Original subtitles

[all humming]

[speaking Minionese]

♪ La, la, la, la, la, la La, la, la, la ♪

[speaking Minionese]

[exclaims]

[both sigh]

And the puree function is perfect for blending power shakes.

[blender whirring]

-[gulping] -[audience gasping]

Wow, Barb! That's banana-licious!

[speaking Minionese]

Ah! Blender.

[Barb] Barb's Blenders, just $19.95.

Smoothie! Paracetamol!

[all exclaiming]

Uh. [grunting]

[speaking Minionese]

Uh. [sobs]

[gasps]

Thank you, ma'am.

Moola! [chuckles]

[grunts]

[engine starts]

[minions laughing]

[whistle blowing]

[minions straining]

Stop!

[speaking Minionese]

[Kevin] Uh. Hello.

Hello, boys, what can we do for ya?

[speaking Minionese]

Did they just ask to shave your cat?

-[gasps] -[screeching]

[speaking Minionese]

Oh, yes…

[speaking gibberish]

[snoring]

Well, I don't have my hearing aids in, so whatever he said is fine.

[all cheering]

-[engine starts] -[grunts]

[giggles, yells]

[yelling]

-[gasps] -[water gurgling]

Uh… Hello.

[water running]

Hello!

[grunts]

[shouting in Minionese]

[yelping]

[groans]

[blowing whistle]

[blower whirring]

[yelps]

[yelling in Minionese]

-[blower whirring] -[screaming]

[speaking Minionese]

[explosion]

[groaning]

[both speaking Minionese]

[blows whistle]

[both cackling]

Huh?

-[blower whirrs] -[both screaming]

[blows whistle]

[speaking Minionese]

[water rushing]

[groaning]

[water rushing]

[grunting]

[dog whimpering]

[gasps]

[howling]

-[screaming] -[blower whirring]

[grunts]

-[bees buzzing] -[screaming]

[groaning]

[water rushing]

[grunting]

[cracking]

[yells]

[speaking Minionese]

Boom!

[breathing heavily]

Huh? [speaking Minionese]

[screaming]

[blower blows]

[both laughing]

-[all laughing] -[woman 1 yelps]

[laughter continues]

[woman 2] Chins up, fellas.

We haven't laughed this hard since Gertrude took up rollerblading.

[Gertrude yelping]

-[crashing] -[laughing]

Here you go.

Two thousand shiny pennies for a hootenanny of a show.

[minions cheering]

[minions chanting] Blender! Blender! Blender!

Come back anytime.

[Barb on TV] Do you like power shakes,

but are tired of pushing all those buttons?

[minions] Yeah.

Then you need Barb's new and improved blender.

-It does all the button-pushing for you. -[minions gasp]

Barb's Blender, just $142.95.

[all chanting] Blender! Blender! Blender!

Blender!

Mmm.

[laughing]

Huh? Aww!

Uh, uh… [passes wind]

[both chuckle]

-[lion roars] -[screams]

[crying]

-Psst. -Hmm.

[slurps]

[train engine chugging]

[grunting]

Ha-ha!

[people gasping]

-[giggles] -[Mel] Help!

Super Gidget, it's the squirrels! They got Max! [sobs]

-[Max yelps] -[brakes screech]

Gidget, help! Ah. Help!

[gasps]

[laughs diabolically]

[Max] Help!

I'll save you, Max.

[panting]

[all gulping]

[squirrels screaming]

[grunting]

Hmm.

-[thunder rumbling] -Ugh! [groans]

[lightning cracking]

[gasps, whimpers]

[Infestor] Ah! Super Gidget,

so nice of you to join us.

[Super Gidget] Max!

How could you?

You are a bad, bad dog!

[Infestor] Oh, I'm no dog.

[cackling]

I am Infestor, master of mind control,

and I am taking over every dog in the city!

[gasps]

Including your precious Max!

[both yell]

[both grunting]

Hey! Okay, that does it!

Activate Super Sparkle Rainbow!

Huh?

[yelps]

[cackles]

[gasps, screams]

[grunts]

[Super Gidget] Max?

[Infestor laughs, grunts]

[Infestor] Ha! Checkmate!

[gasps]

You'd never hurt your true love.

Get ready to play dead!

[Super Gidget] Sorry,

but I don't know that trick.

-[vacuum whirring] -[screaming]

[Infestor] Oh, no! No! No!

[screaming]

[groans]

[Infestor] Ow.

[exhales]

Super Gidget, you're incredible.

Just doing what I do. [giggles]

[Infestor grunting]

[grunts]

[Infestor] I regret nothing!

[Super Gidget giggles]

[moans]

[Infestor cackles]

I'm back!

Don't worry, Max. I got this.

[panting and grunting]

[grunts, mumbles]

[exhales]

Huh. What was all that about?

[gasps] Maybe she's got fleas.

[panting]

[Kevin chuckles]

[speaking Minionese]

[whoops]

[both grunting]

Bob!

[panting]

[grunting]

[chuckles nervously]

[bird screeching]

[minion speaking Minionese]

[blows]

[continues speaking Minionese]

-[laughing] -[speaking Minionese]

[sheriff] What are you two doing?

This equipment is not here for your own personal amusement.

No, no, no!

-[gasps] -[laughing]

[grunting angrily]

Let's see how funny you clowns are after a month on the chain gang.

Uh, sí, sí. Okay.

[blows raspberry]

-Booyah! -Hey!

[both speaking Minionese]

[minions chattering]

Hmm.

[both yelling]

-[guard] Hey! Hey, you! Hey, stop! -[minions yelling]

-[whooping] -[yelling]

[yelling]

-[prisoner grunts] -[minion yells]

[sirens wailing]

[grunting]

[speaking Minionese]

Uh, no.

-Uh, no. Ah. -[toy squeaks]

-[both speaking Minionese] -Hmm?

[groans]

[siren wails]

[police officers] Freeze!

["Bama Lama, Bama Loo" playing]

[minions laughing]

-[whooping] -[yelling]

All units, we need backup!

[speaking Minionese]

[prisoner groaning]

[siren wailing]

[sheriff] Go, go, go!

[screams]

[prisoner chuckles]

[sirens wailing]

[speaking Minionese]

Hey! Whoa!

-[laughing] -[grunts and yells]

[groans]

[man] Go, go, go!

-Freeze! -[minion speaking Minionese]

[screaming]

Huh? [grunting]

[both screaming]

[screams distorting]

-[grunts] -[minions yelling]

[both mumbling weakly]

[all panting]

[speaking Minionese] Oh!

-[train horn blowing] -[gasping]

-[whimpering] -[prisoner grunting]

[both speaking Minionese]

Oh, no!

[whimpering]

-[minion screaming] -[chuckles]

[screaming]

[both screaming]

[gasping]

-[engines revving] -[sirens wailing]

-Huh? -[whimpering]

[speaking Minionese]

[both straining]

[laughing]

[speaks Minionese] "No, no, no!"

-[helicopter whirring] -Ouch!

-[both gasp] -[prisoner panting]

[siren wailing]

[both laughing]

Uh-oh. [gasps]

[whimpering, speaking Minionese]

-[yelling, panting] -[tires screech]

[man] Get 'em, get 'em, get 'em!

[all gasping]

What the…

[whimpering]

-[sheriff] Get 'em! -Go! Go! Go!

[speaks Minionese]

-[both whooping] -No!

[whooping and laughing]

-[grunts] -[laughing]

-Huh? -Uh…

[chuckles nervously]

[sirens wailing]

[minion sighs, speaks Minionese]

[playing rock music]

Go, go, go, go, go! Come on, come on, come on.

Yeah! Whoo-hoo!

Level 43! Whoa!

Whoa. Okay, head rush.

[announcer on TV] Hey, there! Do you still live with your parents,

eat junk food and have inflatable furniture?

[scoffs] Idiot.

-You probably think I'm an idiot. -What?

But I'm Garry "The Winner" Wishmann.

Send me $99.95

and I'll send you my patented earphones of enlightenment.

There, I'll guide you personally from chump to champion in one week.

Whereupon, you'll receive an official graduation certificate.

-[knock at door] -Oh, please.

What kind of lame-wad would need that?

For you, sir.

-Wait, what? Who sent this? -[on intercom] Your mother!

[screams] Mom, you know I scare easily.

Now, you must complete the course and bring me the graduation certificate,

or I'm kicking you out.

I just ordered new curtains.

One week, darling. Bye, Eddie.

[sighs]

[scoffs] This is so stupid.

[Wishmann over headphones] "This is so stupid."

-Huh? -That's what you're thinking.

But now's not the time to think,

now's the time to begin your transformation.

First, you gotta organize your exterior before you can organize your interior.

Next, remove all distractions.

Bye, little buddy.

-[Wishmann] Wake up! -[gasping]

Now that we've cleaned your outside, it's time to clean your inside.

[exclaims, spits]

[snoring]

Ah!

Mmm…

Mmm, don't even have to chew it.

-[Wishmann] Up and at 'em! -[gasping]

I'm awake, I'm awake. What now?

It's time to get physical!

[music playing]

[panting] Physical.

Sorry. Trying to dance in here.

Ah! Excuse me.

Ow! [grunts]

[yelling]

-[Wishmann] Rise and shine! -Yes, Garry.

It's time to kick it up a notch.

Kick it up a notch.

[muffled upbeat music playing]

[Wishmann] Way to go!

The week is over

and the graduation certificate is as good as yours…

I did it! I'm a winner!

…as soon as you send me an additional $99.95.

What? But I did everything you said.

I ate kale. You know how hard it was to eat kale?

You owe me a certificate! Do you hear me?

["Thunder In Your Heart" playing]

[grunts loudly]

♪ 'Cause there's thunder in your heart ♪

♪ Every move is like lightning ♪

♪ And you hit the mark with your hand on the wall you've been striking ♪

-I, uh… -Listen, Wishmann.

I need that certificate.

-Okay, so here's-- -[woman] Garry!

Stop playing those video games and go clean the pool!

Yes, Mother.

You're Garry "The Winner" Wishmann?

It's just, it's just Garry.

I've been treating you like my lord and master.

Sorry, the whole commercial was my mom's idea.

She's like, "Get some ambition, or I'm kicking you out."

Dude, we're living the same life.

Wait a minute.

Is that the original edish of Diamonds of Greyfork?

Hey, dog, thanks for the certificate.

My mom, like, totally framed it.

My mom won't get off my back.

Just tell her we're flowers waiting to blossom.

Like we are about to blossom…

[both] Into level 43!

-Yes! -Yeah!

[announcer on TV] Are you a flower waiting to blossom?

Are your parents on your back and can't get them off?

Then I can help.

-[scoffs] Idiot. -Idiot.

[minions speaking Minionese]

Go, go.

[speaking Minionese]

Okay.

[all speaking Minionese]

Aah! [speaks Minionese]

[electricity buzzing]

[minions cheering]

[speaks Minionese]

[minion humming]

[chuckles] No, no, no, no.

[mumbling]

[speaks Minionese, grunts]

[laughs, speaks Minionese]

[scoffs]

[grunts]

Whoo-hoo!

[grumbles]

[chuckles]

[speaks Minionese, laughs]

[sighs]

[speaks Minionese]

Ah!

Oh. [chuckles]

[grunting]

[speaks Minionese]

-[speaks Minionese] -[bell dings]

[grunting]

[both grunting]

Huh? Ah.

[both grunting]

[grunts in frustration]

[speaks Minionese]

Oh. Okay.

[chuckles]

[gasps]

-Ow! -[chuckles]

[speaks Minionese]

[laughs, speaks Minionese]

[both grunting]

[grunting weakly]

[chuckles]

[speaks Minionese]

[screams]

-[explosion] -[laughs exultantly]

[speaks Minionese]

-[laughs] -[grunts]

[both whooping]

[screaming]

[laughing]

[gasps]

[both screaming]

[both panting]

[chuckles]

Yah! Yah!

[grunting]

-[screams] -[gasps]

[both screaming]

[muffled explosion]

[groans]

[grunting]

Phil. Phil.

[gasps]

[speaks Minionese]

[grunts, chuckles]

Huh?

[clangs]

-Huh? -[chuckles]

[all grunting]

[speaks Minionese]

[Bob] Minions!

[minion 1] Oh, the Grinch!

-[exclaims] -[minion 2] Lorax! Lorax!

-[Bob exclaiming excitedly] -[minion 1] Oh, Snowball!

[all exclaiming]

[minion 1 reading]

[romantic music playing]

[gasps]

[grunts] Huh?

[speaking other language]

[whoops]

[Bar-ba-loots speaking]

[whoops]

[sighs]

[gasps]

[giggles]

Hmm.

[singing]

Huh?

[grunts]

[singing]

[giggling]

-[grunts] -[singing]

[whistles]

[Swomee Swans singing]

[singing]

Ow!

[Humming Fish singing]

[singing]

[Swomee Swans singing]

[rapping]

-[horn blows] -[squawks]

[singing]

[rapping]

[singing]

[chorus singing]

[speaking Minionese]

[giggling]

[speaking Minionese]

[gasping]

-[screaming] -[speaking Minionese]

Okay.

-[Bob speaks Minionese] -[chuckles]

[Bob grunting]

Stuart.

Hmm? Okay.

-[balloon pops] -[screaming, groans]

[Bob] Illumiation.

[groans]

-[speaking gibberish] -[baby cooing]

[stomach grumbling]

[crying]

Oh.

[both] Huh?

Ah.

Aah.

-Nah! -[whimpering]

[gulps, burps]

-[baby crying] -[yelling]

-[exclaims excitedly] -Huh?

[both slurp]

-[cooing] -[baby giggling]

[grunting]

-Okay. -[grunts]

[baby giggles]

-[cooing in Minionese] -[exclaims excitedly]

Huh.

-[baby grunts] -[yelling]

-[screaming] -[baby giggling]

[speaking Minionese]

[screaming]

Huh.

Hmm.

[baby grunting]

[laughing]

[baby yells]

-[laughing] -[baby grunting]

[minions yelling]

[both] Oh?

-[speaking Minionese] -[whimpering]

-[laughing] -[gasps]

[yelling]

[exclaiming in Minionese]

[bird squawking]

-Oh, no. -[whimpering]

[bird squawking]

[grunting]

Ha.

[gasps]

[grunting]

[both scream]

No, no, no, no, no, no!

-Ah! -[squawking]

[eggs cracking]

[cooing]

[squawking]

[minions screaming]

[bird gasps]

[yelling]

[minions screaming]

[minions grunt]

[minions groaning]

[breathing heavily]

[both scream and whimper]

[chuckles nervously]

[grunts]

[baby cooing]

[baby giggling]

[grunting]

Okay. [grunts]

[slurping]

[minions straining]

Mmm.

[speaking Minionese]

[both grunting]

[baby slurping]

[both] Huh?

[burps]

[both gasp]

[speaking Minionese]

-[minions whimper] -Huh?

[cooing]

Huh?

[grunting angrily]

[minions screaming]

[laughing]

-[bird squawking] -[whimpers]

[baby yelling]

[Truffula tree puffs]

[minion giggles]

[speaks Minionese]

Ah. Ah.

[laughs excitedly]

Yippee! [laughs]

Thank you.

[hooves clopping]

Whoa!

[whinnies]

Guys, sorry, this is a precision machine, okay?

So, no joyrides.

You can sit on the wagon, but it better not move an inch.

Uh-uh.

-[both chuckling] -Ya! Ya! Ya!

[snorts]

[huffs]

Ya!

Whoo-hoo!

-Ya! Ya! -Whoo!

[both laughing]

[huffs]

Ya!

[both groan]

[wagon creaking]

[both screaming]

[whinnying]

[grunting]

[screams]

Yay!

[whinnying]

[screams]

[groans]

[screams]

[wind whistling]

Well, what do you know? You followed instructions.

Thanks for keeping an eye on the wagon. Appreciate it.

[sneezes]

[chuckles]

[grunts in anger]

[giggling]

[exclaims excitedly]

[giggles]

[panting]

[exclaims]

[minions grunting]

Whoo-hoo! [giggles] Huh?

[whimpering] Buddies?

[crying]

[panting] Bob. [speaks Minionese]

[speaks Minionese]

Ah.

[Bob sighs]

[alarm blaring]

Nelson family, another fun and successful robbery!

[all] Yay!

Binky, take that priceless artifact out of your mouth.

-You don't know where it's been. -[whimpers]

Walter, have you seen Binky's pacifier?

Jeepers Christmas, Madge, we may have left it behind in the museum.

Gosh, Binky, I hate to say it, but that pacifier's gone.

Maybe it's time to be a big boy.

[sighs]

[suckling]

[retching]

You're never getting me back, Binky.

I've moved on.

[gasps]

Hmm…

[giggling]

[horse neighing on TV]

[gasps]

[shrieking]

[giggles]

[blows]

[beeps]

-[giggles] Huh? -[alarm beeps]

Phew.

-[alarm blaring] -Huh?

Hmm.

[sighing]

Huh?

[gasps] Yeah!

[giggles excitedly]

Well, well, well, what do we have here?

[gasps]

Hold the… What in the…

Wait a minute. You robbed the museum.

Nah-uh, baby-face, you ain't going anywhere

till you give me that junk back.

[laughing]

Give me your best shot.

Ha! You missed.

Give me… the art back…

now.

[chuckles]

[gasps]

No, no, no, no, no, no!

[exclaiming]

Honey, Walter, I just wanna check on Binky.

[yawning]

He's my favorite.

You see, Madge, he's forgotten all about that pacifier.

Oh…

They grow up so fast.

We're great parents.

[Walter] Top 10, Madge, top 10.

[door closes]

[giggles]

[suckling]

[speaks Minionese]

[exclaims excitedly]

[laughing]

-[speaking Minionese] -[electricity buzzing]

-[explosion] -[both grunt]

[groans]

Stuart! Yoo-hoo! Stuart!

[Stuart groans]

[buzzer buzzes]

[speaks Minionese]

Ah.

-[video game chiming] -Huh?

Ken? [speaks Minionese]

[groans]

[grunts]

Yes!

Ah.

[speaks Minionese]

[groans, mocking]

[buzzer buzzes]

Ah.

[groans]

Ah.

[grunts]

Yahoo! [exclaims]

[laughs]

-[rumbling] -[video game chiming]

Hmm?

Huh?

Huh?

[grunts in frustration] Ken!

[speaks Minionese]

[exclaims]

[laughing]

[gasps]

-[continues laughing] -[Mike grunting]

-[growling] -[gasps]

[growling]

[screams]

[grunting]

-[grunts] -[gasps]

[speaks Minionese]

[buzzer buzzes]

[whimpers softly]

[gasps]

[gasps]

Huh?

Hmm.

-[video game chiming] -[speaks Minionese]

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[gasps, grunting frantically]

[Ken chuckling]

[speaking Minionese]

[Ken laughing]

[gasping]

[laughing]

[speaks Minionese]

[laughing hysterically]

[buzzer buzzes]

[mewling]

[gasps]

[Ken exclaims]

No, no, no, no, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

No! [panting]

[buzzer buzzes]

[speaks Minionese]

[both grunting]

-[exclaims] -[growls]

[exclaims and screams]

Mike!

-[groans] -Oh, Mike.

[speaking Minionese]

-[mewling] -Aww. [chuckles]

[cooing]

Huh?

[speaks Minionese]

Phew.

[both] Huh?

[kittens growling]

[both screaming]

There. Ah.

[speaks Minionese]

Uh, are you sure this is going to work?

[screams]

[exclaiming]

Whoa!

[exclaiming]

[screams]

[gasps]

[speaks Minionese]

[reading]

[screams]

[doorbell rings]

Yo, yo, yo!

Shh! I just put the kids to bed.

Gunter, it's so great you offered to do this, buddy.

I insist to, Rosita.

I'm known as, like, the very best babysitter.

Are you sure you're okay with this?

This will be as easy as dusselberry pie.

I will prove to you, okay? Trust Gunter.

I'm having second thoughts.

Go, go, go, it will be, like, totally fine.

[squeaks]

Shh…

-[cell phone ringing] -[gasps] Oh, no.

I forgot to say we'll be home by 9:00.

If there's any problem at all, just call me.

[whispering] Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Goodbye now.

-[sighs, gasps] -Where's Mommy?

Hello, tiny piglet.

Mommy will be back soon.

Uncle Gunter is here in the meantime,

so go back to sleep. [chuckles nervously]

Can I have some candy?

No, no, no. You must go back to sleeping, okay?

Pretty please?

Hmm. Okay, okay.

I give you one piece, and then the bedtime.

Oh, no! [gasps]

Okay, all right…

[all] Candy!

Don't, please!

[chomping]

[screams]

Don't! Now is the time for the sleeping.

[piglets laughing]

Please, piggies, beddy-bye time.

[yelling excitedly]

[grunting]

[piglets clamoring]

My tongue is warm.

Mmm.

He's gonna call Mommy!

I didn't want to have to do this.

["Pump Up the Jam" playing]

[all gasp]

♪ A-pump it, pump it… ♪

Okay.

Now, follow along with Uncle Gunter.

We dance all your energies out now!

♪ Pump up the jam, pump it up ♪

♪ While your feet are stompin' ♪

♪ And the jam is pumpin' ♪

♪ Look ahead… ♪

Follow the piggy piper.

♪ I don't want a place to stay ♪

♪ Get your booty on the floor tonight ♪

♪ Make my day ♪

Try as you might, you can't deny the power of the beat.

[all panting]

[piglet] I'm tired.

Yeah!

Bedtime.

But I'm not tired. [groans]

Hurry! [gasps]

[panting]

-Oh! Here we go. -[snoring]

[gasps]

[panting]

Wow. Gunter, I have to admit I'm impressed.

Yeah. I told you,

-it's easy as dusselberry pie. -[snoring]

[grunts]

[chuckling]

Same time next week?

♪ Pump up the jam, pump it up ♪

♪ A-pump it up, yo, pump it ♪

♪ Pump up the jam, pump it up ♪

♪ A-pump it up, yo, pump it ♪

♪ Pump up the jam, pump it Pump it, pump it, pump it ♪