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This programme contains
strong language and adult humour
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Urgh!
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Oh....
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Whoo!
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SHE LAUGHS
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SHE SCREAMS
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Oh, you're useless at this.
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Argh!
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Prrp! Boop!
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Urgh!
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CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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00:00:32,880 --> 00:00:36,160
Hello, and welcome to Taskmaster -
13
00:00:36,200 --> 00:00:37,920
the answer to the question,
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"What if five people squandered the
opportunities
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00:00:40,480 --> 00:00:42,400
"afforded by parents and education
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"in search of a demonstrably
worthless prize?"
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00:00:45,800 --> 00:00:47,840
We're at the halfway point now.
18
00:00:47,880 --> 00:00:51,160
Literally any of the five could take
the top spot.
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00:00:51,200 --> 00:00:55,480
They need to work hard or, like so
many of our previous winners,
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00:00:55,520 --> 00:00:59,120
come to my dressing room with a
suitcase full of quality meat.
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00:01:00,480 --> 00:01:02,240
Papa likes a mixed grill!
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00:01:04,000 --> 00:01:05,240
Let's meet them!
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00:01:05,280 --> 00:01:08,080
Andy Zaltzman...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
24
00:01:08,120 --> 00:01:10,920
..Babatunde Aleshe...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
25
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:13,320
..Emma Sidi...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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00:01:13,360 --> 00:01:15,120
..Jack Dee...
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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00:01:15,160 --> 00:01:18,200
..and Rosie Jones!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:19,520
And next to me,
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00:01:19,560 --> 00:01:20,800
a man who confided in me
30
00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:23,960
that he considers people who work
for the Fire Service
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00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:27,800
to be the least intelligent of all
emergency staff...
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SINGSONG:..it's Little Alex Horne.
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00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:33,960
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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That's right.
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00:01:36,440 --> 00:01:38,120
Let's crack on with the prize task.
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00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:39,800
What's the category, Little Alex
Horne?
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00:01:39,840 --> 00:01:42,240
Well, hey - just stop right
there, mister! Ah...
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00:01:43,480 --> 00:01:45,440
Because they've been asked to bring
in
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00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,600
the thing that is best when you add
liquid to it.
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00:01:48,640 --> 00:01:49,800
Jack. Hmm.
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00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:52,240
What thing have you brought that if
you add water to it it's good?
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00:01:52,280 --> 00:01:56,320
I've brought in a swimming pool. So
I think that that's it, isn't it?
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00:01:56,360 --> 00:01:58,960
That's... It's pretty route one,
yeah. And here it is...
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00:01:59,000 --> 00:02:01,480
Yeah. It's in a box.
45
00:02:01,520 --> 00:02:04,280
Wow. I was convinced there was gonna
be something funny up there.
46
00:02:04,320 --> 00:02:05,680
No. It's...
47
00:02:05,720 --> 00:02:07,200
It's literally just a...
48
00:02:07,240 --> 00:02:08,640
I didn't say it was going to be
funny,
49
00:02:08,680 --> 00:02:10,480
I said it's going to be a swimming
pool.
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00:02:12,520 --> 00:02:14,360
Mm. Do you want see proof that it's
better with liquid in it?
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00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,400
As per the brief!
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00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:16,760
Here we go...
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00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:17,800
Here you go.
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00:02:19,720 --> 00:02:22,000
That's how I exercise every morning.
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00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:24,840
APPLAUSE
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00:02:26,160 --> 00:02:27,640
That was in the winter, actually,
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so I was fully wetsuited up,
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00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:32,440
but this morning I was naked.
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00:02:32,480 --> 00:02:33,960
Impressed and turned on.
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00:02:35,360 --> 00:02:36,920
Andy. Yes.
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00:02:36,960 --> 00:02:40,040
Should I address the fact that
you've opted to dress as a snooker
player today,
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00:02:40,080 --> 00:02:43,120
or shall we just sail past it?
Really it's about a state of mind,
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00:02:43,160 --> 00:02:46,040
cos I've found myself getting
a little irritable in earlier shows.
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00:02:46,080 --> 00:02:47,440
Yeah! Snooker teaches you -
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00:02:47,480 --> 00:02:50,280
when you're not at the table, you've
just got to sit there and take it.
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00:02:50,320 --> 00:02:51,640
So...
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00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,760
So I'm...
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00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,160
I'm just...
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00:02:57,360 --> 00:02:59,320
..just trying to get myself in
the right frame of mind.
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00:02:59,360 --> 00:03:01,800
Andy, what have you brought in
that's good when water's in it?
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00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:04,800
Powdered trampoline. Huh? Ooh!
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00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:06,480
Yes, Andy's brought in a product.
Yeah.
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It's powdered trampoline, this is
the packet.
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00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,520
I've got a range of other instant
products.
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00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:17,040
Yeah, this is the back of the
packet.
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00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:18,960
Here is what else is available...
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00:03:19,000 --> 00:03:23,840
Powdered granny, powdered puppy,
powdered hedge, powdered snooker...
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00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:26,560
Yeah. ..powdered powder. Yes. Just
in case.
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00:03:26,600 --> 00:03:28,680
And it works. It does actually work.
And it works...
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00:03:28,720 --> 00:03:30,160
We tested it, and it does actually
work. He's got...
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00:03:30,200 --> 00:03:32,760
You've got three grannies
backstage, haven't you? Yeah!
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It's just desiccated grandmother,
but it really works. It's wonderful.
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00:03:35,160 --> 00:03:36,680
Desiccated grandmother...
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00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:41,120
Rosie.
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00:03:41,160 --> 00:03:42,720
A balloon.
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00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:43,800
What...?
HE CHUCKLES
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00:03:43,840 --> 00:03:50,400
A balloon with air in, even helium,
whoo!
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00:03:50,440 --> 00:03:53,840
But, add water...
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00:03:53,880 --> 00:03:55,840
Add water... OK. Whoa.
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00:03:55,880 --> 00:03:58,040
Cheeky!
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00:03:58,080 --> 00:04:01,360
Also, can I show you
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00:04:01,400 --> 00:04:06,200
the most satisfying video ever?
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00:04:06,240 --> 00:04:07,640
Here we go, watch this.
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00:04:09,320 --> 00:04:11,000
Whee!
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00:04:12,240 --> 00:04:13,520
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
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00:04:13,560 --> 00:04:15,240
SPEECH INAUDIBLE
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00:04:15,280 --> 00:04:19,160
It does get better... Yeah, exactly!
..but not MUCH better.
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00:04:20,160 --> 00:04:22,320
Emma. Greg. Yes?
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00:04:22,360 --> 00:04:24,440
I've brought in a portrait of you.
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00:04:24,480 --> 00:04:26,600
Appeals to my ego. Great. Tick.
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00:04:26,640 --> 00:04:28,040
First, type of liquid -
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00:04:28,080 --> 00:04:30,440
it's watercolour pencils is the
material used,
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00:04:30,480 --> 00:04:33,440
so you add liquid to it, it gives a
lovely effect, OK?
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00:04:33,480 --> 00:04:35,320
Kind of aquarelle pencils.
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00:04:35,360 --> 00:04:37,320
Secondly, the artist was drunk.
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00:04:39,240 --> 00:04:42,320
I got my brother pissed... Your
brother? Yeah.
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00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,280
You added liquid to your brother?
Yes.
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00:04:44,320 --> 00:04:45,960
And made him do a portrait of you.
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00:04:46,000 --> 00:04:48,920
Are you ready to see the portrait?
It's promising, I've got to say.
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00:04:48,960 --> 00:04:49,960
Here we go...
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00:04:53,760 --> 00:04:56,000
Do you wanna see what he achieved
sober?
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00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:57,800
To just give you a comparison?
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00:04:57,840 --> 00:05:00,600
Yes, I just would like to enjoy
the accuracy...
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00:05:00,640 --> 00:05:03,080
Hmm. Yeah.
..of my three big testicles.
115
00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,400
Without water, it's this.
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00:05:07,440 --> 00:05:09,040
Oh... It's quite good actually.
Yeah.
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00:05:09,080 --> 00:05:11,280
Let's go back to pissed three balls.
Yeah.
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00:05:11,320 --> 00:05:13,760
Add liquid. There we are! Yeah!
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00:05:13,800 --> 00:05:15,840
Emma, this is your strongest showing
yet. Very good.
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00:05:15,880 --> 00:05:18,320
Thank you. Very good. Really good.
All right.
121
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,840
Oh, Baba... All right, just take
your mind back to your childhood.
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00:05:21,880 --> 00:05:24,360
OK. You're sitting at home, right?
OK. Yeah.
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00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,520
And now your mum's just like, "Would
you like some dessert?"
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00:05:26,560 --> 00:05:28,840
Just for a second I thought you
said, "Your mum's a slag."
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00:05:30,360 --> 00:05:31,640
LAUGHING: That's what I heard.
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00:05:31,680 --> 00:05:34,040
I would not say that to you, all
right, Greg?
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00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,120
Sorry. Yeah, just take, cast your
mind back in the day.
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00:05:36,160 --> 00:05:37,920
You're sitting at home, and your
mum's just like...
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00:05:37,960 --> 00:05:39,320
LAUGHTER
130
00:05:41,240 --> 00:05:44,680
You definitely said, "Your mum's
a slag" that time.
131
00:05:44,720 --> 00:05:47,040
Yeah. You said it again. I did not
say his mum's a slag,
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00:05:47,080 --> 00:05:48,320
I wouldn't say that! Did you hear
it?
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00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:49,520
Yeah, he's said it twice now, yeah.
134
00:05:49,560 --> 00:05:51,200
Do you wanna show them what
I brought in?
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00:05:51,240 --> 00:05:53,680
Baba's brought in jelly powder.
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00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,240
Cast your mind back, yeah? Back in
the day. Back in the day. OK.
137
00:05:58,280 --> 00:06:00,080
You're in the garden, you're
running around. Yeah.
138
00:06:00,120 --> 00:06:01,400
One of your parents...
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00:06:01,440 --> 00:06:03,160
THEY ALL LAUGH
..calls you in...
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00:06:03,200 --> 00:06:04,720
QUIETLY: ..and she's a slag, and...
141
00:06:09,640 --> 00:06:13,600
..she says, "I've got jelly
and ice cream for you."
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00:06:13,640 --> 00:06:15,360
What's your reaction?
143
00:06:15,400 --> 00:06:19,520
All I can think is just to say,
"Thank you, Mum.
144
00:06:19,560 --> 00:06:21,760
"Shall I call this guy uncle
as well?"
145
00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:25,360
The time has come, Greg.
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00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,120
All right, well I'm gonna give Baba
one,
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00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:29,400
and I'm sorry, Baba, because I do
like jelly,
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00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,400
but I think Rosie's made a good
point,
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00:06:31,440 --> 00:06:34,680
you can be cheeky with a balloon,
and who doesn't like being cheeky?
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00:06:34,720 --> 00:06:37,320
One to Baba, two to Rosie. Got it.
Yes. OK.
151
00:06:37,360 --> 00:06:40,120
I'll congratulate Jack on keeping
himself in shape,
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00:06:40,160 --> 00:06:42,440
and I'll give him three points.
Three points for the swimming pool.
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00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:44,640
Four to Andy, five to Emma,
there it is! There we go.
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00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,880
On we go. Task please, Alex.
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00:06:48,920 --> 00:06:50,400
Mm-hm, right-on, Greg.
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00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:52,800
And it's time to blow the budget
again - uh-oh -
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00:06:52,840 --> 00:06:57,080
because we've got
an actual AI robot from Midhurst.
158
00:07:21,400 --> 00:07:22,760
Oh, God.
159
00:07:26,400 --> 00:07:28,920
HE CHUCKLES
160
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:33,720
Oh, no.
161
00:07:39,040 --> 00:07:42,240
Hi, Alex. My name is Robert.
162
00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:43,640
Robert? Robert.
163
00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:45,800
Robert? Robert.
164
00:07:45,840 --> 00:07:47,720
Your name is Robot? Robert. Robert.
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00:07:48,720 --> 00:07:50,720
Ohhh...
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00:07:50,760 --> 00:07:52,280
Ah!
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00:07:55,000 --> 00:07:56,760
Cheers, thank you.
168
00:07:58,440 --> 00:07:59,800
Oh, sorry, are you...? Hi.
169
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,600
Oh, whatever. Hello, Emma.
170
00:08:04,360 --> 00:08:06,000
Hello.
171
00:08:09,480 --> 00:08:13,680
Direct the robot to its charging
station and plug it in.
172
00:08:15,360 --> 00:08:19,040
You must give the robot
an instruction every ten seconds.
173
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,920
The robot will ignore any
instructions
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00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,440
that contain the letters O or E.
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00:08:26,160 --> 00:08:31,200
You may not touch the robot.
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00:08:31,240 --> 00:08:33,600
Fastest wins. Your time starts now.
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00:08:35,720 --> 00:08:38,080
OK. This sounds like a total pain.
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00:08:43,800 --> 00:08:46,200
Do you think sometimes you've lost a
bit of the joy of life?
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00:08:46,240 --> 00:08:48,200
Even when you came in, everyone else
went,
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00:08:48,240 --> 00:08:50,480
"Ooh, a robot!" and you went
"Hello, Alex."
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00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,520
When I was watching it, I wrote
down,
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00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:57,360
"Emma's response to the robot was
odd, ask her to explain it."
183
00:08:57,400 --> 00:08:59,360
It's... Ah, what would you call it?
184
00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:00,640
Oh, God.
185
00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:02,000
Platonic arousal?
186
00:09:03,120 --> 00:09:04,280
Oh, the old PA?
187
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,520
It's like the opposite of a phobia.
188
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:10,240
So I love, like, mascots...
ROSIE CHUCKLES
189
00:09:10,280 --> 00:09:13,480
..Mr Blobby... Do you like the
things outside petrol garages?
190
00:09:13,520 --> 00:09:16,240
Yeah. Absolutely love them.
191
00:09:16,280 --> 00:09:19,000
Big stupid things.
192
00:09:20,800 --> 00:09:22,160
Yeah.
193
00:09:22,200 --> 00:09:23,560
Oh...
194
00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:24,920
She knows I've got a degree, right?
195
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:28,800
OK, I guess we should begin with a
bit of android Andy
196
00:09:28,840 --> 00:09:30,600
and robot Rosie. Here we go. Lovely.
197
00:09:30,640 --> 00:09:32,400
Is the charging station in here?
198
00:09:32,440 --> 00:09:34,000
Instruction.
199
00:09:34,040 --> 00:09:35,880
Turn to...
200
00:09:36,880 --> 00:09:38,960
No. Oh, fuck.
201
00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:43,000
Is it worth leaving this room?
Uh, that's lots of O's. Lots of E's.
202
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:46,320
Turn this way.
203
00:09:49,320 --> 00:09:51,800
Is the charging station on
you somewhere?
204
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,440
Ow...Ow. Please don't touch me.
205
00:09:54,480 --> 00:09:55,880
Oh, sorry, yeah, good point.
206
00:09:55,920 --> 00:09:57,360
Back.
207
00:10:00,160 --> 00:10:02,160
Yes!
208
00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,480
No.
209
00:10:03,520 --> 00:10:05,320
SHE SCREAMS
210
00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:09,480
Turn. Ah...ah, that's so simple.
Don't touch the robot.
211
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:10,840
Instruction.
212
00:10:10,880 --> 00:10:16,080
Sing.
ROBOT SINGS
213
00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:19,200
I...I... I really need a
charging... Right. Charging station.
214
00:10:19,240 --> 00:10:21,200
Waaaaalk.
215
00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:22,520
Halt!
216
00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,680
ROBOT SOUNDS
Eat...eat this.
217
00:10:26,720 --> 00:10:28,360
BUZZ
218
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,560
Where's the fucking
charging station?
219
00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,040
Instruction.
220
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:39,240
Oh, shit. If I, uh, find, uh,
um, uh...
221
00:10:39,280 --> 00:10:43,600
Duck. Duck. Duck...Duck. Walk.
222
00:10:43,640 --> 00:10:45,920
Uh, in, um....
223
00:10:45,960 --> 00:10:47,640
Charge me!
224
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:49,280
Waaaaalk!
225
00:10:49,320 --> 00:10:54,200
Stairs. Staaaaaaaairs!
226
00:10:54,240 --> 00:10:55,600
Uh, star...star jumps.
227
00:10:59,080 --> 00:11:02,560
Halt. Halt.
228
00:11:02,600 --> 00:11:05,360
Pardon? Hello?
229
00:11:05,400 --> 00:11:07,520
I'll have a look outside. OK.
230
00:11:12,760 --> 00:11:15,120
WHISPERS: Fucking cocks.
LAUGHTER
231
00:11:15,160 --> 00:11:17,280
Stairs. Ooh.
232
00:11:17,320 --> 00:11:18,680
Walk.
233
00:11:21,680 --> 00:11:23,920
Halt.
234
00:11:23,960 --> 00:11:26,360
Instruction, please.
235
00:11:26,400 --> 00:11:28,360
Oh. Oh, no.
236
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:30,160
Left. No.
BUZZ
237
00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,960
Uh, no. Uh, not right. Not right.
Not right is right.
238
00:11:33,000 --> 00:11:37,320
Right. This is why we shouldn't
trust technology.
239
00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:39,160
Where's the...
240
00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,800
WOOOOOOOOW!
241
00:11:41,840 --> 00:11:44,560
Hazard. Hazard. Hazard.
Hazard. Hazard. Hazard.
242
00:11:44,600 --> 00:11:45,800
Right.
243
00:11:47,320 --> 00:11:49,280
Help! Oh, uh, hedge.
BUZZ
244
00:11:49,320 --> 00:11:50,360
Uh, cow.
BUZZ
245
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,200
Halt. Turn right.
246
00:11:53,240 --> 00:11:54,840
Uh, stop, stop, stop.
BUZZ
247
00:11:54,880 --> 00:11:57,040
I can't stop.Right.
CRASH
248
00:11:57,080 --> 00:11:59,320
Am I charging?
249
00:11:59,360 --> 00:12:01,640
Yay!
250
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,360
Hang on, hang on. Sit, sit.
251
00:12:04,480 --> 00:12:08,000
Oh. Charging. Thank you, Andy.
252
00:12:08,040 --> 00:12:11,600
I would say you're welcome but
they would be hollow, hollow words.
253
00:12:11,640 --> 00:12:14,720
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
254
00:12:20,360 --> 00:12:23,960
When I thought, "Rosie Jones is
gonna nail this task", you walked
255
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:26,760
the robot away from
the charging station
256
00:12:26,800 --> 00:12:29,000
and made it stand on
a piece of cardboard.
257
00:12:30,320 --> 00:12:36,760
That looked like a solar panel. It
looked like a piece of cardboard.
258
00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:39,600
Oh.
259
00:12:39,640 --> 00:12:40,840
Andy. Yes.
260
00:12:40,880 --> 00:12:44,880
The only words I could make out were
"star jumps", I heard. Yeah.
261
00:12:44,920 --> 00:12:48,240
And then when you got outside,
"Fucking cock". Yep.
262
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:51,760
Sorry,
just trying to stay calm here, Greg.
263
00:12:51,800 --> 00:12:52,880
LAUGHTER
264
00:12:52,920 --> 00:12:54,520
OK. Time for Alex to stop for
265
00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:58,720
a few minutes of mindfulness.
Close your eyes. Breathe deeply.
266
00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,640
Thank you, welcome back.
267
00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:17,920
Here we are again, safe
and sound in part two.
268
00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:20,680
Yeah, safe and sound here, sure.
But not so safe in the house, Greg,
269
00:13:20,720 --> 00:13:22,960
because there's
a bloody robot on the loose!
270
00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:26,840
Three people left. It's Emma,
Baba and Jacka.
271
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:28,560
Charging station.
272
00:13:28,600 --> 00:13:29,840
Walk.
273
00:13:31,120 --> 00:13:34,760
Walk at charging station. No. Why?
274
00:13:34,800 --> 00:13:36,520
Station.
BUZZ
275
00:13:36,560 --> 00:13:37,560
OK.
276
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:38,600
This way.
277
00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:42,280
This way. This way.
278
00:13:42,320 --> 00:13:44,320
This way.This way.
279
00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:50,440
Um, uh... Um, hang on, what,
what, what. Instruction, please.
280
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,440
Laugh.
ROBOT LAUGHS
281
00:13:54,480 --> 00:13:56,320
Walk at charging plug.
282
00:13:56,360 --> 00:13:58,800
Charging plug is behind me.
283
00:14:01,160 --> 00:14:05,240
Find plu...find plug.
284
00:14:05,280 --> 00:14:08,040
Plug there.
LAUGHTER
285
00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,200
Laugh.
ROBOT LAUGHS
286
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:14,560
Laugh.
287
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,200
ROBOT LAUGHS
288
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:17,240
This way.
289
00:14:17,280 --> 00:14:19,400
This way. This way.
290
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:22,280
Where's that charging station?
Laugh!
291
00:14:22,320 --> 00:14:24,000
ROBOT LAUGHS
292
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:26,080
Laugh!
ROBOT LAUGHS
293
00:14:26,120 --> 00:14:27,880
Laugh!
ROBOT LAUGHS
294
00:14:27,920 --> 00:14:29,520
Oh!
295
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:32,160
Laugh!
ROBOT GIGGLES
296
00:14:32,200 --> 00:14:35,480
I've found it, robot. OK.
297
00:14:35,520 --> 00:14:36,720
Do not touch me.
298
00:14:36,760 --> 00:14:38,280
Stay... Stay.
299
00:14:39,760 --> 00:14:41,200
I mean, you're useless at this.
300
00:14:41,240 --> 00:14:42,480
Thank you.
301
00:14:42,520 --> 00:14:45,040
Squat, squat. Squat?
302
00:14:45,080 --> 00:14:49,560
This way. This way. Yeah. Oh!
303
00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:51,800
Oh, I can't touch you. Ow. Oh.
304
00:14:53,000 --> 00:14:54,280
Crawl.
305
00:14:57,320 --> 00:15:00,160
Oh, my God. OK.
306
00:15:00,200 --> 00:15:02,960
INAUDIBLE
307
00:15:03,000 --> 00:15:05,400
Laugh.
ROBOT LAUGHS
308
00:15:05,440 --> 00:15:07,120
What is this thing?
309
00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:08,960
Wait. Wait.
310
00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,160
There must be s... It must be out
here. Pursuit.
311
00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:13,240
Follow...
BUZZ
312
00:15:13,280 --> 00:15:14,280
Follow...
BUZZ
313
00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:15,520
Come.
BUZZ
314
00:15:15,560 --> 00:15:16,800
Move.
BUZZ
315
00:15:16,840 --> 00:15:18,840
What, oh, walk! Walk.
316
00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:22,480
Where is this charging point?
What, no, ah, ah!
317
00:15:22,520 --> 00:15:24,280
I've got it, I've got it.
318
00:15:24,320 --> 00:15:26,360
Turn lady, turn lady.
319
00:15:26,400 --> 00:15:29,640
Small. Small. Walk.
320
00:15:29,680 --> 00:15:32,160
Hmm. Uh, cease.
BUZZ
321
00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:36,000
Uh... Um...No.Uh, uh, wait.
BEEP
322
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:39,040
Pursuit. Turn.
323
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,480
This way.
324
00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:43,960
This way.
325
00:15:44,000 --> 00:15:45,880
Stairs. Stairs. Stairs.
326
00:15:45,920 --> 00:15:48,800
Run lady, run lady.
327
00:15:48,840 --> 00:15:51,280
Run! Wait. Follow.
BUZZ
328
00:15:51,320 --> 00:15:53,480
No follow. Oh.
329
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:54,760
Left, left.
BUZZ
330
00:15:54,800 --> 00:15:56,320
I can't go left. Wait... Wait!
331
00:15:56,360 --> 00:15:57,440
I can't go left.
332
00:15:57,480 --> 00:15:59,640
What are you doing?
I can't go left.
333
00:15:59,680 --> 00:16:01,960
Pursuit. Quick. Quick.
334
00:16:03,280 --> 00:16:05,320
Run my lady. Run my lady.
335
00:16:05,360 --> 00:16:07,840
This way, this way,
this way, this way, this way.
336
00:16:07,880 --> 00:16:11,520
Wait. Turn. Wait.
337
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:14,120
Laugh.
ROBOT GIGGLES
338
00:16:15,160 --> 00:16:17,840
Oh. Oh. Ooh. Ooh!
339
00:16:17,880 --> 00:16:20,200
You charging? Charging.
340
00:16:20,240 --> 00:16:21,240
Brrrap!
341
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,920
Thank you. You're welcome.
342
00:16:24,440 --> 00:16:26,680
APPLAUSE
343
00:16:29,200 --> 00:16:32,160
This is the only task where I...I
was gonna...
344
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:35,080
I don't feel good saying this. Oh,
my God. This is so not my character.
345
00:16:35,120 --> 00:16:36,640
I was gonna floor that robot.
346
00:16:38,680 --> 00:16:41,680
That didn't come across at all. It
didn't because I hide it so well.
347
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:44,960
Jack, did you enjoy that? You looked
quite annoyed by the robot.
348
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:47,880
It was annoying. I'd forgotten which
vowels you couldn't use.
349
00:16:47,920 --> 00:16:50,520
But you settled on one instruction,
in the end. Pursuit.
350
00:16:50,560 --> 00:16:53,240
Which is quite strange. It is,
it is.
351
00:16:53,280 --> 00:16:55,240
But it did work, actually,
it did work.
352
00:16:55,280 --> 00:16:57,240
Jack really laughed hard when
353
00:16:57,280 --> 00:17:01,560
the robot revealed his charging
station was near his bottom.
354
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,000
Do you want the times?
Tell me some times.
355
00:17:03,040 --> 00:17:05,640
Well, Andy, 21 minutes.
Rosie, 16:40.
356
00:17:05,680 --> 00:17:07,520
Jack was nine minutes, three
seconds,
357
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:11,280
Baba, seven minutes, 39.
But Emma, six minutes, 56.
358
00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:13,880
Five points to Emma Sidi.
APPLAUSE
359
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:17,320
What's that done to
the scores, Alex?
360
00:17:17,360 --> 00:17:19,320
Well, I can tell you this.
She's not won an episode
361
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:20,680
yet. She's the only one who hasn't.
362
00:17:20,720 --> 00:17:23,000
But Emma is in the lead with
ten points. Whoa!
363
00:17:23,040 --> 00:17:24,680
APPLAUSE
364
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,440
What. Is. Next?
365
00:17:29,480 --> 00:17:31,640
I. Can. Tell. You.
366
00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:35,640
I'm afraid the cast have created
quite the stink. Ooh.
367
00:17:47,840 --> 00:17:49,480
Oh! Sorry. Sorry.
368
00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:52,280
Hello, Emma. Hello. How are you?
369
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:57,320
Hi, Alex.
370
00:17:57,360 --> 00:17:59,520
It's good to see you using
the bat, finally.
371
00:18:00,920 --> 00:18:02,360
Well, you never know, do you?
372
00:18:03,560 --> 00:18:04,920
OK. Oh...
373
00:18:07,240 --> 00:18:12,080
Make the strongest smell.
374
00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:14,720
The strongest smell.
375
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:18,600
You must seal your smell in
this jar...
376
00:18:18,640 --> 00:18:21,640
..and the Taskmaster will open it in
the studio.
377
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:23,560
You have 20 minutes.
378
00:18:23,600 --> 00:18:24,840
Your time starts now.
379
00:18:27,160 --> 00:18:29,080
You want me to fart in it?
380
00:18:29,120 --> 00:18:31,240
Ha-ha-ha. I'm not
gonna do that.
381
00:18:32,440 --> 00:18:38,840
I'm sorry what I'm about to do.
LAUGHTER
382
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:42,440
Make the strongest smell. OK,
uh, yeah, so strongest smell
383
00:18:42,480 --> 00:18:44,440
but not nastiest smell.
384
00:18:44,480 --> 00:18:46,400
So it could be a nice smell.
385
00:18:46,440 --> 00:18:48,200
Right, well, I'm gonna go and look.
386
00:18:48,240 --> 00:18:50,560
I mean there's all these air
fresheners here.
387
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:51,600
There's that.
388
00:18:52,760 --> 00:18:54,920
But that's probably got
a battery in it.
389
00:18:54,960 --> 00:18:57,960
If that's just constantly squirting
stuff out...
390
00:18:58,000 --> 00:19:02,360
I don't want to ming him out. Do
you know what I mean?
391
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,240
Milk.
392
00:19:04,280 --> 00:19:08,760
Imagine that in three months.
393
00:19:08,800 --> 00:19:10,840
We're gonna make magic here, Alex.
394
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:15,400
Bit of science going on there, by
the looks of it.
395
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:17,560
It's growing... Yeah.
Meant to be growing?
396
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,400
We'll let it grow if it wants
to grow.
397
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:24,840
Ooh, that's strong.
398
00:19:27,960 --> 00:19:30,000
What do you think?
Can you smell it yet?
399
00:19:31,160 --> 00:19:32,840
It's quite subtle, isn't it?
400
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:34,240
Shit.
401
00:19:36,440 --> 00:19:43,840
This is gonna be absolutely foul.
402
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,720
Let's shake it. Oh, Jesus.
403
00:19:50,800 --> 00:19:52,440
I hope you like Marmite, fam.
404
00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:56,440
Mmm. Urgh. No? Swear down?
Uh, I don't mind it. I can...
405
00:19:56,480 --> 00:19:59,080
No, bro. Like, live your truth.
If you like it, you like it, bro.
406
00:19:59,120 --> 00:20:00,360
Well, I can take it or leave it.
407
00:20:00,400 --> 00:20:03,280
That's lovely. It's not that strong.
408
00:20:03,320 --> 00:20:05,680
He's gonna have
the shock of his life, boy.
409
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:09,320
I think that one's...that one's a
bit stronger.
410
00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,880
You are putting in some things that
get rid of stubborn smells.
411
00:20:12,920 --> 00:20:14,880
Uh, I hadn't really thought of that.
412
00:20:16,560 --> 00:20:18,680
That's probably
the best idea anyone would've had.
413
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:21,000
Cos everyone else'll be going out
finding smelly stuff
414
00:20:21,040 --> 00:20:26,600
to put in the jar. Not you. Not me.
No. I'm a...I'm in my own league.
415
00:20:26,640 --> 00:20:28,600
That's for you, my guy.
416
00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:30,240
You finished, have you? Yeah.
417
00:20:30,280 --> 00:20:31,280
OK.
418
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:33,760
Oh, that's coming up lovely.
419
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,080
Where's my grater?
420
00:20:39,800 --> 00:20:41,040
It's quite nice.
421
00:20:41,080 --> 00:20:43,520
Does... It's not... It doesn't smell
of anything, does it?
422
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:45,880
I think you're gonna need to seal
that up in the next four seconds.
423
00:20:45,920 --> 00:20:47,320
Oh, right. I've gotta s...
424
00:20:49,600 --> 00:20:51,280
WHISTLE BLOWS
Can I shake it?
425
00:20:51,320 --> 00:20:53,080
I'm not sure that's wise. Right.
426
00:20:55,200 --> 00:20:57,520
APPLAUSE
427
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:00,560
As if by magic, this has appeared.
428
00:21:00,600 --> 00:21:03,040
Underneath each pictured sheath is
their jar.
429
00:21:03,080 --> 00:21:04,160
The thing is, though, Greg,
430
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:06,160
do you think some people are more
observant than others?
431
00:21:06,200 --> 00:21:08,680
Yes. Well, I do wanna show you this.
432
00:21:08,720 --> 00:21:10,360
All right.
433
00:21:10,400 --> 00:21:11,960
Make the strongest smell.
434
00:21:12,000 --> 00:21:13,080
Oh!
435
00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:15,920
Oh.
436
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:18,720
You must smell your smell in
the studio before
437
00:21:18,760 --> 00:21:20,880
the Taskmaster smells your smell.
438
00:21:20,920 --> 00:21:24,160
LAUGHTER
If you refuse to smell your smell
439
00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:26,480
the Taskmaster will not smell
your smell
440
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:28,760
and you will receive zero points.
441
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:30,840
So is that to sort of...
442
00:21:30,880 --> 00:21:34,440
..discourage poos?
LAUGHTER
443
00:21:34,480 --> 00:21:36,560
No, we didn't put that in
to discourage poos.
444
00:21:36,600 --> 00:21:38,720
You can still p...poo in it if
you want.
445
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:45,800
I should probably say at this point,
we have run this by lawyers
446
00:21:45,840 --> 00:21:47,480
and scientists. Wow.
447
00:21:47,520 --> 00:21:50,000
And they do say, when smelling
the jars, it shouldn't be
448
00:21:50,040 --> 00:21:53,240
a deep breath,
a shortish sniff is the best option.
449
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:55,520
They also shouldn't be sticking
their nose right into
450
00:21:55,560 --> 00:21:58,000
the glass jar.
It is just strongest smell.
451
00:21:58,040 --> 00:21:59,680
That's all we want. Strongest.
Strongest, right.
452
00:21:59,720 --> 00:22:01,640
So it doesn't have to be foulest.
Yeah, strongest smell.
453
00:22:01,680 --> 00:22:04,280
You monster.
LAUGHTER
454
00:22:04,320 --> 00:22:09,600
Honestly, about every other day,
455
00:22:09,640 --> 00:22:13,280
I've been thinking about it.
456
00:22:13,320 --> 00:22:14,880
LAUGHTER
457
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:18,160
I'm really excited.
458
00:22:19,280 --> 00:22:22,520
Rosie called it eggy-milky-cheesy
surprise.
459
00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:24,160
The only surprise is gonna be,
460
00:22:24,200 --> 00:22:26,840
as well as puking, am
I gonna shit myself?
461
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:28,320
Yeah.
462
00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:30,920
Let's start with
the person who knew the right thing
463
00:22:30,960 --> 00:22:34,680
to do. So, Emma, please step behind
your sheath.
464
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,280
So, what you're gonna do,
Emma, is unsheathe your jar
465
00:22:37,320 --> 00:22:40,120
and then put your sheath...
LAUGHTER
466
00:22:40,160 --> 00:22:41,840
It's clearly a cardboard box.
467
00:22:41,880 --> 00:22:45,520
You're gonna...you're gonna put your
pictured sheath behind your jar.
468
00:22:45,560 --> 00:22:48,040
Lovely. And then pop your jar on top
of your pictured sheath.
469
00:22:48,080 --> 00:22:50,280
That's perfect. That should be about
the right height and angle.
470
00:22:50,320 --> 00:22:51,880
Sheath, jar, sniff.
471
00:22:51,920 --> 00:22:53,080
Sniff and shut.
472
00:22:54,800 --> 00:22:56,680
Ah, yeah, that was bloody strong.
473
00:22:59,640 --> 00:23:00,760
Thank you, Emma.
474
00:23:00,800 --> 00:23:05,760
All right, this is gonna set the
bar. It's perfume, tea and fruit.
475
00:23:10,120 --> 00:23:12,640
At best, mild.
476
00:23:12,680 --> 00:23:14,360
Happy with that.
477
00:23:15,880 --> 00:23:19,200
Genuinely spa-like. I feel relaxed.
478
00:23:19,240 --> 00:23:20,520
Great, yeah, yeah.
479
00:23:20,560 --> 00:23:22,120
OK, Baba. You're up next.
480
00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:24,200
Baba, everybody. Lovely.
481
00:23:26,000 --> 00:23:27,640
OK. That looks evil.
482
00:23:30,840 --> 00:23:31,920
Yeah.
483
00:23:31,960 --> 00:23:33,800
LAUGHTER
484
00:23:36,000 --> 00:23:38,120
I was gonna say we didn't know if
he'd breathed in or out there
485
00:23:38,160 --> 00:23:39,720
but I think we know.
486
00:23:39,760 --> 00:23:41,080
I feel light-headed.
487
00:23:41,120 --> 00:23:43,120
I thought Baba was
disappointed initially,
488
00:23:43,160 --> 00:23:45,680
and then I thought his eyes
were actually going to come out.
489
00:23:48,320 --> 00:23:49,600
Yeah.
490
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:54,880
It's got a bit of power
to it, all right.
491
00:23:54,920 --> 00:23:56,480
Did you...did you get the Marmite?
492
00:23:56,520 --> 00:23:57,840
I felt that broke through.
493
00:23:59,040 --> 00:24:01,320
I can smell Marmite from here. Yeah.
494
00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:03,040
That was unpleasant.
495
00:24:03,080 --> 00:24:06,920
E...Emma's was like wandering around
a Laura Ashley shop.
496
00:24:06,960 --> 00:24:09,480
Right. Let's stop for a break
and to counteract
497
00:24:09,520 --> 00:24:13,200
the mindless consumerism you're
about to watch, some Shakespeare.
498
00:24:13,240 --> 00:24:15,400
If thou wert my fool
499
00:24:15,440 --> 00:24:18,760
I'd have thee beaten
for being old before thy time.
500
00:24:18,800 --> 00:24:20,440
How's that?
501
00:24:20,480 --> 00:24:24,320
Thou shouldst not have been old till
thou hadst been wise.
502
00:24:24,360 --> 00:24:31,280
O, let me not be mad, not mad, sweet
heaven! I would not be mad.
503
00:24:31,320 --> 00:24:34,680
Keep me in temper.
I would not be mad.
504
00:24:36,200 --> 00:24:38,720
All right, you can
go and buy an air fryer now.
505
00:24:50,480 --> 00:24:52,800
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Hello, again!
506
00:24:52,840 --> 00:24:54,880
You join us for
the third part of the show,
507
00:24:54,920 --> 00:24:57,000
where more jars are waiting
to be opened.
508
00:24:57,040 --> 00:24:59,600
Remember, it's the
strongest smell we're after,
509
00:24:59,640 --> 00:25:01,240
so here we go with our next one.
510
00:25:01,280 --> 00:25:04,200
Shall we see if Jones comes up
smelling of Rosies?
511
00:25:04,240 --> 00:25:05,440
Well... Yeah!
512
00:25:05,480 --> 00:25:07,960
We do need to say,
with the next three,
513
00:25:08,000 --> 00:25:10,360
if you could not be quite
as close to the smell.
514
00:25:10,400 --> 00:25:13,680
LAUGHTER
OK. Jesus Christ.
515
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:16,560
AUDIENCE GROANS
516
00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,960
It retained its colour.
517
00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:22,000
Ahh!
LAUGHTER
518
00:25:22,040 --> 00:25:26,800
This is top ten
519
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:29,200
moments of my life.
520
00:25:29,240 --> 00:25:31,920
LAUGHTER
521
00:25:31,960 --> 00:25:33,160
And now, you can go.
522
00:25:35,920 --> 00:25:37,280
Fine.
523
00:25:37,320 --> 00:25:40,280
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
524
00:25:40,320 --> 00:25:42,760
I quite like it!
525
00:25:42,800 --> 00:25:45,520
Right, OK, you go up.
Thank you Rosie. Ah.
526
00:25:45,560 --> 00:25:47,720
APPLAUSE
527
00:25:47,760 --> 00:25:51,400
Oh, I thought that would be worse.
528
00:25:51,440 --> 00:25:53,880
Well, it's been airtight
for 14 weeks, so... Yeah.
529
00:25:53,920 --> 00:25:55,880
JACK: Yeah, you're right not
to trust, I think.
530
00:25:55,920 --> 00:25:58,320
I don't trust her.
A wise move. Go on!
531
00:25:58,360 --> 00:26:01,360
And the reason I'm dragging this
out a bit is I just want to wait
532
00:26:01,400 --> 00:26:02,960
to see if you puke up.
533
00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,960
LAUGHTER
534
00:26:06,600 --> 00:26:08,920
Oh.
LAUGHTER
535
00:26:08,960 --> 00:26:10,960
I'm annoyed.
536
00:26:12,560 --> 00:26:14,560
Oh, this is has backfired. Yeah.
537
00:26:14,600 --> 00:26:15,600
My God, it's...
538
00:26:15,640 --> 00:26:19,400
I actually think this smells less
than...Emma's flower shop.
539
00:26:23,440 --> 00:26:26,280
OK, well, it's Jack next
with his air freshener.
540
00:26:26,320 --> 00:26:28,000
We do have to read a word of warning
541
00:26:28,040 --> 00:26:30,680
about this highly-pressurised jar
first of all.
542
00:26:30,720 --> 00:26:33,480
Do not ingest, avoid contact
with eyes, skin and clothing,
543
00:26:33,520 --> 00:26:35,840
avoid breathing gas,
avoid breathing vapour or mist,
544
00:26:35,880 --> 00:26:37,240
use only with adequate ventilation.
545
00:26:37,280 --> 00:26:38,640
Good luck, Jack. Good.
546
00:26:38,680 --> 00:26:42,920
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
547
00:26:42,960 --> 00:26:45,720
This has gotta be dangerous,
hasn't it? OK.
548
00:26:49,600 --> 00:26:51,040
EMMA: Ooh!
549
00:26:51,080 --> 00:26:55,880
Ooh, it popped, all right.
That's lively, innit? Yeah.
550
00:26:55,920 --> 00:26:59,080
Well, it-it smells like
a disgusting air freshener.
551
00:26:59,120 --> 00:27:00,360
It's come here straight away.
552
00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:02,320
Yeah. There it is. Y-Yeah.
553
00:27:02,360 --> 00:27:04,520
Did you get the cool elegance
of fine linen?
554
00:27:04,560 --> 00:27:06,560
LAUGHTER
555
00:27:09,200 --> 00:27:11,360
Oh!
LAUGHTER
556
00:27:11,400 --> 00:27:14,040
That is unpleasant.
557
00:27:14,080 --> 00:27:16,240
Ooh, that's like my nan's
come back to life.
558
00:27:16,280 --> 00:27:18,240
LAUGHTER
559
00:27:18,280 --> 00:27:21,680
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
560
00:27:21,720 --> 00:27:23,600
OK. Good. One left - finally...
561
00:27:23,640 --> 00:27:25,080
JACK SNORTS
562
00:27:25,120 --> 00:27:27,160
Ooh, that has made me feel
a bit funny, actually.
563
00:27:27,200 --> 00:27:29,920
Are you all right?
LAUGHTER
564
00:27:29,960 --> 00:27:32,840
OK, one left - finally, with a
blend of mouthwash, de-icer,
565
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:34,680
oven cleaner, raspberry bath pearls,
566
00:27:34,720 --> 00:27:38,000
stain remover, malt vinegar,
cider vinegar, moisturising cream,
567
00:27:38,040 --> 00:27:40,160
vague alcohol liquid, grated
wellies, hair wax,
568
00:27:40,200 --> 00:27:43,240
eight dishwasher tablets,
flowers, a brain candle, sardines,
569
00:27:43,280 --> 00:27:45,720
and a goblin fart,
it's Andy Zaltzman!
570
00:27:45,760 --> 00:27:49,000
LAUGHTER
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
571
00:27:51,240 --> 00:27:52,920
Oh, bloody hell!
AUDIENCE GROANS
572
00:27:52,960 --> 00:27:54,520
Oh, that looks like something.
573
00:27:56,200 --> 00:27:59,000
LAUGHTER
574
00:28:00,840 --> 00:28:02,280
C-Count to three.
575
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:06,240
ROSIE: Ah.
576
00:28:06,280 --> 00:28:08,200
EMMA GASPS
Oh!
577
00:28:08,240 --> 00:28:12,640
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
578
00:28:15,720 --> 00:28:18,400
EMMA: That's awful!
JACK: That's...
579
00:28:18,440 --> 00:28:20,400
..that's how I'm going
to remember you.
580
00:28:20,440 --> 00:28:21,880
LAUGHTER
581
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:23,280
Oh. Close it.
582
00:28:23,320 --> 00:28:25,040
Oh, get fucked!
583
00:28:25,080 --> 00:28:29,000
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
584
00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:30,920
GREG GROANS
585
00:28:30,960 --> 00:28:33,560
Ah, that is unpleasant.
Yeah, that's not nice.
586
00:28:33,600 --> 00:28:35,440
That is unholy, actually!
587
00:28:35,480 --> 00:28:37,960
Really unusual. Really unusual mix.
588
00:28:38,000 --> 00:28:39,720
But I'm not marking it on grossness.
589
00:28:39,760 --> 00:28:41,600
I'm marking it on strength,
aren't I? Strength.
590
00:28:41,640 --> 00:28:44,560
Strength of smell.
Your delicious yoghurty breakfast
591
00:28:44,600 --> 00:28:46,640
barely smelt at all. Yeah!
592
00:28:46,680 --> 00:28:49,480
So, that's one point to Rosie.
I'm afraid so, yeah.
593
00:28:49,520 --> 00:28:53,280
Next up, it was Emma's delightful
stroll through the countryside.
594
00:28:53,320 --> 00:28:54,720
Yeah. Yeah. So, two to Emma.
595
00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:56,000
Yeah. Proudly take that.
596
00:28:56,040 --> 00:28:58,120
And then, in terms of strength -
597
00:28:58,160 --> 00:29:00,600
if there were style points -
Andy would win,
598
00:29:00,640 --> 00:29:03,040
cos it's one of the worst smells
I've ever smelt.
599
00:29:03,080 --> 00:29:04,520
But, in terms of the power...
600
00:29:04,560 --> 00:29:05,800
The power.
601
00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:08,200
..Andy would be three points. Oh!
602
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:11,160
And then, Baba's Marmite
and coffee would be four,
603
00:29:11,200 --> 00:29:13,800
and the most powerful smell -
if that's what I'm judging on,
604
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:16,360
strength of smell... Which it is.
..would be Jack Dee.
605
00:29:16,400 --> 00:29:19,040
Well, there we go, five points to
100 cans of air freshener!
606
00:29:19,080 --> 00:29:22,920
Jack Dee!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
607
00:29:22,960 --> 00:29:25,320
I'd very much like another task,
please, Alex.
608
00:29:25,360 --> 00:29:27,120
And finally.
609
00:29:39,920 --> 00:29:43,560
ROSIE: Ooh! Lovely.
610
00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:45,560
Hello. Hello!
611
00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,200
Hi, Alex. You all right?
612
00:29:47,240 --> 00:29:50,040
Yes, I am.
Yeah, nice to see you both. Good.
613
00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:51,200
Matching outfits.
614
00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:53,160
LAUGHTER
615
00:29:54,280 --> 00:29:55,360
EMMA: Shall I open it?
616
00:29:55,400 --> 00:29:57,240
Yeah, you have to. All right.
617
00:29:57,280 --> 00:29:59,000
You well?
618
00:29:59,040 --> 00:30:00,640
Adequate.
619
00:30:00,680 --> 00:30:08,120
"Present the most
heart-warming final story
620
00:30:08,160 --> 00:30:13,560
"for a local news programme.
621
00:30:13,600 --> 00:30:15,000
"You have half an hour,
622
00:30:15,040 --> 00:30:17,880
"and your story must last
no more than two minutes.
623
00:30:17,920 --> 00:30:19,480
"Your time starts now."
624
00:30:19,520 --> 00:30:25,200
Has the story got to be true?
625
00:30:25,240 --> 00:30:27,880
What, do you want to go and do
some actual journalism?
626
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:29,480
Out there. Yeah.
627
00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:33,440
We could just go out there and...
Find a person.
628
00:30:33,480 --> 00:30:35,880
HE CHUCKLES
..find a person, yeah.
629
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:38,200
Could be barbequing
some actual hearts?
630
00:30:38,240 --> 00:30:40,280
That would be literally
heart-warming?
631
00:30:40,320 --> 00:30:42,600
LAUGHTER
There's something in it.
632
00:30:42,640 --> 00:30:44,640
It's usually that thing, you know,
633
00:30:44,680 --> 00:30:47,640
"And finally, a baby panda
has been born."
634
00:30:47,680 --> 00:30:49,800
Babies are cute.
635
00:30:49,840 --> 00:30:51,640
Not everyone likes babies that much.
636
00:30:51,680 --> 00:30:54,560
Usually, things like puppies
and stuff are more... Yeah.
637
00:30:54,600 --> 00:30:57,480
You know, they're more
heart-warming, aren't they? Yeah.
638
00:30:57,520 --> 00:30:59,600
BABA: Local animal
that's given birth.
639
00:30:59,640 --> 00:31:01,760
Birth is always, you know...
Well, birth is good.
640
00:31:01,800 --> 00:31:03,120
That is beautiful. Birth is good.
641
00:31:03,160 --> 00:31:05,400
Well, there's giving birth
to something unexpected.
642
00:31:05,440 --> 00:31:07,120
The gerbil that gave birth to a car.
643
00:31:07,160 --> 00:31:08,720
Aw!
644
00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:11,120
Well, the news broadcast
starts in 27 minutes.
645
00:31:11,160 --> 00:31:13,120
Nice one. Let's do it,
let's go. Come on.
646
00:31:13,160 --> 00:31:16,720
APPLAUSE
647
00:31:19,480 --> 00:31:21,920
You get asked to think of
a heart-warming story,
648
00:31:21,960 --> 00:31:25,040
Zaltzman says,
"What if we burn a heart?"
649
00:31:25,080 --> 00:31:28,000
And Jack Dee crashes in with,
"Not everyone likes babies."
650
00:31:28,040 --> 00:31:29,320
LAUGHTER
651
00:31:29,360 --> 00:31:31,600
Let's see these news teams
in action. OK.
652
00:31:31,640 --> 00:31:33,920
It's time to switch over
now to Croydon Today,
653
00:31:33,960 --> 00:31:36,080
with Anna, Baba, and Emma.
654
00:31:36,120 --> 00:31:38,760
EMMA: Unfortunately,
the largest of the crocodiles
655
00:31:38,800 --> 00:31:40,080
is still at large.
656
00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:43,160
And finally, some heart-warming
local news now!
657
00:31:43,200 --> 00:31:45,680
We meet the local woman who
is potentially about to become
658
00:31:45,720 --> 00:31:47,680
the oldest winner of
the Tour de France.
659
00:31:47,720 --> 00:31:49,000
LAUGHTER
660
00:31:49,040 --> 00:31:50,600
Mrs Isabella Cratchington
661
00:31:50,640 --> 00:31:52,960
is on track to win
the coveted yellow jersey.
662
00:31:53,000 --> 00:31:56,280
We join our cycling correspondent
Gogo Jenkins as he finds out
663
00:31:56,320 --> 00:31:58,480
how she's getting along. Gogo?
664
00:32:00,200 --> 00:32:01,880
Gogo?
665
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:03,680
Gogo Jenkins, are you there?
666
00:32:05,360 --> 00:32:08,160
Gogo, mate? Gogo.
667
00:32:08,200 --> 00:32:09,480
Hi, Sophie!
LAUGHTER
668
00:32:09,520 --> 00:32:12,080
Er, yeah. I'm here at
the Champs Elysees, in Paris,
669
00:32:12,120 --> 00:32:13,560
where the atmosphere is tense
670
00:32:13,600 --> 00:32:17,320
as we await what could potentially
be the oldest person to compete
671
00:32:17,360 --> 00:32:19,120
and win the Tour de France.
672
00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:22,760
Now, this tournament has been
full of ups and downs - oh!
673
00:32:22,800 --> 00:32:26,400
I can confirm Isabella
is our new champion!
674
00:32:26,440 --> 00:32:28,160
Now, there will be doping checks -
675
00:32:28,200 --> 00:32:31,120
which, in this case,
she most likely will fail.
676
00:32:31,160 --> 00:32:32,640
Hi, I'm here with the winner of
677
00:32:32,680 --> 00:32:34,920
the Tour de France,
Isabella Cratchington.
678
00:32:34,960 --> 00:32:37,080
Isabella, what was your strategy?
679
00:32:37,120 --> 00:32:39,400
Well, to get to the end, erm,
680
00:32:39,440 --> 00:32:41,280
in a shorter time than
everyone else.
681
00:32:41,320 --> 00:32:43,080
Now, Isabella, I have to ask you,
682
00:32:43,120 --> 00:32:45,880
what are your thoughts on
performance-enhancing drugs
683
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:47,000
in this competition?
684
00:32:47,040 --> 00:32:48,440
Erm, w-well, er,
685
00:32:48,480 --> 00:32:51,520
I would say that it's never
been proved, has it?
686
00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:55,840
Yes, no proo...it's hearsay,
and it's, er, it's fine.
687
00:32:55,880 --> 00:32:58,600
Thank you very much.
Back to you at the studio.
688
00:32:58,640 --> 00:33:01,600
Gogo, er, I know that woman.
689
00:33:01,640 --> 00:33:03,520
And I know for a fact
690
00:33:03,560 --> 00:33:05,280
that she should not be there.
691
00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:07,800
That's all from us.
692
00:33:07,840 --> 00:33:10,760
Have a lovely weekend, and do
remember that the new volcano
693
00:33:10,800 --> 00:33:12,240
will erupt on Saturday at 7pm.
694
00:33:12,280 --> 00:33:14,160
LAUGHTER
Stay safe, bye-bye.
695
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:16,560
APPLAUSE
696
00:33:18,120 --> 00:33:19,480
It was very good. Very good.
697
00:33:19,520 --> 00:33:21,240
EMMA: I think Andy was very -
698
00:33:21,280 --> 00:33:24,080
you were, sort of, very
inspired by this story and...
699
00:33:24,120 --> 00:33:26,080
Yeah, I've taken up road cycling,
700
00:33:26,120 --> 00:33:28,040
and I've won the
Tour de France myself.
701
00:33:28,080 --> 00:33:29,400
Have you? Yeah.
702
00:33:29,440 --> 00:33:32,640
I think that Isabella Cratchington
looks younger than Andy.
703
00:33:32,680 --> 00:33:35,120
LAUGHTER
704
00:33:37,960 --> 00:33:39,680
That's probably the blood doping.
705
00:33:39,720 --> 00:33:41,360
You know, does wonders.
706
00:33:41,400 --> 00:33:44,280
We don't generally
see real news anchors going,
707
00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:46,320
"There's more I can tell you
about that, but I won't."
708
00:33:46,360 --> 00:33:48,920
LAUGHTER
Yeah, they don't say it with words.
709
00:33:48,960 --> 00:33:51,000
But they do say it with
their eyes, Greg. Do they?
710
00:33:51,040 --> 00:33:53,240
Fiona Bruce definitely says
that with her eyes. Absolutely.
711
00:33:53,280 --> 00:33:55,280
Maybe I'm just not looking
hard enough. Well. Hmm.
712
00:33:55,320 --> 00:33:57,040
Not a bad start.
Shall we have a break,
713
00:33:57,080 --> 00:33:58,640
and then, see the other one? OK.
714
00:33:58,680 --> 00:34:00,040
In the final part of the show,
715
00:34:00,080 --> 00:34:02,400
the usual quality of prizes
are there to be won.
716
00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:05,160
Jelly powder and
some desiccated trampoline.
717
00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:07,040
Or, as my nan liked to call it,
718
00:34:07,080 --> 00:34:09,000
"ration book trifle."
LAUGHTER
719
00:34:09,040 --> 00:34:11,080
We'll see you in a bit.
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
720
00:34:21,520 --> 00:34:22,880
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
Yes, hello!
721
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:25,120
Welcome back to the final
part of Taskmaster,
722
00:34:25,160 --> 00:34:27,480
where there are
some local news stations
723
00:34:27,520 --> 00:34:31,400
wrapping up their shows with
a final heart-warming story.
724
00:34:31,440 --> 00:34:32,840
Bang-on, big bum!
725
00:34:32,880 --> 00:34:36,720
And we end with a fresh look
for anchor Jack Dee
726
00:34:36,760 --> 00:34:38,920
and his roving reporter,
Rosie Jones.
727
00:34:40,640 --> 00:34:42,080
Makes you think, doesn't it?
728
00:34:42,120 --> 00:34:43,600
People like that make me sick.
729
00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:46,400
LAUGHTER
And finally - viewers may recall
730
00:34:46,440 --> 00:34:49,120
the story of Harold the
lonely hedgehog,
731
00:34:49,160 --> 00:34:51,400
who was found at
a bus stop in Lewisham
732
00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:53,520
crying real tears of loneliness.
733
00:34:53,560 --> 00:34:56,840
Many of you viewers have been
in touch asking for an update
734
00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:58,000
on Harold's progress -
735
00:34:58,040 --> 00:35:00,720
and I'm happy to report
that Rosie Jones,
736
00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:04,480
our roaming reporter, has some
heart-warming news.
737
00:35:04,520 --> 00:35:05,880
Rosie.
738
00:35:05,920 --> 00:35:07,440
Thanks, Jack!
739
00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:11,280
I'm not in a lovely, warm
740
00:35:11,320 --> 00:35:14,280
studio like you are.
741
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:18,080
I'm doing the REAL work.
742
00:35:18,120 --> 00:35:25,040
Harold the hedgehog
has met a friend!
743
00:35:25,080 --> 00:35:28,880
Harold and Roger have bonded...
744
00:35:28,920 --> 00:35:34,640
JACK SIGHS
..over their mutual love of leaves,
745
00:35:34,680 --> 00:35:37,960
mud, and cricket.
746
00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:39,080
LAUGHTER
747
00:35:39,120 --> 00:35:45,120
Back to our own prickly hedgehog
748
00:35:45,160 --> 00:35:48,800
in the studio, Jack!
749
00:35:48,840 --> 00:35:50,040
Thanks, Rosie.
750
00:35:50,080 --> 00:35:52,200
Not sure I'm really
actually that prickly.
751
00:35:52,240 --> 00:35:54,160
But anyway,
thank you for joining us.
752
00:35:54,200 --> 00:35:56,200
I hope you found that a
heart-warming story.
753
00:35:56,240 --> 00:35:57,400
I know we certainly did.
754
00:35:57,440 --> 00:35:59,840
Thanks to Rosie Jones there,
out in the field.
755
00:35:59,880 --> 00:36:02,320
Join us again same time
tomorrow on Look Out.
756
00:36:02,360 --> 00:36:05,160
I'm Jack Dee,
and that's all that matters.
757
00:36:05,200 --> 00:36:06,560
What you do mean "prickly"?
758
00:36:06,600 --> 00:36:08,280
You are.
759
00:36:08,320 --> 00:36:11,960
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
760
00:36:14,800 --> 00:36:16,000
I like that look.
761
00:36:16,040 --> 00:36:19,440
What I couldn't really get past
is the joke right at the top,
762
00:36:19,480 --> 00:36:21,360
where Alex Horne is shown,
763
00:36:21,400 --> 00:36:24,600
and there's some suggestion that
764
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:26,440
Alex is an on-the-run sex criminal.
765
00:36:26,480 --> 00:36:29,000
THEY LAUGH
766
00:36:29,040 --> 00:36:31,800
And I enjoyed that joke very much.
767
00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:33,960
But then, when I saw
the news anchor,
768
00:36:34,000 --> 00:36:36,400
I did think there was some
degree of irony there.
769
00:36:36,440 --> 00:36:38,600
LAUGHTER
770
00:36:38,640 --> 00:36:41,320
I'd have that man arrested
based on looks alone.
771
00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:44,960
There seemed to be some sort
of tension between
772
00:36:45,000 --> 00:36:46,520
your two characters, Rosie.
773
00:36:46,560 --> 00:36:53,760
Yeah, basically, I've been wanting
Jack's job for years,
774
00:36:53,800 --> 00:36:57,560
but he won't fucking retire.
775
00:36:57,600 --> 00:37:00,400
LAUGHTER
776
00:37:00,440 --> 00:37:02,960
I had no idea there was such a...
Yeah.
777
00:37:03,000 --> 00:37:04,800
..complicated dynamic. Yes.
778
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:09,320
The dynamic is a programme where
two people have to work together
779
00:37:09,360 --> 00:37:11,800
every day, but absolutely
loathe each other.
780
00:37:11,840 --> 00:37:14,720
I can't remember where I got
the idea from, but it was...
781
00:37:14,760 --> 00:37:16,080
LAUGHTER
782
00:37:16,120 --> 00:37:18,120
That's all a smokescreen. Hmm.
783
00:37:18,160 --> 00:37:20,320
We are lovers.
784
00:37:20,360 --> 00:37:22,840
LAUGHTER
785
00:37:24,280 --> 00:37:25,840
Well, I enjoyed them both. Yeah.
786
00:37:25,880 --> 00:37:28,760
I think there's one point
in between the two teams. OK.
787
00:37:28,800 --> 00:37:30,280
I preferred the old lady.
788
00:37:30,320 --> 00:37:31,480
All right.
789
00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:33,600
How many points do you want
to give that team? Four.
790
00:37:33,640 --> 00:37:36,440
And this team? Three. Done.
There we go, everybody!
791
00:37:36,480 --> 00:37:38,960
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
792
00:37:40,800 --> 00:37:42,880
Hey, let's have a quick
look at the scores.
793
00:37:42,920 --> 00:37:45,680
OK, well, in the series,
it's tight -
794
00:37:45,720 --> 00:37:47,880
just 12 points separating
the five of them.
795
00:37:47,920 --> 00:37:49,800
Rosie's on 67, Emma 72,
796
00:37:49,840 --> 00:37:52,760
Andy also 72,
Baba's in second place on 75.
797
00:37:52,800 --> 00:37:55,960
Jack's in the lead on 79
at the moment. Oh!
798
00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:59,600
But today's leaderboard, she's still
in the lead now, on 16 points,
799
00:37:59,640 --> 00:38:01,760
Emma Sidi's in first place. Oh!
800
00:38:01,800 --> 00:38:05,520
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
801
00:38:06,960 --> 00:38:09,240
Exciting stuff.
OK, please head up to the stage
802
00:38:09,280 --> 00:38:10,760
for the final task of the show!
803
00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:16,520
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
804
00:38:17,840 --> 00:38:19,000
Hey, you. Hmm?
805
00:38:19,040 --> 00:38:20,560
Who's reading the task out today?
806
00:38:20,600 --> 00:38:22,640
Ronnie O'Sulli...
Andy, Andy Zaltzman.
807
00:38:22,680 --> 00:38:24,120
LAUGHTER
808
00:38:24,160 --> 00:38:27,960
"Land your skydiver closest
to the seal.
809
00:38:28,000 --> 00:38:31,520
"You must catapult your
skydiver with the catapult.
810
00:38:31,560 --> 00:38:34,640
"Furthest from the target
each round is eliminated.
811
00:38:34,680 --> 00:38:37,200
"Last player standing wins."
812
00:38:37,240 --> 00:38:39,560
OK, first up, she's in the lead,
it's Emma Sidi.
813
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:41,160
Please approach the catapult.
814
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:43,360
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
815
00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:46,280
EMMA: OK.
Let's dance.
816
00:38:46,320 --> 00:38:47,600
Oh!
817
00:38:47,640 --> 00:38:48,760
CHEERING
818
00:38:51,080 --> 00:38:54,000
We'll be measuring from the little
skydiver, not the parachute,
819
00:38:54,040 --> 00:38:56,840
so that's in the second red -
not bad. Jack Dee's up next.
820
00:38:56,880 --> 00:38:59,640
IN WEAK FRENCH ACCENT:
Good luck, my friend.
821
00:38:59,680 --> 00:39:01,840
Ah, French resistance.
822
00:39:01,880 --> 00:39:03,280
JACK CHUCKLES
823
00:39:03,320 --> 00:39:06,640
AUDIENCE OOHS
APPLAUSE
824
00:39:07,920 --> 00:39:10,480
Lovely action. Lovely landing.
825
00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:12,440
Jack - Jack is safely
through to round two.
826
00:39:12,480 --> 00:39:14,720
Next up, Baba. Good luck.
827
00:39:14,760 --> 00:39:16,040
A-A lovely action.
828
00:39:16,080 --> 00:39:18,800
Whoa. Lovely. Whoa!
He's going for it.
829
00:39:18,840 --> 00:39:21,480
Whoa!
AUDIENCE GASPS
830
00:39:21,520 --> 00:39:24,880
Yes!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
831
00:39:24,920 --> 00:39:26,080
Andy Zaltzman!
832
00:39:26,120 --> 00:39:28,800
The commitment to holding
the cue is incredible.
833
00:39:30,160 --> 00:39:33,080
Zaltzman.
834
00:39:33,120 --> 00:39:36,080
AUDIENCE GASPS
It's high!Ooh!
835
00:39:36,120 --> 00:39:37,840
APPLAUSE
836
00:39:39,840 --> 00:39:42,120
Andy, you're in trouble -
unless Rosie Jones does worse.
837
00:39:42,160 --> 00:39:43,280
Good luck, Rosie.
838
00:39:43,320 --> 00:39:48,360
I'll say it before you all say it.
839
00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:51,160
I'm going to be shit.
840
00:39:51,200 --> 00:39:52,720
LAUGHTER
841
00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:55,840
Right in the fucking face.
842
00:39:55,880 --> 00:39:58,840
LAUGHTER
CHEERING
843
00:39:58,880 --> 00:40:01,640
APPLAUSE
844
00:40:03,560 --> 00:40:05,520
Andy is eliminated!
845
00:40:05,560 --> 00:40:07,760
JACK: Poor Andy. Poor Andy.
846
00:40:07,800 --> 00:40:09,240
But it's round two, Greg, hello!
847
00:40:09,280 --> 00:40:10,280
Hello, there!
848
00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:11,680
It's Emma up first, of course.
849
00:40:11,720 --> 00:40:13,200
Emma, please reapproach
the catapult.
850
00:40:13,240 --> 00:40:15,240
Emma - all to play for,
for Emma Sidi.
851
00:40:15,280 --> 00:40:16,960
Lovely. Oh.
852
00:40:17,000 --> 00:40:18,800
Lovely. Lovely! Good!
853
00:40:18,840 --> 00:40:21,200
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
854
00:40:23,520 --> 00:40:24,720
Jack, you're up next.
855
00:40:24,760 --> 00:40:26,200
Is the little man actually
on the seal?
856
00:40:26,240 --> 00:40:28,160
It's unbelievable.
Almost, yeah. Ah.
857
00:40:28,200 --> 00:40:30,560
Good land, Emma Sidi.
He's breathing!
858
00:40:30,600 --> 00:40:32,440
LAUGHTER
859
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:34,720
He is...he is breathing!
860
00:40:37,600 --> 00:40:40,800
Ooh...ooh.
AUDIENCE GASPS
861
00:40:40,840 --> 00:40:42,880
APPLAUSE
862
00:40:42,920 --> 00:40:44,480
He's in trouble.
863
00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:51,200
Baba, you're up next, if you want
to approach the catapult.
864
00:40:51,240 --> 00:40:53,920
LAUGHTER
865
00:40:53,960 --> 00:40:55,120
Very flat.
866
00:40:55,160 --> 00:40:57,160
Oh, Baba, that's controversial.
867
00:40:57,200 --> 00:40:59,960
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
868
00:41:00,000 --> 00:41:02,680
LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
869
00:41:05,080 --> 00:41:07,280
APPLAUSE CONTINUES
870
00:41:09,040 --> 00:41:10,520
Well, you've got a chance, Rosie.
871
00:41:10,560 --> 00:41:12,520
You've got to not hit
an audience member
872
00:41:12,560 --> 00:41:14,160
to get through to the next round.
873
00:41:14,200 --> 00:41:16,760
I might as well sit here, bro.
JACK: All right, yeah.
874
00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:18,720
ROSIE: I'm going to kill you lot.
875
00:41:18,760 --> 00:41:20,360
LAUGHTER
876
00:41:20,400 --> 00:41:22,040
The guy with the eye out.
877
00:41:25,240 --> 00:41:27,000
She's through!
878
00:41:27,040 --> 00:41:29,560
APPLAUSE
879
00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:33,400
Emma, it's round three.
880
00:41:33,440 --> 00:41:34,800
If you get through this,
you're in the final.
881
00:41:34,840 --> 00:41:36,200
EMMA: Right.
Come on, Em.
882
00:41:36,240 --> 00:41:37,640
I'm doing this for the brunettes.
883
00:41:37,680 --> 00:41:39,200
Yeah, baby!
884
00:41:39,240 --> 00:41:41,000
AUDIENCE WHOOPS
Oh.
885
00:41:42,160 --> 00:41:44,560
Ohh!
AUDIENCE GASPS
886
00:41:44,600 --> 00:41:46,520
APPLAUSE
887
00:41:46,560 --> 00:41:48,600
The heights you've fallen from -
you were on the wood last time.
888
00:41:48,640 --> 00:41:50,520
Shut up.
LAUGHTER
889
00:41:50,560 --> 00:41:53,000
Jack, you're on next.
Good, luck Jack. Here we go.
890
00:41:53,040 --> 00:41:54,200
ROSIE: Ha!
891
00:41:54,240 --> 00:41:56,520
LAUGHTER
892
00:41:56,560 --> 00:41:57,800
I told you. Void it!
893
00:41:57,840 --> 00:41:59,800
That's gamesmanship,
I'm sorry, that.
894
00:41:59,840 --> 00:42:02,320
You're doing it legs first.
895
00:42:02,360 --> 00:42:06,080
Put his legs first, yeah.
Legs first, I'm trying.
896
00:42:06,120 --> 00:42:08,480
That's going to take
someone's eye out. Oh!
897
00:42:08,520 --> 00:42:10,360
APPLAUSE
898
00:42:10,400 --> 00:42:12,280
Jack is in the final.
899
00:42:16,640 --> 00:42:18,440
Rosie, will you join him? Tense.
900
00:42:18,480 --> 00:42:20,200
Ah. Right.
901
00:42:20,240 --> 00:42:23,320
Come on, you bugger.
902
00:42:23,360 --> 00:42:24,720
Or two.
903
00:42:27,800 --> 00:42:29,480
Yeah.
APPLAUSE
904
00:42:29,520 --> 00:42:32,080
We have our finalists.
We've lost Emma Sidi!
905
00:42:36,440 --> 00:42:40,080
I would say, "Good luck, Jacky,"
906
00:42:40,120 --> 00:42:44,560
and if you want to beat me,
907
00:42:44,600 --> 00:42:47,160
a disabled girl...
908
00:42:47,200 --> 00:42:49,360
LAUGHTER
909
00:42:51,520 --> 00:42:53,080
..you do you.
910
00:42:55,040 --> 00:42:58,320
And so, is it compassion or victory
that's more important to Jack?
911
00:42:58,360 --> 00:42:59,760
Well, let's find out.
912
00:43:02,080 --> 00:43:03,400
Clearly victory.
913
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:06,200
APPLAUSE
914
00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:10,520
EMMA: Come on, Rosie.
915
00:43:10,560 --> 00:43:12,360
AUDIENCE CHEERS
916
00:43:12,400 --> 00:43:13,960
Oh, fuck.
917
00:43:14,000 --> 00:43:15,560
LAUGHTER
918
00:43:17,760 --> 00:43:21,160
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
919
00:43:23,120 --> 00:43:25,480
AUDIENCE GASPS
920
00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:28,960
Who do blue...? Blue first.
921
00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:31,040
Peel blue, yeah. Wait and see.
922
00:43:31,080 --> 00:43:32,200
Oh, my God.
923
00:43:32,240 --> 00:43:35,160
And there he is,
just on the edge of red.
924
00:43:35,200 --> 00:43:36,440
Jack wins!
925
00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:38,880
APPLAUSE
926
00:43:38,920 --> 00:43:41,600
Come down here, and we'll add
that to the final scores!
927
00:43:41,640 --> 00:43:44,320
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
928
00:43:45,920 --> 00:43:47,680
How are you feeling, Jack?
929
00:43:47,720 --> 00:43:49,360
Exhilarated and, er,
930
00:43:49,400 --> 00:43:53,200
I feel a little bit guilty after
the exchange, but, you know...
931
00:43:53,240 --> 00:43:55,800
But? ..I had to, it was game -
you know, game on, wasn't it?
932
00:43:55,840 --> 00:43:57,560
That's Taskmaster,
take no prisoners.
933
00:43:57,600 --> 00:43:59,760
Yeah, it's Taskmaster.
Take no prisoners.
934
00:43:59,800 --> 00:44:02,520
LAUGHTER
AUDIENCE AWWS
935
00:44:02,560 --> 00:44:04,640
Would you like to see
the scoreboard? Obviously.
936
00:44:04,680 --> 00:44:07,200
Well, because of what Jack did,
Rosie's come last.
937
00:44:07,240 --> 00:44:09,400
LAUGHTER
938
00:44:10,960 --> 00:44:12,920
And Jack is at the top of
the leaderboard,
939
00:44:12,960 --> 00:44:15,240
joint with Emma Sidi, on 19 points!
940
00:44:15,280 --> 00:44:16,680
Oh, my God!
941
00:44:16,720 --> 00:44:20,240
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
942
00:44:20,280 --> 00:44:21,720
A tie-break!
943
00:44:21,760 --> 00:44:22,760
AUDIENCE WHOOPS
944
00:44:22,800 --> 00:44:25,800
Wow. I know, Greg, yes,
and this one was an easy one.
945
00:44:25,840 --> 00:44:29,480
All they had to do was work out
how many days old I will be
946
00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:31,520
on Christmas Day 2024.
947
00:44:31,560 --> 00:44:32,600
BOTH GROAN
948
00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:34,760
They had to make eye contact
with me the whole time,
949
00:44:34,800 --> 00:44:36,280
and could only give one answer.
950
00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:38,520
The closest to
the correct answer wins.
951
00:44:38,560 --> 00:44:40,200
Here's how they both got on.
952
00:44:40,240 --> 00:44:41,400
Eye contact.
953
00:44:42,560 --> 00:44:45,520
OK. You're 45.
954
00:44:45,560 --> 00:44:47,200
You're 33. Yes, fine.
955
00:44:47,240 --> 00:44:49,200
So, what year were you born?
956
00:44:49,240 --> 00:44:50,440
When do you think I was born?
957
00:44:50,480 --> 00:44:52,400
Oh, come off it,
just answer the question.
958
00:44:52,440 --> 00:44:54,160
I think you were born
on Christmas Day.
959
00:44:54,200 --> 00:44:55,920
Right, like Father Christmas?
960
00:44:55,960 --> 00:45:00,680
So, nine times 365 is 3,000...
Mm-hm.
961
00:45:00,720 --> 00:45:04,520
..and then, I'm going to half that.
1,500.
962
00:45:04,560 --> 00:45:06,800
What? That's, like, nothing.
963
00:45:06,840 --> 00:45:09,960
I think you're...52.
964
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:12,040
Really? Yes, I do!
What's wrong with that?
965
00:45:12,080 --> 00:45:13,240
I was born in 1978.
966
00:45:13,280 --> 00:45:14,680
1978? Mm!
967
00:45:14,720 --> 00:45:17,560
Yes, so how old are you now
this year? It's a simple question.
968
00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:19,200
Sure, yeah. Well I'm, I'm 45 now.
969
00:45:19,240 --> 00:45:21,480
45 now. Yeah, you look at me,
you thought I was...
970
00:45:21,520 --> 00:45:23,320
You're 45. All right.
971
00:45:23,360 --> 00:45:26,360
17,223.
972
00:45:26,400 --> 00:45:28,040
WHISTLE BLOWS
973
00:45:28,080 --> 00:45:30,720
No, there's no way, there's no way
I can do that without a calculator.
974
00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:33,280
OK. I mean, I'm actually...
I'm actually giving up.
975
00:45:33,320 --> 00:45:35,040
Right. Are you going
to give an answer?
976
00:45:35,080 --> 00:45:37,000
No, I've given up. Right.
977
00:45:37,040 --> 00:45:38,960
THEY LAUGH
978
00:45:40,880 --> 00:45:43,240
I've given up.
WHISTLE BLOWS
979
00:45:45,080 --> 00:45:48,000
JACK GROANS
EMMA LAUGHS
980
00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:51,280
Coming out the gate, you had the
aggression of a 1970s policeman.
981
00:45:51,320 --> 00:45:54,680
Yeah! I just couldn't have -
I'm going to...
982
00:45:54,720 --> 00:45:56,280
At the time,
I couldn't have imagined
983
00:45:56,320 --> 00:45:57,400
it was ever going to matter.
984
00:45:57,440 --> 00:46:01,040
Yeah. And then, when you realise
it matters so much...
985
00:46:01,080 --> 00:46:02,640
So very much.
986
00:46:02,680 --> 00:46:05,800
So, the actual answer was 17,538.
987
00:46:05,840 --> 00:46:08,680
AUDIENCE EXCLAIMS
Emma was 293 days out.
988
00:46:08,720 --> 00:46:11,920
She wins because Jack gave up.
There we go. OK.
989
00:46:11,960 --> 00:46:14,400
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
990
00:46:14,440 --> 00:46:17,520
Thanks for giving up.
Emma Sidi wins!
991
00:46:17,560 --> 00:46:22,160
Please leg it up and lift aloft
your liquid hungry loot!
992
00:46:22,200 --> 00:46:25,120
CHEERING
What have we learnt today?
993
00:46:25,160 --> 00:46:28,800
Sometimes on Taskmaster,
we learn profound things about life,
994
00:46:28,840 --> 00:46:31,160
and sometimes those profound things
995
00:46:31,200 --> 00:46:33,640
are short, succinct, sweet.
996
00:46:33,680 --> 00:46:35,800
For example, today we just learnt...
997
00:46:35,840 --> 00:46:37,200
..my mum's a slag.
998
00:46:37,240 --> 00:46:39,960
LAUGHTER
999
00:46:40,000 --> 00:46:41,760
We're halfway to the final.
1000
00:46:41,800 --> 00:46:44,520
And the winner of the night,
to mark the occasion,
1001
00:46:44,560 --> 00:46:47,640
is the incredible Emma Sidi!
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
1002
00:47:11,320 --> 00:47:14,640
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