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The war in Iran is everywhere. It comes
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The war in Iran is everywhere. It comes
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The war in Iran is everywhere. It comes
up in financial news because of its
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up in financial news because of its
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up in financial news because of its
effect on oil. It comes up in celebrity
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effect on oil. It comes up in celebrity
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effect on oil. It comes up in celebrity
news like when Chapel Ron's bodyguard
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news like when Chapel Ron's bodyguard
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news like when Chapel Ron's bodyguard
made the Ayatollah cry because he looked
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made the Ayatollah cry because he looked
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made the Ayatollah cry because he looked
at her.
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at her.
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at her.
And now the war is even creeping its way
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And now the war is even creeping its way
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And now the war is even creeping its way
into the weather. Our eyes right now
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into the weather. Our eyes right now
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into the weather. Our eyes right now
weatherwise are in the Middle East
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weatherwise are in the Middle East
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weatherwise are in the Middle East
because they have an unusual system
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because they have an unusual system
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because they have an unusual system
that's developing going to be bringing
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that's developing going to be bringing
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that's developing going to be bringing
heavy rain, possible tornadoes. They
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heavy rain, possible tornadoes. They
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heavy rain, possible tornadoes. They
could be looking at some haboos
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could be looking at some haboos
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could be looking at some haboos
developing there. Excuse
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me, Al. What did you just say?
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me, Al. What did you just say?
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me, Al. What did you just say?
Her boobs.
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Her boobs.
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Her boobs.
Her boobs are developing.
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Ow. Be a professional. All right. Call
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Ow. Be a professional. All right. Call
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Ow. Be a professional. All right. Call
them by their scientific name. Her
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them by their scientific name. Her
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them by their scientific name. Her
breastasis.
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Am I the only one who doesn't know what
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Am I the only one who doesn't know what
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Am I the only one who doesn't know what
he's talking about?
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he's talking about?
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he's talking about?
>> And that's your latest weather. To be
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>> And that's your latest weather. To be
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>> And that's your latest weather. To be
clear, I just learned something new.
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clear, I just learned something new.
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clear, I just learned something new.
What exactly is a haboo?
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>> Thank you, Craig Melvin. Very brave to
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>> Thank you, Craig Melvin. Very brave to
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>> Thank you, Craig Melvin. Very brave to
admit on live TV that you've never seen
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admit on live TV that you've never seen
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admit on live TV that you've never seen
a haboo,
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a haboo,
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a haboo,
let alone felt one.
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let alone felt one.
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let alone felt one.
I'm right there with you, brother. All
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I'm right there with you, brother. All
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I'm right there with you, brother. All
right. So, what is it? It is a massive
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right. So, what is it? It is a massive
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right. So, what is it? It is a massive
dust storm. If you remember in Mission
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dust storm. If you remember in Mission
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dust storm. If you remember in Mission
Impossible, Tom Cruz running in in
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Impossible, Tom Cruz running in in
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Impossible, Tom Cruz running in in
running after that storm, ahead of that
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running after that storm, ahead of that
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running after that storm, ahead of that
storm. That's a haboo.
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storm. That's a haboo.
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storm. That's a haboo.
>> See, now I get what you're talking
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>> See, now I get what you're talking
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>> See, now I get what you're talking
about. I would understand the news a lot
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about. I would understand the news a lot
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about. I would understand the news a lot
more if they told me what Tom Cruz movie
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more if they told me what Tom Cruz movie
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more if they told me what Tom Cruz movie
it pertains to.
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it pertains to.
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it pertains to.
I need them on the news like what
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I need them on the news like what
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I need them on the news like what
America is doing here is like an
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America is doing here is like an
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America is doing here is like an
impossible mission. Like Tom Cruz in the
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impossible mission. Like Tom Cruz in the
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impossible mission. Like Tom Cruz in the
movie Magnolia.
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So now we all understand haboo means
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So now we all understand haboo means
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So now we all understand haboo means
sandstorm. So you can keep your minds
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sandstorm. So you can keep your minds
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sandstorm. So you can keep your minds
out of the gutter. And just so you know,
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out of the gutter. And just so you know,
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out of the gutter. And just so you know,
after the haboo, there will be a
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after the haboo, there will be a
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after the haboo, there will be a
of rain coming.
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of rain coming.
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of rain coming.
These are all weather terms.
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These are all weather terms.
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These are all weather terms.
But okay, aside from this dust storm
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But okay, aside from this dust storm
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But okay, aside from this dust storm
developing into a voluuptuous woman,
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developing into a voluuptuous woman,
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developing into a voluuptuous woman,
how's the war going?
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how's the war going?
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how's the war going?
>> President Trump in the Oval Office
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>> President Trump in the Oval Office
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>> President Trump in the Oval Office
yesterday said
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yesterday said
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yesterday said
>> he's already won the war.
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>> he's already won the war.
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>> he's already won the war.
>> Well, I think we're going to end it. I
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>> Well, I think we're going to end it. I
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>> Well, I think we're going to end it. I
can't tell you for sure.
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can't tell you for sure.
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can't tell you for sure.
Um,
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Um,
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Um,
you know, I don't like to say this.
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you know, I don't like to say this.
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you know, I don't like to say this.
We've won this. This war has been won.
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We've won this. This war has been won.
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We've won this. This war has been won.
You don't You don't like to say you won
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You don't You don't like to say you won
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You don't You don't like to say you won
a war.
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a war.
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a war.
Isn't that why you fight a war?
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Isn't that why you fight a war?
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Isn't that why you fight a war?
Be proud of yourself, Mr. President. You
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Be proud of yourself, Mr. President. You
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Be proud of yourself, Mr. President. You
ended another war and this is the one
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ended another war and this is the one
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ended another war and this is the one
that you started. Like
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that you started. Like
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that you started. Like
what?
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That's like double points, you know. But
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That's like double points, you know. But
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That's like double points, you know. But
you heard the man. We won this war. I
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you heard the man. We won this war. I
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you heard the man. We won this war. I
bet Iran's begging for a ceasefire right
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bet Iran's begging for a ceasefire right
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bet Iran's begging for a ceasefire right
now.
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now.
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now.
>> Breaking news. Iran's statebacked media
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>> Breaking news. Iran's statebacked media
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>> Breaking news. Iran's statebacked media
now says Thran will not accept a
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now says Thran will not accept a
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now says Thran will not accept a
ceasefire.
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ceasefire.
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ceasefire.
>> Iranian officials quote is that Iran
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>> Iranian officials quote is that Iran
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>> Iranian officials quote is that Iran
will end the war when it decides to do
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will end the war when it decides to do
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will end the war when it decides to do
so. When its own conditions are met,
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so. When its own conditions are met,
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so. When its own conditions are met,
>> whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't end
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>> whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't end
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>> whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You can't end
the war. We ended the war. All right.
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the war. We ended the war. All right.
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the war. We ended the war. All right.
You trying to start another war? CUZ
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You trying to start another war? CUZ
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You trying to start another war? CUZ
I'LL FIGHT YOU AND THEN I'LL STOP
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I'LL FIGHT YOU AND THEN I'LL STOP
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I'LL FIGHT YOU AND THEN I'LL STOP
FIGHTING YOU WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT. CUZ
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FIGHTING YOU WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT. CUZ
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FIGHTING YOU WHEN I FEEL LIKE IT. CUZ
THE WAR IS OVER.
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THE WAR IS OVER.
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THE WAR IS OVER.
You heard the president. WE WON. WE'RE
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You heard the president. WE WON. WE'RE
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You heard the president. WE WON. WE'RE
bringing the troops home. More than a
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bringing the troops home. More than a
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bringing the troops home. More than a
thousand additional troops from the 82nd
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thousand additional troops from the 82nd
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thousand additional troops from the 82nd
Airborne Division are heading to the
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Airborne Division are heading to the
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Airborne Division are heading to the
Middle East. They'll be joining
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Middle East. They'll be joining
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Middle East. They'll be joining
thousands more. Marines, sailors, and
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thousands more. Marines, sailors, and
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thousands more. Marines, sailors, and
other American troops already on their
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other American troops already on their
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other American troops already on their
way.
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way.
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way.
>> Oh
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>> Oh
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>> Oh
we're sending more troops. That doesn't
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we're sending more troops. That doesn't
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we're sending more troops. That doesn't
sound like the war is over. This is very
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sound like the war is over. This is very
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sound like the war is over. This is very
confusing. Should I or shouldn't I go to
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confusing. Should I or shouldn't I go to
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confusing. Should I or shouldn't I go to
Time Square in my sailor outfit to kiss
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Time Square in my sailor outfit to kiss
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Time Square in my sailor outfit to kiss
random women?
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>> Mr. President, I thought we won. We've
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>> Mr. President, I thought we won. We've
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>> Mr. President, I thought we won. We've
won. Let me tell you, we've won.
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won. Let me tell you, we've won.
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won. Let me tell you, we've won.
>> Of course we won. Those troops are
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>> Of course we won. Those troops are
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>> Of course we won. Those troops are
obviously going there to help set up for
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obviously going there to help set up for
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obviously going there to help set up for
the victory party. You know, you ever
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the victory party. You know, you ever
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the victory party. You know, you ever
try to set up a bouncy castle with just
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try to set up a bouncy castle with just
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try to set up a bouncy castle with just
1,000 troops?
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1,000 troops?
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1,000 troops?
Now, that's an impossible mission. Like
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Now, that's an impossible mission. Like
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Now, that's an impossible mission. Like
Tom Cruz and Jerry Maguire.
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And besides, 1,000 troops isn't even
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And besides, 1,000 troops isn't even
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And besides, 1,000 troops isn't even
that many. It's actually the lowest
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that many. It's actually the lowest
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that many. It's actually the lowest
thousands of troops you can have.
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thousands of troops you can have.
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thousands of troops you can have.
If this war was really ramping up, the
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If this war was really ramping up, the
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If this war was really ramping up, the
army would need a lot more people than
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army would need a lot more people than
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army would need a lot more people than
that. You know, they'd probably be
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that. You know, they'd probably be
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that. You know, they'd probably be
trying to get new recruits. The US Army
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trying to get new recruits. The US Army
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trying to get new recruits. The US Army
making some changes to try and draw more
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making some changes to try and draw more
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making some changes to try and draw more
recruits. The Army just increased the
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recruits. The Army just increased the
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recruits. The Army just increased the
maximum enlistment age to 42. That's up
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maximum enlistment age to 42. That's up
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maximum enlistment age to 42. That's up
from 35.
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from 35.
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from 35.
>> Oh
236
00:04:50,469 --> 00:04:50,479
>> Oh
237
00:04:50,479 --> 00:04:52,870
>> Oh
we're letting 42y olds sign up for the
238
00:04:52,870 --> 00:04:52,880
we're letting 42y olds sign up for the
239
00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:55,510
we're letting 42y olds sign up for the
military now.
240
00:04:55,510 --> 00:04:55,520
military now.
241
00:04:55,520 --> 00:04:56,790
military now.
They're going to have to change the name
242
00:04:56,790 --> 00:04:56,800
They're going to have to change the name
243
00:04:56,800 --> 00:04:59,430
They're going to have to change the name
from Operation Epic Fury to Operation
244
00:04:59,430 --> 00:04:59,440
from Operation Epic Fury to Operation
245
00:04:59,440 --> 00:05:02,230
from Operation Epic Fury to Operation
Why does my back hurt?
246
00:05:02,230 --> 00:05:02,240
Why does my back hurt?
247
00:05:02,240 --> 00:05:05,510
Why does my back hurt?
I must have slept on it funny
248
00:05:05,510 --> 00:05:05,520
I must have slept on it funny
249
00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:07,510
I must have slept on it funny
because the likelihood of a 42-year-old
250
00:05:07,510 --> 00:05:07,520
because the likelihood of a 42-year-old
251
00:05:07,520 --> 00:05:09,830
because the likelihood of a 42-year-old
being great at war is like any person
252
00:05:09,830 --> 00:05:09,840
being great at war is like any person
253
00:05:09,840 --> 00:05:13,110
being great at war is like any person
being great with nunchucks.
254
00:05:13,110 --> 00:05:13,120
being great with nunchucks.
255
00:05:13,120 --> 00:05:15,430
being great with nunchucks.
Some people will be good, but most are
256
00:05:15,430 --> 00:05:15,440
Some people will be good, but most are
257
00:05:15,440 --> 00:05:19,029
Some people will be good, but most are
going to hurt themselves immediately.
258
00:05:19,029 --> 00:05:19,039
going to hurt themselves immediately.
259
00:05:19,039 --> 00:05:21,510
going to hurt themselves immediately.
Bruce Lee, incredible. My uncle
260
00:05:21,510 --> 00:05:21,520
Bruce Lee, incredible. My uncle
261
00:05:21,520 --> 00:05:31,110
Bruce Lee, incredible. My uncle
concussion.
262
00:05:31,110 --> 00:05:31,120
263
00:05:31,120 --> 00:05:33,830
Are we sure we won it? It's not even a
264
00:05:33,830 --> 00:05:33,840
Are we sure we won it? It's not even a
265
00:05:33,840 --> 00:05:34,629
Are we sure we won it? It's not even a
little close.
266
00:05:34,629 --> 00:05:34,639
little close.
267
00:05:34,639 --> 00:05:36,469
little close.
>> It's not a close battle. They're totally
268
00:05:36,469 --> 00:05:36,479
>> It's not a close battle. They're totally
269
00:05:36,479 --> 00:05:38,629
>> It's not a close battle. They're totally
defeated.
270
00:05:38,629 --> 00:05:38,639
defeated.
271
00:05:38,639 --> 00:05:40,230
defeated.
>> I don't know what it is about you saying
272
00:05:40,230 --> 00:05:40,240
>> I don't know what it is about you saying
273
00:05:40,240 --> 00:05:42,310
>> I don't know what it is about you saying
it a third time, but I believe you. All
274
00:05:42,310 --> 00:05:42,320
it a third time, but I believe you. All
275
00:05:42,320 --> 00:05:45,110
it a third time, but I believe you. All
right. We got to be winning this war.
276
00:05:45,110 --> 00:05:45,120
right. We got to be winning this war.
277
00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:47,270
right. We got to be winning this war.
You wouldn't lie non-stop. You're the
278
00:05:47,270 --> 00:05:47,280
You wouldn't lie non-stop. You're the
279
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:54,629
You wouldn't lie non-stop. You're the
president.
280
00:05:54,629 --> 00:05:54,639
281
00:05:54,639 --> 00:05:56,790
Hey,
282
00:05:56,790 --> 00:05:56,800
Hey,
283
00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:58,790
Hey,
>> look. According to People magazine and
284
00:05:58,790 --> 00:05:58,800
>> look. According to People magazine and
285
00:05:58,800 --> 00:06:01,270
>> look. According to People magazine and
apparently the US military, 42 is the
286
00:06:01,270 --> 00:06:01,280
apparently the US military, 42 is the
287
00:06:01,280 --> 00:06:04,469
apparently the US military, 42 is the
new 35. All right. And that's probably
288
00:06:04,469 --> 00:06:04,479
new 35. All right. And that's probably
289
00:06:04,479 --> 00:06:06,150
new 35. All right. And that's probably
all the soldiers we're going to need
290
00:06:06,150 --> 00:06:06,160
all the soldiers we're going to need
291
00:06:06,160 --> 00:06:07,110
all the soldiers we're going to need
anyway.
292
00:06:07,110 --> 00:06:07,120
anyway.
293
00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:09,110
anyway.
>> Defense Secretary Pete Hexath announced
294
00:06:09,110 --> 00:06:09,120
>> Defense Secretary Pete Hexath announced
295
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:10,950
>> Defense Secretary Pete Hexath announced
an extension to bring back service
296
00:06:10,950 --> 00:06:10,960
an extension to bring back service
297
00:06:10,960 --> 00:06:13,510
an extension to bring back service
members who refused the CO 19 vaccine.
298
00:06:13,510 --> 00:06:13,520
members who refused the CO 19 vaccine.
299
00:06:13,520 --> 00:06:14,870
members who refused the CO 19 vaccine.
>> We're extending this to make sure
300
00:06:14,870 --> 00:06:14,880
>> We're extending this to make sure
301
00:06:14,880 --> 00:06:16,230
>> We're extending this to make sure
anybody that wants to take advantage of
302
00:06:16,230 --> 00:06:16,240
anybody that wants to take advantage of
303
00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:19,270
anybody that wants to take advantage of
it has additional time to take advantage
304
00:06:19,270 --> 00:06:19,280
it has additional time to take advantage
305
00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:20,629
it has additional time to take advantage
of it. Maybe you were waiting to see
306
00:06:20,629 --> 00:06:20,639
of it. Maybe you were waiting to see
307
00:06:20,639 --> 00:06:23,510
of it. Maybe you were waiting to see
whether we meant it or not. We do.
308
00:06:23,510 --> 00:06:23,520
whether we meant it or not. We do.
309
00:06:23,520 --> 00:06:25,830
whether we meant it or not. We do.
>> Oh
310
00:06:25,830 --> 00:06:25,840
>> Oh
311
00:06:25,840 --> 00:06:27,830
>> Oh
that doesn't sound good when the
312
00:06:27,830 --> 00:06:27,840
that doesn't sound good when the
313
00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:30,070
that doesn't sound good when the
Secretary of Defense is telling you, "I
314
00:06:30,070 --> 00:06:30,080
Secretary of Defense is telling you, "I
315
00:06:30,080 --> 00:06:31,749
Secretary of Defense is telling you, "I
know you didn't want to take the COVID
316
00:06:31,749 --> 00:06:31,759
know you didn't want to take the COVID
317
00:06:31,759 --> 00:06:42,070
know you didn't want to take the COVID
shot, but what about getting gunshot?"
318
00:06:42,070 --> 00:06:42,080
319
00:06:42,080 --> 00:06:44,070
So, you gave people a deadline to
320
00:06:44,070 --> 00:06:44,080
So, you gave people a deadline to
321
00:06:44,080 --> 00:06:46,309
So, you gave people a deadline to
reinlist and they didn't take it. And
322
00:06:46,309 --> 00:06:46,319
reinlist and they didn't take it. And
323
00:06:46,319 --> 00:06:48,469
reinlist and they didn't take it. And
now you're still extending the deadline
324
00:06:48,469 --> 00:06:48,479
now you're still extending the deadline
325
00:06:48,479 --> 00:06:50,550
now you're still extending the deadline
to get them back. You were not the one
326
00:06:50,550 --> 00:06:50,560
to get them back. You were not the one
327
00:06:50,560 --> 00:06:52,550
to get them back. You were not the one
with power. I've been through this
328
00:06:52,550 --> 00:06:52,560
with power. I've been through this
329
00:06:52,560 --> 00:06:55,749
with power. I've been through this
entire thing before. My ex left me and I
330
00:06:55,749 --> 00:06:55,759
entire thing before. My ex left me and I
331
00:06:55,759 --> 00:06:58,230
entire thing before. My ex left me and I
told her she'd be back in a week. And
332
00:06:58,230 --> 00:06:58,240
told her she'd be back in a week. And
333
00:06:58,240 --> 00:07:03,189
told her she'd be back in a week. And
sure enough, a year later,
334
00:07:03,189 --> 00:07:03,199
sure enough, a year later,
335
00:07:03,199 --> 00:07:12,390
sure enough, a year later,
I got a wedding invitation.
336
00:07:12,390 --> 00:07:12,400
337
00:07:12,400 --> 00:07:14,629
So, just to recap, the military is now
338
00:07:14,629 --> 00:07:14,639
So, just to recap, the military is now
339
00:07:14,639 --> 00:07:16,550
So, just to recap, the military is now
trying to recruit middle-aged people and
340
00:07:16,550 --> 00:07:16,560
trying to recruit middle-aged people and
341
00:07:16,560 --> 00:07:18,710
trying to recruit middle-aged people and
antibaxers who don't even want to come
342
00:07:18,710 --> 00:07:18,720
antibaxers who don't even want to come
343
00:07:18,720 --> 00:07:21,029
antibaxers who don't even want to come
back.
344
00:07:21,029 --> 00:07:21,039
back.
345
00:07:21,039 --> 00:07:22,790
back.
As long as they're not trying to bring
346
00:07:22,790 --> 00:07:22,800
As long as they're not trying to bring
347
00:07:22,800 --> 00:07:25,589
As long as they're not trying to bring
in anybody else, maybe we're winning
348
00:07:25,589 --> 00:07:25,599
in anybody else, maybe we're winning
349
00:07:25,599 --> 00:07:26,550
in anybody else, maybe we're winning
this war.
350
00:07:26,550 --> 00:07:26,560
this war.
351
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,710
this war.
>> The Army also changing some regulations
352
00:07:28,710 --> 00:07:28,720
>> The Army also changing some regulations
353
00:07:28,720 --> 00:07:30,870
>> The Army also changing some regulations
to let people enlist without a waiver if
354
00:07:30,870 --> 00:07:30,880
to let people enlist without a waiver if
355
00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,550
to let people enlist without a waiver if
they have a single conviction for
356
00:07:32,550 --> 00:07:32,560
they have a single conviction for
357
00:07:32,560 --> 00:07:34,070
they have a single conviction for
possession of marijuana or drug
358
00:07:34,070 --> 00:07:34,080
possession of marijuana or drug
359
00:07:34,080 --> 00:07:36,150
possession of marijuana or drug
paraphernalia.
360
00:07:36,150 --> 00:07:36,160
paraphernalia.
361
00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,350
paraphernalia.
>> Okay, this is bad.
362
00:07:39,350 --> 00:07:39,360
>> Okay, this is bad.
363
00:07:39,360 --> 00:07:41,830
>> Okay, this is bad.
This is This is bad. We We've been at
364
00:07:41,830 --> 00:07:41,840
This is This is bad. We We've been at
365
00:07:41,840 --> 00:07:43,430
This is This is bad. We We've been at
war a month and you're already down to
366
00:07:43,430 --> 00:07:43,440
war a month and you're already down to
367
00:07:43,440 --> 00:07:52,469
war a month and you're already down to
stoners.
368
00:07:52,469 --> 00:07:52,479
369
00:07:52,479 --> 00:07:54,070
This is like that Herald and Kumar
370
00:07:54,070 --> 00:07:54,080
This is like that Herald and Kumar
371
00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:55,990
This is like that Herald and Kumar
movie, Mission Impossible 4, Ghost
372
00:07:55,990 --> 00:07:56,000
movie, Mission Impossible 4, Ghost
373
00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,950
movie, Mission Impossible 4, Ghost
Protocol.
374
00:07:58,950 --> 00:07:58,960
Protocol.
375
00:07:58,960 --> 00:08:00,790
Protocol.
We must be desperate because I've never
376
00:08:00,790 --> 00:08:00,800
We must be desperate because I've never
377
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:02,629
We must be desperate because I've never
seen a pthead take a puff and then be
378
00:08:02,629 --> 00:08:02,639
seen a pthead take a puff and then be
379
00:08:02,639 --> 00:08:05,270
seen a pthead take a puff and then be
like,
380
00:08:05,270 --> 00:08:05,280
like,
381
00:08:05,280 --> 00:08:09,110
like,
I want to somebody up.
382
00:08:09,110 --> 00:08:09,120
383
00:08:09,120 --> 00:08:11,029
I wouldn't even trust a stoner with any
384
00:08:11,029 --> 00:08:11,039
I wouldn't even trust a stoner with any
385
00:08:11,039 --> 00:08:12,950
I wouldn't even trust a stoner with any
mission unless that mission is you need
386
00:08:12,950 --> 00:08:12,960
mission unless that mission is you need
387
00:08:12,960 --> 00:08:15,270
mission unless that mission is you need
to locate the Ayatollah and tell him the
388
00:08:15,270 --> 00:08:15,280
to locate the Ayatollah and tell him the
389
00:08:15,280 --> 00:08:24,790
to locate the Ayatollah and tell him the
greatest movie ever is Interstellar.
390
00:08:24,790 --> 00:08:24,800
391
00:08:24,800 --> 00:08:27,029
I'm starting to think the war isn't won.
392
00:08:27,029 --> 00:08:27,039
I'm starting to think the war isn't won.
393
00:08:27,039 --> 00:08:29,029
I'm starting to think the war isn't won.
And if we're still fighting, the Army's
394
00:08:29,029 --> 00:08:29,039
And if we're still fighting, the Army's
395
00:08:29,039 --> 00:08:30,869
And if we're still fighting, the Army's
recruitment videos are going to get a
396
00:08:30,869 --> 00:08:30,879
recruitment videos are going to get a
397
00:08:30,879 --> 00:08:32,550
recruitment videos are going to get a
lot more desperate.
398
00:08:32,550 --> 00:08:32,560
lot more desperate.
399
00:08:32,560 --> 00:08:35,190
lot more desperate.
>> Great news, America. The president says
400
00:08:35,190 --> 00:08:35,200
>> Great news, America. The president says
401
00:08:35,200 --> 00:08:37,909
>> Great news, America. The president says
we won the war. And now, for completely
402
00:08:37,909 --> 00:08:37,919
we won the war. And now, for completely
403
00:08:37,919 --> 00:08:40,550
we won the war. And now, for completely
unrelated reasons, the US military is
404
00:08:40,550 --> 00:08:40,560
unrelated reasons, the US military is
405
00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:43,509
unrelated reasons, the US military is
lowering its standards cuz we need a ton
406
00:08:43,509 --> 00:08:43,519
lowering its standards cuz we need a ton
407
00:08:43,519 --> 00:08:46,389
lowering its standards cuz we need a ton
of troops. Under 18, we'll take you.
408
00:08:46,389 --> 00:08:46,399
of troops. Under 18, we'll take you.
409
00:08:46,399 --> 00:08:49,670
of troops. Under 18, we'll take you.
Under 16, you're in. 13 and Jewish,
410
00:08:49,670 --> 00:08:49,680
Under 16, you're in. 13 and Jewish,
411
00:08:49,680 --> 00:08:52,630
Under 16, you're in. 13 and Jewish,
you're a man now. Muzzletov grandpa will
412
00:08:52,630 --> 00:08:52,640
you're a man now. Muzzletov grandpa will
413
00:08:52,640 --> 00:08:54,630
you're a man now. Muzzletov grandpa will
be so proud. And he'll be right with
414
00:08:54,630 --> 00:08:54,640
be so proud. And he'll be right with
415
00:08:54,640 --> 00:08:56,630
be so proud. And he'll be right with
you. Because we're taking the olds now,
416
00:08:56,630 --> 00:08:56,640
you. Because we're taking the olds now,
417
00:08:56,640 --> 00:08:59,430
you. Because we're taking the olds now,
too. Drug conviction? No problem. Just
418
00:08:59,430 --> 00:08:59,440
too. Drug conviction? No problem. Just
419
00:08:59,440 --> 00:09:01,670
too. Drug conviction? No problem. Just
gave birth, we'll take you both. Two
420
00:09:01,670 --> 00:09:01,680
gave birth, we'll take you both. Two
421
00:09:01,680 --> 00:09:04,230
gave birth, we'll take you both. Two
lazy eyes, you can be A PILOT. WHY NOT?
422
00:09:04,230 --> 00:09:04,240
lazy eyes, you can be A PILOT. WHY NOT?
423
00:09:04,240 --> 00:09:06,790
lazy eyes, you can be A PILOT. WHY NOT?
Uncle Sam needs literally anyone. Disney
424
00:09:06,790 --> 00:09:06,800
Uncle Sam needs literally anyone. Disney
425
00:09:06,800 --> 00:09:09,750
Uncle Sam needs literally anyone. Disney
adults, carnies, trekkies, Canadians,
426
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:09,760
adults, carnies, trekkies, Canadians,
427
00:09:09,760 --> 00:09:11,829
adults, carnies, trekkies, Canadians,
those grown men who are into My Little
428
00:09:11,829 --> 00:09:11,839
those grown men who are into My Little
429
00:09:11,839 --> 00:09:13,910
those grown men who are into My Little
Pony. We'll take you, no questions
430
00:09:13,910 --> 00:09:13,920
Pony. We'll take you, no questions
431
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:16,070
Pony. We'll take you, no questions
asked, even though we have tons of
432
00:09:16,070 --> 00:09:16,080
asked, even though we have tons of
433
00:09:16,080 --> 00:09:20,070
asked, even though we have tons of
questions. We'll even take stoners. Wa!
434
00:09:20,070 --> 00:09:20,080
questions. We'll even take stoners. Wa!
435
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:23,829
questions. We'll even take stoners. Wa!
How can it be middle and ease? So, head
436
00:09:23,829 --> 00:09:23,839
How can it be middle and ease? So, head
437
00:09:23,839 --> 00:09:25,750
How can it be middle and ease? So, head
to your local recruitment center. In
438
00:09:25,750 --> 00:09:25,760
to your local recruitment center. In
439
00:09:25,760 --> 00:09:27,670
to your local recruitment center. In
fact, screw it. Just go straight to that
440
00:09:27,670 --> 00:09:27,680
fact, screw it. Just go straight to that
441
00:09:27,680 --> 00:09:31,269
fact, screw it. Just go straight to that
base in guitar and be all you can be. Or
442
00:09:31,269 --> 00:09:31,279
base in guitar and be all you can be. Or
443
00:09:31,279 --> 00:09:36,440
base in guitar and be all you can be. Or
it just be. We'll take it. Heat. Heat.
37483
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