Original subtitles

EIGHT POSTCARDS FROM UTOPIA

1. HISTORY OF THE ROMANIANS

Romanians are a paradox.

Heirs of the Dacians,

but also descendants of Rome.

Join the game!

Look for the golden Pepsi cap.

See you in London!

DARE FOR MORE

All roads lead to...

Bucur LLC

THE MODERN LATIN FOR EVERYBODY

Athos, for men who feel like men!

In the Middle Ages, manuscripts were copied by hand.

A painstaking task.

But the fidelity of the copies was perfect,

only matched today by Konica photocopiers.

Great party, sire!

What else should we save room for?

For pastrami, frankfurter, Krakauer,

cabanossi, champignons, smoked fillet, ham that melts in your mouth,

decadent turkey roulade,

turkey bologna, turkey salami, even turkey ham!

Meat roll, smoked chicken, poultry paté,

ground meat, mutton and beef, and so much more!

What is this?

A hamburger! All brought by the mighty wizard Caroli!

Grandfather once told me we are heirs of Stephen the Great.

Later I came to Bucharest and sued the Romanian state to claim Moldova.

It must be worth billions.

Billions!

You want money? Play City Bingo!

Brother, are we alone?

And my brave soldiers?

They don't want to get covered in mud.

They said the stains won't come out.

Let me see your might now!

Clean the tablecloth!

You get the girl, I get Dero Activ!

Hello!

- Grandpa! - So good to see you!

I've missed our unique food!

His passion for good food led Josef Theil, 90 years ago,

to open a cold cuts factory in Sibiu.

Using the best meat, refined spices and a traditional preservation method,

Meister Theil invented a famous paté recipe.

CARAMEL FLAVOUR

MOCHA

Kinana!

Get up, Nilă!

Why are you hitting me?

Uncle, let me join the Party.

- Will you honour the Party? - Yes!

You're in!

- For the Imperial Party! - Long live imperialism!

Imperial Vodka. For imperialism!

FEBRUARY 1987, 5 AM

MEAT

The lorry is coming!

- Don't cut in front! - I didn't!

At least we're healthy.

Ceaușescu! Ceaușescu!

Considering the--

First, you earned your right to speak freely.

Now you speak for free!

Hello! Comrades!

Comrades!

- Pepsi comes in one liter! - Arbiter?

One liter!

The deposit bottle, you get money for it!

With the quality screw cap!

- Pepsi comes in One liter! - Commie beater?

It's like the movies!

The cooking? Just like dear old Mother's!

Everything you dreamed of: a normal, elegant place.

Of course, Simfonia Restaurant, in the Victoria Casino!

Come join me now!

As a new world is born, this place is reborn!

We interrupt this programme for breaking news.

Shrimp chips are back in Romania!

This could have been a pawnshop.

Or a wholesale warehouse.

Or a gambling parlour.

But I chose Fresco.

The foodstuff investment that always pays off!

Fresco. My partner!

Universul Newspaper. Read before it goes bankrupt!

Nowadays, your economies seem to fly in the wind.

BANC POST S.A.

In Romania, a burglary takes place every 20 minutes.

For an unsafe world, Asirom Insurance.

So that you can buy a loaf of bread!

No, two! Three!

THE NEW PHONE NUMBER FORMAT

SHERIFF'S

In our new issue: A revolutionary's last words.

The truth about the miners' riots.

The daily life of the last heirs of Count Dracula.

Full guide for immigrating to Germany.

Captivating subjects for our captivating lives!

In a hostile world, you need an ally.

Tinerama, your friend! Maybe the only one.

NO PEPSI, NO WORK, NO WORK, NO PEPSI!

These small devices allow you to receive messages at any hour,

in and near Bucharest!

The Motorola pagers sold by Elicom LLC

will always make you stand out!

With Tarom, all our national team's roads lead to the World Cup!

Fantastic prizes! Everyone wins with Colgate-Palmolive!

- Do you want this Bosch washing machine? - Yes!

It's only 3rd prize!

- This Bosch fridge-freezer? - Yes!

Only 2nd prize!

- You want this car? - Yes!

This is the Grand Prize!

Colgate-Palmolive offers Samsung colour TVs

to any store selling its products!

- You want these prizes? - Yes!

Try bringing a canary into your kitchen.

If it's agitated, your old gas cylinder is not safe.

Don't risk it! Use the new Shell Gas cylinders!

Use only the taxis from Perrozzi Valentino.

Civilised transport triumphs through Perrozzi Valentino!

For every ride outside Bucharest, we waive the return fare.

29th of August, 1994: Disco "Why Not?" celebrates its grand opening.

You are welcome on 11 Turturele St.

The newest light and sound systems, free parking, three bars...

Prisma: faster, cheaper, convenient shopping!

At European standards!

Buy now from Prisma!

20 kilometers from the centre of Bucharest!

Bancorex knows your time is money.

Use our MultiCash service.

Save tedious trips, make your schedule less busy.

Misunderstood democracy!

They gain your trust, then they're gone!

Less talk about privatisation, more talk about reforms!

Me, I think we should wait and see. My two cents!

Libertatea. Reporting to the point! Now country-wide.

This newspaper, Ziua,

and its shameless manager,

who acts like a mercenary,

former paid informer for the Secret Police,

has the cheek to call me...

He writes of my relationship with Gorbachev.

Yes.

What belongs to all belongs to no one.

August 1st is the start of the great privatisation race.

You must win it too!

The Mass Privatisation Programme.

Get your individual coupon. It is your right.

You, too, can be a business owner.

1st of August 1995.

The biggest privatisation programme in Romanian history.

Get your coupon!

- Hello, love. - I was thinking of you!

The holidays are coming. Guess what I got you!

- A perfume. - Not exactly.

- A watch? - Oh, no!

- Jewellery! - No.

I got you 3,000 GEPA shares!

- That's 3 million lei! - It's a lasting gift!

The prettiest gift!

Gift your loved ones GEPA shares!

A gift, a little better.

You thought of Intercontinental and Lido hotels like they were yours.

Because, in these changing times, they are always there.

Solid buildings, solid business, solid profit.

Invest now in Intercontinental shares

and the Intercontinental and the Lido will be yours!

The National Investment Fund protects and multiplies your investment.

Here is why.

Over 300 million syringes are sold yearly for 300 lei each.

Gelsor offers you shares in Sanevit,

Romania's only single-use syringe factory.

The 30th of September is a few days away.

Hurry and get your coupon!

We don't promise a better world, we create it.

Mondragon has provided farmers with much-needed equipment.

I am Enrico Ferrero, general manager of New Holland Romania.

I am here to give you crucial information for agriculture.

New Holland, the world's greatest producer of farming equipment,

intends to further develop its presence in Romania.

We will join IndAgra,

Bucharest's first international farming equipment fair.

At Euro '96, I'll be on the field!

Buy Pepsi and you can join me!

Speed and comfort.

Speed and diversified services.

Speed and elegance.

Speed and affordable prices.

Only with our trains.

So you think you're so smart!

A newspaper for Bucharestians only. Now with a supplement!

- Have you got a Bucharest ID? - Uh...

Read Libertatea!

Birta LLC.

For us, the future started yesterday!

EVERY YEAR...

1,000,000 PEOPLE WILL COME...

WHERE THE LEGEND LIVES.

Invest in our most daring tourism project, Dracula Park!

THE TIME IS COMING... TO INVEST! 1 SHARE = 1,000 LEI

WELCOME FOREVER

DRACULA PARK

Collecting old laptops!

Collecting old CRT TVs!

Mouse, hands off that recycle bin! Now we're upgraded!

- Will you take a 486? - Sure, chief.

TFT, get the gentleman's computer!

Giddy-up, Floppy!

Collecting old dot matrix printers!

Collecting old CRT monitors!

IT'S EASY TO BUY A NEW COMPUTER

A dime, chief?

I have five little brothers!

You think I'm lying?

Look here.

Six brothers in all. Zoom in for yourself.

Now anyone can buy from Altex!

Because Altex has super-sales!

Itching for some?

You'll get burned!

Bribe gets you in prison. Choose to denounce it!

Can I have the milk?

Maybe we'll never be Germans.

But if I don't start acting civilised, who will?

Because Romania will grow through decency and responsibility.

I'm moving into a four room flat and starting my own web store.

I mean business!

Everything is possible in 2008.

- And the crisis they talk about on TV? - Bah, on TV!

The crisis can't touch me!

Hey, mate! Let's have a beer!

Should I put this on your tab?

Good stuff stays good through the bad times!

NETWORK BROADCAST MESSAGE FROM NOWHERE: S.O.S.

WHO ARE YOU?

WHERE ARE YOU?

2. MONEY TALKS

We all strive to multiply your money.

Again.

We all strive to multiply your money.

More smiling and more determined.

We all strive to multiply your money!

- We all strive to multiply your money! - Quiet! Start again.

We all strive to multiply your money!

A bit flat.

His face is shiny.

OK.

It's better, we're getting there.

We all strive to multiply your money!

I can't smile while I talk.

- Alright. - I just can't.

We all strive to multiply your money.

We all strive to multiply your money!

Where does the accent go?

We all strive to multiply your money!

Accent on "we all".

- Alright? - Yes, "we all".

We all strive to multiply your money.

A bit of accent on "your" too, don't let it fall flat.

OK.

We all strive to multiply your money.

We all strive to multiply your money.

To multiply "your" money!

I see.

- To stress that it's their money. - Got it.

So accent that. Attention!

We all strive to multiply your money!

Perfect. Once again, smiling.

We all strive to multiply your money.

More accent on "your", like before.

We all strive to multiply your money!

But smile a bit more, you got tense again.

- Just relax. - I'm not tense, I'm a serious man.

We--

Quiet! Look into the camera.

We all strive to multiply your money.

Again.

We all strive to multiply your money.

- Cut. Is that good? - Yes.

Alright, we're done.

This winter, Omniasig gets snowed under...

500 million lei!

Three million or the great prize:

A sack filled with 200 million lei!

Even more money!

Come to BRD Bank!

WHO WANTS TO BE A BILLIONAIRE?

Play now on your mobile phone!

GET READY TO BE RICH!

WANT TO BE A BILLIONAIRE?

- Thank you. - And Mr Ioan Câmpean from Cluj!

Thank you.

Now that you are the happy owners of 12.5 million each,

how will you use it?

I will deposit it back into the Romanian Investment Fund.

Dacia Felix Bank thanks its partners.

Thank you, Domenia Credit!

I got the loan in one week!

Send the caps and the answer to this address!

You can win one of the five gold bars!

We help protect your savings from inflation.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

HAPPY NEW MONEY!

3. THE TECHNOLOGICAL REVOLUTION

ELECTRONICA STORES AT OBOR METRO STATION

Tests done at the Swiss Société Générale de Surveillance

using not one, but 27 types of common stains,

have proven...

...it's nothing serious.

Just the special technology used in our meat plant.

Frucade!

BioTropic. Goes down in one gulp!

Dulcolax is an effective laxative

which follows your body's traffic signs

to reach the colon, where it acts safely and delicately.

Headaches!

Joint aches!

Toothaches!

"What is the cause?" doctors wonder.

The intelligent ZPT particles remove 100% of dandruff,

and help prevent it for a beautiful--

...helps breathing without drying the--

...in-depth cleaning and whitening without damaging textiles--

...quick and lasting pain relief.

...replenishes magnesium--

...cuts close to the root--

...penetrates textiles for deep cleaning.

...helps the liver regenerate so you can enjoy--

...creates an anti-dandruff layer which other shampoos will remove.

You can't afford to lose hair!

Dandruff is a symptom of problems causing hair loss.

Made especially for men, the new Head Shoulders Hair Endurance

removes up to 100% of dandruff and helps you keep your hair!

It's not a product, it's a technological revolution for your hair!

Meet the Cooltronic 2010! The automatic hair-washing machine!

As you see, it's super-chic, with a friendly interface.

One button press and you're in a vortex of pleasure!

We're flying to Venus and you want an apple?

Yes.

We're on!

Truth is, I used to eat tasty apples!

Cardinali are so tasty

you want them any time, anywhere!

4. MAGICAL MIRAGE

Audio-video equipment, home appliances, cassettes, clocks,

satellite dishes, private construction both in Romania and abroad,

export and intermediation for foodstuffs.

Adagrirom.

Royal. For perfect detail!

The perfection of colour, the magic of sound,

the elegance of the lines.

A MIRACLE IN DETERGENT LAND

Behold the immaculate white!

What could this be?

Should I press it? Let's try together.

The effect of Blitz Detergent!

MADE BY THE FRENCH METHOD

You want your creations to rival the great fashion labels?

Bobac Bacău offers textiles made of wool and wool imitations.

Biborțeni mineral water! You will feel born again!

Amigo Especial.

Supernatural!

Gerovital Plant.

The golden charm that conquered the world.

Gerovital Plant. For eternal youth!

Unique.

Perfect.

Cleaning products by Perind!

Pambac, the tastiest!

Al Ghazal. Fresh, delicious American peanuts.

...and other products! More details in the press!

FEELING WEAK?

Tune in to Coca Cola, the frequency of friendship!

Win 100,000 pagers, subscription-free!

For a limited time only!

Hoppy candy!

Cardinali are so tasty you want them any--

Your little angels deserve the best!

Where there is a great feast,

there is a mountain of greasy dishes!

But the new Axion Solid

removes grease as if by miracle!

With Axion Solid, you get more for your time.

With its reserve, you get more for your money!

You feel relaxed

Winter has come again

It's so big!

Look, honey!

ROMANIAN INSURANCE

Sarah. I melt for it!

5. THE AGES OF MAN

I'm so happy to be a new mother!

But when I was pregnant, doing the laundry was so difficult.

Tide makes both me and my family happy!

When you are 11 months old

you grow with almost 1/2 mm per day.

Every morning you air the room for the health of the little one.

But his skin needs air too, in order to be healthy.

Now, his bottocks are fresh at all times.

When I grow up I'll be a footballer.

I want to be Schumacher!

Your child relies on you.

Be with him always!

Victoria LLC offers wafers, cookies, instant mix powders.

His older sister chose his decorations.

His mother chose his haircut.

Mum packed an extra.

- I want the one with ham. - Me too.

I like it!

She's nice! Pity she's not a boy.

Aren't you old enough to choose for yourself?

Candy by Silvana!

Soft drinks by Skip

All natural flavours

Soft drinks by Skip

Woodpeckers or ringed pigeons are birds we call sedentary.

Making noise in my class? Out!

The rest of you, surprise test!

It's healthy,

improves eyesight, muscle strength and immunity.

Take out your food for inspection!

What's with all these chemicals?

To make it in this country, you need first muscle, then brains!

Eat dairy! Calcium helps you grow.

Like him!

So this cave is like a tooth cavity?

In a way.

Water kept eroding the stone, just as cavities harm teeth.

That will happen to my teeth?

- Unless you brush with Colgate! - After each meal!

I do brush with Colgate. It tastes delightful!

The kids wanted to feed the pigs.

But at the end, you could hardly tell them apart!

Look at yourselves! I have to do laundry again!

And detergents are so expensive! Now what?

But, Mum, there's the new Aris Plus!

Cheaper than other detergents, but much more effective!

You wanted to play football, but you wore glasses.

Highschool basketball? You were too short.

Delicious Novatini chocolates.

The things you'd do for them!

Why am I so sad?

Because you don't have any friends!

But where could I find friends?

And the winner is...

Santa Claus from the North Pole!

This coupon is not valid, we will redraw.

Easy, you'll ruin your teeth!

Go! Big fun! Undress!

More! More!

A little closer to the doctor, please.

Come closer.

HAPPY WITH YOUR NEW CAMERA?

I know you can do it! One more!

Bravo, you made it!

I know you can! Live your dream!

Choose a military career!

A campaign by the Ministry of Defense.

Happy in your new bathroom?

You used to hate it as a kid, but now you love it!

If you use a Gillette, of course.

Hey there! Recognise me?

I'm you, 18 years later!

Got you this, straight from the future!

You know why you come back to Cora!

Cookies, anyone?

Alright.

Best reason to move out!

Whisper, the best a man can get

Gillette

Give him a great start of the year

For 2013.

We've been queuing for hours!

Tell me about it! So, do you...

Făureanu Constantin, take this woman...

This Saturday, Domo pays your VAT!

And now, the gifts!

From the groom's parents, a fridge and an AC unit!

From the bride's parents, a washing machine! Convertible!

- Plus a mobile phone! - Plus an immobile phone!

Our daughter isn't a stray dog!

The constant problem.

My shoes lose their shine.

Many solutions, no results.

I needed a revelation and I found it, Baran!

I'll take care of everything. You can go home.

FRIDAY, 13:55

You really took care of everything?

With skill!

You can't keep it for yourself!

- Let me hear your requests. - What?

- Tell me your wishes. - A computer!

Of course, sir. Fill in the application form.

YOU LIKE GAMING?

- Are those from the Red Socks Factory? - No, Selgros.

You go to Selgros just for red socks?

No, for their great meat. These were extra.

What are you doing?

And the Hong Kong delivery? Has the bank written?

Hello, customs?

Hello, sir. Did you get the papers?

- Cargo delivered. - Documents signed.

Money's been transferred.

Antistress with multivitamins and trace elements.

For the strength to stay calm!

When you least expect it...

it can all come crashing down.

We have a tradition in beer drinking.

I learned it from my Grandpapa and my Papa.

I follow the tradition!

Let's ride that!

I'm an airplane pilot!

- This is awesome! - I'm sick.

To each their luck.

And if you've got no luck... It's on me today!

Noroc! Cheers. The best popular beer.

We Romanians are always hospitable.

We love a full house and a full table.

If we have the means.

Every man is the maker of his fortune!

Lunch is here!

Who will know? The cellar's full of whisky and champagne.

Look here!

"Cereal-based heater for the soul!"

Hurry up, I'm colder than a polar bear!

Polar. Bloody cold!

Basic tasks feel exhausting?

Is your liver acting up?

I slaved for years to buy my parents a house

and never thought of myself. Is it normal?

It's excellent!

You are more mature. Our private pension funds may help.

Utilities, phone bill, the bank...

Everyone wants our money!

Dad, can I borrow the car?

- Don't scratch it. - Of course not!

Take care of it! One day it will be yours.

- Dad. It's about the car. - What?

Tripe soup stains? We never eat that!

I hate it!

Dad hated tripe soup!

Granddad hated tripe soup!

How could we ever get tripe soup stains?

The neighbours carried in a brand new Phillips TV.

I've been listening for a week to learn where they got the money!

Mum!

Your house is smoking!

Grandpa's tricks again!

Meat rolls are ready!

Smelling good costs money!

This is cheap and leaves laundry clean and perfumed!

Happy birthday to you

Play us a grief one, its days are numbered!

Autumn is here. Wait, it's here?

I have to keep my old heart warm.

With Saga tea.

Flavoured teas by Saga.

Flavoured teas by Saga.

Remember: Saga! With an S, like "tea".

Also good cold.

Get me another one!

He's had tea!

I'm too old already!

Wow, gorgeous!

Swedish bitter, the elixir of youth.

A tonic made of 32 plants.

Exclusive distributor for Romania: Transilvania General Import-Export.

Aspacardin. Take any shock with a calm heart!

Each second, one of us suffers a heart attack.

It could be you!

What is this?

A butterfly.

What is this?

I told you, it's a butterfly!

- What is this? - Stop it! It's a butterfly!

And now we wake up!

I don't think I can take hundreds of kilometers more.

Hello.

Is Mr Georgescu home?

His application for a phone was approved.

Hear that, Ionel? They came to install your phone.

6. FOUND POETRY

Sometimes I'm happy.

Other times I'm sad.

...but guests will be guests and stains will be stains!

To defeat all obstacles,

you have to be in top shape, physically and mentally!

Optima. The ideal machine!

It kills, fights, destroys

flies, moths, wasps, ants, fleas, cockroaches!

Defensive.

Aggressive.

Adhesive!

The same low price.

- Better washing. - Really?

And amazing freshness!

Health, vitality, perfect balance!

- Something delicious? - And fresh.

And special.

Modern,

practical,

super-finished!

...and a sprightly dance!

118-932, save it now!

I'm talking to you! You never listen!

What lies beyond words?

Beyond words...

are, first of all...

people.

Hello?

Communication is perfect

No wonder it's the talk of the town.

Never solitary, always solidary!

Practical, elegant furniture,

to accompany you in your imaginary travels.

Rio, wherever you live

Rio, ask and you shall receive

- I would offer you a cruise to-- - No!

I prefer Mercur Stores.

You want a quiet place, without a crowded beach?

You love the sun, or maybe shady spots?

You like clear waters and boat rides?

You want to rest at noon or at night?

You want exceptional service throughout the day?

Find it all just a few kilometers from Bucharest,

in Căldărușani, where we at Trident

think nothing is too expensive for our guests' comfort!

Call 37...

Only the skies are higher

Ever higher

Higher than us

Beyond words there is the technology.

We sell harvesters on credit through BCR and Bankcoop

based on Government Decision 352/1995,

subsidising 75% of the interest rate,

to natural and legal entities in agricultural production,

including lessees through Law 83/1993.

In case of side effects, ask your doctor or pharmacist.

Beyond words there are feelings.

I'm the June kitten of Penthouse.

Want to hear erotic stories from me and the other kittens?

Think she'll get it?

Me, I think she will!

Call 0238...

Cristim, with plenty of meat!

Are you a tits expert? Win millions!

Call now and identify the tits.

Yes, my dears, it's me, Mircea Albulescu.

I advise you to do like I do.

I am Stela Popescu, but you know that.

I am Mariana Brăescu, but my readers call me Mrs CasaLux.

How much, madam? That's highway robbery!

Our company awards the yearly Ms CasaLux Trophy

to Romania's most beautiful homes and gardens.

CasaLux Trophy! Washed your hair today?

Impeccable, unbeatable!

Tuborg Golden Summer is here!

An experience as intense as life in Romania!

That's life, that's the trick: Steal and get rich quick!

This is Russian vodka.

You are wrong! It's Dakk.

Romanian vodka!

Drink it just once and you will fall in love with it.

The taste of perfection, the perfection of taste!

THE TASTE OF THE TASTY TASTE

What do you do when hungry? You just eat!

The soup is exquisite!

I assure you, dear, it's the pasta that makes it delicious!

Premium pasta, made in Craiova!

Danke turns you into a German.

Since zee great German bakeries, none haz made bread like diz!

Everywone who'z tazted it knowz!

The only Japanese within your reach.

Royal Loyalty! Pleasure with no limits.

What do you do when sleepy? You just sleep!

Elba.

The light that surrounds you.

Zass. The pleasure of watching!

I am Simona and I'm burning with passion!

Where are you, stallions?

That's an oil dip!

Oil dip!

It's a pleasure to touch!

I am myself and I like to win.

My hair gives me confidence!

I look tough 'cause of my eyebrows

If I frown, bros run in fear

Smells like you spent a lot!

You want a solid business? You don't know what to invest in?

You want safety for your old age but also for your children?

You want your shares to have value?

You want a good income? You want to safeguard your future?

CARE

Bilal, a normal soap.

SPARK PLUGS FOR DIESEL ENGINES SINTERED PARTS FOR CLUTCHES AND BRAKES

Let's see if it passes the housewives' test!

- Did it pass? - Yes.

It passed the test!

I'm so happy to celebrate with you the Holy Easter!

Text the word "fantasy" to 1619.

Cool!

7. THE ANATOMY OF CONSUMPTION

PRICE COMPARISONS DRIVING YOU MAD?

This smells so good!

IT SMELLS LOVELY

IT HAS ATMOSPHERE

Such rich taste!

OK, I know, I shouldn't talk with a full mouth

But I'm not dropping Naty for a discussion with you!

It's very good!

So good!

WHICH DEEPLY CLEANS THE SKIN

AND SPECIAL NOURISHING PROPERTIES

A tiny sip, to be polite.

Everyone in the village does it!

A GOOD REASON TO GET RID OF OLD THINGS

8. MASCULINE FEMININE

I like natural things.

So sweet!

So full of chocolate!

What is the feminine secret?

Some have excellent coverage,

some are easy to apply,

others pass the test of time.

But only one is above them all.

Romania's most manly men.

Inline-four engine, needs a new spark plug.

Hi, Roberta.

You were right, these pantyhose fit me well!

Unita insurance!

You want to prove you're a real football supporter?

Shave with Gillette every morning!

They are delicate and stylish.

They have a seductive perfume and are easy to get.

If you miss the pleasures of summer,

Ciuc gives you--

I'd like them blonde, pretty, over 1 meter 70, under 25.

Preferably students.

If you're feeling too shy

If you don't dare tell her what you want

Reach out, get a taste, it will be OK!

- We only spoke on the phone. - Never face to face?

No, but she'll be here any minute!

- How will she recognise you? - No worries!

But lo and behold, this time,

Cinderella didn't lose her shoe.

Because she was wearing CaraSoho!

Blonde...

or dark?

Both of them!

Arbema beer!

- Is yours getting hard yet? - No!

45 MINUTES LATER...

- Still not hard? - Just starting to.

When a beautiful woman gets a flat on the freeway,

she becomes nervous, very nervous!

When she gets out, looks at the engine,

and realises she's clueless,

only then should you approach.

- Am I on camera, Officer? - I just want an autograph.

Nice specimen!

I have an important question.

Does your food supplement contain lactoferrin?

Our Merci buzzer reminds you daily of what you need to do!

A good friend: the peanuts of exceptional quality

from German corporation Felix.

GOES DOWN SO WELL!

Too loose here, too loose there. What's happening?

Some caresses awaken memories that take you to a new world.

A world of fantasies and absolute pleasure.

Make your fantasies come true at a regular-charge number.

No extra fee!

Yes! Yes!

Extra Arabica. The start of every day!

You look great today! Why?

My beauty, want to dance?

Dero. My only helper!

A unique product in Romania!

American sponge, saturated with soap.

Protects your hands as well as the dishes.

From now on, Rocky 8!

For putting the toilet seat back down,

for compulsory military service,

and because women drive on public roads!

Because we shouldn't swear,

because even if you f*** or not, the cock grows tired,

because we have to get them a ring,

because they show figure skating on TV!

Brothers, for all these reasons

and because of the 14th of February and the 1st and 8th of March,

we deserve a World Men's Day!

We have a right to be free on our day!

We love each other, so shouldn't we share everything?

His passions are my passions.

As for his successes...

- Has that slag made the coffee? - Yes.

- She didn't forget the sugar? - No.

- What, are you nervous? - No, are you?

The banana is for Mum.

Mum's going to take a shower. Eat up!

I'll see you online!

Hello!

The girls from last night say hi!

You never called back!

Who is she, Vasile?

My love!

We won at SuperBingo, pack the bags!

Super! So, the seaside or the mountains?

Neither. You go back to your mum's.

Your mum is such a drama queen!

FLOWERS

- JEWELLRY - You're so insensitive!

You never listen!

My hair is ruined!

WEAPONS

"Sorry." No!

A marriage can last for two whole weeks!

Now I am happy and free. Return to me!

Together we will plunge into the night.

Yesterday I discovered Veronica.

Come here, dear!

Sweet indeed, but not like you!

My peach cake!

I will never turn down life's small pleasures!

EPILOGUE: THE GREEN APOCALYPSE

YOU SEE SNOWFLAKES IN THE WINDOW