All language subtitles for In.Treatment.S02E31.1080p.Web-Rip.DD5.1.x264-CasStudio_track3_[eng]

Hello, mia.

So how have you been?

Quiet.

I hadn't heard from you.

Did you get my message?

Yes.
Thanks for your call.

And how are you
Feeling?

How do I look?

That's a lawyer technique,
Right--

Answer a question
With a question?

Okay.

Well, I thought
I'd hit bottom

At the end
Of the last session,

But it went downhill
From there.

I did figure
Something out, though.

I'm stopping therapy.

( theme music playing )

I appreciate
What you've done.

I know
I'm a tough case.

But if every time
You go to the doctor,

You end up feeling worse,
Then it's time to move on.

And I could have called,
But I wanted to come in

And say goodbye
And wrap things up.

I understand.

You're not going to try
To convince me to stay?

Is that what
You'd like me to do?

No, I just assumed
You'd be all over me--

"Therapy this,
Therapy that."

You want me
To hard-sell you

Like a guy selling you

A vegetable peeler
On the street?

Jeez, paul,

Don't I get to be
The angry one here?

You mad because
I want to leave
Or has something happened?

You look like you want
To take your ball
And go home.

Maybe you're right.

If therapy
Hasn't helped,

The last thing
I want to do

Is keep you here,
Make you feel worse.

That's what happened
After the last session.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I felt like shit.

And I went home

And I called my dad,

Thinking that I should get
To the bottom of everything.

He came over
And I started

Asking questions
About my childhood,

All the things
We'd talked about.

And he turned it
On me--

Why was I
Creating problems,

Bringing up
Ancient history?

Maybe he felt threatened.

Especially when I asked
Him if it was his idea
To sell the piano.

He lost it--

I shouldn't blame him;
I should be grateful;

I wouldn't be alive
Without him;

That I was impossible
From the day I was born,

And maybe that's why
My mother went nuts.

So it was all
Your fault.

Yeah, and he went on--

It's no surprise that
I can't find a man;

Who would want
A woman like me?

And then he walked out,

Saying that he didn't want
To talk to me again.

So therapy isn't
The only reason

You had a bad week.

I never would have
Confronted him

If I hadn't been
Talking to you.

So thanks to
All of this,

I have lost
My father.

You haven't lost
Your father.

He's still
In your life,

But you did lose
The father

That you thought
You had.

He didn't refute your mother's
Version of events.

He just chose
Not to answer.

And that confirms
A lot of the things

That we've been
Talking about in here.

Okay, paul,
I get it.

I didn't have
The perfect dad.

You're right and I'm wrong.
Is that what you want?

So put that in today's
Session notes,

Which I hope
You keep now--

"Successfully shattered
Patient m's

Romanticized image
Of her narcissistic father."

Actually what
I would write is--

"Mia, born to
A depressed mother,

Idealizes her father

So as not to feel
Completely alone.

And this week, after
Finally confronting him,

She can see her dad
For who he really is."

It is shattering,

But if you can now move
Beyond that connection
To your father

It may open
The possibility

Of finding love elsewhere.

You mean,
If I stay in therapy.

That's one way.
It's certainly not
The only way.

Good, because
I really am done.

In fact, maybe I should
Get going.

You can, of course.

But since you're here,
Maybe we can at least

Work on closure.

I know you were unhappy
About the last time

That we ended therapy.

I'd like to do
A better job this time.

How long
Does that take?

Well, that's up to you.

If this is
Your last session,

We'll use the time
That's left.

And I'll be honest,
You be honest.

How's that?

Okay, last session.

What do we do?

You haven't told me
What happened after
Your father left.

That's how
We do closure?

Couldn't we just burn
Some sage or something?

( chuckles )

I enjoy your humor
A lot, mia.

But sometimes I feel
It's a way of hiding.

Okay.

Okay.

After dad left,

I pretty much
Stayed home all week

In bed.

And I know
That sounds bad,

But I'm here now,
So I got through it.

Did you get
Out of bed at all?

Um, bathroom trips,

Kitchen trips.

I answered the door
For deliveries.

Did you talk to anybody?

My trusty assistant henry,

Who threatened to come over
And cook for me.

You didn't want
To call me?

What would I have said--
"I'm under the covers

'cause I'm afraid
Of the living room"?

If that's how you felt,

Then yes.

Have you been feeling
A little hopeless?

I'm not suicidal, paul,
Don't worry.

I am pretty tough.

Does being tough mean

You have to suffer through
Things like this alone?

I just felt like
The bed was safe

And the living room
Was scary.

So you took to bed
Like your mother did.

She had post-partum.

What's my excuse--
Post-non-partum?

I wouldn't belittle what
You've been through, mia.

You wanted a child.

You thought
You were having one.

That's a painful loss.

Okay.

And on top of that,

When you were vulnerable and
Needed your father the most,

He wasn't there for you,

Maybe the same way he wasn't
There for your mother

When she couldn't
Get out of bed.

This is exactly why
I'm done with therapy.

Every time we talk,
I feel like I need

To see a therapist
Just to get through the day.

Okay okay, I hear you.

No more dad.
No more mom.

Is this how closure works?
You remind me

Of my miserable family life,
And then my love life,

And then what?
Global warming?

Okay okay.

So what would you like
To talk about?

I was thinking about
Getting a parrot

As a pet,

Instead of a boyfriend
Or a therapist.

I could name it paul

And I could teach it
To say things like,

"What would you like
To talk about?"

Or "Is it me
Or is it your father?"

But then I found out
That parrots live
For about 80 years.

And I don't think I could
Stand anybody for that long.

So you want to go,
But you also want
To keep me around,

Or at least you want
To keep my voice.

Look, paul,
I like you

As a person.

I mean,
That's pretty obvious.

If we were friends,
That would be great.

But we're not.

And I don't imagine

You're going to become
My friend.

That's against the rules.

Unless, of course,
My name were laura.

You're still angry
About that.

Maybe I'm just
An angry person

And I should just accept
Myself for who I am.

No, you're specifically
Angry at me.

No, I said I like you.

And you want me as a friend
But not as a therapist.

You want what I can't
Give you.

What else is new?

Maybe the question isn't
Why you're leaving, mia,

But why you came back
In the first place.

You clearly knew
That I was being sued
For malpractice.

And you believed
That I had failed you
20 years ago.

Think about it.
What kind of choice
Was that?

It wasn't
A really good one.

Or maybe it was perfect,

If you were trying
To choose a therapist

In the same way that you
Choose the men in your life--

Look for someone who's
Likely to let you down,

Do everything you can
To drive him away,

And when he fails you,
Which he must inevitably,

Then you get to rage
Against him.

Nicely done.

You've even
Doubled back to dad,

Without having to
Mention him.

Look, mia, of course
You're free to leave therapy,

But my guess is,
Until you untangle

Those crossed wires,

The next man,
And the one after that,

And the one after that--

They're going to
Disappoint you too.

That's my lifelong pattern

Because I've been

Too attached to bad dad?

Why didn't you tell me this
20 years ago?

I mean, what the fuck?

Are you saying
It's my fault?

Maybe I would have had
A decent life

If I had known that.
It's a little late now.

Would you have even heard me
If I'd said it that back then?

So you waited?

And while you waited,
I hit perimenopause?
Great.

- you're doing it again, mia.
- what?

Blaming me for not
Giving you what you need
When you needed it.

Now I get it--
Closure is you telling me

That it's all my fault
And that I set you up.

That way we can both
Have what we want--

I can be mad at you,
And you can be done with me.

Okay, here's where you
Tell me how relieved I'll be

When you walk out the door.
And then you're going to say

That you're like a knife
In my neck,

That it'll feel good
When you're gone.

That how it goes, isn't it?

See, this is your
Specialty, mia.

And if you want to keep
Repeating that pattern,

That's fine.
Go ahead.

But if you want to make
A change in your life,

I suggest
That you stay in therapy.

And it doesn't even need
To be with me.

Can we talk about
Your patterns?

My patterns?
Like what?

How you like to have
A woman on the couch

Who thinks
She's in love with you,

How you get off
On that.

Get off on it?

I've seen
How you look at me.

You hold up that
Neutral face pretty well,

But I see
When it slips

And you're looking
At my neck

Or my legs

Or my breasts

And you're wondering
What it would be like.

Come on, paul,
You said you'd be honest.

How about
You drop the act?

You know you'd rather
Have me as a patient

Than some hedge fund guy
Whose bonus has been reduced.

Don't tell me you haven't
Had fantasies about us.

Crazy chicks are
Hot in bed, right?

What's the matter?

Am I making you
Uncomfortable?

Why don't we just go
In the bedroom right now
And fuck?

Or how about
On the kitchen counter?

I bet you never did that
With laura.

So there's nothing
To be learned from therapy,

So let's just go fuck?
Is that it?

At least

We'd get some relief
From our miserable lives.

So that's your version
Of closure?

It would make us
Feel better,

Instead of pretending
That this talking nonsense
Actually helps.

What would it be like

If you broke
All the rules for me?

You mean if I said yes?

So you want to?

What if I do?

What would happen?

What are you saying?

Would you finally feel
Special enough?

Would it fix everything,
To win like that?

Or would you just blame me
For crossing the line?

You're a lawyer,
For chrissake.

You know
What it would mean.

Then I would be truly
Guilty of malpractice.

You've probably represented
Doctors like that.

Hell of a way to get out
Of therapy, I have to say--

Turn me into
One of your clients.

- that's not what I'm doing.
- isn't it?

Then I would need you.
You would be in control.

And that would be much more
Comfortable for you,

To have me back
In your office.

Maybe--

Maybe that's why
You really do it.

- what?
- your job.

You're changing the topic.
Are you getting scared?

I'm trying to help you.
That's my job.

What's yours, mia?

What do you do at work
Every day?

You know as well as anyone
What I do.

Oh, how is
Your case going?

I wasn't in last week.

Don't you have a hearing
Coming up?

So they tell me.

But you're right--
You weren't in last week.

If you had gone in,

What cases would you
Have been working on?

No trials.

I was supposed
To meet a new client--

A pediatrician

Who misdiagnosed
Some nine-year-old kid,

Almost killed him.

No wonder
You stayed in bed.

I don't judge
My clients, paul.
I protect them.

And how many of your clients
Are powerful men

Who fail to protect
The vulnerable and the innocent?

They're being sued, paul,
Just like you.

That doesn't mean
They're guilty.

And how long have you
Been doing that?

17 years.

How often
Do you call in sick?

Since I got there?

Five days, four.

In 17 years?

And vacations?

You don't lose the weeks
If you don't take them.

I see.
But last week,

After confronting your father,
You didn't go in.

According to you,
I was depressed.

I think you were.

But I don't think
It's a coincidence

That suddenly you didn't
Want to defend somebody

Whose negligence
Had harmed a child.

Look, I'm not saying
They're all guilty,

But every time you stand
In that courtroom

To defend a client,

I think you're actually
Defending your father

To everybody,
Especially yourself.

Shit.

How long have you known
That one?

Does it make sense to you?

I never made
The connection,

And now I'm stuck
With it.

I felt like I had
Nothing before.

Now I have
Less than nothing.

I know it feels scary,

But maybe
That's a good thing.

It's a good thing
That I have nothing?

Thank you.
Thank you.

You've helped me
To realize

That I've made

Poor choice
After poor choice
My whole life.

But you also
Have to realize, mia,

That you're at a critical
Juncture in your life,

That now you do have
The self-knowledge

To make different,
Better choices.

Don't give me any of this
Pollyanna shit.

And sometimes when you're
On the verge of real change,

That's when you fight
The hardest.

( chuckles )

When you first came back
I tried to ask you

About your connection
To your father,

And you shut me down.
You didn't want to know
Anything about it.

This past week
You confronted him.

Yeah, look how well
That worked out.

I'm not saying
It was easy.

But maybe it's worth it

To finally take off
The blinders,

Even if you don't like
What you see.

Because what is
The alternative--

Put them back on again
And wander around
In the darkness?

Did you have to
Take them off?

I didn't do it.
You did.

What are you thinking?

Oh, nothing.

Just what am I going to do
With the rest of my life?

I want the same things

I wanted when I came here
Two months ago--

A man, a home, a family.

I'm no closer
To getting them.

Do you really think
That getting married

Is going to make it
All better?

Do you have any idea
Of how many married people,

How many parents feel
As empty as you do?

Let me ask you--

When was the last time
You felt real happiness?

A couple weeks ago

When I thought
That I was pregnant.

And what about that
Made you feel good?

That it wasn't just me,

That my life
Had meaning,

That there would be
This other person,

Always.

Have you ever
Considered

That maybe it's not
About a child, mia,

Or a husband?

Maybe that's just
A picture in your head

From your family,
From your friends,

From the culture.

Not everyone needs that

To live a full
And contented life.

Maybe what you
Really want, mia,

Is to feel connected--

Authentically connected

To somebody
Or something else.

And we both know
That I can't have that.

- why not?
- an authentic connection? M?

I've never had that.
I'm incapable.

Are you sure?
What about in here?

Are you kidding me?

I'm a mess in here.

I attack you.
I've dumped on you.
I've tried to seduce you.

I've been a train wreck.

Okay, at times
You have acted out.

But if you hadn't,
How could we examine it?

It's been your way
Of communicating

To both of us
What you need.

You've also been
Honest, caring.

You've made yourself
Vulnerable.

You've shown me
Who you really are.

And you haven't
Walked away.

Yet.

We both know that you
Really want to change.

That's the real reason
You keep coming back.

Yes, of course you want
Intimacy in your life.

And I know--

I know that you're
Capable of that.

Because we've had it.

When?
Name one time.

Now.
Right now.

Oh.

Our time is up, right?

Thank you, paul.

It was a good session.

Goodbye, mia.

( sighs )

So...

I guess I'll see
You next week.

Okay?

Okay, I'll be here.

( music playing )