Original subtitles

No.

No.

No.

Good morning, Lord Effing.

Oh, good morning, good morning.

Here's a telegram for you.

A telegram for me?

Yes, thank you, thank you.

Read it to me, will you?

Percy and I are leaving for States today.

Oh, dear old Percy.

Lovely fellow, Percy.

Percy who?

Well, I don't know.

The telegram has signed Edith Fitzbatten.

Oh, Edith Fitzbatten.

Yes, Edith is, you lovely girl.

Thank you, thank you.

Percy and I are leaving for States today.

You said that before.

Stop.

Percy, you really need some rest.

Stop.

However, I've persuaded him to do all he can to help.

I see.

Stop.

We'll send the arrival time later.

Stop.

Say, do you mind if I hang my hat here?

Well, I didn't think it would bother you, thank you.

Signed, Edith Fitzbatten.

No, stop.

Please, please.

It's all the inefficiency in the world.

Oh, good morning, Lord Epping.

Oh, good morning, my son.

Say, what's the matter with that girl?

What happened?

She kept telling me to stop, and honestly, I hadn't even started.

Well, what was she doing?

She was reading, Miss Telegram.

May I see it?

Of course, of course, of course.

Montreal, Canada, Lord Epping-Badus.

Percy and I leaving for states today. Stop.

Percy in urgent need of rest. Stop.

However, I have persuaded him to do all he can to help. Stop.

We'll wire time arrival later.

That's fine. That's fine.

Fine? Dear me, don't you think it's a little bit on the short side?

No, no, no, I mean it's fine about Fitzbatten coming down from Canada to help us

out.

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Tell me, who's this Edith?

Edith?

Oh, yes, that's his sister.

You know, there was a time when she and I were just like this.

You mean like this?

No, no, like this.

Well, who's that in the middle?

That's her father.

That's rather crisp, don't you think?

I've just been reviewing our financial statements, and it seems we could use

additional working capital.

That is, if Percy agrees to assist us.

Oh, I see, which means, naturally.

Yes, as you can see, on January 12th, we had a deficit of $3,075.

Good for you.

Then on August 15th, we had another deficit of $255.

September 3rd, a deficit of $640.

Then on October 12th...

October 12th?

October 12th.

Just a moment, something is bothering me.

October 12th, there's something here, I'm sure.

October, October 12th, 12th, 12th.

There it is, just as I suspected.

What is that?

I should be hunting.

Hunting, now?

Yes, of course.

Of course, of course.

It's a date I made some time ago, you see.

Yes, but your lordship, what about the fifth patents?

Oh, you entertain until I return, my dear son.

Just a moment.

I'm so confused for the moment.

Are you there?

Oh, yes, yes, of course, of course, of course.

Look, I have my secretary.

Oh, you are my secretary.

Well, what are you doing out there?

Come on in here.

What do you think of this, lordship?

Yes, tear it up, yes.

What do you want?

Who are you?

I'm your secretary.

Oh, yes, yes.

Well, I'll have Harcourt load all my hunting things in the station wagon

immediately.

Yes, Lord Epping.

Don't you tell me to stop.

No, sir.

What hunting things?

Guns and things like guns.

Oh, Mr. Harcourt, Lord Epping wants you to load up his guns.

Load up his guns?

That's what he said.

Thank you.

Yes, but what about the Fitzbattons?

Well, what about them?

Don't you think they'll be upset if you're not here to meet them?

Well, you meet them.

Take them up to my house in Glenby Bay.

There's servants and everything up there.

I give you power of attorney.

Yes, but in the first place, I don't know them.

And secondly, don't you think they're much more important than hunting?

What?

You are not going to compare the Fitzbattons with a lovely moose?

A moose?

Yes, moose.

Do you know what a moose is?

It's one of those things you hang a hat on.

Like a moose, you see.

One of those things you hang a hat on.

Oh, yes, you know, I'll never forget the last time I was moose hunting in the

backwoods.

It was frightful undergrowth, fearful.

We'd been gone for about four or five days before we got the call of the moose.

Oh, it's the moose, you see.

Yes, the dogs seem to scent this moose, and immediately they start to bark, you see.

The moment they did, I got down on my hands and knees, you know, and I crawled and

crawled through this brush, you see, crawled, crawled.

Then I was crawling, and then I came face to face with...

It's the game warden, I think.

Do you have a license?

Your gun, sir.

Oh, it's you, Harker.

Oh, thank you, thank you so much, sir.

Thank you, thank you.

Is there anything else, sir?

Yes, get me a plane immediately, will you?

Yes, sir.

For the moment, I thought it was the game warden.

Oh, say, my gun!

Where's my...

He's forgotten.

Oh, there it is.

Oh, you had it, eh?

Now, to get back to the Fitzbattons.

There's something I'd like to point out to you.

Hey, hey, look out.

They might be loaded.

Oh, the Fitzbattons loaded?

No.

Oh, I should say not.

Percy very likely is, but not Edie.

Oh, no.

She carries her load like a lady.

No, no, no.

I mean the gun.

Oh, nonsense.

Look out, that might go off.

If it did, it'd blow my head off, would it?

Don't be silly.

Especially would.

Don't you know an experienced hunter never leaves a loaded gun lying around?

Well, I'll prove it to you here.

Point it and begin to pull the trigger.

No, no, no, there might have been some oversight.

All right, I'll point the gun at you and pull the trigger.

That's better.

Hey, hey, look out, look out.

Oh, dear me, gun-shy, ain't too bad to...

I want to show you a beautiful barrel.

Oh, dear, that's a beautiful...

Hello.

Something wrong here.

Seems to be an obstruction.

Well, I'll take care of that.

There we are.

It's what we call a ramrod, old son.

Yes, a ramrod.

That takes care of that.

Yes, sir.

Now it's all right.

Hey, it still seems to be there.

Well, it's all right.

I'll take care of that, old son.

Dear me, I'm so exasperated, I'm ready to blow up.

Aye, sir.

Well.

Well, anyway, you must admit I dislodged it.

Surreal!

I'm so exasperated, I'm so exasperated, I'm so exasperated, I'm so exasperated, I'm

so exasperated, I'm so exasperated, I'm so exasperated, I'm so exasperated, I'm so

exasperated, I'm so exasperated, I'm so exasperated. I'm so exasperated. I'm so

exasperated. I'm so exasperated. I'm so exasperated. I'm so exasperated. I'm so

exasperated. I'm so exasperated. I'm so exasperated. I'm so exas.

Well, so the old man took off without warning, huh?

Boy, he certainly must love moose hunting.

Puts me in a terrible spot, Uncle Matt.

Why?

Well, the Fitzbattons are very important people.

Fitzbattons?

Yes.

Fitzbattons?

Aye, aye, never heard of them.

There's a lot you haven't heard of.

Oh.

Read that.

What's this?

That's who's who.

What are you going to do?

I'm not going to do anything.

That's who's who.

Who's who?

So, you know, I think you've got a little bit of an owl in you.

I should have.

I've stayed awake enough nights waiting for you to come home.

Oh, I'm sorry.

That's better.

Yeah, from now on, I'll stay out all night.

Oh, Dennis, Max has got some ducats for the prize fight tonight.

How about taking the Fitzbattons along?

I don't think they go in for that sort of a thing, Uncle Matt.

Oh, Matthew, how vulgar.

A prize fight.

Oh.

Careful to think of your blood pressure.

How could anyone be so bourgeois to go somewhere just for a fight?

I don't have to go anywhere just for a fight.

I should hope not.

Oh.

I can stay home.

I wonder where Carmelita is.

I don't know.

It's hard enough to keep track of your uncle, let alone your wife.

Oh, in all probability, she's still up on the roof.

On the roof?

Watching the painters again, I'll bet.

I found them both up there yesterday.

And, if you please, they were helping the painters.

Well, so what?

Even you yourself said you'd like to study painting.

Hello, everybody.

See, Uncle Matt, I found out how to work it.

Oh, yeah, that's so.

Yeah.

Yeah, and it doesn't go the way you tried it.

It goes like this.

Watch.

Oh, well, something like that.

You'll have to pull off those, break your neck.

I can be able to tell us what if they should see you.

I already saw that snooty woman that lives upstairs.

She was taking a bath when I went by.

Oh, dear.

Dennis, you always said she has such a nice figure.

You ought to see her without her girdle on.

Oh, girdle.

You mean girdle.

The lady wears a girdle.

Why, Uncle Matt.

What?

How do you know what she wears, huh?

Oh, I think I sat down.

Don't you think you're a little too, uh, too, uh...

Too what?

Unladylike is the word.

Huh?

Right.

As we grow older, we must become more dignified.

You mean I got to be all indignified?

Well, yes.

Oh.

Ah!

Like Candela?

Well, of course.

You wouldn't see her doing a thing like that, would you?

Oh, no, Dennis.

Well, if I got to be old like Candela and dignified, then I don't want to be

dignified, because I don't want to be old.

You go ahead.

You get old.

Not me.

I'm going to be young all my life.

Isn't that right, Uncle Matt?

But you're right.

There.

I've never been so insulted.

Well, I'm awfully sorry, Andella.

Well, that's what you get for sticking your nose in other people's business.

Matthew, Lindsay, don't you dare try to blame me for what's happened.

Oh.

Wouldn't it have been nice if the Fitzbattons had seen all this?

If so much depends on the impression you make on the Fitzbattons, I think it'd be

better if they didn't meet Carmelita.

What?

Or you.

Who, me?

Yes, you.

I think you should tell Carmelita to stay away from the Fitz...

Andella, I couldn't do a thing like that to Carmelita.

If Carmelita figures the way I do, she'd be bored stiff.

She likes that snooty stuff.

Take her up there with you.

She'd just lap it up.

Matthew, you make me sick.

You're no antidote.

You know, Uncle Matt, I think Andella's right at that.

I couldn't explain it to Carmelita.

Well, tell her I'm not going up there either.

She'd understand.

I'll take her to the fight.

Okay.

What's going on?

Della!

Della, grab me!

Stop me!

Oh!

What are you doing?

What are you playing I'm doing?

I'm hanging around the house.

Well, here we are.

I wonder where that real estate man is.

I phoned him.

We were coming.

It's certainly a dreary-looking place.

Not exactly the spot for a good case of nerves, if that's what Mr. Fitzpatten has.

Oh, he's got more than that.

Aunt Della, he's got more money than cents.

And you know how the firm could use a little fresh money right now.

So let's do everything we can to make them happy.

Of course.

That's exactly why I didn't want Matthew and Carmelita here.

No, no.

It must be the win.

Hello there.

You're the Lindseys, I presume.

Yes.

My name is Baskin.

I'm the real estate man.

How do you do?

Can I help you with your luggage?

Oh, thanks.

I guess the servants didn't hear us drive up.

Of course not.

Because there are no servants.

No servants?

That's right.

Since when?

Oh, they've been gone about a year.

No one's been around here since.

I wrote Lord Epping about it, but I guess he forgot it.

You'll excuse me.

Yeah, he would.

It's like being in a morgue.

If it was me, I certainly wouldn't want to stay in a place like this very long.

Well, look at this place, Mr. Baskin.

What are we going to do for servants?

Isn't there anyone in the neighborhood we can get in?

Well, confidentially, ma'am, I don't know of anyone who would work here.

You see, the place has acquired a sort of a bad name.

A bad name?

Well, perhaps I shouldn't have said that.

Well, you won't be needing me anymore, so I'll see you later, I hope.

Good day.

Goodbye.

Goodbye?

Oh, yeah, that's just the same as saying good day.

Look, I'll take the bags upstairs and I'll light you a nice fire, Aunt Ella.

It's just an old suit of armor, that's all.

Dennis, I swear, it walked right towards me.

I still think we ought to go back to town.

Now, listen, Aunt Ella, the only thing we have to worry about is getting some

people here to help us clean up this place.

Why do you always worry about things like that?

Nothing to worry about Dennis, no, just an old suit of armor.

How's it coming?

There's the most beautiful batch of soup I've ever mixed.

Look out, it's boiling over.

Dope.

You know how explosive that stuff is.

All you have to do is breathe the wrong way around it, and it'll blow the house to

pieces.

What's up?

Some of Epping's friends moved in.

Upstairs?

Yeah.

Well, isn't that dandy?

We'd better clear out.

Wait.

What are we going to do with all this stuff we've got down here?

I've got to stay down here until I can find another hideout.

Where are we going to sleep?

Down here.

Well, sleep down here after those marvelous bedrooms upstairs?

Not me.

That won't be good for my arthritis.

No.

The pen won't be so good for your arthritis either, if anyone sees you.

It'll be perfectly all right down here.

And leave my alma mater out of it.

Who are you calling out, Della?

We've got to stay and clean up this place.

I'm going to ask Matt to meet the Fitzpattons.

Long distance, please.

Hello, who's this?

Who's...

Oh!

Hello, my little owl face.

Hey!

What's on your mind?

You want me to do what?

Oh, say, I couldn't do anything like that.

Oh, no, no.

Now she wants me to take the Fitzbatons out there.

I can't leave here.

You've just got to help me, Matthew.

Well, all right, all right.

I'll help you out just this once.

But on one condition.

I don't want those people to know that I'm your husband.

I still have a little pride left, you know.

Yes, all right, all right.

I'll bring him out.

Well?

I suppose I've got to do it.

I know what I'll do.

I'll give him a nickname.

Every time this landlord throws a party, it's all about do this and do that.

I declare, I don't know how they get along without knowing anything.

I don't know what she's doing on this trip without me.

I'm always the one who has the answers.

And the conversation, too.

It's a little Francisco. It's all right.

Go!

Edith, why don't they answer the door?

Oh, Percy, give them time. Don't be so impatient.

Impatient? Who's impatient? I'm just like Joan.

Have you boiled it?

Of course. No, I haven't.

It's about time they answered the bell.

That's the trouble with the servants as they get older.

They lose their hearing, can't walk fast, and always make mistakes.

Stop gaping!

This place is going to be awful for my nerves.

Where is your mistress?

What do you mean?

Please, don't shout! I have a weak heart.

Excuse me.

Oh, Miss Fitzbatten, I presume?

I'm Dennis Lindsay, and this is my Aunt Della Lindsay.

Oh.

How do you do, sir?

I'm so sorry.

This is Percy, my brother. He's a bit nervous.

A little nervous?

Well, a doctor said I had the worst nerves he'd ever seen.

If you'll excuse me, I'll have the staff bring your things.

His lordship's valet and maid are coming with them, Mrs. Lindsay.

His lordship's valet and maid.

Mrs. Lindsay will show them where to put everything, Hubble.

Yes, ma'am.

Hubble?

Please, don't shout.

Excuse me, I'll show you to your room.

You may leave my things alone, Maria.

Yes, ma'am.

Maria, excuse me.

What's going on?

I'm the lady's maid, and he's the butler.

You see, Dennis?

This is awful.

Let's get the baton.

You shouldn't be up here.

Hello, Mr. Pat has lost.

You know the maid, right?

Yes, sir, yes, sir.

I see.

Oh, my nerves!

I'm sorry, sir.

It's alright.

Oh, wait, Mr. Nervs, this way.

Fitzpatten, as you wish.

Mr. Fitzpatten, your room is at the end of the hall.

I hope you don't mind.

Oh!

Dennis, show me the fitzfatton in his room.

Oh!

Swearer, what do you mean by this?

What was the fitzfattons?

Oh, now, sweetie pie, sweetie pie.

Now, look, you told me you didn't want anybody to know our relationship, did you?

You ruined it.

Oh, ruin it.

They won't suspect them.

You know, I didn't want you to follow me up here.

I don't believe you understand.

You see, I'm not the maid, old man.

Percy!

Yes?

The maid tells me Lord Epping is in Canada hunting moose.

Hunting moose?

But he's supposed to be here.

Well, if that's all Basil thinks of us...

But he was called away quite unexpectedly.

And we are leaving quite unexpectedly.

We're leaving.

Immediately.

Maria, get my things.

Come on.

What do you want?

Yes, sir.

My bag.

I wish you wouldn't leave.

No, it's really no use, old boy.

Edith's quite insulted and my nerves are afraid to a tassel.

But it's just a mistake, I assure you.

I wish you'd wait, sir.

I expect to hear from his lordship any minute now.

No, I'm afraid I...

There's the phone now.

Phone?

Yes.

Well, I didn't hear it.

You didn't?

No, I always jump when I hear a phone ring.

Really?

Yes, I always do.

Can you imagine that?

I never fail.

You see?

Yes.

Would you mind?

Why, of course.

Thank you.

Now, what am I doing?

Lord Epping's president, Hubble speaking.

Who is this, please?

Oh, Lord Epping's office.

Yes.

He's on his way up here right now.

Well, good, good.

Thank you, Sir Mars.

That was Lord Epping's officer.

His lordship is on his way up here right now.

Oh, he's on his way up here, is he?

Yes.

Arrive here any moment now.

What was that?

It was a knock.

Oh, no, it wasn't.

No.

No, I always jump when I hear a knock.

Well, you did jump.

Why, I did.

That's right.

Thank you.

All right.

Are you ready, Percy?

No.

No.

His lordship will be here any minute.

You'd better wait.

You think so?

Positively.

Thank you.

Oh, wait a minute.

Don't you think we should wait?

Yes.

I want to give Basil a piece of my mind.

Let's wait in the living room, shall we?

All right.

Take your grips upstairs.

Oh, no.

You let them stay right there until we make sure that Basil shows up.

Oh.

Pardon me, sir?

Yes.

Your grip?

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

Here, let me help you.

What are you up to now?

Oh, I'm going to go on.

Oh, Mr. Fitzbatten.

Oh, boy, that was a pretty tight hug, no?

Tight squeeze, you mean, yes.

Uncle Matt, you know everything.

Yes, I wish I knew a way to get out of this one.

Oh, but everything is going to be onky- donky now that Lord Epping is on his way.

But Lord Epping is not on his way.

Uncle Matt, you mean to tell me you told a lie?

Again?

Hey?

Come here.

I told him that Lord Epping was on his way up here so he wouldn't leave.

Now I've got to figure out some way to hold him.

Lord Epping's up in the calendar so he can't show up.

Oh.

Oh, yes he can.

Oh, now don't be silly.

How can he be in porno down here at the same time?

I know once before he was in two places at the same time.

When?

How can you?

Oh.

No.

You mean the time I put on a wig and made myself look like him?

Uh-huh.

And you fooled everybody, remember?

Yeah, and I darned him went to jail too, remember?

Well, I'll never do that again.

Good luck. Okay. Thank you.

I'm in trouble enough as it is.

Well, I think maybe.

If Lord Epping doesn't show up, we're going to be in more trouble anyway.

And Dennis will lose his business deal.

You better do it.

Oh, dear, dear.

Well, where am I going to get a wig?

I got lots of hair.

I cut off some of mine.

Oh, darling, you can't do anything like that.

And besides, Lord Epping's hair is a peculiar shade.

It's a funny color.

It's like a, well, like that dog.

Like him?

Well?

Come on.

Come on, you sweet little.

Close the door.

Oh, good man.

I got him.

Shut up, stool pigeon.

Oh, look, Uncle Matt, we got plenty.

I bet your life.

What are we going to stick it on?

Oh, on you.

No, no, gracious me, no.

Too bad my hair's so thin.

But who wants fat hair?

Fat hair.

Give me that bust.

What did you say?

Get that statue over there.

Oh, here it is.

That's the girl.

Hold this, will you?

Okey-doke.

Look out now.

I guess it looks alright, huh?

Oh, I think so.

Let's try it on.

Okay.

Give me a hand.

Sure, I'll help you.

Come here.

Here, here.

Picture it?

Here.

Oh, that looks swell.

Hey, where's your molo loco?

Where's my what?

You know, your eyes are like windows.

Oh, do you mean my spectacles?

Oh, you have such a funny way with words.

Here's your hat.

Here.

Here.

Is everything alright, do you think, old Bean?

Oh, you look rather doggy.

Yes, I smell like one too.

Come on, you'd better get out of here so you can come back in.

Come on.

Wait a minute.

I should see if anyone is outside.

Go ahead.

Oh, goodbye.

Who's there?

Yes.

Excuse me.

It's quite alright, sir, quite alright.

Cheerio.

You're out then before you ring the bell.

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.

I think we've waited quite long enough because...

What was that?

That must be Lord Epping.

Excuse me, I'll answer the doorbell.

Well, haven't you any servants around here to answer the bell?

Oh, of course, yes.

Lightning?

Yes, sir?

Answer the doorbell.

Yes, ma'am.

Good afternoon, I'm Lord Epping.

Your lordship!

Oh, we're so glad to see you.

Remember, you're not as young as you used to be, you know.

In fact, you never were.

Oh, Basil!

Well, well, well, well.

Oh, hello there.

Lord Epping.

Where is he?

Oh, well, Epping.

Glad to see you.

Frightfully nice seeing you.

How are your nerves?

They're horrible, horrible.

I know just how you feel.

My nerves are all over the place, too.

You don't know anything about them.

I've had mine all over the world.

Nothing but an amateur.

Basil, haven't you forgotten something?

I don't think so.

You've forgotten something?

I don't know.

Aren't you going to kiss me, Basil?

Oh, I say.

Oh, don't be such a bashful old cousin.

You're a naughty boy.

Why weren't you here to meet me?

We haven't met since that time in Montreal.

Remember?

Yes, I remember.

I'll bet you don't.

No, yes, I do, yes.

I'll bet you don't.

Oh, do you remember?

Excuse me.

The cops are here again. Oh my, big one, don't you think we could get hobbled to

take these things back upstairs again? Why, of course we can't. Yeah, hobble,

hobble. Well, what do you want?

Oh, he's never around. You want is that your dog? No, that's Della, the dog. Dog,

oh no, no, no. But don't you love dogs? Oh, I love them very much. A nippy little

fellow, isn't he? Yes, yes. I say, by the way, would you mind taking the.

Fitzbattens and entertaining them till I run upstairs and brush up a bit? Don't be

too long, Battle. No, you can't have it. Hey, Uncle Matt, you're doing alright.

Everything's gonna be onky-donky. She keeps on nothing. Where's gonna be alright,

Uncle Matt? Why did she whisper in your ear? I don't say those things. Since when?

Della.

What are you doing here?

Oh, I thought I heard Lord Epping's voice.

If you don't want to cause Dennis any more trouble, you better keep out of sight.

Hello there, sweetie pie.

Don't you sweetie pie me.

Why, what's the matter? Didn't Lord Epping arrive yet?

He did.

Well.

What if he sees you?

You know you're not his servant.

Listen, don't worry. He'll never see us.

Oh, let me help you, Uncle Matt.

Huh?

Why, you nasty little...

Oh, no, no, no.

Oh, no, how tickly he's got.

Oh, you know how tickly he's got.

Oh, no, no, no.

Who's he up there?

No wonder she was late answering the doorbell.

Oh, you should have seen him in my knees.

Oh, you little red...

Just a minute, ma'am.

Don't you call me mad.

Hold still, hold still.

I'll get in this time, hold still.

Yeah, I got him that time.

Mosquitoes are terrible around me.

There you be, trudging some snow, pneumonia staring me in the face.

I say, Harkorn!

Why, Lord Epping, we didn't expect you back so soon.

Yeah, well, they didn't expect me up there so soon either.

Let me have that appointment book.

Is there anything wrong, Your Lordship?

Anything wrong?

Just a matter of 364 days, that's what's wrong.

Yes, yes, yes, my moose hunting appointment is for next year.

Hang it off.

Where's Mr. Lindsay?

He's up with the Fitzbattons, your lordship.

Up there with the Fitzbattons?

Oh, I say, why don't you let me know this?

I could have popped over there in a jiffy when I was in Canada.

But the Fitzbattons are here, your lordship.

Oh, they are.

Oh, well, then send them in, send them in.

You can't keep important people like the Fitzbattons waiting, you know.

They're at your country estate, my lord.

Well, I say, why didn't you inform me?

I'm meant to be there, honestly, get out of my way.

Regarding all the incompetent people in my life.

Anyone care for a game of bridge?

Would you?

No, no.

I'm sure Lord Epping would prefer poker.

Now, that sounds good to me.

Excellent, I'll set up the table.

Thank you.

Now you can get your revenge on Percy.

Hmm?

Do you remember?

Yes, I remember.

Oh, yes, yes.

How about a quiet game of Penny Ante?

That's as amusing as ever.

Oh, that sounds lovely.

When shall we begin?

You mean, when do we start?

Well, you're in for a...

Fine drubbing, Percy, old boy.

You got the cards?

Already.

Say, you know, you must think an awful lot of that dog, old boy, the way he follows

you about.

Oh, yes, we have something in common, you know.

Yes, yes, come on, I get rid of him.

Come on, son, come on.

Do you have change for a dollar?

Change for a dollar?

Mm-hmm.

This is a duel, old boy.

When Epic and I play cards together, we play for blood.

Blood? That's a transfusion.

Oh, is it my deal?

Oh, yes, thank you.

Do you mind if we make this a twosome?

Not at all, not at all.

No, I thought you wouldn't mind.

Yes, indeed, I'll see you later.

Yes, I hope you get change for that dollar.

There we are.

There we are, cousin.

All right.

What'll it be?

Stud as usual, and bury the first card.

Bury the first card, yes.

There you are.

I'll bet 50.

I'll see that 50 and raise you 50.

Yes, and I'm going to raise you...

Oh, dear, I think you've made a mistake, old son.

You've put down a hundred-dollar bill.

Well, I think you've made a mistake, old son.

You've put down a dollar bill.

So come up with a hundred smackers.

A hundred?

All right.

Oh, dear me, I've mislaid my wallet.

Do you mind if I go and get it and buy the coat?

You haven't changed a bit, have you, Basil?

And neither have I.

I still pay with cash.

Yes, I know, I know.

I'll get my wallet.

If I had it.

Oh, there you are.

Do you have any money?

Sure, let me have it.

I think I can cover it.

Uncle Mad, you promised Andella you'd stop betting on those races.

Races?

This is great, they're back to back.

Oh, that's too bad.

No, no, that's good.

You've got a good hand.

It's a good story, you know. Okay, you can get my mad money. Mad money, say ten

bucks. Not very mad, are you? You gotta have a couple hundred. Listen, Andela took

a lot of money out of the bank to pay all those bills, I think. But I don't think…

what do you mean? I think, but I don't think. I know you know what I know. She

wouldn't give it to you, Uncle Mad, but she would give it to Lord Epin. Catch on?

Where is she? In the trophy room. Go in and watch that guy doesn't take a peek at

my car, will you? Okay, I know it says it's back in front. I know it's an old

bowler knife that Lord Epin brought back from Borneo some time ago.

Look here.

Oh, Damian, I'm in a bit of a pickle.

What is it?

Well, it's about Matthew.

What happened to Matthew?

How much money do you have?

Oh, about $375.

That'll be enough for now.

For now?

You see, he borrowed money from me about a year ago.

He did?

I'll give him a piece of my mind.

You can't spare it.

What?

Now, look here.

You don't want to embarrass me, do you?

No.

Well, don't say a word about it.

Oh, no.

You couldn't have peeked at his whole card, could you?

I don't have to.

No, no, it wouldn't be ethical, would it?

Oh, no, it's a go.

It's a go.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Here we are.

Hello.

Well, Marie, you've located these chips.

Now we won't have to play with cash.

Oh, good.

Let me see.

There's 400, 600.

Oh, I should say 1,000 would be enough to start with, don't you think?

Yes, in a small way.

Now, we'll each buy $1,000 worth of chips.

There's the money for mine.

Yes.

And you put $1,000 in there like a good little boy.

Oh, yes.

There we are.

Let me take your hands off that money.

Now it's up to you.

Yes, now let me see.

There we go.

I see you all raised, and I'll raise you that.

Hmm.

You could have an ace in the hole, you know.

Yes, I could, yes.

Thank you.

And it could be a deuce.

Could be, could be.

This is a money talk, you know.

All right, so I'll just see that race.

There you are.

There we go.

Uh-oh, a pair of jockeys.

Ah, a pair of toothes.

Well, this is just like old times, isn't it?

You know, you're trying to bluff me.

Oh, really? Do you think I could?

I'm much too cagey for you.

Yeah, that's good.

Talk.

I'll bet on that.

Okay.

It's it, it's it, just a moment.

Let me see.

There you are.

It's up to you, you know.

Hmm.

Come on, don't dawdle.

I'm not dawdling, I'm thinking.

Oh.

I'll give you a call.

That's good, yes.

Do you mind?

Sure.

Thank you.

Basil, I have a surprise for you.

Now, don't interrupt the game, Edith.

You left this pipe on the veranda the last night we spent in the moonlight.

Remember?

Yes, yes, yes.

All these years, I've kept this tobacco and my memories fresh.

Have you liked it?

Yes, ma'am.

I don't think I care for the smoke right now, thank you.

Oh, go on, Basil.

Oh, come on and puff.

Let's get on with the game.

You did have me beaten, didn't you?

Yes.

Two Zs.

Sure, two Cs Aces.

Two Cs Aces.

Well, that's that.

One, Basil.

Puff.

Puff.

Yes, go on and puff.

Yeah.

What is it, a part of a horsehair blanket?

It's the same old tobacco that you smoked before.

It is, eh? It tastes like it's been smoked before.

Good evening. Who are you?

I'm Lightning.

Never mind about the weather. I'm Lord Eppin.

Yes, I know that.

What I'm trying to figure is how did you get out here?

I flew.

Flew?

Yes. Where's everybody?

They're in the living room.

Oh, good. Bring me up a drink.

Water?

Water?

Oh, dear. I never touch the business stuff.

No, make it scotch and soda.

Yes, sir.

Why, what is this?

Get out of here.

Get out if you forget the good gracious me.

I shall be terribly offended if you don't smoke this pipe, Basil.

Oh, I say.

In fact, you're acting so strangely, I'm beginning to think you don't want us here.

Oh, no, no, no.

Wish we hadn't come.

Oh, no, well, I wouldn't say that if I...

In fact, I haven't smoked a pipe in some time.

Well, who cares?

Well, I do.

If you'll excuse me for a moment, I'll be right back.

You see, I told you not to interrupt this game.

Now, look where we are.

Oh, I don't smoke that pipe, it'll hit the ceiling.

And if I do...

Your stomach will hit the ceiling.

You bet your life.

Why does an epic smoke cigarettes?

Uncle Matt, that's it.

What?

I go and get some cigarette tobacco and put it in there.

Do that, will you?

Go out of my mouth.

Oh, no.

Oh, I say, come here.

Get me a drink, will you?

Yes, sir.

I know what you mean.

What?

Come here, come here.

What do you mean by this?

Scotch and soda.

Scotch?

What, do you think I am, an inebriate?

No, sir, you English.

Oh, scotch and soda.

I never drink the filthy stuff.

You never drink it?

No, please get me a glass of water.

Would you like a drink of water?

Water?

Come on, come on.

Yes, sir.

No, we're still...

Well, Edie, my dear, bless your soul, I'm so glad to see you.

And Percy, how are you feeling?

I hope I haven't kept you waiting too long.

Too long?

Yes, I wouldn't have made it without a tailwind, you know.

Yes, well, what's going on here?

What is this?

Well, are you ready to play?

Oh, you know me.

Poker!

What's that?

Oh, yes, of course, Josh.

Who do these belong to?

You, for the time being.

Oh, good, good for you.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Have you got something to play with here?

Oh, I see, my pipe.

Where the deuce did that come from?

You left it on the veranda.

I did on the veranda?

Well, what's it doing here?

I brought it to you.

Oh, bless your soul.

I'm so happy.

Well, shall we?

Shall we what?

Oh, yes.

What are you going to play?

Stan.

Oh, you prefer that?

Righto, you got a match?

I do love a pipe, you know.

Now you do love a pipe.

Oh, definitely, definitely, definitely.

Well, I'll bet these.

I see.

Oh, hello, where you look beautiful, charming girl.

Come, come, come, Basil.

Keep your mind on the game.

Oh.

Yes, you better go ahead with your game.

Yes.

Well, how have you been?

Good hour for you. Good hour, yes.

Boss?

Yes, yes.

Hey, but one thing that's worried me.

Do you want your water long or short?

Oh, I'll get it myself.

Yes.

Well, come, come, come now.

Are you going to see me?

Yes. Where?

Here.

Oh, yeah. How do you do?

Oh, that's silly. We're paying cards.

How do you do it?

Let me see. Well, I think I'll...

Oh, shall I, then, see?

Well, I don't know.

I fill your pipe, Loreppy.

Oh, thank you, thank you, my dear.

It's very nice of you.

You know, she thinks of everything.

I don't know what she thinks of, but the pipe was definitely my idea.

Oh, nonsense, Edith.

The pipe was invented by the Chinese or the Eskimos or somebody.

Oh, dear, that's frightful.

I'll go and get some of my own tobacco.

What's the matter with it now?

Oh, that's as weak as catnip tea.

Weak?

Yes.

Oh, then it doesn't taste as if you've been smoked with all.

Oh, dear, what a horrible thought.

And it doesn't taste like part of an old horsehair blanket?

Oh, that's revolting.

Oh, dear, keep out of the stables, dear.

Oh, I'm going to get myself a cup of coffee.

Coffee?

You don't mean to say you've learned to drink that stuff, coffee?

Oh, I hate coffee.

Don't go to sleep, O'Shaugh.

No, just...

Give me a nice cup of tea, yes, but how can they taste a generated coffee?

How in the deuce can they drink?

Drink?

It's not a bad idea.

Yes, yes.

Oh, there you are.

Get me a drink, will you?

Yes, sir. I'll get you a glass of water.

Oh, dear me. No, no, no. Make it a Scots and soda.

Yes, sir. But you said you never test that stuff.

I did?

Yes, sir. You sure did.

Oh, and why? Maybe I don't feel well.

Oh, dear me. Yes, that must be it.

How's my tongue?

It's wet.

Wet?

Oh, then I must be ill.

Oh, dear. Well, that being the case, make it a double of this and nothing of that.

Yes, sir.

And don't you ever mention water to me again, you hear?

No, sir.

You put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Yes, sir.

Dear me. Pipe? Pipe? Smoke it?

Yes, of course. My tobacco. There's the top of my room.

Yes, of course. Tobacco. That's what it's all there.

Oh, you see, what the deuce they come up here for?

I...

Oh.

Oh, I don't feel well.

Oh, I better lie down.

Princess, yes, I better lie down.

Oh, hello there, Edith, yes, yes.

I think I owe you an apology.

You certainly do.

Yes, I'm sorry I kept you waiting so long.

So long?

Yes, I had to get rid of the taste of that tobacco, you know, but frightfully

strong.

Strong?

Yes, really, honestly, it did taste like a horsehair blanket.

Basil, I think you had better keep out of the stables.

Stables? You don't mean kennel, do you?

You know perfectly well what I mean.

I don't know the dish you're talking about.

That is coffee.

Yes, I love coffee.

Give me a drink, give me a drink, give me a drink.

Yes, I know exactly what you want.

Give me a drink of water, water, water.

Now you want water.

Water, water, water.

So wish you'd heard make up my mind.

That settles it.

I'm going to catch in.

I think Basil has lost his mind.

What mind?

And don't bother me, I'm gone, I'm gone.

And so is my money.

What?

My money.

What money?

There was $2,000 in this buck just a few minutes ago.

And the thief can't be very far away.

Mrs. Lindsay!

Don't shout!

Remember your breeding.

Lindsay!

Lindsay!

We'll be game day!

We'll be right back.

What's the matter?

There are thieves in this house.

Percy's money has been stolen.

What money?

$2,000 disappeared from that box a moment ago.

Who had it last?

You're very kind.

She did.

Huh?

Oh, yes, you did.

I saw you.

Do you mind?

I think so.

Oh, no, I assure you, I'm horrified.

You're really helping Dennis' career.

Well, I assure you, I didn't take it.

We'll see about that.

Okay, you want to give me a fist?

Oh, how you...

Go ahead, shake me off.

Here, shake me off.

What?

Don't do that.

Three hundred, four hundred, five hundred, six hundred, seven hundred, ten cents, a

dollar and a quarter.

Where'd you get that dough?

I found it.

You went upstairs again?

Well, no and yes.

Give me that.

Listen, honest, I didn't steal it.

I found it upstairs in a poker chip box.

And it's going back before they miss it.

That will do.

You may go.

Yes.

Lord Epping.

Lord Epping!

Oh, yes, yes, yes.

Where's your manservant?

Yes, where is he?

I'll go look for him.

Don't you dare.

Why, he's the soul of honor.

I think in fairness to everyone, he should be questioned.

Oh, that shouldn't be necessary.

No, no, no, of course not.

No, I don't think so either.

I still think so.

Maria, go fetch him.

Well?

Don't you dare.

Oh, I say, this is rather a delicate situation, don't you know?

Oh, I wouldn't want to hurt the poor lad's feelings.

I'll go.

Me too.

You shouldn't do the...

You didn't do the...

Oh, lying again.

Hide some of the...

You're still getting yourself in a spot.

Don't worry, don't worry.

I'd love it.

Hubble.

Yes?

There's been some money stolen, so I hear.

I personally can vouch for Hubble's innocence.

I can understand that.

You should know.

Hubble, I don't know if Lord Epping explained.

Yes, he did, and he's very angry.

He told me that you said that I was a thief.

Ridiculous.

Oh, of course we're not sure.

Huh?

Yet.

We all know you're innocent, Hubble.

You may go.

Oh, no, you don't.

Pardon me.

I insist upon being searched.

That won't be necessary.

Oh, yes, it will.

I demand every shadow of doubt be removed.

Search me.

Go and search.

I insist upon being vindicated.

You hear?

I want to be vindicated.

Wait a minute.

I'll show you.

Nothing there, is there?

Nothing there.

Nothing there.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Nothing is more humiliating than to think I'm a thief.

Oh, man, I feel so sorry for him.

Just to make you feel better, I'll search you myself.

Put your hands up.

Oh, there's nothing there. I can see that.

Oh, it's him, it's me.

All right, Hubble.

Put him on.

You may go.

What did you do with it?

What?

I mean, what are you going to do about it?

The strain has been too much for you, Hubble. Run along.

Find Lord Epping and tell him I want to speak to him.

Well, I guess I'm out a thousand bucks.

I'm just looking.

Thanks, Lord.

Uncle, so you had the money.

Honestly, I don't know where I was from.

Uncle, I guess he just jumped into your pocket.

Yeah, and he must have.

Yeah, and then jumped right out again.

Oh, you drive.

Now, listen, before she searched me, it was in my pocket.

Then it was gone.

I don't know what happened.

It must have flown away.

Yeah, well, I'm there.

I say, if your money don't fly away, unless you're better on the horses.

Havo, I told you to find Lord Eddie.

He'll be right here.

Right away, ma'am.

Get that dog's hair.

Uncle Mark.

What?

It's gone.

Gone?

It's nothing but TikTok.

Havo!

Yes, sir.

Lord Eddie.

Right away.

Oh, boy.

Oh, boy.

Now what?

I don't know.

I'm sunk unless I can find a dog here.

Look.

What?

Hey, poochie, nice little poochie.

Look where you're going.

Hey, poochie, poochie.

Come on.

Come on, Uncle Malt.

Now.

Now, get him up.

Go, Uncle Malt.

Come here, poochie, poochie.

Come on, poochie, poochie.

Come here.

Grab him, Uncle Malt.

Come here.

Get him now.

Go on.

Wait a minute.

I'll chase him.

You hit him as he comes by.

What do you?

Hey, poochie, nice poochie.

Hey, poochie, nice little poochie.

Oh, come on.

Oh, that's enough of that.

Let's give up.

Oh, no, we don't look at him.

Come along.

Come on, little poochie, poochie.

Come on, Steve, and Uncle Malt's got something for you.

Come on, poochie, poochie, poochie.

What do you have in there?

A knife?

I wish I had a gun.

I need to get that wig and mustache.

Come on, little poochie, poochie.

Come on, little...

I love this position, don't I?

I need to get that wig.

I wish he'd go after something else.

Hey, maybe if we get a cat, he'll drop the wig and go after it.

Uh-huh.

Get Edith Fitzbatten.

Hey, where are you going?

To get Miss Farts beaten?

Oh, I don't need kidding, honey.

I wonder where we could get a cat.

You had a lot of people when we wanted one.

Maybe you can get a cat.

I'd be a fine-looking cat, wouldn't I?

Look, do it again.

Do it again.

Look, he's looking, but he doesn't come out.

No.

Maybe one cat isn't enough.

Maybe.

Meow.

Meow.

What kind of a cat is that?

That's a Mexican wild cat.

Keep it on an alley cat, will you?

Oh, you mean like this?

Meow.

Sit.

Mariah, Mariah.

Are you coming out tonight, Mariah?

Gracious me.

Come on.

He's got a big mouthful.

Maybe a good fight.

Sure.

You know, I'm just about to.

What are you doing?

Well, Maria was showing me how wildcats fight in Mexico.

Wildcats?

First of all, you get down on your hands and knees like this.

Where is Lord Epping?

Oh, he's on the couch. Hey, and he's on the couch. Oh, he was there, but he's gone

now.

If you don't get Lord Epping, we are leaving here in five minutes.

Or sooner.

Boy, what a spot we're in now.

You get ready to grab it.

Get what? I know, I fix.

Oh, boy, I've got to hurry.

Well, come on over here and I'll help you.

All right.

Oh, my dear, I just noticed it.

Oh, Mr. Fitzpatten.

If you hurry, you'll be in time for the show.

Like an English sheepdog.

English sheepdog?

There's something missing.

What?

Your whiskers up here.

My mustache?

Yeah.

Where can it be?

That's a beautiful move.

There's a little pointer.

I'll get him for you.

There's a bit of...

Call the dogs over there and we'll hold you fire.

Yes, I'll crawl through the underbrush and see if I can sneak up on him.

Watch your guns now.

Don't shoot, you see.

Oh dear, we just hit a gully.

It's me, I must have been dreaming.

Oh, yes.

Oh, Percy, yes, poker.

Dear me.

Oh dear.

Maybe the tooth swallowed it.

Well, I hope he gets indigestion.

I won't stop the Fitzpatten from leaving here any minute.

Well, we have to find another billy goat.

That's all.

Where, where, where, where?

Hey, here.

What?

Maybe this will do.

Let's see.

How do I look?

Good.

Good?

Just like a fifth columnist.

I can say, what do you do?

Come on, let's look for a mustang.

Put that door back.

Oh, there you are, there you are.

I feel as fit as a fiddle.

Where have you been?

Where have I been?

I've been taking a jolly little nap.

A nap?

Yes, yes, and I feel like a two-year-old.

Horse or an egg?

What I mean to say is I feel like a new man.

Take more than a nap and a mustache to make a new man out of you, Mr. Lord Epping.

Oh, very good, very good.

Very good.

What the juice is she talking about?

I don't know.

I don't know what anybody's talking about.

Oh, I see.

You're at a loss, I see.

What are we doing?

Oh, yes, poker, poker.

What do you see?

We carry on.

Come on, carry on, carry on.

We quit playing, remember?

Oh, well, then let's cash in our chips.

You know there's no money in that box.

Here we go.

What do you try to do, my dear?

Let me tell you something.

I don't like your spoofing, you hear me?

I don't like it.

And you're beginning to annoy me.

Is that so?

Here we go again.

Then if you want me to stop annoying you, you give me back my $375.

It's a box.

Dear me.

Now I won't.

You won't what?

Lose my temper!

All right, all right.

There you are.

There's a hundred, two hundred, three hundred, three fifty, three seventy, three

seventy-five.

That thousand belongs to me, you know.

Just a minute.

Who are you?

Oh, you've been having a shampoo?

To think I married a thief.

You did, oh, gee, that's rightly upsetting.

But don't worry, old girl, you know, you'd get a divorce for that.

I've stood enough from you.

You'll hear from my lawyer.

Well, I'd be glad to.

Oh!

Oh, sir, I'm Mr. Lord Epton.

Yes?

I'm Mr. Baskin.

Oh, how do you do?

How are you, Lord Epton?

All right.

This is Baskin, my representative, you know.

You phone for me?

Phone?

I phoned for the sheriff.

Well, I'm the local constable, too.

Oh, how do you do?

I understand some money's been stolen.

Oh, that's the first I've heard of it.

I'm beginning to think you know more about this than any of us.

You do?

Mr. Baskin, some money disappeared and then reappeared.

I was afraid this might happen.

What do you mean?

I hate to say this, your lordship, but the house has a reputation of being haunted.

A ghost?

Oh, there's no need for alarm.

Say a thing like that's ridiculous.

You may be right, but some strange things have been going on around here.

If you don't need me, I feel much better being away from here.

Good night.

Good night.

He wasn't serious, was he?

Maybe, maybe yes.

Back home, the ghosts were walking and lurking all night long through the ancestral

halls.

Walking?

All night long?

Well, the walking didn't bother us, it was the creaking that annoyed us, you know.

Yes, they probably came out of those ancestral bottles.

It's very likely.

Now, look here, I don't like that.

Well, it's the first time you didn't like a bottle.

I know that.

Now, look here.

This ghost talk is very silly.

Oh, I don't think so.

Maybe some of those ghosts follow me over here.

Being the last one here, you know, wanting to stay close.

Like the rest of the family, even the ghosts are close.

Yes.

Say, look here.

Now, be careful how you speak about the eppings.

You hear me?

Mr. Fitzpatten's just joking, that's all, your lordship.

Joking, eh?

Well, he's joking.

He's becoming as obnoxious as his temper.

Well, if my temper bothers you, I'll be leaving.

Good, friend.

Right away.

Good.

And I'll be taking the money I intend you to invest with me.

Good.

And take your temper also.

And if you leave anything here in the morning, I shall post it to you.

I'm fed up.

I'm going to bed.

Good night.

I've never been so insulted in my life.

Come on, Eve.

Let's get out of here before I fall apart.

Please, please.

Lord Effing doesn't want you to leave, I'm sure.

He's just a little upset.

He's upset.

Let's pack.

Now, look.

Hey.

What?

You know where we got the other mustache, right?

Yes.

Give me those scissors.

What are you going to do?

I'm going to get another one from the Og Day.

Eve, little jeep.

I don't know if they'll stay long.

After I told them about the haunted house, the old man told them about his family

ghost in armor from England.

Ah, who believes in ghosts?

But I hope they find one so we can get out of this cellar.

Give me a match.

Don't be too long, Percy.

You can be sure of it.

That's it.

That's what?

The whistle.

It's the last train back to town.

You mean to say we have to stay in this place all night?

Well, I'm afraid so.

There's no other train till in the morning.

Perhaps then we'll all feel much better.

Oh, I won't.

I won't sleep awake.

And I shan't sleep for a month.

Won't you try?

Should I?

Please.

No!

I prefer to stay awake and be miserable.

Well, how do you feel now?

Any better?

No, I do not.

Definitely not.

Do you realize I've had a very trying evening?

Do you mean...

Oh, I say...

Let me have my money.

Uh-oh.

What's that?

Looks like we're out of medicine.

Why, sir, I say...

Well, I'll take care of that.

Let me have my room, please.

Thank you.

Where are you going?

I'll be right back.

Make yourself cozy and finish your drink.

Yes.

Oh, sir, I'll be back in a moment, old son.

Yes.

Where do you think you're going?

Well, I say, if it's none of your business, I'm going downstairs.

Come on in here and take off that outfit.

I beg your pardon?

What the deuce are you talking about, gracious me?

Come on in here.

I say, look here, this is going a bit...

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

An old man like you, surprised at you, making a fool of yourself over that.

Fitzpatten woman.

Well, what's wrong with that?

Oh, I was very fond of her at one time.

She was a very beautiful girl, yes.

Although I realize now she's getting a little long in the tooth.

Yes.

Why don't you mind your own business?

Oh, this is the end.

The very end.

After all the years we've lived together, that you should say a thing like that.

You, the only man I've ever loved.

Moreover, you have alcohol on your breath.

Yes, I had a glass of whiskey.

Whiskey?

Yes.

You must be out of your mind.

What's wrong?

Get into bed.

We'll discuss this in the morning.

Oh, no, you won't.

Oh, no.

You're still alive.

Oh, no.

Give it to me.

Wait, what?

You and I, I'm glad to see you for the first time.

Hold on, this woman is crazy.

Yes, apparently over you.

Sorry for interrupting, but you should have closed the door.

You bet she didn't open it.

Yes, I think so too.

What? You?

Good night.

Night, Percy.

Take off the wig.

Oh.

Look, you have your lip whiskers up here.

Thank goodness I found those.

Come on.

What on earth is going on here?

A ghost with what?

In armor.

Armor?

Was he clanking?

Yes.

He was.

He'll be back.

What's the matter?

What happened?

Oh, we saw a ghost in armor.

A ghost.

A ghost?

No, a ghost.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

Of course.

Is it?

Oh, shit.

Why, of course it's ridiculous.

Let's all go back to our rooms.

Oh, I'll go to my room, but I won't go to bed.

I'm going to sit up all night.

You come with me, Percy.

Carmelita, as soon as I finish talking with Lord Effing, I want to see you.

This ghost business has gone far enough.

But honest, Dennis, Uncle Matt and I didn't have anything to do with it.

Yeah, well, we'll see about that.

Don't you want to believe me?

Say, Carmelita, there's no ghost.

And no ghosts, either?

Oh, no.

I'm going to bed.

Me, too.

Danny, darling, let's go to bed.

Danny, sweetheart, I want to go to bed.

Danny!

Get out, keep out, and stay out.

What's the matter with you, sweetheart?

Anyone who thinks this is the first time I was ever in your bedroom?

There's always a first, and there's always a last.

And when I say this is the last, I mean this is the last.

Don't you try to kiss me.

I won't ever go to bed.

Take your face away from me.

Danny!

I mean this is the last, and you can't.

Excuse me.

Yes.

You.

And you, too.

Now, I don't want to intrude on your private affair.

But if it becomes necessary for any more of your boyfriends to come up here, please

talk to them quietly.

Please talk to them quietly.

Get some r-

There's no such a thing.

Well, this doesn't lead anywhere.

Oh, no.

He must have gone through the wall.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

Well, then try.

What's the trouble, Aunt Della?

I saw a ghost!

What?

I'm sorry I acted the way I did.

Well, you should be sorry.

I've changed my mind.

You better come in here and be with me.

Oh, I beg your pardon.

I'm sorry.

Very well, then.

I'll come in here with you.

No, no, no, no.

Dennis, no.

But first of all, take off that stupid nightgown.

Oh, I say.

The rest of the silly outfit.

Aunt Della.

Leave me alone, Dennis.

My place is with my husband.

Madam!

It's a fine time to think about that.

That's the dumbest thing I ever saw.

Oh, what have I done?

Ho, ho!

So now you prefer Hubble.

I look down together in the hall.

Okay.

What happened, Aunt Della?

Help me. Help me to my room.

Yes, somebody help her. And lock her in.

I thought I told you to get out of here.

What do you mean?

You have what I said.

Well, I am leaving.

Leave now.

Right now.

Good night.

Jesus, me.

Well, I might as well tear up this agreement.

Wait a minute. What for?

Lord Epping and Percy had a terrific battle.

Lord Epping?

Huh?

Sure.

Where's Lord Epping?

Why, he's in his room, of course.

In his room.

What?

You knew that.

Yes, sure.

And what's more, Percy refuses to sign the contract, so I might as well throw it.

No, no. Leave that with me.

What are you going to do?

Look, you go inside and take care of the old man.

Lock the door and don't let him out.

Uncle Matt, I have to.

Will you do as I ask you?

Sure. Do as he tells you.

All right. What can I lose?

What can we lose?

That's what I always told you.

Well, here we go again.

And they asked me to leave.

And not only once.

As if I couldn't take a hit.

Hurry up, hurry up.

Herring, let me see.

Okay.

Whoever it is, stay out.

What did he say?

He said to come in.

Oh, I see.

Packing all, son, eh?

Must be going someplace.

I am.

And you look as if you're going someplace, too.

You walrus-faced old weasel, you.

Oh, you told me to leave here, and I'm leaving.

Right now.

Now, just a moment.

You mustn't believe everything you hear.

Oh, I shouldn't?

No.

Do you... Have you got a fountain pen?

Of course I have, and a very good one, too.

You know, any time I speak, I always have a motive.

Oh, you have? Oh, yes, yes.

This is the first opportunity I've had to speak with you alone, you know.

Oh, yes.

There you go.

Thank you.

Lindsay didn't want you involved in the deal.

Yes, I knew you'd feel that way, but I do.

You do?

Yes.

Well, you didn't act like that was a while ago.

I'm sorry.

Will you hurt me?

I'm sorry.

Would you like to review the details?

From a friend?

Same school tie?

Bass.

Credit.

Of course.

Very well.

You know, I didn't mean to call you a walrus-faced old weasel.

Oh, that's all right.

That's all right.

There we are.

I think we should celebrate with a nightcap.

I think so.

Oh!

But I hadn't anything here, you know.

I'll get you.

I thought you were.

Oh, this is fun, brother.

What a dear friend.

Did you do it?

I did it.

Good.

Get Dennis.

I'd better get him before he steals the thing.

Excuse me.

Go ahead.

Look.

I'll get you. Thank you.

Uncle Matt did it.

Yeah, it's signed, sealed, and delivered.

How did he do that?

With a little dog hair.

She said it's neither him nor bad.

I don't know how to thank you.

Just wish me luck. I'm going to try and explain a few things to Della.

Hold your breath while I pour this stuff, and there will be a ghost around here.

You hold your breath while you pour it.

I don't know.

It's the cops.

Yeah, breaking into that cellar door.

Make it through the wood box.

There's a light in the window for the fishing fleet at sea.

Bazzi, old chap!

Oh, I'd say it's a fish.

And the mackerel.

Ah, there you are.

A nightcap.

And a nightgown, too.

Say, that was a quick one.

Yes.

Haven't you gone yet?

Gone?

Yes, get out!

And I'll have the servants throw your baggage out after you.

Just a moment.

What did you say?

I'll have the servants throw your baggage after you.

Now I am through!

And you're still a walrus-faced old weasel!

Ah, you bet you're all sweet.

What did you say?

I'll let you see her!

Ah, see her!

What do you want?

What do you want?

What's going on?

What happened?

Look out for that stuff.

I'm watching it.

Let's get out of here.

Before I blow up!

Oh no!

Wait for me!

I'll get dressed!

Look! Well, he's a man of his world.