Original subtitles

Do you see that crazy guy there?

That's my stepbrother writing my fourth book report of the week.

Meanwhile, here I am, struggling with a simple essay about American history.

But you see, he is not doing my chores out of the goodwill of his heart.

I can't afford college, and my parents talked me out of a loan.

So I applied for a scholarship, and I won.

I knew it was going to be impossible to keep straight A's throughout the

semester.

That's where my nerdy brother comes in.

We made a deal.

He promised to help me as long as I agreed to be his free -use slut.

What a curve.

But I really needed his help.

Alright, I think I'm done for the day.

Do you think that you can help me with the rest of this?

I mean, haven't I helped you enough already?

I mean, yeah, but I'm really, Huck, I'm just out of ideas for what to finish

this essay with.

I guess I could help.

I could give you a few ideas.

Let me read it.

Mm -hmm.

Put your finger on the book.

That's good.

See? It wasn't so hard.

Just, um, add in a little bit more about the Founding Fathers there.

Yeah, but like, doesn't everybody already know them?

Well, yeah.

That's why it's an easy A.

Yeah.

There we go.

Okay. See, you got this.

You're making it way harder than I see.

It's like random... Yeah, that looks good.

Oh, I think you spelled that wrong. Be careful. You want to make sure it looks

professional.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Don't forget to add in something calm, too.

That looks good. Maybe expand on this part here.

Okay.

Talk more about marches and winter, George Washington,

public appeal.

random bullshit.

Yeah, that's good. Just add a little bit more about the fondling, I mean,

founding fathers.

You know, maybe I shouldn't be so hard on the founding fathers.

Yeah, I mean, they had started this whole country.

I mean, we have a lot to thank them for.

Like Thanksgiving and Constitution and stuff.

Do you think that I should have that until here?

Yeah, why not?

I mean, I think it was around the same time period.

That was like right after he conquered California.

Yeah, that's good.

When was that again?

I think it was like 1789 or something.

Yeah, definitely after the Declaration of Independence.

That was 1776.

They were part of the Declaration of Independence?

I mean, I'm pretty sure.

It's like the Continental Congress.

They got pissed off and put some tea

on top to Boston Harbor. I mean, I'm pretty sure that's what they did.

Are there any other facts you can remember to put in there?

Oh, there was the Boston Massacre, too.

That's important to talk about, because that pissed everybody off, and then they

had to stop paying their taxes, I guess.

I forgot about that one.

Yeah. Fucking redcoats.

What do you think, bro?

Let me see.

Yeah, looks great.

See?

Thanks. I just don't know why they won't let me use the computer for this.

Well, with all the AI out there, it's kind of good.

Well, I think that's it for today.

I think that we deserve a treat.

It can be my treat. What do you say?

Okay, cool.

How about a sandwich?

Of course.

So, how are your professors?

Any cute ones?

Not really.

No?

There's one that has my head.

There you go.

And they're like, we'll look against that. I mean, you just gotta keep up

DL, right?

Yeah.

So,

what's your favorite class?

Yeah? Yeah.

You've always been so smart.

See, you just have to apply yourself.

Not that hard.

I just don't know how I'm still struggling to get by, even with all your

the other classes.

It's just that you're not interested in it. You know, just take discipline.

You've got to force yourself to do what you don't want to do.

How about college parties?

I'm into a few.

Yeah?

They're fun.

Definitely different than high school parties.

How are they different?

Frat boys.

I don't know.

They're the worst, aren't they? At least you're not the type of girl that lives

in a sorority.

I dated one of those girls once.

So high maintenance.

You're a smart girl that just doesn't know how to stay focused.

You're really a catch.

I try.

No one likes an overachiever anyways.

Well, you just got to keep trying.

It's only four years.

You'll be in a career for the rest of your life. Trust me, it sucks.

Guess I can stick it out.

Yeah You

know, you

just gotta stick it out and really get it in there for as long as you can Deep

in the heart and yeah See there you go. There's something to hold your interest

Just got a

Make things interesting.

Sex is one good way to make things interesting, you know?

That is true.

That's cool for the Pratt boys.

You doing anything else fun?

I mean, these are like the years you're supposed to get involved in a bunch of

crazy stuff.

Wreck cars, do all kinds of crazy things.

Sounds like you're having fun.

I have been.

Here, your sandwich is ready. All right.

Thanks, sis.

You're the best.

So the parties are going well?

Mm -hmm. It's not like you're adjusting. You're fitting right in.

I mean, you don't want to be a sorority girl.

Mm -hmm. No.

That's good, so You making it to all your classes?

Do you have any tough syllabuses?

How about your exams? Have you been studying for anything?

I have not been studying, no.

No?

Well, I can't help you with those kids. I mean, you know, it's not like I can go

down there and take the test for you.

I know.

Well, we can go over

Some cheat sheets and you know, do your best.

I mean, I always cram the night before.

I'm a procrastinator myself.

It seemed to work out for me.

Yeah, I mean, I think you got this. You'll be fine with the exam.

And thank you for the challenge.

Of course.

You're the best.

That seems like a lot to remember.

Plant classification.

Let's go back to history. That's easy for me.

Do you have like a cheat sheet you can study? I can quiz you.

Yeah.

Yeah. Kiss me with this.

Okay.

Alright, how long ago do historians estimate the first settlers arrived on

is now American soil?

12 ,000 years ago.

12 ,000 years ago, that's correct, but this is a little outdated because it was

actually a long time before that I took archaeology in college.

Number two, how did indigenous tribes get here, into the continent?

The Mayflower?

No, that was the settlers from Europe. The indigenous tribes came

here from Asia over the land bridge called the Bering Strait.

I think you just need to know the land bridge. It doesn't have

the name in here.

All right, so number three.

When did Christopher Columbus land in what would later become the United

1874?

No, it was 1492, actually. But most historians agree that he landed in what

not today North America.

It would be Central and South America.

That's not correct. He landed in Hispaniola.

Caribbean islands.

Where did you get this?

What is the oldest European -founded city in the United States?

I don't know.

St. Augustine, Florida, founded in 1565 by Don Pedro Menendez.

Yeah, you're doing great.

Who was the first European to land in North America?

Christopher Columbus?

Close. No, a different European.

Leif Erikson, the Viking. They got here before Christopher Columbus did.

Yeah, he came from Norway in the 10th century.

What five European countries formed colonies in what would later become part

of the United States?

Greece?

Nope, that's not right.

Try some other European countries.

Denmark?

The Netherlands,

right next door.

We all speak English, so England is obviously one of the countries.

And then there's France, Russia, and Spain.

Doing good. Here, stand up.

Let's just...

to feel more comfortable.

That's better.

Keep going.

Okay, so, you remember Pocahontas?

Yeah. What tribe was he from?

Um, I don't know.

I don't either, and it's right in front of me.

Powhatan. Oh.

Yeah. Okay.

Yeah.

Remember that one.

Who did Pocahontas marry?

John Smith?

You would think, no, but it's John Rolfe, a tobacco planner that nobody's

heard of.

Okay.

First American colony. That. That is...

Jamestown? Jamestown, that's correct.

And what king was that named after?

King James III?

The first, very close.

What year was the Jamestown settlement established?

Was that 1607?

Very good.

And then why did the pilgrims come to America?

To...

And why were they doing that?

Because they got kicked out of where they were.

For what reason?

Yeah, I don't know why.

It was a religious reason.

Okay. So they were coming here to find religious freedom.

The Protestant Church of England.

What was the name of the pilgrim's first ship?

You know this one.

No, that's the Mayflower.

That's the Mayflower. Good job.

See,

you got this.

You can use stimulation so that you can memorize everything.

colony. What year?

Yeah.

Um, 1587.

Close.

1619.

Okay. But it was one of those years in the 1500s.

I was close.

Yeah.

I mean, I can't think of anything else that happened in the 1600s to be fair.

How many people were killed in the Salem Witch Trial? Do you remember what that

was? Um... 78?

Um... No.

20 people were executed and 5 people died in jail.

I've never heard that before.

Do you know what they were about?

I don't know.

It was like in Massachusetts.

The witch trials? Yeah.

Well, there was a really bad witch in the West, and she fought with the witch

from the East.

That's correct.

I think they were hung on the Yellow Brick Road, actually.

So what ultimately ended the Salem witch trials?

I don't know. Did they have, like, a trial?

Well, the colony's governor ordered the child to an end after his own wife was

accused of being a witchcraft.

Yeah. Sounds like karma. What a douchebag.

I think you're doing good.

I don't want to skip that one.

How many original colonies existed in America? That's an easy one.

Thirteen. Thirteen, that's correct.

What was the first governing document of the United States later

replaced by the U .S. Constitution?

It's not the Declaration of Independence, is it? No, that was first.

Okay. Then they made this after they signed the Treaty with Britain.

And that didn't work, and it fell apart. And then 13 years later, they created

the Constitution.

And that was called the Articles of Confederation.

Okay.

Where was the Constitutional Convention held?

In Washington, D .C.

That's correct.

Built in 1803.

Who was the first president to declare war?

Was that George Washington?

That's correct.

Okay.

How

many

battles did George Washington win?

Seven. That's correct.

Okay, which president signed the Indian Removal Act?

Was that Abraham Lincoln?

That's correct.

Not always remembered for something good, huh?

What was the first war that America was involved in after the

Independence War?

World War I.

Close. It was 100 years earlier.

It's the only war that hasn't...

Year in the name.

The Battle of 18... Seven... Twelve. Twelve. Yes, that's correct.

You're doing great.

See, sis, what would you do without me?

I don't know. I'd be failing all my classes.

The shortest serving U .S. President was who?

That's kind of hard.

Richard Nixon?

No.

That was a little bit later.

This was William Henry Harrison. He got elected in 1841.

He gave a speech that lasted a really long time, and he got pneumonia, and he

only served for 31 days.

But I feel like it's not really important information.

When was the first U .S. dollar printed?

That's something you should know.

1864?

Very close.

1862. Wow.

Yeah.

That's oddly close to the year that Lincoln was assassinated.

I wonder if there's a connection there.

I never put those two together.

How many people were killed?

In the battle called Antietam.

Forty -three?

A thousand.

Oh, wow.

Yeah.

When was the first time the Liberty Bell rang?

Eight.

1893.

That's correct.

What else happened in 1893?

I don't know.

I don't know either, but George Washington was elected president in

Okay, that's not too long before.

So that means he served for eight years. When did the second president get

elected?

After his term?

Yep. That would be 1899.

Oh, whoops, I messed up the century.

1799. 1799, okay.

Yeah, doing great.

All right, we've got all those.

Any more?

Who was the Confederate president during the Civil War?

I know this one.

There were two.

There was only one.

Well, two presidents of the U .S., right?

Yeah.

The one from the bottom, was it... John

B... No, Jefferson.

Jefferson. Okay.

Yeah, just, uh...

Think about different people with the same first name.

Okay. That should help.

When was the Emancipation Proclamation issued?

1798?

Close.

1863.

1863.

Okay. When did the Civil War end?

The Civil War ended 1894.

That's correct.

When was World War I?

World War I was 1912.

Close.

1916.

Okay.

For the rest of the world. I think we joined in 1913.

When did it end?

1930.

1919. Yeah. Good job.

You're doing great.

What state seceded from Virginia in 1863?

West Virginia?

That's correct.

What country gifted the United States

the Statue of Liberty?

That would be France.

That's correct.

See? I think you're doing great.

I'm getting kind of tired from all the studying.

Yeah? Can we go rest?

Good thing I was here to help.

What are nerdy little brothers for, right?

Thanks for all the help, little bro. I couldn't pass class without you.

Anytime.

Better get started on those four book reports.

Alright, you get some rest and make sure you go to those parties, okay?

Are you sure?

Yeah.

You just go have fun. I'll take care of all the work, alright?

Thank you You're welcome