All language subtitles for In.Treatment.S02E29.1080p.Web-Rip.DD5.1.x264-CasStudio_track3_[eng]

( pages turning )

- you're not going in with me.
- dad, relax.

I don't even know
Why you came up.

( door opens )

- hello, paul.
- hello, walter.
Good to see you.

Uh, you remember
My daughter natalie?

Of course.
How are you, natalie?

- he's doing much better.
- ( laughs ) thank you, natalie.

They wouldn't let me
Out of the loony bin
Without an escort.

( theme music playing )

I never thought I'd be
Happy to be back here.

But it feels good
To get out of
That place,

Even if it's only
For an hour.

So you haven't been
Out at all this week?

Uh, yeah,
A couple of times.

Connie and...

Natalie took me
To lunch.

And how was that?

It was a cute little
Irish place, actually,

Right across the street.
You probably would have
Liked it.

I had stew,

Soda bread.
Connie cried.

I sat there
Wondering if everyone
In the restaurant

Made me for a guy
Being on lunch-leave
From the rubber room.

I doubt they were
Thinking that, walter.

It's humiliating.
My own daughter has
To sign me out,

Sit in your waiting room,
Sign me back in

Like I'm a danger
To society.

I think the fear is that you
Might be a danger to yourself.

- can I ask you
Something, paul?
- sure.

You said that this was one of
The best facilities in the city?

Mm-hmm.
It is very highly regarded.

Then what are
The rest of them like?

I'm not complaining.
You've been there yourself
A few times now.

It's clean, well lit.

Walter, why don't you
Just tell me

What it is that bothers you
About the place?

Okay.

It's the staff:

The therapists,
Social workers.

Maybe I've been
Spoiled by you,

But these people,
They just...

They're just
Not very bright.

- how do you mean?
- well, you're either bright
Or you're not.

You can't fake it.

When I talk to you I don't
Have to explain myself.

You listen, you understand
What I'm saying,

You respond right away.

If I mention a name
Even once,

You remember it
The next time.

These people...

They're just not up to speed.

I have to backtrack
All the time.

Well, I think that you and I
Have a relationship, walter.

And I can imagine how
Frustrating it must be

To cover the same ground
That we have in our sessions.

Yeah, but it's
Not only that.

They talk to me like
I'm a four-year-old--
Or maybe an 80-year-old

Who has to have everything
Explained to him

Loudly and slowly.

- so you feel patronized.
- yeah, exactly. See,
That's it.

That's what I mean--
You understand me.

Well, to be honest, walter,
That wasn't a difficult one.

You know, I've never felt
Patronized by you.

You respected me,
I respected you.

We're equals.

You know, I haven't
Really gotten that sense
From you before, to be honest.

- you haven't?
- actually I've always felt

That I've kind
Of annoyed you,

That our talking together
Was a waste of your time.

For example, when I draw
Connections between your past
And your present,

Uh, you've belittled them.

And me.

Well, if you felt
That way, I'm sorry.

The truth is that right
From that first blink test

I could see
You were top notch.

And yet,
I think I remember that

You questioned
My academic credentials.

And didn't you run
A background check on me?

There's that memory of yours--
It won't let go of any details.

You can see why I might be
A little surprised to hear

That you're now singing
My praises.

Boy, you have a hard time taking
A compliment, don't you?

Maybe you should talk
To somebody about that.

Okay, since

You have so much
Respect for my

Understanding of you--
( clears throat )

- can I be blunt?
- absolutely.

- why are you sucking up to me?
- excuse me?

I think
You're right, walter.

I have tried
To empathize with you

And I know that I've made
Some mistakes,

But I think I have
A pretty fair idea
Of your opinion of me.

So I'll ask you again:

Why are you
Sucking up to me?

Let me show you something.

What-- what is it?

It's a potholder.
I made it myself--

In occupational therapy.

Tomorrow we're gonna
Glue little bits
Of tile together

And make coasters.

I don't imagine
You're the best candidate
For occupational therapy.

Well, I'm used
To being the glue, paul,

Not playing with it.

I'm sure that's not all

You're doing in there.

Oh no no, of course not.

Then there's group therapy--

Which isn't only
A waste of time,

It's disturbing.

I just sit there and I
Listen to strangers
Talking about

How this one was abandoned
Or that one was molested,

And how angry they are
At their parents.

So how do you feel about
Being on the same floor
As these people?

Well, I guess I'm supposed
To relate to them

Or sympathize
Or you tell me.

But come on, paul.

Two months ago I was
A fully-engaged c.E.O.,

Solving
Real-world problems.

And now I'm sitting between one
Person who likes to wear diapers

And another one who likes
To cut herself with a razor.

There's no denying
That you have it rough.
And you must be angry at me

For saying that you
Needed to be there.

No no, you were just
Doing your job.

I can imagine you also might
Be angry that I wasn't

Able to save you from
The depression you fell into.

Or from the attempt that
You made on your own life.

You know, one of the shrinks
There said something like that.

He said you were reckless.

Said that
You'd opened up

Pandora's box at
The worst possible time.

I'm sorry--
Should I not have told you that?

No no.

But I'm sure that must have been
Unsettling for you to hear.

What do you think
He meant by that?

Well, I didn't trust it.
I didn't trust him.

I told him that if it
Hadn't have been for you,

That I'd gone off
The deep end a lot sooner.

I also told him
That his staff wasn't
In your league.

- you're doing it again, walter.
- what?

Bullshitting me.

Now what is it that you
Want from me?

Out.

I want out.

And you're hoping that
If you flatter me enough

That I'll sign off
On your release, is that it?

I'm climbing
The walls, paul.

And it's another week
Before I can go
Before a judge.

Look, I understand

That a week may seem
Like a very long time.

( groans )

God, another day
Is an eternity.

Whatever you need me to say
Or sign, I'll do it.

But please,
Call dr. Wells.

He'll listen to you.

Before I do that,
We need to talk more.

What do you want to know?

What do I want to know?

Isn't that what you said to me
Last week in the hospital?

And then you proceeded
To tell me that you had
Food poisoning.

Drop the facade, walter.
It's a waste of your time
And mine.

You're just saying what you
Think I want to hear.

I was ashamed.

And I didn't want
Natalie to know.

Okay.

Why don't you
Tell me what it's

Really been like
This last week.

Hell.

I have
Nothing to do.

There's one tv

And the group votes
On what crap they
Want to watch.

There's a piano that
No one can play.

They give us chores,
But it's make-work.

I'm not
Doing anything.

- so how do
You pass the time?
- walk the halls.

It's 9:00 a.M.

I pace,
Stare out the window.

Hours go by.

I think to myself,
"It must be getting
Close to lunchtime."

I look at the clock.

It's 9:15.

So when you stare
Out the windows,

What do you think about?

I think about how much
I could've already gotten done

If I still had my job.

You're used to being busy.

I can imagine it's...
It's a pretty difficult
Adjustment.

I can't adjust.

I'm not comfortable
Just wasting time.

That's something
That we might work on
While you're there.

( chuckles )
You want me to work
On wasting time?

No, what I mean is

Sometimes when people
Are hospitalized

The lack of day-to-day
Pressure can cause a relief.

It finally gives them
A chance to...

To contemplate.

I don't follow you.

Well, to reflect.

To reflect on what's
Come before,

What lies ahead.

I think you've been
Running so hard for so long

That you haven't had
The chance to check in

With yourself.

Natalie said
Something like that.

She said I should
"Listen to my inner voice."

I told her the last thing
You want to do if you're
In a nuthouse

Is start hearing voices.

When you walk the halls,
What do you find yourself
Thinking about?

I'm just anxious, paul.

I think about money.

I think about
My net-worth numbers.

They've gone down
Quite a bit.

But--

I think about is connie
Keeping up with the bills;

Is the car battery
Dead in the garage;

What happened to those...

Those poor kids

Who drank the formula?

I think about
Their families...

How they're
Coping with it.

About what's going on--

Do you think
About them often?

What do you think?

You said that you had some
Sessions with the staff...

"Shrink."

What did he
Talk about?

They want
To rehash the crisis,

The firing.
I keep saying, "Could you
Just read my file?"

And as you were
Retelling the story,

Can you remember
What emotions came up
For you?

Have you ever
Given a deposition?

You say
As little as possible
And wait for it to end.

You mentioned
That pandora's box
Had been opened.

So you've talked about
Some of those issues?

- like what?
- I don't know,

Your family history,
Your history with
The donaldsons,

Your anxiety about
Separation.

Not really.

They didn't ask,
I didn't tell.

Did they ask you
About the night you tried
To kill yourself?

Well, of course
They asked about that.
They had to, didn't they?

- yes, they did.
- I've been where they are.

We'd acquire
A company.

I'd go out there
For the visit.
( sighs )

The local manager
Would walk me
Through it:

How dedicated
Everyone was, how nothing
Needed to change.

And the whole time
He's making his pitch,
I'm running numbers.

They were
Emotionally involved.

I was there
To evaluate.

So these doctors,
You feel they're just
Making clinical evaluations?

They're just thinking about
How much to medicate me,

Or how much
Coverage I have.

Do you think they might
Be assessing anything else?

Whether I'll try it again.

That's what everybody's
Going to worry about
For the rest of my life.

Isn't it?

Do you want
To talk about that?

Pretty street
You live on.

I never noticed
That before.

Well, it's always
Been dark when
You've arrived.

It's nice to see
The spring come.

Now I have a chance
To plant my garden.

Smell the roses.

- can I ask you something?
- of course.

What would you have done
If you were me?

I've thought about that.

I can really understand...

What that pain was like,

How it must have
Seemed unbearable...

Without end.

And how, in that moment,
You thought you'd found
A solution...

A way out of a hopeless
Situation.

But, you know,

I think that the worst night
Of your life has passed, walter.

You've survived it.

You've been given
A second chance.

And the void that you felt--
Maybe the void that
You still feel

Can be filled
And that there's
A possibility of renewal.

You know,
I tried to fight it.

I kept telling myself,
"Snap out of it, walter.
Snap out of it."

I kept thinking that

I'd come up with some way
To stop feeling.

Stop feeling what?

To stop feeling.

Period.

I've always been able
To will myself out of bed.

Even if I was dead tired
Or sick,

I was always
Able to work.

- ring the bell, I answered.
- but not this time.

It's like...

There's the walter barnett
That I knew,

Who could stand up
To any pressure.

And then there's
This other walter

Who I never knew
Existed,

Who crumbled,

Who couldn't
Handle the pain.

These two walters,
One strong, the other weak--

Are there any other
Differences between them?

I don't know.

Like I said,
I don't know
This other one.

The other one you mean?
The one without a job?

You said anytime
The bell rang,
You answered.

Maybe part of the reason
You couldn't snap out of it
This time was because

For the first time
In your life

You weren't on call.
You weren't on duty.

- what do you mean?
- well, you pride yourself

Not just on your
Ability to work,

But on your ability
To work yourself beyond
The brink of exhaustion.

The first day
That you came in here,
You didn't even think

That your panic attacks
Were worth mentioning.

In the time
That I've known you,
Walter, I've never heard

You mention a hobby,
A day off, a night out.

- you met me
In the middle of a crisis.
- and my guess is,

Before this crisis there
Was another crisis and before
That there was another one.

And it stretches right back
To childhood, to vietnam,

- to the donaldsons,
To connie's rehab.
- connie's rehab?

What are you talking about?
I never said anything
About that.

No, you didn't,
But when I spoke to natalie
At the hospital--

She had no right to embarrass
Connie like that!

She wasn't trying
To embarrass connie, walter.

- she assumed
That you'd told me.
- why would I have done that?

Because that's what people
Do in therapy, walter.

They talk about
Their lives.

- if your wife has a problem
With substance abuse...
- substance abuse?!

It was
Chardonnays, paul.

And a few pills.
She's not a--

Connie is a great wife.

She made a fine home.
She took care
Of the kids.

She watched the home front
Like a hawk.

The problem started--

- it's my fault.
- what was your fault, walter?

I was away so much.
I was always traveling.

The doctors never
Understood what it was.

It was maybe
A hypoglycemia.

Or lyme disease,
Something chemical.

She gets in a mood
And she slides downhill.

And you were always
There to catch her.

I'd be halfway
Around the world.

I'd get a call from the boys
Or her mother.

I'd be
On the next flight back.

I've always been her rock.

Until now.

Now I've let her down.
I've let everyone down.

You're a human being.

I'm not supposed to malfunction,
Paul, that's for other people.

But not walter barnett.

He's a superman.

Isn't that what your wife
Used to call you?

That's just a--
That's just a figure of speech.

But it's
A pretty telling one.

You've been everyone's rock
Your entire life.

You make it sound like
That's something bad--

- to be responsible.
- no, I'm just wondering about
The toll that it's taken--

The pressure
Or maybe even the need
To always be the hero.

Need?
What--

- do you think I look for this?
- that's not what I meant.

You think I'm some kind of
Fireman who goes around setting
Fires so I can put them out?

- no, walter,
That's not the point.
- then what is your damn point?!

Come on, you know
Everything. Just tell me
What you fucking think.

I don't think you want
The crisis, walter.

But I do worry
You have no idea what to do
When you're not in one.

You're angry at yourself

For crumbling
Under this pressure.

But I'm really amazed that
You've held everything together
For as long as you did.

- thanks a lot.
- the walter you know

Has been on the front line
Since his brother died--

On call, taking care
Of everything,

Everybody,
Sleeping with one eye open.

But without a mountain
Of responsibility,

That walter
Is completely lost.

He doesn't know how
Not to be in charge.

He's forgotten how to play.

He can't just sit and be.

Maybe that's why you're
Climbing the walls
At the hospital.

Well, then
Get me out of there!

And if I did

What would happen
To the other walter?

What are you talking about?

The walter you said
You didn't know existed,

The little boy who had
His childhood taken away
From him

When he was six years old.

He's been sitting there
All this time

In the dark,
Scared half to death,

Hoping that somebody
Would notice him,

Maybe comfort him.

And maybe...
Maybe this is his chance.

And your chance

To find out
Who that boy is...

To reconnect with
A part of yourself

You've had to deny
Your entire life.

Am I making
Any sense to you?

You want me to connect
To that part of myself

That fell apart,
That crumbled under pressure?

Why would I do that?

Because, walter, I don't
Think that's the part
Of you that crumbled.

I think that's the part
Of you that wants to live.

( sobbing )
God...

Oh god, no.

I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.

( wailing )

( theme music playing )