All language subtitles for Assault of the Party Nerds xx

Nothing is wrong. The baby loves his
ride. It's why I break cold sweat in the

middle of the night. Chill on the phone,
yeah, through and through.

All I want to do is drive all night with
you.

One Friday night, about half past eight,
I was cruising BTA to a 78.

Picked up soap, it's a good looking day.
Gotta keep going or it gets too late.

So go, go, go, everything's fine. Go,
go, go, we'll be right on time.

Everything is always all right.

When we're driving all night.

Driving all night.

Driving all night.

Driving all night.

Pull up your hippie in a cool 57.

He has large eyes and a sleazy
girlfriend.

Didn't know exactly what I should do.

Pulled out a gun and then I knew I could
go, go, go.

Everything fine.

Go, go, go. Been right all time.

Everything is always all right.

Been driving all night.

Driving all night.

Driving all night.

Driving all night.

Don't suffer when I put you through the
gear.

Make my hair ruffle and take away my
hair.

Come on, pretty baby, let's drive all
night. And go, go, go, everything's

Go, go, go, we'll be right outside.

Everything is always all right when
you're driving all night.

Nothing is wrong if baby loves his ride.
Why break cold sweat in the middle of

night? Heal the bone, yeah, through and
through.

All I want to do is drive all night. And
go, go, go, everything's fine. Go, go,

go, we'll be right on time.

Everything is always all right when
we're driving all night.

Driving all night.

Driving all night.

Driving all night.

Tendous People Supreme Divorce Court.
Come on, I love that show.

Oh, me too.

Did you see the one where the Rajneesh
Babakan was taking 14 -year -old girls

into the mountains and doing all kinds
of things to them after he got them to

sign over their savings bonds? Yeah, and
then when their mother went up there,

she signed over the house and the car
and the family business. Exactly, and

when the husband found out, he tried to
sue her for divorce on account of giving

away everything he had.

But they found out that he was
depositing all his assets into his

the Rajneesh got to keep it all.

I can't believe you guys take this
bullshit seriously.

What do you mean bullshit, man? All
these shows are taken from real, real

people.

Hey

guys,

what's the good word?

I'm telling you, it's all real shows.

Hey, where are these three butt -naked
girls doing in our hallway?

You're full of it, man.

It's your two bucks. Would you like
Mary, Sue, Marlo, or

Dana?

This is Sid Witherspoon, Supreme Grand
Master and President of Lambda Alpha

calling from National Headquarters.

Would you be asking too much?

to have Chapter President Richard
Spencer come to the phone.

Uh, yeah, uh, one minute.

Hello, Brother Supreme Master Sid, uh,
local President Richard Spencer here.

Brother Spencer?

Who was that I was talking to?

Uh, that was, uh, Pledge Smith, sir, uh,
Alex Smith.

Uh, you know those freshmen, they can
get pretty cocky. I don't remember any

recruits on the pledge list last
semester.

Well, uh, he was added a little late.
The, uh...

We Lambdas over here at State have some
real high standards, and we thought we

needed some more time to evaluate them.

I can see, though, that even though we
did take the time to size up the

situation, our judgment was in error. I
will see to it that Pledge Smith is

expelled.

That's very good, Richard. We don't want
any deadbeats becoming Lambdas.

I agree wholeheartedly, sir.

Which brings me to the reason why I
called.

Yes, sir?

According to our records here at
National Headquarters, I noted that your

chapter has only four members.

Is that true?

Four quality members, sir.

And that you're all graduating seniors.

That's true. We're all graduating in
June, sir.

Even that ignoramus Charlie Phelps is
graduating, correct?

Everyone deserves their day in the sun,
don't they, sir?

You see, when you boys leave, assuming
that you'll all graduate, there'll be

nothing left of Lambda Alpha Eta at
State University.

Oh, that would be too bad, sir.

Well, I'm glad you understand, Richard.

Those were some of the happiest days of
my life.

And I'd hate to see it all end over
there at State.

Now, I know you feel the same way.

And you'd never let that happen.

Would you, son?

How did he do that?

Uh, no, sir.

Let me tell you.

I will do everything humanly possible to
ensure that the traditions of good old

Lambda Alpha Eta are carried on for
years to come.

Well, I'm glad we had this little chat,
Richard.

And if there's anything I can do with
your recruiting efforts, you just give

a call.

I will, sir. Thank you.

Lambda Alpha Eta forever, sir.

Bye. Goodbye.

What a boy.

Well, that last official bullshit call
for us, they won't be calling again till

spring. You never know, I may still be
here.

Still have to pass the math competency
test.

God, I am getting so big.

Women already fight over me.

What can happen next?

I can't wait till tomorrow.

Oh, yeah? Why is that?

Because I get better looking every day.

I would hope so, starting with such
humble beginnings.

Hey, enough of this internal squabbling.

I mean, let's face the truth.

We're all studs.

But listen, I've got this little problem
that I might need your guys' help to

deal with.

Sure thing, bud.

Do you want me to kick someone's ass? I
think that might be a bit harsh.

You know that dweeb Richie from Lambda
Alpha Eta?

Yeah. Well, that son of a bitch was
supposed to let me cheat off his

anthropology midterm. Yeah? So what
happened? So I got my test back today,

it had a big one -legged A on it. A
what?

A fail, Chip.

Hell, bud.

I got a D, and I answered A for
everything.

Yeah, but see, that's not what we're
talking about here. See, that son of a

bitch, he got an A. So that can only
mean that he purposely slipped me the

answers. Why would he do that?

Zeta Alpha Mu won't stand for this sort
of thing.

Will we I gotta kick his ass I Need some
time to think

about just the right way to handle this
one

So

I think we should go with the anti -drug
project it would be really good for

everybody well

It would look good on my resume.

But I want to do the fraternity project.

We've done this every year. Don't you
think it's about time we do something

might make a difference?

The only reason you don't want to do the
fraternity project is because Richie's

in the geek house. They're not geeks.
They're just different.

Oh, that's an understatement.

I mean, have you ever seen these guys?

We are talking major league geek -o
-rama.

I mean, don't you think it's a little
queer going out with a guy who wears an

earring? Take two, you'll feel better.

Bam! I've seen this one already.

Me too.

The school teacher really was trying to
help the kids after class.

About the nurse.

That's another story.

I guess no one ever told her. You don't
have to give second graders hernia

examinations twice a week.

I wish I was one of those kids.

What?

I wish I was one of those kids that got
molested.

I guess any action is better than no
action. That's not what I mean.

Each one of those kids got awarded a
million bucks.

Waller, did you sell that car yet?

How can you sell a car with 560 ,000
miles on it? It's not how many miles on

It's how many it has left. Well, get a
clue, Charlie. No one's going to buy

old pile of shit.

Why don't you back off him? Yeah, back
off.

You know, guys, we've all been in this
fraternity for four years now.

Some of us more.

Don't you think it's time we got
something out of it?

I mean, maybe old Witherspoon has a
point.

There is something to be said for
tradition and leaving a legacy.

Or at least being remembered for
something.

We could all come and go without anybody
noticing.

Wally, you've been in school now for 20
years.

Who's going to remember you when you're
gone?

The lady at the loan office?

Or did she retire already?

You're all missing my point.

Let's make something happen here. Leave
our mark on State University.

Let's show assholes like the guys in the
Zeta house that they're not the only

ones who know how to have a good time.

I propose throwing the greatest party in
the history of the school, if not the

world.

Think about it.

The Lambda House, packed with beer, loud
music, food, and above all, for those

of you who are unattached, fabulous,
fabulous babes.

What should we do?

Well, we're going to need some money,
and I think I know just where to get it.

Great to know I look even better.

Getting all pumped up like this makes me
want to kick someone's ass.

Getting all pumped up like this makes
pumping muffin that much more fun.

Let me tell you guys, there's nothing
like throwing that bitch on her stomach

and driving her home.

Hell, if her old man gives me a good
enough job, I might even marry her.

Gosh, bud, I feel the same way about
Bambi. Well, you know what they say.

Great thinkers think alike.

And of course, Daddy thinks Bud is a
fine gentleman.

But then who wouldn't?

Well, to be perfectly honest, Bud is a
nice guy and all.

But Cliff is better looking.

Well, that is a matter of opinion.

I mean, Bud was voted best looking at
his high school.

But that's not the whole reason why I
like him so much.

He's everything I've ever wanted.

And more.

Oh, when we make love.

Oh, he's so wonderful.

He's so caring and so sensitive.

So gentle.

Do you think you guys will get married?

Oh, of course we will.

Right after graduation.

And I just know that Daddy will give Bud
a good job with the firm.

And he's going to loan us enough money
for a down payment on a house.

It all looks so perfect.

I know.

If I wasn't talking about myself, I
wouldn't believe it either.

Oh, let's go back to the house and see
what the guys are doing.

Okay.

Sid Witherspoon, please.

Hello, Richard. What can I do for you?

Well, I was thinking about what you
said.

About continuing the Lambda tradition
here at State.

And I was talking it over with some of
the other brothers.

And we all feel really strongly about
making sure we recruit some new guys

before the end of the semester.

Thing is, I consulted our treasurer,
Brother Scott Field.

And it seems our resources are all
tapped out.

And I remember what you said about
wanting to help out with recruitment and

It seems the only thing that we're
lacking is some funds.

Are you asking for a handout, Richard?

Absolutely not. I wouldn't think of such
a thing.

On the contrary, I think of it as more
of a loan.

Or better yet, an investment, sir. An
investment that would pay a lifetime's

worth of dividends.

An investment in brotherhood. An
investment in tradition.

An investment in Lambda Alpha Eta, sir.

We'll bring it up at the next regional
meeting.

Why don't you send me a written proposal
and I'll get back to you.

Thank you, sir. I won't disappoint you,
sir.

Bye -bye.

Well, how do we do it? Do we get the
money?

Not exactly. He wants us to send him
some kind of a report so he can bring it

at some meeting.

You'd think full -grown men would have
something better to do than sit around

and have Girl Scout meetings.

I know it's bullshit, but if we want to
get the money, we're going to have to

play the game.

Do you think you could whip something
out on your computer real quick?

Sure. It doesn't have to be any kind of
a big deal. Just put some graphs and

charts in it so it looks official.

Okay.

Hi.

Hi, guys.

Hi.

How was your alpha meeting with Trixie
and Dixie? Oh, like it always is. I'm

gonna go use your phone, okay? Sure.

I have got to think of just the right
way to get back at Richie.

I'm telling you, bud.

When someone gets out of line like that,
the only thing to do is to kick his

ass. Yeah, but remember, Chip, we don't
want any of this getting back to the

girl. Well, we could wear stockings over
our head when we kick his ass.

That way nobody will know it was us.

Damn, if I was Bambi, I'd be madly in
love with me also.

Hi, boy.

Bud, can I talk to you alone for a
minute?

Good thing, babe.

Let's go upstairs.

Yeah, so meet me in front of the library
at 9, and I'll give you my notes.

It's okay. I don't mind.

Sure. Bye.

You're so damn sweet.

It's no big deal. You're always helping
your friends out with their schoolwork.

Yeah, but at least I hassle them about
it. You do not.

My friend Bud got one hell of a surprise
on his anthro test today.

What'd you do?

Isn't he paying you to slip him answers?

He decided that the pleasure of his
company was more than enough

Well, I hope you don't get yourself into
trouble.

Nah.

Don't you have better things to do with
your time?

Oh, Bud.

I want to swallow all your little wiggly
things.

Name a girl in her right mind who
wouldn't.

Muffin said her and Bud are getting
married after graduation.

Well, you know how I feel about you,
babe.

Yeah, but I'd love to hear you say it.

Hey, Cliff, want to go around the
Frisbee?

Cliff?

Cliff?

Can't you see I'm busy?

I know it's tough, but try and control
yourself.

You knew they were out there, didn't
you?

Yes.

Was it as good for me as it was for me?

Yes.

Tell me again how big and strong I am.

Oh, bud.

You're so strong.

I couldn't imagine.

I'm wearing a perfect man.

Don't you know it, baby. You'll get
nothing but the best from me.

Oh, God.

Should have come out and watched me
play, babe.

I was great.

What's wrong? Miss me that much already?

Don't worry about that, babe. They have
to average that one with all the other

ones, right?

There haven't been any other midterms,
bud.

Why do you think they call them
midterms?

If you don't get good grades, Daddy
won't be able to give you a good job

the firm.

But I thought he owned the firm.

He does.

But he does have investors and
associates that he would have to answer

I mean, all you have to do is get a B
average so it looks good.

It doesn't really matter if you've
learned anything as long as it looks

did.

Gosh, baby.

I didn't realize that it was so
important about my grades.

You can talk to him, can't you?

I don't think so, bud.

I've always told him how bright you are.

I couldn't very well change my story
now, could I?

Don't worry about it, baby. My grades,
they'll pick up.

I know you can do it, bud.

Then we can get married.

Daddy will loan us the money for the
down payment on a house.

And maybe he'll send us to the Riviera
on our honeymoon.

I mean, he's always known that's where I
want to go.

He's so wonderful.

He reminds me of you.

Well, you remind me of him.

Oh, I just can't wait to take those
wedding pictures.

Oh, all dressed up in the flowers and
you in your white tuxedo and Bambi as

maid of honor.

And then we could take the pictures to
our high school reunion and show

how happy we look.

Oh, won't that be wonderful?

Yeah, babe.

I can't wait.

Hell, I don't even want to graduate.

What are you talking about?

I said I'll have to pay back my student
loans.

We all have student loans to pay off.

A quarter of a million dollars worth?

That is a bit much. But think about how
much you've learned.

All I can think about is how much I'm
going to have to earn.

Don't worry about it. These things have
ways of working themselves out.

Either that, or they'll send you to
debtor's prison.

They don't still have those, do they?

No. Well, that's good, because I saw the
Count of Monte Cristo once, and it took

him 30 years to think of a way to get
out.

But it worked out okay, because he got
to find all this treasure that the old

man had left behind like 30 years before
that.

You'll be fine.

I've got some thinking to do. I'm going
to go take a drive.

Wait! Are you sure you don't want to
stay up with me and watch Attack of the

Deadly Killer Nightmare visitors from
hell?

I don't think so.

Take care.

I told you to watch the hair.

I'm really sorry, Cliff.

But you get me so excited.

I just lose all control.

Well, I guess I understand.

If I was you looking down at me, I guess
I'd lose control too.

I should get out of here. You know,
maybe Chip is right. Maybe it is better

being queer.

Just kidding, baby.

You know how I feel about you, babe.

Oh, I thought I did.

But I'm beginning to have my doubts.

Don't do it.

Don't do it.

That's great.

Walk right into the tomb.

If I ask you nicely, can I take you
home?

It's awful cold outside, and I'm tired
of being alone.

I've been watching you, you've been
watching me.

Though the night seems at its end,
there's so much more for us to see.

The night is young.

I can't promise I won't scratch.

I can't promise I won't bite.

But I promise in the morning you'll be
wearing a smile.

Cause you got out of bed last night.

Did you feel the same?

Hi. Hi.

What are you doing up?

I'm studying for my history.

I have a hint for you.

I am what?

Only study what's going to be on the
test.

With hints like that, I think I could
give up studying altogether.

I really am sorry, you know, about
before.

It's a stupid joke.

Think you can forgive me?

I'll think about it.

We've got a right.

This is your house. We've got a right.

You going down there with him?

Well, yes or no, this is your last
chance. No beating around the bush.

Listen, I got a kid down there.

She can't possibly... I couldn't bring
her up here. She can't possibly take all

the racket moves.

You know, I was talking to the guys
about maybe doing something great before

graduate. Sort of leave our mark on the
school.

Throw an incredibly huge party or
whatever.

Show those assholes with the red sports
cars with the perfect haircut.

You mean like Bud Muffin and the gang?

Yeah, assholes like that.

It's a joke.

Where they worship themselves and their
fraternities.

Bud thinks he's like Zeus in the
Parthenon.

I don't know why really, but I'd kind of
like to show those guys.

Guys like us could do something bigger
and better than they could ever imagine.

I know you could.

Thanks.

I gotta get back to the house. It's
almost time for class.

What if we throw a party and nobody
comes?

The lady at the loan office should be
here. That's one for sure.

Uh -oh. We better order more beer.

We've got to make sure this party is the
best it can be. We want everyone to be

here. What if everyone turns out to be
no one? We've got to make sure that that

doesn't happen, all right?

Hmm.

Introduction.

History of the chapter.

Very good.

Student statistics.

Demographics.

Socioeconomic status of the prototype
student.

This just might do it. Do we have enough
money to send this over to the national

office?

Address it to the Grand Master
President, Dave Witherspoon.

Hey! It's time for Let's Make a Match!

I can't believe people actually
volunteer to take this abuse.

I tried out once, but they didn't take
me.

So, tell us all the gory details of what
happened on your date.

Well, he picked me up late, but I knew
he was that type by the way he was on

phone. What do you mean the way he was
on the phone?

Well, you know, he just had that
attitude like he was God's gift to women

something. Be serious, Melody. The only
reason I was late was because your

father wanted to play 20 questions. He
just wanted to make sure you weren't a

pervert. So, he wanted to go on the
date.

Oh, don't you bring Daddy into this. I
want 75 more dollars.

I don't have to take this, do I? Are
these people from Central Casting or

When you first laid eyes on her.

That worthless sack of shit Richie
really messed things up with Muffin. Now

pissed off.

Let's do it.

I'm really starting to consider that
option.

But it still seems a bit harsh to me.

Hey, do you guys think I'm getting too
big?

I'm going to go over there, and I'm
going to have a man -to -thweeb talk

little Richie.

I mean, he got me into this, right? The
least he can do is get me out of it.

And if that doesn't work, then can I
kick his ass?

Well, you just did.

So anyway, if you'd like to take Bob out
again, we'll be glad to pay for it.

Well, uh, Bob, would you like to try it
again?

I can't believe this shit.

Melody, I was hoping you'd ask.

Well, all right.

Bob, come out and join us on stage.

Isn't that beautiful, folks?

Another happy couple on. Come on, say it
with me.

Let's make a match!

It's a case of turtle wax and rice -a
-roni that San Francisco...

Richie! Just the dweeb I came to see.

Gosh, bud, I'd really love to stand here
and shoot the breeze with you, but, uh,

let's make a mask, uh, stand it, and
that means marriage is on trial up next.

I'd really hate to miss it.

Gosh, bud, how did that happen?

I don't know.

Why don't you tell me?

Gee, bud, I don't know. I did just fine
on it.

Well, we'll just consider this a
friendly little warning. It won't happen

right?

I guess you're just going to have to
study a little harder.

I think your friend needs some help.

Warning you, no funny stuff!

Who was that?

That's some vacuum cleaner salesman.

What? You know what. It was Bud, wasn't
it?

Yeah. He wanted to invite us over to the
Zeta house for dinner.

When I told him we couldn't make it,
boy, was he disappointed.

You should be careful.

Sometimes your little tricks can
backfire, you know?

I know.

But if someone wants to give me
something, I take it.

If they want to hit me, I run.

Bud is so sweet.

He didn't do too well on his
anthropology midterm, so he's going to

just for me.

Gosh, Muffin, that is so sweet.

What's the sweetest thing Bud's ever
done for you?

Oh, I don't know.

That's a hard one.

He's done so many things.

That is an unfair question.

They're such little boys.

What would they do without us?

I don't know.

Oh, just talking about them makes me
miss Bud.

Oh, me too.

I wonder what Cliff is doing right now.

Oh, you know, he's probably bragging to
the guys about how wonderful you are.

Oh.

But I bet Bud cuts in with, you're just
as drunk. dream come true.

Oh, now I really miss him.

Let's go over to the house.

Okay.

Lambda Alpha Ada, Brother Richard
Spencer speaking. Can I help you?

With you, Richard, I was very impressed.

Unfortunately, the brothers felt that it
would be inappropriate...

to send funds on such short notice,
especially since it obviously is not an

emergency.

However, I have decided personally to
make a small donation of, say, $500.

Thank you, sir.

Goodbye, Richard.

Thanks again, sir. Thank you very much.

Well? Did we get un poquito bito dinero?

Come on, Richie. Don't keep us on the
edge of our feet.

Well, not as much as we'd like, but we
did get $500.

Whoa!

It's not what you think.

Oh, my God.

It's like my worst nightmare.

We were just playing hide -and -seek,
right, guys? Yeah, yeah, we were just...

Queering off!

If you say that again, I'll kick your
ass! Shut up!

No, honey, we were just, uh... We were
working out!

It looked more like you were working it
in and out.

That doesn't... I'm gonna kick your ass!

And so every day I move one seat closer
to her.

Maybe by the end of the semester you'll
be in the same classroom.

I've already gotten into the same row.

I guess marriage is just around the
corner.

You know...

She did ask me what time it was
yesterday. Do you think that means

Yeah. It means she forgot her watch.

Hey, you know, I think you're doing the
right thing, TK.

I followed a girl around for four years
once.

What happened?

He graduated.

So much for the thrill of the chase.

Don't worry about it. The night of the
party, they'll be taking numbers.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.

What are we going to tell the girls?

What do I tell Daddy?

We have got to swear not to tell a soul
about anything we saw.

Oh, you're right.

Our reputations would be shot.

Oh, I'd love to get back at those
bastards.

All right, so let's figure out what
we're going to need for this party.

We're going to eat some food and some
beer. No shit.

Would you lighten up? Yeah, lighten up.

Hey, how do we know how much we need?

I don't know.

How do we even know anyone's coming?

What's your problem, man?

Well, he does have a point. Huh?

We've got to make sure everyone, and I
do mean everyone, knows about this

Well, how are we going to do that?

Well, we'll have to advertise.

You mean like on radio and TV?

No,

I mean with flyers and ads in the school
paper.

Scott, could you find out how much a
half -page ad costs? If we want to have

party next Saturday night, we'll
probably want to run ads every day next

I already know. I had to place an ad for
the Young Capitalist Club annual

takeover toga party last semester.

And? The ad costs $96.

So if you want to run the ad every day
next week, we're already out of money.

Hmm. There must be some way.

Yeah, so the fire marshal came by and he
said all the fire extinguishers need to

be replaced and the smoke alarms are
inadequate Now here's the kicker. This

the one that got me.

He said we have to install a fire escape
from the second floor So

I took the liberty of getting a couple
of

estimates total came to $4 ,700

Now, I will be sending you the
estimates, but I figured you'd want to

work started right up because the fire
marshal did say he would come by and he

would close us down.

You're absolutely right, Richard, and
you handled this admirably. I'll call an

emergency meeting and send the money
over this afternoon.

Lambda Alpha Eta forever, sir.

Goodbye, Richard.

Richard, Mr. Spencer, it's young men
like you that make me proud to be a

Alpha Eta.

Thank you, sir. And by the way, we are
having a big rush party Saturday night,

so maybe you could stop by.

I'll try and make it.

Goodbye.

Why'd you invite him to the party?

He is paying for it. And besides, his
office is in Dallas with some kid. He's

not going to fly out for some rush
party.

Scott, make the ad full page.

Greatest party in the history of the
world.

Lambda Alpha Eta fraternity.

That's us.

Saturday, 9 p .m.

girls coming to the big party Saturday
night?

I'm sure you've heard about it. It's all
over school.

Well, we have other plans.

Oh, really?

Is Bud and Cliff taking you two out
somewhere?

Yeah. We were going to go out to dinner
and maybe a movie.

That's too bad.

I know Richie and the guys were hoping
that everyone would be there.

Well, to be perfectly honest with you,
We broke up with our boyfriend.

I'm sorry.

Don't be.

They were jerks.

Worse than that, they were... Well,
don't let that stop you from coming to

party. There'll be lots of guys there,
and I can introduce you to some of

Richie's friends.

How can you be so nice to us?

Especially after the way we spoke about
Richie's fraternity.

Yeah, what's in it for you?

I just like having friends a lot more
than enemies.

Besides, it's a party. The more, the
merrier.

Well, thanks, Diane.

And I'm sorry about the way I spoke
about you before.

Me too.

We were the ones going out with... I
mean, geeks. Does that mean you'll be at

the party then?

Great.

I want you guys to look sharp on
Saturday night. Do you guys have suits

something? I do.

Do we really have to get dressed up? I
don't have a suit.

Come on, you guys.

This is our last chance to really do
something before we graduate. My uncle

a store downtown. I'm sure he'll give
you a good deal.

Well, I guess clothes make the man.

I guess I can use the suit for job
interviews.

Hi.

Look what the cat dragged in.

I'll leave. Get over here. I had a funny
feeling you'd say that.

I know. I didn't want to disappoint you.

So you think we're going to pull it off?

What do you mean?

Party. Of course you will.

No, really.

Everyone I know will be here.

I talked to Bambi Muffin at the
Alphameda today, and they'll be here.

With Bud and Cliff?

No, they broke up.

Do you know why?

They didn't say, and they're not exactly
good friends of mine, so it didn't seem

right to ask.

I felt really bad for them.

Why? No one was forcing you to go out
with those boneheads.

I know. Well, anyway, I told them I'd
introduce them to some of the guys.

You did?

Yeah. Why not?

I guess there's no reason why not. I
just don't see Bambi or Muffin going out

with Walla or TK.

I think you underestimate these guys.
They're all really sweet.

Girls are always good in the GQ job
type.

I go out with you, don't I?

And all this time, I thought you were
going out with me for my stunning good

looks and amazing athletic abilities.

Come on, guys. It's not so bad.

Come on, guys. It's not so bad.

You idiot.

If those bitches shoot off their mouths,
man, our reps are shot.

Reps? God, he did our reps.

Reputations, Chip.

Reputations. If you'll notice, we were
not too thrilled when Bambi and Muffin

walked in.

It was supposed to be our little secret.

Yeah, but... But nothing!

We've got to make this up to the girls.
Give me the phone.

Hello? Hi.

Muffy, this is Bud.

Don't even try to sweet -talk me.

If I only knew how sweet you really
were.

Oh, come on, but that's all behind me.

I know it is. That's the problem.

Okay, okay, so I made a little mistake.

I promise it won't happen again, honey.

Oh, you mean me and Bambi walking in on
you and your boyfriend?

No. Listen, okay, enough with the joke,
okay?

Look, Cliff and I feel bad. We want to
make it up to you. How about, like,

dinner and a movie Saturday night?

I'm sorry, Bud, but Bambi and I already
have plans for Saturday night.

What do you mean you already have plans?

Well, Bambi and I have been invited to
that big party over at the Lambda House.

Son of a bitch!

Well, Bud?

Goodbye.

I hope you and the boys have a good
time.

Muffin, what about the wedding, the
house, the photos?

My job?

Muffy? Are you there, Muffin?

Muffin!

It's over.

Are you serious?

Unfortunately.

I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna finally do it!

I'm gonna kick his ass!

You know, if you would have let me do
this in the first place, none of this

would have happened.

You've got a point, bud.

Come on, we've got to do it, bud.

Okay, okay, we'll do it. But we're going
to do it right, in front of everybody

at their little party on Saturday night.

Once those girls see what studs we are,
they'll come running back to us.

my heart on the line one too many times

when I put myself out to dry and read
between

the lines I don't need nobody who is

gonna tell me what to do I need love I

need love I need love

Let it boom

Well, it's 8 .30. An hour from now, the
place will be packed.

Well, I just hope that the lady from the
loan office shows up.

Does this lady have a name?

Oh, hell, it doesn't matter.

I'll just call her ma 'am anyway.

Out of respect, of course.

You know that girl I was telling you
about?

You mean the one that you've gotten into
the same row with? No, no, it's better

than that. See, I was one seat away from
her on Thursday, so yesterday I was

next to her.

And? I overheard her talking.

And I heard her saying that she was
going to be at the party.

That's good, TK.

I'll get it. Let me. I think I know who
it is.

Hi.

Hi.

Is that for me?

Yeah.

Thanks.

You're welcome.

Well, aren't you going to let me in?

Are you going to let me in?

Yes. Now get out of my way.

Damn. If I wasn't seeing it with my own
eyes, I wouldn't believe it. I know.

It's great.

It's her.

Who?

The lady from the loan office.

Hi, Charles.

Hi.

I'm so glad you could invite me to your
little party.

Yeah, I'm really glad that you can come.

I need to be here.

I'm glad about both.

Can I get you something to drink?

Well, it's looking like a success.

I don't think this old house can hold so
many more people.

I'm not surprised.

I can't

wait! Do it!

No, you're going to have to wait a
little while.

We've got to wait until the party's
really happening before we make our

entrance. We want to make sure our ex
-babes are there to...

Sure -a -thon.

They're not our ex -babe.

That's the whole point of all this.

Give me another beer.

Oh, man.

I can't believe it.

Believe what?

The party.

It's great.

What's so great about standing around
and yelling at each other?

Oh, no.

Hi. Um... You don't know me, but, um...
This is you.

You're the guy from my civics classes
for moving one too close for me every

That is you, isn't it?

Um... Yeah.

I'm sorry if I made it obvious.

I think it's cute.

Want to dance?

Do I want to dance?

I'm a dancing fool.

Let's go.

You look better than people are supposed
to be able to look.

You don't look too bad yourself, Mr.
Dan.

Dan? Yeah?

I am really sorry you know me not
before.

I know.

Dan? What?

I was wondering if you'd be my
girlfriend.

That's what I get for asking.

You're lucky I don't kick your ass all
together.

Thank you, God.

Gosh.

It's been so long since we've been on
the open market.

I know.

I think I've forgotten how to act.

You have to act so phony and artificial
when you first meet people.

I hate that.

Oh, me too.

Hey, what's up?

Not much.

Why are you standing over here by
yourself?

To follow you, I go shopping.

Yeah, well, you're not me. I don't want
to go shopping.

What's the matter with you?

For starters, I don't like parties.

I go to so few of them, I forgot how
much I hate them.

Why?

Started in junior high.

See, I like this girl, and she said she
liked me, too.

So I was going to meet her at this
party.

And? So I told all my friends about it,
right?

What, she didn't show up?

Who the fuck cares?

No, it's much worse than that.

She showed up all right.

Only she was with a guy.

Am I supposed to take you seriously?

You don't like parties just because some
prepubescent Ben Beck didn't meet you

by the water fountain after school?

Why don't you pick up your chair and
zero in on that door?

As soon as something decent walks in, be
all over it.

And get yourself something to drink for
Christ's sake.

see any gold medals lying around here by
any chance?

No, why?

Well, I was here 15 minutes ago, and now
I can't find them.

Hey, babe.

Seriously.

I know I've seen you before.

Oh, no, let me think.

Athens?

No, uh... Paris?

Maybe, uh... I know! Two... years ago,
freshman college.

I don't think so.

Have we met?

Uh, no.

Let's say you and I tear up the camp.

Okay.

Lambda, alpha, eta, guys.

Yeah, well, we'll talk later.

What are you going to do if this doesn't
work?

What do you mean?

If the babes don't take us back.

I don't know.

Guess we'll find some other babes to
sponge off of.

That is exactly what I was thinking.

You know what they say.

Great thinkers think alike.

Hey, when are we going to go over this?
It's getting kind of late.

Hold your horses.

We've got plenty of time.

Mafia, are you ready?

Yeah.

I'm kind of nervous.

Me too.

Let's practice on each other.

What?

You be the girl and I'll be the guy.

What?

Let's pretend we're meeting at the party
for the first time.

Okay.

Okay.

Hey, babe.

You come here often?

When I'm not out spending daddy's money.

Oh, babe, you don't need to practice.

It's all coming back to me now.

Me too.

Let's go.

Okay.

Hello.

Hi. Rigged up the system where I could
keep him qualifying for student loans as

a freshman.

I made $35 ,000 one year.

The only thing is, it's all going to
come back and haunt me now after I

graduate. Oh, little boy, and just how
much do you owe?

Well, to be exact, $248 ,962

in change.

Oh, my poor little baby.

Do you want Mumsy to make it all better?

Hello, ladies. I don't believe I've had
the pleasure of making your

acquaintance. I'm Muffin, and this is
Bambi.

I'm Scott.

Wow, it's like really happening.

Yeah, well we landers just can't get in
enough party

Big bearded clown, you want to get
peeved? I guess so.

Cowabunga, let's hit the thon.

The thon?

You know, I'm talking about the beach,
Wahine.

I guess not.

Oh, Dom, the bitch don't even want to
get wet.

It was nice meeting you, babe, but do
you think you could get lost for a while

so I can talk to these men?

You guys like what you see? Yeah, I'll
turn on my son.

Me too. Who do I make the check out to?

I wish it were that easy, guys.

But unfortunately, we are forced to turn
away far more guys than we could

possibly pay.

But, it's near the end of the semester,
and I might be able to slip you three

in.

But, it's near the end of the semester,
and I might be able to slip you three

in.

But, it's near the end of the semester,
I might be able to flip you forward.

And remember, Lambda, Alpha, Eta, Flips.

I'm really sorry I didn't go.

I'm only hoping that you miss me. Good,
good.

That doesn't make you feel better.

I'm only hoping that you miss me.

But now we're all set and done.

I'm kind of hoping that you miss me.

Cuter. And make your eyes better.

Yeah, well, I

didn't want to pull out those same old
lines.

Because I could tell you were different.

You took quite a chance, though.

Well, not really. I mean, you're here,
aren't you?

And I mean, let's face it.

You were pretty obvious when you
announced in front of the whole class

going to be here.

Got me on that one.

It's

time.

Yes!

Do you think the babes are there yet?

Well, if they're not, we'll just impress
some other ones. Oh, good idea, bud.

Chip? Yeah, bud?

We're not gonna need those.

But you promised!

Oh, God.

It's really different kissing someone
who means it.

What?

Never mind.

Hey, what are those?

Sign pledge cards, 22, and the night is
young. Damn, that wasn't even part of

the deal. I know, but it will help
pacify with us when he really finds out

those messages.

One of these days. Nah.

Charles, I brought you another drink.

Oh, well, isn't that nice?

Dana, I want you to meet my friend
Richie and his girlfriend Diane.

It's very nice to meet you.

You know, Richie is the president of the
fraternity.

Oh, how very nice.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

Hi, guys. This is Michelle.

Hi.

Richie, did you excuse us for a sec?

What's up?

She wanted to see my room.

So show it to me.

Well, I... What's the problem? Um, do
you have any, um, con...

You know, prophylactic?

Thanks, dude.

Any questions?

Um, I've never really used one.

It's no big deal. You just open it up
and roll it on.

Open it up and roll it on?

Yeah, roll it on. Okay, I got it.

Well, what have we here?

Call the party, bud.

No shit!

Call the party!

You know, for a guy as smart as he is,
he's pretty stupid.

That was a good one, bud.

You know... I'd offer you guys something
to drink, but from the looks of things,

you're all pretty hammered, and I doubt
that you could handle any more.

Are you kidding?

There isn't enough beer in this barn to
knock me out.

Walt, would you want to get our friend
something to drink?

We're not here on a... I think we're
here to kick your ass.

How nice of you to make a house call.

Hey, your little boy is already in a nut
job.

You touch her again, and I'll kill you.

Little Richie's pretty protective of his
main squeeze, isn't he?

You son of a...

Hey, what the hell's going on here?

It's the women's auxiliary of the Zeta
Alpha Moo.

What?

You think you can badmouth... just
because I broke up with you? You broke

with me?

I'm the one who did the breaking.

Breaking you and your boyfriend out of
your lovers, not... So that's why you...

Yep. Me and Bambi walked in and these
guys, these three here,

they were... Shut up!

Bambi! Baby!

I've been looking all over for you.

You know, someone should have taught you
some manners. We don't talk that way to

women around here.

Oh, yeah?

Why don't you make me?

Why don't I make you what?

I don't know.

That's what I'm supposed to say.

Why don't you just say goodbye?

Maybe we should clear out, bud.

No way. I'm not leaving here until I
kick someone's ass.

I don't think that this is our night,
bud.

I guess you're right. But mark my words,
Spencer, you haven't heard the laugh

today.

I'll be right back.

Who's the guy in the slick silk shoes?

So that's who you check when I'm not
checking into shoes.

I'm quite impressed with your
perfection, but not so much with your...

Witherspoon, I'm glad you decided to
drop by.

You know, I just got through telling the
guys how great it would be if you could

actually be here.

Cut the crap, Spencer. Where's the act?

Right inside.

So did

you use it?

Yeah, but um... Can I take it off now?

You haven't taken it off yet? No?

Go ahead.

It's a joke, right?

What do you mean?

We'll talk later.

not my girl

Can I have this dance?

Yeah.

Great party, Rich.

So you'll be calling us, right? I'll do
my best.

Thanks, Ruti.

Take care. Good luck.

I guess we better be going.

You can stay here tonight.

Oh, okay.

Hey, what happened to your guys' dates?

Hannah's upstairs waiting.

So is Martha.

TK?

Michelle's upstairs.

Everybody synchronize your watches.

It's 12 .07.

Hey, what are you doing?

This is a landmark opportunity,
gentlemen.

Do you realize that this has to be the
first time in Lambda history that an

entire chapter, and I do mean all the
brothers, will be drilling for oil at

same time?

Count me in.

No Okay, don't let anything happen till
1227.

I love it when a plan comes together.

Let's not press our luck

Charles, honey?

In the bed?

I have to do my evening calisthenics
first.

I'm waiting.

You've got a nice tight body and a tight
white skirt.

And you know how to use it for whatever
that's worth.

Quite impressed with your physical
intentions, but not so much with your

inventions. Don't take chances on first
impressions.

First impressions.

First impressions.