All language subtitles for Sydney.White.2007.720p.PTV.WEB-DL.AAC.2.0.H.264-PiRaTeS

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)

For Syd.

♪ Good morning

♪ A new day's dawning

♪ And I'm through yawning now
I get excited everyday

MAN: For Syd.

Yo, sign Syd's card.

♪ Just what it is I've found

It's for Syd.

♪ 'Cause it's all right for now

♪ Good morning
A new day's dawning

♪ And I'm through yawning now...
♪

Hey, Syd!

Got a little something for you.

What's this?

Just a little something.

Aw.

- You guys!
- From all of us.

Is it a Stanley 22 Ounce
Anti-vibe Framing Hammer?

No, it's better than that.

It's actually something
you can use in college.

Come on.

- (GASPS)
- (PAUL CHUCKLES)

I love it.
Thanks, you guys.

Just don't spend all
your time on it, okay?

I know that you have
a scholarship to keep up with,

but you got to promise us all
that you're gonna raise a little hell

- every now and then.
- ALL: (CHEERING) Yeah!

Don't worry, Dad,
I'll smile for my mug shot.

Hmm.

I'm gonna miss everybody.

Stu, careful with the nail gun.

Big Ron! Hmm!

Hold me, please.
(SOBS)

All right.

Good hug.

PAUL: Back to work.

Okay, you're crushing me.
Ow! My collarbone!

SYDNEY: You know how people joke
about being raised by wolves?

Well, I was raised
by construction workers.

- What have you got?
- Peanut butter. It's so good.

WORKER: (WHISTLES) Mamacita!

(WHISTLES)

(WHISTLES)

(CHUCKLING) Yeah!

SYDNEY: I was only nine
when my mom died.

Which means my formative years
were left up to my dad.

Being a plumber did give him
a certain unique perspective.

Now, these up here,
are your fallipian...

That's not right, these are... Fallopian.
These are your...

Let's just call them your lady tubes.
All right?

Every month, you...

lay an egg.

Like a chicken.

SYDNEY: My dad always did his
best.

Understand?

SYDNEY: But sometimes,
a girl just needs her mom.

(SIGHS)

PAUL: Sydney!
Time to get a move on, sweetheart!

Wow.

You know, if your mom was here,
she'd know exactly what to say.

She'd be so excited you're going to her school,
gonna join her sorority.

I'm not in yet, Dad.

Girl, you're gonna fit
into that place like a...

overflow tube in a pressure
tank.

Come on, Dad.
We said no mushy stuff.

Right. No mushy stuff.

(BUS ENGINE STARTING)

Come here.

I love you, Dad.

MOM: Dear Sydney,
I love you so much.

I'm so sorry I'm not there
to see you off to college.

But since I can't be, I've put
some of my favorite memories in this box.

Live every moment, Sydney.

Grab every opportunity.

And have fun in everything you
do.

The friends you meet in college
will be your friends for life.

Perhaps you'll fill this box
with your own memories,

to pass on to your daughter
someday.

And know that though
I can't be there with you now,

I'm always right by your side,
every step of the way.

(ENGINE REVVING UP)

(MUSIC PLAYS)

♪ I get you so hot

♪ I get to know when to rock
you, boy

♪ Gonna get, gonna get
Gonna get you hot, boy

♪ Gonna get you hot, boy

♪ I should come with a warning,
baby

♪ I should come with a warning

♪ Boy, I'm dangerous

♪ So hazardous, so dangerous
Yeah, baby

♪ I should come with a warning,
baby

♪ I should come with a warning ♪

Still the fairest of them all.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(MUSIC PLAYS)

♪ Too long till fall
Sick summer in bed

♪ You and a lazy mood

♪ Ten times the fall
Spread, sacked, and I've failed

♪ Stop, it's too late

♪ I'm feeling frustrated

♪ I see no sign of fortress
I see no sign of fortress ♪

DINKY: Well, hello there.

Oh, Hi. I didn't even know
anyone was in here.

Oh, that's okay.
People sometimes don't see me.

- I'm Dinky.
- Oh, no, you're not.

No, silly, that's my name.

Oh, Dinky?
That's your real name?

Of course not.
My real name's Demetria Rosemead.

Dinky it is.
Hi, I'm Sydney White.

Sydney White?
The other Kappa legacy?

Daughter of Paul White and Deborah Lee,
Kappa pledge class 1980?

- Yeah.
- (GASPS)

I'm sorry, I feel bad I didn't order
your background check.

I'm the other Kappa legacy!

Oh, my gosh!
This is just so exciting!

I should've known they would've
roomed us together for rush.

Don't get too comfortable.
We're gonna move to the Kappa house!

We're gonna be sisters!
(SQUEALS)

Yay. We're jumping now.

I've just been waiting to become a Kappa
since I can remember.

All the women in my family
were Kappas, too.

See, look. My momma gave me her
when I was five.

She even has a little pledge
pin.

She sure does.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Does she come with
a mini Kappa dream house?

Oh... Oh, I wish.

Now, what were you thinking
about wearing to the first rush party?

Let me... Let me just show you
what I was thinking.

Okay.

Now, those...
Those are my top five.

Wow.
I don't even have a top one.

You know, I might have a
skirt...

- Oh, no.
- ...in here somewhere.

Did you have a luggage mishap?

- No.
- Well, what about in that bag?

Oh. Oh, this bag.

Oh, wait until you see this!

My comic-book collection.

Oh, my...

SIDNEY: Pretty cool, huh?

Yeah. Uh, you know what,

Why don't you just wear
something of mine to the first rush party?

Oh, okay. Yeah.
That might be best.

You know, this is gonna be fun.

Never really had a lot
of girlfriends before.

Not just girlfriends.

Sisters.

(BOTH SQUEALING)

(FANFARE PLAYING)

(CLAMORING)

(FANFARE STOPS)

I'd like to welcome Tyler
Prince,

president of Beta
Omega Rho fraternity.

Hey, everyone.

I've asked Tyler to come today
to talk about a very special project.

- So, the plan is...
- We have a golden opportunity

right on Greek Row.

GIRL: The Vortex,
where all those freaks live?

That's the golden opportunity?

No.

This is.

(ALL GASP)

The Witchburn-Prince Greek Life Centre
will soon break ground.

Tyler's parents and my parents
have already donated the funds.

We just need to deal
with the current tenants.

I've been assured by the
administration

that this is a priority
for the university for this year.

(APPLAUSE)

Okay, so text me.

This is silly. When are you gonna stop
all this and come back to me?

You dumped me, remember?

It was middle school,
what did I know?

I thought I was gonna
marry a Backstreet Boy.

You still could.

I got to go pick up the keg.

Yeah, well, I got to go too.

- I wish we had the same size feet.
- Oh, it's okay.

I mean, isn't the whole point
of this whole sisterhood thing

that they like you
for who you are?

Um... sure.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)

♪ Shake your hips right, baby
Come on

♪ Shake them all night long

♪ Shake your hips... ♪

BOY: Nice.

Hello.

Welcome to SAU.

(CHUCKLES) Hello.

Nice.

Three's company.

Whoa!

Oh, hang on.

Vortex Freak Show,
starring Puppet Boy.

Oh, this is an official
dork alert, man.

We got...
We got Dork Skywalker.

(CHUCKLES)

Target acquired.

Incoming Moose missile!

Hey, you okay?

(STAMMERING) I... I...

(WHIMPERS)

You better keep this.
You clearly need the practice!

(GROANS)

- (THUD)
- BOY: Dude!

- Come on, Dinks.
- Oh!

You do realize you just showed up
the school's tight end.

Mm. I hope he's second string.

Tyler Prince. Beta president.

Sydney White. No title.

Sorry. This is Dinky.

But we're actually we're gonna be late
to our first rush party,

so if you'll excuse us.

Oh, maybe he could
help us find our way.

We're going to Kappa.
Mm-hmm.

All right, ladies.
Let me be your Greek guide.

Each house has a reputation.

- There's the Gamma Phi's.
- (GIRLS SQUEALING)

They're perky.

Very perky.
Lots of cheerleaders.

And here's Pi Beta Omega.

Those girls can out-party
any fraternity on campus.

So what was the first house?
The one with the Junior Tiger Guide?

Ah, that would be the Vortex.

- That's a weird name for a fraternity.
- It's not a fraternity.

It started off as overflow
student housing.

Now, it's just kind of there.

Here's our stop.
Kappa Phi Nu.

DINKY:
Well, thank you for the tour, Tyler.

- Yeah, thank you.
- Sydney, you know what,

- I'm just... I'm gonna meet you inside.
- (WHISPERING) Why?

- (MOUTHING WORDS)
- (GIGGLING)

The illegally blondes.
You? Really?

Yeah. Is it the shoes?

(LAUGHS)
No. I love the shoes.

The Kappas are just
a little... intense.

Oh, well, it was
actually my mother's house.

Ah. Legacy.
Is she all over you about rushing?

No. She died nine years ago.

- I'm sorry.
- Oh, it's okay.

Kappas could use a girl like
you.

I should know.
They're our sister sorority.

Oh! So we'll be like
brother and sister!

Not in, you know,
the related, familial way,

but, you know, more in the fraternal,
sororal...

Sororital?
Is that a word? Sorry.

I kind of tend to overtalk
when I'm nervous.

It's a disease, one without a cure.
So stop me any time, please.

You're nervous?

Oh, no. (CHUCKLES)
No, it's not you. Tyler, was it?

No, it's because
of the whole rush, you know?

The very term "rush" is an amper-upper.
It amps up the old nerves.

(CHUCKLES) I have to go.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Okay, ladies.
Listen up.

The doors are about to open.
Our objective is...

ALL: Target cute pledges.

Exactly.
And what do we want to avoid?

ALL: Fat losers.

Now, now.
We all remember the code.

When I ask you to show a girl
to the "koi pond," ditch her.

We also have two
legacies coming today,

Dinky Hodgekiss
and Sydney White.

When you meet them,
find me immediately.

Okay, girls.
Are we ready?

ALL: (CHANTING) Here comes a Kappa
Queen of the Row

She's hot, she's cool
She ain't no ho

She's got style, she's got class,

And from behind a kicking...

Kappa! Kappa! Kappa!
Kappa! Kappa! Kappa! Kappa!

Excuse me, Amy.
Don't you remember?

You've been reassigned.
Kitchen duty.

Go on.

That's what happens when you gain 27 lbs
of breakup weight over the summer.

ALL: Kappa! Kappa!
Kappa! Kappa!

Kappa! Kappa! Kappa!

Hi!

Hi!

ALL: Kappa! Kappa! Kappa...

- Hey!
- GIRL: Everyone wants to be a Kappa.

We've been dating for two years.
I love him so much!

And next week,
he's gonna pin me.

Pin you to what?

- Hi.
- Hi.

- GIRL: Hi there.
- Oh, hi.

(THUD)

I'm Katy, and this is Christy.

I'm Sydney White.

You're one of our legacies.
Rachel's gonna be so excited!

(PARTY MUSIC PLAYING)

Rachel, we'd like you to meet
someone.

Oh, hi.

Girls, why don't you show this one
the koi pond?

Ooh, I love koi ponds.

Great. Off you go.

This is Sydney White.

Three words. Leg-a-cy?

Sydney, so pleased to meet you.

I'm so excited.
My mom had a great experience here.

Katy, have you offered our guest
a drink from the refreshment table?

- I'm actually not that thirsty.
- No, no. Katy.

The refreshment table?

We have a situation.
That girl is not Kappa material.

CHRISTY: Really?
I didn't see anything wrong with her.

Christy, you know
you're not as perceptive as I am.

That girl wouldn't know
her Gucci from her Pucci.

Not to mention,
I saw her throwing herself

all over Tyler before
she came in the house.

It was embarrassing.
Trust me,

we do not want a Kappa
who behaves that way.

(SCOFFS) See what I mean?

CHRISTY: But we have to give her a bid.
She's a legacy.

Her mom gets her the bid,

but she has to survive pledging
all on her own.

(STUDENTS CHATTERING, GIGGLING)

GIRL: Oh, my gosh.
I saw him outside,

and he's definitely
the hottest guy on campus.

Who's the hottest guy on campus?

Tyler Prince, the Beta
president.

Oh, you know, I know that guy.
He was really nice.

He showed me around Greek Row.

Off limits.
He's Rachel's boyfriend.

- Oh!
- Yeah, they're off right now,

but they'll be on again any
minute.

It's all part of Rachel's
20-year plan.

He'll be a top litigator,
she'll be a senator.

It's so romantic.

Yeah, it does sound romantic.

Because there is nothing more romantic
than a 20-year plan.

Am I right, ladies?
(FORCED CHUCKLE)

So, Sydney,
where does your dad work?

Oh, he works mostly
on construction sites.

Oh. My uncle's made a mint
building malls.

So, your dad's a developer, too?

Yeah. Something like that.

RACHEL: Night, girls.
Get your beauty rest.

Now that you're Kappa pledges,
it's a requirement.

♪ Lay you down, dear sweet
pledge

♪ Lay your head on the pillow

♪ May you have lovely dreams

♪ Just as lovely as you are ♪

ALL: Shh.

Has anyone found the koi pond?

(AIR HORNS BLASTING)

ALL: Oh?

(CLAMORING)

It's 12:01!
Welcome to hell, skanks!

Over the next week,
we'll be conducting

what I like to call
"Pledge Enlightenment."

We're not allowed to call it "hazing,"
not after what happened to Suzie.

We're gonna find out
which of you Prada princesses

has what it takes to be a Kappa,
and which of you don't.

This is your first pledge task,
the date dash.

You have until 12:15 to find a date
and meet me at the State Street Diner.

No changing clothes, no makeup,
no brushing your hair or teeth!

You have 15 minutes! Let's go!

KAPPAS: Go!

RACHEL: Go! Go!

Go! Go! Go! Go! Go!

GIRL: Come on!

(ALL CHATTERING)

Dinky! Dinky! What do we do?

Oh, you just grab a guy.

Excuse me, sugar. Can I borrow you
for a date dash? (CHUCKLES)

- Hurry up, girl. Come on.
- Okay.

Come on!

(BOY SNEEZING)

Hello? Hello?

BOY: Oh, sorry.

I'm sorry.

Hi. I'm sorry I startled you.
Can you... Can you help me? (SNEEZES)

Okay.

- Thanks.
- Sure.

- (SNEEZES) Oh, sorry.
- Ugh!

- Sorry, thanks.
- What are you doing in a bush?

I don't know what happened.
I was walking home

and this crazed pack of girls
came running toward me.

So I dove for cover.

Yeah, vision not impaired.
Sense of balance restored.

Feeling in fingers and toes.

- No visible lacerations.
- Wait! You're a guy, right?

Yeah.

What are you doing right now?

I'm waiting for an antihistamine
to take effect.

I need you to be my date.

(CHUCKLES)
Your date?

Yeah. Let's go.

Oh, you might wanna watch out.
When I get this excited,

- I tend to throw up.
- It's okay, just keep moving,

- and tell me when to duck.
- Okay.

- SYDNEY: Let's go!
- Oh, no. I... I...

(DISHES CLATTERING)

That's good?
Wonderful. You just made it.

SYDNEY: How's the BLT?

Mmm.

Mmm...

Oh, my God.
Look at her with that pie.

It's a so-rority,
not a ho-rority.

So, tell me about the Vortex.
What's it like?

Uh...

I guess you'd call it a haven,
for people who don't have anywhere else to go.

Some of us didn't get along
with our roommates,

some of us made
others feel uncomfortable.

Some of us wet the bed.

Some of us wet the hallway.

(LAUGHS)

All of us are outsiders.

Yeah, I know what that's like.

Are you serious? You're a Kappa pledge.
By definition, very much an insider.

Would all the Kappa pledges join me
over here for a moment?

- Guess I'll be right back.
- Yes.

Okay, girls.
It's time for your next pledge task.

The date dash ditch.

This year's unsuitable date
belongs to...

Sydney.

Sorry, you're gonna have to
ditch him.

(SNEEZES)

But my guy's really nice.

And I dragged him
all the way down here.

And he has a sinus infection,
and his athlete's foot is flaring up.

And he has glaucoma, he thinks.

I cannot just ditch him.

I don't make the rules, Sydney.

If being a Kappa is important to you,
then this is the price you pay.

(SNIFFLES)

- Hey, date.
- Hey.

- (BOTH CHUCKLE)
- I ordered you another cup of coffee.

Oh...

I need you to meet me
in the girl's bathroom.

- Another pledge ritual.
- Oh.

Oh...
Oh. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah.

- Okay.
- I'll meet you there.

(DOOR OPENS)

- Sydney?
- (BOTH SCREAMING)

Pervert!

Looks like you get
stuck with the check.

(SIGHS)

CARLTON: We live in a country
that's considered to be

the ultimate model of
government.

By the people.
For the people. And of the people.

But most Americans
would be surprised to find

how afraid the Founding Fathers were

of what a direct democracy
could do to the country.

Can anyone tell me why?

(SNORING)

The young man
snoring there, perhaps?

(LAUGHTER)

(DOG PUPPET CLEARING THROAT)

The Founding Fathers were afraid
that direct democracy

would do to America
what it did to Rome.

(YAWNS) Alexander Hamilton
even advocated a monarchy.

(SNORES)

Exactly.

We are trained to think the more power
the people have, the better.

Can any of you tell me some reasons
why this isn't necessarily true?

Oh, Terrence. Still here
after eight years.

(LAUGHTER)

What do you say we give someone else
a chance to respond this time, huh?

Uhhhh...
Ms. Witchburn?

Most Americans don't educate themselves
about the issues.

There are some valid arguments
for keeping things a little more elite.

You could even argue
a case for certain types of oligarchy.

Interesting.

Let's hear from someone else.
How about you?

- Ms...?
- White.

Ms. White.

Any thoughts?

Um...

I guess I think that's...

underestimating the masses a
bit.

Not to mention overestimating
the elites.

Apartheid was an oligarchy,
and no one wants that again.

Excellent.

Alicia, what year was
Kappa Phi Nu founded?

- In 1902.
- Very good.

Mmm.

- Want some breakfast?
- Yeah.

Help yourself.

Breakfast is good.

RACHEL: Ugh!

It's called moisturizer.
Try some.

Next.

Ugh! Your pores are enormous.

They have this new thing called
whitening toothpaste. Next.

Dinky. Kappa founder
Kitty Cooper's hometown?

(MOUTHING WORDS)

Little Rock. (CHUCKLES)

Lose the big hair.
This isn't Dallas.

Bye.

Eyebrows, meet tweezers.
Tweezers, meet your worst nightmare.

(ALL CHATTERING)

- I know.
- RACHEL: Next.

Next. Next. Ugh!

Okay, future sisters.

Get your lazy asses up.
You're gonna clean the bathrooms...

(ALL GROANING)

...at the Beta fraternity house.

(GROANING LOUDER)

- Sydney, the Kappa Phi Nu colors?
- Green and white.

Wrong. Emerald and pearl.

Sorry. I'm still learning
how to speak priss.

(ALL GASP)

(SOMBER CHATTER)

(LIVELY CHATTER)

(SCREAMING)

(LIVELY CHATTER)

(LAUGHING)

You know what,
don't change a thing.

You just keep walking around
looking just like that.

(TOILET FLUSHING)

(KAPPAS EXHALING)

- You again.
- Oh.

- Morning.
- Hi.

Sorry you had to do that.

Looks like some of the girls are
a little traumatized.

Yeah. It's okay.
I spend a lot of time in bathrooms.

No, no. I don't mean like that,
I just mean that...

I don't go to the bathroom a
lot. I...

You know, sometimes I do.
Kind of depends on what I eat.

(LAUGHS)

Just to be clear, I spend a
normal amount of time in the bathroom.

RACHEL: Sydney.

- It's time to get back to the house.
- Okay.

Don't ask.
We had to take her.

I think she's cool.
And cute.

SPANKY: Just admit they're
cooler.

You don't know what the hell
you're talking about.

There is no way that a pirate is
cooler than a ninja.

Ninjas live like monks.
Pirates get booty. End of discussion.

Hi. I need to return these,

and I have a couple
of poli sci books on reserve.

I'm impressed. I don't get
a lot of pledges in here studying.

Well, they probably don't have
scholarships to maintain.

GURKIN: You and your drunken,
whoring pirates

represent the lowest common
denominator in society!

All right. I think we can all agree
that a pirate-ninja

would be the coolest thing ever.

SYDNEY: Hi.

Oh, hi.

Hello.

I wanted to apologize for what I did
to you in the bathroom.

What did she do to you in the bathroom?
What did she do?

It was a stupid pledge prank.
And I'm really, really sorry.

Hey, it wasn't exactly
surprising behavior for a Kappa.

Come on, let's go.
Excuse me.

If it makes you feel any better,
they threw bologna at us

while we sang Celine Dion songs!

(ALL LAUGHING)

Girls, it's been a long journey,
but you're almost done.

Tomorrow night is our Presents
Dance,

where you will be introduced
as official Kappa sisters.

It's tradition for the current
sisters

to pass down their Presents gowns
to the new pledges.

After all, we're all size two.

(GIGGLING)

Except you, Amy.

As president,
I will draw the first name.

This lucky girl is getting
one of Milan's finest.

(MOUTHING WORDS)

Sydney White.

(ALL CHEERING)

Come, Sydney.

(COUGHING)

(COMPUTER CHIMES)

Hey, Christy,
why don't you check your standing?

I'm sure you've cracked
the top 20 by now.

What's that?

Just the school's "Hot or Not"
ranking on MySpace.

It's just some dumb list.

Huh! That does sound dumb.

Really dumb. I bet lame people
just log on all day and vote for themselves.

No, we don't.
We're only allowed to vote once a day.

Right, Rachel?

Hey, Rach,
you're still number one.

Am I? How cute.

It's been that way for forever.
You know how people are.

They just stick with the status
quo.

That's why new people
never make it on.

Oh, my God.
Sydney's on it, number 213.

I am?
Let me see that.

Aw. But I thought you said
new people never make it on the list.

Well, like you said,
it's just some dumb list.

But aren't we just so lucky
to have you as a pledge?

And I think you're gonna look
just gorgeous in...

Perfect. Totally you.
Practically screams number 213.

(CELL PHONE RINGTONE PLAYS)

Hey, Tyler.

Oh, you're so bad!

I have to take this.

- RACHEL: Jenny Robinson.
- (APPLAUSE)

Dinky Hodgekiss.

Alicia Fairchild.

Bunchie Hathaway.

And finally, Sydney White.

I present to you this fall's
Kappa Phi Nu pledge class.

You look incredible.

Thank you.

Dance?

(MUSIC PLAYS)

♪ When I see you smile

♪ I can face the world... ♪

Who are you, Sydney White?

You throw a football
like Matt Leinart,

fearlessly conquer fraternity
bathrooms,

and clean up nice to boot.

(SYDNEY CHUCKLES)

Well, I'm more of a Peyton Manning.
Leinart's a lefty.

Marry me.

(LAUGHS)

So, they go all out
for these shindigs, huh?

It's a weird word, "shindig."

You eat? Because there are some
hors d'oeuvres over there.

You know, I tried to eat a plastic flower once.
Kind of hurt.

I'm rambling again, aren't I?

I'm starting to think
I make you nervous.

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)
No.

Congratulations.
You are now a Kappa sister.

Congratulations.
You are now a Kappa sister.

(APPLAUSE)

Congratulations.
You are now a Kappa sister.

Congratulations.
You are now a Kappa sister.

Congratulations.
You are now a Kappa sister.

You are now a Kappa sister.
You are now a Kappa sister.

Kappa sister...
Sister... Sister...

Congratulations.
You are now a Kappa sister.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I'm afraid we have a bit of a situation.

Every so often,
it is the unfortunate duty

of president to act
as judge and jury.

Sydney White has exhibited
inappropriate Kappa behavior.

(AUDIENCE MURMURING)

Is this a pledge prank?

It certainly is not.

You are guilty
of the following infractions.

You brought an unsuitable date
to the date dash,

cheated during a pledge quiz,

revealed a secret pledge ritual
to the entire library,

and, finally,
lied about your background.

We all know your dad
is actually a plumber.

As Kappa president, according
to statute 25-A of the sorority charter,

I hereby dismiss Sydney White
from the Kappa pledge class.

I don't know what your mother
got away with when she was here...

but you will never be a Kappa.

You know what?
Thank you.

Because if this is what
sisterhood's all about,

then I don't want any part of
it.

I want that dress back.

Take it!

(ALL GASP)

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

(CHIPS RATTLING)

I will see your Cobra Commander,

and I will raise you a mint,
unopened,

power of the force,
Return of the Jedi, Luke Skywalker in...

Battle poncho.

Wow.

We fold.

Which is better? Three A's or
two of the cards with the ladies on them?

- You dope.
- What?

If you have both,
it's a full house.

How is it you
always win at cards,

but you can't make it
from Junior Tiger Guide to Tiger Guide?

It's one badge, okay?
It's one badge.

Knots are hard.

Does anyone know another word
for "douchebaggery"?

I don't want to repeat it a
third time.

Gurkin, no one reads
your whiny blog anyway.

Peoplespunisher.com is not
about being read.

It's about being written.

(ELECTRIC CRACKLING)

Good morning, Embele.

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Where do you think he goes?

(RAIN FALLING)

Outside, a lady waits.

She wears jean pants and looks
very sad. (YAWNS)

There's a girl outside? Yes!

Am I looking good? Yes.

(GASPS)
It's the bathroom babe!

I'm going to go work the Spanky
magic.

(SIDNEY SOBBING)

Ahem!

Sorry. You probably
don't want me sitting out here.

And I understand,
especially you.

And you were right
about the whole Kappa thing.

I'll go.

Did they really make
you sing Celine Dion?

Yeah.

Do you need a place to stay?

(THUNDER RUMBLING)

LENNY: Guys, this is Sydney.

She needs a place to stay.

She gave up her dorm room
to pledge Kappa.

Sydney, these are the guys.

Gurkin.

Terrence.

George.

Jeremy.

- Don't forget me.
- Oh, of course. Skoozer.

(WHISPERS) Jeremy's shy.
He had several therapists as a kid.

One of them recommended a puppet.
He never stopped using it.

- You'll get used to Skoozer.
- Hmm. Yeah, it's okay.

As long as he doesn't try
to hump my bunny slippers.

- No promises.
- (SKOOZER BARKS)

(EXPLOSION)

That's Embelackpo Akimbatunde.
We just call him Embele.

He's from Nigeria
and hasn't adjusted to the time change.

His days and nights
are actually reversed.

Jet lag, huh?
When did he get here?

Three years ago.

Thank you.

Of course!
I have to invert the ratio.

Come on, Bilbo.

And what exactly is he doing?

- We have no idea.
- Okay.

Welcome to the Vortex.

- (EXPLOSION)
- (BUZZING)

- LENNY: Sydney?
- Oh, hi. Come in.

Hi. Uh...

I'm sorry. I know it can be a little
spooky up here at night,

so I brought you this.

That night light has gotten me
through some pretty tough times.

Thanks, that's really sweet.

- Hey, is that Dark Fury number four?
- Yeah. The one with the...

- BOTH: First appearance
of The Emerald Mask.

Ahh!

You know, you may be more Vortex
than Kappa after all.

So, are you all set?
Do you need anything?

A hypoallergenic pillow?
Humidifier? Dehumidifier? Ionizer?

Nope. I think I'm all good
on the medical-supply front.

Are you sure?
There's a lot of dust.

I've actually got
loads of allergy medicine.

You? Allergies?
I never would've guessed.

Yeah, I know, just the usual,
dairy, wheat, peanuts,

- bee stings, cats...
- Wow, that's a lot of...

...shellfish, pollen, wood.

A few others. But it's getting late.
You're probably tired.

Well, yeah.
Public humiliation can be pretty tiring.

Yeah, I know.

Oh, I don't know if you need
any sort of special...

lady products or...

No, no. I'm good.
Thanks, though.

Thanks for everything, Lenny.

Hey. (CHUCKLES)

I don't know if you need me
to do anything...

- Spanky, go.
- (CHUCKLES)

(GROANS)

Sorry about that.
Let me know if he bothers you.

Spanky's kind of...

Well, he really likes girls,
but he doesn't know...

- many.
(MOUTHING WORD)

But he keeps himself happy.

You may find this hard to
believe,

but most of the guys here
don't have a lot of experience with girls.

(ALSO SPRACH ZARATHUSTRA PLAYS)

Dudes.
That thing has touched boobs.

Of course.

The sturdy, breathable fabric is
designed to maintain mammary elasticity.

Shut up, Terrence!
You're ruining the moment for me.

(PHONE LINE RINGING)

- PAUL: Hello.
- Hey, Dad. Did I wake you?

What? Are you kidding?

How was the big dance?

That's actually why I was
calling.

Come on. I've been waiting up to hear.
Tell me all about it.

It was great.
Yeah, it's all very exciting.

Sydney, I'm sure that your mom is right there
taking it all in with you.

I know.

(SIGHS) That's what I keep
thinking.

- Good night, sweetie.
- Night, Dad.

(PHONE CLICKS)

(EXHALES)

- (PHONE RATTLES)
- (LIGHT SWITCH CLICKS)

(CRICKETS CHIRPING)

(GROANS)

Um...

This place is a deathtrap.
How about some repairs?

Sydney, don't start.

You know why we can't get
any damn repairs?

I'll tell you why.
Campus-wide systematic Greek oppression.

Read peoplespunisher.com
if you want to know more.

I did a whole series on it.

I don't know what
this house needing repairs

has to do with
the Greek system anyway.

It isn't even Greek.

Precisely!
That's the problem.

Rachel Witchburn and the Greeks
run the Student Council.

The Student Council dictates
all budget appropriations.

Over the past 14 semesters,
87.3% of all campus-event funding

has been devoted
to the Greek system.

Are you kidding me?

- I don't kid.
- (GURGLING)

Oh. Won't be long now.

Why is everyone on this campus willing to let
Rachel Witchburn run their lives?

'Cause she's kind of... scary.

♪ I'm getting what I want... ♪

Hey, Rachel!

Check it out.
The diet's working. I lost five pounds.

(WHOOPING)

I think your ass found it.

TYLER: Hey!

Hey! Sydney.

Sydney.

- Hi.
- Listen, about last night...

Last night?
Hmm. Wait, let me think.

Oh, yeah, when your girlfriend
humiliated me.

- Good times.
- Trust me,

Rachel's not my girlfriend.

And not everyone in
Greek Row is like her.

Give me a chance
to prove that to you.

GIRL: Sign up to run
for Student Council.

You know, I'm actually kind of
busy

juggling seven guys
at the moment.

- So...
- Whoa.

I got to go.

Hey, can I have a sign-up sheet?

- Yeah. You need a pen?
- Actually, can I have seven?

(BOTH GASP)

Don't worry, ladies.

We won't have to deal with the public
once the Vortex is torn down

and my Greek Centre's built.

And my Greek Centre's built.
(CELL PHONE BEEPS)

(CELL PHONE BEEPS)

Oh? Is it 4:00 already?

Loser, loser.

Kappa, Kappa.

Kappa, lose...

What? (SCOFFS)
This isn't happening.

Wow. I guess her little striptease act
got some attention.

(HYPERVENTILATES)

CHRISTY: Rachel? Rachel.

Use your soothing words.

Prada, Gucci, Chanel...

Sydney, Sydney, Sydney!
(GRUNTS)

Whoa!

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(DOOR CLOSES)

- LENNY: Hey.
- Hey, guys.

(GEORGE GROANS)

(WHISPERING) Here,
I'll get that for you. Here you go.

I've found a way for you
to get the Vortex repaired.

We're signing you up to run for Student Council.
All seven of you.

(LAUGHING)

Very funny, Sydney. Next you'll tell us
Admiral Adama's a Cylon.

(LAUGHING)

I have no idea what you just said.
But I'm serious.

You'll all run on a ticket,
and you will take over

the entire Student Council.

No non-Greek has won
a Student Council office since 1992.

And look where that's gotten us.

Ow.

Yes, George. Ow!

We've taken enough of their
abuse.

I'll be your campaign manager.
I'll be with you every step of the way.

I am in.

Good. Who else is with me?
Come on, guys.

Do you really want to spend
the rest of your college years

locked up in this crap hole,
disenfranchised and powerless?

- Okay.
- No! George, no.

- You don't want to be powerless.
- No.

(SIGHS) Please, don't give up.

(SIGHS)

Did the Avengers give up
when the Black Knight

sprayed New York with that foam

that left everybody
stuck to the ground?

- No!
- No.

With the help
of a criminal glue specialist,

they freed everyone.

I'm your criminal glue
specialist!

Yeah!

ALL: Yeah. Yeah.

Now, who's running for
president?

BOYS: Not it.

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Oh. I never win at that game.

Terrence it is.
Let's get started!

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)

♪ I am temperamental

♪ Like a heart without a home

♪ I am sentimental

So?

♪ But you don't know me at all

♪ I have expectations

♪ I wanna be the one you call

♪ And I want a conversation

♪ But you don't know me at all

Mm. Nice.

♪ I am

♪ I'm a revolution

♪ Close your eyes

♪ I am, I am

♪ I am

♪ I'll blow your mind

♪ I am

♪ I'm a revolution

♪ Why do I have to explain?

♪ Who I am again and again?

♪ I am... ♪

Loop in,
and then you've got a bow.

- I did it!
- You did it, yes!

♪ But I think that you're
pretending

♪ But you don't fool me at all

Hey, Terrence.

♪ Hold on tight

Bye, Terrence.

♪ I'm a revolution

♪ Close your eyes

♪ I am

♪ I am

♪ I'll blow your mind

♪ I am

♪ I'm a revolution

♪ Why do I have to explain?

♪ Who I am again and again?

♪ I am ♪

This is the gym.

A lot of people hang out here.

We can work off
some of those doughnuts

and maybe even
talk to a few people.

(STAMMERING)
I don't know.

Come on, guys. It's a Saturday afternoon.
What else would you be doing?

Oh, we always do play fantasy video games
and then reenact them.

(ALL SHOUTING)

Are you not entertained?

Hmm. Tempting. But I think
we're going to stick with this.

(GRUNTING)

I can't do it. My arms ache.
I think I may have muscular dystrophy.

(CHUCKLING)
Muscular dystrophy is a birth defect.

Lenny, they're two pounds.

Each.

- You got it?
- (SKOOZER MUTTERING)

- What?
- I said yeah, I got...

(BOTH GRUNT)

Damn, Embele,
you're going to town.

Where'd you get all that energy?

I just awaken an hour ago.

(LAUGHS)

- It's okay. You'll be fine.
- It fell on my foot.

(DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING ON TV)

TV ANNOUNCER:
Rachel Witchburn has led

the Student Council to great heights
over the past two years.

In addition to repaving Greek Row,
Rachel beautified Greek Row's grounds,

and expanded parking privileges
for Greek Row.

Re-elect Rachel Witchburn.
Vision. Leadership. Progress.

I'm Rachel Witchburn,
and I approve this message.

Can you believe that?
Who would fall for that?

(CLAPPING)

George, no.

No.

(COMPUTER BEEPS)

(SIGHS)

Prada, Gucci, Chanel, Armani...

(SCREAMING)

(MUSIC PLAYS)

♪ Pump, pump the fist

♪ Pump, pump the fist

♪ You don't want that
Do it like that

♪ Pump, pump, pump
Pump, pump, pump, pump ♪

- SYDNEY: Freedom!
- SPANKY: Freedom to the 7th Power!

Freedom to the 7th Power, people.
Come one, come all.

♪ Get down
With Freedom to the 7th Power ♪

Come learn about
Freedom to the 7th Power, people!

Oh, yeah, check us out.
This is the spot.

- Freedom!
- (MUSIC STOPS)

I don't think we're making much
of an impression.

SYDNEY: Yeah.
I was worried about that.

Aha.

Free drinks!
Free drinks over here!

Freedom to the 7th Power!
Free drinks!

(CLAMORING)

Serve and socialize.

Who wants a burger?

- Hi.
- Hi.

I just wanted to apologize
for what happened.

I really am sorry.

It's okay.

So, how's life as a Kappa?

Oh, you know, it's good.
(CHUCKLES)

- Hey, is one of these...
- Yes, Lenny.

The greenish-looking one is
your gluten-free soy patty.

- Excellent.
- Do you have any extra of those?

- Are you allergic to gluten too?
- All my life.

And it is so hard to find a
decent gluten-free soy patty.

(CHUCKLING) Today's your lucky day
because these are sensational.

- Lenny, this is my friend Dinky.
- Oh, it's so nice to meet you.

Dinky. Right?
Nice to meet you, Dinky.

Um, Dinky?

We're over there.

Hi, Sydney. It's nice to see
you found some people you fit in with.

Mmm. It is nice, isn't it?
If only there were a place

where a superficial,
materialistic bitch could fit in.

- Oh, wait, there is.
- (CHUCKLES)

Whatever.

It's so cute, making your little friends
run for student council.

Mmm. It is cute.
And it'll be even cuter when we win.

Just so you know,
non-Greeks never win.

Yeah, just like you said
new people never make it

on your "Hot or Not" list,
right?

Let me give you one tip, Sydney.

I'm the last person
you want to mess with.

No. You're the first.

Come on, let's go.

It was nice seeing you, Sydney.
You too, Lenny.

(STAMMERING)

You realize she was
flirting with you?

- Yeah.
- No!

- Who's going to win today?

ALL: Sharks going to win today!

Who, who, who?

ALL: Sharks, sharks, sharks!

(ALL CHEERING)

Who's gonna win today?

Well, when the temperature drops below 60
and there's a headwind,

the forces exerted on the ball create
an unfavorable magnitude and direction.

The resulting spatial vector leads to
an increase in the Sharks' fumble ratio.

I anticipate a double-digit
loss.

MAN: The dude's a freak.

I don't know about you, man,
but I got to change my bet.

Wait a minute.
I think we graduated with that dude.

SYDNEY: The election's coming up
and we could really use your vote.

(ALL GASPING)

STUDENT: Hey, dudes,
throw the Frisbee back.

Go on. Someone pick it up
and throw it on back.

STUDENT: Right here!

Ow!

Heads up!

(MAN HUMMING A CAPELLA)

(WHISPERING) Dude,
I think you have the wrong desk.

(BOTH HUMMING A CAPELLA)

Yeah. You definitely
have the wrong desk.

♪ When I see you smile

♪ I can face the world

♪ You know, I can do anything

♪ When I see you smile

♪ I see a ray of light

♪ I see it shining right through
the rain

♪ When I see you smile

♪ Baby
When I see you smile at me ♪

(WHISPERING) Tyler,
have you lost your mind?

No, but I will keep singing
unless you agree to go out with me.

Just one date.

No.

♪ When I see you smile ♪

- (WHISPERING) Okay.
- I...

Pick me up at 7:00.
And it's not a date.

Done.
But dinner's served at 5:00.

Nice work, Beta freshmen.
Dismissed.

(SIGHS)

So, what do you guys think?

This is what I wore
to my college interview,

so I thought it would be, you know,
a nice first date outfit.

No, it's terrible.
You look like Barbara Walters.

And you said this wasn't a date.

It is not a date.

We're just friends and,
you know, I don't like him like that.

Only a little. You know, occasionally.
When his shirt's off.

Ugh! Oh, I have no idea.

Uh-huh. That's how
it always starts.

You never plan these things.
First, you're friends.

Then you're all,
"Hi! Are you here to fix the copier?"

- The next thing you know...
- (GROWLS) You are no help.

Why are you so nervous anyway?
You must've been

on plenty of dates before.

I don't know if you guys
have figured this out,

but I'm not exactly
the prom-queen type.

Yeah, but you're pretty, Sydney.

SYDNEY: Thanks, George.

But I've had about as much
dating experience as you guys.

Whoa! Speak for yourself.

(ALL GASPING)

LENNY: I'm starting to see
what you mean.

- You need something sexy.
- But warm.

- Purple's pretty.
- TERRENCE: My mom used to wear mauve.

- GURKIN: What about fuchsia?
- SPANKY: No, no.

LENNY: That looks like it
itches.

- GURKIN: Let me see.
- GEORGE: Don't push.

Three quarters of first dates
end in disappointment

for one or both parties,
studies show.

- I hope you beat the odds.
- Me, too.

(SNEEZES)

If you try any funny stuff,

I will unleash the power
of the Internet on you.

I will register you as a sex offender
in all 50 states, and Canada.

- Wow.
- Yeah! And I'll kick your ass.

SYDNEY: Hi.

- You look...
- (EXPLOSION)

- Thanks.
- What was that all about?

That's nothing.
You should see the plumbing.

- (EXPLOSION)
- (BUZZING)

- What was that?
- That's just Terrence.

You get used to it. Let's go.
Bye, guys.

- Bye.
- Bye, Sydney.

All 50 states, pal.

(EMBELE SPEAKING
IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(MUSIC PLAYS)

♪ I don't want another pretty
face

♪ I don't want just anyone to
hold

So, your idea of a date is
to convert me?

Now, it's a date, huh?

♪ Your beautiful soul

Hey, guys.

♪ Yeah ♪

You serve meals to the homeless?
I had no idea.

He had no choice.

Not unless he has
some other plan to get

that infraction
off of his permanent record.

Me and the Betas,
we got in some trouble.

Let's just say a few campus ordinances
were violated.

A few?

And you're working
your hours off here?

Nice to see you recruiting
my best students, Tyler.

- Sydney, happy to have you here.
- Happy to be here.

So, do my hours tonight count
towards working off Tyler's dirty deeds?

Actually, he fulfilled
his requirement last year.

We just can't seem to get rid of
him.

(SOFT BALLAD PLAYS)

TYLER: Watch your step.
We're almost there.

Wow.

This is beautiful.

If you look over there,
you can almost see Greek Row.

Which is probably
the last thing you want to see.

Yeah. It's just...
Growing up without my mom,

I was hoping that becoming a Kappa
would help me connect with her.

Sydney, you don't need Kappa.

I know. I feel close to her
just being at the school.

You know, I found her name
carved into my study carrel.

No way.

Hey, is this where you bring
all your first non-dates?

Luring the babes
with this whole do-gooder thing?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Sorority girls can't get enough of it.

"Tyler, this place doesn't
even have a maître d'."

"Tyler, these plates are plastic.
Touching them hurt my hands."

(LAUGHS)

Let's just say
you're the first girl I've met

I thought would appreciate this
place.

Well, I do, even if there was
no bathroom attendant.

I had to turn the faucet myself.

(TYLER LAUGHS)

TYLER: Here we are.

All right. Well...

Thank you.

I had a great time.

(CHUCKLES) You're trying not
to overtalk right now, aren't you?

(MOUTH WORD)

(EXCLAIMS)
Whoa!

SPANKY: I'm okay.
My spleen broke my fall.

(SNEEZES)

Hi, guys.

- Hey.
- Hi, Sydney.

What a surprise.

We were just watching the...

TV COMMENTATOR: Touchdown!

- The game?
- Mm-hmm.

- Yeah, who's playing?
- Um... the...

Saint Louis Gorillas.

You guys were spying on me,
and just for that,

I'm not going to tell you
about my date.

Oh, come on, Sydney.

Nope.
Good night, boys.

- (GRUNTS)
- Oh, man.

I should probably see a doctor.

(GROANS)

Hey, sexy.

Rachel, what the hell
are you doing here?

Besides reading
your boring emails, nothing.

Tell me what you
were doing out with her?

You know what, Rachel?
I like Sydney. Deal with it.

I don't care if you like her or
not.

All I care about is
our Greek Life Centre,

and Sydney and her band of goobers
are screwing with our plans.

They don't have a shot
at winning the election, and you know it.

Maybe we should
just leave them alone.

That dump is obviously
really important to them.

I don't know why anyone
would want to live there.

That fire trap should be
condemned.

Look, we can find another
location.

Now, get out of here already.

One date, and you're ready
to blow the whole deal?

It was a hell of a date.

Normally at this time of year,
I'd be reporting

- that Rachel Witchburn...
- Guys. Guys. Look.

...once again has a lock
on the student council presidency.

But now, there is
a new player on the scene.

Terrence Lubinecki's
Freedom to the 7th Power party.

Do they have a shot?

- Can they even make a dent?
- SYDNEY: You look so cute, Terrence.

Stay tuned.

(CHEERING)

Good looking guy.

Check it out.
Maybe I'll actually vote this year.

Yeah, he's cool.

Hey, Rach,
which of these should I wear?

- I don't care.
- But I have a date.

- I don't care.
- Come to my room

- and help me get dressed.
- What is wrong with you?!

Rachel, you can't come in here.
I just farted.

Ew. Katy, you're disgusting.

(ALL SHOUTING)

(ALL SCREAM)

- Get off me, you freaks!
- GIRL: No!

What? No.

(SCREAMING) No!

Rachel, do you want
to try your soothing words?

(SIGHS)

I don't need my soothing words.

It's all become very clear to
me.

Sydney White must die a social
death.

And take her seven dorks with
her.

(COMPUTER GAME BEEPING)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Great. Here comes
Prince Charming.

Guys, please,
just give him a chance.

Guys, please, just give him a chance.
(GUN COCKING)

(GUN COCKING)

That means you, Gurkin.
Put the paintball gun away.

(DOOR OPENS)

- Hi. Come on in.
- Hi.

Hi.

Hi.

- You ready?
- Actually, I have a better idea.

We all hang here
at the Vortex and order pizza.

What?

(WHIMPERING)

Sounds good to me.

(ALL GROANING)

Hey, is that Medal of Honor?

GURKIN: No,
it's not Medal of Honor.

Medal of Honor is for wussies.

It's Gurkin of Honor.
I made it.

Pays tribute to Medal of Honor,
God of War, Halo, and Viva Piñata.

I'm pretty good at all those games.
Mind if I give it a shot?

Okay.

(LAUGHING)

(SHUSHING)

(SIGHING

(MONSTER ROARING)

(GUNS FIRING)

(ALL CHEERING)

Eat lead, sucker.

- Gurkin, damn. He just kicked your ass.
- Yes.

- Nice.
- I have to say I am impressed.

- Well...
- None of these other freaks

have come close to winning
Gurkin of Honor.

(SIGHS) We Betas play
video games too.

You do?

Yeah. What do you think we do?

Just have sex with girls
all the time.

Hate to break it to you, Spanky,
but we're really just regular guys.

Aw, he's like a kid who just found out
there's no Santa Claus.

What?

I mean, hypothetically, you know,
if there weren't a Santa Claus,

which of course there is.

You guys should come hang out sometime.
Bring Gurkin of Honor.

We're having a party tomorrow night,
you guys want to come?

(MOUTHING WORD)

(MUSIC PLAYS)

♪ I'm breakin' dishes up in here

♪ All night
Uh-huh

♪ I ain't gonna stop
Until I see police lights

♪ Uh-huh

♪ I'm a fight a man tonight
I'm a fight a man tonight

♪ I'm a fight a man
A man ♪

You made it.

The bar is over there,
and the DJ's taking requests.

Do you think he has
the Doctor Who theme song?

I'm thinking not.

That's okay.
I brought my own.

As for you,
dance floor is this way.

♪ Been coming home lately
At 3:30

♪ I'm super cool
I've been a fool ♪

ALL: (CHANTING) Twenty-five,
26...

And 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32.

(ALL CHEERING)

Yeah! All right!

Who's next? Anybody think
they can beat that?

Yes. I do.

- (SCOFFS)
- He thinks... (LAUGHS)

BOY: The dork thinks he can beat it.
All right, good luck, buddy.

Whatever you say, man.
Come on.

Ah.
No, no. No, no.

(CROWD GASPING)

Start counting.

One, two...

ALL: Three, four,

five, six, seven, eight...

(CHUCKLES)
I hope the guys are okay.

I haven't heard any girlish screams,
so I'm thinking we're good.

Sure looks like it.

One-forty-nine, 150, 151, 152,

153, 154, 155...

(ALL CHEERING)

That was badass!
(WHOOPING)

That was awesome.

- Lenny.
- (STAMMERING) Ah...

Hey.

Oh, wow,
I love your new hairstyle.

(STAMMERING)
Yeah, I... I...

Dinky, Rachel
needs you right away.

- Oh, but I just...
- It's an emergency.

- Oh, you know what, okay. Bye.
- Bye.

How come you boys
haven't come out to party before?

You guys are so cool.

- Really?
- Oh, yeah.

We've been watching you.
Where have you studs been hiding?

The building at the end of the
road.

It's called the Vortex
'cause it sucks in losers.

That's sexy. (CHUCKLES)

Well, boys, there's seven of us
and seven of you.

What's that sound like to you?

Fourteen?

Sounds like a party to me.

You know,
there's a hot tub out back.

Through that door there's a study
that leads right to it.

You can leave
your clothes there.

But we don't have
any swimming trunks.

Neither do we.

We'll meet you back there.

(UPBEAT SONG PLAYING)

Oh, boy.

SPANKY: Girls? Where are you?
Where's the hot tub?

Marco!

- GIRL: They're naked!
- (ALL GASPING)

Oh, no.

(CROWD LAUGHING)

It must be cold out there.

Oh, no.

RACHEL:
Thanks for putting on a show, guys.

This is low,
even for you, Rachel.

Aw, Sydney, so nice of you
to care about them.

And since you're the mastermind

behind their adorable little
Student Council campaign,

let me be the first
to break the news.

Terrence has been disqualified
from running for president.

What are you talking about?

Terrence Lubinecki is not
a student at Southern Atlantic.

He graduated six years ago.

I had to stay. There was just
so much more learning to do.

(WHISPERING) Terrence,
maybe you should put on some clothes.

- MAN: Yeah.
- SIDNEY: Okay.

Rachel, why don't you get
the hell out of here?

Ooh, I love it when you get
rough.

And, Ty, thanks for playing
your part so well.

That's the other good news.

The Witchburn-Prince
Greek Life Centre is now a reality.

- Witchburn-Prince? What the hell?
- Oh, you didn't tell her?

I thought you guys were so close.
It's a little joint project of ours.

And the only thing standing in our way
was the Vortex.

So, like you suggested, Tyler,

I went ahead
and had it condemned.

Now you can eat
with the homeless every night.

You had something to do with
this?

No. I mean,
I said the place was a dump,

- but I didn't...
- Witchburn-Prince, huh?

So you wanted to tear down the
Vortex.

- Yeah, I did, but...
- I don't want to hear it.

- Sydney!
- No.

Don't grovel, Tyler.
You're above it.

Things are looking grim,
brothers.

I am so sorry
about this, you guys.

You should've just left us
alone.

We were fine until you came along
and made us your guinea pigs.

You guys.

It's so important for us
to stand up to the Greeks

and show them
that they can't trample all over us.

Well, it's also important for us
to have a place to live.

(PHONE LINE RINGING)

- PAUL: (ON PHONE) Hello?
Dad?

(LAUGHING) Gotcha.

You've reached Royal Plumbing
at the White House. No, not that one.

This is Paul and Sydney's.
Leave a message.

(MACHINE BEEPS)

Hi, Dad. I was just
calling to say I miss you.

And that's it.

Um... everything's great here.
Really great.

I love you.

(GRUNTS)

(CAR DOOR CLOSES)

(MOUTHING WORDS)

PAUL: It was
that message last night.

I could tell something wasn't right.
I could hear it in your voice.

So I got in the van
and I drove all through the night.

I was a little surprised to find
you weren't at the Kappa house, though.

I wanted to tell you
so many times, but...

I kept thinking about Mom
and... I felt like I'd failed her.

And you always sounded
so proud of me on the phone.

Sweetheart, following
in your mother's footsteps

is not about reliving her life.

It's about being the same kind
of person she was.

Hey.

Your mom was much more
than just a Kappa.

She was a woman
who always fought

for what she believed in,
and so are you.

Nothing could make me
prouder than that.

Not even when I installed that
water filtration system in under an hour?

That was pretty great.

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

(KNOCKING on DOOR)

(GROANS)
It says, "Do not disturb."

(KNOCKING CONTINUES)

Up and at 'em, guys.

It's time to make some plans.

I know you're still pissed at me,
but come on.

Are you really gonna wallow here
in this fleabag motel

because some prissy girly-girl
who probably doesn't know who Gandalf is,

screwed us over?

You're right.

I bet she doesn't know
who Gandalf is.

(SCOFFS)

(LAUGHING)

- We're still mad at you, though.
- That's okay. I want you to be mad.

I want you to get fired up
so we can win this election.

Because the Freedom to the 7th Power
party will prevail.

Yeah!

With our new
candidate for president.

Me!

I'm gonna run against Rachel.

And we're gonna take her down.

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

Hi, I'm Sydney White and I'm running
for Student Council president.

Hi, I'm Sydney White and I'm running
for Student Council president

on the Freedom to the 7th Power
ticket.

Your papers count for three quarters
of your final grade,

and no late papers
will be accepted.

As you're writing these papers,
I want you to think

about the mechanics
of modern campaigning.

SIDNEY: You may be wondering
why you should even care.

Why bother voting?
The Greeks win every year

and it's just one more way
they run the school.

CARLTON: There's a whole
lot of talk today

about the need to cater to your
base.

But then there's something to be said
for thinking outside of that box.

SYDNEY: Freedom to the 7th
Power!

(ALL CHEERING)

Freedom to the 7th Power!

Good job.

(MUTTERING)

(YELLS)

(GRUNTS)

The fact is that 80% of the
student body at Southern Atlantic

is not Greek. 80%.

CARLTON: Take the Kennedy
campaign in 1960.

He was inherently an outsider.

A Catholic had never been
elected as president.

Who reached out
to other outsiders.

(ALL RECITING
PRAYER IN HEBREW)

- L'chaim.
- ALL: L'chaim.

SYDNEY: To those students I say,
it's time for you to be heard.

CARLTON: Minorities,
women, the poor.

The disenfranchised won that election
for John Kennedy.

"Naked Pain."
An epic poem in 12 parts.

It's time for you to be heard.
And we are here to listen.

(ALL CHEERING)

♪ Stand up, stand up

♪ Cannot be strong enough... ♪

(CHANTING AND SINGING)

It's a lesson worth remembering.

(EXCLAIMING)

♪ Stand up, stand up

♪ I gotta be strong enough

♪ So stand up, stand up

♪ Brothers, be strong enough

♪ We're trying hard to be
ourselves

♪ Again... ♪

(CHEERING)

RACHEL: Here you go.

Don't vote for Sydney White.
Let's keep it Greek, all right?

Does this look like
your next president?

Vote Rachel Witchburn.

Hi, ho.

Bye, ho.

Don't vote for Sydney White.

Vote Rachel Witchburn.
Rachel Witchburn.

(GRUNTING)

No way. You read
peoplespunisher too?

I write it.

Oh, my God.
It's the most genius thing ever.

Did you know that the Brew House

has an entire spoken-word night
devoted to that blog?

- Really?
- Yeah.

And... I know this is
really embarrassing,

but I swore that if I ever met
the peoplespunisher guy...

Well, I'd hook up with him.

(HAMMER FALLS)

Damn it!

(AWKWARD CHUCKLING)

Need some help?

Oh. Hi.

Listen, I'm really...

Is that a Stanley 22 Ounce
AntiVibe Framing Hammer?

Yes, it is.

Can I touch it?

You can have it.

I saw you guys with the signs.
I thought I could help.

And I just want to tell you
I'm really sorry

about what happened
the other night.

I had nothing to do
with what Rachel pulled.

Yeah, I was involved
in the Greek Centre,

but Rachel twisted
everything around.

Yeah. I know what that's like.

You're gonna do great
at the debate tomorrow.

(HEAVY ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

(PEOPLE SHOUTING)

I thought we might
do a little business.

I thought you finished
Carlton's paper last week.

I did, but I wanted to add
some of the ideas from our campaign.

You really are a dork.

(COMPUTER BEEPS)

Hmm.

(BEEPS)

- What just happened?
- I don't...

- Wait. Make it come back.
- ROBOTIC VOICE: Uh-oh.

- She just opened it.
- (KEYBOARD CLACKING)

Voilà . One poisoned Apple.

Uh...

ROBOTIC VOICE: Self-destruct.

LENNY: Oh, my God.

Oh, no.

All right, pay up.

(SIGHS)

Yes!

She's gone catatonic.

It's no use.
Even I can't fix this.

My paper, due tomorrow.

The debate, tomorrow.

The guy definitely knew
what he was doing.

TERRENCE: What about... Ow!

I can't let her win like this.

But the debate
starts in 12 hours.

(SIGHS) I'm just gonna have
to pull an all-nighter.

(KEYBOARD CLACKING)

(SIGHS)

CARLTON: (ON P.A.)
The debate's about to begin.

Candidates, please report to the
stage.

- We couldn't find her anywhere.
- Where could she be?

She should be done
with her paper by now.

CARLTON: (ON P.A.)
We need all candidates on stage now.

Sydney. Sydney,
you got to wake up.

(MOANING)

I know you're tired,
but you can't give up now.

You mean a lot
to those guys out there.

(SIDNEY MOANS)

You mean a lot to me.

- Okay. I'm awake now.
- Come on.

All right. Well, I'm afraid
we can't wait any longer for Ms. White.

(DOOR OPENS)

I'm here! I'm here!

(CROWD GASPS)

(MURMURING)

Ms. Witchburn, if you win
another term as president,

what will you do differently?

Why fix what isn't broken?

(ALL CHEERING)

This has been
a great year for the university,

and I am particularly proud
to be breaking ground

on the Greek Life Centre very
soon.

(CHEERING)

Ms. White, your rebuttal?

(BOOING)

Yay.

I guess your people couldn't make it.
It's just you and your dorks.

(DOOR OPENS)

- (MARCHING BAND PLAYING)
- Go, Sydney!

Oh, my God.

- (CHEERING)
- GIRL: Go, Sydney!

(MILITARY COMMAND YELLING)

GIRL: Go Sydney!

BOY: I vote for Sydney!

(LAUGHS)

(DRUM ROLL PLAYING)

ALL: Go!

For years, you've been oppressed
by the Greek elite,

who take everything for
themselves,

and leave nothing
for the rest of us.

(BOOING)

It's time for the rest of the school
to take back the school.

- Yeah!
- (CHEERING)

I bet most of you
have no idea how great

the campus a cappella group is,
and why would you?

The social and cultural landscape
is entirely run by the Greeks.

And those guys are forced to
practice in a dank basement.

- That's hard on their vocal cords.
- BOY: Yeah!

- Professor Carlton...
- Let her finish.

I have met so many great
and interesting people here,

that I never would have met
if I didn't step out of my own world.

Before, all I wanted was to fit
in.

But I've learned
that we're all searching to fit in.

And we all feel like outsiders.

And we all do things
and feel things

that are bizarre, and
unconventional, and... dorky.

(CHEERING)

We're all dorks.

Yeah!

My name is Sydney White.
My dad's a plumber.

I collect comic books...

and I'm secretly terrified
of balloon animals.

(CROWD LAUGHS)

I'm a dork.

Yeah!

(CHEERING)

I'm Tyler Prince.

I'm the current high scorer
in Gurkin of Honor.

I'm a dork.

(CHEERING)

My name is...
Well, it's really Sanford,

and I've never had sex
with a girl before.

(CROWD MURMURING)

But I really, really want to.

I'm a dork. (CHUCKLES)

(CHEERING)

Hi.

My name is Jeremy.

I used to speak
only through my puppet.

I'm a dork!

(CHEERING)

My name's Moose.

When I was 13,
I was the top-ranked male

figure skater
in the state of New Jersey.

BOY: Dude!

So I guess that makes me a dork.

(CHEERING)

I've hated Rachel Witchburn

ever since she told me
I had "mom" arms freshman year.

I have a voodoo doll of her
in my underwear drawer,

and I stick pins in it.

Oh, and I'm a dork.

(CHEERING)

Hi. (GIGGLES)
My name is Dinky Hodgekiss.

And I think I'm in love with a
dork.

(ALL WHOOPING)

(CHEERS)

Let's hear it for the dorks!

(ALL CHEERING)

Rachel Witchburn,
you've exhibited

behavior unsuitable for a Kappa.

You've lied, manipulated,

and verbally abused your sisters
and fellow students.

And you are just such a...

A bitch.

We, all of us,

hereby strip you of the privileges
of the Kappa sisterhood.

But you can't!
You can't just...

We just did.

Hmm!

ALL: (CHANTING) Here comes a Kappa
Queen of the Row.

She's hot, she's cool
She ain't no ho.

She's got style

- She's got class.
- Prada...

- And from behind, a kicking...
- Gucci...

(KAPPAS GIGGLING)

(SCREAMING)

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYS)

♪ You're looking for something
You can't find

♪ If you give it up
You'll lose your mind

♪ There's always
Something in your way

♪ Well, what can you say?

♪ You're gonna have good day

♪ You're gonna have good day ♪

(SNEEZES)

Oh, no. You're not
getting sick, are you?

- Nah. It's just the mulch.
- Oh.

(BOTH MOANING)

(CAR HORN HONKS)

Hey, we're from Southeast State
and we're lost. Can you help us?

I will be your guide.

Give me five minutes.

Take all the time you need.

Okay. Bye.

Terrence!
What happened?

Hey, guys. I finally perfected
my predictive analytic probability theory.

It can predict anything

from the behavior of amino acids
in a stable isotope peptide bond

to the outcome of sporting
events.

So I sold it to ibet.com
for $10 million.

- (WHOOPING)
- My God! Are you kidding me?

You are rich man!

You know I helped.
I did.

(WHISTLES)

ALL: Aw!

Oh, let's take a picture.

Come on, come on.

Get together.

Say cheese.

ALL: Cheese.

SYDNEY: So, that's the story
of Sydney White.

My mom was right.
I did make friends for life.

And we all lived...
Well, do you even have to ask?

Dorkily ever after.

♪ I'm not worried

♪ Here he comes

♪ I'm not worried

♪ Better stand down your guns

♪ I feel nothing

♪ I'm stepping out
Here I go

♪ I'm not worried

♪ Trying hard

♪ Tried it all
To keep your head in the game

♪ In the game, quit playing

♪ That was me

♪ I don't know that me no more

♪ I got tired, fell asleep
Now I am back

♪ I'm not worried

♪ Here it comes

♪ I'm not worried

♪ Better stand down your guns

♪ I'm not worried

♪ Here it comes

♪ I'm not worried

♪ Better stand down your guns

♪ I feel nothing

♪ Stepping out
Now here I go

♪ I'm not worried ♪

(BEAUTIFUL SURPRISE PLAYS)

♪ She's got a little bit of trouble
In her eyes

♪ Just enough to let me know
She's the paradise

♪ She's part so safe
Part hell fire

♪ When you think she's piqued
That's when she takes it high

♪ And I fall apart

♪ When she says goodbye

♪ She's such a beautiful
surprise

♪ She's such a beautiful
surprise

♪ A flash of light
Across the cold black sky

♪ A low cool rain
On a hot summer night

♪ Leaves me mesmerized

♪ She's such a beautiful
surprise

♪ She's such a beautiful
surprise

♪ Beautiful

♪ Beautiful

♪ Beautiful

♪ She's such a beautiful
surprise ♪