Original subtitles

Hey!

How come you’re awake?

Oh my God, night sweats.

I gave up after the eighth one

and came down here to look at old photos.

I remember this, I was nursing at the time

and I was losing my mind on mat leave.

So I asked my boss Michael if I could come back to work

and bring you.

Wait, I went to work with you?

Oh yeah, for three days.

And you screamed all day and then I screamed all day,

and then the whole office screamed to send us back home.

It was amazing.

Well, I won’t scream today.

You forgot.

No I didn’t!

Yeah, I did, I wanna, I just, I’m sorry,

I’m so tired, remind me?

My media arts group is coming to your work after school today

to learn about podcasting.

- Oh, oh, ah. - I’m screwed!

No, no, no, no, no, no,

you’re not screwed, you’re not screwed.

Okay, um, you’re coming with your project group and-

And try out the equipment?

Yeah, absolutely, sure, I got you.

Thanks, Mom. - Ooh, oh.

A little slimy.

Yeah, I’m quite damp.

♪ I feel it all I feel it all ♪

♪ I feel it all ♪

Come on, Kris, you can do it.

And, ah, ooh, ooey.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ow. - Uh, Mom?

Why is your boob in the waffle maker and

what are you doing with my charger?

Okay, listen,

so Mom booked all her appointments in one day, yeah?

So she doesn’t get in trouble at work.

So basically, I’m getting some blood work done,

I’m getting an ultrasound,

and I’m getting a, whip, boob,

a mammogram,

it’s my very first one. But I gotta practice

so I don’t barf at the clinic

’cause when Momma gets nervous,

she pukes everywhere. - You puke.

Maybe I should just come with you.

Oh, someone’s at the door.

Momma’s gotta put her sweet tight Eggos-

- Mom, shh! - I’m joking!

Just don’t open the door until my boobs are away.

Hi, ooh, uh... - Oh my gosh.

Hey, hey, hi, hi, hi, hi, hi.

Hi, uh, my name is Yule.

I am, uh, I’m, uh, the new property manager.

Hey, I pawned those tap shoes a month ago,

so I know what is happenin’ here.

Is this Becky from 103 below me?

You tell her, I’m just walkin’ here.

I’m not tapping no more,

she took that away from me, okay?

Yeah, I’m just trying to tell all the residents

that maybe they should keep their windows open

while we work to control a, uh,

smell problem.

Oh, my sweet Lord above,

it smells like a cabbage took a dump out there.

Is the garbage chute

is that all bunged up or something?

No, sadly, uh,

one of the tenants on the seventh floor

was found to be deceased.

Oh my God, it’s terrible!

He must have been rottin’ a while

’cause I can smell him seeping through-

Yeah, well, most of the smell, uh, luckily,

was contained to the ensuite bathroom.

An ensuite?

So that’s probably normally,

when those happen in those rooms,

and-and those are nice ones...

Is that like a two bed?

Is that a two bed unit?

Yeah.

Well, in light of the tragedy, it’s probably, um...

It’s probably available.

Uh, he just died.

Well, he didn’t just die, did he, honey?

’Cause we can smell him, right?

Honey, listen, why don’t you go get ready?

Go get ready.

Yule is it?

Uh, yeah, uh, like the log.

Listen, I got a teen daughter sleeping on a goddamn sofa bed.

I need a two bedroom desperately.

Now, I don’t give a crap about terrible odours.

I’m an expert at getting B.O. out of secondhand business wear.

Do you understand me?

Uh, maybe I-I should just give you my number.

Yeah okay, put it in me!

On me, I’m mean, put it on my phone.

Okay, and, uh, then you can text me...

Mmmhmm.

And I can tell you when you should submit an application.

You know what I’m gonna do?

I’m gonna make you my number one priority contact,

you understand?

That’s exactly what I’m gonna do

because I don’t wanna miss a call from you.

Now, listen, it’s terrible about the man upstairs,

but it really worked out in my favour.

Can I ask you one more question?

Do you get a break on rent

or just to compensate for the creep factor?

I don’t know, I’m just new.

Uh, but for you, I will, um, ahem, ask for you.

- Appreciate it. - Oh, uh,...

Oh, I didn’t even know I did that, so.

It’s okay.

Beh.

Oh shit!

Oh...

Ah!

Why is there never any paper towel in this place?

Hm, guess this’ll have to do.

Uh, what’s with all these post-its?

Reminders.

I am not sleeping very well

and I’m experiencing a bit of brain fog.

Oh my God, I hear you, girl.

Hey, any top tips in there

about how to get rid of a corpse smell?

Will answering that make me an accessory to murder?

I don’t-I don’t know.

Activated charcoal,

and no, unless you’re privy to the murder beforehand.

Any chance of foul play?

Uh, no clue.

But Saffron and I really, really want that apartment.

That sounds like a motive.

Where are you going with all that salad dressing?

My salad dressing, my business.

Anyway, my doctor, Dr. Brenan, we just-we just love each other,

she ordered me a bunch of medical tests.

I’m gonna do them all in one day,

and that way I don’t have to take any more time off work

and I’ll be back in time for the episode.

Oh, okay, about that, actually.

Uh, Oliver’s media arts group is coming in today.

I totally forgot, it’s so not like me and...

Oh my God.

What?

Today’s episode is on breast tenderness!

Ugh, I can’t talk about that in front of teens.

Julie, don’t worry, teens love me.

You know why? I can break dance.

Breast tenderness, hard to swallow,

but you know what isn’t hard to swallow?

The robot,

they love this.

Yeah, you know what? Uh, that’s okay.

I think what I’ll just do

is bring them into the podcasting booth

and let them fool around with the recording equipment.

Not that it makes any difference to me,

but did you run that idea by Larry?

You know how fussy he is about his gear.

Well, you know,

I have known Larry longer than you’ve been alive.

I’m sure it’ll be fine.

Cool brag.

Later, boomers.

Gen X!

Hello mammas!

Get in here!

Hey, hey!

Kris, you like outfits.

Julie, I don’t know what you like, but come, sit.

Okay.

What if aging was a lifestyle?

What if you could eat, sleep, thrive, shop,

just be in a sisterhood of women just like you?

What if science could take you there?

Renowned scientist Dr. Shelley Felterblatt

has a way to stop aging in its tracks,

Flow with Glowee.

Glowee has the potential to change menopause as we know it,

and they want you to be a part of that.

I’m sorry, I’m just, I’m a little lost.

I’m lost.

Glowee wants to be our official sponsor.

They think there’s a fun partnership with our podcast.

Okay, but isn’t Glowee the brand that poisoned Kris?

Well, that was user error.

Kris could poison herself with anything.

That’s true. I’m havin’ a minute.

Okay, so are you pitching

that our podcast become an infomercial for Glowee?

Oh my God, I love that one with them knives.

Oh, they show it late at night

and they cut a shoe and a nickel,

and afterwards they cut a tomato, you know that one?

Let me get this straight,

there’s like a lack of medical research for menopause

so you’re suggesting that we use that fact

to exploit women who are suffering

and therefore will try anything to feel better, is that?

You make it sound like a bummer.

You know what?

I made some calls too

and I actually have a wonderful list

of many, many potential clients

that are very willing to work with us

and they have real tactile products,

tried, tested and true.

Look what we have here.

Meno-poo, an all natural shampoo for perimenopausal women.

Yeah.

Meno-Slacks? Denim-like shaping pants

for women of a certain age.

Oh, here’s one, here’s one.

Meno-Cola: fun non-sweetened flaxseed drink

for the older gals...

Yeah, they got six flavours.

It’s great.

Oh, Menopause Lawn Care Service.

I didn’t know I needed that.

Seriously?

Well, just think about it, you know.

I am not willing to think about sacrificing our audience

or the integrity of our very intelligent podcast

in order to sell meno-junk.

I gotta go, I have work to do.

I gotta go because I work with her.

Hold on, just I can’t for one sec.

Wow.

Larry, just the guy I wanna see.

Wow, no one ever says that to me.

My son’s media arts group is coming in today

and I thought maybe we could take them into the booth,

give them a feel for the equipment.

Nope.

But you love talking about your equipment

and I am offering you a captive audience.

Yeah, this studio is full of specialized equipment

worth thousands of dollars.

Okay, well, I didn’t think it was dino dig

at the museum, Larry.

I will be there.

If any of those teens

puts their dirty little teen fingers on my soundboard,

I will be forced to call my very litigious union

and they will come down on you

like a sandbag on a c-stand.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, okay, okay.

I’ll just figure out something else to do with the teens.

No one’s gonna touch your de-esser

or your es-d-er or whatever it’s called.

How dare you try to upstage me with your flea market meno-crap!

Hi, sorry to interrupt, am I interrupting?

Yes!

I just wanted to let you know that I found a doctor.

♪ Hallelujah ♪

Yeah, okay.

And like a fairy godmother,

she has granted me three lab appointments,

which in an effort to have minimal impact

on my very important job,

I was hoping I could do them back to back.

Thank you.

I really appreciate you coming to tell me.

It feels nice to be respected.

You know, ’cause earlier I felt, um,

a little attacked by Julie.

You saw that, right Evan?

Like a shark.

I wasn’t expecting this Glowee partnership

to cause such animosity.

You know, all I want is the best for us.

Oh, yeah yeah, me too.

So no one’s mad? Yay?

Okay, we’re good? Let’s hug it out.

Yeah? Okay, great!

Here.

Glad we could all work that out.

Oh. Yeah. Ha.

It’s too bad Julie hates that Glowee partnership idea.

I don’t think that Julie hates the idea, per se.

Oh, so you think there’s

still a chance she’ll come on board?

I don’t know.

You think and feel

that she might still be thinking about it?

That’s a relief.

I’ll tell Glowee.

You’ll tell Glowee?

Okay, I’ll tell Glowee.

Have a good time at your appointment.

Be back at 3:30.

Yes. Good luck.

That’s a relief.

The studio is booked for 3:30,

but I just saw Kris leave for an appointment.

Will she be back on time?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, come on in.

Close the door.

You would not believe the day that I’m having.

Oliver’s class is coming

and I can’t talk to teens about sore boobs

so I have to come up with a whole new topic for the podcast-

And you got a stain on your shirt!

Ugh.

Guess I don’t need this post-it anymore.

Mm-mm.

What the?

Oh, what is this?

Thank you.

Don’t let Amanda see this.

No, no, no, no, no!

This is not a storage locker for meno-junk!

Shhhhhh!!

- Meno-whiskey? - Ah!

I am so angry right now, I can’t even see straight!

You know, anger is your superpower.

You’re right, Jamila.

Thank you!

Angry brainstorming, here I come!

Meno-whiskey.

Oh yeah, okay, um...

Hey! Hello.

I’m sorry I’m late, I’m Kris Fine.

I’m just coming from a transvaginal.

Had the old front hole probed.

That was intense.

And then I’m here for some blood work.

And then later on I’m gonna get my,

eh, I’m getting my breast smashed.

Welcome to the sausage factory.

Actually, I should say, ’cause I’m a girl,

The Taco Hut.

Oh, you could fill that out over there.

Over there, okay.

Nice talking, I’m sorry. - Yeah.

Julie, some teens are looking for you!

Oh no!

Crap, I’m screwed.

Okay, think Julie, think.

Think.

Mmmmm!

Okay, here we go.

Pretty cool, right?

Hey Mom, you ready?

Everyone’s stoked.

Um, there’s been a slight change of plans though,

the equipment’s off limits.

What?!

Yo, what’s up?

I already told everyone

we were gonna eff around with the mics!

Hey, don’t say eff, all right?

I still got this. I’m a pro.

Don’t worry. - Okay.

Hi everyone, I’m Julie.

I’m Oliver’s mom.

Does anyone have any questions about podcasting?

Oh yeah.

When do we get to use the equipment in the booth?

Okay, easy, Scooter.

You can’t just jump in there

and start with the equipment, all right?

First of all, you have to have very clean hands.

Second of all, you gotta work your way up, okay?

It’s like "Karate Kid," have you ever seen that?

You know, "Wax on, wax off."

Whack off?

Dude, your mom just said we have to whack off

to use the equipment.

Oh, I have a question.

How does this very intelligent podcast make money?

By providing intriguing content

that our listeners can trust.

Ah, merch?!

Oh, you mean like, um, something to sell to your audience?

That is interesting.

Something to think about.

Okay, does anyone else have any questions?

Anyone? Nope, not you.

Well, hello!

I’m here for my mammogram!

Uh, you get to keep that on.

Thanks. Sorry. Thank God.

I was just trying to show you how prepared I was.

Okay, great. - Oh okay.

This shouldn’t take long.

That’s where we’re gonna?

Yeah, is it your first time?

No, no, no, it’s not my first time.

I practiced this morning in a waffle iron,

so I’m pretty good. I’m ready to go.

I’m not afraid. - Okay, great.

Let’s just get you to stand in front of the machine.

Did you spray it with PAM first? - No.

Did you see what I did there? Telling jokes, you know why?

Because I’m confident and I’m not nervous about this at all.

Okay.

Just a little casual time here, just you and me, okay Denise?

I, uh, I don’t know what you got going on here.

But you know what?

Here I’ve got a couple of firm healthy apples, real tight.

I’m talking a red delicious.

You ever sink your teeth into a crunchy red delicious?

You know what I’m talkin’ about?

I prefer berries.

Now I don’t know what these other women are coming in with,

with them rotten apples,

they want a bit of a squish, but these are fucking coconuts.

Please, Kris, just stand in front of the machine-

Well, whoa, okay. That’s fine.

I’m gonna stand right in front of the machine.

Yeah, we just, look, they’re gonna go in here,

this is gonna close.

How small is this is gonna get?

It gets pretty small.

Like this small? - Uh huh.

Smaller? - Uh huh?

It’s going smaller? - Uh huh.

You kidding me right now? - Uh uh.

I have to fit my breasts in this?

Uh huh.

- And then it stops. - I could fit my tongue in here.

Nope, I wouldn’t do that if I were you.

I just did it. Oh my God, that tastes-

- I just wanna lick. - Okay, you know what?

Kris, please just- - You know what?

If I do, you know what? If I lube it up,

if I lube it up it’s gonna slide right in there.

You don’t need to. - Oh my God, okay.

Okay, both arms. You got this.

Deep breath. - I got this.

Oh my God, Denise.

Gonna get you to move in a little bit closer.

Not-not back up, okay?

We’re gonna turn your head a little bit, okay?

Take a nice deep breath.

I’m just gonna adjust your breasts on the shelf.

No, did you just? You just get-

And I’m gonna close it.

Now big deep breaths.

- Oh my God. - Try to stay still and relax.

Denise, Denise, Denise! No, I gotta pull out!

- Oh my God! - Don’t pull out!

Kris, don’t pull out, just stay where...

As you know our podcast is about menopause,

which is kinda like a second puberty,

which is something I’m sure that all of you,

uh, some of you,

maybe not you, sorry,

can relate to that.

Uh, so what is puberty?

It’s hormones,

it’s-it’s changing bodies, um...

Does anyone want to, um, share any stories about puberty?

Okay, well, you know what?

I’m having a day, I can go first, um...

Real talk, I’m tired.

Today I’m very tired.

Moody, oh yeah, I’m moody.

And acne,

I’ve got a big old zit.

Anyone else relate? Anyone?

Oh, surprising.

Great! All right.

Oh hey, what about this?

Does anyone ever have brain fog?

That’s a big one.

We have excess sweating, I’m doing that right now.

The struggle is real.

Facial hair, I got a little moustache,

some of you do too.

What else? Oh.

And a body odour,

Bit whiffy in here, guys, bit whiffy.

All right, problems with, woo, authority.

Stupid Amanda.

Okay, how ’bout these?

Oh my God, Mom!

So embarrassing.

It’s so bad.

That’s so bad, dude.

That’s more painful than I thought.

Oh, sorry, passed out.

Oh.

Oh my God.

Did-did ya get the other boob?

Oh, I’m not sure. Uh...

She’s wondering if you got the other breast?

Uh, no.

No.

She’s gonna have to come back.

Oh, you’re gonna have to come back.

What are you doing here?

Uh...

Oh, luckily your, uh, phone was in your back pocket,

so we were able to reach your priority contact.

My priority, okay, oh no.

Oh my God, oh no, oh no, oh no!

No, no, no, no, no, no! They just-

Hey, they just said you were in some level of distress.

They did? That is so weird ’cause I’m absolutely fine.

Look at me, hello, I’m fine, bye!

You don’t need a ride home?

Oh my God, are you kidding me?

I brought my 10-speed, it’s so nice-

No, I’m gonna drive you home, okay?

You just take as much time as you need.

I’m just gonna wait outside.

Can I help you up?

Oh, I don’t feel so good.

All right, one, two, three.

Ah, oh, just no. - Okay, no, okay.

I got ya.

Fan your hands out. Fan your hands out, sir.

- Okay. - Okay.

The paper’s on the-

Denise, can you put it in the, put it in the, put it in the...

- Okay. - Okay.

There, you good? Everyone’s good?

- Okay. - Okay, see you later.

Denise, thank you so much.

- Thanks. - It was lovely meeting you.

Yeah. Oh- Thanks, Denise.

Keep to the right, keep to the right.

Oh, no, no, no, our class is not dismissed!

Teens back in!

Want the teens back in

because I know a thing or two about tender breasts.

Do you guys like breakdancing?

’Cause look what I...

Man, this menopause shit is rough!

Julie?

Julie, I’m sorry I’m late, it’s just that I passed out.

And then I passed out again and then I barfed a little.

Listen, can I ask you a question?

Do my tits look longer than before?

It’s over.

Oh.

I take it it didn’t go well?

Ha. It really didn’t. You-

I got vomit on myself.

I’m just gonna have to borrow a shirt later.

Mmmhmm. - Okay.

Totally.

I could use a drink, you?

Yeah, yeah, that’s a good mix, vomit and whiskey.

Yeah.

Oh, Julie, I’m gonna lose my job.

This is the third recording I’ve missed.

Fourth, actually. We didn’t record today.

Oh yes, you screwed up too.

That’s perfect for me.

Mm, you have no idea.

I feel so unhinged right now.

I don’t even recognize myself.

I had a hot flash

and I showed my tits to Oliver’s media arts club.

Well Julie, good news is you got great tits!

You got beautiful big boobies that he will be proud of, okay?

Now look at this,

I got a taffy situation going on here.

They’ve never been longer!

Yeah, you do, you do.

But this is about me right now.

Mmmhmm.

I think I finally have to admit to myself that, uh,

menopause is kicking my ass.

So I’m gonna do it.

I’m gonna start HRT.

Oh my God, how was your day?

Good, really fine. It was fine.

Just keeping it tight.

Hey.

You waited for me?

Ah, it’s no problem.

It’s a nice car you have.

It’s good, it’s a low one.

It’s a low, it’s a low rider,

Very nice.

I like your spoiler, sir, ha-ha.

I like your car.

Thanks.

You okay?

Me? Yeah, I’m good. I’m cool.

Do you wanna go for a drive?

Yeah.

Let me get that for you.

I think I smell.

I don’t care.

♪ Take me out

♪ When I get home

♪ For the first time I really don’t feel alone

♪ Or anything sad

♪ Or anything profound

♪ I just feel gentle

♪ Like the drugs I do when you’re not around

♪ Gentle like the drugs ♪