Original subtitles

Ellen?

There. Nothing like a good smudging to set the universe right.

Ellen, the counselor of safe space?

Yes, sister.

I'm sorry for just barging in on you like this.

I like to do a good cleanse before I begin any session.

It's my own way of creating balance.

Well, hi, I'm Alice.

It was so nice of you to come here and see me in person. Thank you.

It's so nice to meet you, Alice.

I felt a real connection with you on the phone.

And that's what Safe Space is all about.

Helping women.

talk about the data?

Um, no, actually, um, I wanted to talk about my,

this is confidential, right?

I wanted to talk about my

girlfriend, my lesbian

girlfriend, Dinah.

Oh, the president of the Gay Student Association?

Yeah. I'm very fond of Dinah. Her advocacy has helped many women,

those in my power circle.

I have some.

You know I do.

Everybody knows Dinah. Everybody loves pink gay Dinah.

She broke up with me two days ago.

And...

It's all because I was too afraid to come out, and I don't even know why I'm

talking to you about this.

Alice, there is nothing to fear.

I was like you once, too. But it was through the healing power of Wicca that

was able to truly embrace my natural sapphic instinct.

Uh, so wait, you mean you're gay, too?

Of course, sister.

I'm a proud lesbian naturalist and practicing Dianic pagan.

I believe in both the fruit and the loins of the mother goddess, if you know

what I mean.

Um, yeah.

But I'm only here to share my story in hopes that it will help you to share

yours.

So, tell me, Alice, what are you so afraid of?

Gosh,

I...

I just don't really feel comfortable being myself.

I feel like society won't accept me.

Like my family won't accept me.

I mean, they didn't raise me to be a lesbian.

How did they raise you?

I don't know.

To marry a doctor and have babies.

There are lesbian doctors too, you know.

I know.

Anyway, I've been a wreck the last two days.

I didn't realize how much I love Dinah.

Now that she's gone, it's all I can really think about.

I just don't know how to become the kind of woman that she wants.

Well, I know it sounds kooky.

But spirituality is really what helped me to come out.

Have you ever given it any thought?

I mean, I can't say that I have.

I run a lesbian pagan power circle.

It's a group of women that gets together once a week for ritual and support.

Actually, we're doing a session on Lovecraft this Thursday.

You should join us and give it a try.

I think you could really benefit from this kind of female energy.

Lovecraft?

Cast cells that promote romantic prosperity.

But it's really just a bunch of gals getting together to talk about love and

sex.

Well, I know that sounds kind of fun.

It's super fun.

And they're a really great group of women.

I think your soul could really benefit from this.

And they're all lesbians?

Lesbians, bisexuals, pansexuals.

We have all different kinds.

The important part is that we are all liberated women.

And I think this could be really valuable for you.

Do you think Dinah would like that?

Well, we could always invoke the goddess Aphrodite and find out what she thinks,

huh?

Oh, but I'm kidding.

I think Dinah would appreciate you coming to your true self.

Well, then count me in.

Excellent. I'll text you all the details later.

But are you going to be okay in the meantime?

I mean, do you need me to stay with you?

We can meditate together.

No, I think I'll be okay.

You know what? I'm probably just going to research some of this pagan stuff on

my own. And hey, maybe I'll even invite Aphrodite over for a little bit of

practice for Thursday, huh?

That's so wonderful, Alice.

But please.

One should not just go invoking the goddess without a little bit of

first.

Okay? Okay.

Keep this.

Use it anywhere around your house you feel needs to be reset.

It's my parting gift to you.

Thank you, Ellen. This was all so unexpected, but I'm really excited.

I'll see you on Thursday. Thank you so much. Thank you.

All right, let's see here.

Invoking the goddess.

Okay.

How to invoke the goddess Aphrodite.

We are all surrounded by magic.

It's just a matter of tapping the available energies as they float around

You can summon the goddess Aphrodite by gathering all the required implements

below and creating a sacred space.

But be sure of yourself and your true desires as Aphrodite has been known to

cause mischief when a witch doesn't have clear intentions.

Well... My intentions have never been clearer.

I need to become the ultimate lesbian to win Dinah's heart back.

Let's see what I need here.

Candles.

Paper heart.

Clamshell.

It's a little weird.

Cauldron. And you must have invoked Aphrodite before. This is not a spell

beginners.

Whatever. I'm sure it's fine.

It'll be good practice for Thursday.

Okay.

Here goes nothing.

Aphrodite, goddess of love and desire, look down

from above and hear my prayer.

Grant me the love of Dinah, so true and so fair.

As it is willed, must it be.

Aphrodite, goddess of love and desire,

I call upon thy power.

Appear before me now and give me my true desires.

Aphrodite, if you really are up there somewhere, I

wish to be the ultimate lesbian so

that no woman could resist me.

Not even Dinah.

I'm Aphrodite, the goddess of love and desire.

You summoned me from on high?

I don't recognize you, witch.

You've never summoned me before, have you?

Well, you don't look too bad.

I can have a little fun with you.

So tell me, what is it your heart desires?

I need to become the ultimate lesbian.

Ah, the isle of lesbos.

Such a party place.

But I always get in so much trouble when I go there.

No, no, not lesbos. Lesbian.

I need to prove to my girlfriend that I'm the ultimate lesbian.

Well, darling, I'm sure I can think of a few things we can show her.

No, you don't understand.

I can't do this myself.

I need to become someone else, someone more confident, someone

more self -assured, more... You need help.

Is that what you're saying?

Yes, exactly. I need a lot of help.

Have you heard of a goddess pact?

No.

Think of it like a trade.

I help you become so desirable, no woman can resist you. Not even your

girlfriend.

You will?

Yes.

And all you have to do for me is a little something -something, if you know

I'm saying.

What do I have to do?

Make love to me, of course.

Um, no, I, um, I don't think that I can.

What?

You don't want to make love to the goddess of love and desire?

What's wrong with you?

No, it's not that. It's... I mean, can I? Are you real? Do you

even exist? I mean, aren't you just a figment of my imagination?

Is this a figment of your imagination?

Oh, wow.

I get that a lot.

So, what do you say?

Do we have a deal?

You promise you'll make me gay or lesbian?

I'll definitely make you something.

Now come here.

It's lonely on Olympus.

Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

The ultimate lesbian.

What kind of lesbian are you going to turn me into?

I'm going to show you everything you've got to do.

Now you can do it to your girlfriend.

Oh, yeah.

You have to make sure you don't forget him. He's a beautiful baby.

I want you to show me how good you learned.

What I do.

See if you can do it to me. See if you're learning.

Okay.

Anything to become the ultimate husband.

Let's see what you have.

See if you can like a glass pussy.

Yeah.

Ooh. Mm -hmm.

Just keep doing. Yes, just like that.

Yeah.

before you get to Greg.