All language subtitles for Taskmaster - s18e04 - Im a Girl Who Likes a Clean Line

This programme contains
strong language and adult humour

Oh. Whoo!

You're useless at this.

Parp. Boop. Argh!

Hello! Welcome to Taskmaster,
the answer to the question

where can I see an overweight
but dashing man

get a feckless weasel
with a wonky tooth

to torture his peer group
for pointless tasks?

Channel Four, that's where, silly!
Let's meet them now.

They are Andy Zaltzman,

Babatunde Aleshe,

Emma Sidi,

Jack Dee,

and Rosie Jones.

And next to me,
a man who says that he loves

to holiday in Wales because
it's so beautiful,

but longs for the day when its
people are driven into the sea.

It's little Alex Horne.

Hello, Greg. Hello, there.

Hello. I've got you a present.
Thank you.

Do you like cars? Do I?

Yeah, do you? Yes. Good.

Ooh, do you like Greg Davies?
Hoo-hoo!

Can barely stop looking in
the mirror.

Well, I think you'll like genuine
personalised number plates.

Yeah? Back and front,
back and front.

It's a personalised number plate
for Greg Davies.

Does it say Gary Davies?

Yeah, I got muddled.

Let's crack on.
What's the prize task today?

This time they've brought in the
thing most likely to make you say...

Oh, Christ! Now that is bad ass.

Yes, sure, we've all
probably said bad ass,

and, sure, we've all probably
had bad ass,

but Greg wants to see
something

that makes him say it like
he means it,

and that will result in five
really, really big points.

You, Emma Sidi. Yeah.

How are you gonna make me
say now that is bad ass?

This is something that I own.

It's very precious to me,
and I think it speaks for itself.

React to this, Greg. OK.

I know what I've got
to say if it does... Hmm.

..elicit the response. Here we go.

Nothing.

Now that is bad ass.

I hate it. Cool.

I find it religiously insensitive.
Yes.

I don't. I think God and Jesus
would love that.

God and Jesus. God and Jesus!

Well, and the spirit as well.
The three...

I don't think any of
the big three would like that.

Whatever. Whatever.
I think it's horrible.

Yeah. You should be
ashamed of yourself.

Baba. Yo.

Are you gonna make me say
wow, this is bad ass?

I 100% will. How's your
footwear nowadays, bro?

You got your sock game
on lock, I won't lie.

Yeah. I got something that...
Better than these shoes?

100% way better than your shoes.

Show them what I got him.

He's gonna get you these
shoes, Greg.

All right. Nike Air Force One.

Let me tell you something, yeah,
so now when you come to like

the ends, right, you wear white
Air Forces.

When I come to the... The ends.
The ends? The ends, bro.

Watch Top Boy, bruv. OK.

There's a lot of work for me to do
before I can say these are bad ass.

Everyone's gonna say it for you.

All you need to do is just rock up
with a pair of white Air Forces,

but this is the thing, you can't
just rock up with

a pair of Air Forces, right.

You've gotta laugh,
but the laugh has to be smooth.

You've gotta be like... Ha-ha-ha-ha!

What situations am I gonna do
this in, Baba?

Well, I'm just trying
to inject some youth into you.

You're the one that's turned, like,
what did you say,

like 75 or something?
Feels like that. Feels like it.

But I don't know whether
I'm gonna feel more youthful

if I go into any situation and
go ah-ha-ha-ha

with a pair of white trainers.

I'm not gonna lie, that laugh was
good though. Yeah?

You know, you know,
like it felt good.

Hello, Rosie. Hiya.
What have you brought in?

So I've brought in something,

and then I've also brought in
a promise.

Hmm. Ooh.
AUDIENCE: Oooh!

Let's dance.

Well, there's nothing more bad ass

than a tattoo.

I've got two. One, two.

And I've got a third one ... here.

Announcing you've murdered someone.
Wow. That's quite bad ass.

So the promise is

if you don't
award me quite highly...

Yeah. ..I'll do it again.

Good. Thank you, Rosie.

Jack. Yeah.
Are you bad ass?

I'm popular in the world
of hip-hop and rap.

And so I borrowed something from
a rapper friend of mine,

and he sent me one of his outfits,
and he's pretty famous as well

so I, you know...
You'd rather not. No, he's,

I'll give you the name,
he's called TK Maxx.

I know that guy. Yeah.

And he just said, "Whatever
you need I'm sending it to you."

Greg, is this bad ass?

Er...no.

That would be the outfit
I would wear

if I was unloading
an angel from the back of a van.

Anyway, it's your choice.

I've made my choice.

It is not bad ass. Yeah.

Only Andy Zaltzman can save us.

Those are dangerous words, Greg.

Well, I thought, you know, what
would make you say bad ass,

so I made you a work of art.

Let's reveal Andy's
work of art. Here we go.

Now that is a bad ass.

Also, I mean let's look at
the quality of the painting.

Let's. That's bad, isn't it?
Oh, it's just bad.

That's... It's a bad ass.
Yeah.

And it's bad ass. Yes.

See, Emma, how this works?

Go back and see that cherub
cos after all this

you're gonna be like
"Well, my god."

Stick the cherub back up for us.
OK, here is the bad ass cherub.

Yeah.

Shit.

Which one would make you
say bad ass least?

It's between Jack's awful
moving outfit

and Emma's bad ass angel.

Shall I be really nice
and give them both two?

Pair of trainers as well in
that mix?

Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Let him make his decision.

Oh, no, he's right though.
No, he's not right.

He is right.
What're you doing?

Well picked up on. I'll give
two points to all of those people

and then we'll jump up. I think
we've got to reward Zaltzman.

He created the correct ass
for the situation.

I'm gonna give him five points,
and I'll give this murderer four.

Five, four, two, two, two.
Well done.

Right, let's get going.

OK, let's take things to
the next level.

Hi, Alex. Andy.

Gold this time. It's nice,
nice little touch.

Ooh.

Can I open this?
It's a task probably.

Here we go. That's what we want.

Not that gold shit.

Push the...push the envelope
the furthest.

You have half an hour.

Your time starts now.

I could say some outrageous things.

See if that pushes the envelope.
Get myself cancelled.

Is it a phrase?

Is it rude?

Like pushing the envelope?

What do you use this pillow for,
what's this supposed to do?

Present my nuts on it to my wife.

Have you ever pushed
the envelope before?

Yeah. What did you do?

I dressed as Spongebob Squarepants
to a fancy dress party.

And everyone was like,
"We don't do that in Guildford."

And I was like, "I do."

Do that when I come into
the room,

like, "Hey! Happy Valentines!"

Right, I'm gonna take the envelope.

Excuse me.

Right, that's better. OK.
See you in half an hour or so.

Surprisingly heavily sexual from
three out of five of you.

You were asked to push the envelope,
and within seconds

Jones had compared it to a vagina,
I presume.

Of course.

I haven't heard of the phrase
push the envelope, ever.

It... It could be rude.

What you're saying is if you don't
understand any phrase

in the English language,
you assume it's sexual.

Yeah. Right, fine.

So if like some people have
walked past you and said,

"Oh, a rolling stone gathers
no moss,"

and you've gone, "Tell me about it."
Ooh!

Shall we crack on?
I think we should.

We're gonna begin by watching Emma
and Rosie push their envelopes.

Oh, god.

I'm gonna push the envelope

within myself.

You're gonna push the envelope
within yourself.

What does that mean?
I'm gonna eat the envelope.

I am gonna push the
envelope the furthest.

Here I go.

Maybe I can get
my own cooking show.

Nigella meets Rymans.

Lovely.

Little bit of garlic.

Oof, missed it briefly.

Right, there you go.

To Greg, Taskmaster. Love hearts.

And there's actually
a letter inside, but it's private.

There you go, mate. Pushed it.

Chin chin, bottoms up.

Chewy.

That must have driven you over
the edge, didn't it? The smoothie?

Well, I just hope you give her
enough shit for being

a smoothie girl as well.

She's revealed her true colours
there. She loves a smoothie.

Glugged it down, didn't you?

I was all willing
to just eat the paper.

Yeah, they made you turn it
into a smoothie. Yeah.

For your own safety. Yes.
Yeah.

And we should, we still need to say
you shouldn't eat an envelope,

you also shouldn't drink
an envelope. Yeah.

You did chug it down,
is that pushing the envelope?

I was pushing the envelope

by pushing the envelope

down my gullet.

And, ultimately, out of your bot-bot.

Yeah, yeah.

You know what?

It was still a bit gold.

Emma, I will say I thought
you did great cartwheels.

Thank you. And you could still
be in the game

cos I haven't read your letter yet.

Oh, my god. Letter.

I don't know what I said.

No-one knows what you said
because you said it was private.

Oh, no.

I think I was having a weird week.

Ah. Well.

It is...

..polite.

It literally says, "I hope
you've had a good week."

Emma!

OK, who's next?

OK, well next up it's
A, B, C, D, Jack Dee.

There's your envelope.

How's your day going, Jack?

Not as dignified as
I thought it would.

It didn't work.
I wasn't happy with that.

All I've written is "Well, that will
save BAFTA some money

"for your In Memorandum film."

Yeah.

And the sooner they
play it, the better.

Absolutely heartbreaking.
It pushed the envelope

and it made me genuinely feel
quite emotional.

Hmm, yeah. In total, on that day,
he pushed the envelope three miles.

I would've carried on
but the crew caught up with me

and said I had to stop.

Well, the time had run out quite
a long time,

about the two mile mark
the time had run out. Yeah.

Kept on going. Oh, nice.

Right, break time.

Let's end on a high
with some of Alex's impressions.

It's Alex's impression hour! Ready?
No. Donald Trump.

Hey, how...Howdy, guys.

I can't do impressions.
Gregg Wallace.

You wanna eat your dinner?

Camilla Parker Bowles.

Good evening, everyone.

See you at the BAFTAs!
I can't do impressions.

Hello again!

Welcome back to Taskmaster,

where the competitors are pushing
the envelope.

Oh, yes. They could do
pretty much anything

to impress Greg with this one,

to extend the limits
of what's possible.

Or you could just pace about a bit
with a letter in a wheelbarrow.

Last up, it's Baba and Andy.

All right, how do I push this thing?

I could make a bowl out of it, look.

It's a bowl.
Someone get me milk and cereal.

Are you talking to me?

Yes.

Right, you little paper monstrosity.

Where is it, you pathetic little
failed origami pigeon?

I wouldn't lick you if you were
the last envelope on earth.

Where is it? Tell me where it is.

How do you make cereal?
Do you put the milk...?

You look like you put the milk in
first. Always milk first.

How very dare you. Who does that?

Wanna talk now, my slightly
crumpled friend?

Answer the question!
Answer the question!

I ain't gonna eat this. I think
you should eat a little bit.

No, my guy.
I don't drink cow's milk.

If I drink this, you will hear me

in the toilet going, "Moo,"
you know what I'm saying?

I'll really be mooing up that
toilet.

Maybe this'll make you talk.

Oh, yeah? Do you wanna be next?

Tell me what you know,
or God help me,

I will shred you, I will shred you.

Last chance. I know you
wanna tell me. Talk.

I knew it!

I did it.
I stole the life cast of Alex Horne.

I shrank it and I hid it in
a wooden box under a cow.

I knew you'd break eventually.

Here comes the aeroplane.
Yeah!

Come on. Nice, innit?

Right.

There it is.
Looks like he's been working out.

Mystery solved.

I pushed that envelope
good and proper.

Andy, very creative.
Genuinely disturbing.

Thanks. I just think this show
is just revealing you to be

just not the person everyone
thought you'd be.

It's revealing me to be

not the person
I thought I was, to be honest.

From episode to episode you're
getting more and more terrifying.

It's very good, Andy,

and quite the contrast jumping
from that

to Baba feeding cereal

into your stupid face from
an envelope.

Can I just say something?

I pushed the envelope to its limits.
I made it into a bowl.

I mean it doesn't matter how
emphatically you've taken it.

Do you scream "Nice, innit" into
the face of your young children

when you're feeding them?

I do as well!

OK, but who pushed it the least far,
who pushed it the furthest?

I feel like I'm... Do you feel like
a bit picked on today, Emma?

I can't think how I'm gonna
not put you last

when you did three cartwheels

and then wrote me a letter
asking how I was.

So it's one to Emma.
Baba, two points.

Two to you, Baba.

Hmm. OK, I'm gonna give
Rosie three points.

He went for a walk.

He walked three miles
and his heart's not up to it.

Three to Rosie.
I'm gonna be led by emotion.

And the one that moved me the most
emotionally was Jack

who was pushing an envelope
three miles.

So four points to Andy,
five points to Jack.

Hey. Hmm.
Let's have a scoreboard.

All right, well, the team of two,
Jack and Rosie,

are in joint second
with seven points.

But in the lead,
it's Andy Zaltzman with nine points.

What's next please, Horne?

Well, we're off to a scare maze.

Hiya!

Hi, Rosie.

Man like?

Hello, Baba. Hey.
You look nice.

Yes, bro. Come on, man,
look at the outfit, bruv.

I make this look good,
I'm not gonna lie to you, bro.

Yo, I'm the hottest hotdog
you've ever seen in your life.

I agree...oh, you're still
talking, yeah. Come on.

So whatever you do on
this task will be worth twice

the number of points for you.
See you in a minute.

Bye-bye. Bye.

There's a carrot on your back.

Take a bite out of Alex's carrot.

Alex's carrot? Is that a euphemism,
or is that an actual carrot?

Alex will ring his bell
every ten seconds.

You must laugh constantly
throughout.

No problem there!

You must both only walk at
a gentle pace.

No problem there!

Fastest wins.

Fastest wins. Your time starts now.

Ah-ha-ha-ha.

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

It hurts me to say, Baba,

but you actually did look
quite good in a hotdog.

Come on, bro.
This is what I'm saying, bro.

Yeah, should've brought it
instead of the trainers.

Let's crack on with it, shall we?

Yeah. We're gonna start with
a happy Jack and a rambling Rosie.

Ah-ha, got it.

Oh, you're not Alex, are you?

Oh, fuck.

You're not Alex!

That's wrong. It's not even Alex.

Is that Alex?

Yes, is that you, Jack? Hmm, yeah.

Where are we?

Well, I know the way out.
I will see you outside. Goodbye.

No!

Oh, bloody hell, Alex.

Well, an absolute vision
of hell in many ways

watching both of you go through
that dystopian nightmare

made so much worse by
me realising for the first time

that Rosie Jones has got
Daddy written across her back.

Course I do.

I felt she was relentless.

Well, she was.
Got me in three minutes 49.

Oh, wow. Jack has the best
laugh to carrot noise

that I think we'll see tonight.

He went ha-ha-ha-nom-nom.

Three minutes 26 for Jack.
It was a pretty... Oh.

..pretty close race. Just over
three minutes. Mm-hmm. Lovely.

Now it's time to get giddy
with Emma Sidi. Uh-oh.

Ha-ha-ha.

Ha-ha-ha...

Ha-ha-ha-ha...

Hm-hm-hm...

Alex! It's a doppelganger!

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

You bastard!

Ha-ha-ha-ha. Ha-ha, ha-ha.

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Hee-hee-hee-hee.

Ha-ha-ha-
Oh, there are two bells!

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Alex!
Ha-ha-ha...

They're swapping bells.

Swapping bells, you bastards.
Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Hello, Emma.

It's really infuriating that.

That other bloke.

What other bloke? No. Ugh.
I'm not doing that.

No? Wind-up. Bye-bye.

I wish more people would
shut him down like that.

"No, I'm not doing that."
It worked a treat.

I'd clearly had enough,
which really worries me.

How long was that?

It felt like a long time,
and I felt like you went from

someone doing quite
a fun comedy laugh

to someone who could kill.

Yeah.

And the tipping point for me
was this...

"Ah-ha-ha-ha. Hee-hee."

All three of you walked 300 metres.

They took three minutes,
you took eight minutes.

Could've been longer. I could've
kept that going for hours, I think.

There was no way you were
gonna catch me.

Because she was going too slowly.
Yeah.

We all had fun.

Hee-hee-hee!

OK, time for another break.

Hopefully there will be
an overseas advert

that has been badly dubbed in English
so that the company can save money,

followed quickly, I hope, by
a nuclear apocalypse.

It's what we deserve.

It's genuinely my birthday.

Hello, welcome back to Taskmaster,

where the bellend's got a bell
and he won't stop ringing it.

Yeah, I suppose that's true.

Just two people to go, and
one of them's dressed as a hotdog.

It's Andy Zaltzman,
and playing for double points,

it's Babatunde Aleshe.

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Ha-ha-ha-ha.

Ha-ha-ha-ha...

Ah, I've got you!

Yes! I've got your carrot, bruv.
Don't try it, bro.

Yes, I'm the man!

I won, right?

Ha-ha-ha-ha...

Can I have a...? Yeah.

Oh, that's the good stuff.

I won. Say it.

Say it. I don't wanna say it.

But you know I won.

Did you expect that, Baba,
when you entered this show

that you would end up chasing a man
so that you could bite his carrot

whilst dressed as a hotdog?
No, I didn't, no.

And did you expect to be shouting
"I'm the man" afterwards?

Well, to be fair,
I don't mind me saying it.

He still needs to say it.
I think you're the man,

but he wants me
to say that he's the man.

I don't mind you saying he's the man
if you do it with conviction.

You the man.

Very good. By stark contrast I've
written it down somewhere

how did Andy celebrate?

Well, he had a second bite
of a carrot.

And do you remember what you said
after you had the second bite?

Well, it varies from carrot
to carrot with me.

You said "Oh, yeah,
that's the good stuff."

Well, we know Emma was eight
minutes,

and gets one point for that. Aw.

Rosie, 3.49, Jack, 3.26,

Andy was two minutes 55,
comes second place though

because Baba did it in 35 seconds,
so well done. Come on.

Ten points. Straight in.

So, Andy, you get four points,
but, Baba, you get ten points.

One more task proper,
please, small boy.

I'm the man. Sure thing,
ding-a-ling.

Get ready to check out
my versatile new jacket.

Can I help?

No. I'm on a turntable, Jack.

Mm-hmm.
Spinning around.

You're not really though,
are you? You're turning round.

Oh, look. Mm-hmm.

Feels a bit personal. Whoo.

Pick the Taskmaster's locket
from its pocket.

Every time you pick an incorrect
pocket, you must high five Alex.

If you touch, tamper with, or peek
into a pocket, you must pick it.

Fewest pockets picked wins.

You have a maximum of 15 minutes.
Your time starts now.

May I touch you?

Why are you spinning?

It's just the setting.

Oh. It's a wind-up.

Have we got a moment just
to replay what I think might be

the creepiest moment in
Taskmaster history.

Yeah, I think I know
what you mean. Here it is.

May I touch you?

18 series and I've never felt
a shudder like it.

What's wrong with that?

- It's about consent.
- Yeah!

It is about consent.

Thank you.

First to locate the locket,
it's Jack and Baba.

OK, so I'm thinking
there's gonna be a,

some sort of locket in one of
those pockets. Hmm. Yeah, yeah.

Is that the locket?

No, it's lipstick. Shall I put it
there? Yeah.

I'll put it here.
What's this? Chinese five spice.

Chinese five spice.

But there's nothing in there,
is there, other than that.

It's a bloody raisin.
Oh, OK. Oh.

Pow! Found a locket yet?

No, that's a dog biscuit. OK.

What's in here? No.
It's the bloody rocket. Pow.

You take a lot of stuff around
with you, don't you?

Yeah. 108 pockets.
I can see that.

Another rocket.
Big up yourself.

No, that's...
that's something else.

So that's just a bag of...
That's my bag of yellow, yeah.

Bag of yellow. Mm-hmm.
Fair enough.

Big up yourself.

Don't trust sound people
or make-up artists. Hmm.

That's a bit bad, innit?

I trust sound people and
make-up artists. Why wouldn't you?

Well, you shouldn't.
Yeah, good advice, thank you.

Mm-hmm. But not what we're after.
Right.

Keys. Hmm.
What do I open this with?

Ah. This might be it.

No, it's a compass.
It's a compass with my name on it.

Babatunde. Ah,
it says my name on it. Come on.

There's a picture of me. Yeah. Nice.

I've just got... Yeah, OK. ..couple
of things with your names on it.

That's very thoughtful.

Oh, my days with this stupid-arse
rocket, man. Getting on my nerves.

Stone with Y written on it. Ah.

These are starting to annoy me.
The rockets? Too many of 'em.

Why have you got milk?
Thirsty. Yuck.

There's an eye.
Mm-hmm. So...

Hey! Pick the locket
from the pocket...?

That's a padlock.

Oh, for goodness sake.
The man ain't won! What the hell?

Five and a half minutes left
to find this locket. Left.

Another pebble.
So it spells YOU. Right.

I don't think that's got any
relevance,

to be honest. Right, OK. Yeah.

I've found the other eye though.
Ah!

There we go.

The locket is in your pocket.

The locket is in your pocket.
No, it ain't.

I ain't got no locket in my pocket.

Ha-ha!

HE GROWLS

Ah. There you are.
You got the locket.

How'd you do that? Are you
like David Copperfield now, are you?

And there's a piece of hair
in there as well.

It's got my own hair.
That's, that's OK.

Well, I shall treasure that.

I mean neither of you
thought there might be

a faster way of doing this.
Just went route one.

Well, how were we
supposed to know

that there was a locket
in our pocket?

I realised afterwards cos you'd,

someone took my jacket
to do something and I should've...

You know, trustingly I said,
"Yeah, of course, thank you."

I thanked them. I thanked them.

Do you wanna know how many
pockets they picked? Yes, please.

Babatunde, 41 incorrect pockets.

Jack, 70.

Would you like to see
Rosie Jones' locket adventure?

Let's go. Rosie Jones.

I don't think it's in this

cos that would be obvious.

Ooh, can I pick that one?

Don't trust sound people
or make-up artists.

Well, you don't need to
tell me that.

They're all pieces of shit.

Is it in your pocket?

You said no.

But I don't trust you.

You've got his wallet?
Yeah. Right.

Ooh, is it on me?

Oh, my god!

You sneaky bugger.

Well done, Rosie.
Don't trust anyone.

I just wanna make it clear that
when Rosie was told

not to trust sound and lighting
people, she said, and I quote,

"You don't need to tell me that,
they're all pieces of shit."

I mean it.

And you then went on

to blatantly steal money
from a soundman's wallet.

Yeah. Neil was lying to me.

The least I could do was rob him.

He wasn't lying to you.
Of course.

And fast, surely?

Well, it's all about the number
of pockets picked. Yes.

Five of Neil's, five of her own,
three of mine, so 13 in total.

13. 13 pockets.
It's good. Very good.

We're stopping again.

One part left to go,
and at the end of it

someone will stroll proudly out
of the studio

carrying a sculpture of
a cherub wearing sunglasses,

and a painting of
a banged-up donkey.

This isn't a cheese dream,
we're all being paid for this.

We'll see you in part four.

Welcome back. It's part four,

and Alex has
a stupid jacket on.

It's not stupid, actually.
You're stupid...

..ly attractive.

Yes, they have to find the locket

by picking the fewest
pockets possible.

Two left, it's Andy and Emma.

OK, I'm just gonna take a second.

The Taskmaster's locket.

Doesn't necessarily mean it's one
of your pockets though, does it?

Are there clues in your pockets?

All I do is spin round. OK.

So there's bits of paper in
some of these pockets

by the looks of it.
Are you peeking?

I'm overviewing. Peeking is,

that's a specific pocket,
I'd say. All right.

Well, some action.

Obviously there's a great big statue
of the Taskmaster outside. Mm.

Can that count as a locket?

It's not a locket and it wasn't
in a pocket, Andy.

OK, I think I'm gonna have
to pick a pocket.

Excuse me.

So that appears to be
Richard Herring on a red fish.

Half your time gone.

Chinese five spice.

That's the spice for me.

Right, I need an alternative
pocket again.

How many minutes have I got left?
Four-and-a-half.

Four-and-a-half, OK.
I'll use it wisely.

You've got three minutes, Andy.

Right, I've found a pineapple
and some string.

Was it in a pocket? Well, not yet,
but I could put it in a pocket.

OK, let's take that one out then.

What's this? My milk.

Milk? My milk.

Your milk? My milk.
Do you want it now?

But you are running out of time.
I see, I see that.

I'll tell you what, I'll put
the milk there.

Well, it feels like you're
tampering.

TOY SQUEAKS

Well, I think lockets are passe.
Yeah?

Don't like lockets.
Never liked 'em, actually.

Are you off, Andy?
Yeah, I'm done.

Right, I don't wanna be weird...

..I found this in my pocket earlier.

So I've done it, have I?

Yeah, you didn't pick any
incorrect pockets. Yeah.

Brilliant. Hmm.

Now that was bad ass. Yeah.

So I'm a girl that likes
a clean line.

Yeah. So whenever I'm going
out, you know,

you wanna, you don't want shit
in your pockets, right?

You don't want stuff in your pocket.
Do not want shit in your pocket.

So I was just about to do it, and
going, like, "Hang on, wait, what?"

OK.

Let's do this.

That's my story.

It's a different story
to Andy's story.

Andy's I wrote down just
to make sure I got it right.

He picked about four or
five pockets,

he tried to redefine what
a locket is.

Yeah, I went to try and find
the nearest available snooker club,

thinking that maybe one
of their snooker table pockets

would have...

..a packet of Lockets in it. Anyway.

I mean, I remember,
as we recorded that

thinking how annoying it was,
and having seen back

I'd forgotten that I'd almost solved
it in the first second. Yeah.

Yeah. That is a fuckload
more annoying now, so.

It's also quite annoying that

we think the locket's probably still
in your pocket. Oh, right, OK.

So it's zero points
to Andy on that one.

Jack, two points for you,
three to Baba,

four to Rosie, but five
to Emma Sidi. Congratulations.

Let's see a scoreboard.
Yes, please.

Well, I think the hotdog helped.
Baba's on the top with 17 points.

Right, everyone, will you please
make your way

to the stage for the final
task of the show.

Who will be reading the
task out, young fellow m'lad?

Baba. OK.

Gather a herd of animals
with exactly 22 legs.

You may not harm any animals.

You may only use animals on
either side of this wall

and you may not use each other.

On Alex's whistle, you must hurl one
of your herd over the wall.

When your herd has 22 legs,
only then may you don your tutus.

First team in tutus wins.

Each of them have six animals
on their bench,

and that's where the herd lives.

You've got a flamingo
with one leg, a kangaroo with two,

a sick dog with three legs,

Patatas the cat with four legs,

a monster there with five legs,
and an ant with six legs.

You've gotta throw something every
15 seconds,

that's when I'll blow the whistle.

If you don't do the maths correctly
within the 15 seconds

and another animal comes over,

and you've missed
the tutu opportunity, it carries on.

Got it. Good luck.
I'm gonna start the clock...now.

Choose your animals...

We're going for three.

OK, well maybe don't say it out...

Pick up an animal,
get ready to throw.

You're gonna be throwing on
the whistle.

Three, two, one...

Lovely, put that on the bench.

That's 22.

Task complete. Done.

Wow. They did it.

Well, not many people'd be brave
enough to say it, I will.

The show's been great,
that was rubbish.

Come down here, we'll add that to
the final scores.

What a glorious anti-climax.

It may be one of my favourite
tasks ever.

It's really made
the scoreboard interesting.

Cos the team of three gets
five points each for that.

The team of two, zero.

And the winner is...
Baba with 22 points.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Babatunde Aleshe wins.

Please bowl up to brandish
your bad ass belongings.

So what have we learnt from
today's show?

We've learnt that Taskmaster,
it's a silly old show really,

but at times it has the capacity
to move.

The haunting image of Jack Dee
strolling heroically into the sunset,

his destination unknown,
pushing that envelope,

will forever be etched on all
of our minds.

And let's also not forget
Baba's nuts on a pillow.

And here he is again tonight,
cos he's the winner,

it's Babatunde Aleshe!

Subtitles by Red Bee Media