Original subtitles

Hello, my name is Marcus Templeton, and I'd like to show you how I spent my

entire life savings in less than two weeks.

I don't have a dime left.

They repossessed my car yesterday.

I've got to move out by the 31st.

I'd do it again.

Last. Bastard.

160. Area 5 secure.

Nice talking to you.

I don't know why I have to check this parking lot every night.

My car is the only one that's ever here.

Tastes like a salty pile of grease.

No wonder I have health problems.

What I need is a real meal.

My heart is bound to explode if I keep eating like this I

hope I'm asleep when it happens

Too bad staring at it won't make it rain.

This is ridiculous.

The only people I come in contact with are the dispatcher at work who I've

seen and the guy upstairs who I've never seen.

I think this is how people go nuts.

I've got to have some human contact.

I could go buy something at the store.

Those people have to talk to you.

No, that's pathetic.

I'll call someone.

A girl. Maybe go out on a date.

Hello?

Hi, how are you?

Who is this?

Marcus. Marcus Templeton.

We went out a couple of weeks ago.

That Darkyard guy?

That's right. How have you been?

I'm okay.

Well, I just thought I'd call and see how you were doing since I never heard

from you.

I never thought I'd call.

Well, I know. I just... So, how have you been doing?

Fine, but I'm really kind of busy right now.

Oh, okay.

I'll let you go. I was just hoping we could get together again sometime.

Um, I don't know.

We just went out.

That was weeks ago.

Yeah, but I don't know.

Things didn't really work out that well, you know?

I had a wonderful time. I was really looking forward to seeing you again.

To be honest, I don't know if I want to go out with you again.

Well, if we're ever going to make this relationship work.

Relationship? Come on.

We went out on one lousy date and you call that a relationship?

Look, you're making too much out of it.

I don't want to hurt your feelings, but be realistic.

Not every date works out.

Well, it's not like I'm asking you to marry me.

I just want to go out sometime.

Don't call me anymore.

I have such a headache, and my wrist hurts.

I wish I could safely pull out my heart and massage it.

I wonder if I'm too young to have a heart attack.

Ah, I hope I left that filth mag in the car.

Friends, when was the last time you looked into the mirror and felt good

what you saw there? I mean really good.

Well, I don't know of anyone except maybe models and movie stars who doesn't

feel the need to improve their appearance.

And friends, I'm not talking about cosmetic surgery that costs thousands of

dollars. I'm not talking about some crazy new fat diet that doesn't take off

single pound.

I'm talking about a scientific breakthrough that many of us have waited

years. That's right, a scientific breakthrough called Reduso Cream.

Now you're probably asking yourself, Bob, what in the world is new Reduso

and how does it work?

Well, friends, Reduzo Cream is a secret scientific compound that melts fat right

off your body, and I'm here to tell you it really, really works.

You simply rub Reduzo Cream on a part of your body you want to rid of fat,

whether it's your stomach area, thighs, buttocks, or whatever, and within days,

you're going to see a dramatic reduction in the amount of fat you once had.

Now, I know some of you are saying, okay, Bob, you've convinced me that

Cream really works, but is it safe?

Friends, Reduso cream is as safe as any garden vegetable.

It contains no artificial dyes or colors and is not harmful in any way. So why

not stop in at your favorite drugstore and say, I want to try new Reduso cream.

That's got to be some kind of gimmick.

Nothing could really melt that off.

Something like that would be worth a fortune.

I wonder how much it cost.

How old is this picture?

Only a few years.

I look great then.

What in the world happened to me?

I know everybody gets older, but guys like Robert Redford are older than me

they still look great.

Can a few extra pounds really change a person's face that much?

I never had any trouble meeting women when I looked like this.

Were they really just interested in physical appearance?

My chin is being swallowed up by the abyss once known as my neck.

Nice day, huh?

Yeah.

Are you the security guard for this complex?

No. I work across town.

Are you just now going to work?

Just getting home.

It's not the greatest schedule in the world, but it leaves me plenty of time

other things.

Such as?

Oh, writing.

Things like that.

You're a writer?

I try.

I'd like to be one.

What do you write about?

Killing young girls and hiding their bodies in your apartment?

What do you mean?

You look like a serial killer.

It was here that the murder street came to an end, if only temporarily.

The suspect, hearing the sirens of police cars responding to a disturbance

several blocks away, fled down this alley and disappeared.

It was only after the bodies were discovered the next day that police

they had been in the same area as the multiple murderer known as the Side

Slasher.

say witnesses described the man they saw running that night, and he does indeed

fit earlier descriptions of the slasher.

He is said to be approximately 30 to 35 years of age, a stocky or heavyset man,

about 5 '8", and about 200 to 220 pounds.

He has short dark hair and a mustache.

He has been seen as far east as Decatur, Illinois, and as far west as Greeley,

Colorado.

Great. I really do look like a serial killer.

Just in time.

I wonder if anyone would really come to check on me if I didn't turn that key at

the right time.

It's probably just a trick to make sure I'm not sleeping in my car.

Someday I'll see what happens when I don't check in.

Oh well.

At least this is better than my last job, changing those aromatic urinal

Wow, can I talk to you in the same way?

Try it.

Okay, well, let me think of something.

You look very nice floating in your tank.

Why, thank you.

Well, I'll be. It worked.

Certainly. Just as I said it would.

Well, now that we're communicating, I feel I should get dressed.

What are you doing?

Oh, why does she have to get dressed? It's just a brain.

I can't believe this brain has a girlfriend and I'm sitting here by

Oh, yes, Angela.

Oh, yes.

Goddamn set the right way.

Dad.

What are you doing watching this monster movie crap anyway? How old are you?

Dad, how can...

Am I going insane?

I hope I'm just drunk.

You think you've got troubles.

I just saw my dad in the middle of a brain movie.

I hope this headache doesn't get as bad as the last one.

I hope it's not that guy upstairs who keeps leaving these things for me.

I wonder if anyone can see in here.

What the hell?

I wonder if he's been yanking on his dick.

I used to cry afterwards sometimes.

Or was it before?

Omaha Cable.

Hello. I was just wondering if you give out the list of people who subscribe to

the adult channel.

All customer records are confidential.

So no one would know if I'm watching Cable X?

No, sir. All customer information is confidential.

Okay. Thanks.

Thank you for calling Omaha Cable.

There's just one thing to do.

I'll keep an eye on the door all night and see for myself who's leaving those

flyers.

Hello?

Hello. How's it going?

Who is this?

Marcus Templeton, the security guard.

Oh.

I was wondering if you wanted to meet me for lunch tomorrow?

Well, I... There's a Sinclair station near your house that has sandwiches on

sale for $1 .49.

How does that sound?

I think I'd have.

I wonder if she's still mad at me because I asked her to be my date for my

grandmother's funeral.

Uh oh.

Some of these sound kind of familiar.

I hope I don't drive my vehicle through the front of a cafeteria.

What, this?

You've got enough lard on your ass for six people.

What the hell is wrong with you?

Nothing. I just need a little bit more exercise.

It's got to be more than that.

You been sick a lot lately?

Not really.

Oh, man, are you sure?

You must have cancer or something.

Dad, I don't have cancer. Don't say that.

You better get checked out, boy.

God damn.

Come on, Dad.

Maybe I do have cancer.

I wonder if that causes difficulty in achieving an erection.

I thought I was having trouble because of my weight, but how can you tell if

have it?

Oh, I don't have cancer.

I just need to lose some weight.

I guess it's a good thing fat guys never get laid.

It's hard enough achieving an erection when you're alone.

We breed and populate this world like ants, occupying buildings,

turning lights on and off, banished to an exile in

hell.

I will not

yank on my dick again.

until I have a real woman.

This I vow.

Oh, man.

I think that guy's staring at us.

Are you sure?

Yes, I think he's looking at my legs.

You want me to say something to him?

No, let's just go.

Huh. Wonder what spooked him.

Uh -huh.

This has got to be phony.

How could a corset get rid of your double chin?

Oh my god, I no longer have a chin.

Maybe I've been looking at too many women in magazines and on TV.

I bet I could achieve an erection if I had a real girl in front of me.

The question is how to find one.

I wish you could just look up a number and call.

Hmm, a lot of these say 24 hours.

I hope it doesn't cost more if you call in the middle of the night.

Hello?

Hi, I saw your ad in the paper and I was wondering about your prices.

Are you interested in an alcohol?

What's that?

That's where I come over to your house.

Which costs less, an in -call or an out -call?

Costs the same, baby.

$150 for an hour.

How much for a half hour?

I don't do half hours.

Okay, can I think about it and call you back?

Sure.

For $150, she better look like Marilyn Monroe.

Yeah, I was calling about your ad.

One girl or two?

How much for two girls?

$3 .54.

Do the women look very good?

We got no dogs here, buddy.

Okay, let me think about it.

Hi, how much for an out call?

$175 per hour.

Do you do half hours?

No, hon, an hour's the minimum.

Would you be willing to come over for, say, $100?

This is not the bargain basement, dear. I'm strictly Saks Fifth Avenue.

Well, what do you look like?

I'm gorgeous, or I wouldn't ask for $175 an hour.

Would it cost less if I came to your location?

Same price.

How much do you charge to spend the whole night?

$1 ,700.

Isn't there any way you can come down a little? This isn't a rescue mission. I'm

not doing this for charity.

$1 ,700 for one night.

You should be able to disembowel them for that kind of money.

Hi, I saw your ad and was wondering if you did half -hour sessions?

Well, not usually. Where do you live?

Grant Mayfield.

Oh, yeah? I'm not too far from there.

How much would you charge to come over for a half -hour?

A hundred bucks.

Is there any way you could do it for, say, 75?

Well, ordinarily I wouldn't drive anywhere for less than a hundred, but

been a really slow night. Okay.

Oh, boy. How soon can you get here?

Well, first you've got to give me your number so I can call you back to verify

everything.

Okay. That's Marcus Templeton, 755 -8919.

Okay. I'll call you back in a minute and get directions.

All right.

Bye.

Oh boy, oh boy. I hope she can get right over here.

I wonder if I should get dressed.

Yeah, I wouldn't want to scare her.

This is kind of expensive, but it'll be worth it to go out on a date.

If you can call having a prostitute over the house a date.

I hope she looks good.

I also hope I don't catch anything.

I don't have any rubbers.

I bet she'll have some.

I wonder if she'll come over next time for $75.

Maybe I could do this every month.

I could afford that.

Wait a minute.

If I stash this recorder somewhere in the room, I could make a tape of the

entire session, then relive it a few times before I call it again.

Boy, that would really save some dough.

She'd never see it in all this mess.

I wonder where it would make the best recording.

30 minutes per side.

I'll turn it on as soon as the doorbell rings and I should get everything.

Well, here's the bedroom.

Hope it's not too messy for you.

Oh, hell no. You should see some of these guys' houses.

Really? Worse than this? A lot worse.

Can I set this here?

Sure. Go ahead.

Do you mind if I watch you undress?

No, that's fine. Why don't you get ready, too?

Okay.

Boy, you have lovely breasts.

Thank you.

Do you mind if I start feeling them now?

Just a minute.

Okay, come here for a second.

Okay. Do you want to stand here and feel them, or do you want to get into bed?

Well, let's get into bed.

But just let me feel them for a second first.

Okay. Do you want me to do anything, or should I just stand here for a minute?

This is fine.

You don't have to watch if you don't want. No, that's all right.

Do you think I'm really overweight?

No, I think you look good.

What about this cut?

I think you're a very attractive man.

You don't think I need to lose about 40 pounds?

No, maybe five. I think you're very handsome.

And I think you're beautiful.

Thank you.

Do you want to get on the bed now?

Sure.

Is this okay?

Sure.

Okay, there.

Oh, there we go.

Sorry my dick isn't very hard.

It's fine. Go ahead.

You certainly have lovely breasts Thank you.

Is it okay if I set my things here?

Sure What

do you want me to do?

I'm enjoying my audio tapes, but I've got to find something close to reality.

Hmm, this is a beaut.

I wonder how much light you need to get a decent picture.

Crab lice, or crabs, are small visible creatures in the insect family that are

often spread through sexual contact.

They live in the pubic hair and get their nourishment by sucking blood from

their host.

Crabs are not dangerous, but the itching they cause can be troublesome to

victims infected by them.

Fortunately, many medications are available to treat them.

These usually come in the forms of creams and lotions that are applied to

genital region before showering.

Great.

Effective in the removal of cubic life.

Well, I still think it was worth it.

I hope this stuff works.

Sometimes.

All those phones and I have no one to call.

Hello?

Hi.

Who's this?

Marcus.

What are you doing today?

Just sitting around.

Do you have the day off?

No, I work at night.

Really? What do you do?

I'm a security guard.

Oh, that must be exciting.

Not really.

Nothing much happens and I never get to talk to anyone.

Well, you can always call and talk to me.

Yeah, at $2 per minute.

It's not really so much.

Well, that's true.

I've been paying call girls more than $100 an hour to come over.

Really? How many times have you done that?

I don't know. A lot.

In fact, I really can't afford to make this call.

Really?

Yeah, I better get off the line.

I understand, but listen, you call back anytime, okay?

Alright, thanks.

This is Marcus.

What are you up to today?

Oh, not much.

Then you have to go to work today?

I don't go until later.

Really? What do you do?

I'm a security guard.

That must be interesting work.

Not really.

Do you want to go out sometime?

Well, you sound very nice, but we're not allowed to do that.

No one would have to know about it.

I'm sorry. We're really not supposed to do that.

I see.

I'd be happy to talk to you as long as you want, though.

Yeah, I bet.

Excuse me?

Never mind.

I just wanted to call and say I don't think much of your little operation.

I beg your pardon?

It's pretty obvious you're just trying to keep people on the line to make

I beg your pardon?

I hope I'm not going insane.

I'm sure I must be though.

Hello?

Hello?

I feel horrible.

I'm sure I'd feel worse if I had talked to her, though.

Maybe I'll call Dave.

He's my best friend.

No, we're really not that close.

I don't think I could tell him my problems.

In fact, I think he hates me.

Maybe I'll have a little snack.

Insanity is a state of imperfect reasoning ability.

Caused by mental disease, insanity often removes the afflicted person from

reality as it is normally perceived and renders them unresponsible for their

actions.

That's not me they're talking about.

While having no precise meaning in either law or medicine, insanity has

mean a state of reduced or damaged mental capacity.

Often called madness, it represents a breakdown in the ability to reason and

manifests itself in the inability to distinguish right from wrong.

The most common form of this condition is called schizophrenia.

which is characterized by prolonged periods of delusions, hallucinations,

personality disintegration, and the inability to properly perceive reality.

Uh -oh. This is beginning to sound familiar.

I wonder how much it would cost to visit a psychiatrist.

Yeah, that's stupid.

I'd rather spend the money on call girls.

Oh, what am I saying? I can't afford that either.

I wonder if this is the sort of thing you can treat yourself.

It's worth a try.

Here's something.

Self -hypnosis.

My mom said to me to start cleaning up the garage and to be

sure... and check all the mouse traps.

I went in to see and found a couple of traps that hadn't been disturbed.

Then, in a corner of the garage was a trap that

had just missed the mouse's body and had him pinned by the tail.

The mouse was squirming, and I wanted it to stop.

For some reason, I decided to fill a bucket with water and drown the mouse.

I was holding him under the water with a pair of pliers.

I don't remember why I did it that way, but I held him under the water until he

stopped squirming.

I forget.

how many times I checked to see if he was still moving

this is just depressing the hell out

of me

This is more like it.

I just needed to get out and stop dwelling on weird things.

I should do this every day.

Boy, I haven't been on one of these in 20 years.

This used to be my all -time favorite.

I'm like a new man.

This is the best I've felt since...

This corset could change my whole life.

Parties. Dates.

Fun.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

I knew it wouldn't work. I knew it. I knew it. I knew it.

You look like you could be a cop, but, you know, that's good. You know, some

cops are all nice guys, though.

Oh, so what did you use for protection?

Condom? Yeah.

You don't get those little crabs or anything, do you? No, I never have, no.

Usually I don't come out. I used to have a knife on the phone. I don't see a guy

for $70. I charge $200 and sometimes $300.

But I don't.

I'm usually in a dress and everything. I look a little bit nicer in a lake

tonight, so I'm just kind of couched.

I figure I'll just come on out.

I should videotape a call girl when she comes over.

Maybe she'd really be into it.

Kind of seems like you like to watch, huh?

Yeah.

Want to watch me take off my clothes?

Yeah.

Did you look at my tip?

Yeah.

Then again, she might not be into

it.

What the hell is this?

I'm just videotaping you.

What the fuck for?

I want to look at it later.

Ron, no, you can look at me now, honey. We didn't discuss this, alright?

Please? No.

fuck are you doing? Don't film my tits.

I said turn it off.

Did you hear what the fuck I said? I said turn it off.

That's always a possibility.

Maybe I better play it safe and hide the camera in the closet.

You're a 14 -year -old, aren't you?

Still looking at Playboys?

Shit, man.

Huh.

What do you like to do?

Do you like to sit here and beat off to these chicks?

Sometimes. Uh -huh.

So, is that what you want to do with me?

Do you want to just sit here and beat off?

If you want to come in my mouth, I can give you a hand job, 50 bucks.

Um, so you tell me what you want to do.

Maybe I should stop dwelling on women's breath all the time.

What I need is a vacation.

Thank you.

Thank you.

A hundred and ninety -one pounds?

Does she really think anyone's going to write to her?

I'm more pathetic than she is, and I wouldn't be seen dead with her.

Who am I to destroy another living thing?

Besides, I don't want to get spider guts in my skin, Meg.

Beast, you're not a cop, are you?

No. Do I look like one?

Yes.

Don't you like cops?

No way.

What do you do for a living?

Well, I work in the store.

Yeah?

What store?

Um, Food King.

Oh, yeah, that one back there on Ash Street?

Yeah, that's it.

Well, you sure do look like a cop.

What do you have against him, anyway?

Oh, they're always half on me.

About what?

You know, I hitch rides.

Try to do favors for guys.

Earn a little money. You know.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. You interested?

Well, how much would it cost me?

I don't know.

What do you want?

Well... 100 bucks for straight lay.

125 for half and half. What's half and half?

You know, half lay, half.

50 bucks for a regular blowjob.

20 bucks for a handjob.

50 bucks for a blowjob?

Yeah, and you gotta wear a rubber.

Oh, yeah.

AIDS.

I don't give a shit about AIDS.

I just don't want anybody coming in my mouth.

What did you say you do for $10?

Nothing.

I'll give you a handjob for $20.

How much do you have?

Just over $10. I don't suppose you'd take a check?

I'm okay. Here's another $10.

Sure. Why is it so bright in here?

I just want to be able to see you.

You're not a cop, are you?

Do I look like one?

Yeah.

Is that a bologna sandwich?

That stuff is almost 100 % fat, boy.

Death boy.

Can I feel them?

Sure, go ahead.

Did you break your little heart again?

No, not really.

What you needed some luck.

What's that?

You know, a hand job.

That's a good idea.

I think this might work.

Give me a few minutes.

Well, okay, but I'm not going to plan it all night.

I would have been able to achieve an erection if he'd given me more time.

We should have pulled on it longer.

Dad.

Boy, I thought the army would straighten you out.

I guess they can't work miracles.

Geez, he's in his own drawers.

Reduzo cream melts, melts, melts that fat away.

Millions use it, millions swear by it. Isn't it about time you tried Reduzo

cream?

Safe as any garden vegetable.

Results vary greatly among users.

There's no way this is going to work.

Absolutely no way.

Oh, look at those breasts.

Sure would like to feel those babies.

Four days until payday.

I'm having a call girl come over the second I get that paycheck.

Are you a cop?

Here's the bedroom.

Uh -huh.

Do you have the money?

Yeah.

Here you go.

Hey, get undressed.

Couple of things.

Don't try to kiss me.

And don't touch my hair.

I'm starving.

Of course, I should eat at home and save my money for call girls.

How long has this been unwrapped?

What difference does it make?

This is stupid.

It takes two people to play this game properly.

There must be some way I can get a real date.

How are you

tonight?

Okay. I'm a little nervous.

I've never really been on a blind date before.

since your mom and my aunt go to the same church.

What's your mom's name?

Edith Westhall.

Have I met her?

I don't think so.

But your aunt said that you were nice.

What else did my aunt say about me?

Well, that you were a security guard, and that you're about my age, and that

you've never been married.

Have you been married before?

No.

I guess they thought we were made for each other.

So, do you have any hobbies?

Well, I try to write now and then.

Really? Can you read something you've written?

Well, I haven't really written anything for a couple years now.

Oh.

What have you been doing lately?

I've been reading a lot of medical stuff.

Self -hypnosis and things like that.

That's interesting.

Can you really hypnotize yourself?

Oh, sure.

I've even videotaped myself while I was under.

Wow. Can I see one of the tapes?

I don't know.

I think I'd be too embarrassed to show them to anyone.

What kind of things do you talk about when you're hypnotized?

Oh, all kinds of things.

Childhood stuff.

Dreams.

Sex.

You know.

I see.

I don't believe in having sex before marriage.

Myself.

Really? You won't want to have sex then?

You mean with you tonight?

Oh, gosh, no.

Do most of the girls you go out with have sex with you?

Well, yeah.

I see.

Well, I don't believe in doing that personally.

Oh, that's okay.

Could I at least feel your

breath?

No Could I just see them for a minute?

No Do you want to go home now?

Yes

I've just got to get some exercise.

Go ahead and get comfortable. I'll be right back.

Where are you going?

Just to the bathroom for a second.

Okay.

Can I feel those?

Sure. Just let me get one more thing.

Rawr!

You won't be needing this anymore, you pathetic bastard.

Thoughts that appear and make no sense Move through the water every second

for the air that never comes I thought we were not really there

Just to make all

nerves center Thoughts that's on a flying pressure Just to make all nerves

center Thoughts that's on a flying pressure

Thank you.

Just a mangled nerve, then two false steps on a flying pressure Just a

nerve, then two false steps on a flying pressure

Just a mangled nerve center, four steps on a blind pressure.

Just a mangled nerve center, four steps on a blind pressure.