Original subtitles

First of all, they're on your side

on the other side of that table. No

matter how,

you know, cold or even to some degree

rude they might be, they're on your side

for a single reason.

They have a problem they have to solve.

They have to cast this damn thing.

They've been sitting in this goddamn

room day after day after day and no one

has done it for them yet.

They want you to be good. They want you

to solve their problem because they'd

all rather go to lunch and drink wine.

There's no doubt that we walk into these

rooms and there's usually a a table

quite often. Sometimes there's four or

five people behind that table. It could

be, if it's a play, it could be a stage

manager, producer, director, maybe a

casting director, maybe two of them if

they're partners. Um, and they're

they're there.

They've been auditioning, you know, for

a couple of days and you're out in a

hallway and there's a whole bunch of

other actors that are either up for the

same part you're up for or up for the

brother or up for the sister or

whatever. You know, they're all out

there and everybody's there and you're

thinking, "Oh,

I'm not good. They don't want me. They

don't want me. They want someone else.

They want that guy."

You know, and particularly if you go to

auditions a lot, you see the same actors

at the same auditions, you know, over

and over.

So, you know, all of the elements that

we align ourselves before we walk

through that door to cut ourselves off

at the knees, before we even open our

mouths, we do. There's a lot of that

that goes on. We all do it. The thing

that's hard to remember sometimes is

that everybody behind that table,

no matter who they are, no matter what

position they might be in in the

industry,

they're just as ambitious as you are.

They all want to be somewhere else in a

year's time than where they are.

He wants to be directing bigger things,

better things. Stage manager wants to be

directing. Person getting coffee wants

to be the casting director. casting

director wants to be a producer.

Everybody wants to be somewhere else

just like you do. So, you're actually on

a much more level playing field than you

might at first imagine.

You know, sometimes it doesn't go well.

I used to do this thing.

My agent wasn't happy about it, but I

used to do this thing. And sometimes it

really worked where I would be in the

middle of the audition. I'd have my

sides and I'd be, you know, reading and

it just it just wasn't going well. And I

knew it wasn't going well. And so I

would occasionally do this thing where I

go, you know, whatever the lines were,

blah blah blah blah

blah blah blah.

I'm sorry.

Do you smell that? What?

Oh, it's me. I stink. I'm sorry. Could I

start again? Because that that was

really not good at all. A and weirdly

sometimes that would a get me another

reading of it and b a director would

then say you know actually try this or

sometimes I would before I'd start the

audition I would say something like um

so I've read it and I think I get it and

I have made a certain series of choices

I may be really in the forest so if I am

please feel free to lead me back to the

road and what you're doing there is

you're just opening yourself up to

saying I can be directed. I don't think

that every choice I've made here is the

best choice in the world. I'm not

entirely sure. And just by doing that,

just by opening that up, you actually

sometimes will get yourself another

reading because the director will say,

"That was interesting. I think I'd like

to try it again and do it." And now

you're in a conversation. You're in a

dialogue. You're in an ability. Are we

two people who can work together? Am I

an actor who can take direction? Will I

listen to what you say?

So, um I'm in this office with some

really cool office with uh all these

gold records and [ __ ] all around. And

I'm like this big shot record executive.

It's like I can do anything I want. I

mean, anything. I can call up musicians,

hook up with girls. I mean, whatever it

is I want to do, I can do. So, as I'm

sitting there deciding what it is I

want, I look over and Bob Marley walks

in. Bob Marley. Now, my dad, he's been

playing me Bob Marley records ever since

I was like a fetus. So, I know that this

is huge. And just as I'm deciding what

it is I'm going to say to him, he starts

um yelling at me and saying how I

screwed him out of all this money in

some record deal. And I'm trying to tell

him like, "No, you know, like I did not

do that. I'm not really even sure if

this is my office. I am just sitting

here, but I can't get it out. I cannot

even talk. And he is coming closer and

closer behind the desk to where I'm

sitting until he is like right in front

of me. And I'm really scared. But at the

same time, I can't get over how cool it

is that Bob Marley is actually talking

to me. And in the back of my head, I

know that he's dead. That just makes it

that much cooler. So, just as I'm

getting nervous that he's seriously

going to [ __ ] me up, I uh I look down

and I realize that I have a huge boner.

And um that freaks me out cuz I know I

should not get a boner in front of Bob

Marley. And if he sees it, it's going to

make him even matter. But you know what?

It's just happening.

There's nothing I can do about it.

So, uh, he looks down

and he sees my boner

and then he sort of smiles,

stops being mad like like he knows he is

the wrong guy

and then he turns around and walks out.

And uh, when I woke up,

I was wet.

So, yeah, that was it.

That was my first time. It was Bob

Marley, [ __ ]

Thank you.

Sit down.

Yes.

Uh, it's very interesting because as you

were doing the comedy piece, uh, I was

thinking to myself, how interesting

would this be if you did it seriously?

Okay.

Meaning absolutely flip it on its ear.

And so instead of it being because it's

very interesting you you fall into a lot

of traps when you do a comedy piece. I

don't know you. We've just met. But I

can tell you have a rhythm. You have a

you like the lines go down. on you. You

know, there's a certain kind of comedic

thing that you do and it's interesting

for a while and then it runs out of

steam and then it's like it's only about

the rhythm and your your comedic ability

and not about the person you're playing

or what he's saying or the character or

what he's going through. It's now about

comedy, which is why you call it the

funny piece. It's the way you think of

it. So, what I want to do is get the

mask. Where's a mask? Give me that one.

Yeah, that's a good one. Let's take this

mask.

I want you to start again. And this

time, I want you to stop

doing things rhythmically. I want you to

actually like find a word,

not be able to find a word,

searching for how to tell this story. It

isn't coming easily off your tongue.

It's the most difficult thing you've

ever had to explain to anyone.

So, even words like cool,

maybe you didn't know you were going to

say that word.

Maybe that's the only [ __ ] word you

could come up with because you don't

know how to describe this office.

Try it again.

So,

I'm in this office

this really

cool office

with all these um

gold records and [ __ ] all around.

I'm a big shot record executive.

It's like I can do anything I want.

I mean, anything.

I can call up musicians, hook up with

girls, whatever it is I want to do, I

can do.

As I'm sitting there deciding what it is

I want,

I look over and

Bob Marley walks in.

Bob Marley.

Dad's been playing me Bob Marley records

ever since I was like a baby. So, I know

that this is huge. Just as I'm deciding

what it is I'm going to say to him, he

starts yelling at me, saying I screwed

him out of all this money and some

record deal, and I'm trying to tell him

no.

Great. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Um,

when a director gives you a direction in

an audition,

sometimes they're giving you the

direction specifically to see whether

you take direction. You did not take my

direction either times I gave it to you.

You went right back to doing exactly

what you've been doing with or without

the mask on. A director gives you

direction for a reason. They want you to

change the what you're doing. They want

you to fundamentally go at it a

different way. No one will give you

direction that's from A to B.

There's no distance. We can't tell. They

want you to go from A to M

because then we can [ __ ] tell. Wow,

that actor really took that direction.

And sometimes I'll go through scripts

and really put a line through where I

think something shifts in the scene. And

there could be in one scene there could

be six lines through where I think

something happens here.

a discovery,

a piece of information,

a lie is told, something

moves the scene in a different direction

from this point on

and then from this point on, and you're

constantly trying to find where those

equators

exist. There are some quite obvious

clues that very often actors don't look

at.

The first one is the page number.

Usually, if you're given sides to a film

or a play, but certainly a film or

television, there will be page numbers.

The page numbers are a clue. If someone

gives you a sides and it's page 4

through 8, it's very early in the

telling of the story.

If someone gives you some another scene

and it's page 69 through 75,

that's that's more than halfway through

the script.

So, you have to just sort of think about

what does that mean in terms of the

information I'm getting from what the

characters are saying to each other. And

maybe it's the same characters in two

different scenes. Maybe it's obviously

the character you're auditioning for and

a different character in both scenes. So

you have to try to figure out who those

characters are. And the other thing

that's often not looked at is sometimes

you'll get sides and on the top they've

crossed out the scene that happens

before because you're just doing the

scene that's underneath. Read that scene

above.

Study that scene above because it might

be full of clues.

Not just about the scene you're about to

do, but about the whole film, the

television show, whatever it is. Read

that scene. If there's anything crossed

out, study that, too, because that's

full of clues.

If the only time you work at your craft,

this craft that you have dedicated your

life to,

but more often than not are focused on

your career

and stage managing that instead of

working on your craft. If the only time

you're working on your craft is when you

have an audition and as we all know you

generally don't really get your audition

until like the couple of days before and

then you might not even get anything but

sides and you might not even get sides

until the day. And so how much

preparation can you really be doing on

your craft even for your auditions? And

the answer is you walk into an audition

and you're pretty [ __ ] unpolished,

ungreased,

unprepared.

So, do you think that the only time that

Andy Murray works on his tennis game is

when he has a match?

No.

He practices. He practices. He

challenges. Too many actors think that

they're so talented and that they have

so much innate ability that they can

just wing it.

How many of Yeah.

H how many of us have left auditions and

had what I like to call the elevator

conversation with yourself? [ __ ] Should

have [ __ ]

should have said this. I should have

prepared more. I should have worked on

it more. I should have. I should have. I

should have. Well,

these are choices.

And so if the choice is

I'm going to at least try to see a play

once a month. I'm at least going to try

to go read a play that I heard about.

I'm at least going to go to the public

library and read a great classic play

that I've never read. I'm at least gonna

go on Netflix and [ __ ] watch an

extraordinary Spencer Tracy movie or

Henry Fonda movie or

House of Cards. What

um at least I'm going to engage

in the craft

so that my muscles don't become

atrophied.

Because when we do that, when we allow

ourselves to only work at our craft when

we might have an audition, then at the

end of the month, you might say to

yourself, did I get any of those jobs? H

I didn't get those two jobs that I had,

which was the only two times that I

worked on my craft in the whole month.

Maybe there's a reason I didn't get

those jobs. Maybe I wasn't able to walk

into that room and own that room.

my one of my worst auditions

and this, you know, will give you a

sense of my level even when I was

starting out, uh, of not giving a [ __ ]

Um, because I went in for an audition

for a commercial, for a FedEx

commercial, right? And so the whole idea

of the commercial was that a guy was

walking up the steps of the post office

in Washington DC, which I think is like

uh 50 or steps or 75 steps. It's a long

way to get up to the post office to mail

a package. And halfway through he

decides it's easier to send it FedEx. So

that's the whole premise of the

commercial. So, I go into this casting

director who was very, very, very

important, very, very well-known, very,

very wellrespected casting director in

New York City who I had never met

before.

So, so I go in, my agents get me this

audition. They're so excited that I have

this audition because this is like a

serious, this is like not just one ad,

it's like the guy for a series of ads

they're going to do. So, I do the

reading, whatever it is. I can't

remember the dialogue in it, but I I do

the reading and the woman, she's looking

at me and she goes,

"I just don't think you're nebulous

enough."

And I said, "Nebulous?

I I don't think that's the what you

mean." She said, "Excuse me?"

I said, "No, I think nebulous is a

cloudlike airy substance, but maybe you

mean nebish, like a Woody Allen type.

And she stared at me for a really long

time and said, "No, I mean nebulous."

And I said, "Well, you don't know what

that word means then."

So anyway, I remember uh my agent

calling me later and saying, "What the

[ __ ] did you do?"

So I didn't get that job, oddly enough.