

maybe gonna change into something,

you know, business cas, but yeah.

And Evan, when I come in tonight, you know what?

I’m gonna get the party started like this.

Count me in, baby. I’ll count myself in.

- Kris. - Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah!

Kris! Kris, hey, hey!

Do you think this is some sort of joke, huh?

I’m being so serious!

We have to impress people today!

We have investors, potential advertisers-

Evan, I see you and I promise you,

I’m gonna do everything it takes to stay ahead of the curve

and keep my job.

So you’re gonna change?

Do, do, hey Kris, do, do, do, do.

How’d your doctor’s appointment go?

Oh, look at me, I’m remembering things!

Yeah, it’s good.

I have a path forward. I’m moving forward.

And you’re back on the horse? By horse I mean, Pete.

Yeah, not to be all TMI about it,

but we fooled around.

It was great, everything worked!

- Yeah. - Yeah, yeah!

Oh, oh.

I’ll see you at the party thing.

Keep going.

No, no, you are fixed!

Everything works now.

This is not happening.

Oh.

Excited for the party tonight?

Ha, uh, if by excited you mean "obligated",

then, yes, yes I am.

I put a lot of work into organizing tonight, Julie.

And Amanda is gonna finally see me

as the producer I know I am.

So if you two are not here,

I will come to your homes and drag you here for a good time.

Geez, someone is grumpy today.

New boyfriend keeping you up?

We only had sex three times last night,

I’m a little wound up.

Three times?

These days the pod and I are lucky to do it

three times a week.

Wait, you have sex with three people three times a week?

Oh no, sorry, uh, bad math.

So there’s primary, secondary, tertiary.

That’s one times three times two times three, which is 36.

Okay, I get the idea. - Okay.

Just so you guys are aware,

I also, uh, am a sexual person and I had sex this morning.

Julie, we’re at work. TMI.

Why is it TMI when I say it?

Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re old.

Look, anything you guys can do, I can do.

I’m gonna join the three times club.

I’ve already got one under my belt

and I’m gonna hit two and three today.

Okay.

Did you pull something?

No, I’m Gen X. I’m walking it off.

Don’t break a hip.

Oh, you forgot your bubble water!

Oh my gosh, that’s so hot!

Hey everyone, you having a good time?

Ugh, just sec...

Oh yeah, I’m having a great time.

I love parties. Fuck...

I love parties!

I’m like, Julie, what’s...?

Yay, everyone! Hi! I’m...

Just do another entrance

and be a person in the world

that knows how to enter a party.

Do it! Go!

You have to leave to go in and this,

and just maybe a twirl, yeah, hey!

Hi, I’m normal!

That is a dead giveaway!

Cut! Ugh!

You just gotta bring this all together.

You don’t have anxiety or any passive thoughts

about not wanting to exist anymore?

You’re a pepperette with a bunch of belts.

Less belts or maybe more belts.

Yo! Me and my mom, ugh!

That’s it, yeah!

You are a flapper!

As soon as you say flap, the party’s fuckin’ over.

Do not say flap!

You can do it.

Think about your life

and all the things that you’ve done right.

This is, this is...

Hey, partner. Fuck!

Oooh!

Okay, you’re gonna go back to basics.

Oh God, you look like Steve Jobs.

Kris? It’s Yule,

the new property manager.

I just wanted to return this.

Oh, you didn’t eat any of my "thank you mammogram" soup.

♪ It was split pea! ♪

I loved it. It’s just my mother always said

it was bad luck to return an empty food container.

It’s Hamburger Helper.

I’m not a very good cook.

I love it.

I love crumbled meat ♪ and things from a box! ♪

Yeah, me too.

Yeah.

Okay, well, I’ll see you later.

Okay, see ya. - All right.

Thank you so much!

Actually, do you have a minute?

Or are you going to like a ballet rehearsal or?

Oh, no, no, I just, uh, just this, this old thing?

I was getting ready for, um, a party.

I just have a lot of pizzazz, you know?

Okay, I’m sorry, I should probably go anyway,

I forgot to eat today, so.

No, no, did I just hear you say you haven’t eaten?

Because you gotta eat ’cause you just brought,

that would be silly. We’re eating together.

I-I-I... Could you...

You heat this up and then I’ll get ready right quick.

Okay, here, you know how to use the microwave.

Hello, Pete.

Hey, what’s this? We-

Shhhhh.

HRT Julie is ready for round two.

Whaddya say?

Oh, what now?

- Mmmhmm. - Oh, babe.

To be honest, I’m still tender from earlier.

Well, who isn’t a little sore right now?

Are you in pain?

It’s no biggie. It’s like, you know, it’s like that thing

when you go to the gym and you haven’t been for a while

and you work out really hard

and then you’re a little sore after.

Delayed Onset Muscle Soreness?

Yeah, DOMS.

I got DOMS of the vagina, but I’m just gonna push through.

Yeah.

What’s going on with you?

Hmm, what isn’t going on with me?

Right. It seems like you’re trying to prove something.

Hmm, no I’m not.

We gotta go though.

Tonight is about celebrating you.

That is exactly what I’m trying to do.

Julie?

Mmmhmm?

Okay, this, this doesn’t feel like you and me.

You know, it feels like you’re in the second leg of a triathlon

and I’m your bike.

No, look, I understand.

No, no, Pete, you are understanding,

but you don’t understand and I...

I feel so lonely in this.

Maybe because you always try and solve everything yourself.

Well maybe because if I don’t nothing ever gets done.

Okay, enjoy the party.

Well, enjoy staying home.

With your quarter chicken dinner

and your shitty hard bun.

Hey, Mr. DJ, do you take requests?

No!

Whoo, that’s a vagina over there.

Portobello slider? - Oh, uh, sure!

Hey, isn’t that you on that wall there?

You produce one of these podcasts?

Oh yeah, I do, well, or I did.

I’m in between podcasts right now, so.

What kind of podcasts do you produce?

Um, true crime.

Love true crime. - Oh yeah?

You know, I just find that kind of thing cozy.

Maybe because of what happened to me.

I, um, grew up in this community,

really tight knit,

pretty satanic.

I guess you could call it a cult.

Anyways, I got out eventually.

Narrowly.

Oh, what am I doing?

Talking your ear off, boring you with my childhood.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.

You know, um, first person narratives

are very popular right now.

This could make a really good podcast.

Oh, I don’t know.

I mean, I am the first person I know to make it out alive.

Wow.

Wow.

Hi.

I’m pretty excited for this party tonight

’cause love a work party.

Great. Um, I got ya a fork and a spoon

’cause I didn’t know which you’d prefer.

Would you like to have a seat?

Yeah, I’m gonna sit, yep.

I’m gonna go with the spoon.

Okay.

Oh my hair, geez.

Sorry, it’s all in the, that’s not...

I got it.

Thank you.

Are you sure you’re feeling up for tonight?

Yeah. I’m gonna tell you who isn’t though...

my friend Anna.

She used to be like the life of the party,

but she’s... she’s not anymore.

What’s going on with her?

Just like... like lots.

She’s just like really struggling right now, you know?

Everyone’s just like, "Oh my God, Anna,

"What’s wrong with you?"

And they’re like, "You’re so different now,"

and I just want it to stop.

Yeah, I know what that’s like,

just wanting it to stop.

I don’t mean make it stop for me,

I mean, like make it stop for-for Anna, for her.

Yeah.

You seem like a really good friend.

I love this, what did you put in here?

Did you put in some tomato sauce?

What’s going on here?

I love-I love meat. What did you put in here?

Maybe she should just stay in, like skip the party.

I was like your friend Anna for a really long time.

But what I learned is that,

if I’m... struggling,

then it’s okay to pause

and it’s okay to ask for help.

And those two things were really, really, really hard.

Sor-sorry.

I, I really wish that Anna was here

because I would tell her what you said,

that would help her a lot.

Do you think this outfit has enough pizzazz?

I think it’s the pizzazz-iest.

I’m gonna walk you to that party.

Okay.

At the risk of sounding like a weirdo

and giving you a compliment,

this is a pretty amazing party.

What are you doing hiding in here?

I got a text from Amanda.

She’s still in LA on business.

I went all out to impress her

and she doesn’t even show up.

Where’s Kris?

I was gonna ask you the same thing.

I don’t know.

God, so much for pizzazz.

Mm.

While I have you...

Mmmhmm?

Your, um, HRT stories are really gaining some traction

in the comments.

Maybe we, uh, keep going with this

and do a few more podcast episodes.

I don’t know.

You know, I thought it was gonna fix everything,

but it doesn’t.

I had a huge fight with Pete tonight,

which is why I’m here solo,

drinking with my work husband,

who I also constantly fight with.

I’ve been there before.

Really?

Yeah, one day you are just crushing it at work.

The next day you walk through the door

and all your shit’s packed up in boxes and you are alone.

Well, I... I don’t think Pete and I are there yet.

I mean, nobody thinks that they’re there

until they’re there.

Hey, you want another little bloop?

Yeah, bloop me.

♪ Come on, come on, come on, come on ♪

Evan!

Evan! Evan!

Evan, Evan, Evan, Evan, Evan!

- Hey. - Just tell him!

Tell him, tell him your thing!

Tell him! She’s gonna tell you a thing!

I escaped from a cult.

Eeeeeee!

I think I have a new podcast!

Could be a multi-season series?

I don’t know about podcasts, you guys know about podcasts.

Yeah, I like that.

And we could find your family.

Or, um, what’s left of them.

That is, that’s dark.

Yeah.

I like it. - Right?

There’s this creepy element to it.

Who are you, you know?

Who is she?

I’m gonna text Amanda, I’m gonna let her know.

I think she’s gonna be really... excited.

She’s gonna love it!

- Hey. - Hey.

So how was your night?

Terrible.

Yeah, mine too.

You wanna talk about it?

No.

Do you wanna talk about it?

No.

Wanna kill some things?

- Yeah. - Yeah, all right.

Actually, uh, I’m gonna grab a bubble water.

You want one? - Oh, here.

Ew, Mom!

- What? - That’s gross!

Just grab a straw!

Well.

All right, this is it.

Thank you.

Welcome.

See ya!

You good?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m good! Oh me? Yeah, I’m good.

I just was like...

like practicing my like...

I have to warm up my dance moves before I go in.

Hey?

Yeah, yeah. I’m just dancin’.

Don’t...

- Hey. - Yep?

It’s too fast.

Yeah, yeah.

♪ All the things I do

♪ Are just probably you ♪