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Welcome to
Small Achievable Goals,
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00:00:08,170 --> 00:00:09,840
the show where two
friends get real
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00:00:09,940 --> 00:00:11,380
about menopause
and middle age.
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00:00:11,480 --> 00:00:12,880
Today we’re talking
hot flashes.
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Oh my god, I’m so
hot all the time
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00:00:14,480 --> 00:00:16,950
my make-up is
sliding off my face.
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00:00:17,050 --> 00:00:19,590
Welcome to episode three!
Invisibility.
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People under the age of
25 literally cannot see me.
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00:00:22,790 --> 00:00:24,530
It’s episode six, Brain Fog.
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00:00:24,620 --> 00:00:27,120
Yesterday I could not
remember the word for "tree"
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so I just called it
"street broccoli"...
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Oh, cute.
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That is our episode
for this week.
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We would like to thank our
listeners for subscribing.
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We love you. Bye!
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Bye!
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I can’t believe we got
the show that we wanted.
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The hours are long, but I
love working for Amanda King.
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Really good work today.
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I have a few notes,
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so come by my office
before you leave, okay?
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Okay.
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You ready for this meeting?
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Yes, I’m good.
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Here we go.
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{\an8} Ow!
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♪ I feel it all,
I feel it all ♪
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You are not your anxiety.
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You are in control.
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Feelings come and go like
clouds in a windy sky.
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Mom, come on.
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We got party
planning to do!
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Action absorbs anxiety.
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Thank you for listening.
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Okay, my
birthday party-
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Uh, birthday party
commences at 6:00 PM
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in the activity centre
known as ’Light Speed Combat’!
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Don’t forget to pick up-
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The Dumble Cake!
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Don’t worry, please, baby.
I am all over this party.
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♪ Nothing to worry about ♪
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You’re singing
a lot lately.
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What’s up with that?
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Nothing. Young
women with lasers,
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that’s just a
military that I can
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♪ get behind,
I can get behind ♪
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Please wear pants.
- Yep.
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And remember,
we are all back here
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at 7:30 PM for
a sleepover.
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Please don’t be late.
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Hey, you don’t have to
worry about your mom.
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You just worry about
shooting people
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directly in the
chest, okay?
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Mom’s okay.
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- Hey!
- Morning!
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Oh, hey, have
you been crying?
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No. Oh my gosh.
No I haven’t, have you?
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Stop. Wait.
- No.
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Okay. What is happening?
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Ugh, I just have to...
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Oh? Oh! Okay.
- Oh. Whoa!
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Okay, why-why are
your nipples wet?
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Well, I was
at the coffee shop
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and this woman
recognized my voice
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and then she started
to telling me
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her vagina problems.
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These are her tears.
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Oh, that’s so sweet.
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Oh sure, just like
waltz in late.
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Hey, Amanda is here.
- Oh, hi. Okay.
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And your eyes
are so puffy.
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What’s up with that?
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Oh, absolutely nothing.
I am steady. I am-
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Just watch out for that-
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- Oof!
- Ooh. Okay, well...
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{\an8}Ooh, these look delicious.
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{\an8}Get your hand out of there.
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{\an8}The meeting hasn’t
even started.
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{\an8}I can’t wait to tell Amanda
how much I love her changes:
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{\an8}organic breakfast bar,
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{\an8}cranial sacral massages.
Come on!
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{\an8}She is a visionary.
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I feel like we just
like get each other.
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I am so close to
being her best friend.
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So close.
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Ooooohhhhhhhh!
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Hey, hey, hey, hey!
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It’s the first
quarterly review!
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Who is ready?
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I love you all.
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You are superstars.
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But you are also losers.
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Podcasts are in decline.
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We are under an existential
threat to survive
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and be the winners
I know you are.
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Our podcasts need to be number
one across all platforms.
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{\an8}Crank it up!
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Number one:
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More downloads
across the board!
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How do we do that?
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Number two:
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Chelsey! Robyn!
Make murder relatable!
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Number three:
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Julie! Kris!
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I have a surprise for you.
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Yeah?
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All my other podcasts
are doing it,
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but now it’s your turn.
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So from now on,
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your podcast will be filmed.
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Um... yeah, uh, not totally
sure we wanna be on camera.
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Don’t you want
Small Achievable Goals
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to be number one?
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’Cuz I do.
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And eyes mean more viewership,
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which means more platforms,
which leads to more growth,
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more engagement...
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And more studio time.
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I’m gonna need a
half hour more.
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No.
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Oh, and Devon-
- Yeah. Evan.
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I’m gonna take you off
as managing director.
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I just really need you to focus
on Julie and Kris’s podcast.
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Okay my beautiful
number ones!
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Go out there,
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make it happen!
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Because I really
hate firing people!
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Is that on the table?
- Did she say fired?
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See, we’re already fired.
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00:04:25,670 --> 00:04:27,810
I really wish Amanda had
talked to us about this.
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This is a big decision.
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I mean, you’re lucky you’re
used to being on camera.
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Yeah, not today.
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It’s really, it’s just,
I have a lot of stuff.
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And I’m just not a
camera person today.
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00:04:36,010 --> 00:04:37,980
Okay, well I am not a
camera person ever.
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00:04:38,080 --> 00:04:39,720
Okay, it’s Saffron’s birthday
and then I gotta get a cake.
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There’s lots of action,
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00:04:40,810 --> 00:04:41,910
it’s just not really
absorbing anything.
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Hey Julie, how are my eyes?
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They’re so puffy.
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Good. I mean, great.
Yeah, no problem.
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- Okay.
- Okay.
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We are not doing this!
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We’ll just, we’ll go
and talk to Amanda
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and we’ll tell her how we feel
and we’ll set everything right.
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Okay, great.
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We just need a meeting.
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Probably not a meeting
because that’ll take more time
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and I have a birthday party.
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Could you make it
a short meeting?
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Just no facts.
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00:05:04,400 --> 00:05:06,140
Amanda, we need to talk
about the cameras.
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You know what?
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00:05:07,370 --> 00:05:09,140
I actually just wanna talk
to Kris for a second.
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- Come.
- Yeah.
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Your eyes look a
little swollen.
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You okay?
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Cancer?
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Oh my god, you can
tell from my eyes?
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July 3rd.
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Pisces.
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Just two water
babies hanging out.
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Big hearts, big feelings.
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I know you Kris.
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Sure. For four months.
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I mean, I know you.
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Oh.
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I can see that you
haven’t been yourself.
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So if you wanna
talk about it...
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this isn’t the place.
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So stop letting the personal
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get in the way of
the professional.
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I think it was
Winston Churchill who once said,
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"If you are going through hell,
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"keep going."
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I need you to be more
like Winston Churchill.
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Yeah, like just smoke cigars
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and make decisions
on the toilet.
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You gotta keep it
tucked in tight,
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just like I had to.
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It’s also really
good for your core.
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Mm-hmm.
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Women everywhere are
counting on you.
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Don’t disappoint them.
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I mean, that being said,
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we love tears on the mic.
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Everywhere else, yuck.
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No tears.
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I’m not doing that.
Forget it. See ya. Thank you.
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- Keep it weepy.
- Yep.
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But not too much.
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Whoop! One tear sucked
it back in. Thank you.
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You know, but just enough.
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Let them feel it,
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but you just feel a little.
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I’m not gonna feel anything.
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Up!
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A little feeling thing.
Have feelings. Don’t have-
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Um, thank you!
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Hey! Um,
so was I just demoted?
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Let me be clear
with you, Kevin.
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It’s Evan.
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I want all your focus
on Julie and Kris.
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00:06:52,710 --> 00:06:54,350
Menopause is a
billion dollar industry,
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00:06:54,450 --> 00:06:55,890
and I need to be the
mama bird out there
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with the advertisers
and sponsors
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bringing home the worms.
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Yes, Mama Bird.
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And then I am the rooster
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because I stay here and I take
care of the eggs, you know?
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00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:05,020
Do I look like a chicken?
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00:07:05,730 --> 00:07:07,770
The-the opposite.
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00:07:07,860 --> 00:07:10,760
Hey, wait, wait!
I can manage the office
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00:07:10,860 --> 00:07:11,860
and produce the podcast.
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00:07:11,960 --> 00:07:13,630
You know, uh,
Small Achievable Goals
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00:07:13,730 --> 00:07:16,100
is number five on
the Wellness charts,
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00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:18,370
and we are well on our way!
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This show has the potential
to bring in some serious money.
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00:07:22,380 --> 00:07:23,480
And yes, it’s charting,
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00:07:23,580 --> 00:07:25,280
but it’s not generating
as much revenue as it could.
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00:07:25,380 --> 00:07:27,150
And I need you to change that.
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00:07:27,250 --> 00:07:29,150
So you gotta put it
all on the gas pedal.
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00:07:30,120 --> 00:07:31,420
Yeah.
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00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:32,490
Show me.
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00:07:32,590 --> 00:07:33,660
Um, okay, I, I-
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00:07:33,750 --> 00:07:36,090
Put it all on that billion
dollar menopause pedal!
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00:07:36,190 --> 00:07:37,730
That’s it. Yes.
- Just...
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00:07:37,820 --> 00:07:39,590
putting it in your, you know?
- YES!
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00:07:39,690 --> 00:07:41,160
Success!
- No.
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00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:43,900
Oh, okay. Alright. Okay.
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00:07:47,770 --> 00:07:49,840
Oh. Hey, Mo. What’s up?
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00:07:49,940 --> 00:07:51,940
Oh, elephant in the room.
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00:07:52,040 --> 00:07:53,040
Me and Kris.
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00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,510
No one cares. Not one person.
- Uh uh.
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00:07:55,610 --> 00:07:58,210
Anyways, murder is relatable!
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00:07:58,310 --> 00:08:00,950
Okay? It’s called, "It
Could Happen to You"
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00:08:01,050 --> 00:08:04,190
not "It Won’t Ever
Happen to You."
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00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,350
What is more
relatable than that?!
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00:08:06,450 --> 00:08:07,850
Right?!
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00:08:09,190 --> 00:08:11,090
I’ve never seen her like this.
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00:08:11,190 --> 00:08:12,160
I’m scared.
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00:08:12,260 --> 00:08:13,500
You know, she knows
a lot about murder
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00:08:13,590 --> 00:08:14,490
and how to get away with it.
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00:08:14,590 --> 00:08:15,490
What are you saying, Robyn?
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00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,340
You know
exactly what I’m saying!
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00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,240
I’m feeling something.
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00:08:21,330 --> 00:08:23,770
Something I’ve never like,
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00:08:23,870 --> 00:08:24,940
I don’t know, felt before.
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00:08:25,040 --> 00:08:26,840
It’s like all of a
sudden I just like,
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00:08:26,940 --> 00:08:29,340
don’t, like, believe in
myself or something.
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00:08:29,440 --> 00:08:31,110
Oh. That’s called
"self-doubt".
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00:08:31,210 --> 00:08:32,950
I feel it every morning
when I wake up.
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00:08:34,310 --> 00:08:35,210
Ew. Oh my gosh.
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00:08:35,310 --> 00:08:36,910
That is the most
disgusting thing.
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00:08:37,020 --> 00:08:38,260
I’m working on it.
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00:08:38,350 --> 00:08:39,820
There is your two shot.
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00:08:39,920 --> 00:08:40,890
Okay, here we are.
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00:08:40,990 --> 00:08:42,560
Oh my god, is that
what I look like?
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00:08:42,660 --> 00:08:44,160
So many chins!
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00:08:44,260 --> 00:08:45,160
Please, you look amazing.
262
00:08:45,260 --> 00:08:46,260
Doesn’t she look amazing?
263
00:08:46,360 --> 00:08:48,930
Kris, seriously, are you
allergic to something or?
264
00:08:49,030 --> 00:08:51,970
You know what?
I’m allergic to the time.
265
00:08:52,060 --> 00:08:52,990
I just, I have a
hard out, Evan.
266
00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:55,240
I gotta, okay, wait.
We’re gonna go. Okay.
267
00:08:55,330 --> 00:08:57,170
And oh my gosh, who the
sweet fuck is Citron?
268
00:08:57,270 --> 00:09:00,170
Ah, okay Evan,
can we hold for a second?
269
00:09:00,270 --> 00:09:01,100
Can we just hold?
270
00:09:01,210 --> 00:09:02,310
Just gimme a second.
271
00:09:02,410 --> 00:09:04,710
It’s like, I used to have
a clear line of demarcation
272
00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:05,980
between my chin and my neck,
273
00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:08,680
and now it’s just like some
horrible landslide of flesh.
274
00:09:08,780 --> 00:09:10,520
Uh, we can smooth
it out in post.
275
00:09:10,620 --> 00:09:12,560
Just I don’t ever see
myself from this angle.
276
00:09:12,650 --> 00:09:13,890
Let’s roll, please.
277
00:09:13,990 --> 00:09:17,560
How is it that I look both puffy
and wrinkly at the same time?
278
00:09:17,660 --> 00:09:18,730
Feelings, you know
what they’re like,
279
00:09:18,820 --> 00:09:20,560
they’re like clouds on a
windy day, they come and go.
280
00:09:20,660 --> 00:09:21,960
I am like fucking
Winston Churchill.
281
00:09:22,060 --> 00:09:24,760
I’m taking a shit and I’m
commanding my shit, okay?
282
00:09:24,860 --> 00:09:26,130
Let’s roll, please.
283
00:09:26,230 --> 00:09:27,970
I can’t say vulnerable things
and have people look at my face.
284
00:09:28,070 --> 00:09:29,070
I just can’t do it!
- You can.
285
00:09:29,170 --> 00:09:30,140
- You can.
- You can do it!
286
00:09:30,240 --> 00:09:31,580
- No, I can’t do this.
- You can do it, Julie.
287
00:09:31,670 --> 00:09:32,770
- Yeah, you can.
- You can.
288
00:09:32,870 --> 00:09:33,770
No!
289
00:09:33,870 --> 00:09:35,270
Okay, okay. Take five.
290
00:09:40,210 --> 00:09:41,410
Hey, could, uh,
we chat for a second?
291
00:09:41,510 --> 00:09:42,410
I can go grab Kris.
292
00:09:42,520 --> 00:09:44,020
Actually, I wanna talk to you.
293
00:09:48,090 --> 00:09:50,490
I see great things for
Small Achievable Goals.
294
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,030
I wanna take you and
Kris to the next level,
295
00:09:52,120 --> 00:09:54,020
but that requires
video content.
296
00:09:54,130 --> 00:09:57,330
That’s, uh, actually what I
wanted to chat to you about.
297
00:09:57,430 --> 00:09:59,830
I am just not comfortable
being on camera.
298
00:09:59,930 --> 00:10:01,300
It’s what the people want.
299
00:10:01,400 --> 00:10:03,340
People wanna peel you
like an onion, Julie.
300
00:10:03,440 --> 00:10:04,410
They wanna listen to you
301
00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:06,640
as you strip back the
layers of your own skin.
302
00:10:06,740 --> 00:10:08,340
Much like a
derma-planing facial,
303
00:10:08,440 --> 00:10:11,240
which I can book for you if you
think that would be helpful?
304
00:10:11,340 --> 00:10:12,240
You think I need a facial?
305
00:10:12,350 --> 00:10:13,320
The bigger question is,
306
00:10:13,410 --> 00:10:14,580
do you think you
need a facial?
307
00:10:14,680 --> 00:10:16,650
Because that’s what
the people wanna know.
308
00:10:16,750 --> 00:10:20,250
Okay. Um, I’m a
journalist and I’m really,
309
00:10:20,350 --> 00:10:21,250
I’m about ideas,
310
00:10:21,350 --> 00:10:22,620
I’m not really about looks.
311
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:24,090
And I have to admit,
312
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:26,130
you really did spring
this camera thing on-
313
00:10:26,230 --> 00:10:28,130
Julie, you are a genius.
314
00:10:28,230 --> 00:10:29,970
Let’s just let that
sit for a second.
315
00:10:31,300 --> 00:10:32,540
Julie-
I, I...
316
00:10:32,630 --> 00:10:33,700
that was a fast second,
I could have just-
317
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:35,400
You have lived.
318
00:10:35,500 --> 00:10:36,900
People wanna see that
lived experience
319
00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:38,740
come out of your
lived in face.
320
00:10:40,210 --> 00:10:41,750
I know you won’t
disappoint me.
321
00:10:43,010 --> 00:10:44,550
Because I’m a genius?
322
00:10:45,410 --> 00:10:46,310
Oh, we’re done. Okay.
323
00:10:46,410 --> 00:10:47,410
You can do this.
You can do this.
324
00:10:47,510 --> 00:10:48,410
You can do this.
325
00:10:48,510 --> 00:10:50,250
You’re a genius.
You can do this.
326
00:10:51,250 --> 00:10:52,790
Oh my God.
327
00:10:53,620 --> 00:10:55,020
Oh, okay.
328
00:10:57,260 --> 00:10:58,260
Like that.
329
00:10:58,360 --> 00:11:00,760
No, hold on.
330
00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:02,030
Okay.
331
00:11:02,130 --> 00:11:03,100
Over there.
332
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:04,700
Lifting...
333
00:11:04,800 --> 00:11:06,300
You never looked better.
334
00:11:07,000 --> 00:11:08,100
No.
335
00:11:10,000 --> 00:11:11,540
No, no, no, no!
336
00:11:19,050 --> 00:11:20,690
I need the extra
half hour for tech.
337
00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:22,750
I’m not leaving until
my demands are met.
338
00:11:23,850 --> 00:11:26,250
I’m taking your phone hostage.
339
00:11:26,350 --> 00:11:27,750
That’s a lot of missed calls.
340
00:11:27,850 --> 00:11:29,190
Gimme my phone, Larry.
341
00:11:29,290 --> 00:11:30,460
Give me my studio time.
342
00:11:30,560 --> 00:11:31,760
What in "no" don’t
you understand,
343
00:11:31,860 --> 00:11:33,500
the N or the O?
344
00:11:35,090 --> 00:11:38,030
Hello? This is Larry.
To whom am I speaking?
345
00:11:38,130 --> 00:11:39,200
Oh, Tatanya.
346
00:11:39,300 --> 00:11:40,970
So lovely, hey!
347
00:11:41,070 --> 00:11:42,970
I’ll call you back.
348
00:11:43,070 --> 00:11:44,870
That’s rude. Who’s Tatanya?
349
00:11:44,970 --> 00:11:46,540
This meeting is over.
350
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:48,040
Goodbye.
351
00:11:49,180 --> 00:11:49,610
Okay. Thanks for
coming in, Kris.
352
00:11:49,710 --> 00:11:50,680
No problem, yeah.
353
00:11:50,780 --> 00:11:54,520
I just wanted to show
you last week’s episode.
354
00:11:54,610 --> 00:11:56,950
Once I pull it up here,
wherever it, oh, there it is.
355
00:11:57,050 --> 00:11:59,750
Okay, uh, so if you notice
this monitor here,
356
00:11:59,850 --> 00:12:00,880
it’s peaking a bunch.
357
00:12:00,990 --> 00:12:02,990
It’s this weird
background kind of noise,
358
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,160
which isn’t the biggest deal,
359
00:12:04,260 --> 00:12:05,760
but if we could
just cut that out.
360
00:12:05,860 --> 00:12:09,530
Today on the show we are
talking about mood swings,
361
00:12:09,630 --> 00:12:12,970
uh, uh, changes that,
that, um, in menopause-
362
00:12:13,070 --> 00:12:14,370
What Julie’s trying to say,
I got it. I got it.
363
00:12:14,470 --> 00:12:16,040
Okay, um, we’re talking
about menopause
364
00:12:16,140 --> 00:12:17,610
and, um, mood swings
and emotional health.
365
00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:18,600
And I’m fine emotionally.
366
00:12:18,700 --> 00:12:19,600
I’ve never had a mood swing,
367
00:12:19,710 --> 00:12:20,780
so I don’t really know
what that’s like.
368
00:12:20,870 --> 00:12:22,140
But I imagine maybe
it feels like, uh,
369
00:12:22,240 --> 00:12:23,170
like a big black bird,
I guess?
370
00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:24,210
It’s just sitting
on your chest,
371
00:12:24,310 --> 00:12:25,440
like it’s the
size of a possum.
372
00:12:25,540 --> 00:12:26,780
It makes it really
hard to breathe
373
00:12:26,880 --> 00:12:28,150
and then your chest gets really
tight and you’re just like,
374
00:12:28,250 --> 00:12:29,180
"I can’t breathe,
I can’t breathe"
375
00:12:29,280 --> 00:12:30,380
but you got,
but you can’t say anything
376
00:12:30,480 --> 00:12:31,750
and you gotta
keep the bird tight.
377
00:12:31,850 --> 00:12:34,020
You’re like, "Little crow?
Little crow killing the possum?
378
00:12:34,120 --> 00:12:35,090
Please don’t say anything.
379
00:12:35,190 --> 00:12:37,360
And it’s coming at you
and it’s like, "Kris!
380
00:12:37,460 --> 00:12:40,400
"Kris, you are a failure."
381
00:12:41,990 --> 00:12:43,990
And the possum’s already dead
and it’s just hanging there-
382
00:12:44,100 --> 00:12:45,230
Okay, screw it, screw it,
screw it, screw it.
383
00:12:45,330 --> 00:12:46,360
I’ve gotta get to
the birthday party
384
00:12:46,470 --> 00:12:47,640
and I gotta be
Winston Churchill.
385
00:12:47,730 --> 00:12:49,270
I gotta keep it together and
I gotta put the name change
386
00:12:49,370 --> 00:12:50,440
on the cake.
387
00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:51,440
- Okay.
- Okay.
388
00:12:51,540 --> 00:12:52,440
Okay. You know what?
389
00:12:52,540 --> 00:12:54,510
Yeah, mood swings are a thing.
390
00:12:54,610 --> 00:12:55,510
They can be surreal.
391
00:12:55,610 --> 00:12:56,710
They can be abstract.
392
00:12:56,810 --> 00:12:59,210
They can feel like a bird
possum or whatever that is.
393
00:12:59,310 --> 00:13:01,180
But, uh, let’s
unpack that, okay?
394
00:13:01,280 --> 00:13:03,350
Let’s, uh, oh shit.
395
00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:04,820
Oh shit! Go, go!
I got this.
396
00:13:08,750 --> 00:13:10,220
Okay, Kris, we can see you.
397
00:13:10,320 --> 00:13:11,420
You cannot see her.
398
00:13:11,520 --> 00:13:12,420
We can.
399
00:13:12,530 --> 00:13:13,560
Okay, look, Evan,
400
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:16,200
you wanted raw,
vulnerable, emotional.
401
00:13:16,300 --> 00:13:18,400
Well this is what
menopause really looks like.
402
00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:19,840
One of us is holding on
a pillow for dear life,
403
00:13:19,930 --> 00:13:20,830
while the other one’s
trying to escape.
404
00:13:20,930 --> 00:13:21,830
Keep ’er tight.
405
00:13:21,930 --> 00:13:24,430
So let’s talk mood swings.
406
00:13:24,540 --> 00:13:26,340
You know, sometimes the way
that my husband eats his cereal
407
00:13:26,440 --> 00:13:27,680
makes me wanna kill him.
408
00:13:27,770 --> 00:13:28,840
The other morning I
was in the kitchen
409
00:13:28,940 --> 00:13:30,040
and then out of nowhere...
410
00:13:37,580 --> 00:13:38,880
Suckers!
411
00:13:45,990 --> 00:13:48,390
Hey, I’m looking
for my daughter.
412
00:13:48,490 --> 00:13:49,490
Her name is Saffron.
413
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:50,500
Saffron!
414
00:13:53,600 --> 00:14:00,170
SAFFRON!
415
00:14:00,270 --> 00:14:02,540
Ahhhhh!
416
00:14:04,940 --> 00:14:05,870
Saffron.
417
00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:09,950
Your kid’s party
ended an hour ago.
418
00:14:10,050 --> 00:14:11,790
Her dad came to pick her up.
419
00:14:13,820 --> 00:14:14,890
Okay guys, that’s enough.
420
00:14:14,990 --> 00:14:16,490
Come on, let’s go.
421
00:14:16,590 --> 00:14:17,490
You got her.
422
00:14:17,590 --> 00:14:19,230
Come on, you got her.
423
00:14:27,100 --> 00:14:28,770
Julie? What are ya...
424
00:14:28,870 --> 00:14:30,270
Ah...
425
00:14:31,000 --> 00:14:32,300
What’s all this?
426
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:35,500
I’m exploring my
non-surgical options.
427
00:14:35,610 --> 00:14:37,310
Oh. For what?
428
00:14:37,410 --> 00:14:39,310
Anti-aging!
429
00:14:39,410 --> 00:14:43,150
Basically it boils down
to shooting poison, needles
430
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:44,820
or my own blood into my face.
431
00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:47,960
Oh. You know, I, I like
your face the way it is.
432
00:14:48,050 --> 00:14:49,690
This isn’t about how
you feel about me,
433
00:14:49,790 --> 00:14:51,560
it’s about how
I feel about me.
434
00:14:51,660 --> 00:14:53,560
You know, in my mind I’m 38,
435
00:14:53,660 --> 00:14:55,130
but when I saw myself
on camera today,
436
00:14:55,230 --> 00:14:58,430
I realized... I’ve peaked.
437
00:14:58,530 --> 00:15:01,900
I just want my outsides
to match my insides.
438
00:15:02,000 --> 00:15:04,670
And my insides don’t
have all this extra skin.
439
00:15:04,770 --> 00:15:05,900
Remember I used to
have a six pack?
440
00:15:06,010 --> 00:15:07,110
You never had a-
441
00:15:07,210 --> 00:15:09,250
Yes, look,
442
00:15:09,340 --> 00:15:12,610
I can’t change
how you feel about you,
443
00:15:12,710 --> 00:15:15,680
but I love your face,
so please don’t change it.
444
00:15:17,050 --> 00:15:19,950
I will always love you,
your body-
445
00:15:20,050 --> 00:15:21,690
Even when I can tuck
my boobs into my pants?
446
00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:24,530
Yes! Yes.
447
00:15:24,620 --> 00:15:26,720
Because I will be right
there next to you,
448
00:15:26,830 --> 00:15:28,570
tucking my balls
into my socks.
449
00:15:29,860 --> 00:15:31,460
But seriously, if I can
tuck my balls into my socks,
450
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:32,560
that’s time for you to-
451
00:15:32,670 --> 00:15:34,170
Oh, smother you with a pillow.
452
00:15:34,270 --> 00:15:35,470
- Perfect.
- Goes without saying.
453
00:15:41,270 --> 00:15:42,670
I’m here.
454
00:15:44,680 --> 00:15:45,980
Saffron!
455
00:15:46,080 --> 00:15:47,010
I’m here. I’m here.
456
00:15:47,110 --> 00:15:48,240
Hi, I’m a little bit late.
457
00:15:48,350 --> 00:15:49,420
- Hi.
- Hi. I’m sorry.
458
00:15:49,520 --> 00:15:51,420
Hey. Oh, hey.
459
00:15:51,520 --> 00:15:54,290
Babe? Kris is here.
460
00:15:54,390 --> 00:15:56,130
Hi, um, are you hugging
me so I don’t go inside?
461
00:15:56,220 --> 00:15:57,120
Kinda.
- Okay.
462
00:15:57,220 --> 00:15:58,390
Hey, hey.
- Hi. Hi.
463
00:15:58,490 --> 00:15:59,660
Here. Oh, everything’s okay.
464
00:15:59,760 --> 00:16:01,330
No, it’s not okay.
It is not okay.
465
00:16:01,430 --> 00:16:02,560
I’m gonna just gonna
go inside for a second.
466
00:16:02,660 --> 00:16:03,730
I just wanna say
that I’m sorry.
467
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:05,170
Everyone understands.
We already talked about it.
468
00:16:05,260 --> 00:16:06,160
They totally get it.
469
00:16:06,270 --> 00:16:07,570
Everyone’s calm.
470
00:16:07,670 --> 00:16:09,470
Okay, your hours have been nuts
since you started the new show.
471
00:16:09,570 --> 00:16:10,810
Leave it for tonight, okay?
472
00:16:10,900 --> 00:16:12,570
Let Saffron be
with her friends.
473
00:16:14,810 --> 00:16:16,380
Oh my god.
474
00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:17,580
The whole thing.
475
00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:18,920
No. Come on, stop.
476
00:16:19,010 --> 00:16:20,010
You know what?
Is everything...
477
00:16:20,110 --> 00:16:21,580
Here you go.
Here’s the cake. It’s fine.
478
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:22,610
Oh my god, you’re right.
Enjoy the cake.
479
00:16:22,720 --> 00:16:24,020
Have a great night.
480
00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:26,590
Hey Kris. Is everything okay?
481
00:16:31,490 --> 00:16:33,130
Yep.
482
00:16:33,230 --> 00:16:34,600
Pew, pew, pew,
pew, pew, pew!
483
00:16:34,690 --> 00:16:35,930
You know what I did?
I shot your mouths off.
484
00:16:36,030 --> 00:16:37,230
I shot them right off.
Pew pew!
485
00:16:37,330 --> 00:16:40,630
I’m just gonna speed away
on my bike fast ’cuz...
486
00:16:42,530 --> 00:16:44,070
Wear the helmet.
487
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,020
Hello?
488
00:17:03,120 --> 00:17:04,250
You’re where?
489
00:17:04,360 --> 00:17:05,760
Hey!
490
00:17:05,860 --> 00:17:08,860
Oh, hey.
- Hey.
491
00:17:08,960 --> 00:17:10,400
Everything okay?
- Yeah.
492
00:17:10,500 --> 00:17:12,740
What ya doing in my yard?
493
00:17:12,830 --> 00:17:13,860
Hanging out.
494
00:17:13,970 --> 00:17:16,240
Uh, I couldn’t sleep
so I went for a coffee,
495
00:17:16,340 --> 00:17:18,710
and then I rode my bike around
town and then I climbed a tree.
496
00:17:18,800 --> 00:17:20,370
You know, the yoozhe.
497
00:17:20,470 --> 00:17:24,040
And you did all this while
wearing a laser tag vest?
498
00:17:24,140 --> 00:17:25,640
That is right, ma’am.
499
00:17:26,410 --> 00:17:27,910
How did the sleepover go?
500
00:17:28,010 --> 00:17:29,080
She had a great birthday.
501
00:17:29,180 --> 00:17:31,020
Just a really good
birthday party for her.
502
00:17:31,120 --> 00:17:33,260
And then she-she
stayed at her dad’s.
503
00:17:34,720 --> 00:17:35,690
Oh, I’m-
504
00:17:35,790 --> 00:17:36,920
I wouldn’t.
505
00:17:37,020 --> 00:17:39,090
Okay, I’ve never known
you to refuse a hug before.
506
00:17:39,190 --> 00:17:40,690
Are you okay?
507
00:17:40,790 --> 00:17:42,090
Yeah, I’m good. I...
508
00:17:42,190 --> 00:17:45,090
Amanda just says I gotta
keep my bird in tight, so...
509
00:17:45,200 --> 00:17:47,300
I don’t know what that means,
510
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:48,940
but it sounds inappropriate.
511
00:17:49,940 --> 00:17:51,710
Okay, no hug.
512
00:17:51,800 --> 00:17:53,340
We can just sit here.
513
00:17:58,340 --> 00:17:59,240
You can hug my finger.
514
00:17:59,340 --> 00:18:00,880
There’s less feelings
in a finger.
515
00:18:09,620 --> 00:18:11,620
God, you have a vice-like grip.
516
00:18:17,030 --> 00:18:18,060
Well, she loves it!
517
00:18:18,160 --> 00:18:19,500
Amanda loves it!
518
00:18:19,600 --> 00:18:22,940
And it is all thanks to me
519
00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:24,940
because I know what
your audiences want:
520
00:18:25,040 --> 00:18:27,440
the raw, honest,
vulnerable, real you.
521
00:18:27,540 --> 00:18:30,340
I have so many clips that
I know are gonna go viral.
522
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:32,940
So just keep just
doing that, right?
523
00:18:33,050 --> 00:18:34,250
Yes.
524
00:18:34,350 --> 00:18:36,650
Great. So we, we just have a
nervous breakdown every week?
525
00:18:36,750 --> 00:18:37,850
Do whatever it takes!
526
00:18:37,950 --> 00:18:39,720
Julie, she is thrilled with me.
527
00:18:39,820 --> 00:18:41,520
Us. You. Me.
528
00:18:41,620 --> 00:18:42,620
Yeah!
529
00:18:42,720 --> 00:18:43,960
Ow. What was that?
530
00:18:44,060 --> 00:18:45,330
It was a high five,
but I was looking there
531
00:18:45,420 --> 00:18:46,550
and you were supposed
to be ready for it.
532
00:18:46,660 --> 00:18:48,400
No no, my hand wasn’t there.
- Save it for the podcast.
533
00:18:48,490 --> 00:18:50,130
Put your boob down
and put your hand up.
534
00:18:50,230 --> 00:18:51,670
I don’t know how to do that.
535
00:18:53,170 --> 00:18:55,670
I’m sorry I answered
your phone.
536
00:18:56,370 --> 00:18:57,770
Not cool.
537
00:19:04,140 --> 00:19:05,680
It was my sister.
538
00:19:05,780 --> 00:19:07,850
My mother can no
longer live alone
539
00:19:07,950 --> 00:19:10,290
and I can’t live with her.
540
00:19:10,380 --> 00:19:13,720
She likes things her way,
and I like things my way.
541
00:19:13,820 --> 00:19:15,120
You just need a beat.
542
00:19:15,220 --> 00:19:16,520
Yeah.
543
00:19:25,830 --> 00:19:26,730
Whatcha doin’?
544
00:19:26,830 --> 00:19:28,830
Oh, I am just reminding
myself that, uh,
545
00:19:28,930 --> 00:19:30,370
one day I’ll be eighty.
546
00:19:30,470 --> 00:19:31,970
Look at that.
547
00:19:32,070 --> 00:19:34,340
- Cute.
- Yeah, right?
548
00:19:34,440 --> 00:19:35,570
I remember when that
photo was taken,
549
00:19:35,670 --> 00:19:38,240
I thought I was an
unlovable monster.
550
00:19:38,340 --> 00:19:39,580
And, you know, one day
I’m gonna be eighty
551
00:19:39,680 --> 00:19:41,780
and I don’t wanna look at a
picture of myself now and think-
552
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:44,680
My balls were so high
and tight back then.
553
00:19:46,890 --> 00:19:48,790
No, I don’t wanna think that.
554
00:19:50,120 --> 00:19:51,520
- Love you.
- Love you.
555
00:19:55,130 --> 00:19:56,870
Hmm. Okay.
556
00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:02,300
Oh.
557
00:20:06,310 --> 00:20:07,910
Oh.
558
00:20:14,180 --> 00:20:18,690
♪ You could say
it’s my instinct
559
00:20:18,780 --> 00:20:21,520
♪ Yes, I still have one
560
00:20:23,860 --> 00:20:27,660
♪ There’s no time
to second guess it ♪
561
00:20:27,760 --> 00:20:29,130
I love you.
562
00:20:29,230 --> 00:20:33,670
♪ Yes, there are things that
I’m still so afraid of ♪
563
00:20:33,770 --> 00:20:34,870
I love you.
564
00:20:34,970 --> 00:20:38,540
Yeah. Yeah, you look cute.
565
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:41,640
♪ It’s vain about its mane and
will reveal them to no one ♪
566
00:20:41,740 --> 00:20:42,980
Hey, this is Saffron’s mom.
567
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:44,480
A little surprise for you.
568
00:20:44,580 --> 00:20:45,920
I’m giving you the big room.
569
00:20:46,010 --> 00:20:47,010
Yay!
570
00:20:47,110 --> 00:20:48,040
You get Mom’s room.
571
00:20:48,150 --> 00:20:49,890
All the space you want.
572
00:20:49,980 --> 00:20:51,450
It’s like, it’s almost
like a two bedroom.
573
00:20:51,550 --> 00:20:52,450
I love you.
574
00:20:52,550 --> 00:20:54,290
I hope you’re having
fun at your dad’s.
575
00:20:55,950 --> 00:21:00,790
♪ Pick up that rock,
drink from that lake
576
00:21:00,890 --> 00:21:05,500
♪ I do my best, but
I’m made of mistakes
577
00:21:05,600 --> 00:21:09,870
♪ Yes, there are things that
I’m still quite sure of
578
00:21:09,970 --> 00:21:14,680
♪ Oh I love you this hour,
this hour today
579
00:21:14,770 --> 00:21:19,510
♪ And heaven will smell
like the airport
580
00:21:19,610 --> 00:21:23,180
♪ But I may never get
there to prove it
581
00:21:24,680 --> 00:21:29,020
♪ So, let’s not waste our time
thinking how that ain’t fair
582
00:21:29,120 --> 00:21:32,660
♪ I’m an animal
583
00:21:32,760 --> 00:21:35,200
♪ You’re an animal, too ♪
41472
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