Original subtitles

SOMEWHERE IN TOKYO IN THE '80S

ANYTHING GOES MARTIAL ARTS TENDO DOJO

[driver] Mr. Tendo.

Yes?

- Here's your mail. - Thanks.

[writer] No time for pleasantries. Bringing Ranma back.

We're coming from China.

[singsongy] Lotsa love, Genma.

[Tendo sobs]

So Ranma's finally coming.

[sobbing] I've been waiting for this day for so long.

[sobbing continues]

RANMA1/2

[door slides open]

- [footsteps running] - [Tendo] Hey…

HERE'S RANMA

…Kasumi, Nabiki, Akane!

Kasumi.

Uh-huh? Dad, what is it?

[knocks]

[Tendo] Hey, Nabiki!

Hmm?

Akane?

[runner panting]

Guess she's not here right now.

I think she went out to train.

- [gulps] - Hmm?

[Akane panting]

[continues panting]

I'm back.

[grunts]

- [grunts] - [belt squeezes]

[blocks thud]

Ha!

[rubble settles]

[sighs] I feel better.

You're at this again?

You're never going to find a man that will like you if you keep acting like this.

Ask me if I care!

How many times do I have to keep telling you that it doesn't matter…

[shouts] …because I hate men!

[Nabiki] Hmm.

Well then, I guess what I was about to tell you wasn't relevant.

Hmm?

[thunder rumbling]

[thunderclap]

Wait, a fiancé?

Mmm. He's the young son of a good friend of mine.

And his name's Ranma Saotome.

I believe it will secure the future of our dojo

if one of you three were to take his hand in marriage

and you will inherit it when I pass.

No, what? Pack everything up!

Do you even hear yourself? I'm not going along with this.

She does have a point, Dad. We haven't even met him yet.

Don't worry. You will soon enough.

[splashing]

[thudding]

- [splashing] - [panting]

[panting continues]

[thudding]

[panda grunts]

Back off! You big, weird, stupid, giant butt!

[thuds]

- [bystander 1] Is that a panda? - [bystander 2] It's a panda.

[crowd gasps]

[crowd screams]

- [bystander 3] What? - [bystander 4] Really? A real panda?

[splashes]

Bring it.

[fighter grunting]

[fighter grunts]

[whips]

[laughs]

Huh? [grunts]

Hyah.

[crashes]

Well? Not so bad for a girl, am I right?

[crowd gasps]

Ha! Already getting back on your feet? Try not to hurt yourself.

- [panda growls] - [crowd] Whoa!

[fighter] Oh, I guess we're moving on.

I never wanted to do this!

[grunts] I'm not here so you can marry me off.

That's not up to you!

[crashes, reverberates]

[creaks, thuds]

All right, I'm going back to China now.

Have a nice rest of your life, you miserable old man.

[scoffs]

- [crowd gasps] - [grunts]

[clangs]

[bystander 1] The panda's grabbing that girl.

[bystander 2] But why, though?

- [panda barks] - [crowd startles]

[birdsong]

[Tendo] The Saotomes recently went on a trip to perfect their martial arts.

Seems like they're stopping here on their way back from China.

Wow. China, huh?

Okay, but that doesn't mean he's any good at it, though.

He cute?

And how old is he? I don't want a younger man.

[Tendo laughing]

[siblings] Oh, come on, tell us what Ranma is like.

- Don't know. - [grunts]

- You don't? - Nope.

Nothing at all?

I've never even met the young 'un.

- Really? - Really.

[shouts] Let me go!

[all gasp] Huh?

[fighter, in distance] …freaking hands off me, you butt face!

[siblings murmur]

[fighter] I told you I'm not along with this, and that's final!

- [crashes] - [fighter shouting]

- [cat screeches] - [fighter] Ugh, I know pandas don't talk.

Creepy.

[fighter] Damn it! [straining]

Someone's here.

- [fighter] Stop it! - [Tendo] Hmm?

[squeals] I bet that's Ranma! [chuckles]

Genma, it's been so long!

[sighs] Nabiki.

Ah, well, let's go and say hello.

I just hope he's older than us.

Ugh, I'm already over this.

[both grunting]

Huh? What's wrong?

- [thud] - [floorboards creak]

- Hmm? - [thud]

[thudding footsteps]

[floorboards creaking]

Why the panda?

Look, you're scaring everybody, so just put me down!

So are these two supposed to be your friends?

[muffled] Nuh-uh.

Well if he's not your friend, then what is a panda doing here?

But it's weird, right?

- Mmm. - [grunts]

Hmm?

Wait. Are you…

Ranma Saotome.

Oh, wow. Really? So you are.

[chuckles] You're so cute!

- Oh! I'm so happy to see you! - [shouts]

I gotta tell you, I've been counting down the days to this moment for so many years.

Oh, gosh, probably since the second I heard that Genma had a son, but…

uh… what?

Hmm?

[Tendo gulps]

Hmm?

Hmm.

[Ranma groans]

Um, please stop that.

This looks like a girl to me.

[tinkles]

[water splashes]

I guess Dad must be really disappointed by this.

I'm the one who should be disappointed because I'm not getting a fiancé.

Our guests came all this way to visit. Don't be so rude.

Well, I'm blaming Dad anyway. You really should have double-checked.

Why would I when he already said he had a son?

So why is this son sitting in our house with a massive rack?

Okay. Hands off me, please.

- Hey. - Hmm?

Wanna go check out the dojo?

I'm Akane.

I'd love to be your friend.

[Akane] So, feel free to correct me, but did I hear you practice kenpo?

[Ranma] Yeah, kind of.

- Hey, you wanna have a match with me? - Hmm?

Just a little practice round.

Hmm.

[chuckling] It'll just be for fun, so don't get too worried.

Really?

Let's both try our best.

[grunts]

What the…

It looks like she's just leaving herself wide open to attack.

Hmm.

Hyah!

Hi-yah!

[grunting]

See?

[grunts]

What are you doing? Try and hit me back!

[grunting]

I can't hit her. She sees right through me.

[pants] Guess I can't hold back.

Here goes!

[screams]

[taps]

[gasps]

[chuckling]

[sighs]

You're pretty good at this.

Just like I heard. So you did go on a trip to improve your martial arts.

Little frustrating for me.

But I am relieved that you're a girl at least.

- Huh? - Because…

I would've absolutely hated losing to a guy.

[moans]

[screams]

[grunting]

[hums]

Hmm?

Kasumi, who's that old guy?

Don't know. He turned up out of nowhere all of a sudden.

Hmm.

- [Kasumi] Hey, Ranma. - Yes?

Why don't you go and have a bath?

[Ranma] Oh, no. I'm fine. Thank you.

[Kasumi] Don't be silly. You must be sweaty from all that exercising.

You said you got wet in the rain too. Go and have a bath.

[Ranma] Uh, okay.

[water running]

[gasps]

[trills lips]

[shivers] So cold!

[sighs] What do I do now?

[Akane sighs]

- [both exclaim] - [Nabiki] Excuse me.

Ugh. I hope you're sweaty 'cause you were training again.

[Akane] Oh, shut it.

- Well the bath's ready for you. - Great.

[bather sighs, groans] How do I handle this?

[Akane] Ugh… [chuckles] …I guess I am pretty sweaty.

[bather] They're gonna find out sooner or later. Probably.

I'll just leave like this.

Hmm?

[groans]

[squeals]

[sighs]

[screaming]

Akane?

- [Nabiki] Hmm? - [screaming continues]

I'll just take this in there and dump it on his head

and let him sink to the bottom of the drain. [strains]

[Nabiki] Sorry, what do you think you're doing with that, Akane?

There's a pervert in there! In the tub!

So why didn't you beat him up with your bare hands?

I was too scared to think of that, okay?

That's so strange.

I thought Ranma was the one using the bath right now.

- [bather] So, uh… - [all] Huh?

- You're, uh… - [growls]

Who are you?

[bather] Hey…

I'm Ranma Saotome. Hey, there.

I'm real sorry.

Huh?

[wails] Huh?

[Tendo] So, let me introduce you again.

This man is my oldest and dearest friend.

My name is Genma Saotome. This is my son.

I am Ranma.

[growls softly]

[groans]

[growls]

[gulps]

All right. What's even going on here?

You're really the girl we were introduced to earlier?

I know this is very confusing.

But I… Well I haven't been quite sure where to start.

- Regardless… - [exclaims]

- [grunts] - [screams]

Huh?

[screams]

What are you doing?

- [spluttering] - Hmm.

He turned into a girl.

[groans]

He's my son, but no matter how many times I look at him, he's a bizarre enigma.

[Ranma] Why you…

[grunts, shouts]

[splashes]

You got no room to talk.

The only one that's a weirdo here is you.

With all due respect, I think your friends are a little strange.

Admittedly, I don't know much about what's going on here either.

But if I were to take a guess,

the true culprit behind this seems to be a dark, ancient Chinese discipline.

It's a long story, but I'll do what I can.

It all started about two weeks ago.

[Nabiki] So, not that long ago.

[Saotome] Nestled deep in the Bayan Har Mountains, in Qinghai, China,

lies a place called Spirit of the Fist Mountain.

[tour guide] Take a look around. Soak it in.

The legendary training ground called Jusenkyo.

[bag thumps]

[tour guide] You two must be pretty eccentric.

No one uses this place anymore. It's way too dangerous to try training here.

Are you ready for this, Ranma?

Yeah. Looks like a piece of cake to me.

[tour guide] There are over a hundred springs that have formed here.

And at the center of each one of these is a tragic legend waiting to be told.

This spring has a story dating back a thousand years ago--

- Come on, Ranma! - Yeah!

Huh? Excuse me. What are you doing?

I'm not holding back.

Bring it on, old man!

Please come down! It would be awful if either of you were to fall!

- [grunts] - [battle cry]

[both grunting]

[Saotome] Hyah!

[Ranma groans]

[both grunting]

[straining]

[kick lands]

- [impact thud] - [water splashes]

Ha! Got you!

What do you think about that, Dad? Had enough yet?

[screams]

Wait, what?

The hell…

A panda?

That one's known as Spring of Drowned Panda.

One devastating day 2,000 years ago,

a panda fell and drowned in this very spring.

- Ever since then… - [exclaims]

…anyone unfortunate enough to fall into the spring has been cursed

- to turn into a panda. - [gasps]

Whoa! [whimpers]

[grunts] Hang on a sec!

Come on! How is this the first time I'm hearing about this, huh?

- [punch lands] - Ooh!

No!

You've fallen into the Spring of Drowned Girl.

That legend's even more sad.

They say 1,500 years ago, a young girl fell into that spring and drowned.

So that spring has its own curse too.

Everyone that falls in there gets turned into a young girl!

- Mmm? - Mmm.

Hmm?

[screaming]

[tour guide] Yep. That's the girl I said you'd turn into.

[screaming continues]

[bell tinkles]

You went to the legendary training ground, Jusenkyo?

The truth of the horror surrounding the springs was a mystery.

[groans]

So you're telling me you knew it was dangerous?

What kind of father are you?

Why are you obsessed with dragging me to all these ridiculous places?

Wait, no!

- [grunts] - [groans]

Cool off if you're gonna be that stubborn.

A true warrior should be prepared to throw their life away

for the sake of their training.

Throwing away my life is one thing…

[shouts]

…but now you've made me throw away my manhood!

Dumbass!

[Kasumi] Please stop. There's no need to fight.

[Tendo] What a tragedy!

Mr. Saotome. Please, that's enough!

I'm confused. Why would you do something so dangerous?

Surely you have a reason.

[mocks]

"National Catalog of Training Grounds in China"?

Is this a guide map that's in Chinese?

Wait a minute.

You don't even know how to read Chinese, do you?

BINGO!

[steam hisses]

Huh. Pouring hot water on you changes you back.

Yeah. But that kettle didn't need to be that hot.

Cold water turns him into a girl

- and hot water turns him back into a boy! - [shrieks]

That's boiling hot!

Well, it's a relief to know that this problem is an easy one to solve.

Kasumi's the oldest. She's 19.

Nabiki's the middle sister. She's 17.

Akane's the youngest. She's 16.

Take a look and pick whichever girl you fancy.

She'll be your fiancée.

- Definitely Akane. - Huh?

Yeah, perfect.

So what exactly is it that makes me so perfect, huh?

Because you're such a little man-hater.

But lucky for you, he's already half girl anyway.

- I'm not marrying that pervert. - Hmm?

Hey! Who do you think you are calling me a pervert?

Don't act like you didn't see me naked.

Come on! I was the one who got in the bathtub first.

You and I both know that there's a big difference when you're not a girl!

- They're already getting along so well. - [laughing]

Uh, no, we most definitely are not!

Whatever. I'm over this.

- [Ranma] I'm outta here. - [grunts]

[grunts] Ranma, where are you going?

I'm going back to China.

I might as well try and find a way to get back to normal.

I don't need a fiancée right now.

- And as for you? - Hmm.

I want it stated for the record that you saw me naked too.

And besides, I'm pretty used to seeing my own body.

So seeing another woman naked isn't really that noteworthy to me anymore.

[growls]

And, you know, I'm pretty sure I've got better proportions than you.

[laughs]

[grunts]

[Saotome] Yep. Ranma was asking for that.

[dog yowling]

[groans]

Oh, good. You're waking up.

[whimpers] Ouch.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

I'm sorry. Please try not to think poorly of Akane.

You know, she's gentle by nature,

but sometimes she can be a real out-of-control thug.

You're really not helping her case, Kasumi.

How dare that jerk think he can make a fool of me!

[mocking] I've got better proportions than you! [echoes]

[chuckles]

[growls] What is it with men?

He makes me so angry! [shampoo squirts]

[Ranma groans] Man, my head still really hurts.

I don't get it. What is it with women?

I'd love to be your friend.

Yeah, well, so much for that.

Huh. She changed her tune up real quick the second she found out I was a dude.

I would've absolutely hated losing to a guy.

[sighs]

[scoffs]

Oh.

Um, hi?

What do you think you're doing in here?

- [slap] - [scream echoes]

She'd be a real cute, energetic fiancée for you.

She's not cute.

What's the problem? You said it was fine when you were both girls.

[Akane] That was before!

- [grunts] - [grunts]

Hmm.

[growling]

[Ranma, shouting] Who would ever think she's cute?