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If we traveled back to March of 2020,
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when COVID-19 changed life
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as any of us had known it,
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no one could've predicted all we have learned
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and all we have lost since then.
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We are certainly in a different environment.
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And now, over a year later,
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with vaccines widely available,
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family and friends reuniting, and children back to schools,
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there are moments when it can seem
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like nothing but a bad dream.
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But one unknown
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still left to be reckoned with
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is the more long-term effects
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on our collective psyche.
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That's why I'm so glad to have the opportunity
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to speak with Dr. Paul Weston.
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He's a successful author with a host of indebted patients
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from his former private practice,
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and now, he's become one of the most trusted sources
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of insight into modern American psychology.
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So let's go to Dr. Weston
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from the 32nd International Congress of Psychology...
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Paul, hi! It's Brooke. Um...
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(clears throat) I got your messages,
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and I've been meaning to call you back,
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uh, but my work schedule has been intense.
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I don't have to tell you.
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I... I never know if you're home in New York
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or traveling, but I would love
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to find a moment to catch up.
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But, just so you know, I'm good.
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Really am. Busy, but good.
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Uh, but call me any time. Yeah?
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If I can pick up, I will.
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Give my best to Corina,
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and I hope you're well.
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(light piano music playing)
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♪ ♪
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(sighs)
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I have to tell you that I...
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-I've been worried. -Oh.
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-About what? -You.
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(scoffs) Oh.
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Mm-hm. At the end of our last session,
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you seemed despondent.
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Well, I'm sorry. (exhales)
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I'm not asking for an apology.
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Okay, well, I'm not sorry.
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Hey, my Bentley got fixed.
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-Did it? -Mm-hmm. They detailed her and everything.
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Daddy's mechanics did such a good job.
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It's like she was never in an accident.
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-She's like good as new. -Laila...
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Actually, what kind of car do you drive?
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Let, let, let me guess, let me guess. Like, you're probably
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a Volvo person.
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You know, all like, "safety first,"
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and like, "vanilla's like my favorite flavor."
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No? Audi?
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Miss I-Love-Rihanna- and-Potato-Leek-Soup?
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A Mini Cooper? I mean...
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-I could see it. -I drive a Prius.
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Ooh...
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So, how many times have people tried to hop in the backseat,
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thinking it was a, uh, an Uber?
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-Four. -Whoa!
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-(laughs) -What?
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Now, can we get back
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to talking about our last session together?
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-What about it? -Well, you said
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that you didn't think you could ever be happy,
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and then you got lost in your phone.
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-Oh, I wasn't lost. -Oh, okay.
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Rephrase.
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It seemed like you were having a tough moment,
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and you felt compelled to reach out to Cara.
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Was she able to be there for you, give you what you need?
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-Of course she did. -I'm glad.
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(scoffs) Why?
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Believe it or not,
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I care about you, Laila.
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(laughs)
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(sighs) That's like the gayest shit you've ever said.
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Thank you.
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Is Cara some sort of...
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refuge for you?
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Refuge? Like I'm an endangered animal?
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Have you noticed you tend to pick apart my words
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when I ask you something you don't want to talk about?
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Well, I have no problem talking about Cara.
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But you seem to have a problem talking about you.
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(sighs)
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-Cara and I met at the same summer camp two years ago. -Sleep-away?
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(scoffs) No.
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Church camp.
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I went about eight years in a row.
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-That's a lot of summers. -I didn't want to go back for the ninth,
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but it wasn't really my choice. I got to be a CIT though.
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"Counselor in training."
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Did you like having more responsibility?
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Laila: I liked having more freedom.
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Because when I met Cara...
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Okay, so the campers are split into two groups.
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The White Group was the youngest, like...
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Jesus at Christmas.
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And the Gold Group was the oldest,
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like Jesus at Easter.
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And Cara was a Gold camper, which is basically a CIT,
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so she was a camper, but not, you know?
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-Sure. -We couldn't hang out much at camp,
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so... (laughs)
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so we figured out how to escape and
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go to this Walgreens a few blocks away
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to buy snacks. And we'd just, like,
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sit in the parking lot and talk.
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What would you talk about?
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Literally everything. Like TV,
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music, books that we liked. I mean,
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we were both obsessed with "An Ember in the Ashes"
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at the time. But, um, yeah.
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Clothes, hair, makeup.
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-I see. -But it wasn't like
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all like superficial stuff all the time though.
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Sometimes, we talked about God.
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Like if we truly believed.
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And do you believe? In God?
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Oh, um...
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I mean, it's like complicated.
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I'm pretty good with complicated.
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Well, okay, Humble.
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Cara and I believe that there's a god but not, like,
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some white guy with white hair, you know?
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We're more spiritual.
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We both like the culture of church, of Black church,
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like the music and the clothes and...
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Yeah, the feeling when everyone's excited about a sermon.
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But we like religions in general.
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Cara is obsessed with Egypt, so when we found out
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that there were mummies in Peru, I mean, we got super into that.
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-Why? -Well,
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the Inca kept their mummies around for like generations.
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They believed that there was like this difference
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between biological death, like the,
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you know, dying and becoming a mummy part,
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and social death, which didn't happen until their descendants,
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like, forgot about them.
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So they didn't always keep their mummies in their tombs.
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They like brought them out to do stuff.
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Their family would go to them for advice, or they'd attend,
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like, marriage ceremonies and get danced around even.
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They just had this invisible strength
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that everyone believed in.
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I don't know, it's just...
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It's cool.
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So...
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it's another life, in a way.
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Sort of. Yeah.
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But, without the pain.
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Do you think that life is painful?
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Um...
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I don't know if I like wanna talk about that kind of stuff.
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Brooke: Okay.
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Wait, really?
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Really.
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(sighs)
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-I hate that. -What?
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When you like don't make me do stuff.
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Brooke: You want to hightail it 4,000 miles
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to get away from your grandmother
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who you think is too controlling.
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It's probably not smart for me to
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operate in the same way, right?
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Yeah, but, like, I don't know what to do in here.
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I don't know how to do "this."
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But you're doing it. This is it.
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-Jeez, like I need you to patronize me, too? -What do you need, Laila?
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-Nothing! -Then why do you keep coming back?
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Because of my grand--
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Because like if it helps my grandma get off my back
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about Cara, then I'll do it. I love her.
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Laila, what do you think love is?
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I... don't know. I've never like looked it up.
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Doesn't mean you don't know what it means to you.
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-Yeah, well, you shouldn't use a double negative. -Laila...
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You're doing it again.
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I know.
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(sighs) So I know what love isn't,
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but I know that that's not the way
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you're supposed to define things.
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Well, I wasn't asking for a definition.
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So, love isn't...
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-giving someone a present. -Why not?
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Well, because that makes you feel good.
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It doesn't make someone else feel good.
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Sometimes it does.
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I like getting presents.
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Yeah, but giving someone something isn't the same
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as loving them, I don't think.
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-No? -Well, no.
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My dad gives me everything,
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and that doesn't mean he loves me.
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It just means that he feels bad
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about not spending time with me.
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And worrying about someone all the time, too,
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like my grandma does. That's not loving someone either.
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Why not?
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Well because hoping something bad doesn't happen
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isn't the same as hoping something good will happen.
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So, is loving someone hoping that
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good things are going to happen to them?
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-I guess not. -So...
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what is love?
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Um...
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Mm, I don't know. Not doing anything?
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I-I don't mean not doing anything.
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I just mean it's not, like,
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fixing or-or guiding or...
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I don't know! It-it's like watching or--
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I mean, that sounds creepy, but it's like...
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-Noticing. -Noticing what?
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Laila: Well, everything.
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It's knowing what she wants without her having to say it.
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It's not about, I don't know,
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getting her the mocha Frappuccino.
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It's about knowing the fact that she likes the mocha Frappuccino,
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or whatever the soul-level equivalent
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to a mocha Frappuccino is. I mean, I could be wrong,
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but, in a way,
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love isn't complicated. It's...
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I don't know, just like...
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(sighs)
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paying attention.
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And do you mean physical attention?
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Um...
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-that's not what I was talking about. -Okay, but does it?
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Why would you, like-- why would you ask?
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Because I think
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physical intimacy
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is an important aspect to committed,
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healthy relationships.
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Yes, I know what sex is.
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I'm well aware of that.
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No, I-I'm not talking about--
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Your sex addiction.
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Yeah...
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Sorry about that. I was just trying to--
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Test me.
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I get it.
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I must've sounded ridiculous, didn't I?
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I had my doubts, Laila. (chuckles)
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But,
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I knew you were trying to tell me something.
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(sighs)
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So...
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I don't know. Can we like talk about...
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sex in here?
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Like, actually talk about it?
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There's little I haven't heard on the subject.
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And are other people disappointed in it, too?
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Are you disappointed in it?
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I guess I just have always wanted it
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to be more than what it is.
264
00:12:28,133 --> 00:12:29,666
Brooke: Tell me about that.
265
00:12:32,066 --> 00:12:34,200
I mean, I've had sex. Like...
266
00:12:35,466 --> 00:12:37,566
three boys, and one girl.
267
00:12:39,600 --> 00:12:42,366
When things start really happening, I just...
268
00:12:45,233 --> 00:12:47,400
I kind of start thinking about the wrong stuff.
269
00:12:47,466 --> 00:12:51,533
"Wrong stuff" how? In what way?
270
00:12:51,600 --> 00:12:54,500
I guess I would just start, like, thinking about
271
00:12:54,566 --> 00:12:57,100
my grandma and, like, how...
272
00:12:57,166 --> 00:12:59,333
pissed off she'd be if she knew.
273
00:13:00,500 --> 00:13:02,300
Do you think that's like fucked up?
274
00:13:02,366 --> 00:13:04,066
I think it...
275
00:13:06,500 --> 00:13:09,266
that girls and women
276
00:13:09,333 --> 00:13:13,500
have been conditioned to not be present
277
00:13:13,566 --> 00:13:16,033
in their bodies during sex.
278
00:13:17,633 --> 00:13:18,766
What do you mean?
279
00:13:19,033 --> 00:13:22,033
Society, in general, places importance
280
00:13:22,100 --> 00:13:25,233
on female-identified bodies looking good
281
00:13:25,300 --> 00:13:28,066
during a sexual encounter.
282
00:13:28,133 --> 00:13:31,466
How we feel during a sexual encounter is...
283
00:13:32,266 --> 00:13:34,766
secondary. It...
284
00:13:35,033 --> 00:13:38,566
creates a pervasive dissociative effect,
285
00:13:38,633 --> 00:13:42,033
and that's how you go into your mind with your grandma
286
00:13:42,100 --> 00:13:43,666
and not stay
287
00:13:43,733 --> 00:13:46,433
in the moment, in your body.
288
00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:50,133
You-you ever heard people talk about female orgasm, right?
289
00:13:50,200 --> 00:13:53,200
Yeah. Like you shouldn't expect it to happen every time.
290
00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:55,466
Exactly. It's fickle.
291
00:13:55,533 --> 00:13:57,600
Uh, female sexuality
292
00:13:57,666 --> 00:13:59,666
is mysterious.
293
00:13:59,733 --> 00:14:01,700
Women are unknowable.
294
00:14:01,766 --> 00:14:04,233
Making us come is arduous.
295
00:14:04,300 --> 00:14:08,066
Locating the clitoris is impossible.
296
00:14:08,133 --> 00:14:11,066
You know, that's all broadcast out
297
00:14:11,133 --> 00:14:13,300
to every gender.
298
00:14:13,366 --> 00:14:17,033
Women's feelings are so difficult to determine,
299
00:14:17,100 --> 00:14:18,700
it's not even worth the effort.
300
00:14:18,766 --> 00:14:21,166
I don't believe in any of that.
301
00:14:21,233 --> 00:14:22,766
N-- It's not about belief--
302
00:14:23,033 --> 00:14:26,266
No, no, no. I like my body. I'm not scared of it. And...
303
00:14:27,500 --> 00:14:30,133
And when I'm with Cara, it's not about...
304
00:14:30,200 --> 00:14:33,400
our bodies. It's about our souls, you know?
305
00:14:33,466 --> 00:14:36,400
I wouldn't... I'm able to be with her, and...
306
00:14:36,466 --> 00:14:40,733
I mean, like, truly be together. I just want it to be...
307
00:14:41,000 --> 00:14:45,300
I mean, I don't know. I just-- I'm happy when I'm with her.
308
00:14:45,366 --> 00:14:49,100
I love her more than anyone I've ever met, and honestly? Like,
309
00:14:49,166 --> 00:14:51,300
I've never even kissed the girl.
310
00:14:54,633 --> 00:14:56,266
(sighs)
311
00:14:58,300 --> 00:14:59,366
Hm.
312
00:15:00,766 --> 00:15:05,100
But, I think about that kiss a lot.
313
00:15:05,166 --> 00:15:07,333
I've even told her about our first kiss
314
00:15:07,400 --> 00:15:09,266
without her even knowing.
315
00:15:09,333 --> 00:15:12,100
It sounded like a story that we were writing together,
316
00:15:12,166 --> 00:15:13,766
but for me, it was...
317
00:15:15,266 --> 00:15:17,000
it was our story.
318
00:15:19,033 --> 00:15:20,566
I'd like to hear it.
319
00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:26,666
Well, we're taking that train I told you about.
320
00:15:26,733 --> 00:15:29,700
From Cusco to Machu Picchu.
321
00:15:32,000 --> 00:15:35,100
(sighs) Mm. And...
322
00:15:37,200 --> 00:15:39,700
we're passing by
323
00:15:39,766 --> 00:15:41,633
this rushing river and,
324
00:15:41,700 --> 00:15:45,200
I mean, these incredible mountain vistas.
325
00:15:45,266 --> 00:15:48,566
♪ ♪
326
00:15:48,633 --> 00:15:50,600
(brief chuckle)
327
00:15:50,666 --> 00:15:52,266
And all of a sudden, we realize
328
00:15:52,333 --> 00:15:54,533
that we're just looking at one another.
329
00:16:00,033 --> 00:16:02,433
I raise my hand and...
330
00:16:02,500 --> 00:16:04,300
trace the curve of her neck.
331
00:16:06,533 --> 00:16:08,633
And her lips.
332
00:16:10,066 --> 00:16:11,133
(chuckles)
333
00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:13,766
And the train rocks and...
334
00:16:14,033 --> 00:16:16,233
we move closer and...
335
00:16:17,300 --> 00:16:19,400
it rocks again, and...
336
00:16:22,500 --> 00:16:24,533
it happens.
337
00:16:30,100 --> 00:16:31,200
(quiet sigh)
338
00:16:32,466 --> 00:16:34,766
We're eternal.
339
00:16:40,066 --> 00:16:42,200
-Laila? -Hm?
340
00:16:45,466 --> 00:16:48,133
When you describe the kiss,
341
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,333
what are you feeling?
342
00:16:50,400 --> 00:16:52,666
Uh, I don't know. I'm just, like,
343
00:16:52,733 --> 00:16:55,033
thinking about it.
344
00:16:55,100 --> 00:16:57,533
In your body, as you sit here,
345
00:16:57,600 --> 00:16:59,600
what do you feel?
346
00:16:59,666 --> 00:17:02,733
Laila: Um... tingly?
347
00:17:04,266 --> 00:17:07,033
My fingers. (laughs) My face. I-I don't know.
348
00:17:07,100 --> 00:17:08,466
You-you, like, pulled me out of it,
349
00:17:08,533 --> 00:17:11,733
and now I'm just back sitting in this room with you.
350
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,633
Have you ever heard of somatic therapy, Laila?
351
00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:18,400
Laila: Well, soma means "body" in Latin.
352
00:17:18,466 --> 00:17:20,233
Brooke: It's a body-centered therapy.
353
00:17:20,300 --> 00:17:23,233
Looks at the mind-body relationship,
354
00:17:23,300 --> 00:17:26,700
especially as it relates to trauma.
355
00:17:29,466 --> 00:17:32,100
Okay. Cool.
356
00:17:32,166 --> 00:17:36,066
I'm not an expert, but I can't help feeling this...
357
00:17:36,133 --> 00:17:39,066
this pull to keep you grounded.
358
00:17:40,066 --> 00:17:41,500
In the present,
359
00:17:41,566 --> 00:17:43,133
in your body,
360
00:17:43,200 --> 00:17:45,400
in this room.
361
00:17:45,466 --> 00:17:47,400
Why?
362
00:17:47,466 --> 00:17:50,100
Brooke: I'm still trying to figure that out for myself.
363
00:17:52,733 --> 00:17:55,100
So you, like, don't know everything?
364
00:17:57,433 --> 00:17:59,766
I told you. (laughs)
365
00:18:00,700 --> 00:18:03,466
But, I do think
366
00:18:03,533 --> 00:18:07,000
something important is here, Laila.
367
00:18:07,066 --> 00:18:09,466
And I think it somehow ties
368
00:18:09,533 --> 00:18:11,500
to the discipline
369
00:18:11,566 --> 00:18:14,500
you experienced from your grandmother,
370
00:18:14,566 --> 00:18:18,133
and your tendency towards fantasy,
371
00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:21,100
your constant desire to escape.
372
00:18:21,166 --> 00:18:24,000
Can I just like not care about any of that stuff?
373
00:18:24,066 --> 00:18:26,433
-Any of what? -Like...
374
00:18:26,500 --> 00:18:29,133
(sighs) Like physical stuff, body stuff,
375
00:18:29,200 --> 00:18:30,600
like corporeal stuff,
376
00:18:30,666 --> 00:18:32,233
as you would say it.
377
00:18:32,300 --> 00:18:34,300
Like arms, legs, tits. Like,
378
00:18:34,366 --> 00:18:37,033
what does it even mean, you know?
379
00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:39,766
Our body doesn't always tell the true story about who we are.
380
00:18:40,033 --> 00:18:43,566
I don't know, I... if I always feel like a girl.
381
00:18:43,633 --> 00:18:46,000
There's more to me than that. I don't know if it's, you know,
382
00:18:46,066 --> 00:18:49,233
boy either, but...
383
00:18:49,300 --> 00:18:51,100
(sighs) You know when you're standing
384
00:18:51,166 --> 00:18:54,133
in front of a foggy mirror, and you just can't, like...
385
00:18:54,700 --> 00:18:57,266
find yourself?
386
00:18:59,133 --> 00:19:01,433
Well, that's what I was describing like sex as.
387
00:19:01,500 --> 00:19:03,300
I just feel like...
388
00:19:03,366 --> 00:19:06,100
like there's probably something more.
389
00:19:06,166 --> 00:19:08,466
And not just bodies. Like...
390
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,133
even things.
391
00:19:12,200 --> 00:19:15,333
Like cars or clothes. Like, none of that tells the truth
392
00:19:15,400 --> 00:19:17,400
about who we are.
393
00:19:17,466 --> 00:19:21,766
Like the way I dress. Like my hair, my nails, like...
394
00:19:22,033 --> 00:19:24,266
That's what makes grandma happy. It doesn't show
395
00:19:24,333 --> 00:19:25,700
the truth inside of me, you know?
396
00:19:25,766 --> 00:19:29,300
Honestly, I'm just starting to get to the point where I...
397
00:19:29,366 --> 00:19:31,700
don't need like physical things anymore.
398
00:19:31,766 --> 00:19:35,000
-What do you mean? -Like everything! My entire life,
399
00:19:35,066 --> 00:19:37,300
ever since being here last week, I'm realizing that
400
00:19:37,366 --> 00:19:40,066
I don't need physical things, so I'm getting rid of it.
401
00:19:40,133 --> 00:19:42,466
I'm getting rid of all of it. I'm-I'm selling it.
402
00:19:42,533 --> 00:19:46,566
-You're selling your-- -Yes! My shoes, my clothes, my bags! Like...
403
00:19:46,633 --> 00:19:49,166
Can I interest you in a Chanel Boy bag?
404
00:19:49,233 --> 00:19:52,366
Instant classic, named after Coco's first love.
405
00:19:53,500 --> 00:19:54,500
Tempting.
406
00:19:54,566 --> 00:19:55,633
(scoffs)
407
00:19:58,400 --> 00:19:59,466
(sighs)
408
00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:09,666
I just want, like,
409
00:20:09,733 --> 00:20:12,466
Cara and I to be comfortable
410
00:20:12,533 --> 00:20:14,633
living in Peru for a while.
411
00:20:15,566 --> 00:20:17,166
Like, eventually, yeah.
412
00:20:17,233 --> 00:20:19,666
I'll get a job translating for someone into English.
413
00:20:19,733 --> 00:20:21,300
I'll work at a restaurant, a bar,
414
00:20:21,366 --> 00:20:25,666
but when we first get there, I just want it to be like...
415
00:20:25,733 --> 00:20:29,366
about exploring. About hiking. About Machu Picchu.
416
00:20:29,433 --> 00:20:33,566
-About taking it in, taking each other in. -Laila...
417
00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:37,333
I have to tell you, I'm concerned.
418
00:20:39,533 --> 00:20:41,300
About what?
419
00:20:43,000 --> 00:20:46,100
The way you talk about leaving, it's just...
420
00:20:46,166 --> 00:20:49,133
so much fantasy language.
421
00:20:49,200 --> 00:20:51,166
The happily-ever-after of it all.
422
00:20:51,233 --> 00:20:53,500
-Yeah, I'm excited, so what? -And that's fine.
423
00:20:53,566 --> 00:20:56,000
And I know you and Cara are close,
424
00:20:56,066 --> 00:20:58,266
but you are two individuals
425
00:20:58,333 --> 00:21:01,066
with different hopes and needs.
426
00:21:02,066 --> 00:21:04,633
What if your Machu Picchu
427
00:21:04,700 --> 00:21:06,400
isn't Cara's Machu Picchu?
428
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:09,200
-What happens then? -No, not this again.
429
00:21:09,266 --> 00:21:12,000
"You two are different. Cara's 15, you're 18."
430
00:21:12,066 --> 00:21:14,400
Brooke: I don't think that's where I was going with my question,
431
00:21:14,466 --> 00:21:17,166
Laila, but what happens if things don't go
432
00:21:17,233 --> 00:21:18,733
exactly as you...
433
00:21:20,566 --> 00:21:23,466
Do you remember the fantasy
434
00:21:23,533 --> 00:21:26,200
you told me about saving your grandmother?
435
00:21:26,266 --> 00:21:29,500
Throwing her in the Escalade and taking out
436
00:21:29,566 --> 00:21:32,500
-whoever's in your path who might-- -Yes. Yes.
437
00:21:32,566 --> 00:21:36,000
And do you see that scenario going exactly as you imagine it?
438
00:21:36,066 --> 00:21:38,466
No, of course not!
439
00:21:43,533 --> 00:21:45,566
Look, the whole like Peru thing,
440
00:21:45,633 --> 00:21:47,666
it doesn't have to be like perfect.
441
00:21:47,733 --> 00:21:49,500
And how will you feel if it's not?
442
00:21:50,400 --> 00:21:51,500
How should I know?
443
00:21:51,566 --> 00:21:53,766
Imagine it. You're very good at that.
444
00:21:54,033 --> 00:21:56,266
Wow, you're really starting to piss me off.
445
00:21:57,666 --> 00:22:00,166
-Thank you for telling me-- -Goddammit! You're supposed
446
00:22:00,233 --> 00:22:02,700
to hit me when I say shit like that, not thank me!
447
00:22:02,766 --> 00:22:04,500
Your feelings are valid, whatever they are.
448
00:22:04,566 --> 00:22:07,200
Except for the ones where Cara and I are both in Peru?
449
00:22:07,266 --> 00:22:09,733
I promised you that I would always be honest with you,
450
00:22:10,000 --> 00:22:13,566
and I am not going to break that trust now.
451
00:22:13,633 --> 00:22:17,100
Then fine! Just say it! Say it all then!
452
00:22:17,166 --> 00:22:20,033
If you think I have so much to say,
453
00:22:20,100 --> 00:22:21,400
I'd prefer you say it.
454
00:22:21,466 --> 00:22:24,300
What? That I'm being reckless? Impulsive?
455
00:22:24,366 --> 00:22:27,733
That I'm giving everything up for some grand, impossible idea?
456
00:22:28,000 --> 00:22:29,666
That I'm being immature? Well, yeah!
457
00:22:29,733 --> 00:22:31,466
Maybe I am! Maybe that's just exactly
458
00:22:31,533 --> 00:22:33,633
what I fucking want to be!
459
00:22:34,400 --> 00:22:37,566
(panting)
460
00:22:37,633 --> 00:22:41,166
Like, who the fuck wants to grow up and buy a house and pay bills
461
00:22:41,233 --> 00:22:42,733
and like do laundry? Like,
462
00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:46,166
who even knows how to do any of that?
463
00:22:46,233 --> 00:22:48,533
(sighs) Like, I learned how to tie my shoes
464
00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:50,700
when I was like 11. 11!
465
00:22:50,766 --> 00:22:54,133
Like, I can't do anything! Do you realize that?
466
00:22:54,200 --> 00:22:56,600
I'm not some self-made boss-ass bitch like you.
467
00:22:56,666 --> 00:22:59,166
I am fucking useless!
468
00:23:04,166 --> 00:23:06,000
(shaky breathing)
469
00:23:07,700 --> 00:23:10,000
Like, if you put a book in front of me,
470
00:23:10,066 --> 00:23:12,166
I'm gonna read it. If you give me an essay,
471
00:23:12,233 --> 00:23:14,766
I'll fucking write it. But ask me what side of the car
472
00:23:15,033 --> 00:23:18,366
my gas tank is on, I have no idea!
473
00:23:18,433 --> 00:23:20,466
My dad takes it and fills it up at the dealership
474
00:23:20,533 --> 00:23:22,200
whenever it gets low. Like,
475
00:23:22,266 --> 00:23:25,333
I am a joke! Do you realize that?
476
00:23:25,400 --> 00:23:28,733
These hands, they honestly do not do shit!
477
00:23:29,000 --> 00:23:30,233
But up here?
478
00:23:30,300 --> 00:23:32,600
I mean, of course, like, I have some
479
00:23:32,666 --> 00:23:34,566
hopeful dream towards my future.
480
00:23:34,633 --> 00:23:36,533
At least it's one where I can actually
481
00:23:36,600 --> 00:23:37,766
do something!
482
00:23:38,033 --> 00:23:40,366
If not, I'm just sitting in my dorm room at Berkeley,
483
00:23:40,433 --> 00:23:42,300
texting my girlfriend in code,
484
00:23:42,366 --> 00:23:45,100
while my grandma is off in the communal living area,
485
00:23:45,166 --> 00:23:48,600
making Top Ramen for us, and if that's the fucking case...
486
00:23:49,566 --> 00:23:52,033
Dr. Taylor, then I'd rather die!
487
00:23:56,500 --> 00:23:57,600
(quiet exhale)
488
00:24:02,566 --> 00:24:04,733
Thank you for telling me that.
489
00:24:11,633 --> 00:24:14,700
♪ ♪
490
00:24:41,300 --> 00:24:44,333
♪ ♪
491
00:25:11,333 --> 00:25:14,400
♪ ♪
35515
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